


All I Wanted

by Hummingbird_3419



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2019-07-05 01:19:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 193,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15853302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hummingbird_3419/pseuds/Hummingbird_3419
Summary: Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?





	1. Part One | Smoke and Hay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

Dust was still being found in corners of Rose’s old room, it seemed every time she went into her old bedroom, more dust would present itself for her to clean up. It didn’t end up being a chore in removing it, however, and Rose would always take her time in cleaning up any evidence of her room being previously unused. Not only did it help with passing the time, but being in her room meant she wasn’t downstairs, having to endure her parent’s endless questions.

Rose gathered a fresh handful of dust and threw it out of her bedroom window, where it mixed with the smoke already in the city air. In the distance, tall, metal structures rose out of the skyline, disrupting any view of the horizon, and Rose couldn’t get used to the sight of it.

Only three months had passed to when Rose could’ve looked out of a window and seen nothing but open, green fields, and endless sky, it was a cold tonic to be looking at the industrial heart of Birmingham. Rose couldn’t think if those three months had passed slowly or quickly, she guessed it was the smoke clogging her mind of straight thoughts. Whether they had gone slow or fast, Rose knew that they had been wasted, there was day after day spent downstairs with her parents, trying to do the most with the few jobs they gave her.

Rose and her parents lived above a morgue, her father was an undertaker, and work never seemed to cease in Small Heath. Rose wasn’t able to make herself useful to him as her mother acted as his assistant, so Rose was ordered to sweep floors, clean equipment and make sure the accounts were in order. Rose tried her best to stretch these activities out, to make sure her time was used, but there always seemed to be more hours in the day than she knew what to do with.

A relief was often granted when Rose and her parents would go to family for Sunday dinner. The three of them walked to Uncle Robert’s house, and Rose would hope for more conversation between the five of them, but her father and his brother would just talk about work, which equalled talking about death. Uncle Robert was the coroner, and Henry was the undertaker, so Rose just kept her mouth shut.

To make a painful event more interesting, there was a knock at the door. Rose almost leapt out of her seat to answer it herself, but it wasn’t her house, so Robert excused himself from the table and did the honours.

The four at the table were quiet, each wanting to know who thought it was wise to interrupt a Sunday dinner. Their ears heard the handle turn, and the door was opened.

‘Mr Alexander.’ The voice was deep, and cut through the hallway down to the kitchen table.

‘Mr Shelby.’

Before Rose could ask anyone questions, her father stood up from the table and joined his brother at the door. Her mother and aunt looked at one another, then to the direction of the hallway, where the men were talking in hushed tones.

Henry appeared in the doorway with a stern look on his face. ‘Mr Shelby wants to discuss business matters, stay in here.’

Henry shut the kitchen door for extra precaution, and left the three women with their beef and vegetables going cold on their plates.

‘On a Sunday, Dot, something must be up.’ Rose’s mother muttered.

‘Who’s Mr Shelby?’ Rose asked, looking between the two women.

‘Never mind who Mr Shelby is, don’t be asking questions about him.’ Mary was quick to answer her daughter, and Rose knew better than to bring the subject up again.

‘Mary, help me with these plates.’

Rose was left to watch the gravy congeal on her plate, she didn’t want to touch her food after it had become cold. Mary and Dot were whispering to one another, keeping their backs to Rose to shield her from their words, and Rose huffed a breath out through her nose. Once again, she was left behind and out of the conversation, but it only made her more interested.

\-----

Rose was offered some respite by busying herself with an old client, Ms Harding. It had been weeks since Mr Harding had died, Rose had just come home when he was being buried, but her father still sent her to look up on her.

‘She has no family in the city, you can make yourself useful and provide care for her.’

Ms Harding was just a new person to talk to at first, and since she lived on her own, she would keep Rose for hours at a time, reliving her memories through conversations in front of the small kitchen fire. Eventually, Rose began to see the trip to the grocer’s, then to twenty-three Watery Lane, as a ritual, it was giving her a brief moment of stability and routine.

The day was unlike any other, Rose had Ms Harding’s basket full of produce, and walked swiftly through the streets. The front door was always open, despite Rose telling her to lock it, and she found Ms Harding in the back kitchen, fingers working away at knitting needles.

‘It’s a lovely day out there.’ Rose said, as she entered the room.

‘A sky full of smoke and soot is not lovely.’

‘The sun’s breaking through.’

Ms Harding scoffed, but it wasn’t malicious, nor directed at Rose herself. Ms Harding relied on Rose to get her groceries, new balls of wool and bottles of Irish whiskey, since she hadn’t stepped out of the house since the day of her husband’s funeral. Rose’s comments about the weather were meant to act as an encouragement for Ms Harding, but they always fell on deaf ears.

‘What are you knitting now?’

‘A jumper.’

‘For yourself?’ Rose was putting away the groceries in the kitchen, working around Ms Harding sat still by the fireplace.

‘For the little boy, next door. He’s been across the road to place bets for me, thought I’d make him something nice.’

‘He is lucky.’ Rose said, setting the kettle on the stove to make a fresh pot of tea. ‘Should you be making bets?’

‘My money, Rose, goes on the winning horse, every time.’

‘Only if you’re sure.’

‘Trust me, Rose, Monaghan Boy is going to make me rich.’ Ms Harding gave Rose a crooked smile, her fingers still working the needles, and Rose shook her head back.

‘Don’t believe me? Think you know better?’

‘I don’t know how betting works, Ms Harding, I don’t have anything to say.’

‘You’ll have a few choice words when you come here and I’m sat with a great stack of coins in front of me.’

‘I’ll eat my own hat if that’s true, Ms Harding’

Rose didn’t know how betting worked, but knew that it was gambling, and that wasn’t a way to use money. Rose thought that if she was in Ms Harding’s position and had the luxury of a few spares coins to place on a horse, she’d keep them for herself, in a tin meant to be opened on a rainy day.

With no proper job to speak of, Rose was feeling the pain of not having money. Her parents let her back home, and she had cooked food for every mealtime, but that was it. Rose wasn’t able to get new clothes, and everything was getting a little small for her body. Not once did a complaint leave her lips, however, but it was causing her grief.

Rose sat with Ms Harding for another hour, letting the old widow drown out the world with stories of her past, and Rose welcomed it. She tried not to focus on how the top of her skirt was digging into her tummy, another reminder that she needed new clothes, she just let herself be spoken to, Ms Harding never raised her voice, nor treated Rose unkindly, and she melted into the old wooden chair by the flickering fire.

\-----

The front door to the office rang out, the bell above it signalling someone’s arrival, and Rose looked up. She had been looking over her parent’s accounts, but there was nothing to be done about them, since they were already kept in good order.

The person in question had taken his hat off, as most did when they entered the office, and Rose waited for him to talk.

‘I’m here to see Henry.’

‘Do you have an appointment?’

‘Yes, the name’s Charlie Strong.’

As Charlie had uttered his own name, Henry had come through the connecting door to the back. He was aware of the appointment himself, and didn’t want to let that particular client wait long.

Rose wondered about the man, and how he wasn’t dressed like a regular customer in mourning. He had a sour look on his face, most people did when they walked through the door, but his clothes weren’t neat, and it was usual for people to see to their attire as a sign of respect for the dead. The man looked like he had come from a day’s work, and that he was only passing through.

The back room was off limits to Rose, she wasn’t allowed in to talk with any clients, nor have anything to do with funeral proceedings, so she returned her attention back down to the book of accounts in front of her, noting that every entry was correct.

It wasn’t good of her, but Rose started slowing down her breathing so she could focus on what was being said in the room. The man didn’t seem like a usual customer, and that had piqued her interest. What made her more inclined to get closer to the door was the fact that she couldn’t hear anything from the room, the men were clearly speaking in hushed tones. Rose wondered what they were hiding, what her father was up to for the room to be so quiet.

Soon enough, their voices were heard, and they were speaking only of pleasantries. Rose tried to make herself inconspicuous, and took a sip from her teacup.

‘And business at the yard, Charlie, how’s that going?’

‘Regular, you know, we should be getting a new horse in a few weeks, that’ll keep Curly happy.’

‘What kind of horse?’

Rose couldn’t stop herself, it wasn’t her fault that they were having their normal conversation right in front of her, and Rose knew a little about horses.

Charlie looked over to Rose sat behind the desk, then back to Henry. For a short moment, Rose thought that she was going to be ignored.

‘A racing horse.’ Charlie replied.

‘But what breed?’ Rose pushed on. She ignored the way her father was staring at her, Rose knew that he didn’t know anything about horses, it was Rose’s territory.

‘You know something about horses, then?’

Encouraged by his question, Rose didn’t take a second to answer. ‘A little, I’ve worked in a stable before, one for racing horses.’

It was a true enough statement, and Rose didn’t think she was exaggerating her skill. Before she had moved back to Small Heath, she had spent many years in the countryside, living in a house with a neighbouring stable. It was there that she learned a few things.

‘With the new horse coming in, I might need an extra hand. I only provide the stable for the thing, I don’t care for them, would you be interested?’

‘Definitely.’

Before Charlie spoke again, he looked over to Henry. Rose caught the action, words were spoken between the two men through just a look of the eyes, and Henry nodded his head.

‘I can only do two days a week, but they will be long days.’

‘I can do that, absolutely.’ Rose couldn’t hide her eagerness at the opportunity, she hoped it wouldn’t put him off. Instead of giving Rose a look down his nose, Charlie managed a small smile at the corner of his lips.

It was only two days a week, but Rose was close to offering free work if he wasn’t keen to pay her a wage. Rose’s mind had then changed to focus on those two days of work, it was the highlight of her week.

Her father had walked her to work the first day, since Rose was unfamiliar with the area. He had taken Charlie to the side to ask a favour, he didn’t want Rose walking home on her own late, and he wasn’t able to come from the office to see to it himself. Charlie agreed.

The yard was dirty, behind the industrial quarter and adjacent to the cut, but Rose wasn’t put off. The stables she had worked in before were of an immaculate quality, the definition of high standard, so it was a big change for Rose, but not the kind of change that altered her opinion on the matter.

‘A few rules, Rose, don’t touch what isn’t to do with horses. I’ve got all sorts in the yard, most of it needs to be kept where it is.’

Rose nodded her head, and understood what he was talking about. The yard was a mess, Rose would’ve happily tidied everything if that was what Charlie wanted, but she was given the orders not to.

‘You’ll meet Curly, he’s in charge of the stables, and the best man for the job. Be patient with him, as he’ll be the one ordering you around.’

Rose nodded again, and wondered what a man called Curly would look like, it wasn’t a regular name. She was under the impression that it was perhaps because he had curly hair, but when a figure appeared from the stable, she couldn’t have been more wrong. The man was bald, not a strand of hair on his head.

Rose understood why Charlie had told her to be patient with Curly, as he seemed very unsure about his new role of Rose’s boss. The man was seemingly simple, but Rose soon learnt that what he lacked in social skills he made up for his talent in caring for horses. Rose watched him talk to the horses as he was showing her around, she couldn’t hear what he was whispering at times, but she’d watch the horse’s reaction, and was made speechless by it.

She felt silly for admitting it to herself, but she was jealous. Rose wanted to come in and impress Charlie with her skill, but it seemed that Curly had gotten there before her. She only followed and did the best she could, making sure that she was helpful in the cleaning and maintaining of equipment, as she had a keen eye for quality.

The work was exciting, and made better by the fact that it wore her out, there was no lying in bed for hours waiting for sleep. After a day at the yard, Rose’s head had to only touch her pillow, and she was out until the morning.

One to never complain, she didn’t speak out about her issue with wearing skirts to work. Rose had to find the oldest skirt in her wardrobe, a brown one that was fraying at the trim, and decided that she didn’t mind it getting ruined. It was all well and good until she had to bend, kneel and crouch, her skirt wasn’t appropriate for those actions. She tried her best to keep up with Curly, he didn’t understand that it was the skirt getting in her way.

Her face had obviously betrayed her, as Charlie had seen how she worked in the skirt. He was going to say something to begin with, to say that skirts weren’t suitable for the job, but wondered if she had the means of an alternative. He decided to do something about him himself.

Charlie had taken Rose aside one morning of her shift, to the table and chairs outside, where a parcel was wrapped in brown paper, waiting to be opened on the table.

‘For you. It’s not a present or anything.’

Rose opened the package as Charlie spoke, too eager to see what was inside. She took the garment and unrolled it out on the table. It was a pair of trousers, the smallest pair of man’s trousers that Charlie could find, he hoped that they were right for Rose.

‘I’ve not had anything new in such a long while. Will it come out my wages?’

‘No. It’s an investment. A proper uniform, so you can work better.’

Rose said her thanks, she was beside herself. She finally had something new, and although it wasn’t a neat blouse or a pretty hat, it was a gift, and she was happy to receive it.

When Rose tried on her trousers, she needed a belt to hold them up, and then she tucked the bottoms into her socks. Looking into her long mirror in her room, she thought she looked ridiculous, but when matched with a shirt and coat, Rose thought she looked like any other worker in Small Heath, the only difference being the messy braid going down her back. In the privacy of her own room, she practiced kneeling down and bending over in her new trousers, and they were much better than her skirt. Rose took long strides on her way to work, she felt like a spectacle in her new garment, she wondered if people looked at her differently for wearing them. Her work was made much easier, but she didn’t want to make a big deal out of them, her work ethic remained normal, and she wasn’t finding herself trailing behind Curly anymore.

\-----

Another day at the yard seemed normal for the morning, Rose followed Curly around and did everything she was told. It wasn’t until midday that things began to change. Just outside the yard, people were running to and fro, men on horseback riding through the street, causing havoc amongst Small Heath.

It was just Rose and Curly in the yard, Charlie had left earlier, but returned amidst the madness on the streets. He was showing no emotion, like usual, but he took his hat off as he approached the two workers.

‘Watery Lane’s been trashed; the Inspector and his men were out at dawn.’

‘Oh no.’ Rose gasped. She looked from Curly to Charlie, and her worry increased.

‘Charlie, can I leave? I look after Ms Harding on Watery Lane, I should go and see to her.’ Rose wondered if Charlie would be so generous, but she shouldn’t have doubted him. He let Rose leave immediately, and she ended up running to Watery Lane.

Trashed was the right word to use, not only was the furniture of people’s houses strewn across the street, but people had been beaten, children were crying with their mothers by their side to try and calm them. They all crowded the street, no one knowing just quite what to do in the aftermath.

Rose had to ignore them all as she headed straight for number twenty-three. She had to step quickly to the pavement to avoid being run over by a car and truck entering the lane, Rose hoped that it wasn’t another lot of officers to cause more trouble. Ms Harding’s front door was wide open, and she heard someone cluttering about in the front room.

‘Ms Harding, are you alright?’ Rose rushed over to her side, the woman was bent over, picking up her possessions on the floor.

‘Those bastards ruined everything.’ Ms Harding’s breath was thin, Rose could hear her wheezing, so she picked up a chair off of the floor to let her sit down on it.

‘I came straight from the yard, I had to see if you were alright.’

Ms Harding sighed deeply, and spent a few moments trying to catch her breath.

‘They didn’t hurt you, did they?’ Rose thought back to the men she saw on the street, who had to hold their noses to stop blood running, and hoped that the officers wouldn’t do anything to poor Ms Harding.

‘I’m fine, love, just half of my house is out on the street.’

‘I’ll see to it, Ms Harding, you stay there.’

No one bothered giving Rose funny looks for wearing trousers when she started shifting Ms Harding's furniture. Most people were looking over to the car and truck that had pulled up, and the men that were getting out. Rose looked over as well, to see why they were the sole focus of the street.

The men in question were dressed differently to the other residents of the lane, wearing three-piece suits, and smart caps. They were looking at the devastation of the street, to everyone clearing up the mess that had been made of their possessions.

Rose caught eyes with one of them, and didn’t think that it was down to her wearing trousers. He stood with his hands in his pockets, he clearly wasn’t worried about staring for too long, but Rose couldn’t look away. It felt strange, eyeing the man up from across the street, and it wasn’t until Ms Harding came to the threshold of the door that she had to tear her gaze.

‘I’ll give you a hand, love.’

‘No, sit down, it’s fine.’ Rose took a firm grip of the chair she had been holding, and then looked back across the street. The man she had been looking at had moved, he was entering one of the houses with several others that were dressed like him.

\-----

Tommy let the others deal with the residents of Watery Lane, he had to see the horse to Charlie’s yard. He knew that people didn’t have to see his face, and he had more important things to worry about, like the footsore the horse was experiencing due to the ride in the truck.

When he left the house to go to his car, he looked over to the other side of the street. It was instinctive, he only wanted to see if the girl with trousers was still there. She had given him such a stare when he got out of the car, and he hadn’t seen her before. His curiosity wasn’t able to carry on when he made his way to Charlie’s yard, his mind was on the mess left in Watery Lane, and the horse following behind him.

Curly was there straight away, front and centre to help with the horse, and Tommy was just about to talk to Charlie, when Curly was followed by someone he didn’t know.

She shadowed Curly as he brought the horse into the stable, taking orders from him whenever he gave them. Tommy lit up a cigarette and watched her, he knew it was the girl from Watery Lane, she was the only girl in Small Heath that dared to wear trousers.

Once the horse was set up, Tommy decided to question the girl. He was curious to know why Charlie had hired her, and instead of going to his uncle, he decided to ask her directly.

‘You were down Watery Lane.’

It wasn’t a question, more of a statement. Tommy watched as the girl stopped what she was doing to look over at him.

‘I was. Ms Harding, at number twenty-three, had her place ruined, so I went to help her.’ Rose explained.

‘She a member of the family?’ Tommy asked, taking a drag of his cigarette.

‘No, an old client.’

‘Client?’ Tommy drew his brows together in confusion.

‘My father is Mr Alexander, the undertaker. Ms Harding’s husband died a few weeks ago, I’ve been making sure she’s alright.’

‘Henry’s daughter. So, Robert must be your uncle.’

‘He is.’

Rose had recognised the man as he had driven into the yard. It was like deja vu, the man had stepped out of the car in the yard the same way he stepped out on Watery Lane. She had answered all of his questions politely, there was a certain way he was carrying himself, Rose had picked it up, and she didn’t think he was a man that took being ignored lightly.

Tommy watched Rose carry on with her work, and wondered about her more. It was only the other week he had gone to Robert’s house to settle some business, the one concerning Danny and his fake grave. The girl intrigued him, he wondered why she wasn’t working for her father, as there were always enough deaths in Small Heath to keep the undertaker busy.

When he had smoked the cigarette down to the butt, he threw it to the ground and blew out the last breath of smoke. He was still watching Rose work, and she wasn’t showing any annoyance at him doing so.

‘This isn’t women’s work.’

Tommy watched as Rose met his gaze again.

‘There isn’t anything else going at the moment. I can’t work for my parents.’

Tommy was surprised at how easily she spoke about herself, it was clear that she wasn’t aware of who he really was, many people would avoid a conversation with him, and Tommy was the same. He only talked to people, bar his family, if it was about business, normal chit chat wasn’t his style, yet there he was, doing just what he disliked.

Since Rose didn’t know who the man was, there was nothing stopping her from answering his questions honestly. She did think it strange that the man in the smart suit would be so interested in her, however.

‘Why not?’ Tommy asked.

‘They don’t have the means to pay me, and I need to earn money.’

It was an honest enough answer, Rose gave him a sincere look as she had spoken to him. Tommy had heard everything he needed to, and left Rose to carry on with her day.

As Tommy made his way back to Watery Lane, he cursed himself that his clear thoughts were being interrupted. That girl in the stables, who had answered him so directly and without fear, was disrupting his thoughts. He was trying to make plans for a retaliation, to think about the Blinder’s next step to deal with Inspector Campbell, but then Rose would appear, with smears of dirt on her face, and her trousers tucked into her socks, and he put his nails into the palm of his hands to make it stop.

It was stupid, Tommy was a grown man who didn’t get distracted by girls who worked in dirty yards, but there he was, sat in his car which had been parked for ten minutes, because he couldn’t clear his mind long enough to think about getting out.

\-----

The licks of fire were covering the many faces of His Majesty, one after the other. The reporter had just taken his leave, and Tommy flicked the end of his cigarette into the bonfire.

Tommy left the rabble to head off, he put his hands in his jacket pockets and kept his head down, the wafts of firewood were becoming less and less as he kept his pace up. That pace didn’t last long, however, as he heard his name being called out.

‘Tommy!’

Tommy looked up from the ground, and to the approaching figures. His uncle Charlie was making his way over, with Rose following. Tommy stopped and waited for them to approach, of all the people he expected to see that night, or that he wanted to see that night, it wasn’t his uncle Charlie’s yard assistant, nor uncle Charlie, for that matter.

‘What’s going on, Tommy?’

Charlie acted like there wasn’t someone else listening in to the conversation, he gave Tommy a hard stare, but Tommy didn’t bother returning the eye contact. It wasn’t a question he was going to ask, no matter how public the stunt was.

‘Come on, Tommy.’ Charlie said.

Instead of looking over to Charlie, Tommy gave a pointed look to Rose, who was standing just behind Charlie, trying to make herself seem invisible. Charlie understood what he meant, and put himself between the two, trying to see if that would make Tommy talk, but he was out of luck.

‘I’ll come over the yard sometime, Charlie.’

Tommy didn’t hang around for another moment, he doffed his cap to both Charlie and Rose, then took off.

The burning of the King’s picture was a stunt in mind to get Inspector Campbell level with him, it was purposely a public affair, but Tommy had put his guard up. It wasn’t due to Charlie himself, he would’ve happily told his uncle just what he was up to, but Rose was there, and he didn’t know how he felt about Rose knowing. He wouldn’t talk to Rose the same way he spoke to Charlie, so for Tommy, it didn’t feel right that he should admit anything in front of her. It was just Charlie’s luck that she was standing beside him, it wasn’t his fault.

The next time Tommy thought about Rose again was when he was making his way towards Charlie’s yard. Rose had told him that it was money she wanted, and he had a thought in mind to help her out. He had to test her, however, since what he had in mind was more than brushing down a horse, or scrubbing stables clean. Tommy wasn’t going in without a back-up, however, he just wanted to see how Rose would fair with his line of questioning.

Rose was on her own, round the side of the stable by the water pipe. She was sat on a small stool, the legs of it were sinking into the mud, but she was hard at work, cleaning some equipment. Tommy stopped a few paces away, he wasn’t wearing the correct attire to get dirty, and had seen the state of Rose’s boots.

‘Rose.’ Tommy called over.

Rose lifted her head and stood immediately. She threw the scrubbing brush into the metal bucket and put her hands on her hips.

‘You know, you haven’t told me your name.’

Whatever Tommy had prepared to say next disappeared from his mind, Rose had caught him off guard. He hoped it was the last time she did so.

‘Thomas Shelby.’ He answered, not looking away from her. ‘I thought you’d know that.’

Rose was careful in making her way over to Tommy, the ground by the water pipe was boggy, and she didn’t want to slip over.

‘Why would I know that?’

Tommy almost let out a laugh. There weren’t many people in Small Heath that didn’t know his name, and there were even less that would backchat him so plainly. He looked Rose up and down, once again, her appearance was a mess, but she didn’t seem ashamed about looking so rough.

‘Do you ever wash your face?’ Tommy said, equalling the harsh tone with sarcasm. He thought that Rose would be offended, she did have trouble hiding her facial expressions, and he waited for her response.

‘Have you ever gotten yours dirty?’

Rose regretted how quickly she had replied, her comeback wasn’t thought through, but when Tommy gave a quick smile, relief washed over her.

‘Sorry.’

‘No, it’s a fair question. Of all the times I’ve seen you, there’s always a streak of dirt by your nose.’ Tommy nodded to her, looking to the smudge on her skin.

‘I would wipe it off, but my hands are worse.’

Rose lifted her hands to show Tommy what she meant. Not only was there dirt from the equipment she was scrubbing at, but there had been more than one occasion where she had fallen off of the little stool and into the mud, and every time she had repositioned the stool, it happened again. Dirt was trapped under her fingernails, there was mud already drying on her wrists.

‘I won’t bother shaking your hand, then.’

‘Was there something you needed?’

Tommy wondered about Rose’s question. There was something he needed, but he didn’t think that it was Rose that he was going to get it from.

‘No, not today Rose.’

Rose paid no mind to Tommy, and she went back to her work. Tommy lingered for only a few moments more, watching Rose track through the mud to get back to her seat by the water pipe, then headed back to Curly.

Tommy had to go through with his back-up plan, and unfortunately, he carried it through with a bullet in his pocket, one with his name on it. He didn’t let it carry through to the way he spoke to Grace, the barmaid, as she ended up being the alternative to Rose.

Grace seemed more the type to be seen at the races. It wasn’t fair that Rose has approached him in her work gear, he was sure that she could scrub up well, but he still didn’t know how old she was, and there was a certain way she talked to him that confused him somewhat. Whenever he spoke to Grace, she had the understanding that he was a Peaky Blinder, that carried through to the way she treated him, and he knew that she was the right person to take to the races. Grace feared him enough to do as she was told when the time came to it, he’d be throwing her in the deep end, and Grace was made of the right stuff to handle it.

Rose’s comment was still in Tommy’s mind as he made his way through Small Heath, it was almost refreshing to be spoken to like that, he remembered that he had almost faltered in front of her, but caught himself before he could make himself look a fool. Tommy did think about how it couldn’t happen again though. The Blinder’s used the Alexander name when it suited them, and Rose’s father and uncle had done business with them for a few years, but that didn’t mean Rose was allowed any liberties, Tommy was to be feared, not joked with.

\-----

The house was bustling with bets, ordinary folk were lining up to place whatever pennies they had on Monaghan Boy, and Tommy took notice of this as he made his way through the room. People were wise enough to get out of his way as he walked through the office part of the building, stopping to look at piles of cash, or notes in the book, but Tommy wasn’t interested in giving it his full attention, and decided to head through the green doors to Polly, who was setting out tea for her and Ada.

Tommy leant against the back wall after saying his greetings to them both, and placed a cigarette between his lips.

‘Do you know there’s a girl working at Charlie’s yard?’ Polly’s voice cut through his trailing thoughts, it made him pause enough for the flame on his matchstick to edge closer to his thumb.

‘Yes.’ Tommy lit his cigarette before the match burnt him, and watched Polly pour tea.

‘Not much passes you by.’ She said, looking up from the teacup. Tommy recognised a knowing look when he saw one, Polly was decent enough to hand them out to him more often than not.

‘I didn’t know that Charlie was taking on new staff. She’s a bit young for Charlie, don’t you think?’

Tommy wanted to smirk, to be amused in Polly’s nosy nature, but decided to keep his reply plain. He was sure that Polly knew everything about her anyway, she kept up with people with their ears to the ground anyway, not much passed her by, either.

‘She’s Robert Alexander’s niece, Charlie hired her as a favour since she was out of work.’

‘A favour?’

Polly was leaving her question open ended, trying to gauge what Tommy meant by it, but with Ada in the room, Tommy wasn’t prepared to indulge her.

‘Both Henry and Robert have worked with us for over the past couple of years, it’s just a way of repaying their loyalty.’

‘She shouldn’t be working by the cut, not right for a young girl.’ Polly stated, pursing her lips at the thought.

‘She seems the type to take everything in her stride.’ Tommy caught Polly’s eyes when he spoke, he could only imagine what she was thinking.

‘What’s her name?’ Ada asked.

‘Rose.’ Tommy looked at Ada to answer her, but he could still feel Polly’s gaze on him, which he chose to ignore.

‘Rose Alexander? Christ, I remember when she was a little girl, she always went around in pigtails. I’ve seen her around and I thought I recognised her, what’s she doing back?’

‘The war’s over, I suppose, not so dangerous to live in the city.’ Polly tore her eyes from Tommy to look back at her teacup, but she let herself look up every so often to try and catch something from Tommy.

‘Is that why her parents sent her away?’ Ada asked.

At the question, Polly looked up again, and caught Tommy. He seemed to have glued his eyes to Ada, but not to acknowledge her, he was in deep thought about what Ada had just said. Polly decided to help him out.

‘Her parents sent her away well before the war. To a relative, if I remember, she got a good schooling wherever she went, that was the point.’

Tommy had looked from Ada to Polly, taking in every word she was saying. The smoke was rising from his unused cigarette, it seemed he had forgotten it was still lit between his fingers.

‘If she’s well educated, why is she shovelling horse shit at Charlie’s yard?’

Before Polly could answer, Tommy took over in answering Ada.

‘Times are hard, Ada, people get whatever work they can find.’

Tommy finally took a drag of his cigarette, looking back over at Polly. He found her with one eyebrow raised in slight surprise, but once again, he ignored her.

\-----

Whenever Rose got home from work, she found herself looking into the mirror to see if there was any dirt on her face. It wasn’t something that she thought through, it was becoming instinctive, she didn’t want to go around Small Heath with a dirty face, and she didn’t want to run into Tommy looking unkempt, giving him another reason to point out something in her appearance.

It wasn’t that he was getting to her, his strange line of questioning was soon forgotten about, but she had been taking care when washing her face in the mornings, thinking that Tommy should be seeing how she did wash her face, and that she didn’t need rude comments made up about her.

Along with working at the yard, Rose still kept to her duties in seeing to Ms Harding. She had been in good spirits lately, talking about her sure-fire bet on Monaghan Boy, but when Rose went over one afternoon after working at the yard, that bet had fallen through.

Monaghan Boy lost, Ms Harding was so sure of his win that she had put a whole tin of coins on him. Rose wanted to be the chip on her shoulder to tell her that she should’ve known better, but nothing would’ve come of it, so Rose kept her mouth shut. She had been compensated anyway, despite the loss, but it wasn’t much to change how she felt.

Ms Harding was still miserable as Rose left, she had already been there an hour, and her mood hadn’t ceased. Rose was getting hungry and wanted to go for her dinner, so bid her goodbye’s and headed out onto the street.

The evening wasn’t so cold, the sky was still light, but Rose didn’t fancy staying around until night drew in and the temperature dropped. She stepped away from Ms Harding’s front door and began her journey home.

‘Jesus, you’re brave for wearing those.’

Rose looked to where the voice came from, and saw a lady approach her. She was smartly dressed, not like Rose, who still donned her dirty work trousers. The lady had a smile on her face, so Rose stopped to answer back.

‘They’re only for work.’

‘A man’s work, I suppose.’

‘Yes.’ Rose gave the woman a small smile, and watched as she gestured her head over to Ms Harding’s front door.

‘Did Ms Harding get her money?’

Rose let out a breath she didn’t realise she had been holding. The lady must’ve been friendly with Ms Harding, otherwise she wouldn’t have known about the money.

‘Yes.’ Rose replied. ‘She’s annoyed that the horse didn’t win, and told me I’m to take the money for myself the next time a bet too good to be true comes around.'

The lady laughed, her crow’s feet showing because of it, and Rose smiled too. She didn’t think it was a funny comment, and wondered if the lady was just humouring her.

‘You’re working down at Charlie’s yard, aren’t you?’

‘Yes, just a few days a week.’ Rose didn’t bother worrying about the lady knowing that piece of information, the light smile on her face made it seem less menacing.

‘Sorry, I haven’t introduced myself, Rose Alexander.’

‘Polly Gray, Tommy’s aunt.’

‘Oh.’ A piece of the puzzle slotted into place, and Rose had a quick thought to herself. She wondered if Tommy had told Polly to talk to her, as he was finding ways to have strange conversations.

‘It’s nice to meet you.’ Rose smiled.

‘It’s a shame that we haven’t met sooner, considering your family do business with us. It’s almost like your family as well, as you’re working for Charlie.’

Again, Rose thought that Polly was just humouring her.

‘I don’t know about family.’ Rose brushed off. Polly shook her head and took a step forward, bringing herself closer to Rose.

‘Us ladies in Small Heath have to look out for one another. I’ll always have my door open if you’re caught short one day, remember that Rose.’

The intense stare that Polly had trapped Rose, and she could do nothing but believe every word.

‘That’s very kind of you, Mrs Gray.’

‘Mind how you go.’

Rose watched as Polly walked off and across the street, she remembered it being the same house that Tommy had walked into the other week. Rose always assumed that Ms Harding would be the person to call upon if she was stuck, but then that had changed to Charlie, and then it was Polly. There were things that Rose had been caught short by in the past, but that’s where they stayed, and there was no need to bother anyone in Small Heath with her past.


	2. Part One | Sad Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

Tommy Shelby wondered how he didn’t become more exhausted during the day. He wondered if anyone else that was subjected to the same events as him would still be scratching at walls when the night drew in.

He thought that the drive to and from the Lickey tea rooms would be enough to wear him out, but once again, he was led on his side, his opium pipe resting on the bedside table, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of his bedroom wall. Like usual, there were taps on the other side of it, and Tommy felt on edge, fearing what was just behind the wallpaper.

The placid moments on his bed was the only time in which Tommy let himself remember. In his true waking moments, there wasn’t enough time or even space in his mind to think about such thoughts, he had the business to think of. There was the Lee family, and whatever scheme they were coming up with, and Ada’s pregnancy, with the father being Freddie fucking Thorne, then the bullet that was in his jacket pocket. The bullet would burn a hole in his side whenever he wore it, but at least it was something that took over the thoughts of France during his day.

Then there was Inspector Campbell, who he had only seen that afternoon. The guns that his men had picked up at the BSA were a huge burden, and Tommy couldn’t help but think that they were made more of a burden as they became part of a deal. What he was asking for was fair, but they still sat there, still in his hands, but, at least, still taking up space in his mind.

The last thing that was crowding his mind during the hours of the day was that girl. Tommy had taken to calling her ‘that girl’ because Rose was too sweet a word, and he feared that the sweet word would take up too much space in his mind for him to even function. That girl, who wore trousers and had messy hair, was enough to pull him from his quiet moments into moments of reflection. She didn’t care how she spoke to him, she didn’t care how she looked when she was in his company, he had seen her in her own territory, so there was no need for her to look sharp in his presence. He wondered what Charlie had told her about him, if he had warned her to stay away, or think about minding her tongue.

The thoughts about that girl faltered when he was in his room and had smoked his pipe, they always shifted to what was behind the wall. No one would be important enough to change his thoughts in that instance.

\-----

The days continued, Tommy was relenting his growing need to smoke every night, and sometimes just settled with a few glasses of whiskey to make sure he got off. He had to deal with Arthur and his moaning’s, Tommy was taking over the business, Tommy wasn’t talking to the family before doing anything, Tommy this, Tommy that, Tommy got sick of hearing his name come out of his brother’s mouth soon enough. He let Arthur have his moments, but he never promised anything to him, nor John, nor Polly, he did things his own way, just how he wanted.

He couldn’t hold off for much longer, however, the glasses of whiskey he’d throw down his throat were settling like water in his stomach, Tommy wasn’t able to just have the drink and be done with it, so went for his pipe instead. Once again, there were people behind his bedroom wall, knocking and scraping, and they were getting so close, closer than before.

Tommy shot up in his bed, eyes trained on the wall, watching if the people the other side dared to break through, but they were scared away from a knock on the front door.

‘Tom! Tom!’

It was Curly who had scared them away, Tommy looked to his window to see him calling and beckoning, and to repay him for making them flee, Tommy threw on his coat and left his room.

They ran in the rain, all the way to Charlie’s yard. Curly wasn’t giving anything away, and when they reached the yard, he followed him to his horse, the horse he bought off of the gypsy’s.

A curse. A bad seed in the hoof. A cursed horse was nothing but a dead horse. Tommy had cocked his gun and looked the unnamed horse straight in the eye, then he pulled the trigger.

The sound of the trigger being pulled woke Tommy up for the night. Before he left the yard, he impulsively looked around to see if Rose had been a witness to the horse’s death, but then he internally rolled his eyes. It was the dead of night, there was no chance of her being out at the yard, and he shivered in his coat, either being from how wet it was, or from the thought of her.

There wasn’t a chance of going back to sleep, so Tommy thought he’d try his luck with more whiskey, a little shred of hope in him remained to believe that it might be the tonic.

As Tommy made his way to the Garrison, he let himself think about that girl. The moon was assumed to be bright in the sky, but there was no chance of seeing it through the clouds that covered Small Heath, and Tommy bartered in his mind that when the moon was out, he was allowed to indulge in the thoughts of that girl.

He wondered how she would react to seeing the dead horse, if it would still be there when she went in for her next shift. It hadn’t occurred to Tommy to ask how long it would take to get rid of it, it wasn’t his job to complete so he hadn’t worried. But he worried about Rose’s reaction, if it would sicken her, if she thought he was sick to be the merciful one that pulled the trigger.

But then Tommy thought about her family, both her father and her uncle dealt with death every day, so Tommy assumed that she would have to be used to it, death was still death whether it was a human or a horse. But then Tommy thought again, as the journey to the Garrison seemed longer than he remembered, that she had been away for some time. Just like Polly, he had a word with a few people that knew better than he did, and found out a bit more of Rose’s disappearance. He learnt that she had arrived over four months ago, from Derbyshire. There was a family member that lived there, and Rose had been away for ten years, all through the war. Ten years was a long time, long enough for an adult, but surely an age for a child. Tommy wanted to keep learning new things about her, but didn’t want to arouse suspicion, especially not from Polly.

The Garrison was closed when he arrived, as was suspected, and he kept banging on the glass until Harry opened it.

It was company he wanted, and if Harry had been the one to open the door, he would’ve let Tommy in and listened to whatever spew ended up coming out his mouth, but it was Grace who opened the door, so he had to make do.

Of course, she had to bring up the horse he had just shot in the head. It was almost as if poetic irony was stinging him in deep down in his chest, he threw back a glass of whiskey to suppress it.

‘He looked at me the wrong way. It’s not a good idea to look at Tommy Shelby the wrong way.’

Tommy’s words had him thinking back, back to the day that Watery Lane was trashed, and that girl in her trousers was standing across the street, looking at him and at nothing else. He felt as if he was a liar, he claimed something about himself to Grace, but had done nothing to the last person who gave him the wrong look.

‘You know, in France …’

Tommy could feel that Grace was looking at him, waiting on the edge of her seat for him to finish his sentence, but nothing came of it. Instead of finishing his sentence, one that Harry would’ve understood if he hadn’t gone to the pictures, Tommy reached forward and took a cigarette for Grace as compensation for the unfinished sentence. He then took one for himself, listening to Grace’s questions, and replied to them, keeping his answers short.

Grace started talking about her dress, the one he’d asked her to buy for the races, then even dared to ask about her insistence on singing. The bloody singing, another piece of his mind taken up.

‘Since when?’

‘Since you nearly smiled.’

Whatever smile Grace thought she had seen had been wiped off of Tommy’s lips. There was nothing to smile about. He had just lost a quality racehorse, she was banging on about the bloody dress, she had given him nothing to smile about.

‘Saturday nights, open and easy.’ Grace continued, not discouraged by Tommy’s blank stare.

Not blank for long, however, as her mention of Dublin almost made Tommy roll his eyes. He knew of her not working in Dublin. Not only did he have ears to the ground in Birmingham, but in Dublin as well, and he watched how Grace’s face fell at the truth coming out. To save her from further embarrassment, Tommy put his assumptions on her, thinking that she dropped out of a good family because of an unplanned pregnancy. The only time he had wanted to smile that night was when he was proved right, Grace admitted that his suspicions were true.

‘You won’t tell anyone my secret?’

‘Do you think I tell people things?’

To divert from his mind from running away from him, he got Grace to sing him a song, one to send off his disposed horse. However, it wasn’t the horse he thought of, but his past, the one that existed before the war, and he couldn’t handle it. He grabbed the bottle on the table, and saw himself out of the Garrison.

The rain had started again, but he was already soaking, so it didn’t matter. That song has disrupted his thoughts once again, it seemed that he couldn’t keep his mind clear anymore.

\-----

On days where Rose didn’t have to go to the yard, she didn’t feel rushed in going to see Ms Harding. In an effort to wear herself out, Rose liked to take the long route from her house to the grocers, then almost retrace her steps in going from the grocers to Ms Harding’s house, all to keep her moving, and hopefully keep her busy.

The day was like any other, Ms Harding kept Rose in her seat with another story of her past, Rose nursed her tea and let herself zone out, her eyes were on the coals that were hot in the fireplace, and her tea went cold.

After Rose had come back to her senses, she knew she had outstayed her welcome, and thought about the route she was going to take home. Before she even thought about whether to go left or right from Ms Harding’s front step, she caught eyes with Ms Gray across the street.

‘Not wearing your trousers today?’ She called over. Polly crossed the road with her arms crossed over her chest, and Rose wondered if she had been waiting for her to leave Ms Harding’s house.

‘No, I don’t go to the yard on Monday’s.’ Rose replied.

‘Did you want to come in for tea, you look like you could use some.’

Rose was about to say that she had already had some at Ms Harding’s, but when she had a second thought about it, she realised that she hadn’t drunk her tea, it had gone cold in the cup. It would’ve been a silly to give such an excuse to Polly, so she agreed, and followed her across the street and into the house. Rose had to remind herself that Tommy lived there too, and wondered if he would mind her being there without his permission.

‘Finn, out of the kitchen, we have company.’

Rose looked to the little boy sat at the kitchen table, he had turned in his seat to watch them enter the room.

‘Hello.’ Finn said, and Rose smiled back at him. Her immediate thought was that Finn was Polly’s child, but she promptly explained that he was a Shelby as well, Tommy’s youngest brother. Rose wondered how many brothers Tommy had, but didn’t think it was the kind of question that would go without a strange look from Polly, so kept it to herself.

Rose sat herself down at the table and watched Polly set the things out for tea. She had offered to help, but Polly waved her away.

‘How long have you been back in Birmingham?’ Polly asked, pour the boiling water from the kettle into the teapot.

‘How did you know I was away?’ Rose cocked her head at Polly.

‘Small Heath is small by name and nature, word travels fast.’ Polly smirked, making her curiosity light-hearted in an attempt to not scare Rose.

‘Oh, four and a half months now.’

Rose said her thank you’s as Polly poured her a cup of tea, and Rose put a spoonful of sugar in it, carefully stirring, and taking note not to scrape the spoon against the sides of the china, it looked too precious.

‘Where had you gone? My Ada said the other day that she remembered you from long ago, when you used to wear your hair in pigtails.’

Rose smiled at the thought, she remembered how her mother used to take care in making sure there wasn’t a hair out of place, a rare, fond memory of the past.

‘That was a long time ago. I lived with my great aunt in Derbyshire, I went there when I was ten. My parents wanted me to have a good education, and my aunt had the money to provide that.’

‘How long were you away?’

‘Ten years. I was going to come back, but then the war …’ Rose trailed off, and Polly nodded her head, they both knew what the war meant for people, and no more had to be said about it.

‘I understand.’ Polly took a sip of her tea, then set it back down on the saucer. ‘And now you’re working by the cut.’

Rose shrugged her shoulders. ‘I don’t mind it there, I used to work with horses when I lived with my great aunt.’

‘She had horses?’

‘No, a neighbour did, I worked at the stables.’

‘But did you achieve your good education?’

‘I did, but there aren’t any jobs in Small Heath to put it to good use, unfortunately.’

After having tea with Polly, Rose decided to stop worrying about making friends in Small Heath. She didn’t truly think that Polly had a malicious cause in wanting to get to know her, so she allowed Polly to ask questions, and she allowed herself to be open with someone new.

The reason why she let that side of her life ease was because her home life was becoming tense. Rose was happy about being out of the house, two days a week at Charlie’s yard, going to deliver Ms Harding her groceries and be in her company, and then there was another client of her father’s that she went to see, just once a week. There was a routine being built in her life, and it was necessary for it to be there otherwise Rose would’ve stopped functioning, but her parents had their doubts, and they weren’t bothered in sharing them.

‘I still don’t like you working at the yard, I shouldn’t have agreed to it.’ Her father would say, which only confused Rose more. They wanted her to get a job in the first place, but then they were taking it back for some reason.

‘What’s wrong with having a job? I know it’s only part-time, but-’

‘It’s not that it’s part-time, it’s because Thomas Shelby uses that yard.’ He stated. Again, Rose was confused.

‘But you work with Thomas sometimes.’

‘He comes here, to my office, and we’re on the same level, Rose. You go over to his property, where he has major influence. It’s different.’

Rose didn’t bother in questioning her father again, and in times of frustration, she holed herself up in her room.

She thought about how no one told her off for doing anything back in Derbyshire. She and her great aunt got on so well, they’d laugh every day, take walks together on the country paths that were completely foreign in Small Heath, and her work at the stables was met with a good wage, and sometimes praise when she had performed well a particular day.

Rose couldn’t help but miss it severely. She had tried to help herself, she dedicated her days at the yard to working until her muscles ached, she sat with Ms Harding until the sun had gone down, and had been friendly with Ms Gray in an attempt to make a new friend. However, her parents didn’t see her efforts like she did, they only cared about the name she was working for, her connection to Tommy wasn’t something they appreciated.

Since Tommy hadn’t done anything to harm her, or cause suspicion on her part, Rose didn’t understand why her parents were so worried.

Rose continued with her own routine, not worrying about her parents’ opinions with it, and she went around Small Heath with a sterner face. She walked with a purpose, and she worked with a purpose, she decided to not let her parents’ words bother her. Instead, they made her want to work more, it was Rose’s secret revenge.

Polly was becoming friendlier as well, and Rose welcomed it. There were days when they’d talk on the street, catching up with whatever news they had to share. To make herself laugh internally, Rose wondered if Tommy had sent Polly to get to know her. Rose hadn’t seen Tommy around much, there were times when he came to the yard, but they were with the purpose to talk to Charlie, and Rose kept her head down to keep working, she wasn’t bothered if Tommy didn’t want to talk to her.

Rose wondered if Tommy had made an impression on her. She thought about herself in the third person, which she knew was a bizarre thing to do, but since she was thinking about Tommy more, she had to critique herself. When she walked down Watery Lane, she’d look over to Polly’s house and think that Tommy could’ve been in there, or when she went to the yard in the mornings, she wondered if Tommy was going to show up that day. It wasn’t as if she and Tommy were becoming friends like she was with Polly, and she didn’t wander around Small Heath speculating if Polly was going to show up. They had never held a proper conversation with one another, only small talk, and Rose worried about her fascination with him.

As Rose walked down Watery Lane with her heavy basket digging into her arm, she dared a look at the house across the street, to Tommy’s house. She gave herself a second to look in all the windows, thinking that she might’ve caught a glance of him, but her time was up, and the windows looked black in the daylight.

Rose shook her head and breathed out heavily at giving in to herself. She opened the unlocked front door of Ms Harding’s house, and heard chatter in the kitchen. For a short moment, Rose wondered if Ms Harding was talking to herself, but when she walked through the threshold, she saw that not only was Ms Harding sat by the fire, but Ms Gray too.

‘Hello love.’ Polly greeted, and Ms Harding turned in her seat to acknowledge Rose. Rose smiled at both of them, and set to putting away the groceries.

‘We were just discussing the next lot of races, you’ve come back just in time.’ Polly said, looking from Rose to Ms Harding. As Polly spoke about the race, Ms Harding notably turned in her seat to face away from Rose, it was just the back of her that she could see.

‘It’s my money, I can place a bet if I want to.’ Ms Harding spoke with a rough tone.

‘Rose told me that you told her to not let you bet again, didn’t you, Rose?’ Polly said, with a sly smile she shared between them.

‘I did.’ Rose said quietly.

‘It’s my money.’ Ms Harding said sternly, her back still facing Rose. Rose looked to Polly and received the smile again, but her knowing look wasn’t enough to amuse Rose, however, and she couldn’t help but frown slightly at Ms Harding’s opinion.

‘Would you put money down on a horse, Rose?’ Polly took in the frown that Rose wore and was interested for a moment, she didn’t think that such a thing like betting was anything to get upset over.

‘I don’t know how betting works, so I’d better not.’

‘You don’t need to be wasting your money anyway.’ Ms Harding said. She took a sip from her teacup and sighed. ‘I’ve not got long left now, it doesn’t matter what happens to mine.’

Rose didn’t like how morbid Ms Harding’s comment sounded, but didn’t think it would be wise to bring it up. She made sure that Ms Harding was well and comfortable enough, since she felt as if she had interrupted on the conversation Ms Harding and Polly were having as she had walked in.

As Rose kept quiet and worked around the two women, Polly kept her eye out for her, watching in a side glance to not give herself away. She was listening to Ms Harding carry on, but focused on Rose, and how she pretended to not be in the room. Soon enough, Rose said her goodbyes to both of them, and Polly had a few questions in mind to ask Ms Harding about her. However, Ms Harding ended up being her to the punch.

‘She breaks my heart that one, you’d think it was her who was the widow.’ Ms Harding didn’t move her gaze from the fireplace to look at Polly when she spoke, and Polly stayed stock still as she mulled over her words.

‘How’s that?’

‘She’s been like that since she got back. She thinks I don’t see it, but I can tell.’

Polly was confused, and smoothed down her skirt as she wondered what Ms Harding meant.

‘She was pleasant when I had tea with her.’

‘Rose has her manners, her aunt did her proud there, but she’s not happy with something.’

If anything, this made Polly more confused, but she didn’t ask any more questions. Rose began to grow as a mystery in Polly’s mind, the girl had been so polite and kind to her, and although it was a stretch, Polly saw a slight change in Tommy as well. She was something new in Small Heath, not like the other girls her age, who were either married off, or working horizontally to makes ends meet. There seemed to be a determination in her, no matter how quiet she was, and Polly wanted to know why.

\-----

Tommy made his way to the Garrison with his brothers in a good mood, a rare good mood. A few weeks had passed since his late-night trip to the Garrison, and like all slip ups in his demeanour, it was gone and forgotten about. No one needed to know that he had crumbled that night, the only witness to it was the barmaid, Grace.

When he entered the Garrison, he looked over to see if she was there, but of course she was always there. She had looked over when the door opened, only to catch eyes with Tommy, and she put her head down immediately. Tommy was about to join his brothers in the snug, but stopped, as someone had caught his attention. Standing by the rest of the men who were waiting for their drinks was a girl. Tommy was impressed how quickly he had recognised Rose from just the back of her, it was her braid, lying down her back, that gave her away.

Instead of going into the snug and ordering through the hatch, Tommy strode across the floor to go to the bar, the men in front of him dispersed so he could get through. Rose didn’t moved, however, she clearly hadn’t noticed that he was approaching from behind.

‘Yes, Mr Shelby?’ Grace’s voice came from behind the bar, she had abandoned the other person she was serving to go to him. Rose had looked around to her right, she had watched Grace bypass her to approach Tommy.

‘Beer for us, and whatever the lady wants.’ Tommy said.

Rose was still looking up at Tommy, she had almost forgotten herself. A brief wave of shock went over her when she realised that Tommy had approached the bar, then to how he was including her in his order.

Rose looked from Tommy to Grace, who was waiting for her to speak.

‘A glass of dark rum, and a glass of Irish whiskey, please.’

Grace looked back over to Tommy once Rose had placed her order, only to find that he wasn’t looking at her. She turned around and gathered the drinks, keeping her ear out for what they might’ve said next.

‘Thirsty?’ Tommy asked, pulling the carton of cigarettes out of his pocket.

‘I’m with Ms Harding, I got her out of the house.’

Tommy looked over to Rose again, and couldn’t help but offer a small smile. Rose looked proud of herself.

‘She hasn’t been out of her house since the funeral of her husband.’ Rose informed.

‘And you were the one to break the spell?’ Tommy teased. He placed a few coins on the bar for Grace, he never cared if the drinks were on the house.

‘It’s good for her to be out. It was a bribe with drinks, however, so thank you, Tommy.’ Rose took the glasses and raised one up in a cheers motion, then left his side to join Ms Harding across the room.

Tommy ignored the longing look Grace was giving him and went to the snug. He felt uncomfortable knowing that Grace had seen a part of him that night, a very private part of him, and he had hoped that the best thing for him to do was to pretend that it had never happened in the first place. However, seeing the way Grace looked at him, how she was still treating him, made him question what she’d do with that information. He knew he had to keep her sweet to keep her quiet, but thought it was only another burden led upon him once more.

The afternoon was nothing to worry about, until Billy Kimber and his men entered the Garrison. The worries about what Grace thought of him were long gone, as he ordered everyone out of the pub. With the second he gave himself, Tommy looked to see Rose escorting Ms Harding out. They shared brief eye contact, Tommy wanted to apologise for the disruption of her successful plan in helping Ms Harding, but it wasn’t the time.

It wasn’t until Tommy was sat in his office back in Watery Lane that he had a moment for himself. Everything was going to plan, he had Billy in his sights to use him, under the impression that he was helping him with his problems with the Lee’s, and Tommy felt like he had accomplished something finally. Everything that he wanted to have happen was beginning to make its tracks, and he took long drags of his cigarette as he began to figure out what was next.

The bullet with his name on it was lying on his desk, standing upright, with his name glaring at him directly. He stared it down as he let his thoughts unwind, but the there was a harsh knock at the door, which opened without his permission, and Polly walked through. She let herself take a seat in front of his desk, and she folded her arms across her chest.

‘I assume you know what you’re doing.’ Her tone was accusing, nor did it sound annoyed. Tommy likened her tone to being oily, as she was the one who seemed to know better in that situation. Polly’s eyebrows rose naturally to him, Tommy gave her a long stare in return.

‘I think you know the answer to that one already, Pol.’

‘I may know the answer, but I want to hear it from your lips.’ Polly retorted quickly.

‘Everything is in place, as I want it to be.’ Tommy reassured Polly without giving too much away, he was sure that he wouldn’t have to wait long until she knew the answer she wanted, she’d just go about finding them from her many contacts.

‘It’s how it should be, like I said, I know the way in which we can start our legitimacy in racing.’ Tommy was being slightly cryptic in his answers, he liked being able to converse with Polly in such a way. She let him, as well, Polly could be just as mysterious as him if she felt like it.

‘If we’re becoming legitimate, we’d better get someone who understands the books properly.’

Tommy knew that his aunt was talking sense, and he nodded his head to show her that he was on the same page.

‘I’ll see to it the right people are hired, can’t have disloyal people swanning around with exclusive information.’

\-----

Even though he had been in the privacy of his office, Tommy didn’t think it was wise to tell Polly that he had Rose in mind for a job. It would be jumping to conclusions, Tommy knew that it was possible she didn’t have the right skills for what he wanted. He knew that she would’ve appreciated to work if he ended up offering it to her, but Tommy amused himself at the thought of her in her work trousers, looking like any other grafter in Small Heath. He would miss seeing her look as dishevelled as the rest of them.

One ritual he didn’t like was having to go to the Garrison, knowing that Grace was going to be there. It felt as if they were on an uneven understanding of one another, he needed to see something of her to make himself feel better. Just knowing her past in Ireland wasn’t enough, he wondered if their trip to the races was going to get them on an even keel.

Tommy was meeting with some IRA members at the Garrison, and that was supposed to be his main priority, not some barmaid or a yard girl. Grace still tried Tommy’s patience however, even after witnessing one of the men sing a bloody IRA song in the pub of all places, he wondered if she had been used to the song, or if it hurt her ears like it did his.

Grace pushed her luck with the dress, and he gave in to please her, giving her two pound and ten shillings extra. Grace was pleased at the sight of it, but Tommy’s mind thought to who she was really dressing up for, and what that money was going towards.

‘Next time I could translate.’

‘You’d work for me?’

‘I thought I already was.’

Grace had got him there, accompanying him at the races meant that she was, in truth, working for him. She had him in the palm of his hand once again, so Tommy decided to throw a spanner in the works.

‘Buy something red. To match his handkerchief.’

Tommy left briskly, leaving Grace in confusion, and that was his victory in their short conversation.


	3. Part One | The Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

The sun wasn’t shining high in the sky, but Rose felt a sweat come on when she was working that day in the yard. She thought that it must’ve been from the fires nearby, the industrial quarter had roaring fires at every turn, so Rose put the blame on them.

After shovelling the hay from the stables, so much shovelling that she began to choke from the dust, Rose wiped her brow and took a moment for herself. She leant on her pitchfork, she thought it was safe to take a break as Curly wasn’t in the stable with her, ready at a moment’s notice to give her another job to do.

A few weeks had passed since the day in the Garrison, the day that she had finally got Ms Harding out of her house. It had been too long since the death of her husband, and Rose was starting to lose her patience. Not once did she raise her voice however, and instead tried the tactic of bribery.

‘I could get you another bottle of whiskey, or you could join me at the pub?’

‘Don’t play games with me, Rose.’

‘No games, just you and me out for a drink. At some place where you’re not inclined to stare at a fire.’

‘I like sitting by my fire.’ Ms Harding was fighting back, but Rose wasn’t giving up.

‘Think about it like this.’ Rose started. She bent down in front of Ms Harding and looked her squarely in the eyes.

‘With you at the pub, where there’s so many people to keep the place warm, you’ll be saving on coal money. The money you save on coal can go towards something else.’

Ms Harding looked away as she gave Rose’s words a thought.

‘Something like, whis-’

‘Alright, if going to the pub will shut you up. Just let me get ready.’

Rose smiled as she watched Ms Harding get up from her seat to find something new to wear, and that smile lasted all the way to the Garrison, no matter how many times Ms Harding told her to get rid of it.

All of that effort, however, had been wasted. They were ushered by Tommy and his brothers to get out of the pub, and all the way back to Watery Lane, Rose got an ear full of how Ms Harding should’ve never gone out, and how she was never going to go out again.

‘Those bloody Blinders!’ She cursed, out stepping Rose as they walked beside one another.

In the passing weeks, Rose didn’t bother trying to convince Ms Harding to go back out, she knew it would’ve been a waste of her breath. The conversation between them had stopped being a series of accusations made to Rose about her poor judgement, Ms Harding had held a grudge for almost a fortnight, and eventually, Ms Harding’s bad mood waned, and they were somewhat back to normal.

Normalcy was just what Rose wanted, and her shifts at the yard were no different. There was the occasion when Rose came in to see that the white horse Tommy bought dead on the stable floor, Charlie had explained that it had gone lame, and was shot in the night. Rose wondered if he was waiting for her to start crying, they hadn’t had enough time to get rid of it before she turned up for her shift, but Rose wasn’t bothered in the slightest. It was just a shame that the investment didn’t pay off, horses were hard work, and all that hard work ended up being a waste.

Rose had helped Curly dispose of the horse, she had done it a few times before back in Derbyshire, and it was another task she wanted to complete to impress Charlie. Most people who weren’t used to seeing dead animals could end up feeling sick at the thought of having to touch the corpse, but Rose only saw it as part of her day, a task to tick off when completed. Work didn’t cease, however, and Rose was soon back to shovelling hay and cleaning equipment before the sun had gone down.

When Rose had caught her breath, and rolled her neck to hear it click, she got back to work. She came up with a rhythm in her mind, one to hear the pitchfork scrap across the floor, then another to throw the hay over her shoulder so it landed in small wagon behind her. That rhythm kept her going, until she heard voices outside of the stable. She didn’t bother listening it at first, she assumed it was just Charlie, talking to someone who wasn’t her business, but her rhythm stopped when a voice came from behind her.

‘How’re you enjoying the work?’

As ashamed as she was to think it, Rose knew exactly who it was without having to turn around. She did so, however, thinking it would’ve been rude to not acknowledge Tommy talking to her.

When she turned, Tommy was standing by the entrance of the stable, he stood in the threshold with his hands in his trouser pockets, looking over at her and waiting for an answer.

‘It’s fine.’ Rose replied. She moved over to him slowly, with the pitchfork still in hand. ‘It’s a shame that the horse had to go.’

‘Weren’t too upset, were you?’

‘I’ve seen dead horses before, Mr Shelby.’

Rose watched Tommy give a small expression of surprise, he clearly wasn’t expecting her answer.

‘You have?’

Rose nodded. ‘It’s never nice, though.’

There was a brief moment of silence between them both. Tommy was taking in Rose’s words, it felt refreshing to see how maturely she took the situation, it was clear that she understood the nature of horses, and how things could take a sour turn when it was least expected.

With that thought in mind, Tommy decided to pursue his interest in hiring her.

‘Is stable work your only skill?’

‘No, I can read and write, and I know shorthand and typing.’

Polly had been right about the good schooling, Tommy was impressed.

‘What about putting together a set of accounts?’

'Yes, I could do that.’

Tommy had to praise Rose for her eagerness, there was no doubting that he had her full attention. Tommy took a drag of his cigarette, letting the moment be still between them, he knew that Rose was waiting for him to speak next.

‘If I had a job lined up for you, in bookkeeping, would you be interested?’

‘Would it be full-time?’

There was a silence again, Tommy let the comment wash over him. He had barely finished his sentence, and Rose was already bargaining with him. It was a smart move, her eagerness towards the job was met with questions, it wasn’t as if she was jumping into the opportunity without knowing if it would benefit her.

‘Yes, with a decent wage.’

‘Then yes.’ Rose said. Not once had she lost eye contact with him, she kept his gaze and attention.

‘It’d be a shame to leave the yard, but I can’t lie, it is money I’m looking for.’

Tommy thought of something to say to Rose’s comment, if it was money she was looking for, a woman with her face and age never had to look further than the bedroom for money, but he thought it wouldn’t be appreciated, and Rose was still holding onto the pitchfork. He didn’t fancy being hit with it, especially as they were getting on so well.

‘How’s Ms Harding? It was unfortunate for those men to come in that day.’ Tommy said. He was conscious of how he was edging into the territory he disliked, the monotony of small talk, but with Rose being the only one to hear him, it wasn’t a worry.

Rose sighed and looked away for a moment. ‘She hasn’t been back out yet, which it a shame.’ Then Rose looked up to meet Tommy’s eyes again.

‘I think I’m getting close, though.’

The unwavering tone of hope in Rose’s voice didn’t sound fake to Tommy, he believed what Rose was saying, and he wanted to believe that she had that much hope in her to help Ms Harding, Tommy didn’t know if he liked the effect it had on him, however.

‘People mourn in different ways.’

‘But she has me to rely on, whenever she needs.’

The comment wasn’t made for Tommy, but she said it aloud anyway. Rose knew how it felt to experience loss, to go through having someone so close, so connected with her existence, then for it to disappear in no time at all. Rose hadn’t mourned like Ms Harding, but that didn’t mean that her experience was any less painful.

When Rose had gone through her loss, it was her great aunt who was there to help bring her back. If she hadn’t have been there, Rose daren’t to think what she would’ve done, and she knew that the right thing to do was to help Ms Harding in the same way, with unwavering support.

‘That’s a selfless thing to do.’

Rose wondered if Tommy had meant to say those words out loud as well, and he seemed to regret them when he did so. Rose gave a curious look to him, which was too obvious, and Tommy said a quick goodbye and promptly left the stable.

As Rose carried on with her work in the yard, she pondered over the comment Tommy had made, the one she guessed he accidentally said. It was harsh to think so, but Rose had to be honest with herself; she wondered if Tommy was the type to know what a selfless act was. Looking after an old widow who was too scared to leave the house was just a decent thing to do, Rose didn’t see it as selfless. There was nothing heroic about it, and she didn’t understand how Tommy’s mind worked for him to think like that.

Tommy always wore a fine suit and was clean shaven, he presented himself as a man that cared about what he looked like, not only for himself, but for those around him, he had to maintain an image about himself. If his mind was too focused on that image, Rose guessed that he didn’t have time to understand what selfless meant.

Rose made her way home with her stomach rumbling, all that she could think of was what her mother was going to make for dinner. Her steps were long, she was keen to get home and eat, and had kept her pace up until she got to her back door. Going through the back door meant she could be quiet about it, using the front door meant going through the office and upstairs, and her mother had forbidden her to do so after a day in the yard. Mary had told Rose that if she was to walk through the office, she had to clean the floor from her dirty shoes. As an alternative, Rose went the back way, and took off her work shoes by the back door, then walked through the house in her socks.

Once her shoes were tucked away, Rose stretched her toes out of relief, and turned to go up to her room. It was past six, there were never any scheduled clients after five, so the voices that Rose’s ears picked up within the house weren’t from a client. Rose tiptoed to the door, the one used for discussing business with clients, and she put her ear to it, not caring that she was being blatantly intrusive.

The voices she heard were familiar, it was her uncle Robert who was speaking, and the replies were of her mother and father. They hadn’t said anything about uncle Robert coming over for dinner, so Rose wondered what his unscheduled stop was about. She kept her breath low, her fingertips just touched the door to steady herself, and she listened in.

‘… and I had to do it, I had no choice.’

‘I understand, Robert, but Christ, this is getting messy.’

Rose furrowed her brows, it was clear they were mid conversation, and it didn’t make sense to her.

‘The thing that worries me is that it wasn’t just a regular man, the one that was shot was IRA.’ Uncle Robert said. His tone was different to usual, it was harsh and desperate.

‘And that’s going to attract attention you think? From the Peaky Blinders?’ Henry asked.

‘The Inspector didn’t say anything about Tommy, he just gave me the money and no ultimatum.’

‘If word gets out …’

‘We have to keep this between us. I don’t like that Inspector, it’s bad enough that we work with the Blinder’s, but to be in the force’s pocket as well ...’

Rose let out a breath she had been holding, and moved back from the door. She regretted listening in, she didn’t know what to do with herself. Instead of staying there, stock still and obvious to anyone who opened the door, she moved away, her socks were hiding her footsteps, and she went up to her room. Once the door was closed, Rose let herself relax.

The information that Rose had heard was patchy, one thing that was sure, however, was that a man had died, and her father and uncle were worried about it. Then Tommy’s name had been involved, and she was sure that it was Tommy Shelby, not some other man.

The name Peaky Blinders had been heard many times, it was something that was banded around Small Heath, even mentioned by Charlie at the yard, and Rose wasn’t that dim to realise that it was a gang of sorts. From her parents and uncle’s discussion, Rose made the connection of Tommy and the Peaky Blinders, and it left Rose wondering just what kind of man Tommy was to be involved in a IRA shooting.

\-----

A few weeks passed, and Rose still didn’t know what to do with the information she heard from her parents and uncle. There was never a good time to bring it up, not when she saw Tommy, or had a chat with Polly. The tone of the conversation was suspicious, and Rose knew better to go around talking about such things, especially when she had gathered that information through sneaking around.

Rose pretended that she hadn’t heard anything, and her parents treated her as such, since they didn’t know better. Rose wondered what trouble her uncle was getting into, and if it would have a knock-on effect on her father. Despite knowing it was wrong, Rose did linger by the door to the back room a few times, wondering if her parents would be brave enough to discuss it again, but nothing had come of it.

Having the knowledge on her mind made Rose go quiet again, she had stopped trying to convince Ms Harding to go out of her house, instead she just let her do her own thing, which was usually knitting by the fireplace in her kitchen. Rose was inclined to sit with her in the silence, the teacup in her hand went un-sipped, Rose would zone out and forget her surroundings.

Not much drama occurred for Rose to take her mind off of her thoughts, and she strolled silently to the Garrison one day, with the task of fetching a bottle of whiskey for Ms Harding. She was lost in her thoughts until someone brushed past her, catching her off guard.

‘Ms Gray!’ Rose said out loud. ‘Are you alright?’

Ms Gray turned at being called, and the stern look she had on her face softened. Once Polly realised it was Rose, she didn’t want to be angry, despite where she had just come from. Rose never had a bad intention, however Polly noted she was the first person who had stopped her storming through the streets, so although she meant well, Rose couldn’t see when a woman needed to be left alone. Instead of chiding her for interrupting her journey, Polly replied to her question.

‘Yes, I’m fine love, just men pissing me off.’ Polly answered with a cutting tone, but it didn’t discourage Rose.

‘Would you like to go for a drink? I was on my way to the Garrison anyway.’

Polly smiled softly, surprised that Rose had the confidence to ask her out, and she decided to indulge her in her offer. They walked together to the pub, Rose had to keep up with Polly’s quick pace, and when they entered, it was heaving.

Rose tried to look over the heads of the people to find a spare table, but Polly pulled on her arm gently, and nodded her head towards the snug.

‘Come on, a Shelby privilege.’

Rose followed without questioning, the snug was empty when they entered it, and Polly went over to open the hatch on the wall connecting to the bar.

Grace was the one who took Polly’s order, noting that there wasn’t another Shelby in the snug, only the girl who worked in the industrial quarter. Grace had seen her around a few times, she had been to the pub before and Grace knew her order. She wondered how the girl knew Polly, and kept flicking her eyes over to her as she made herself comfortable.

Polly shut the hatch when they got their drinks, and placed them on the table, and like usual, Polly did the honours and poured both drinks.

‘I thought only Tommy and his brothers were allowed in here.’

‘It’s the Peaky’s room, and I did my bit when the boys were away, so I have as much a right as them to be here. And you’re my guest.’ Polly smiled, and offered Rose one of the glasses of rum. Rose took it, and started digging into her pocket.

‘How much was the drink?’

Polly put her hand up and said, ‘No, my treat.’

‘But I was the one who suggested to come here.’

‘Why did you suggest to come here?’

‘Honestly, you looked like you could’ve used a drink.’

Polly let a laugh out at Rose’s words, and Rose in turn felt encouraged to laugh too.

‘Not that it’s any of my business, though.’ Rose said quietly.

‘I’ve been nosy with you, Rose, asking you about your past. I’m interested in you.’ Polly said truthfully.

‘Interested?’

‘You disappear for a decade, then come back. And that’s me being nosy.’ Polly smirked.

‘It was a long time.’ Rose said.

Rose’s words were left hanging in the air for a few quiet moments, Polly looked over to Rose with a curiosity.

‘A long time.’ Polly stated. Her words were an attempt to push something out of Rose, since she had still remained quiet about her time away. It wasn’t to pressure her, Polly knew the importance of someone wanting to keep their mouth shut, but she thought about Ms Harding’s comment, where she had likened Rose to a widow. It was natural to keep something so clearly distressing bottled up, but Polly wanted to be the one Rose could rely on.

‘No one’s life is without dramatics.’ Rose ended up saying, stopping the silence between them. It was a move in the right direction, so Polly couldn’t force any more out of her.

‘Mine included. It’s just encouraging to know that there’s someone there to share in effect of it.'

‘I agree.’

Polly raised her glass to Rose, and Rose raised hers in return. They clinked their glasses together, and downed the liquid in one. Rose felt encouraged, and went ahead to pour another glass each of rum.

‘Now, Charlie’s yard, is that what you’re doing with your life?’

Rose smirked, nursing her drink. ‘You sound like my mother.'

‘A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be shovelling horse shit two days a week. Do you have any skills in accounting, or anything secretarial?’

Rose wondered if Tommy had gone back to Polly with what she had told him, it seemed like a coincidence that they’d both be asking about her education.

‘You know, Tommy was at the yard the other week talking about a job.’

Polly raised her eyebrows in surprise. ‘He was?’

‘He said he might have something in bookkeeping available soon.’

Polly didn’t make it seem obvious, but she wanted to laugh at the thought. She already had the intention of thinking to hire Rose to the business, but it seemed that Tommy had already beaten her to the punch. Polly amused herself at how proactive Tommy could be when it suited him.

‘I said it would be a shame to leave the yard, but I can put together a set of books, so why not?’

‘Why not.’

Both Rose and Polly threw back another glass of rum. Rose looked over to ask if Polly wanted another, but she seemed deep in thought for a moment.

‘Has the drink helped?’

Polly returned her gaze to Rose, and smiled.

‘Yes, much calmer now. Families seem to do everything and more when getting on your nerves.’

Rose took a shot at an assumption.

‘Was it Tommy?’

Polly scoffed, and Rose felt embarrassed for being so blunt.

‘No, my Ada.’ Polly didn’t tell Rose off for assuming, and let out her feelings to her instead.

‘Ada and her husband. He can’t see when an opportunity for the better is in front of his nose.’

Rose nodded her head, but didn’t think it was her place to ask any more questions about it. They didn’t stay long in the snug after that, both of them had things to do, and Polly left Rose with a quick kiss on the cheek as a goodbye, and Rose couldn’t stop herself from blushing at the action.

Polly left the Garrison, but Rose hadn’t forgotten why she had gone there in the first place. Rose exited the snug and pushed past the crowds to get to the bar. Grace went over to Rose before Harry could, not only with the intention of taking her order.

‘A bottle of Irish whiskey, please.’

‘Didn’t you want to talk through the hatch?’ Grace asked, not moving to get the bottle just yet.

‘Oh, I’m not a Shelby, I don’t think it would be appropriate.’

‘You’re good friends, though.’

‘Polly’s friendly to me.’

‘There aren’t many that are around these parts.’ Grace gave the girl a soft smile before turning around to grab a bottle from the cupboard. She wanted to leave her with a sweet smile to see if she would talk more, and it paid off.

When Grace brought the bottle to the counter, the girl handed the money over.

‘I’m Rose … Alexander.’

Grace took a note of it in her mind, keeping it as something to perhaps tell her Inspector.

‘Grace Burgess. There aren’t many young girls around these parts either, let alone nice ones.’ Grace’s compliments were working, as Rose dipped her head slightly, out of shyness.

‘Polly says that the ladies in Small Heath should look out for one another.’

‘Sounds good to me.’ To strengthen the moment, Grace gave Rose a wink, which was replied with a smile from Rose.

‘If you ever have a problem, I’m here. I’m a barmaid, so you already know I’m a good listener.’

‘That’s kind of you, thank you.’

Rose left Grace with a genuine smile, but Grace’s forced smile dropped the moment Rose had turned to leave. It had only taken her a few moments of small talk to gauge just what kind of person Rose was. She seemed to have a better connection with the Shelby’s, better than what she had achieved herself, and wondered if it was because of her trusting nature. Grace even thought that it was childlike in the way that she acted with her, taking every word she was saying truthfully, not giving her promise a second thought. It wasn’t a problem for Grace, however, she didn’t mind the thought of using Rose to get to the family.

Grace remembered the name Alexander, and thought about contacting Campbell to send it over. It would’ve been a loose connection, but a connection to the Shelby’s no less.

\-----

Arthur was too easily pleased as he stood in the Garrison, having just changed ownership with Harry. All Tommy had to do was name the price, and it was in the Shelby name that afternoon.

As well as the Garrison being something his brother could focus on, Tommy knew that it was a good investment for the business, they needed a building to pass the money through, and the Garrison was just on their doorstep, a golden opportunity that couldn’t be thrown away. It was also an opportunity to have a spare job available, one he wanted Rose to fill in. There was nothing other than that, however, Tommy wanted to hire Rose since she had the right skills, and that’s where their relationship would start and end, just being professional. Tommy had to argue in his head that there was no secret cause to it, he needed someone to fill a job role.

With Sergeant Moss bringing him bad news, and it had to be about Freddie Thorne, Tommy felt exhausted again. Not only had Freddie swanned back into Small Heath, but he was still organising rallies at the BSA factory, resulting in working men going on strike. Of course, the sergeant linked it back to him, and had to pass some ungodly news. Despite her shortcomings, Ada was the last person who needed to be targeted by the authorities, she had married to become a Thorne, but she was still a Shelby in Tommy’s eyes.

Tommy had to take things into his own hands, like usual, and met up with Freddie by the cut. He had held a gun to his head, shared his true thoughts, but Freddie had gotten the better of him.

‘Do you even know the word?’

The word, although Tommy never said it aloud anymore, was not foreign in his mind. Love. Tommy had the ability to love before the war, Tommy was selfish to his soul before the war. He had loved, and it ended in grief, and then he spent the war in godforsaken tunnels. There was nothing to love after that, Tommy thought, but that didn’t mean he knew what it felt like.

With the memory still in his mind, the feeling was still real. Tommy let himself think about it, just to know if it was real or not, to wonder about Rose. He had to barter with himself though, there wasn’t much he knew about that girl, so there was no chance of him feeling anything close to what he felt with Greta. But there was something there, and it was becoming a lot harder to ignore.

Tommy thought himself a good judge of character, and he knew there was something more to Rose’s extended period away, but he hadn’t thought it necessary to go about finding the answer. Either he’d hear through contacts, or Polly, or there would come a time when Rose would tell him herself. Until then, whatever thoughts Tommy had of Rose that weren’t professional were kept to the back of his mind.

The thoughts at the back of his mind had stayed but for a few days, until Polly decided to test him. Both of them knew there was a mutual respect between one another, which meant that Polly wasn’t afraid to talk to Tommy, even if the subject was going to be blue.

As Polly watched Tommy through the pane of glass separating his office from the rest of the room, thoughts were stirring in her mind. With everything that had occurred over the past couple of weeks, seeing Tommy in silence only meant one thing.

‘Thinking up another scheme, Tommy?’

Polly had moved across the floor to stand by his open door. Tommy was looking down at his desk, trying to work out the papers and their content, and Polly’s comment went ignored.

‘We’re almost legitimate. Surely you’d have a smile on your face.’

Tommy looked from his papers up to Polly, not shifting the blank look on his face.

‘I don’t have the paper in my hand, so why should I smile?’

‘Will you hire Rose when you have the paper?’

Polly hadn’t yet let on that she’d spoken to Rose about the possible job, keeping it to herself until the opportune moment came. She was curious to know why Tommy had become so focused on the girl, but didn’t want to shut him out by bringing up too often.

Like the previous question, Tommy decided not to answer Polly, and looked back down to his paper to pretend to read.

‘Wouldn’t want to bring her in whilst it’s still illegal? That’s honourable of you.’ Polly used an accusing tone to get something from Tommy, he usually needed to be bitten to get anything out of him.

‘Do you have something to say, Polly? Or do you insist on eluding?’

Neither of them went on to say anymore to each other, but there were words on their lips despite it. No respite was offered from Polly’s words, as Danny had come back from London that night with nothing but bad news. A shooting that wasn’t the Blinder’s fault, but they were the ones who had to deal with the mess of it.

Tommy made his way to the Garrison, hoping that some peace would be found. Before he could get Harry’s attention behind the bar, Grace came to him and took his drink order.

He wanted peace, but didn’t receive it. Grace talked about Ada, and how she’d been worried about Freddie and him meeting, and how she thought a woman in Ada’s position shouldn’t be stressed. Tommy palmed her off with short comments back, but Grace didn’t take the hint.

‘Men should talk, too.’

‘To you?’ Tommy bit back.

‘Why not? I’m a barmaid. It’s my job.’

Tommy wanted to talk back, he wanted to say that she should know when to stop speaking, as well as start. He wanted to tell her that there’s only so much a barmaid could say until it became interfering. Tommy wanted to say all of those things, but instead he picked up the paper and ignored Grace.

Grace took the hint and left Tommy in peace, but it wasn’t the paper he focused on. Tommy didn’t know how to feel about the barmaid, there was something about her that didn’t sit right with him. He wondered why she was trying to be so friendly towards him, to take concern in what were strictly family matters. He thought about the night Grace had seen him in a different light, where he came into the Garrison, and left even quicker. He regretted that he had shown himself in such a way, as it seemed to give Grace a reason to bother him more than she bothered the other custom. Tommy would’ve preferred Grace to be like Rose, who never asked more than was necessary.

\-----

Tommy tried not to let his negative feelings towards Grace bother him as he got ready for the Cheltenham races. He levelled out his mind and focused on the business that he needed to attend to that day, rather than worry about what kind of questions Grace would’ve asked him. The car ride would’ve been the worst part, Tommy thought, being alone with a barmaid who thought she could get away with being nosy may have ended him before he even uttered words to Kimber.

The car in question had to be picked up from Charlie’s yard, and as a better send off than Tommy expected, Rose was there. She had just started her shift, but had stopped to take a look at the car Curly was seeing to.

‘Are you betting on a horse?’ Rose asked Tommy. He had walked up to her side, and hoped that she would’ve provided some respite before his journey.

‘No, I’m going to do business.’

The comment was meant to be a test, Tommy wanted to know if his vague comment would be picked up on. Tommy wondered that if Grace had been listening in, she would’ve been drawn to it like flies to shit.

‘Ah, business.’ Rose said, giving Tommy a brief smile. ‘I’ll take that with a pinch of salt.’

Tommy wanted to exhale loudly, in his world where people could mess him over at any turn, Rose would still be there, polite and unconcerned to what business meant for him.

‘You look very smart.’ Rose said.

Tommy smiled, and couldn’t fault Rose for being obvious. He was standing in a suit that he didn’t have to pay for, clean as a whistle; then there was Rose, and even though she had just started her shift, her clothes looked worlds away from his style.

‘I have to make an impression.’

‘For the person you’ll be doing business with.’

Rose’s words were playful, and she caught on to the small smile Tommy gave her. Their moment ended when Charlie called Tommy over, and he bid his goodbyes.

‘Have a nice day.’

Tommy turned as he walked away, to get one last look at Rose. ‘You too.’

The three of them watched Tommy drive off, and Charlie sighed loudly.

‘You give him an inch …’ Charlie muttered. Rose watched him walk away, but then he turned to look at Rose.

‘You don’t want to know what kind of business he’s up to, Rose. Tommy may seem friendly, but there are thoughts that run through his mind. Even someone like me can’t stand it.’

Rose didn’t know what to think. Tommy had always been pleasant to her, apart from the time when he’d asked her if she ever cleaned her face. It was a comment that didn’t wash well at the time, but Rose thought it would’ve been silly to hang onto it and hold a grudge towards Tommy. She felt she had got him back anyway, with her comment which wasn’t thought through when it left her lips.

Rose made the clear realisation in the business he was attending to at the races being something to do with the Peaky Blinders. She wouldn’t know where to begin in thinking what he was up to, but if it was something to do with a gang, it couldn’t have been good. The subject wasn’t brought up again while Rose did her shift at the yard, she didn’t think Charlie would’ve appreciated it.

Rose went to check on Ms Harding that evening, who was found in her usual spot by the fire.

‘I placed my bets, Rose, I thought I’d better tell you.’ Ms Harding admitted.

‘That’s alright, I’m not going to tell you off.’ Rose said with a smile, finding it amusing that Ms Harding was admitting it like a secret, like she was a child spilling the truth to a parent.

‘Would you ever go to the races, Ms Harding?’

‘Is this one of your attempts at getting me back out again?’ Ms Harding asked, turning her body a few inches to glare at Rose.

‘No, no secret motive. Tommy Shelby was going to the Cheltenham races today, he picked up his car in the yard.’

‘I saw him going off with that girl from the Garrison.’

Rose stared blankly at Ms Harding.

‘Really?’

‘She was wearing a pretty red dress.’

There wasn’t anyone else Ms Harding could’ve been talking about, it had to have been Grace, but Rose didn’t understand why Tommy was taking her. It was, regrettably, something akin to jealousy, Rose was jealous that Tommy hadn’t asked her to the races.

‘Those Blinders are up to something.’

Ms Harding’s voice cut through Rose’s thoughts, and she thought it best to leave.

Instead of going home straight away, Rose took a detour, down to the cut, far from Charlie’s yard, where she sat on a bench and let herself think. It had come to the forefront of her mind, her feelings about Tommy were changing, and she didn’t know what to do. Just from the conversation that had had that morning, the feel between them was different, there was a light-heartedness that made them both smile, they were comfortable enough to joke with one another.

Rose didn’t want to equate a good joke to something more serious, just because she and Tommy were getting along didn’t mean that she was falling for him, but Rose had other thoughts determining what her relationship with Tommy meant. Rose had never understood the word love. There was familial love, she loved her family, her great aunt the most, but that was a secret she kept from her parents. Then there was platonic love, Ms Harding was someone who fit the bill there, despite her misgivings with Rose, but Rose didn’t know romantic love.

There was a time when Rose almost got a taste for it, but it wasn’t in the natural way. Lust came first, the two of them were desperate with it, and they couldn’t wait until the word love touched their lips. It ended in tragedy anyway, so whatever chance of love that may have occurred never happened.

Then there was Tommy. Rose decided that he was good looking, not only from his sharp jawline and blue eyes, but from the way he treated himself, and her. Tommy respected himself, perhaps to a fault, but he wasn’t blind at seeing the strength in others, even though he was the type to keep it to himself. She liked the way he was treating her, but whether it was anything to do with the Blinders, she didn’t know, and couldn’t help but keep that in the back of her mind.

However, letting herself think more about it, Grace seemed more of Tommy’s type. She was confident and kind when Rose had spoken to her at the pub, she wondered if that’s why Tommy had chosen to take her to the races instead. Grace probably looked better in a red dress than Rose did, and was almost thankful that she didn’t have to parade around in one in front of Tommy.

Rose decided to still be kind to Tommy, he hadn’t really given her a reason to not to, but Rose knew to keep her wits about her. There was no point falling in love with a man who didn’t love her back.


	4. Part One | Shelby Company Limited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

The races had been a success in terms of achieving business for the Blinders. Events were in motion for the next few weeks, Tommy had to bide his time for things to come to fruition.

Despite having a successful day, it ended in a way Tommy hadn’t predicted. Everything was going swimmingly, Grace had come through many times, and there was one final thing that she needed to do to earn her extra money.

As Tommy sat there, and had to listen to the droning on of the lady beside him, he had time to think. He thought about the situation if Rose had been in Grace’s place. At first, Tommy had wondered how Rose would’ve looked in a red dress, which was hard to think of as Tommy had only ever seen her in trousers and work boots. That thought led onto to thinking if Tommy would’ve sent Rose into the house with Kimber, to make her go through what he had planned for Grace. Grace was made of sterner stuff that Rose, he was sure, and Tommy almost felt sick at the thought of imagining Rose being with Kimber, having to be forced to be with him for a bit of extra money.

The thought that had sickened him was the reason he went in to Kimber’s house to get Grace. Tommy made up some lie about Grace being a whore, and that she had the clap, and Kimber seemed to let it go. Grace was waiting in the car for him, her face was sour and mood even worse. He let her tell him off for putting her in such a situation, he knew he deserved it.

‘But then you changed your mind. Why did you change your mind, Thomas?’

Grace’s question went unanswered, he daren’t tell anyone the reason why he had changed his mind.

Later that day, Tommy had had enough. The reason he had changed his mind that afternoon linked directly to the reason he went to see Lizzie Stark. Lizzie had always been good to Tommy since he had come back from the war, she had the talent of reading Tommy before he had even opened his mouth. If he was in one of his moods, which he was that night, Lizzie did what she needed to do, and let Tommy rut against her instead of taking their time together, his base need of sexual intimacy took over his mind, and he only cared about himself.

As Tommy sat at the edge of the bed, tying up his laces, he could tell that Lizzie was led behind him with her eyes glued onto his back, trying her best to read his mind.

‘Do you want to talk, Tommy?’ He heard her say. Tommy walked across the floor to pick up his jacket, he gave Lizzie a stare as he slipped it on.

‘Not what I pay you for.’ Tommy said, digging into his pocket and throwing down a few coins on the mattress. Tommy looked Lizzie once over, she was still wearing a slip of a nightgown, Tommy hadn’t given her enough time to remove before he was on her.

‘I’ll see you next week, then.’ Lizzie teased, trying one last time to get a scrap of emotion out of Tommy. It fell on deaf ears, and Tommy left the room.

As Tommy walked back to Watery Lane, he held a hard stare to the ground. He was changing, he could feel it in his body. It was over that girl, who worked in the dirty yard and had held his fascination for too long, but it wasn’t as if he could go to her house, give her a knowing look and then throw a few coins at her when he was done. Rose wasn’t that way inclined to start with, and the conversation that they shared together was too precious in Tommy’s mind. He and Rose were able to be easy with one another, since she had no issues about him being a Blinder, and Tommy hadn’t given her any reasons for there to be an issue.

Rose wasn’t affected by his wealth, or status in Small Heath, she was humble, and treated people how she thought they needed to be treated, and Tommy was almost jealous. Jealous that someone like her, with potential to go anywhere she wanted, to do anything she wanted, was just working two honest days a week, then seeing to grieving widows. If only his life could’ve been that simple.

\-----

Two weeks had passed since the races, and Tommy couldn’t hold on any longer. They hadn’t yet received the paper to legitimise their bookmakers, but Tommy had already established Shelby Company Limited, and he wanted to be the first person to hire a new employee.

Tommy almost made himself laugh by thinking that going to see Rose at Charlie’s yard was his way of indulging himself. He walked his usual pace to the yard, but when he caught sight of Rose carrying a sack of hay to the stables, he let the sun that was shining on his face wash over him, it sent chills up his body.

Charlie was sorting through books when Tommy approached him at the table.

‘Hello Charlie.’ Tommy greeted.

‘Tommy.’

Tommy took a seat opposite his uncle, and rested his arms in front of him.

‘Look, I’ve got bad news.’

‘What is it now? Not with the Lee’s is it?’

‘No, nothing to do with them. It’s about Rose.’

Charlie tilted his head up, but kept his eyes on Tommy. He didn’t say anything, so Tommy went ahead.

‘I’m employing her under Shelby Company Limited. I’m sorry to take away a good worker, but she has the qualifications I’m looking for.’

Charlie didn’t show any sign of accepting or rejecting Tommy’s plan, he looked back down to his books. Charlie then let out a sigh.

‘Alright, Tommy. But don’t go messing her around. She’s a hard worker, and she needs to be treated as such.’

Tommy gave a smirk to Charlie’s words, it was like his uncle to add a serious clause to anything. Tommy nodded his head to Charlie, then got up from the seat. He looked around to see where Rose had got to, and spotted her over by a stock pile, counting and writing in a notebook.

Even though Rose couldn’t see him, Tommy strolled over with a purpose, his hands were in his pockets, and he felt like a messenger with good news.

‘Morning Rose.’

Rose turned and smiled at Tommy, in that moment he knew that he had done the right thing.

‘Hello Mr Shelby.’

‘That job I mentioned to you before, do you still want it?’

Rose cocked her head slightly. ‘Really?’

‘Come on.’

Tommy let Rose say her goodbyes to Charlie, she had to make sure that he was alright with her leaving first. Then Tommy and Rose walked through Small Heath together, no one dared look at them both for more than a second as they passed workers, mothers with their children, and the odd drunk. With Rose on his arm, she was treated just like a Blinder.

The pub was busy, having just turned midday, and everyone turned their backs out of respect when Tommy entered. That meant Rose was ignored as well, she wasn’t gawped at for wearing men’s work gear, and Tommy paraded her through the pub proudly, daring anyone of the men to stare too long at the sight of them both.

Tommy knew that they had gotten Grace’s attention as well, he could see it out of the corner of his eye. Rose felt the gaze too, and looked over to give Grace a small smile. The smile came out of nerves, it was only after that she realised Grace was the one who had gone to the races with Tommy, the one who looked better in a red dress, but she wasn’t the one that Tommy was hiring.

The two came to a closed door, the one to the small back room, and Tommy went ahead and opened it. Arthur was sat at the desk, a big book splayed out in front of him, with a few stacks of money around it. He had been hunched over, looking at the numbers he had just written in the book, and was muttering to himself.

‘Here you are, Arthur.’ Tommy announced. ‘Your new bookkeeper.’

Rose watched as Arthur looked up from the book of accounts over to them, and his bristled his moustache at the sight of her. He gave her one look up and down, then glanced at Tommy.

‘Will she be getting my floor dirty every time she comes in for a shift?’ He said with a cutting tone.

Rose felt her neck go hot, and her body stiffened from shame. ‘Oh, sorry.’

‘I’ll forgive you if you sort out my adding up, I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong.’ Arthur said, throwing his hand up in the air in irritation.

‘Of course.’

Before Rose stepped forward to help Arthur, Tommy spoke up.

‘This is Rose, Henry Alexander’s daughter.’

Arthur looked back over to Rose, and ran his thumb and forefinger through his moustache and up his jawline, it was information that Arthur spent a second thinking about, and he nodded slowly.

‘Right, and you’re good at this?’ Arthur pointed to the book on the desk.

Rose nodded quickly. ‘I am.’

‘Good, because I need a drink.’ Arthur groaned as he got up from his chair, and both Tommy and Rose moved out of the way so he could leave through the door.

‘Does he want me to do it now? My boots are dirty.’ Rose said, worried that Arthur may have gotten angry at her just standing about.

‘No, you can start tomorrow.’ Tommy reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He held it out for Rose to take, which she did.

‘It’s the contract.’

Rose unfolded the paper and read the large print at the top, ‘Shelby Company Limited’. For a moment, Rose thought she was going to read Peaky Blinders at the top, but then thought how that would’ve been ridiculous. Tommy wouldn’t have been stupid enough to write a gang name on an official document.

‘Welcome to the company.’

‘Should we shake hands on it?’ Rose asked.

‘Would you like to?’

‘People in business shake hands when they seal a deal. I think it would be appropriate, I shook Charlie’s hand when he gave me job.’

Tommy nodded his head slowly, and reached out his hand to Rose. He didn’t check if Rose’s hands were dirty, in the moment he didn’t actually care. When their hands clasped together, Tommy felt chills run up his arm. He realised that it was the first contact they had shared with one another, and Tommy felt his heart stop beating for a second.

‘Would you like a drink to celebrate?’ Arthur opened the door and stepped through with a bottle and glasses in hand. Rose and Tommy let go of their handshake, the quiet moment between them was over.

‘I shouldn’t drink at work.’

‘I said you started tomorrow.’

‘Sounds like an excuse for a drink to me.’ Arthur smiled. He went ahead and poured the drinks, Rose was eyeing up the whiskey with doubt, but she took the glass when Arthur offered it to her.

When all three of them had their drinks, Tommy put his forward.

‘To new careers.’

Arthur and Rose put their glasses forward to join Tommy in his cheers. Whereas Tommy and Arthur downed the drink in one gulp, Rose brought her to her lips slowly, and took a small sip. At the taste of the whiskey Rose made a funny face, the liquid burned her throat.

‘Too strong for you?’ Arthur smiled. Rose nodded and laughed out of politeness when Arthur laughed. The drink remained untouched, and Rose bid her goodbyes to both Tommy and Arthur, she decided to go home since she had the rest of the day off.

Rose walked home elated, the day was only half through but she had got a new job, a better job with a decent wage. Rose didn’t see it as working for a gang, a limited company was an official company, so everything was legitimate.

Like usual, Rose went through the back door, taking her shoes off before entering the house. Rose wondered how it might’ve been different just the next day, she would wear normal shoes to the Garrison to work, there would be no need for her to go through the back door to avoid making floors dirty.

No one was upstairs, her father and mother were downstairs in the office since the work day was still happening. Rose checked the kitchen first, however, to find her parents to explain why she was home so early, but a letter was left on the kitchen table with her name on it.

Rose recognised the handwriting straight away, and forgot about going to talk to her parents. She grabbed the letter and took off to her room, tearing it open. Rose sat on her bed in her work clothes, too eager to read the letter.

_Dear Rosie,_

_Months have passed since you’ve left, and I find myself checking your old room at times, coming to ask if you want some tea, or fancy a walk along the lane. But every time I check, you’re not there, and it makes me sad. I get through the day just fine, Albert still comes by every Tuesday and stays longer than he’s wanted, but he always brings gossip, so I let him have spare shortbread biscuit for it. The chickens have become my closest console, they put up with my problems and doubts if I have them, and they peck at my boots in response. If I have a question for them, it’s one peck for yes, and two for no, and I won’t tell a lie, they haven’t failed me yet. Enclosed with my letter is a quick drawing I did the other day, I know it’s on the back of a grocery list, but I had to get it in the moment, and robins are one of your favourites. Our first Christmas apart will come and go, I don’t want you to worry if you aren’t able to make it to me, you’re all grown up now, and your Christmas should be spent with your mother and father, and all your new friends that I know you’ve made. I’ll be thinking about you until I have no thoughts left, Rosie, you know that this time of year is one of remembrance, I’ll be praying for you as always. I love you and miss you, but I’m happy for you, and I hope to become happier if you send a reply soon._

_Auntie Edna._

Rose let out a sob, wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her jacket and read the letter again. It was the third letter her great aunt had sent since Rose had been in Birmingham, the others were tucked away in her sock drawer. It wasn’t as if Rose was worried that they’d be found by her parents, but they felt like a secret, like her past life was still with her somehow.

Rose set the letter down on her bedside table and began to change out of her work clothes. All the while, she thought of what to reply, what pieces of information she should share, but before she could start writing, her stomach rumbled loudly.

There was a noise from the kitchen, Rose’s parents had obviously had the same idea as her, and she walked in on them preparing lunch.

‘Oh, Rose, we didn’t hear you come in.’ Mary said, she had paused whilst cutting a loaf of bread to look over to Rose.

‘What’re you doing home so early?’ Henry said.

‘I got another job, at the Garrison pub, I’m the bookkeeper now.’ Rose smiled. Her smile, however, was not returned, and Henry and Mary stared at one another in an obvious fashion.

‘The Garrison?’ Henry said, as if he hadn’t heard properly. Rose nodded her head, and looked between her parents to gauge what the problem was.

‘The Shelby’s own the Garrison.’ Mary stated. Rose knew that, it was Tommy who had hired her, and Arthur who had given her a celebratory drink. Rose was confused as to why her parents were displeased.

‘It’s full-time work, I can’t be in the yard all my life. I have the skills to do this job well, and I’m happy about it.’ Rose tried to make things clear to them, but she wanted to ask why they weren’t happy for her as well.

Mary went back to cutting the loaf of bread, but was more forceful with the knife, and Henry turned his back to Rose, not bothering to acknowledge that she was even there anymore. Rose didn’t linger by the door for a moment longer, and despite the growling in her stomach, went back to her room and sat down on her bed in a huff.

They had been mentioning the hours at the yard for weeks, and how they weren’t enough to keep her going. Rose thought they’d be happy for her, they had sent her away to get a good education, which she received, and was now going to use to full effect. Rose couldn’t fit the pieces together, and wrote back to her great aunt with a stern look on her face, she hoped that she didn’t come across as angry to her aunt, but Rose was fed up with her parents’ odd moods.

\-----

Rose’s sleep wasn’t as solid as it could’ve been, usually after a day in the yard Rose was out for the count, but there were worries in her mind that kept her from closing her eyes. Just in the room over from hers were her parents, sound asleep unlike she was, but their thoughts plagued them as well. Rose had come to the realisation herself at two in the morning, the pieces that didn’t fit together were in place. Rose remembered the day she had come home, a few weeks ago, to her parents and uncle talking secretively in the back room. They had talked about an Inspector, regarding the death of an IRA man, and the Peaky Blinders. A loose connection was made between all three of those subjects, and Rose had to assume her parents were worried about the kind of employers she now had, and that their dealings with the Inspector may come into question.

Rose worried for her parents, but thought about it logically. She was hired by the Blinders, the contract she had signed was for Shelby Company Limited, a legitimate company, not some gang. Without telling her parents that she understood why they were worried, Rose knew to do her bidding silently, she wouldn’t breathe a word of anything she heard to Tommy, which would mean unless her parents or uncle slipped up, nothing would be found out. She hoped to God that her family could keep whatever business they had with the Inspector a secret, Rose shivered at the thought of Tommy flying off the handle and targeting the Alexander name.

The work clothes that Rose wore the previous day were still on the floor, and she looked over to them with a thought. She never had to wear them ever again, but only time would tell if it was for the better.

When Rose went into the back room of the Garrison, the desk had been left a mess, papers were strewn all over, and there was even money on the floor. It was clear that Arthur had left it knowing that Rose was to turn up and sort it out. Rose took her coat off, picked up everything that had been left on the floor, and started her work.

Rose worked flat out until her vision started to go fuzzy and her hand started to ache with writing down the new set of accounts. A break was offered when there was a knock at the door.

Grace stepped through and gave Rose a smile.

‘I wanted to check up on you, did you want something to drink?’

Rose gave Grace a smile of relief. ‘I really could, actually. It’s thirsty work.’

‘Something alcoholic?’

‘No, definitely not.’ Rose let out a laugh.

‘We have barley water, is that alright?’

Rose nodded her head and Grace left the room to get the drink. It was kind of Grace to do so, Rose thought, she was making an effort to be nice on her first day. Grace came back in with the drink, and lingered by the desk to make small talk.

‘You work books, then.’ She said. Since Grace has just got her a drink, Rose knew it would’ve been rude to ignore her.

‘I learned at school. I was told that it was a handy skill that would always get me work.’ Rose explained.

‘And here you are.’

‘Exactly.’

‘I know books too, so if you’re stuck with something, I’m just behind the bar.’

‘That’s kind of you.’

‘Don’t think about it.’ Grace brushed off. ‘I’m at least a shade better than Arthur.’

Rose chuckled at the thought. ‘He did leave it in a mess.’

Despite the work carrying on through to the afternoon, Rose was glad that Grace came in a few times to check on her. They would spend a moment to make small talk, either about the Garrison itself, or the custom that was in it, but those moments of easy chatting made the day pass easily.

\-----

Inspector Campbell made his way down the flight of concrete stairs and into the basement of the station. Sergeant Moss had done his bidding, and he was there to see the result of it.

‘He had some kind of seizure.’ Sergeant Moss said, gesturing to the topless man, tied up in front of them both. It was as if the colour of his skin had changed, blood dripped down his arms and back, coating him with the colour red.

Campbell sighed. ‘So you killed him.’ It was a statement, not a question, as it was obvious that the man tied up was no longer breathing.

An address wasn’t recovered, and since it was the primary aim of having Stanley Chapman tied up, Campbell was annoyed. However, another communist dead was never something to frown about.

‘This is not bloody Belfast!’ Sergeant Moss exclaimed.

‘Not yet. But if men like him get their way, it soon will be. So find some stairs, throw him down, and call the coroner.’

Campbell ignored the agitation Sergeant Moss was showing. He gave one last look at the corpse, then turned to walk away.

‘Use Alexander. If he has any awkward questions, ask about the welfare of his mistress in Saltley. That will shut him up.’

\-----

Rose checked on Ms Harding as she made her way home that evening. The day had been full of work again, just three weeks at the Garrison and Rose was still finding receipts tucked in drawers that hadn’t been filed away. The first system that Rose had tried to put together ended up not making sense, as there was no cohesion to the papers she had to account for.

Ms Harding had regarded Rose for how smart she looked in her work clothes, and that it was nice to see that her hair had been brushed for once. At the time, Rose was offended, she brushed her hair every day, even when she was working at the yard. When she was walking home and thinking about the comment again, Rose let out a laugh, then tried to stop herself, as it may have looked odd to walk down the street alone while laughing.

The front door was used instead of the back door, Rose no longer had dirty boots to leave outside. Mary was sat behind the desk, and looked up when Rose walked through the door.

‘Hello, mother.’

‘Hello.’ Mary greeted. ‘Can you go upstairs at start dinner, your father and I aren’t done yet.’

‘Alright.’

Although Rose didn’t want to make dinner, she agreed to do it anyway. After a day at work, she just wanted to relax, to not use her hands like she had been doing all day. She put her coat on the handle on the back of her door, then went to the kitchen to see what there was to put together.

As Rose began to prepare some vegetables, she heard the faint ringing of the bell on the front door. Rose remembered her mother getting up to bolt the door as she’d walked in, it was passed five, therefore they weren’t expecting any more customers. A thought crossed Rose’s mind, and she decided to pursue it.

Rose quickly untied her shoes and left them by a kitchen chair, her footsteps were silent as she made her way out of the kitchen. She gripped the walls and went still when creaks sounded out from underneath her on the staircase, she didn’t get downstairs as quickly as she wanted.

The suspicions she had about the person coming through the front door were correct, but Rose didn’t know if she was glad that she was right. There was no mistaking her uncle’s voice, Rose could hear that he was speaking in harsh tones when she closed in on the door to the back room.

‘And you bloody did it?’ Henry hissed, then there was shushing from the other two.

‘Rose is just upstairs, for God’s sake.’ Mary said.

‘I found out through a friend that she now works in the Garrison, right under Tommy’s feet.’ Robert’s voice sounded out, and he wasn’t happy. Rose could’ve only imagined the stern look on his face, his bushy brows were probably knitted together. ‘You shouldn’t have let that happen.’

‘What could we do? How suspicious would’ve that looked, we have no choice but to let her work there.’

‘She might be able to help us, if things are found out.’ Mary said. At the sound of the conversation being turned on her, Rose recoiled. To hear her parents talk about her in such a way almost gave her the courage to barge in and interrupt the three of them.

‘You mean, she could butter Tommy up instead of him putting us all in the cut?’ Henry asked.

Nothing was said for a moment, the three were exchanging silent glances, so Rose put her head closer to the door, to catch anything.

‘Keep her there, let her be around the Shelby’s and make ties with them. The last thing we need is Campbell knowing about her as well, so we have to keep quiet.’ Henry stated.

Rose had heard enough, and there was a lump in her throat as she moved away from the door. She had listened in to something that wasn’t for her ears, and she felt hurt by it. How would she be able to look her parents in the eye? They had revealed their true feelings between each other and her uncle, Rose wanted to detached herself from them. That wasn’t the game she played, she didn’t do dirty dealings for any Inspector, nor use anyone close to her to curry favour if things ended up bad.

The ten years Rose had spent away had separated the connection between her and her parents, they were only seeing her as an asset, not as their child. Henry, Mary and Robert were dipping their toes into bad business, and going against the loyalty of the Blinders, and Rose only hoped that she would be able to be the one to level out the damage they had done, if the secret was ever found out.

\-----

If Tommy was writing things down in a diary, it would’ve shown he had had a very busy few weeks. He woke up that morning feeling refreshed for once, the night hadn’t been too bad, and the day he’d been waiting for was finally starting.

There was the business with Freddie bloody Thorne, the constant pain in his backside. He had to come back to Small Heath to make trouble, not only for Tommy, but for his whole family as well. A gift was offered in the form of an address, something to give to Campbell to get his mind off of Ada, and then Freddie. For a quick moment, Tommy wouldn’t have minded giving Campbell Freddie’s address, but knew that it would have caused more grief in the long run, and he couldn’t put Ada in such a position, especially when she was pregnant.

His meeting with Campbell was tense, Tommy felt the emotions run high when he raised his gun to the back of his head, but Campbell’s words rang out in his mind. If Tommy had fired that shot, all that he had bargained for would’ve been gone, the risk to his family was too great, but Tommy knew that things would always end up in his favour. He didn’t need to be a coward and shoot the Inspector at point blank.

The other thing taking up space in Tommy’s mind was the Lee family, and their idea of fulfilling their promise of taking Tommy down. The house on Watery Lane had been trashed, Finn had almost died, but when a deal had come through with Zilpha Lee, the event had been forgotten about.

When John had told the family about his marriage to Lizzie Stark, Tommy had rolled his eyes, more than once. John said he had needed someone, but Tommy wasn’t going to let Lizzie Stark become his sister-in-law. Like with all of his other plans, Tommy had the perfect deal to strike with the Lee’s, and it involved John.

The house had been put back to normal, all for the arrival of Billy Kimber. Not only were the family there, but Tommy had wanted everyone to be working when he arrived, to make a good impression. He had wondered about inviting Rose along, she wasn’t hired to be part of the betting side, but she was an employee of Shelby Company Limited, so Tommy deemed that enough of a reason. He liked the idea of letting her see just what kind of people he worked with, like he was proving a point.

The man of the day was already parked in Watery Lane, and Tommy knocked on the window of Billy’s car, then went ahead to open the door.

‘Mr Kimber. Mr Roberts. Come and have a look around.’

Kimber and Roberts exited their car and onto the filthy street of Watery Lane. Tommy wasn’t ashamed at the ground, walls and windows being dirty, they were on his territory, and he liked the way it looked. He reached the front door and, assuming that Kimber wouldn’t want to touch the door knob, did the honours himself.

‘After you.’ He followed the two men inside, and like he had planned, all of his men were at work. Tommy had wanted Kimber to walk in on his operation in full swing, to show that he had many people on his pay roll. It was all done in the quest for the paper that was in Roberts’ file, Tommy looked down at it quickly when they walked into the main room.

‘We heard that the Lees had turned you over.’ Kimber said, taking a drag of his cigar. Of course Kimber had heard about it, but Tommy didn’t think that it was information worth sharing.

‘You shouldn’t listen to gossip Mr Kimber. This way.’ Tommy took the lead and started walking across the floor and to his office. He gave a quick glance to his left, to where the green doors were open and Rose was seeing to Finn at the kitchen table.

‘Business is good,’ Roberts said, ‘especially since you know which horse is going to win before you set the odds.’

Tommy flicked the ash of off his cigarette into a tray on his desk, and watched as both men stepped into his office. He couldn’t help but notice that Kimber was looking away and through the green doors. Tommy pretended he didn’t see it.

‘Your information is very much appreciated.’

The two men stood before him, Kimber’s eyes were raised in a look Tommy didn’t like.

‘Is she a whore as well?’ He said, gesturing his head to Rose. Tommy looked from Kimber to Rose, blinked slowly, and returned his gaze.

‘She works for me.’

‘So, I’m right, then. You’re a dirty boy, Tommy.’

If that was Kimber’s attempt at a threat, or some kind of leveller, it had passed Tommy by, he wasn’t interested in Kimber’s opinions.

John, Scudboat and Lovelock joined the other three men in the office, Tommy introduced them to Kimber and Roberts, and explained their roles within the betting operation.

‘Warwick. Next Saturday. At least fifty yards from the beer tent.’ Kimber announced, showing no emotion to Tommy. He spent no more of his time in the office, and left Roberts to reach into his file and pull out the desired item.

Roberts offered a small smile as he handed it over, then left promptly to join Kimber. Tommy looked over the paper, he couldn’t help but start smirking as he went out onto the main floor. He walked the length of it, everyone around him was stopping what they were doing to watch him. Tommy stood himself in front of the steps, and looked up.

‘Gentlemen.’

He watched Rose walked through the green doors to join the rest of them, Finn was by her side. Polly cleared her throat after Tommy had addressed the crowd.

‘And ladies.’

Polly looked behind to see Rose, and gave her a quick wink.

‘I have in my hand a legal betting license.’ Tommy held the paper up for everyone to see. ‘Issued by the board of control. The Shelby family has its first legal racetrack pitch.’ Tommy let out a rare smile as the people in front of him started cheering and clapping. Polly came forward to give him a hug, Arthur and John joined them, and Tommy handed over the paper to John, then shook hands with Arthur.

All of the hard work with Kimber and the Lee’s hand come down to getting that piece of paper, and it felt good to finally have it. He let his staff have time to celebrate, bottles of whiskey were corked and everyone drank to good fortune. Tommy poured a drink of rum for Rose, knowing that she wasn’t partial to whiskey, and went over to the kitchen.

‘Here you are.’ Tommy said, and they clinked their glasses together.

‘Congratulations.’ Rose smiled. She didn’t know why she had been invited to the house that day, but it all made sense eventually.

‘It was nice of you to invite me.’

‘You’re a part of Shelby Company Limited, and the pitch is a branch of the company.’ Tommy stated, not letting himself seem sentimental. Tommy let himself think about Kimber’s comment, but also his reply. It had felt good to say that Rose worked for him, like Rose had a purpose in his life, other than disturbing his thoughts when he least expected.

\-----

The effects of the day of celebrating hadn’t lasted for Rose, as she had to go back to the Garrison that afternoon to carry on with the accounts. With Tommy’s business becoming bigger, more went through the books, and everything had to be written down and double checked by her.

The Garrison had just been closed for the night, and Arthur was in the office with Rose. He was stood by the desk with the day’s takings in his hand. Rose didn’t want to tell him, but it was hard to concentrate when Arthur was counting out loud, and she had to restart her work a few times. Her concentration was thrown off again when Grace started talking from the main floor.

‘These cigarettes have a funny smell, Arthur.’ She said. Rose saw out of the corner of her eye that Grace came up to the door with a box.

‘They smell like rotting water. And look.’ Grace handed Arthur one of the cigarette cartons.

‘Rats have gotten at some of them. They’re stolen, are they not?’

‘Don’t ask.’ Arthur’s deep voice rumbled with a tense tone.

‘They smell because you keep them on a boat.’

‘What do you care?’ Arthur said. Rose wondered if they had forgotten that she was in the room, she had her head down to the book of accounts, but Arthur acknowledged her by tapping her on the shoulder and handing over a stack of notes for her to double check.

Since Rose was busy with the money, she didn’t see what Grace was doing. Arthur was stood with his hands in his pockets and leaning against the wall, and Grace was lingering.

‘You know, you should make a new start of this place. Do it properly. These cigarettes are not fit to sell.’

At the sound of Grace’s suggestion, Arthur picked up the carton of cigarettes he had placed on the desk and smelt them.

‘Smell like Gallipoli.’ Arthur remarked.

‘You should find a new place to store them.’

Rose stopped counting the money for a moment and picked up her pen. Again, it felt like the others had forgotten that she was in the room, and she listened in to what they were saying.

‘It has to be far away from coppers.’

‘But not rats?’ Grace joked.

‘All the wharfs have rats, Grace.’ Arthur was paying attention to Grace, whereas before he was palming her off. It seemed at the suggestion of boasting, Arthur was keen.

‘What’s wrong with a dry warehouse?’

‘Tommy’s orders.’

‘What orders?’

When Grace asked her question, Rose tried not to make it obvious that she had jolted. She didn’t understand why Grace was being so nosy, to ask such things from Arthur when both of them knew that it was none of their business. Rose was a bookkeeper and Grace was a barmaid, what she was asking was far beyond her jurisdiction.

‘Always keep contraband near to petrol boat moorings.’

‘Don’t boats get searched?’

Rose wanted to look at Grace badly, to see what kind of game she was playing, but it would’ve been too obvious to look round, so she kept her head down.

‘We moor them at junctions, so there’s more than one way out.’ Arthur felt smart at revealing this part of their operation, he liked being the one telling people what kind of tricks they got up to.

‘No locks within a mile so we can move that stuff fast.’

Grace let out a breath of a laugh. ‘Your brother doesn’t obey the law, but he has rules. A precise man, your brother.’

At the sound of Grace walking away, Rose finally looked up. Arthur got up from leaning against the wall as well, and looked down to Rose.

‘Is my adding up right?’ He asked.

‘Oh, yes.’ Rose said in a panic. She had only gone through half the money, but she was sure it wasn’t, since Arthur was never accurate when counting. She wasn’t going to tell him, though.

Arthur seemed pleased enough, and went out of the office, and, Rose presumed, behind the bar to get a drink.

Something didn’t sit right with Rose. There had never been a time before when Grace had been keen to find out about the sort of business Arthur and Tommy got up to. Rose assumed that the cigarettes were part of the Blinder’s doing, rather than the side of the business Rose had seen the other day when they had celebrated over the legal betting license. Rose knew that it wasn’t her place to ask questions, and after hearing what her parents were up to, she didn’t want to have the burden of knowing more information than she knew what to do with.

With what she heard from her parents, Rose knew that she had to keep her mouth shut. They were her family, even though they were using her to their ends somewhat, but ultimately, Rose wanted to keep them safe. Grace, on the other hand, was different. They had been nice to one another, Grace was good to work with, but Rose didn’t have any ties to her, and thought that her better judgement should be used in that moment.

As Rose left the Garrison, well before Arthur and Grace, she wondered what route to take home. She could’ve gone onto the main road, which led to her house, or the back roads, which led to Watery Lane. With the information still bothering her, Rose decided to take the long way home, stopping to see Tommy first.

The street was dead, it was gone eleven so everyone was tucked up in their beds and unaware of the figure standing on her own in the lane. Rose knocked at the door, and hoped that she wasn’t waking anyone up in doing so. She heard the latch go, and the door opened to a cosy front living room, Polly was on the other side.

‘Oh, hello love, come in.’

Rose stepped into the house, noting that it was much warmer than the temperature outside, but stood awkwardly, as she had hoped that Tommy would be the one to answer the door. Rose swallowed thickly, and tried not to look suspicious.

‘I was wondering if Tommy was around.’ Rose said. She knew that she was a bad liar, her face would usually give the game away before her words did, and that time was no different.

‘Is everything alright?’ Polly’s face had turned to one of concern, but Rose knew that it wasn’t Polly who needed to hear what was on her mind.

‘I need to talk to Tommy.’

‘In his office.’ Polly said, and took Rose through to the kitchen, then through the green doors. Once the doors were open, Rose could see that Tommy was working by lamplight, there was a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and even though it was late, he was still hard at work.

At the sound of the doors being opened, Tommy looked up. It was the last sight he thought he’d see that night, and was confused as to why Rose was visiting so late. He stood up and watched through the panes of glass as Rose made her way over to the open door, she took the liberty of closing it for privacy.

‘What can I do for you, Rose?’ Tommy gestured for her to take a seat in front of his desk. He had asked his question in a light tone, but at the sight of seeing Rose look worried, and that she didn’t answer his question straight away, concern set in for Tommy.

‘I don’t want to sound accusing.’ Rose started. It wasn’t the most innocent way to start a conversation, Tommy thought, but tried not to let on that he thought that it was strange. Rose bit her lip and couldn’t keep her eyes on Tommy, she looked down at the surface of his desk instead.

‘But, Arthur talks freely.’

Tommy remained silent, taking in Rose’s mannerisms. She was wringing her hands together, and her eye contact was poor. He kept his mouth shut until she had said her piece.

‘I was just at the Garrison for closing, going through the books with Arthur. He was talking about the cigarettes, and the lockups … because Grace was asking questions.’

The final words of Rose’s sentence had got Tommy’s attention. It was clear what she was implying, and Tommy took a long drag of his cigarette as he thought it over in his mind.

‘I don’t want to judge Arthur, nor am I accusing Grace of having malicious cause, but I thought you should know.’ Rose said honestly, her eyebrows were raised in worry, and Tommy’s silence was making her feel worse.

‘Thank you for telling me, Rose.’

‘I don’t want to sound like I’m going behind anyone’s back, Tommy, but I’m not silly.’ Tommy nodded his head in understanding, and he needed time to think. He stood up, and Rose stood up too, copying his movements.

‘Would you like me to walk you home?’ He asked. There was no more to be said to each other, and Tommy didn’t want to sound rude.

Rose shook her head, and the worry on her face lessened. ‘It’s alright, thank you.’

Rose knew when it was her leave, and turned to open the office door. The movement behind her made her turn back around.

‘I can see myself out.’

Tommy stopped and looked down at Rose, and to diffuse the tension, he offered a genuine smile. It did the trick, as he saw the corner of her lips turn up.

‘Good night, Rose.’

Tommy watched Rose walk away from him, and didn’t look away until she had disappeared behind the green doors. He put his hands on the back of his neck and sighed loudly, just when things were going to plan, a spanner had to be thrown in to make things just that little bit more difficult. He was surprised that Rose hadn’t second guessed her thought in coming to see him, she hadn’t even spent the night thinking about it, her instinct was quick, and that was something that worried him.

When Tommy turned back to sit at his desk, he heard the doors opening again, and with the sudden thought that it could’ve been Rose, he turned around. It was Polly instead, and she had a face that looked as if she was the cat that got the cream. Tommy lit another cigarette and prepared himself for what Polly had on her mind.

‘Shall we become accustomed to getting late night visitors?’ Polly leant against the doorframe with her arms crossed, and a smirk was on her lips. After hearing what Rose had said, Tommy wasn’t in the mood to play games with Polly, and she soon realised this when Tommy only stared at her. She said her goodnight’s and left Tommy to think, not bothering to ask what was on his mind.

Tommy had thought himself a good judge of character, but he remembered that it was Harry who had hired Grace, not him. Attention would’ve had to be brought forward, it wasn’t right that barmaids were asking questions, they were the ones who had to listen, not talk. But there was a part of Tommy that wanted to keep her around, to see if she would go ahead and trick Arthur into talking again.

Tommy wanted Grace to be like Rose, to not stick her nose in and to be honest when someone had asked too many questions. Tommy had to remind himself that there weren’t many like Rose.

\-----

Tommy was in his car when he found the person he had bene looking for. He wasn’t used to seeing Lizzie Stark out of her room, and in anything other than a silk slip.

‘Lizzie. Hello, Lizzie.’ Tommy slowed the car down to match Lizzie’s walking, she was keeping a pace even though she was carrying a basket.

Lizzie had turned back a few times, but she wasn’t acknowledging Tommy, he thought that she had sped up.

‘That bag looks heavy, jump in.’

‘Kids’ teas.’ Lizzie said, looking back.

‘You like kids?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Good. John’s got four of them.’

The look Lizzie gave him was what he wanted. It was his sick way of springing the information on her, to catch her out when she least expected it.

What Tommy had in mind for Lizzie was to prove that, despite what she said to John, she hadn’t really changed. Tommy knew that it wasn’t fair for John to not know he’d been using Lizzie since he came back from the war.

In truth, there was a deeper meaning to confront Lizzie. Tommy didn’t sleep with any other whores, he only used Lizzie. They had found a groove together, and Tommy trusted her, he didn’t want the affiliation to end because John needed a mother for his children. Tommy wanted Lizzie to fail the test he gave her, simply because he knew he still needed her. He never said it outright, however, Lizzie didn’t need to know his true reasoning, and when she took the money, Tommy let out a sigh.

The more time Tommy was spending around Rose, the less time was spent apart from Lizzie. Sometimes Tommy could go once a month, but lately, the period of time that he spent knocking on Lizzie’s door was lessening, and he needed her to let out his frustrations. It was unfortunate for John, but Tommy had a plan anyway, and he had his whore back for his use.

\-----

A few days later, Tommy finally found the time to talk to Grace. He had to be methodical about his approach, he still wanted her to work there, and he was hoping that if Grace was to slip up again, Rose would be the one to let him know.

When Tommy walked into the Garrison, he ignored the line of people at the bar and beckoned for Grace to join him in the back room. The ones waiting for their drinks didn’t argue, Tommy held a stern look on his face as a warning to those who might’ve said something they would’ve regretted.

‘Is everything alright, Thomas?’ Grace’s Irish lilt sounded so innocent, but Tommy knew better than to fall for it.

‘I want to know why you’ve been asking questions.’ Tommy said. The change in Grace’s face told everything Tommy needed to know, and he stared down at her as he waited for an answer.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Sorry?’

‘I was making something my business, when it shouldn’t have been. I am the one who unloads the crates of cigarettes, so …’

Grace trailed off when Tommy started shaking his head slowly.

‘You’re the one who unloads the cigarettes, because it’s part of your job. Is your job to ask questions?’ Tommy asked.

Grace whispered a ‘no’, and tilted her head down in shame. It wasn’t nice to be told off, not when she was a grown adult and Tommy was treating her like a child. She wasn’t, however, going to argue back, but only seem curious.

‘Who was worried about me asking questions, anyway?’ Grace took a chance with her question, and got the response she expected.

Tommy had turned and started heading out of the back room. ‘Never you mind.’

Tommy didn’t get to see Grace’s face, but didn’t care. He knew he’d done enough to warrant her silence from then on, and headed to the office to talk with Rose. He didn’t bother knocking on the door to signal that he was there, he had other places to go that day.

It was out of her jurisdiction, but Tommy wanted Rose to go and find Ada. There was no way that his sister would want to see him, so he thought that Rose might be the lead he needed to get her to come to John’s wedding, the one that John didn’t even know about yet. Rose didn’t ask question when he gave her the information, and if he wasn’t in such a bad mood, he would’ve thanked her for it.

Not only was Tommy in a bad mood, but a rush as well, he didn’t linger about in the office to chat idly with her. Rose thought it wise to do as she was told rather than tell him that it wasn’t her business to get involved with his family matters. She put the invitation in her bag straight away, and heard the door open again. She hoped it wasn’t Tommy, coming back to bite her head off for whatever reason.

‘Was Tommy alright?’

Grace was quiet, and she was looking sorry for herself. Rose wondered if Tommy had confronted her about what she had said the other night, and thought it best to not let on that it was her who had snitched on her.

‘He’s a typical man with bad moods. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t think he’d be the one to tell us, either.’ Rose tried to act normal to Grace, as far as she knew, Grace could’ve thought that it was Arthur that told Tommy about her questioning.

Grace gave a half-hearted smile in an attempt to cheer herself up.

‘Did you want a drink?’ She asked, trying to be kind.

‘I can get it, thank you Grace.’ As silly as it sounded in her head, Rose didn’t want Grace tampering with any of her drinks in case she was suspect number one in her eyes. Rose knew that she had to carry on being polite, and to not draw suspicion to herself, but she didn’t want to act like Tommy’s messenger. In a moment alone, Rose hated that she was the one finding herself in awkward positions, knowing too much for her own good.


	5. Part One | Posey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

With the invitation burning a hole in her bag, Rose made her way to Montague Street with a purpose. Tuesday was the women’s only day, and she had skipped work to follow Tommy’s orders. Tommy hadn’t given a time to when Ada may have been at the bathhouse, so Rose had to take a guess. She had headed off early, thinking that, since it opened at eight, most would want to get there early so they were clean for the day.

When Rose arrived, she did her best to make herself look innocuous, like she was just a part of the custom turning up that day. She didn’t want to go into the bathhouse itself, so settled herself in the small lobby. She had purchased a paper to read to make it look like she was waiting, and she was able to hide herself with it. Over the top of the paper, Rose kept her eyes peeled for any tall women that passed her, ones with brunette bobs, but that turned out to be half of Small Heath.

Just when she thought she’d be asked to leave by the staff, who had been keeping an eye on her sat on the bench, the person in question came out of the connecting door, and walked slowly across the lobby.

‘Ada!’ Rose whispered harshly, she had paced up to her side, but didn’t want to pull on her arm. Rose was relieved that she had found Ada, she had started to think that she’d be sat on the bench for the rest of the day.

Ada turned and when she caught eyes on who had stopped her, she looked shocked. ‘Jesus Christ, are you following me?’

‘I’m sorry Ada, but since you’re hiding … Tommy has something for you.’

Ada rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, not happy that Tommy’s name had been mentioned.

‘So, you’re working for him now.’ Ada scoffed. Rose bristled, not liking the tone Ada was taking.

‘I’m an accountant and secretary, but you won’t speak to him.’ Rose said, enunciating her point that it wasn’t her job to pass messages along whenever Tommy wanted.

‘Just let me rest a minute, will you?’ Ada asked, but the question was rhetorical, and Rose watched as Ada walked over to the bench she had just been sitting on. She held onto her swollen tummy as she sat down, and sighed heavily when she was settled. Rose walked over at sat with her, and she couldn’t help but flick her eyes down to her bump, not out of rudeness, but out of curiosity.

Rose didn’t do a good job at hiding her longing looks, and Ada nonchalantly rubbed her hand over her tummy.

‘Getting big now. The women here don’t avoid me because I’m a Shelby, it’s because I’m the size of a house.’ Ada joked. Rose smiled back, and couldn’t help but watch Ada’s hand stroking at her bump gently.

‘What do you hope for?’ Rose asked.

‘As long as it’s healthy, I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl.’ Ada shrugged, then looked Rose up and down, taking in the way her gaze looked distant.

‘You interested in babies?’

Rose looked up quick, then to the floor. ‘I suppose so, I am a woman.’

‘Ever delivered one?’

At the question, Rose made eye contact again, her eyes a little brighter that time. ‘I have actually.’

‘I’ve never been in that kind of situation, but funnily enough, it’s not the main thing scaring me right now.’ It was Ada’s turn to look away, her worried thoughts clouded her mind once again.

‘When your time comes, you’ll know what to do.’

Ada raised her eyebrows, and look at Rose impressively. ‘God, you sound like an expert.’

Rose gave Ada a smile, and was about to say that she was nowhere near anything like an expert, but Ada spoke up.

‘I want you there at the birth then, to hold my hand and tell me those kind of things.’

Rose’s eyes widened, and looked at Ada with uncertainty, not knowing whether to trust her or not. ‘Really?’

Ada breathed a laugh out of her nose and nodded her head gently. ‘Yeah, I need experts to look after me. Plus, you’re working for Tommy. If you can be his messenger, you can be my midwife, I’m still a Shelby, technically.’

Rose gave Ada a fleeting smile, then looked down to her bag, which was placed on her lap. She popped open the button and took out the letter inside.

‘I have this.’

Ada took it from Rose’s grip and tore it open. Rose didn’t know whether to leave, but thought to wait until she had seen Ada read the entirety of it, so she could go back to Tommy to tell him the job had been completed fully. Once Ada had read the letter, she put it back into the envelope.

‘Christ.’ She whispered.

‘Is everything alright?’

Ada sighed, then looked to Rose. ‘Everything’s fine, I may actually thank him for this one.’

Rose gave a nod, but wasn’t sure what she meant. The silence between them became awkward, but Ada had been missing someone to talk to, and with Rose right next to her, she didn’t give up the chance to speak her thoughts.

‘Freddie’s not talking to me, just when I need him most.’

From the way they had met each other as Ada was walking out, Rose didn’t think that she’d be in the mood to have a heart to heart. The troubled look on Ada’s face resonated with Rose, however, and she put a hand out to hold hers in comfort. Ada gave her hand a squeeze, giving encouragement to one another.

‘When you have children, make sure it’s with a man who won’t mess you around, or think other things are more important. I can’t imagine him not being there to greet his new child. Our baby.’

Ada looked away again, and it was a good job that she did, as Rose’s jaw dropped and it felt as if her heart stopped beating. Every part of Rose’s body went numb, she could no longer feel Ada’s hand touching hers. She didn’t feel it happening, but her hand recoiled back to her body, which caught Ada’s attention.

‘I have to go to work.’ Rose’s voice wavered, and she felt dizzy when she stood up from the bench. Without seeing if Ada was looking after her, Rose walked out of the bathhouse quickly’ Ada could’ve been shouting at her but Rose wouldn’t have heard. Her steps were mechanical as she made her way to the Garrison, her thoughts were muddled, and didn’t think about using a bus to get there. A lump was rising in her throat, she thought she might choke at the feeling, but managed to hold herself together. Ada’s words had sparked something inside of her, something that she had managed to keep hidden for so long.

\-----

Ada’s words had stuck in Rose’s mind for the next week, and there was nothing she could do to shake them. She thought about them when she walked to work in the morning, when she was writing in the accounts book, thinking about numbers wasn’t enough to deter her. Then she thought about them when eating dinner with her parents, they had no idea of the thoughts that plagued her mind.

It was worse when she was in bed, alone with Ada’s voice in her mind. Soon enough, Rose had to deal with her thoughts. Unfortunately, she had dealt with them at work, as the overwhelming feeling that had begun choking her since the day in the bathhouse finally caught up with her. She sat on her own, leant back in her chair and she let the tears fall. She hoped that Grace wouldn’t come in and start asking questions, there was no way of explaining her mind to Grace. She got a tissue out of her bag and started to wipe her tears away, but the more she made her skin raw with the tissue, the more tears fell.

Rose sniffed in and let out a breath, and jumped in her seat when the door knob turned. She gave a quick look who had opened it, then looked back to the desk in embarrassment.

‘Ah shit, what’s happened?’ Arthur asked. It was the last sight he thought he’d see, and immediately felt bad that he had walked in unannounced.

‘Nothing.’ Rose said, but she didn’t even believe it herself. It was awkward to have Arthur in the room, he wasn’t showing signs of leaving, and instead, stepped over to her and put a hand on the back of the chair.

‘Look, I’m not good with women’s talk, but if there’s someone you want beating up, I can go do that.’

Rose let out a laugh of relief. It wasn’t the comment she was expecting, but she appreciated how Arthur thought to deal with things that upset her.

‘No one’s done anything.’ Her word with thick with tears and phlegm, and wished that Arthur didn’t have to see her like that.

‘Do you want me to get Grace?’ Arthur asked.

‘No.’ Rose couldn’t fault Arthur for trying, but it really wasn’t the time. He seemed to have got the message, but then, in that moment, Rose couldn’t help herself.

‘It’s just, sometimes I’m sad, and there’s nothing that can be done about it.’

‘I understand that one, Rose.’

\-----

The afternoon when Rose had cried came and went, it was just what she needed, and then there were no tears left to cry. Her conversation with Ada at the bathhouse was unexpected, Rose didn’t expect to be pulled back to a memory that Tuesday morning, but eventually, she was focusing on the now, no more wallowing in the past.

The next time that Arthur was in the Garrison, he had knocked on the door to the back office. He didn’t want a repeat of walking in on a woman in tears. When they had spoken, neither of them had acknowledged that Rose had cried, they pretended that it hadn’t happened and carried on being professional with one another. Rose was slightly embarrassed, but she didn’t want that to affect her job at the Garrison.

It was late, the Garrison had just closed, and Rose was getting ready to go home. She had taken to staying late at work, there wasn’t much of a reason to go home and be with her parents, so she tried to get the extra hours in whenever possible. A shipment of cigarettes had to be taken in, and Rose had offered to help.

There was a banging at the door, which prompted Rose and Grace to look at one another, both not knowing who it could’ve been. Arthur appeared from the back room to strode over open the front door. When Arthur had stepped aside, it was Polly who walked through.

‘Hello ladies.’ Polly said. Arthur was standing sheepishly at the door still, not looking anyone in the eye.

‘I’m sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering, Rose, if you’d come back to the house with me?’

Rose’s eyebrows raised in realisation that Polly was there for her, and looked to both Grace and Arthur. Before she could respond, Arthur spoke up.

‘Grace and I can sort of the crates, Rose, you can go.’

Rose looked from Arthur, then to Polly. She didn’t think saying no would’ve been a good idea, Polly had her ways of persuasion, so grabbed her things and headed out on Arthur’s orders. She gave one last look to Arthur, and thought she saw a guilty look on his face, but didn’t understand what it meant.

‘Don’t look so worried, you’re not in trouble.’ Polly said as they walked side by side. Rose didn’t think to ask any questions, and didn’t think that she had done something wrong, but there was a funny feeling in her stomach. Polly said no more until they were in the house at Watery Lane, and like usual, Polly made tea for them both.

Once they were sat in their seats, Rose waited for Polly to speak, secretly crossing her fingers that she wasn’t going to be told off.

‘Now, you can refuse to talk and storm out of the house if you wish, but I had Arthur in here the other evening, troubled by the sight of his accountant in tears.’

The breath caught in Rose’s throat, and she lowered her head. She hadn’t thought about the instance of Arthur not keeping his mouth shut, and she was embarrassed once again.

‘Arthur doesn’t get affected by much, but you said something to him that has me worried.’ Polly held her stare to Rose even though she was no longer looking up.

‘I want you to know that you have a pair of ears solely for your troubles, Rose.’

The feelings that Rose had thought had been tucked away were now stinging her eyes, tears didn’t take long to form and start flowing down her cheeks. It was an action she couldn’t help, just at the mention of her worries had her break down.

‘I said I was sad, and I still am.’ Rose kept her head lowered, and used the sleeve of her coat to wipe at her cheeks. Polly stayed quiet, knowing that silence and time were needed for Rose to have the courage to speak. Finally, Rose looked up, her face and neck felt hot, but she knew it was time to say what was on her mind.

‘I have a secret, Polly.’

Polly didn’t change her expression, her gaze remained soft and she kept her mouth shut.

‘I had a baby, when I lived at my great aunts.’ Rose breathed out, and then sniffed in. ‘She died at eight weeks.’

Polly’s heart clenched, of all the things that Rose could’ve told her, and of all the secrets to keep. She put the teacup back on its saucer and moved her chair around the table. Polly put her hands in Rose, and the tears flowed once more.

‘Only my great aunt knew about her, and coming back here, it’s like she never even existed.’

‘Oh, Rose.’ Polly took a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed gently at Rose’s cheeks. Rose closed her eyes and enjoyed the touch, it was a motherly action, something she didn’t receive very often. Rose eventually stopped crying, there weren’t many tears left from the last time she’d cried, but her eyes felt puffy and head heavy. When Rose had cleared her throat, she looked up to Polly.

‘I went to see Ada at the bathhouse, and she’s glowing. She talked about how Freddie wasn’t there, and she’s worried that he won’t be around to greet his new baby.’

Polly almost cussed out loud, there were too many words to describe Freddie Thorne, but she bit her tongue, it wasn’t the right time to start talking about Freddie and his unforgiving ways.

‘What happened to the father, Rose?’

‘He was on leave, during the war. He went back, and never came home.’

‘He died?’ Polly asked.

‘No, M.I.A.’

Polly thought that it was worse than death, to not know about someone’s existence, to be lost in a different country forever, the thought made Polly feel sick.

‘We didn’t know each other that well, he was to go back and we just … lived in the moment.’ Rose confessed. Polly nodded her head, she was never going to shame Rose for living her life, but Rose started weeping again. Polly gave her hand a squeeze, to remind her that she was still there.

‘I wonder if it caused her death, because we didn’t love each other. She wasn’t born whole.’

‘Now listen here,’ Polly started, looking at Rose with determination, ‘don’t ever doubt your love for your baby. There’s nothing stronger on this earth than a mother’s love for her baby.’

Polly was finding herself on the brink of tears, and in the moment, she brought her arms around Rose and held her close. The two women needed the comfort, they had each other to make themselves stronger.

Rose’s tears soon stopped, and Polly gave her a reassuring smile.

‘What was her name?’

‘Josephine,’ Rose smiled, a glazed look came over her face as she remembered, ‘but I called her Posey.’

‘That’s a beautiful name.’

‘She was beautiful.’

‘And your parents don’t know?’

A serious look passed over Rose’s face, the happy memory was gone in an instant. ‘They’d throw me out Polly, they can never know.’

Talking with Polly was the tonic Rose had needed. It had been months since she had moved to Small Heath, and she had felt that the memory of Posey was fading away. There was nothing left in her memory, she had thrown all of her clothes away in grief, her great aunt had tried to stop her, but Rose, in her frenzied mind, didn’t want anything that made her remember. Just weeks after her death, Rose came to regret that decision, she had wanted her blanket to touch, her knitted booties to hold to her chest, but there was nothing left. All Rose had was her words, and to finally say her name and tell someone of her existence made her feel lighter, comforted in knowing that Posey was with her, and always would be.

\-----

Thoughts of Posey were hard to keep at bay, but they didn’t elicit tears anymore. There was no chance of Arthur catching her weeping in the back room again, she worked her shifts and completed all tasks, but kept the thought of Posey on her mind to see her through. It had felt good to say her name, even better to think of her pet name, sometimes it caught her out and gave her a smile, a smile that no one knew the reason of.

Rose’s mood had changed for the better, and despite having snitched on her before, Rose was patient and kind to Grace. They started their short conversations again, finding time throughout the work day to talk about whatever they had on their minds. Everything seemed to be going so well, it was just the time spent at home that bothered Rose.

It was late evening at the Garrison, and Rose had found extra work to keep her occupied. The sound of her scribbling in the book wasn’t enough to drown out the rowdy noises out from the main floor, so Rose decided to take a look for herself.

Rose knew that Tommy had organised the wedding that day, she had written it in the diary herself, but she was surprised to see him in the pub with John and Arthur, they piled into the snug and were laughing and shouting. Rose went over to see what the commotion was, and stood by the open door.

‘How was the wedding?’ She asked, catching sight of Arthur and John in a fit of laughter.

‘A spectacular affair.’ Arthur stated. ‘Signed off with bloody Ada going into labour.’

Rose dropped her smile and stared back at Arthur. ‘She’s in labour?’

‘Yeah, at the house, you should stay here with us, you don’t want to be there.’ Arthur said, gesturing for Rose to take a seat.

‘I promised Ada I’d be there for her, I should go.’

Rose watched Arthur raise his eyebrows, then he nodded his head. ‘Hang on, have a drink first.’

He pointed to Grace, who was walking in with a bucket of beer and a bottle of rum. Rose helped herself to a tot of rum, silently agreeing with Arthur that she may have needed it.

‘I should go. It’s my wedding night.’ John said, and tried to get up from the booth. It was Arthur that held him down.

‘No, you sit down. You don’t want to be among the women when there’s a baby coming. Have another.’ Arthur took a cup of foaming beer and placed it in front of him.

‘So, do you think her husband will take the same advice and stay away?’ Grace said, filling up another cup of beer. Rose placed her glass down slowly on the table, and listened in.

‘Nah. Freddie will be there.’ John slurred. ‘Nothing will keep him away. Tommy said it’s alright for him to be there. Isn’t that right, Tommy?’

Rose looked to her left to see Tommy standing by the threshold of the door, with a smirk on his face.

‘That’s right. I’m all heart tonight.’ Tommy looked to Rose and nodded his head, and Rose took that as her cue to leave. She didn’t notice the lingering stare that Tommy gave her as she left the Garrison, nor the comment that Arthur made, saying that it was the accountant who had made Tommy go soft.

As Rose paced to Watery Lane, she realised that she had forgotten her coat, she had left in a hurry so it had slipped her mind. Her tucked her hands under her arms to keep them warm, and hurriedly knock on the front door to be let in.

A women Rose had never met opened the door, and there was screaming that could be heard from the kitchen.

‘Who are you?’ She asked, looking Rose up and down. ‘This isn’t the time for visitors.’

‘I’m Rose, I’m here to help Ada.’

‘Esme, let her in!’ Polly shouted from the back room, and Esme opened the door wider for Rose to walk in. They both joined the others in the kitchen, and Rose went straight to Ada.

‘Rose, this is Esme, John’s new wife. Esme, this is Rose, the company accountant.’ Polly introduced. Both Rose and Esme gave smiles to one another, then went about attending Ada. ‘Always chaos in this house, what better way to meet one another.’

Rose took hold of Ada’s hand as she knelt over a chair. Polly and Esme were giving words of encouragement and instructions, they were behind Ada holding towels, ready for the baby.

‘You’re doing so well, Ada.’ Rose smiled, one hand rubbing Ada’s back gently, and the other hand was being squeezed to a pulp. Rose didn’t complain, but she didn’t hide the pain on her face. ‘Really well, Ada, you’re doing really well.’

The screams eliciting from Ada’s mouth were soon replaced with the cries from the baby, he had a set of lungs on him like his mother. Rose watched as Ada’s face lit up, and she turned to see her baby.

‘It’s a boy, Ada.’ Polly smiled, faint tears were in her eyes, and she gave Ada a kiss on her forehead. Instead of lingering, Rose help Esme take the dirty towels from the floor and place them in the sink. Esme went back to wait for the afterbirth, and Rose watched from across the kitchen.

The fire was lit, and was glowing upon the scene. Ada had her baby in her arms, his cries had turned to mewling, and Rose lost her breath at the sound. Polly was using the back on her knuckles to stroke the baby’s head, Rose’s hand clenched when she remembered how that felt.

Soon, Ada was sat happy on a chair by the fire, baby boy in her arms. Rose had kept herself away, focusing on the dirty towels, then helping Polly make tea. She could tell that Polly was glancing her way at times, but Rose kept her head down. It would’ve been selfish to make the moment about her.

When the tea was ready, Polly did the honours and brought Ada a cup. ‘There you go, love.’ She placed the cup down on the table, and knelt in front of her.

‘Aw, he’s beautiful.’

Rose couldn’t help but agree, she was leant against the back wall, still watching. There were times when she felt her face go hot, and throat go dry, but she forced herself to not cry. The front door opening was enough to pull her from those thoughts.

Freddie rushed in, and stopped short in the threshold, the look on his face was too good to miss, and Rose felt herself smile at the sight.

‘It’s a boy, Freddie.’ Ada said softly.

Rose finally caught the eye of Polly, who had got up from in front of Ada, and was walking to join her by the wall.

‘Are you alright, love?’ Polly whispered. Rose couldn’t say anything, so just nodded in response. Polly gave her a kind look, and squeezed her hand quickly, no one had to see the moment, it was just between those two.

Freddie had only held onto his son for a couple of seconds, that moment was ripped from him at the appearance of the police. Rose could only stand and watch as Freddie was thrown against the door by the policemen, the baby started crying again, and Ada was in fits herself.

After Polly had did her best to comfort Ada, she had left the house promptly. Esme and Rose were left to calm Ada down, to talk softly and assure her that everything would be alright. It was draining to make promises like that, and the three of them weren’t convinced by the words.

When Ada had stopped crying, she had stared into the face of her baby to make herself feel better, but Rose only stole glances of him. She didn’t want to admit that she was jealous of her, the father of Rose’s child never got those seconds Freddie had had. Rose wanted to explain that even though Freddie had been taken, there was nothing to worry about, and that having her baby in her arms would’ve been enough, but Rose’s mouth was kept shut, like it had been for almost four years.


	6. Part One | Friend and Foe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

Everyone thought it was Tommy’s fault, everyone had gone on to ignore him, to a certain degree. Tommy had taken it all in his stride, however, no one taking time out of his day to talk, and that meant Tommy became a man of few words. Everyone just talked about business, in short, quick questions or answers, and Tommy was left to go about his day.

It was a shame that Ada had to hide herself away, it wasn’t right that a new mother wasn’t around family. Rose hadn’t wanted to get involved at first, she didn’t want to be sent by Tommy on another round of orders, but Polly had approached her. She made her case to Rose, and Rose could see the desperation in Polly’s eyes.

Rose was to go and see Ada that evening after work, and instead of focusing on the numbers in front of her, scenarios kept flowing through her mind in what she was going to say to her. Luckily, she didn’t have to be alone with her thoughts for long, as a knock came at the door to the back office.

‘Hello, Rose?’ Grace’s head peeked around the door, and Rose looked over.

‘Yes, Grace?’

‘I thought that you might want to go for lunch, to get out of the pub.’

Rose raised her eyebrows in surprise. ‘Oh, yes, I suppose we could.’

‘Not if you don’t want to, if you’re busy -’

‘No, Grace, I’d like to go, I’d be nice for a change of scenery.’

‘We’ll get out of Small Heath, then. I think there’s a nice place in Bordesley.’

It wasn’t the company that Rose would’ve expected to get along with, she and Grace only shared small talk with one another, and that all took place at work. They took the bus together and did what they did best, make idle talk about the things they saw, or something that had appeared in the news. Rose didn’t know how a sit-down conversation would take place, or if things would flow naturally.

The tea room was small, they had just opened for the day, so Rose and Grace were able to get a table. Once they had ordered their food, the anticipation of a difficult conversation declined, Rose knew that Grace would be easy to talk to.

‘I hope Arthur won’t mind us going out.’ Rose said.

‘I’m sure he won’t mind, two against one after all.’

‘God help him.’ Rose smiled. Grace breathed out a laugh, and poured tea for them both.

Rose couldn’t help but feel a slight awkwardness, she sat with her hands in her lap, mostly because she didn’t know what to do with them. She saw how Grace sat easily, her elbows were resting on the table, her shoulders were relaxed and she didn’t seem to mind the pauses between them talking.

‘How’s Ada’s baby?’ Grace asked. Rose had forgot for a moment that Grace would’ve been partial to that information. It was likely that Arthur or John had spilled about Ada being locked away in her flat, refusing to see Tommy. She got rid of the silly expression on her face she had for a short second.

‘We only saw the baby that night, Ada’s gone back to the flat and hasn’t been seen since.’ Rose replied. Grace shook her head and took a sip from her teacup.

‘With a new baby as well, it’s not good.’

Rose shook her head as well, and relaxed more in her seat. ‘Polly’s been going over, they’ve asked me to go over tonight.’

‘Will she talk, do you think?’

Rose sighed. ‘I hope so. A new baby needs all the care it can get, as well as the mother needing support.’ Rose didn’t take a second to think about what she was going to say next, she just talked in the moment.

‘But Ada knows I work for Tommy, so we’ll see.’

Since Rose’s eyes were lowered to her teacup, she didn’t notice the way Grace rose in her seat a little, and eyes flicked rapidly from her to the table.

‘She doesn’t like that you work for Tommy?’ Grace tried using her soft voice, letting her Irish lilt make her words seem less intrusive. Rose fell for it, like Grace had hoped.

‘I think it’s a question of trust … and allegiance, as silly as that sounds.’

‘She thinks you have an allegiance to Tommy?’

Rose looked up to make eye contact, and Grace relaxed her stern face. She had Rose where she wanted her, but didn’t want to give herself away by looking too desperate.

‘I suppose so, and Tommy was the one who let Freddie get arrested. It’s all relative.’

The information that Rose was letting on was making Grace’s palms go sweaty, she was almost compromising her position by asking so many forward questions, especially to Rose. It still wasn’t clear who had told on her previously. Grace thought that it could’ve been Arthur, he had talked so freely about the lock-ups, he could’ve talked freely to Tommy about her. But there was something in Grace’s mind that wondered if Rose had been the one, and if Ada was right about a supposed allegiance between her and Tommy.

‘It was a shame what happened to Freddie. A father should be with his child.’

The comment was meant to diffuse the tension between them both, and to end the subject matter, but Rose gave Grace a questionable look. It was questionable in the sense that Grace couldn’t read what it meant. Rose’s eyes went distant, she looked away from Grace and seemed to be lost in thought.

‘Don’t you agree?’

Grace pulled Rose out of her daydream, and Rose seemed embarrassed that she had been caught.

‘Yes, of course.’

Their food soon arrived, and the chance to delve deeper into Rose’s odd behaviour disappeared. Grace watched Rose eat her lunch quietly, neither of them wanted to talk while eating since it was rude. Grace was acting tactful when she offered to pay for the meal, her behaviour was still going through her mind, and wondered if the favour would put her in a different light. Grace wanted to know more, but had to be discreet about it.

Rose wasn’t inane enough to realise that she had slipped up. First, she had been drawn into her own thoughts at the comment Grace had made about fathers being there for their children. She had been pulled back suddenly, back to the events that she had tried to hide for almost four years. The father of Rose’s child wasn’t there, but Rose couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if he had been there. Then there was her urgency in answering Grace’s question. Having been caught in a trance, Rose had almost snapped at Grace. The look that Grace had given her was obvious enough, and she felt stupid.

When they got back to the Garrison, they were lucky enough to find that Arthur hadn’t arrived for the day yet, but instead of joking about it, Rose headed straight for the back office. She shut the door and leaned back against it, then let out a big sigh. Rose wanted to stay in the room for the rest of the day, the idea of having to have another conversation with Grace didn’t settle well in her stomach.

The only time that Rose left the back office that day was when she had completed her shift. It had just gone seven, Rose thought that Grace must’ve read her mind in wanting to be alone, she hadn’t even come in to offer a drink. When Rose crossed the floor to leave the pub, she gave Grace a quick glance, then a smile, and left promptly. Rose had gotten Ada’s address off Polly, it was on a slip of paper tucked in her bag. It was easy enough to find, the hard part was to try and open the door. A basket of food was just by the flight of stairs, and Rose knew she had the right place.

‘Ada!?’ Rose said, knocking softly on the door. When there was no response, she tried again.

‘Ada? It’s Rose.’

‘You’re doing Polly’s bidding now? Moved from Tommy to her, they are lucky to have you.’ Ada talked back in a sarcastic tone, and Rose knew she had lost already. When standing at the door for another couple of moments, it came to Rose’s attention that the basket of food by her feet had a funny smell, and she wondered how long it had been sat there.

‘Ada, please, let’s just talk to one another.’

‘Nothing to say to you, nor Polly, nor my bloody brother. Just go away!’

Rose thought to not bother Ada anymore, it was clear that no tracks were being made. She left the dimly lit staircase and headed back out to the street. Her stomach was rumbling, she didn’t realise she was hungry until the foul smell of the basket had disappeared. Rose thought to head home and have what her mother had made for dinner, but instead found herself walking towards Watery Lane. Polly would’ve wanted to know if she was successful in opening Ada’s door, and Rose didn’t think to wait until the morning to tell her.

Polly had invited Rose into the kitchen, and had offered to make tea, but Rose knew not to stay long. It was unfortunate that she had only bad news to share, but Polly thanked her in trying. She went on to say that she had been trying for days to get to Ada, but Rose was distracted by someone else.

The green doors were open, and Rose could plainly see Tommy sat in his office, reading the paper by lamplight. Rose had only stolen a glance at first, she had returned her gaze to nod and smile at Polly’s words, but then she found herself shifting her gaze back to him. After the third time she had looked over, Rose jumped out of her skin at seeing Tommy staring back.

Polly was still talking, unaware that Rose wasn’t listening anymore. No matter how many times Rose had looked away, Tommy didn’t shift his gaze from her.

‘Are you alright to walk home, love?’ Polly’s voice made Rose’s head turn, she finally made eye contact, and she shook her head.

‘I’ll be fine, thank you.’

Rose gave Polly a smile and began to turn to take her leave, but gave into herself. Just before she had turned her back on the green doors, she stole another look Tommy’s way, and just like before, had caught his eyesight. Rose couldn’t read his expression, Tommy never gave anything away, so she didn’t bother giving him a polite smile.

It wasn’t from the cold, night air that made chills run up Rose’s spine, it was from the intensity of Tommy’s gaze. The dim lighting of his office made him seem almost menacing, like his thoughts were on a different level to hers, and she’d never truly understand how his mind worked. Rose tried to keep her mind straight as she walked home, but whatever she tried to fill her mind with wasn’t distracting enough. Everything always went back to Tommy’s piercing blue eyes, staring her way.

\-----

A few days had passed where Rose had gone without seeing Tommy. He hadn’t come into the Garrison, and if he had, he didn’t make his way to the back office. Rose didn’t pass him on the street, and when she had gone to Watery Lane to have tea with Polly, the green doors were closed. It wasn’t as if Rose was trying to seek him out, the memory of his gaze was strong, and she didn’t need to see him to reignite what she had felt. It seemed that whenever Rose closed her eyes, Tommy would appear, even when she tried her hardest to think of something else.

Grace had fallen back into her rhythm of knocking at the door to the office and offering Rose a drink. Rose had refused the first several times, not wanting to put Grace out of her way, but then she finally learned to stop worrying. When they did speak to one another, neither of them brought up the lunch they had shared a few days before. Rose wasn’t fully relaxed around Grace, but she was getting close to it.

When there was a brief knock at the door, Rose thought it was Grace, who had just offered to bring her tea. Rose looked over, but saw Tommy, standing silently in the threshold.

‘Oh, hello.’ Rose said. Tommy began to close the gap between them as he came up to the desk. ‘Grace’s is bringing tea; do you want any?’

Tommy shook his head, it was barely a motion but Rose saw it. He kept quiet as he made his way towards the desk, hands in his coat pocket, and eyes onto the open books splayed out.

‘The new system.’ He said, looking down to the open pages of the diary. Rose followed his gaze, then looked back up to him.

‘Everything in the diary, eh?’

Rose nodded her head slowly, and saw that Tommy was reaching into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a pen and drew a black star. Rose furrowed her brows and looked back up to Tommy.

‘What’s the black star for?’

‘The black star day is the day we take out Billy Kimber and his men.’

Rose tried not to hide her shock at the information, she had never been partial to Tommy’s doings before.

‘No one knows this.’

Once again, Rose was caught short by Tommy’s words. It was unlike Tommy to not inform someone else of the Blinder’s actions.

‘Not even Arthur? Or John?’

Tommy scoffed, a harsh breath leaving his nose. ‘No. Everyone hates me.’

It was clear what Tommy was referring to. Rose looked back down to the desk, she couldn’t think of any words of encouragement for Tommy, he wasn’t under any illusions in how his family were treating him.

A knock at the door cut between the silence, both Rose and Tommy looked up to see Grace entering with a teacup and saucer in hand. Unknown to Rose, as she was seeing to Grace, Tommy was making harsh and unyielded eye contact with the back of Grace’s head. Nothing could’ve torn his gaze from her, not even when she looked up to him to acknowledge his presence.

Grace gave a forced smile to Tommy, and then left promptly. The silence in the room had become awkward, and since Tommy knew that it was down to him, he thought it best to leave. He had just opened the door, but Rose had called out to him.

‘Tommy?’

With one hand on the door, Tommy looked back.

‘I went to see Ada the other night, Polly wanted to see if I could help.’

‘And did you help?’

Tommy blinked slowly, and watched as Rose shook her head, thinking that she looked a little bit upset at having to admit her failure.

‘Can’t save everyone, Rose.’

Rose hitched a breath, and watched with wide eyes as Tommy left, shutting the door behind him.

Whether Tommy knew it or not, the comment he made hit close to home for Rose. If he had thought for a moment before speaking, he would’ve realised how cruel he sounded. Tommy was not only referencing Ada, but Ms Harding as well, and he said it to somehow make himself feel better, proving that Rose’s ability to be a hero wasn’t as great as they both thought out to be.

Rose couldn’t shake the wounded feeling that Tommy had put on her, and found that she couldn’t focus back on the work. Just through a few words, Tommy had affected her, and her heart felt heavy.

Instead of wallowing in the office, Rose decided that she’d go home, and be in a place where there was no influence from Tommy. She hadn’t missed a shift since she had started, and most of the work had been inputted already. Rose gathered her coat and bag in silence, still feeling low, and headed out onto the main floor.

She caught Grace’s eye, and went up to the bar to explain herself.

‘I’m going to go, Grace, not feeling too well.’ Rose lied to a degree, she wasn’t physically sick, but felt funny on the inside.

‘I’ve left some work out, but …’

‘If I get a free moment, I’ll finish the rest if you like?’ Grace offered. Rose took in the sincere smile Grace gave her, and nodded her head.

‘Alright, thank you, Grace.’

‘Feel better.’ Grace called out after Rose when she had turned, she didn’t hang around any longer in the Garrison.

A few times on the way home, Rose thought about turning around and going back to work. It was stupid to be so affected by what Tommy had said, it was likely that he wasn’t going to go back to the pub for the rest of the working day, so she should’ve been safe. Rose would then argue with herself, been safe from what? Safe from Tommy making snide comments about her character, when Tommy must’ve done a thousand things worse than trying to help someone.

It made Rose angry to think that Tommy was trying to belittle her, to make her actions seem pointless. It was his sister she had seen, not someone unknown to him, Rose wondered if it was because she was getting involved with his family, that being the issue he had. But then he had acted strange before when talking about Ms Harding, saying that she had ‘broken the spell’, and calling her selfless for helping. There was no continuity in the way Tommy acted.

Rose had realised that with every step on the way home had been taken with the thought of Tommy in her mind. He had filled her thoughts, and not in the best way, Rose thought that spending the afternoon to herself may put a stop to that.

When she had got home, she went into the office quickly to tell her parents she was back. Mary started to ask questions, so Rose excused herself and hurried upstairs. It wasn’t a luxury that Rose was afforded often, but she got back into bed. The afternoon had only begun, but Rose had spent it tucked up in her blankets; the light of the day was peeking through the split in her curtains, but that didn’t bother her.

At first Rose read a bit, since there weren’t many times in her normal day in which she could settle with a book. She got through the first few pages well enough, but then found her eyes drooping and her concentration lapsed, so she took a nap. The nap, which Rose had thought would only last a half hour, ended up being for three. Rose panicked when she woke, not knowing what the time was, or why the sun was up, and if she was late for work. She calmed after checking her wristwatch, it had just gone five in the afternoon, there was no need to worry.

Rose decided to do her parents a favour and cook dinner. She felt guilty that she had just been asleep, she could’ve cleaned the house or done some washing, and thought that she’d make it up by cooking. When cooking, Rose didn’t have to think about what had transpired earlier that day, all she had to focus on was cutting vegetables and making the shortcrust for the pie. A thought slipped in at times when Rose would lose concentration, but then she would shake her head and tell herself off.

There were smiles on Henry’s and Mary’s face when they went upstairs to see dinner made for them, they didn’t notice the sheepish look on Rose’s face when she dished out the food. Since the nature of Rose’s work meant that she’d be in the pub in the evenings, and sometimes she’d stay late, it wasn’t often they could eat dinner together. It was a time for them to catch up as well.

‘Your uncle Robert came over today.’ Mary said. Rose knew that her mother was just sharing information, but she was highly unaware of Rose knowing the true reasons he would come over to the house. Rose couldn’t give the game away, so went along with the lie.

‘Oh right, is he well?’

‘Oh, you know your uncle.’ Mary rolled her eyes playfully, but Rose thought it was out of character for her mother to act like that. Also, in regards her comment about uncle Robert, Rose wanted to roll her eyes. After hearing the private conversations her parents had had with her uncle, it was true that she didn’t know her uncle or her parents as well as she thought she had. Her parents sat eating their dinner entirely unware of their daughter’s range of knowledge about their secret doings.

‘Was everything alright at work then. You never come home that early.’ Henry said, glancing over at Rose.

‘I just felt a bit ill, I might be coming down with something.’ Rose lied. She didn’t take her eyes off of her dinner plate, if she had, she would’ve noticed the obvious look her parents shared with one another.

‘It wasn’t something that happened, Rose?’ Mary said, her voice had quietened a little, which had cause Rose to look up.

‘What do you mean?’

Mary swallowed, set her knife and fork down and settled her gaze on Rose. ‘We’ve worked with the Shelby’s a few times, we know how tricky they can be. Your father and I just want to know that you’re not being … treated differently, or not treated correctly as an employee.’

Rose shifted her gaze from her mother to her father, and found that he was giving her the same stare, the one where he was waiting for an answer from her.

‘I’m fine, no one treats me differently.’

‘What about Tommy though? He’s the, uh …’ Henry scoffed and raised a brow, ‘possibly the worst out of all of them. I should know.’

All the while Henry was speaking, Rose found herself shaking her head.

‘No, he’s not worse, they’re all fair on me.’

That ended the conversation, and despite what had happened that day, Rose felt that she had to defend Tommy and the others to her parents, the ones they were double crossing. It was as if they were trying to get Rose on their level of thinking, to make themselves feel better, perhaps.

It was exhausting to be in the middle, especially when Rose was the only one who knew she was in the middle. There was one side, the side of her parents, who were oblivious to how much Rose knew. They carried on with their agenda none the wiser, and Rose worried about the consequences.

Then there was the other side, the side with Tommy. Not only was it Tommy that she had to worry about, but Grace as well. It had been several weeks since Rose had gone to Tommy to tell him about her asking questions, and Grace had seemed to pay her dues since, nothing suspicious had occurred that she knew of. Grace was the least of her worries in that moment, however, she wondered if Tommy would’ve forgotten what was said between them. She was sure that it wouldn’t have affected him like it had her, there was no reason for him to worry over inconsequential words.

\-----

Tommy remained elusive to the Garrison for a couple of days, though Rose had worried when she had gone into work the day after she had left early. She had dreams of Tommy turning up and telling her off for leaving early, but there was no need for it. Grace had asked her if she felt better that day, and Rose answered truthfully, she did feel better.

Although she had worried about turning up to work, Rose had decided to not worry about Tommy’s cutting words, and if he had any more for her, she’d have some ready in reply. It wasn’t fair that she had been spoken to in such a way, and thought to not stand for it again. It was a little grudge in her mind, one that may not have come to fruition anyway, but she kept it there just in case.

The working day had just begun, Rose was starting on the inputting of receipts, and the doors opened with a bang.

‘Grace! Rose!’

There was no doubting the bellowing tone of Arthur, and Rose thought it best to not hide in the office. He must’ve been angry about something, and would be made angrier if Rose didn’t appear. She opened the door and saw Arthur rummaging in the till, Grace had moved out of the way to let him through.

‘I’m taking five pounds out of petty case, alright?’ Arthur’s back was still turned, but Rose shook her head.

‘We don’t have five pounds in petty cash.’ She said, hoping he wouldn’t snap.

‘Then I’ll take what we’ve got.’

‘Count it and leave a receipt.’ Grace said, and she gave a small smile to Rose. It was a consolation, and Rose was thankful for it.

‘Arthur, can you come into the office? I have a question.’

Rose moved away from the door to go back to the desk, and heard Arthur get closer, all the while asking Grace for a drink. He came into the office with his hand full of money, and walked to stand over Rose.

‘What is it?’

Rose ignored his dull tone. ‘There are things in these books that I don’t understand.’

Arthur scoffed. ‘Look who you’re talking to, Rose.’

Despite the lack of confidence from him, Rose carried on. ‘Like here,’ Rose pointed with her finger, ‘every week we pay one pound ten shillings by postal order to a Daniel Owen in London.’

Rose looked back up to Arthur for his reply, and found that he was smirking, his moustache was curved up.

‘Danny Whizz Bang hangs around the pubs in Camden Town Wharf for us. Keeps his ears open for business. He’s a good man.’

The explanation confused Rose further. ‘I thought Danny Whizz Bang was dead.’

‘Then you thought wrong, didn’t you?’

‘But he was shot, my uncle signed his death certificate.’

‘That, Rose, was a show, to satisfy the wops.’

The door opening interrupted Arthur, they both looked to see Grace coming in with a glass of something for Arthur. He threw the drink back, and smacked his lips.

‘Your uncle and dad did a deal. Tommy just shot some sheep’s brains at him.’

‘Who’s buried in his grave?’ Grace asked. Rose wanted to know the answer as well, but when she looked to Arthur, his smirk had fallen, and his glare went hard, moving his head to look at the both of them.

‘Now look, Grace, Rose, if you both know what’s good for you, don’t ask questions about things that don’t concern you. Never, right?’ Arthur was holding a finger out, moving it to point at the both of them, and they nodded their heads in agreement. It wasn’t expected that Arthur would turn so quickly, and Rose regretted sticking her nose in, it was a trait she hated in other people, but she had been so sure about the death. Rose had seen it in the book, Daniel Owens’ name, and the plot he was buried in.

‘Good.’ Arthur said. He turned on his heels, leaving Grace and Rose in the office, and headed out of the pub.

‘Don’t tell Tommy I took this!’

Rose and Grace gave a look to one another, a look confirming that they’d keep their mouths shut, and Grace went back out to the main floor. Rose was still confused over Daniel Owens, but thought that if it was a deal Tommy had made with her father and uncle, she’d be best keeping quiet. Like before, Rose had gained information that she didn’t know what to do with, and it made her uncomfortable.

\-----

The empty glass of water and cordial sat on the table in front of Tommy. It was mocking him, the man who had drank it had just left, but his empty glass remained. The cigarette he had been smoking was down to the butt, and Tommy leant his head back to close his eyes. Thoughts were churning away, he was sure for another sleepless night, and wondered what would be the remedy for it.

There were the endless bottles of alcohol just out behind the bar, but that wasn’t Tommy’s style. He thought about going back to Watery Lane and using his pipe, he hadn’t done so for a few days, and wondered if that was the night he’d use it again. When Tommy left the snug to make his way out, his eyes locked onto the door to the back office, and thought he try his luck, abandoning his plans to go home. As he walked across the floor, he caught Grace in the corner of his eyes, and turned to look at her.

Grace looked as if she been caught doing something she shouldn’t have, there was a strange look on her face as she met Tommy’s gaze. He did nothing but glance her way, not showing an emotion, and returned his sights to the door. Without knocking, Tommy let himself in.

He was in luck, as Rose was still in the office. He had caught her at a good time, she was putting her coat on, she had turned to look at the door when it opened.

‘What’re you doing here so late?’ Tommy asked. It was a question that contradicted himself, he was asking her in a confused tone, but he had wanted her to be there anyway; Rose was the person he had hoped to see.

‘Working.’

If Tommy had met with someone different in the snug, or had been in a lighter mood, Rose’s snarky reply would’ve amused him, but it didn’t. He was in a foul mood, but wanted Rose to be the remedy for it, not caring if she had the patience for him.

‘I assumed that.’ The conversation was reaching a stale mate, Tommy’s mood was getting in the way of an easy conversation, but Rose pulled through.

‘I just like it here. I don’t mind staying late.’

‘Because of home?’ Tommy was firing a blank, there was nothing to assume that Rose was having problems at home. He just made the quick and uneducated connection that staying late at work was a way to not be at home.

The reaction Rose gave, however, showed that Tommy may have been right. It was like Rose to give something away so obviously, but she didn’t want to say anything, not since it involved Tommy directly.

‘I thought I might walk you home.’ Tommy said, ignoring the look she had given him previously. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, but Rose was amenable that night.

‘Alright.’

Tommy and Rose walked out of the pub together, and into the smoky night of Small Heath. Since it was late the streets were bare, so they were mostly on their own and free to talk.

It had been Tommy’s idea to walk Rose home, but after a few minutes of silence, Rose thought to start a conversation.

‘How was your day?’ She asked, hoping to get something from him.

‘You know me, my diary’s always full.’

‘As I’m the one who writes it, I can only imagine.’ Rose smiled. At first Rose thought it was a trick of the light, as she saw something akin to a smile on Tommy’s face. She had looked too obviously at him, as he turned to meet her gaze.

‘I was hoping you would provide a bit of relief.’ Tommy said. Rose recoiled quickly, and started smiling.

‘Relief?’ Rose thought Tommy’s choice of words were interesting, and gave him a funny look.

Tommy scoffed and shook his head. ‘Conversational relief.’

‘Oh, I see what you mean now.’ Rose teased, a sly smile on her lips. She let out a laugh, and Tommy shook his head some more, thinking how immature they were being over something so silly. To break the tension, Rose knocked her arm against Tommy’s.

‘I’m only joking with you.’

‘I’m not laughing though.’ A smile had appeared on his face again, but he was right in saying that he hadn’t laughed. Rose thought to tease him more.

‘No, you never laugh.’ It was meant to be cutting, it was a true enough comment to make, and Rose thought Tommy should be aware of how serious he was.

‘Tell me a joke then.’

Rose looked over to Tommy, wondering if he was being serious. When she met his gaze, it was clear that he was waiting.

‘I don’t know any.’ Rose felt herself go shy for a moment, to be put on the spot like that made her feel uncomfortable. It was rare to keep Tommy in such a good mood, the smile on his lips didn’t falter until Rose spoke.

‘I wonder even if I did, you probably wouldn’t laugh anyway.’

‘Why not?’

Rose paused, then sighed. She knew she had to be careful in the words she chose. ‘You have an image to keep up. Thomas Shelby doesn’t laugh, he’s a serious business man.’

Tommy furrowed his brows slightly. ‘Is that how you see me?’

Rose nodded her head and shrugged her shoulders, she was only being honest. ‘Except for when you act gentlemanly, however, like when you walk me home. That’s you redeeming yourself.’

Tommy no longer had a smile on his lips, his thoughts were too serious for a smile to be natural. They were walking side by side along the street, there were only a few other people walking about, but Tommy worried that Rose might hear his heart beating faster. He had his hands in his jacket pockets, and he clenched them, what he thought might be a relaxing walk home to clear his mind was making him more frustrated.

There had been a few minutes of silence between them, Tommy hadn’t noticed Rose looking over to him as he kept his eyes to the ground.

‘Penny for your thoughts?’

Tommy knew that he couldn’t share what was on his mind, not if he valued his dignity, so decided to throw Rose with a question.

‘What do you think of Grace?'

The light expression Rose had on her face disappeared, and Tommy had been looking long enough to see the change.

‘She’s kind to me.’

‘You two get on well?’ He asked, raising an eyebrow.

‘We’ve been out for lunch together.’

It wasn’t the response he was looking for, and was interested in how she was avoiding the question directly. Rose’s demeanour had changed as well, she no longer moved her head to look over at him, she kept her head down to watch her feet.

‘But do you get along together?’

‘Yes, she’s kind.’

‘You already said that.’

Rose realised her mistake, and let out a short breath through her nose. She knew that Tommy was looking over at her, watching her react through the questioning, so she raised her head, a way of feigning confidence.

‘Would you, let’s say, trust her with a secret?’

The questions were getting frustrating, Rose wished he would stop. As a way to try and stop him, Rose answered honestly.

‘There aren’t many I would trust with my secret.’

Tommy realised how Rose’s wording was a little off, he hadn’t asked about a specific secret, but she had answered just so. This heightened Tommy’s curiosity.

‘Would you trust me?’

Rose finally looked to Tommy, they were just about to reach Rose’s front door, she wanted to face him to give her answer. Rose just shook her head, and watched how Tommy reacted to being told no. His face went blank and steely, she felt like she had put him in his place after the awkward questioning.

‘Thank you for walking me home, Tommy.’

A soft look came over his face, and he blinked slowly. ‘My pleasure, Rose.’

Rose left Tommy with a smile, but didn’t look back after she had opened the front door. Once closed in his face, Tommy let out a huff through his nose. He had hoped for something from Rose, but whatever he had expected, it wasn’t in the form of a secret that he wasn’t privy to.

Watery Lane was a ten-minute walk from where he stood, but he knew the area well, and Lizzie’s flat was just seven minutes. He forgot about the pipe in his bedside table and walked for seven minutes instead.

The feeling of being knocked by Rose’s arm still ghosted him, he looked to his right arm a few times to confirm that he wasn’t being touched, but the memory was so raw in his mind. It was crazy to admit it to himself, but the thought of Rose hiding a secret had spurred him to walk to Lizzie’s. The secrecy wasn’t strictly a turn on, if anything it had frustrated him, but that frustration had turned to the unforgiving feeling in the put of his stomach, and he needed Lizzie to get rid of it.

\-----

As Tommy paced to the Garrison, he worried about who would still be there. It was late, very late, and there wasn’t a high chance of Rose still working. The thing was, he didn’t want her there in the first place, he wanted her miles away from the events that were about to unfold.

He had only just got the message himself, but he was to meet with the IRA man who bartered with him just a few days ago. Things had moved quicker than expected, the police were ready for Tommy to hand Byrne over, so he had to act fast.

Tommy banged on the door, knowing that it would already be closed. There was a thought that crossed his mind, one involving Rose answering the door, but that premonition didn’t occur as it was Grace who opened it. Without giving her a second glace, Tommy paced across the floor, but when he heard Grace going to close the door, he turned.

‘No, leave that open.’ Tommy turned back to lock the other door to the pub, and then went to neaten chairs around a table, one on his side, and two for the IRA. He kept sighing, the stress was getting to him, and in all other instances he could’ve used a drink. However, when Grace offered him one he had refused, he had to be of sound mind.

‘Are you expecting trouble?’

‘Yeah.’ Tommy had to go with what he had, and that meant using Grace for his ends again. He was still suspicious over her, but there was no time to worry about that.

‘At this hour?’

‘Midnight is as good an hour as any.’ Tommy was looking over his gun, checking that it had bullets just in case, then put it on the counter.

‘What the hell is going on?’ Grace couldn’t hide her shock at seeing the gun, and looked to Tommy for answers, he had to give them.

‘When St Andrew’s bell strikes midnight, two IRA men are going to come through that door.’ Tommy had moved from in front of the counter to behind it. ‘When they have what they want, they plan to kill me.’

Tommy had his eyes fixed on one of the cabinets, and pulled out a small handgun. He looked it over as well.

‘It’s your job to stop that happening.’

‘You could’ve given me some warning.’ It wasn’t the time for an argument, and Tommy thought that Grace was picking her moment well. He decided not to bite.

‘I just got the message myself. They want to meet here alone.’

Grace panicked again. ‘And barmaids don’t count?’

‘No. Barmaids don’t count.’ Tommy walked past Grace, the constant moving was just to deal with nerves, he had to keep moving or he’d lose concentration.

‘Now, you’re going to be in that back room.’ He pointed over to the back office. ‘I’m going to be sitting there.’ Tommy then pointed to the chairs he had arranged. He turned to see Grace.

‘When I make a toast, you’re going to come out with that thing raised. You don’t shoot, you just point, I’ll do the rest.’ Tommy watched Grace pick up the gun, it seemed heavy in her hands.

‘Will you kill them?’

Tommy shook his head quickly, he knew he was running out of time. ‘No, the police want them alive.’

‘The police know about this?’

Grace was diverting the topic, and the way she was holding the gun was bothering Tommy. He took it from her hands and held it out across the floor. ‘Keep your arm up, keep your target. Show me.’

Grace took the gun from Tommy and did exactly as he did, she looked over for acceptance. When Tommy had given a quick nod of his head, the bells rang out, and he pushed Grace to get out from behind the bar. Tommy came out himself, and set up the table with glasses and a small jug of water. He looked around quickly to see that the office door was ajar, and then took his seat. He had placed his chair so it faced the main doors to the Garrison, then checked his pocket watch.

There was nothing taking his gaze off of the front door, not even the bells chiming, the pause between them seemed to be getting longer. Figures soon appeared behind the frosted panes of glass, and Tommy didn’t move an inch, when the front doors opened. Tommy’s eyes flicked between Byrne and his accomplice, then then began to fill up their cups when both men took a seat. Since he wasn’t sure if the accomplice was a teetotal man, Tommy went ahead and poured him a glass of whiskey, but his offer was rejected.

‘Lost your thirst, eh?’ It was Tommy’s attempt at teasing, but it fell on deaf ears.

‘Just show us where.’ Byrne said.

Tommy went into his coat pocket, and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He held it in the air, where both the men could see. ‘Give me the cash.’

Byrne gave a quick nod, and the other man went into his jacket. A torn paper envelope was put onto the table, it had been torn due to the stack of notes inside of it. With it being where he could see it, Tommy put his paper on the table.

‘You’re going to need a shovel.’

Byrne took the paper, and opened it quickly to take a look. A brief look was shared between the IRA men, and the accomplice let out a small chuckle, which Tommy was expecting.

‘You thick fucking tinker.’ Whilst he was talking, he produced a gun from his jacket pocket, and held it out to point at Tommy. ‘Did you think we’d let you live?’

‘Make your peace, Mr Shelby.’

‘I will make peace my own way.’ Tommy took the glass of whiskey from the table, held it up, and said, ‘To those who thought they could save everyone.’

As Tommy took the drink in one, the office door opened, and Grace came out with her gun held high. Tommy had just put his glass back on the table, and a shot rang out. The accomplice was dead straight away, and Byrne lunged to Tommy, gun in hand. Tommy reacted quick enough to deflect a bullet, it went up to the ceiling instead.

The fight between Byrne and Tommy almost ended unfavourably, as Tommy was suffocating under his jacket, and his mind had almost betrayed him. He had always experienced flashbacks on his own, but it happened then, with his would-be killer’s arms around his throat. Then everything happened before his eyes. A headbutt, then another, then another, Tommy grabbed the spittoon and bashed it over Byrne’s head, not caring about the spit flying around him. When Byrne’s skull had caved in, Tommy managed to stop.

Tommy looked over to Grace, he hadn’t realised that she was on the floor. She looked wide eyed between him and Byrne, body shaking and close to tears. Tommy got up unsteadily, his throat was still raw from being choked, but he knew he felt one thing in that moment, anger. Tommy looked away from Grace as he leant against the bar, he could hear that she was getting up as well. Tommy ran a hand through his hair, and breathed in sharply to clear his throat.

‘Why did you shoot?’ Tommy’s throat cracked when he spoke. He didn’t look over to her, he couldn’t. She had compromised the both of them by pulling the trigger, and although his body was tired, his mind was on fire.

‘I … I …’

‘Why did you shoot?!’ Tommy shouted, gripping onto the edge of the counter. He felt like pinning her up against the wall and spitting into her face, Grace’s whimpers were beginning to grate.

‘I didn’t know I had it in me like that.’ She snivelled. Tommy turned his head and glared hard at Grace, seeing her distressed expression wasn’t something he felt sympathy over.

‘You didn’t know?! I was almost dead!’ After Tommy’s voice had died down, the front doors opened again. Tommy turned to see Sergeant Moss walk in with men behind him, and his anger only increased.

‘You were supposed to come on the sixth chime.’ Tommy started walking to them. ‘You were supposed to come on the fucking sixth chime!’

The shouts weren’t bothering Sergeant Moss, he was too busy looking at the bodies lying bloody in front of them. The Sergeant’s indifference made Tommy roll his eyes, he leant against the bar and locked his gaze to the far wall. There was no getting through to anyone, so Tommy gave up.

‘They refused to surrender. They fought well. They were brave men.’ Tommy muttered. Tommy stared off still when Sergeant Moss moved closer.

‘Well, he looks like he was killed by a wild fucking animal.’ Sergeant Moss gave a quick look up and down Tommy’s dishevelled state. ‘Still. This never happened and they were never here. Who cares?’

‘Get the bodies out of here.’ Tommy’s voice was breaking again, he was fighting against the urge to raise his voice.

‘Alright, are they making the lady uncomfortable?’

At Sergeant Moss’s words, Grace looked over to both men, Tommy could see it out of the corner of his eye, but he remained staring at the far wall.

‘I’ll leave you both to it, then, eh? Don’t want to be around when someone’s getting the sack.’ Sergeant Moss looked pointedly over to Grace, and she lowered her head.

Once the Sergeant’s men had taken the bodies away, Tommy could feel that Grace was lingering, getting ready to share her reasonings, but he wasn’t in the mood to hear them.

‘Get out.’

Grace did as she was told, which was good for Tommy, since he didn’t have any energy left to start an argument. Tommy locked up, and set off through Small Heath. There were several people he could’ve gone to see, Lizzie, or uncle Charlie, but ultimately, Tommy decided to walk to Watery Lane. Polly was the closest out of the family, she had seen him covered in blood before, and knew that she wouldn’t mind talking to him, no matter what state he was in.

It was gone midnight, but Tommy didn’t bother being considerate. He slammed the front door, thinking it would’ve been enough to wake Polly up, and walked through to the kitchen. Before sitting down, he banged the kettle against the cooker for good measure. When he sat down, there was movement from upstairs, so Tommy waited. He was too tired to even light a cigarette, his body was calling for sleep, but his mind was troubled.

‘Do you insist on waking the street?’ Polly’s voice was heard before she was seen, there had been a smart look on her face, but it faltered when she caught eyes with Tommy. His posture was poor and he looked small in the chair. Then there was the sweat on his face, his messy hair and tired expression. The only part of Tommy that seemed alive was his blue eyes, they said everything Polly needed to know, and she sighed.

‘For God’s sake, Tommy. Do you want me to pat you on the head and make you feel better?’

Polly was standing in the doorway still, her arms crossed in front of her. Tommy didn’t have the strength to think of something clever in return, all he could do was blink slowly and try to figure out how to explain himself. He had wanted Polly to sit with him since he thought he had something to say, but it had disappeared.

‘Here.’ Polly said. She walked to the sideboard and picked up the carton of cigarettes and a box of matches, she threw them onto the table. ‘Do you want me to light one for you?’

Tommy ignored her and groaned as he reached forward to help himself. Polly sat down in the chair across from Tommy as he lit a cigarette. When he had taken the first drag, he leant back in his chair and looked to Polly.

‘I killed a man tonight, Pol.’ He spoke with an emotionless tone, and Polly tutted.

‘I don’t need to hear it, Tommy. I’m not getting involved.’

‘It was at the Garrison.’ Tommy continued, he had started his flow, and he didn’t want to falter. ‘I worried, before I got there, that Rose would be there.’

At the sound of Rose’s name, Polly held a stare to Tommy. ‘What would she think if she saw you like that?’

Tommy would’ve liked to have known the answer to Polly’s question, but in truth, he had no clue. Rose was different, he wondered if she would’ve done as he said to the letter, and not have acted recklessly like Grace. When he thought about it, Tommy wondered if Grace shooting the man was her getting back at him treating her poorly when they went to the races.

‘I wouldn’t like to find out.’ Tommy said, taking another drag of his cigarette.

‘Yes, you would.’ Polly said, the smart look she had been wearing before was back on her face. ‘You’d put her in such a situation, like you would any other. Or is Rose special?’

Tommy dropped his eye contact with Polly, because he knew she was right. He would never out rightly say she was, but she had cottoned on anyway.

‘Oh, she is special.’ Polly smiled, but it wasn’t through happiness, it was out of surprise. ‘I won’t let on, then, I’ll just keep my mouth shut.’

Polly was trying to make a joke out of the situation, but Tommy couldn’t join in, he couldn’t see that his feelings for Rose were a good thing. Everything that happened around him usually turned to dust, he didn’t want Rose to see that end.

\-----

The gardens were mostly empty, unlike the museum usually was. Grace checked her watch when she saw Mr Campbell approaching, he was only a few minutes late, and those few minutes were used by Grace thinking of how to steer the conversation between them.

Before Campbell had even said anything, he breached Grace’s personal space and raised a hand to see to the cut on her forehead. Like with most times Campbell wanted to be close, she let him, but only to a degree.

‘First of all, let me say, I had no idea he would involve you in this ugly business. If I had, I never would have let it happen.’

‘It’s fine, he seemed to have trusted me in the moment.’

Campbell lowered his gaze, and kept moving from one foot to the other. ‘Sergeant Moss made a report. Which, of course, I have burnt. He said that when he entered the room, you two were quarrelling.’

‘Two Fenians had just died, he wasn’t in the best of moods.’

‘My concern is your welfare, I don’t want your position to be compromised.’ Campbell was using his usual trick of fatherly love, she knew it wasn’t because she was under his employ.

‘It was because I killed them, he didn’t expect it from me.’

Campbell breathed out heavily, it was close to a sigh, and Grace knew why he seemed disappointed. He had mentioned before about her personal vendetta, and Grace had done enough to convince him that there was nothing that urged her to pull the trigger the first time. Campbell had dealt with it then, and he would deal with it again.

‘Grace, if you feel that your mission has … affected you in some way-’

‘No.’ Grace said, and Campbell stopped talking. They both took a seat on the stone bench, and Grace was in no mood to continue about her opinions on the mission.

‘I have some information to share.’ Grace started, and Campbell went quiet so he could listen in.

‘A day when the Peaky Blinders will take out Billy Kimber. It’s on December 3rd, I saw it written in the diary.’

Campbell nodded his head slowly. ‘Good work, Grace, but what about the guns?’

Grace bristled in her seat, knowing that she had the answers to that question. ‘Thomas did a deal with the Alexanders, the coroner and funeral director, they were the ones that signed his death certificate of Daniel Owens, but the guns are buried in his plot.’

Campbell raised his brow. ‘Are you sure about this?’

‘Fairly certain.’ Grace said, it was better than no information at all. ‘I worry though, because Rose Alexander seems close with Tommy, they may share information.’

‘I will deal with Rose eventually. Tommy will have the knowledge that I used her uncle to dispose of some bodies, and she can revel in Tommy’s anger of her family double crossing his.’

It was that night the guns were dug up. Campbell went to Robert Alexander straight after his meeting with Grace, and chose some choice words to convince him to comply. Robert wanted to be spared, he didn’t want the Alexander name to be dragged into the mess, but Campbell made no promises.

Grace got a message that morning, to go to the graveyard to meet with Campbell. She assumed because of the setting of the meeting that she had been right, and Campbell had found the guns. He had a spring in his step as he walked to close the gap between them.

‘All but one gun accounted for.’ Campbell went ahead to close the gap even further, he brought his arms around her, but she did not return the gesture.

‘Then, sir, I will resign my commission.’ Grace’s expression didn’t change, and she wanted to slap the smile on Campbell’s face.

‘Good.’ His hands were still on her, Grace was ready to shrug him off.

‘So, I am no longer your superior officer and you are no longer my subordinate.’

Grace wasn’t sure where Campbell’s speech was heading, he had taken his hat off, and another smile spread across his lips.

‘And therefore, regulations permit me to offer you this.’

Grace looked down to see that Campbell had produced a small black box, and once opened, it showed a ring. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. All of those times he had touched her, and shared his words of comfort, they weren’t enough to prepare her for a proposal.

Campbell stepped forward, and explained himself. ‘I am … I am a simple man, but a good man. And my admiration for you has turned to love.’

Grace didn’t know whether to roll her eyes or question his thoughts.

‘I don’t ask for love in return, just, recognition that we are like minds with shared values.’ Campbell paused, then lifted his gaze to meet Grace.

‘Grace, will you marry me?’

Grace knew herself that she wasn’t the marrying type, she didn’t want to put a ring on her finger anyway. There were times in her past when she thought that day would come, but so many things had happened since, it was never to be an option anymore. She put her hands behind her back, retreating herself from Campbell.

‘Mr Campbell. You deserve better.’

She watched Campbell’s face fall, but carried on before he could say anything.

‘I will remain in Small Heath until I have my affairs in order. My resignation will be with you in the morning.’

As Grace stepped back to leave, Campbell was still struggling for words. She didn’t care to see if he was hurt, or if he was angry, she kept her head down to watch her feet wander through the graves.


	7. Part One | Be Safe, Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

Rose held a handkerchief to her mouth as she walked down the lane to the Garrison, the fires being stoked in the furnaces were making her choke badly. She needed a drink to soothe her throat, it was a good job she was going back to the pub.

Rose had taken her afternoon break and went to see Ms Harding. There weren’t many times that she had the chance to go and see her anymore, Ms Harding was relying on the boy next door to get her groceries, but Rose knew that it was only polite to go and see how she was doing. She wasn’t just an old client of the business, Ms Harding was a friend as well.

The pub seemed to be busier than when Rose had left it. It was only a weekday, and it wasn’t late either. Rose tried to recall there being an event on, but she couldn’t think of anything. As she walked into the pub, she thought to ask Grace about it being so busy, but she wasn’t behind the counter, it was only Harry being run off of his feet by all the custom.

The crowds meant that Rose had to weave through people to get to the office, she felt better when she got to the empty back room. She shrugged of her coat and hung it on the rack, everything on the desk remained untouched, just how she had left it. She sat down in her seat, and prepared to write in the next stack of receipts.

Just as Rose’s hand started aching, there was a knock at the door. Rose looked over to see that Harry was peering his head through the open door.

‘Rose, couldn’t give us a hand, could you? Grace hasn’t turned up for her shift.’

Rose agreed immediately, even though she had never pulled a pint before. She asked Harry if Grace was ill, but he said he didn’t know. It wasn’t like Grace to skip a shift, Rose was sure that she had never done so before, and wished she didn’t have to go behind the bar to take her place.

There were many people lined up and waiting for a drink, and Rose felt overwhelmed at the sight of them. Harry told her that he’d look after the counter, her job was to go around and collect empty glasses and wash them. Rose did as she was told, and went out from behind the bar to collect.

Harry kept an eye out for her, he saw the way the men would look at Grace, and they wouldn’t mind their mouths around her either. As Rose made her way around the tables, the men sat down never kept their gaze on Rose for more than a few seconds, and it clicked in Harry’s mind. She and Tommy had been seen around Small Heath a few times together, and several times they happened to be in the pub. The men proved smarter than they looked, and they knew that it wouldn’t be wise to make Rose uncomfortable with flirting not unless they wanted Tommy Shelby making a show of them in front of everyone.

With the extra help from Rose, Harry was able to tend to the custom, and soon enough the crowds waned. Time carried on, and Rose was nearing the end of her shift. She was tired of cleaning glasses, the work was too menial for her, but she didn’t argue about it since she knew Harry needed the help. When the main floor was emptier, Rose went into the office and grabbed her coat. She neatened the desk before she left, and had everything out so she would know what to do when she went for her shift the next day.

When she opened the office door, Harry came up to her, looking concerned.

‘My brother in Digbeth just said the police are coming down from Deritend in numbers. Asking for Tommy Shelby by name.’

Before Rose had a chance to ask if that was true, the door to the side entrance of the pub opened.

At the appearance of Tommy, Harry exclaimed, ‘Shit,’ and headed back behind the bar.

Rose looked to see Tommy’s fretting expression, and he gestured for her to go back into the office. Tommy shut the door behind them, and seemed to be out of breath.

‘I’m going to have to lie low for a while.’

Rose furrowed her brows. ‘Why?’

‘I lost my bargaining power.’ Tommy sighed, he still seemed on edge despite the cool tone to his voice. ‘This copper, it’s just him and me now.’

Rose had been staring into Tommy’s eyes as he spoke, and he had avoided her gaze mostly, but then he raised his head. ‘When I get back, I’m going to tell you some things.’

Rose wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but could tell that he was in a hurry. ‘Harry said the police are already in Digbeth.’

Tommy nodded. ‘Yeah.’

‘You took a chance coming here. Why did you do that?’

Tommy looked as if he was going to ignore the question anyway, but the door swung open suddenly. It was close to hitting them both, but Finn was in a hurry.

‘The police are in the lane, Tommy!’

Before Tommy could run off, Rose stopped him. ‘I know where we can go.’

There was no time for Tommy to argue with Rose, and they rushed past Finn to leave the pub. As they were making their way through the back lanes of Small Heath, Rose hoped that her plan would work out. She had wanted to help in that moment, she had thought of a solution to his problem, but she wanted it to work out in Tommy’s favour. Rose kept her pace up, and whenever they turned a corner, she would look back to steal a glance of Tommy. They hadn’t said a word to one another, Tommy didn’t ask questions as to where he was being taken, he followed blindly and gave Rose his trust.

They ended up behind a familiar row of houses, and Rose went ahead to open up the back door. She knew it wouldn’t be locked, even though she had insisted it be most times when she visited.

The kitchen was empty when they walked in, the fire had just been put out. There was a light on in the front room, so Rose called out.

‘Ms Harding?!’

Both Rose and Tommy waited, and noise could be heard from the front room. A figure soon appeared, Rose went to smile at Ms Harding, but it wasn’t returned. There was a brief moment where no one said anything, Ms Harding just looked between the two people standing in her kitchen.

When it was clear that Ms Harding was keeping quiet for a reason, Rose went to explain herself.

‘Ms Harding, I need a favour.’

Ms Harding scoffed and shook her head. ‘A favour!?’

Tommy bristled behind Rose. He didn’t like the look that Ms Harding gave the both of them when she entered the room, and thought that Rose’s plan wouldn’t come to fruition. He didn’t know her as well as Rose did, but thought to trust in her, at least until he was proven right.

‘I’m sorry, but … can Tommy stay the night? He needs to not be seen in Small Heath, and I thought of your house first.’ There was a slight desperation in Rose’s voice and Tommy winced, that kind of voice wouldn’t have worked with him, so wondered if Ms Harding would fall for her sweet tone.

‘You want to bring trouble to my front door?’ Ms Harding argued, waving her hand out in front of her. Tommy’s fists started clenching, time was ticking, and if he was rejected from Ms Harding’s house, there wouldn’t be much time to find somewhere else.

‘I wouldn’t ask for anything from you ever again, please.’

Ms Harding raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. Her eyes flicked between the two of them, to Rose’s desperate face, to Tommy’s blank expression, and groaned.

‘You are not to step foot up those stairs,’ Ms Harding pointed with a finger, ‘and you are to be gone before the lark sings.’

After Ms Harding spoke, she turned her back on the two of them, quick enough to avoid their reactions, and headed upstairs. Rose and Tommy said their thanks in unison, and they could finally relax.

The kitchen seemed darker to when they had entered it, a light coming through the window was all that lit up Rose and Tommy’s faces. Rose turned to Tommy, but didn’t look smug at having her plan work out, she looked relieved.

‘Is this alright?’

Tommy almost scoffed a laugh, Rose had just found him a place to stay for the night, and he was extremely thankful for it. A longing look was on Rose’s face, she was waiting for his approval.

‘Yes. Thank you, Rose.’

Rose nodded her head, then took a deep breath. It came to both Rose and Tommy’s attention that they were close to one another, in the dark room, alone. When Tommy’s mouth parted slightly, Rose could feel his breath, they were that close to one another.

Rose couldn’t meet Tommy’s gaze, she didn’t know what came over her, but she knew if she looked up, Tommy would be gazing at her with his piercing blue eyes.

‘Will you be alright to walk home?’

At the sound of Tommy’s voice, Rose had to lift her head. Like she had thought, Tommy’s eyes were gazing at her, but it was more intense than predicted. She had gone with a few seconds of not answering Tommy’s question, Rose was too distracted for her own good.

‘Yes.’ Rose didn’t know why she was whispering, but she couldn’t stop herself. ‘I can’t ask you, can I?’

Tommy smiled gently. He could feel how close Rose’s body was to his, he knew that if he started moving on the balls of his feet, his body would end up touching hers. Everything was still in the dark kitchen, the only movement that occurred was the coals that were glowing dimly, the hands of the grandfather clock that were ticking, and both Rose and Tommy’s hearts, which were beating faster than considered normal.

The next thing that moved in the dark kitchen was Tommy’s hand. The silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable, but to stand in front of one another in silence wasn’t enough for that moment. Tommy brought his hand up and put it to Rose’s arm.

‘Be safe, Rose.’

Rose’s breath hitched in her throat, the hand on her arm seemed to have locked her arms dead to her side. It was the light squeeze Rose felt on her arm that brought her back to her senses, and she knew that she had to go.

‘Goodnight, Tommy.’ Rose’s voice wasn’t a whisper anymore, it was barely a breath. She couldn’t help giving Tommy a pained look on her way out, the feeling of his hand slipping from her touch made her feel empty. She didn’t look back as she opened the door to leave.

Rose held her arms around her body as she walked home, her pace was quick to get her there quickly. The evening had drawn in fast, the streetlights were illuminating her path home, and it was a good job that it was dark. As Rose was walking, she felt her face become wet, but it hadn’t started raining. When she used the back of her hand to wipe it away at the wetness, she realised they were tears.

Rose brought her hand out in front of her, and looked to where the tears were soaking into her skin. She was confused at first, there was no reason to be crying. Tommy hadn’t said anything mean, nothing sad had happened, but as Rose was staring at her hand still, more tears appeared when she blinked.

There weren’t many people around, so no one witnessed Rose crying through the streets. As Rose slowed down when she turned onto her street, the tears stopped, and she took a moment to wonder why she had started crying. Rose took long blinks as her footsteps got slower, and every time she closed her eyes, Tommy appeared. She could still feel his hand on her, and the gaze he had held reminded her of a time before.

Rose had been looked at like that before, when she was just sixteen. That look had resulted in more than she had bargained for, both happiness and heartache. She never thought that she’d be in that situation again, but there was something different about the second time it had happened. There was a part missing the first time, however, but that seemed to be present the second time around.

Tommy hadn’t showed any more interest in Grace, he didn’t view Rose and Grace with the same opinion. Rose couldn’t help but think that their moment in the kitchen had flicked a switch for her, and she worried that Tommy didn’t feel the same. The tears came from a frustration inside of her, Rose was frustrated because there was a word coming to mind when she thought of Tommy. It was a word that she didn’t want to admit to herself, especially when she didn’t know if the word would’ve been reciprocated. That word, love, was becoming real, and Rose felt scared.

\-----

Blankets lay tangled in Rose’s legs as she woke up the next morning, it was clear that she had a bad night. Spending a moment to remember the events of the previous night, it occurred to Rose that she had woken up like that before, but many years before, and with someone else in her bed. Rose recalled the feeling of waking up next to someone, and how precious that moment had been, but when she closed her eyes to think about it, it was Tommy who she envisioned instead. When his blue eyes bore into hers, Rose’s eyes shot open, and she went stock still.

It wasn’t expected, but then Rose relaxed. She had been shocked at first, Tommy had never ended up in her thoughts in that way before, but Rose closed her eyes again. Tommy ended up lying next to her, just as bare as she would be, and his eyes would be soft, softer than she had ever seen them. Tommy would be content, he would be in a light that Rose had never seen before.

The image didn’t last in Rose’s mind, since she knew that intimacy, although meaningful in the moment, had almost been her downfall. Her daughter came from it, but within a few weeks, she was gone, and Rose didn’t want to go through that pain again. The thoughts about Tommy had to go, despite their persistence.

To get those certain thoughts out of her mind, Rose decided to visit Ada. She still hadn’t been seen by anyone, Polly had tried many times, every day for the past two weeks, but she still hadn’t yielded. Rose didn’t have to turn up to her shift until late morning, so instead of hanging around at home with disrupting thoughts bothering her, she headed out early.

When Rose arrived to the flat, a basket of food was still outside her door. Rose assumed that it wasn’t the same basket that was there the last time she had visited. Polly was obviously being determined, but it hadn’t paid off yet.

‘Ada, it’s Rose.’

Like before, there was no answer, Rose wasn’t sure what state Ada was even in.

‘I promise I wasn’t sent, I don’t have any food with me.’

‘It’s alright.’ Ada said. Rose thought that she sounded exhausted. ‘I think I need the company.’

The lock on the door sounded out, and Rose stepped back. When the door opened, she was presented with a ragged looking Ada, with a bundle in her arms. Rose didn’t even get a greeting, Ada had left the door open and carried on soothing her son, whose crying was getting louder.

Rose stepped into the small room, and was hit with a wave of heat, the basement flat was so stuffy it made Rose choke. The room itself was pitiful, it mirrored the state of Ada. There was no cohesion to anything, clothes were strewn over the bed posts and the back of the chairs, a dirty bucket of water was by the fireplace, a scrubbing board was left inside, and it looked as if dirty rags were floating inside. Ada seemed to be bothered by everything, the dark shadows under her eyes were prominent, and her eyes drooped.

‘Can you hold him for a moment, he won’t stop winging.’

Rose didn’t have a choice when Ada passed her baby over. Rose watched as Ada started to pick things up off the floor and tidy. Unbeknownst to Ada was how Rose was reacting to holding a baby. Rose looked down to the baby’s crumpled face, and realised it was the first time she had held a baby since holding her own. He was crying, his eyes were closed and his little pink tongue poking out of his mouth, and Rose felt a sensation pass over her.

Tears formed in her eyes, but not like night before when she had cried. The feeling of holding Ada’s baby stirred something inside of her, the yearning of wanting a crying baby in her arms was something that she didn’t realise she had been missing.

‘What’s up?’

‘I’m sorry, Ada.’ Rose sobbed, she sniffed loudly and tried to stop the flow of tears. Ada gave Rose a worried expression, and pulled out a chair.

‘Sit down.’

Rose, still holding onto the baby, took the seat Ada offered. Rose’s vision was blurred as she tried to clear her throat, a combination of emotions were boiling in her mind, she hoped that Ada would be patient with her.

‘I’m jealous, Ada.’ Rose sighed. Ada wanted to disagree with Rose, living in a squalid basement and being cut off from family wasn’t something to be jealous of. However, Ada watched as Rose looked down to her baby, saw the way that she tenderly stroked a finger down his cheeks, and knew what look she had.

‘I had a daughter.’

What Ada suspected turned out to be right, and she lowered her head.

‘I know you’re not on speaking terms with your family, but at least they still love you, and your baby.’

‘Karl.’ Ada said. Rose looked up to smile, the tears had stopped, it had just been a sudden release of emotion, and she felt better for it.

‘So, your parents …’

‘They never knew.’ Rose’s expression went serious for a moment. ‘She died at eight weeks, they never had to know.’

‘Does Tommy know?’

Rose kept her head down, but her gaze shifted rapidly, not expected his name to have been brought up. ‘I told Polly, but that’s it. Please don’t tell anyone.’

Ada put a hand to Rose’s lap, and reassured her. ‘Of course I won’t.’ Ada then sighed, and ran a hand through her hair.

‘I’ve been thinking about going over to the house anyway. I’m think I’m going to end up offing myself in here.’

‘I don’t see how you couldn’t.’ Rose said, and Ada let out a laugh of relief. At the sound of laughter, Karl gurgled pleasantly, it was a sound he hadn’t heard before. Both Ada and Rose started fussing over him, trying to elicit more noises by cooing encouragingly.

‘At least, out of everyone, you have Polly.’ Rose said. Ada nodded in agreement, the daily baskets of food were a clear sign of that.

‘Polly to you is like how my great aunt was for me.’

Ada scoffed. ‘I wouldn’t go telling her that.’

Rose and Ada laughed, and Karl babbled happily. Despite it being an impromptu visit, it made both Rose and Ada feel better. Ada felt that she had the courage to finally go to Watery Lane after all her time away and make amends with her family, and Rose felt like she could at least conquer the day.

\-----

When Tommy had handed over the business card, the thoughts that Arthur had even thinking previously disappeared. He was easily pleased, just like when Tommy had presented him with the Garrison, the news of hearing that he’s just as important a brother was enough to get a smile on his face.

‘We are on our way up in the world, brother.’

The business couldn’t be better, things were working in the way that Tommy wanted, and just as he had planned. Despite the hiccup with the IRA men, Tommy was finally feeling good about the direction of the business. The current stability of said business wasn’t enough to fill his mind, however. The event that had just occurred a few days ago, the one he had tried to not think about, was too significant to just brush over.

There was the one part of that event where Rose had outdone herself, Tommy didn’t know he could rely on her like that in the spur of the moment. Grace had done so before, at the races and when the IRA men came, but Tommy didn’t know that Rose had it in her. Her talent at convincing Ms Harding was also impressive, and Tommy thought that she was now a person that he could rely on if he was ever caught short.

Not only was he thinking that Rose was someone he could rely on, but someone he had feelings for. When they were in Ms Harding’s house, Tommy wondered if there was a trick in the light, or because it was dark, but the look Rose gave him was disorienting. There had been only two times before when they had touched, the first being when they had shaken hands together, and the other being Rose bumping her arm into his side. After that, Tommy had gone to Lizzie, he couldn’t handle the way he could still feel her on his skin.

Tommy hadn’t gone to Lizzie after staying at Ms Harding’s, he had held himself off, but he was driving himself mad with seeing her in his mind. There were times at night when he didn’t use his pipe, where images of Rose would flash up whenever he closed his eyes. He would see her eyes, bright with the moonlight, the clarity of seeing her so close sent an ache down his body, and instead of reaching for his bedside table, he closed his eyes and reached a hand down his body.

In the quiet of his bedroom at Watery Lane, Tommy rarely gave into himself. It wasn’t something he did at any point in his life, not when he was younger, not before the war, and not after. There were several other ways that Tommy sorted out his frustrations, Lizzie being the main person he went to. However, as time was passing, and with him not getting any closer with Rose, other than just recently putting his hand on her arm, Tommy was feeling unsatisfied with just getting the job done quickly with a substitute like Lizzie.

Tommy shut his eyes, lids closing slowly, and all he could see was Rose. They hadn’t done anything sexual with one another, and it baffled Tommy in thinking that his body became stiff just from the platonic touching they had shared. He let his hand wander further down his stomach, under the cloth covering his hot skin, and a groan caught in his throat.

At the feeling of pressure against himself, Tommy’s body both relaxed and tensed up, the sudden urge to curse almost betrayed him. He took deep breaths and focused his mind, all his thoughts turned to Rose. He thought about how her lips parted as she gazed into eyes, but then he had to further himself. When they had stood together in the kitchen, he swore he could feel the fabric of her coat, but that wasn’t enough. Tommy thought about closing the gap between them, feeling Rose’s soft lips against hers, his groan of pleasure was immediate.

All it took was to imagine putting his lips against Rose, first her lips, then her neck, where the skin would be soft, and he would suck until bruises were left in place. Then he’d move to her collarbones, he’d put his lips against the bone, just to feel another part of her body. Tommy’s hand sped up as he imagined his lips moving down to her breasts, how supple they’d fee between his lips. He marvelled at the thought of being the one to kiss them, to have them so close he was able to stroke his tongue over the expanse of skin, and he imagined that goose bumps would rise as a reaction to his touch.

As Tommy worked his hand against his cock, he imagined being in bed with Rose, not his bed at Watery Lane, but somewhere new, where Rose would suit sleeping. Tommy thought of white sheets surrounding her bare body, her hands would be gripping the sheets tightly, and her legs would part for him. Just as Tommy could feel Rose so close, he choked and the sweat on his forehead went cold. Tommy’s hand was wet, his heart was pumping hard and his brain had melted.

Tommy lay in his bed, the descent from releasing was leaving him feeling emptier, not only physically but emotionally as well. He wondered how he would cope seeing Rose again, knowing that he had thought about her in an intimate way. There wasn’t a chance of her being able to read his mind, but Tommy felt guilty that he had used her image to ease his mind of intruding thoughts. He knew that he had to go to Lizzie next time, to be alone in peaking wasn’t fulfilling, and he felt worse off for it.

The next night, the urge was back again. He led in his bed, and his right hand was flexing at not knowing what to do. Soon enough, his mind became too distracted, and he shot up from his bed. In the dead of night, he walked to Lizzie’s flat and sorted himself out the normal way in which he did things.

The next morning was better, Tommy stayed in his office for most of the day and saw through the business, there were always people coming through the doors to place bets. As he sat reading his paper, he surprised himself in thinking that it would be harmless to go to the Garrison, to go and see Rose. He had avoided the pub for a couple of days, but since he had gone Lizzie, Tommy felt like he could handle seeing Rose.

Tommy walked through the house at Watery Lane with a smile on his face, and headed out onto the street. There was no chance of him heading back to the house, Tommy felt confident in making an appearance. The thoughts that had pervaded his mind the other night had settled, and Tommy didn’t think he was tempting fate by going to the pub to see Rose. She was an employee of his business, he had a right to go and see her, and that was the excuse in his mind as the Garrison came into view. Tommy took in a deep breath and prepared himself, he knew that just through those doors, Rose would be there, working away like usual and the thought was illuminating to think about.

When the doors opened, Tommy caught eyes with Grace, she was the last person he wanted to see whilst in his good mood. There was no trust in Grace anymore, not after the night at the pub where she had acted stupid beyond belief. Tommy wasn’t one to forgive lightly, and had taken to ignoring her all together. It had been months since she had sung him that sad song, but they had gone above being level with one another, Tommy was above Grace, and she knew that she was on thin ice. Grace stood behind the counter, cleaning glasses and avoiding Tommy’s eye contact. Even though Grace wasn’t looking over, Tommy held his stare so the feeling of being watched lasted.

Tommy didn’t knock as he entered the back office, he had never taken to knocking. There was a part of him that liked catching Rose off guard, for a second he got to see her in her own space when she thought she was alone. It was the same that time around, Tommy saw that Rose’s head was in her hand and she was writing in the book. There was nothing to it really, but when Tommy looked further, he noticed the way Rose’s fingers were gripped into her hair, and how her foot was tapping lightly underneath the chair.

The sound of footsteps was enough to catch Rose out of her work, and she turned. There wasn’t an immediate smile, Rose had been caught off guard, and it wasn’t by Grace, who was usually the only person that visited her in the back office. At the sight of Tommy, Rose felt slightly uncomfortable, it had been a few days where they had gone without seeing one another, a few days after the incident in the kitchen. She had imagined the first time seeing him again, but she hadn’t thought it would be with a smile on his face.

Tommy couldn’t help but have a smirk on his lips. In seeing Rose, a playful mood had come over him, and there was a part of him that changed; he wanted Rose to see a playful side to him, one she hadn’t seen before.. Without saying a word, Tommy walked the small space to the desk, and sat on the side of it. Rose only watched him, thinking that he was acting strange.

‘Have you been given a work appraisal since you started?’ Tommy started. He noticed that the serious expression on Rose’s face had lightened up, and she shook her head.

‘No.’

Tommy furrowed his brows in a teasing way, pretending that he was curious. ‘How long have you worked here?’

‘About three months.’ Rose answered plainly, not understating Tommy’s intentions.

‘Three months?’ Tommy acted surprised. ‘So, this would be a quarterly appraisal.’

Rose was thought that it was rare to find Tommy in a good mood, and she couldn’t understand why he was in one. She had never seen him sit on the desk, it seemed so informal for him to do so. Rose watched Tommy get up and grab a chair, he placed it just in front of Rose. She had turned in her chair to look at him, not actually thinking that he was going to give her an appraisal, she was sure that they were more of a scheduled arrangement rather than random.

Tommy sat back in his chair and crossed his legs, and looked to Rose. Again, there was a certain look in his eye, one that Rose hadn’t seen before.

‘What are you doing?’

Rose’s question was left unanswered as Tommy thought of the first question to ask. He feigned a face of interest, then cleared his throat.

‘Miss Alexander.’

Rose let out a laugh at being called Miss, but Tommy put up a finger to stop her, he was taking the game he was playing very seriously.

‘Miss Alexander, how are you finding the work here?’ Tommy raised an eyebrow and acted serious, he waited patiently for Rose’s answer.

Rose didn’t know what to say, but felt the staring from Tommy was making her think fast.

‘Uh, good.’ Rose wanted to roll her eyes at the rubbish answer. She looked away from Tommy so she didn’t have to see his reaction, and tried to say something more intelligent.

‘The work is good, because it’s always different.’ It was a vague answer, but it was better than the one she gave before.

Tommy nodded his head slowly. ‘Different?’

‘Your business can be very …,’ Rose thought about the word she wanted to use, she didn’t want to sound accusing, or think that she had particular opinions about Tommy’s work, ‘eclectic.’

‘That’s a very powerful word to use. Where did you learn that?’

‘At school.’

Tommy nodded his head again. ‘Ah yes, the good education at your great aunt’s. Tell me more about it.’

It was the way in which Tommy was asking questions that made Rose suspicious. He was playing a game with her, but with a secret agenda. She didn’t want to fall for it, and decided to play him at his own game.

‘Tommy, if you wanted to know about that, you didn’t have to ask in such a funny way.’ Rose said, levelling her tone, almost like a mother telling off her son. ‘I don’t mind talking about my great aunt.’

There was a silence between them, and it wasn’t Tommy trying to play off the moment to get something, the silence was down to him being caught out. Rose had seen through his little game, and was wise enough to call him up on it.

With Tommy so silent, his eyes were keeping a hold of Rose’s gaze, like he was speaking with his eyes. Rose didn’t understand what he was trying to do, so she filled the gap.

‘And now you won’t speak, because we’re not playing your game anymore. And you’ll pretend that you’re not interested in what you had asked previously.’

At Rose’s commentary on the atmosphere, Tommy let a smirk appear on his lips. He liked that she was teasing, she was acting confident to get a rise out of him, the only other person that would talk to him in such a way was Polly. He let the smirk last on his lips, Rose’s eyes darted down a few times to look, but he kept silent, he was still insistent on playing a game.

‘And now you’re being quiet so I have to speak.’ Rose was started to get annoyed with the silence from Tommy, and decided to take things further. As she finished her words, which ended with a groan of frustration, she picked up a folder from the desk and reached to tap it lightly on Tommy’s arm. There was nothing harsh in the motion, it was Rose’s innocent way of letting out her irritation, and Tommy secretly enjoyed it. When the tap with the folder didn’t cause a rise from Tommy, Rose let out a huff.

‘You’re frustrating.’

‘But am I charming?’ Rose had wanted Tommy to speak, but what he eventually said wasn’t the words she was expecting to hear. She held his gaze and tried not to laugh, the situation was too bizarre to take seriously. Rose didn’t think she could keep a straight face long enough to give a decent answer, a smile was edging its way on her lips.

The tension was growing within the back office, a silence was held between them once again, but it wasn’t awkward. The tension had an edge to it, Tommy’s question had lingered unanswered, but both wanted to know what the true answer was. When Tommy had had enough of the silence, he cleared his throat and changed which leg he had crossed over.

‘Back to the appraisal.’ He started, cutting the tension. Rose relaxed, she didn’t know if Tommy would’ve insisted on an answer, but she thought the silence held between them held more answers to it than if she had spoken.

‘One thing you’d like to see change?’

Even though Tommy was acting serious again, back at playing his pretend game, Rose liked the way they were sparring beforehand. Sure, she had gotten frustrated at Tommy being cryptic, but it was fun to dig deeper in a side to him she hadn’t seen before.

Rose wanted to one up him, so played silly as well. ‘A raise would be lovely.’

Tommy knew that she was joking, but they were playing a game of wits, and he couldn’t miss an opportunity. He didn’t answer straight away, a pause between them left Rose wondering what he thought about her request, and he let his face go blank.

‘An extra pound it is then.’

The more time that passed, the less Rose thought it was a joke, and realised that Tommy was being serious. He hadn’t shifted the blank expression on his face, and she started to panic.

‘Tommy, I didn’t mean it.’

‘You’re a good worker, you can have a raise if you want one.’

‘I’m the accountant, I don’t have to put it in the books since I didn’t mean it.’ Rose didn’t like the tone Tommy had, his playful mood had gone, and she didn’t know what to do.

‘I’m the co-owner of Shelby Company Limited, I’ll approve of employee raises.’ The stare Tommy was giving was intense.

‘Tommy, I didn’t mean it.’ Rose’s voice sounded almost frantic, but Tommy didn’t seem to be affected by it.

‘Then why did you say it?’ Tommy’s brows furrowed, and Rose had to give in. It was like he was asking for a confession out of her.

‘Because I was teasing you.’ Just as Rose finished her admission, she caught a flicker of change in Tommy’s expression. She realised what he was doing, and dropped her head into her hands. As she groaned in frustration, Tommy let out a laugh, his serious demeanour was gone. Tommy had won, he was able to hold a straight face long enough to convince Rose that he was being truthful, and she had fallen for it all over again. Rose picked up the folder she had used before and poised it ready over Tommy’s arm. She wanted to get herself on his level, but Tommy gave her a knowing look.

‘If you hit me with that thing, you will be sacked.’

Rose knew it was another test, Tommy could’ve hidden anything under a serious tone, and she wanted to push the boundaries. They kept eye contact with one another, Tommy was glaring, but Rose wanted to do it, she wanted to go against what Tommy had told her. She let the folder down gently, it just brushed Tommy’s arm. Before Tommy could say anything, Rose recoiled her arm and put the folder back on the desk.

‘Right, if that’s my appraisal done, I’m actually very busy with the accounts for your business, so if you could,’ Rose gestured to the office door, motioning for Tommy to leave, ‘that would be wonderful.’

It was forward for Rose to talk to Tommy in such a way, and didn’t like the fact that he wasn’t affected by her words. Tommy stayed still in his seat, and again, there was another silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

‘I appreciate what you did for me the other night.’

Rose nodded her head, she was silently thankful that Tommy valued her enough to say it out loud. There was a reason to why Rose only nodded her head, and that was due to the secret she was keeping in the back of her mind, the one about her family. It was all well and good that Tommy was thankful for the favour, but Rose couldn’t help but think that her actions could’ve worked as a way to bargain with Tommy if he ever found out the truth. It was a shame to taint such an experience, but Rose had to think wisely about the future.

‘The raise will be awarded in appreciation for the favour.’

Rose wanted to roll her eyes, it was like Tommy to not back down. ‘I don’t want the raise.’

The firm tone of Rose’s voice had Tommy thinking, there couldn’t be a clearer hint if it had slapped him in the face. ‘Alright, I won’t fight you on it.’

‘Good.’ A smile appeared on Rose’s face, which furthered his good mood.

‘I’ll have to think about that one then.’ Just before Tommy started to think of ideas to pay Rose back, she cut him off.

‘Don’t let it bother you.’

Tommy wondered about the way Rose brushed him off. He thought that Rose was being selfless again, it was part of her nature to not ask anything in return of a good deed. If someone had done a favour for a Blinder, it was usual that it was noted and compensation was given. Rose had put herself on the line for him, and as Tommy got up from the desk he tried to think of what would be an appropriate gift for her.

Before he left, Tommy gave Rose one last look. She had gone back to writing in the book, but had looked over at him long enough to give him a smile. It was an image that would’ve lasted him the whole day.

When the door closed, Rose was left on her own, and an involuntary sigh of relief left her mouth. What had started out as playful conversation left Rose feeling guilty, she felt guilty for Tommy singing her praises, but knew it didn’t mean anything when her family were doing him over on the sly. She had just started to enjoy Tommy’s company, and she knew that he was enjoying hers too, but she couldn’t do anything or let it go anywhere. Rose’s family’s wrongdoings were affecting her personally, all in negative ways, and she knew that it wouldn’t be long until she couldn’t handle it anymore.

The good feelings she felt during her conversation with Tommy lasted in her mind as Rose finished her day. But with every thought, the fear crept in that Tommy may soon know about what her family had been up to, and that left a slithering feeling in her stomach, one that ruined any good memory she had gained of Tommy.

Rose wanted to do something selfish, she wanted to get out of her parents’ mess and be on her own, and feel like there was no reason to be guilty when Tommy was nice to her. The truth would be too risky to spill, Rose knew a time would come when it would be appropriate to tell Tommy, but she figured that he enough on his plate, especially with Black Star Day approaching.

The only option Rose could think of was to move out, to not be in the space where she could happen upon her family creating more mess for themselves. In her own place, Rose could keep herself safe, and eventually, may not be blamed for what had occurred due to her parents and uncle. It seemed like a good idea in her mind, she just had to see what her parents thought.

Henry and Mary had continued to act odd, Rose could only think that it was because of what was hanging over their heads. They acknowledged their daughter when it was good for their means, but in all other times, Rose was ignored. Rose was being treated like a member of the family, her parents wanted to keep her close for what may eventually happen, but weren’t prepared to show that they wanted her around.

Rose kept herself to her room until dinner was ready, each of them had said a hello, but neither her mother or father asked how her day had been, or anything normal a parent would ask their child. In a way, Rose was glad, she didn’t want to have to think of a lie to tell them, she didn’t fancy letting them know that Tommy had been to see her and was acting very friendly. When they started eating dinner, neither of them included her in their conversation, but to Rose, it was a normal occurrence.

A silence soon presented itself, Rose knew that it was the time for her to say something.

‘I’ve thought about moving out.’ It was barely audible, but the clinking of cutlery on plates wasn’t enough to drown her words.

Both Henry and Mary looked from their plates to Rose, hardly believing what she had just said. It was Henry who thought to speak up.

‘What? You can’t move out?’

Rose had had the time to think of any response like that. ‘I’m getting under your feet, and now I’m earning a good wage. I’m too old to be living at home.’

‘You haven’t been home that long.’ Mary bartered. Rose was confused, it was clear that the minimal time they had spent together as a family had made them think she hadn’t been home long.

‘Almost a year!’ Rose raised her voice slightly, which wasn’t planned, but she couldn’t help herself. Henry and Mary shared a look with one another, and words didn’t need to be said. It was clear that nothing was going to change, but Rose wanted to try.

‘I want to move out, I want to-’

‘You are not moving out.’ Henry said bluntly.

Instead of wallowing in the mood her father had set for them all, Rose immediately got up and left, leaving her dinner plate half full. Her parents didn’t think to call after her, they weren’t interested in Rose if she was in a bad mood, they thought they were doing the right thing. If Rose was in a bad mood, she’d usually go to her room, but in that moment, she couldn’t stand being in the same building as her parents, so headed down the stairs and out of the back door.

As Rose wandered through the streets that night, she cursed herself for forgetting her coat. Her cardigan wasn’t enough protection from the bitter air, and thought about where she was going quickly. There was Polly, she’d had been there many times in the past if Rose needed someone to talk to, but that was tempting fate. Tommy was too close to Polly, and she didn’t want to be near him since she knew she couldn’t have him. There was one other person that Rose thought of, but that also meant taking the path to Watery Lane. In the end, Rose decided to head that way, she needed some wise words to calm her down.

Rose took the back way, she didn’t want to be seen from the street, just in case Tommy was at a window. Ms Harding, like usual, was in her kitchen, and Rose opened up the unlocked back door to let herself in.

Ms Harding turned in her seat, not showing any emotion on her face. ‘It’s late, you know.’

‘I know.’ Rose breathed out. ‘I needed to get out of the house.’

‘Problems?’

Rose nodded her head, she didn’t need to say anymore for Ms Harding to get the message. The old woman got up out of her seat and offered it to Rose, and Rose was thankful for the fire warming her up after her walk. Ms Harding put the copper kettle on the hob and made them both tea, the tonic that always worked in rough times.

As Ms Harding made the tea, Rose watched her out of the corner of her eye. She hadn’t been asked any questions, Rose had so many problems brimming on the edge of her mind, but knew that she couldn’t say them out loud, the secrets were too detrimental to make known. Rose was grateful for Ms Harding not being nosy, it meant that she didn’t have to come up with some rubbish lie that would’ve been seen through anyway.

When Ms Harding set the tea down, they began taking sips in silence, the crackling of the fire was soothing in the calm evening, and Rose already felt her mind winding down.

‘None of my children speak to me anymore.’ Ms Harding said. The comment came out of the blue, and Rose looked over in surprise.

‘Oh, I didn’t know that.’

‘My son lives in Great Barr, on the other side of Birmingham, and my daughter moved to Coventry.’

Ms Harding spoke indifferently, and Rose was made curious by it. She had seen photos around the house before, but she had never asked questions about who the people were, and Ms Harding was never one to speak about such personal matters.

‘But both of those places aren’t that far.’ Rose wanted to sound polite, and knew that an old lady like Ms Harding would’ve had trouble getting to those places on her own.

‘I’ve told them that, but still. Small Heath isn’t big enough for them anymore.’

‘That’s sad.’ Rose whispered. As she sipped on her tea, an idea popped into her head, and she said it out loud rather than think it through. ‘I could take you, we could get a bus together to see them, and that would be my favour repaid.’

Rose spoke so enthusiastically, and she moved so quickly in her chair that her tea almost spilled out of her cup. To her, it seemed like a good idea, but she saw the way Ms Harding shook her head, and leant back in her chair, already admitting defeat.

‘No, they don’t want to see me.’

Ms Harding uncharacteristically lifted her head up as she spoke, and her voice went light. Rose didn’t want to look for too long, but wondered if it was because she felt emotional at having to say those words. Rose didn’t look in her direction long enough to notice that Ms Harding blinked back faint tears.

‘And about that favour you asked of me.’

The light tone of Ms Harding’s voice had disappeared, her usual sternness had come back. Rose slunk in her seat, and felt guilty all over again. ‘I am sorry, but it was urgent.’

‘Urgent?’

‘Yes,’ Rose wanted Ms Harding to believe her, even if that meant making her voice go light to seem more innocent. It was a silly trick, but one Rose thought to try. ‘Tommy came to me to say that he had to lie low, and I thought to help.’

‘Tommy came to you, eh?’ Ms Harding didn’t sound entirely convinced, and Rose kept that thought in mind.

‘I hope it’s because he trusts you, and not because he’s using you.’

Rose furrowed her brows, and looked to Ms Harding confused. ‘Why would Tommy use me?’

The concept seemed so bizarre to Rose. She knew he was a Blinder, and that business occurred in such ways that she didn’t understand, but she was sure that none of it went back to her. Rose tried to think back to everything Tommy had done for her, but none of it seemed like a red flag.

‘Rose, you’re a kind girl, and Tommy Shelby is not a kind man.’

Those words were cutting for Rose to hear, and for a second, she hated Ms Harding for saying them. The day she had had with Tommy had changed her mind about him, she had got to see a side to him that she didn’t know existed, and although it felt good, it had come with a price.

In the silence of the kitchen, Rose had time to think about everything. There were all the positives from Tommy, all of the good things he had done over the past couple of months. He had given her a decent job which she was thankful for. He had even said that she was selfless, something that baffled her to begin with, but knew it was an intended compliment. Tommy had seen her as a proper part of the company and invited her when they were presented with their legal betting licence, and then there was the trust. Rose had trusted Tommy enough to tell him about Grace, and then Tommy had trusted her enough to tell her about Black Star Day. The trust was something that led Rose’s feelings on, she liked that there was trust between them, it was something that linked to why she had cried after helping Tommy. The trust had turned into feelings, and with every day, those feelings were becoming more intense. Tommy had walked her home before, she had denied him of her deepest secret, but Rose thought that one day she would have the courage to let him know that part of her life.

As well as the positives, Rose had to think about the negatives. Ms Harding’s comment still had a pull on her thoughts, and she thought about how Tommy had asked if she had ever washed her face, which had affected her for a couple of days, and how he had taken Grace to the races instead of her. Those things hurt her, but she never let on that it had. Then when Rose was hired by Tommy, he had her running errands for him, such as going to Ada, which Rose thought was below her station. Rose remembered clearly that Tommy had told her she couldn’t save everyone, it was said in such a cruel way, Rose didn’t think that he had it in him. But ultimately, Tommy was a Peaky Blinder.

The Peaky Blinders used her family for their ends, but since her family were double-crossing Tommy, Rose didn’t know where she stood. Ms Harding admitting so plainly that Tommy was not a nice man made Rose’s stomach turn uncomfortably, and bad men would do horrible things to those who went against their trust. Her family was in danger, and with every passing day, Rose continued to fear what that danger would accumulate to, and if her surname would be in the firing line.

The fear was the over-riding feeling in Rose’s mind, but she couldn’t help herself. Tommy wasn’t just a Blinder, he wasn’t just her employer, he was a man who she was starting to develop feelings for. The word was hard to admit at first, but that word, love, was more prevalent than ever, and Rose didn’t know what to do with herself. She thought it unlikely that after everything had been exposed, Tommy would have the common sense to not give Rose the time of day, so the feeling of love upset her, she knew that it would only be short-term, and all for nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone !! I know this is a late update, and I'm thankful for everyone for being patient, but a lot has changed in the last week. I've just started uni, and it took me a long time to get used to everything, so with all the distractions I had no concentration on the story. From now on, the updates will be further apart, I'll have so much work to do that my writing won't be quick, so I hope everyone's ok with that.
> 
> I'd like to thank everyone who's supported All I Wanted so far, and know that it's not over just yet. The kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. XXX


	8. Part One | Black Star Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

Days kept moving for Rose, and she found that the dawn of a new day would lessen her worry about love. After her night at Ms Harding’s, the revelation of Tommy not being a nice man was firmly set in Rose’s mind, it had stirred something within her. The fear that she was supressing had come to boil, and that fear she felt from Tommy and what he’d do to her family was too much to bear. Rose knew that going back to Birmingham would’ve been a great change for her, but she didn’t realise that she’d feel so boxed in that she couldn’t even feel comfortable in her own home. The love had been suppressed, and the fear had risen in its place.

Rose couldn’t do anything to avoid going to work, or Watery Lane, but there was a slight fear in doing so. She had to work her job, she had to see Ms Harding, and Polly had become her friend, they weren’t things she could start escaping. Suspicions would arise because of it, and Rose thought that her family’s situation would’ve been found out quicker if she decided to drop off the map.

Still feeling like she was in a cage, Rose forced herself to get out of bed every morning, rising just after the dawn even though her shift started hours later. Her reasoning was that if she rose early, by the time she got back from her late shift, there wouldn’t be much time to think about anything but sleep, and sleeping meant problems were put on hold for a few hours whilst she was unconscious to the world.

Once again, like all the morning’s previous, Rose hoisted her weary body out of bed and headed to the wash basin. She wiped the cloth over her face in an attempt to revitalise her vision, but the thought of another day dragging on kept her mood low, despite the efforts in trying to change it. When Rose was dressed, she spent the few hours before her shift tidying her room. A normal person would’ve found it tidy already, but Rose managed to find little things that meant she could keep busy. She made sure that her blankets were tight on the bed, there wasn’t a crease in sight, and her pillows had been plumped within an inch of their lives. Her hairbrush was sat straight on her dresses, perfectly aligned with the edge of the wood, it was little details like that which kept Rose’s brain active during the sluggish hours of the morning. A change in her routine came in the form of a knock at her bedroom door. Rose didn’t waste any time in wondering who it was, and stepped forward to open her door.

‘A letter for you.’ Mary spoke in a deadpan voice, and held out a small envelope to Rose. Without a word, not even a thank you, Rose took it and shut her door. It wasn’t like Rose to forget her pleasantries, but she had given up with anything close to politeness with her parents, she knew that she’d be wasting her breath in doing so.

With the door shut and Rose back in the comfort of her own privacy, she looked over the letter. There wasn’t a stamp on it, and the address on the front had been hastily scribbled. Rose tore the envelope open and took out the folded paper. It was hardly a letter, more of a note, with a brief set of instructions written on it.

_Come to Watery Lane as soon as you receive this. Polly._

The instructions were simply enough, but Rose couldn’t help but feel as if it was tempting fate. The thought of being around the Shelby household made her feel slightly uncomfortable, but the note made it seem that whatever the problem was, it was an urgent one. A terrible thought crossed Rose’s mind, she thought that everything had been found out all of a sudden, that Polly had written her a letter, but Tommy was the one behind it. He wanted her to go to the house so he could reveal that everything had come to light.

Against all her better judgement, Rose put her coat on and grabbed her bag, she left the house with her stomach in knots and headed to Watery Lane. Even though nothing had happened yet, tears had begun to form in her eyes, but Rose put it down to the cold wind whipping at her face. Without embarrassment, she wiped at her eyes and cleared her face of tears, she reasoned with herself to not assume anything bad was going to happen, there was no reason for Polly to know anything. Rose couldn’t help but to sub-consciously hold her breath as she walked the pavement on Watery Lane, the front door was coming closer with every step.

Polly was the one who opened the door, and there was a very obvious smile on her lips. The breath Rose had been holding was released, and she felt herself smile as well.

‘Come in, love.’

Rose did as she was told and walked through the threshold of the door and noticed the bassinet in the middle of the room. For a second, Rose had no idea why there was such a thing in the room, but when Ada appeared from the kitchen, it all made sense.

‘You’re here?’ Rose said, surprised at Ada’s presence.

‘I am. I had enough of that pit of a flat.’

Although Rose had been feeling worried about turning up at the house, the sight of seeing Ada, looking much better than she did when Rose had last seen her, made the trip worthwhile. The bags under her eyes weren’t so prominent like before, and it seemed that the smile on her lips wasn’t forced or fake, it was a genuine display of happiness.

‘I had enough of it as well.’ Polly said. Karl’s crying interrupted the three women, and Polly went over to see to him. Both Rose and Ada watched as Polly picked him up.

‘You’re much better with him than I am.’ Ada said, her arms crossed over her chest. Polly started walking slowly around the room, keeping Karl close. Soon, the cries stopped, and there was intermittent silence in the room.

‘He settles quicker with me because he can’t smell the milk.’ Polly smiled. She looked back down to Karl with a soft smile. ‘You look tired. Let’s put him down.’

As Polly was placing Karl back in his bassinet, Ada and Rose walked up to see him settling down, he was no longer crying for attention and looked so peaceful against the soft, white cotton of his cot.

‘Mine were terrors for the tit.’ Polly said. Rose lifted her head suddenly and looked over to Polly. The comment had been so blasé, just a sharing of experience, but Rose had no idea Polly had had children.

Polly’s head was still bent down as she continued. ‘Both of them. Well, you never knew my children, did you?’

Polly’s question was directed to Ada, and they looked at one another. It was clear that Ada knew what Polly was talking about, but Rose was still none the wiser.

‘I was a child myself then. You never talk about them.’ Ada said softly. Rose continued to stare at Polly, wondering whether she would be allowed to ask questions.

‘Never had a reason to.’ Polly said. She went from looking down at Karl to meet Rose’s gaze, and words were spoken through just a look.

‘Ada knows.’ Rose said, taking a guess at what Polly was trying to convey in her look. ‘You both know about my child.’

The words weren’t said with sadness, but conformation that Posey had existed, and was being thought about by more than one person in that moment. Rose looked to Polly with a light look, and she couldn’t help herself but give an encouraging smile to her.

All the thoughts Rose had had about Watery Lane that morning were gone, she was in the moment, with Polly in front of her with a story to tell, and Rose wanted nothing more than to reassure her in telling it. All the women in that room had a story about a child they had birthed, some happier than others, and Rose wanted Polly to know that anything she was prepared to say would be welcome with respect, just she Polly had done for her months prior.

Polly had said that she never had a reason to talk about her children, but looking into the hopeful eyes of Rose changed that thought.

‘My heart breaks even when I think about them.’ Polly started, and she walked away from the bassinet.

‘But today, I do have reason to.’ She said. ‘Sit down, Ada, Rose.’

Ada and Rose looked at one another for a brief second, but did as they were told. Karl was sleeping in his cot, so they sat side by side of the sofa, looking at Polly and waiting for her explanation.

‘They were three and five years old. Sally was three, Michael was five. Two weeks away from being six.’ Polly paused for a moment, Rose and Ada didn’t break their concentration from her.

‘It was Sunday morning, I was at church. ‘You’re not forgiven’ this pinch-faced bitch said to me, ‘you’re not forgiven’. You see, some sheets I washed and hung on the line had the name of a hotel on them. They’d been stolen in a robbery, and they said some porter had been coshed. And the woman from round here told the police about the sheets – jealous, you see, of the new sheets.’

Rose couldn’t help but think this story had only one kind of ending, and she pushed her fingernails into the palm of her hand in anticipation.

‘And when the police came, they found a spirit still for making a few drops of gin.’ Polly paused again, her eyes flickered wildly as she prepared herself to speak up again, and Rose felt her breath catch in her throat.

‘And for that,’ Polly started, her words caught onto the tears that started forming in her eyes, and her face crumpled, ‘they took my children from me.’

Through silent gasps of breath, Polly carried on. ‘And they never told me where they took them. And they did it because they could, because I was weak. But they will never take your baby away from you.’

Polly wiped away at her face, and Rose looked towards Ada, the one who was being addressed.

‘Do you know why?’

Rose looked back to hear Polly’s answer.

‘Because Tommy won’t let them. Because Tommy won’t let them walk all over us.’ Whereas before Polly’s voice had been uneasy with tears, her tone returned to its normal strength as she delivered her words.

‘Now it is Tommy that has brought strength and power to this family. Because he knows … you have to be as bad as them above in order to survive.’

Ada looked away in frustrated thought, but Rose kept her gaze solely on Polly. The comment reminded Rose of what Ms Harding had said before, about Tommy not being a nice man, and it seemed to only be confirmed by Polly herself. She was explicitly saying that Tommy was as bad as others, as bad as others who would think to take children away from their mother’s. It didn’t soothe Rose knowing that Tommy was on the other side of that situation, that he was fighting for his family, simply because she knew she wasn’t family. Her stomach tightened in knots, the warnings were as clear as day.

‘I’m telling you this because I want you to forgive him.’

‘How can I?’ Ada said. ‘When my Freddie’s rotting in jail because of him.’

‘There’s something about today you need to know, both of you.’ Polly finally looked towards Rose, and she didn’t pick up on the ghostly look she wore on her features.

‘What’s happening today?’ Rose asked.

‘December 3rd, Rose, Tommy’s been planning this one for a long while.’

Rose couldn’t believe herself, it was Black Star Day, Tommy had confided in Rose first about that day, and it had arrived without her notice.

As Polly told Ada about what Tommy had planned, Rose couldn’t focus. The fear that was creeping inside of her that morning was giving her a headache, and she felt that it had to be down to her own actions to deal with it.

Rose was done with ignoring her parents. It was like a switch had be turned on inside her, she was tired of her parents skirting around the truth of what they were doing, she wanted to know their exact thoughts. If they were going to be targeted by Tommy in the near future, Rose wanted to know everything, mostly so she could prepare herself, and know how to protect her family in the eventuality of it.

The feeling of confronting her parents was making Rose feel on edge, she couldn’t linger in the house for much longer or she would’ve lost her courage. She hadn’t listened much to what Polly was saying, her thoughts would trail off into what she was going to say to her parents.

Just as Polly had convinced Ada to forgive Tommy, there was a sound of a door opening. It wasn’t the front door to the house, the sound was slightly distant, it was then followed by the rumbling of voices.

‘That’s Tommy back. You can stay in here, Ada.’ Polly said, and stood up to join the rest of the people who had made themselves known on the main floor.

Rose took that as her cue to leave, and didn’t think twice about not going with Polly to see the rest of them. Knowing that Tommy was just in the room over gave Rose chills, the fear had come back and she needed to get out.

Just as Rose had put her coat on, Polly came up to her side and put a hand on her arm. There was a confused look on her face.

‘You’re part of the company, you can stay.’ Polly thought that Rose felt unwelcomed, so she had to reassure her that she had as much right to be in the meeting as she did.

The adrenaline pumping around Rose’s body made her act quickly, and she shook her head. ‘No, I need to go home. Tell Tommy I’ll be at the pub a little later.’

There was a strength in Rose’s voice, but when she looked to see Polly’s reaction, the strength disappeared. The knowing look Polly was giving her was too concerning, and Rose did her best to ignore it.

‘Rose.’ The tone of voice had Rose on edge, and there was a split second where Rose almost let the words passed her lips, the look Polly was giving her was so intense. However, Polly wasn’t to be the first to know what her family had been up to, and no one was to know anything until Rose had gotten all the answers. She kept her mouth shut as she gave one last look to Polly, and headed out the front door.

Rose’s footsteps were quick, they were taken with a purpose, there was no fear in the thought of approaching her parents that morning. They had no clue what was going to happen, and Rose thought she was in favour of catching them off guard. There were several scenarios Rose thought of to start her interrogation, but as she walked up to her front door, she had forgotten all of them.

The bell rang out as she opened the front door, and her mother was sat at the front desk. Mary had only looked up to see that it was Rose, then returned to writing in the book sat open on the desk. Getting ignored was something Rose would just accept on a usual day, but that day was different.

‘We need to talk.’

Mary was caught off guard by Rose’s harsh voice, it was enough to make her look up from the books and pay attention. Before Mary could say something in retaliation, Rose spoke again.

‘In the back room, get dad.’ Rose had started walking to the door, the room was always off limits, but she was going to use it for herself that morning. She wondered if using the room would’ve jogged her parents’ memory, they had used it for talking to her uncle Robert a few times before.

Rose sat herself on the armchair, the one she knew her father used. There was a sofa just adjacent to it, and although it was empty at the time, Rose’s heart fluttered at the thought of her parents sitting there in just a few moments.

Soon enough, Henry and Mary walked into the room, giving uncertain looks to their daughter. Rose could only imagine what was going on in their minds, but didn’t want to give them enough of a chance to talk. Just as they sat down, she composed herself, and began to speak.

‘I want to know exactly what’s going on,’ Rose started, and she took in the expressions her parents gave, but knew to carry on, ‘not some pathetic attempt at what you think I should know. You’ve worked for the Blinder’s for years, but now you’re betraying them. I want to know what game you think you’re playing.’

Rose had never dreamed in talking to her parents in such a manner, but it had caused the right reaction from them, so she knew it was necessary. Both of them took a look to one another, as if confirming that they had both heard the same thing, then looked back to Rose.

‘How do you know-’

‘It doesn’t matter how I know.’ Rose interrupted her father with a terse voice. ‘The point is that I do know, and I think that it’s my right to understand what you and uncle Robert have been up to.’

‘Has Thomas said anything?’

‘Are you expecting him to say something?’

Both Henry and Mary looked to one another again, more worried than before. Rose knew she was getting somewhere, and decided to press on.

‘Tell me when it started, with the IRA man.’

Mary swallowed thickly at the mention of the IRA man, and Henry took charge of the explanation.

‘It was the Inspector from Ireland-’

‘Campbell.’ Rose filled in. It made Henry’s eyes go wide for a moment, they weren’t expecting Rose to know so much, but Rose knew that catching them short with information would make her insistence about the truth taken seriously.

‘Yes, well, he approached your uncle Robert the first time with money, Robert felt that he had no choice but to do as the Inspector said.’

‘So, you accepted work from the police, which went against the trust you put in Tommy. Pure corruption, really.’

‘Don’t talk to us about corruption, we’re not the ones at the top, we’re just doing our bit to get by. You have no idea what we’ve seen, or the people we deal with, you can’t imagine.’ Mary seethed, glaring madly at Rose, but it wasn’t causing the desired effect.

‘The Shelby’s.’ Rose stated.

‘The Blinder’s.’ Henry corrected. It was his way of separating the feeling of betrayal, they weren’t betraying a family, the reasoned that they were betraying a criminal gang.

‘And then you had to get a job at the Garrison.’

Rose shook her head. ‘Me getting a job was what we all wanted.’

‘But not with them.’ Mary spat.

Rose could tell that the conversation was coming to a standstill, and she didn’t want her parents to get the upper hand.

‘You never know, if all this comes out, I might be the one to butter Tommy up, so that nobody ends up in the cut.’ Rose was quoting her father from a conversation she had overheard, and the words triggered them back to staring at Rose, they had no idea of the wealth of information she seemingly had.

‘Rose … we …’

‘What? Tried to think of my best interest first? Thought about others before yourselves?’ Rose sounded exasperated.

‘It’s not just you in this family.’

‘No, but it seems that I’m the one who’s going to be in the firing line when all of this comes out, since I’m the one Tommy has contact with.’

Henry and Mary bowed their heads, Rose had never seen them looking so hard done by, it looked as if they were out of options at every angle.

‘Do you think everything will come out?’ Rose asked. It was the first time she had let her voice waver, the thought of knowing that she’d be affected worried her.

Henry looked at Rose with a disturbing look. Whereas usually he’d be so plain or harsh, his eyebrows were raised and worry was etched onto his face, and Rose didn’t like it.

‘We’re worried about the Inspector,’ Henry paused for a moment, ‘and you.’

Rose’s recoiled in surprise. ‘Me?’

‘He told Robert that he knew about you, and he knows you work in the Garrison.’ Mary’s voice was croaking, worry seemed to be burdening both of them.

‘What’s this got to do with me? I’m not the one who double-crossed Tommy to do the police’s dirty work.’

‘Yes, but you’re the link.’ Henry stated, as if it was plain as day. Rose was confused, but didn’t have to wait long to find out what her father meant.

‘The direct link between Tommy and us, you’ve got one foot in the Alexander family, and another in the Shelby family, and Campbell knows this.’ Henry explained. ‘We’re thinking that because you have a relationship with Tommy, there will be enough empathy in his mind to not take revenge on our name. You being the link is unfortunate, but it may end up working for the better.’

Rose ignored her father’s last comment, and thought more about Tommy’s involvement. ‘How would Tommy find out?’

Henry sighed and scratched the back of his neck. ‘The Inspector never makes promises about the secret. We can’t carry on knowing that it’s safe and wrapped up, we have to assume that it’ll come out eventually.’

‘But what if Tommy doesn’t have empathy?’ Rose had Ms Harding’s voice ringing in her mind, Tommy wasn’t a nice man, and Rose doubted that he was someone who experienced much empathy. ‘He’ll think that I had something to do with it.

’ Rose couldn’t believe what she was hearing, she didn’t realise that her parents could be so stupid and complacent. She watched with wide eyes as her parents took another look at one another, seemingly caught short at Rose’s alternative.

‘We didn’t think that far ahead.’ Mary whispered. Her body was hunched down and close to Henry’s, she looked small in her admission. ‘We didn’t-’

‘You’re both so selfish.’ Rose said. She bore her gaze into her parents, daring them to challenge her to prove her wrong. ‘What if I had no idea about it, and Tommy approached me with his cap in his hands?’

Although it was a stretch to think that Tommy would cut her with razors, she had to instil the harsh reality of just what the Blinder’s did to those who betrayed their trust.

‘You’d have to get uncle Robert to sign off my death as an accident, just like the ones you did for the Inspector, because you sure as shit won’t accuse Thomas Shelby of murder. Cowards like you don’t accuse men like Tommy.’

The terse and almost violent way of Rose explaining herself shocked her as well as her parents. To think that Tommy would do such a thing scared her, even though she had just come up with it in her mind, and to know that she had to go to the Garrison to work at Tommy’s business made her body feel heavy.

Rose didn’t have the patience to listen to what her parents had to say next, they seemed to be at their wits end, and Rose had had enough. Since Rose was on the same level as her parents, it was just a waiting game to the day that Tommy found out the truth. Rose hoped that it wouldn’t be down to her, she knew that she was bad at lying, the stare that Tommy gave her at times echoed in her mind, and she wondered if that would be all that was needed for Rose to spill the truth. Being at work would’ve been the worst, she had to learn to keep her mouth shut for the benefit of herself, and for her family.

The idea of keeping her mouth shut for her family’s sake drew Rose’s stomach into knots, they had used her as a pawn in their own game, and she knew she’s end up being the one to sort everything out when the time came to it. Rose cursed her family for doing so, but knew that it was the right thing to do.

\-----

‘Men like us will always be alone.’

Tommy had wanted to wring Campbell’s neck, he had been acting so smug. It was just a chance in seeing Campbell in the Chinese Quarter that morning, and he had been keen to see him, but their cryptic conversation left Tommy feeling annoyed rather than satisfied.

Of course, the first thought Tommy had when Campbell made his comment was Rose. Tommy didn’t feel lonely when he had touched himself whilst thinking about Rose, but then he realised that when he had finished, he was truly alone. There wasn’t a part of him that wanted to believe it, whenever he was with Rose it felt like there was something between them, something more than friendship. However, Campbell’s comment had him second guessing, even though he didn’t want to be affected by the words of the Inspector.

The day was big, and Tommy’s brief encounter with Campbell hadn’t bothered him too much, his thoughts had changed as he made his way to Watery Lane. Once in the house and standing in front of the other Peaky Blinder’s, Tommy wasted no time in getting down to business.

‘Right. I’ve got you all here today because this is the day we replace Billy Kimber. This is the day we become respectable. The day we join the official National Association of Race Course Bookmakers.’ Tommy let a small smile grace his lips. ‘But first we do the dirty work. We’ve all known this day’s been coming. I just haven’t told anyone the date.’

It was a lie, only one person knew the date of Black Start Day, but Tommy had noticed that Rose wasn’t in the room. He encouraged her to turn up to such meetings, she was an employee of Shelby Company Limited after all, but there were only two women in that room, Polly and Esme.

Tommy didn’t worry about that fact for the moment, and turned and looked towards the blackboard. ‘We’re going to the Worchester races. The track opens at one, we’ll get there at two.’

Tommy turned back around to look at everyone. ‘Now, Kimber thinks we’re going there to help him fight the Lee brothers,’ Tommy looked to his left to see his younger brother, ‘but thanks to the efforts of our John, and his lovely new wife Esme, the Lees are now our kin. I interrupted those efforts this morning, and, er,’ laughter rang out in the room, ‘I can assure you all, John is making great sacrifices for the cause of peace.’

‘Yeah, alright.’ John mumbled, not finding the comment funny.

‘So, it’ll be us and the Lees against Kimber’s boys. We take them out but leave the bookies. I expect a swift victory which will send a signal all the way to London, that we believe in letting legitimate businesses run peacefully.’

‘And er,’ John started, ‘what about Kimber himself?’

‘I’ll deal with Kimber. Any other questions?’

A few in the room looked to one another to see if someone was going to pipe up, and it was Polly who did so.

‘Yes.’ She started walking to the back of the room, to the double green doors. ‘Does anyone object if I bring a newcomer to the meeting?’ No one had a chance to say anything, she opened the doors anyway.

For a moment, Tommy wondered if it was Rose, which would explain her absence. He watched as the doors opened, and Polly encouraged the person behind it to come through.

‘I’d like to introduce the newest member of the Shelby clan.’

It wasn’t Rose who walked through the door, but Ada, carrying her baby. Despite the disappointment in not seeing Rose, Tommy let himself smile at the sight of his younger sister. The others gave Ada a round of applause, but Tommy stopped himself before he started joining in.

‘Welcome home, Ada.’

Ada gave Tommy a brief nod, then addressed the others in the room. ‘We named him Karl, after Karl Marx.’

The room broke out into laughter again, with Arthur muttering, ‘Karl bloody Marx. Let me get a look at him.’

‘Oh, here we go.’ John joked, and Tommy looked over with a smile.

‘Hey, look.’ Arthur said. He had taken Karl from Ada’s arms and into his own, and had placed his cap on the baby’s head. ‘He looks just like me.’

‘That’s his arse looks like you, Arthur.’ John teased.

‘He’s alright. He’s a Shelby.’

A small smile remained on Tommy’s lips as he looked over to Ada. ‘Well, Ada? Am I forgiven?’

‘If what aunt Polly says is true, you are.’ There was still a look of scepticism on Ada’s face, so Tommy nodded gently.

‘It’s true.’

The sigh of relief from Ada had the same effect on Tommy, and he embraced his little sister.

‘Thank you, Tommy.’

Tommy was glad that the bad blood between him and Ada had been patched up, like he had said to Campbell that morning, Tommy had his family. Family didn’t always include blood, and there was a part of Tommy that wanted to include Rose into that group of people, however, he had no idea where she was, and once he patted Ada softly on the back, he went to seek out Polly.

Tommy didn’t care that it made him look obvious, his thoughts about Rose had moved on from being trivial, and he wasn’t worried about Polly knowing they were serious. He got Polly on her own, he was sceptical about others knowing so talked in a hushed tone.

‘Pol, where’s Rose?’ Tommy asked.

‘She went home, she said she’ll be at work later.’

That reply would’ve gone over Tommy’s head if it weren’t for the fact that he knew every look Polly pulled. It wasn’t a blasé response, there was something else to it that concerned him.

‘Polly.’ Tommy wanted more than just what Polly had said, and gave her a knowing look.

‘You’ll have to ask her what’s wrong, she didn’t tell me.’

Polly walked away after she had spoken, and Tommy’s gaze bore into the back of her head. Tommy wasn’t aware that something was wrong with Rose, the last time he had spoken to her was when he had given her the pretend appraisal, and nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary then. It was usually Polly who Rose went to if there was a problem, Tommy had become used to that, but since Polly was none the wiser, he couldn’t help but feel concerned. He had tried to get his thoughts on track beforehand, but once again, they were disrupted.

Tommy had to keep to the plan of the day, however, and thought that since going to the Garrison was part of his plan, he’d be able to see Rose when she turned up for her shift. Tommy kept quiet when he walked into the Garrison, it was only Harry who was behind the bar. Grace wasn’t around, she had begun to skip shifts, which Tommy knew he had to bring up eventually, but he wasn’t too concerned at that moment.

Everyone was crowded in front of the counter, and Tommy managed to get a word in before they went mental.

‘Alright lads, listen up. You have a pint and a chaser, no more. On the house.’ Tommy even went behind the bar, since everyone had taken their seats and were waiting for a drink. Harry was behind the bar and serving the lads as well, but the sound of the door opening on Tommy’s left made him look up.

None of the others had noticed Rose come in, their backs were facing her, but Tommy couldn’t keep his eyes off her. Through the loud rumblings of the other Blinders, Tommy called over to Rose.

‘Behind the bar, Rose, we need a hand.’

Rose had only looked to Tommy once when she had walked into the Garrison, and tried to make her way to the back office unnoticed, but she stopped dead in her tracks when Tommy addressed her.

‘Alright, I’ll put my coat down.’

Rose tore her gaze from Tommy and headed back to the office. With her eyes on the door, she didn’t notice how Tommy’s eyes lingered on her retreating body. Tommy noticed the look Polly had given him not fifteen minutes earlier, and he recognised something in Rose’s expression as well. She had tried to hide it with a light voice, but Tommy was clever enough to pick up on hidden messages.

Instead of waiting to when Rose came back out, Tommy thought that it was best to get her alone to understand what the problem was. As he walked out from behind the bar and across the floor, John shouted to him.

‘Tommy, we need more mild!’

‘Just help yourselves.’ Tommy shouted back, and he opened the door to the back office. Like Rose had said, she was putting her coat away, but didn’t turn around when the door closed. To get her attention, Tommy spoke first.

‘Grace didn’t turn up again.’ The sound of words was enough for Rose to finally turn around, and Tommy noticed how sunken her face was.

‘Is everything alright?’

Rose did everything to not look Tommy directly in the eye. Instead of replying, she only nodded her head, but she was a terrible liar. Rose could feel Tommy’s gaze on her, and the urge to cry was palpable. The information that Rose had learnt from her parents was brimming in her mind, and she knew how convincing Tommy could be at times, she was scared that she’d say something she would regret.

To act like nothing was wrong, Rose took a deep breath and look up, ignoring how Tommy’s blue eyes melted her.

‘Do you have the enclosure tickets? And the register of the bookkeepers on the track?’

There was a wavering in Rose’s voice, one that she tried to push aside, but it was clearly picked up by Tommy. Like she had done, Tommy just nodded in agreement, but his eyes went soft, it was like he was saying something without moving his mouth, and Rose took the bait.

In an attempt to stop herself, Rose looked away from Tommy, but her breath caught in her throat and her face crumpled. It was her feelings coming to a boil, the breakdown was long overdue, and Rose thought that she couldn’t have been in worse company.

‘Hey.’ Tommy said softly, and stepped forward. He put his hands on Rose’s arms, holding her gently to try and comfort her, and it seemed to work, as Rose composed herself quickly. It was stupid of her to let go of such a strong emotion, and she hated herself for it.

‘What is it?’ Tommy’s voice remained soft, it was unusual to hear. In any other situation, Rose would’ve appreciated the comforting way Tommy was talking to her, but the secret she was hiding involved him, and Rose’s stomach twisted at the thought.

‘I can’t say,’ Rose whispered, keeping her head down, ‘but … I think I need to leave work.’

‘You want to quit?’ Tommy’s head recoiled in shock, that wasn’t the situation he thought Rose had a problem with. Immediately, Tommy wanted to convince her not to go, he didn’t have time to think that it was selfish of him to think like that.

‘I’m sorry, Tommy.’ Rose’s head stayed low, she couldn’t bring herself to look Tommy directly in the eyes, she didn’t want to see how disappointed he looked.

‘When I get back, we can talk.’ There was a terseness in Tommy’s voice, one that caught Rose off guard. Tommy wasn’t taking her admission lightly, as soon as she had said she wanted to leave, his concern for her rose, and he felt responsible for it.

‘Tommy … I … I …’

Rose’s poor attempt of trying to lie fell on deaf ears, and Tommy lowered his body down to look at Rose on her level. His hands were still holding onto her arms, as if he was holding her in place, and she couldn’t physically leave the Garrison.

‘Rose, I’m not saying this in a pretence, you’re my best employee.’ Tommy started. He looked into Rose’s sad eyes and tried to reason with her. ‘I rely on you, and when I get back here tonight, I will have one of the biggest legal racetrack syndicates in the country. I want you to be a part of that.’

They were words that hurt to hear, Rose didn’t want Tommy to act nice, she didn’t want to be a part of something with him if it wasn’t going to last long. She didn’t know how long it would be until the truth came out, and the fear of that unknown made her feel weak. There was a part of her that wanted to be the master of her family’s downfall, she wanted to be the one to break the secret to Tommy. That way he would shout and scream at her to get out of the pub, to not been seen again, and that would help in her getting over the feelings of love she felt for him.

‘Something’s happened.’

Rose was ready to tell him, she wanted Tommy to give her a reason to go, and she saw how the words sunk in. Tommy’s eyes had been bright and clear with reasoning, but as she threw a spanner in the works, his brows creased slightly, and he pulled his head back an inch, as if evaluating her wholly.

There wasn’t time for Tommy to ask any questions, as the door to the office opened suddenly. Tommy was quick in taking his hands off of Rose to turn to Arthur and Jeremiah, who entered the room with solemn looks on their faces.

‘Right, tell him what you just told me.’ Arthur said harshly, looking directly at Tommy. Both Tommy and Rose looked over to Jeremiah, and waited for the explanation.

‘Just heard there’s two vans driving up the Stratford Road. An old corporal of mine said he recognised some of the men. He said it’s Kimber boys, and they’re heading this way.’

Everyone had their eyes on Tommy, wondering what his reaction would be to that news, but like usual, Tommy never gave anything away. Arthur and Jeremiah were ushered out of the room, they were to tell the others about the Kimber boy’s oncoming, and Tommy walked over to the coat stand to grab Rose’s coat, the one she had just hung up.

‘We’re going to Watery Lane, you’re not staying here.’

‘Tommy, I-’

‘Not the time, Rose. Come on.’

Rose wasn’t given a choice about following Tommy, so she took the coat from his hands without giving any sort of acknowledgement, and followed him out of the Garrison.

As she walked by Tommy’s side, she couldn’t help but feel that the moment had been lost, she had been so close to telling him the secret, he wouldn’t have given her the time of day if he had found out, let alone feel concerned about her welfare. It wasn’t like before when they had walked side by side, Rose didn’t like the feeling of Tommy’s body so close to hers, she didn’t think it was right that she was being giving his attention and protection. There were times when they were swiftly walking to Watery Lane that Rose wanted to stop and walk in the other direction, and if Tommy started shouting after her, she would pick up her feet and start running. To be brought back to the house was painful, to be in Tommy’s property felt wrong, but she kept her mouth shut.

Tommy gave sly looks to Rose on their way back, her head was bowed so she never caught on to what he was doing. The conversation in the back office had frustrated him, he didn’t want to leave when they had to sort out another problem, but he knew Rose had to be put to the side for a moment. First, she had cried, Tommy didn’t like seeing tears fall from her eyes, but thought not to smother her in trying to make them stop. But then she had said, ‘something’s happened’, and those words kept repeating over and over in his mind. Tommy didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, but he was desperate to know what had happened to make her so upset.

Tommy swung open the door on Watery Lane, and Rose followed him inside, trying to keep out of his way as his movements began to get erratic.

‘Ada, wake up.’

Ada had been asleep in a chair in the front room, the slam of the door had done enough in waking her up in the first place.

‘You and the baby get into the Bull Ring, where there’s lots of people.’

Ada stood up and Polly entered the room, having been disturbed by the loud front door.

‘What’s going on?’

‘We’ve been fucking betrayed.’ Tommy said, running a hand through his hair. Rose had never seen him so distressed, she kept her back to the wall and remained silent. ‘Someone let slip, Kimber’s men are on their way here.’

‘Yeah, but you can handle them, Tommy?’ Polly asked, wide eyed.

‘It’s just us. All the Lees are on their way to Worcester, we’re outnumbered. Fuck!’

Tommy had been pacing the small space of carpet as he spoke, but slammed his hands on the fireplace in frustration so loudly that it made Rose jump. She had been quiet since she entered the house, it was like she wasn’t even there. She looked from Tommy to Polly as she started speaking again.

‘Who else knew today was the day you were moving on Kimber? You said you kept it a secret. Who else did you tell?’

It was the first time Rose knew what was going on, her mouth parted in shock and her breath hitched in her throat. It was as if time moved in slow motion, she looked from a blank space on the wall to Tommy, who was pointedly looking over his shoulder at her. Tommy was glowering at Rose, but kept his mouth shut, once he caught sight of her he knew that they were thinking the same thing, but Rose was the one to actually say it out loud.

‘Grace.’

Before Rose had spoken, Polly thought that it was Rose who had said something, she saw the way Tommy was glaring at her and assumed she was the culprit. Rose was written off as soon as she spoke, and Polly felt anger boil in her blood.

‘That bloody barmaid.’ Polly spat. ‘I’ll deal with Grace. If you set eyes on her again, you might kill her.’

Polly was addressing Tommy, but he had turned his body back to face the fireplace, letting the betrayal wash over him. Polly got Ada and Karl out of the house in just a few seconds, leaving Rose to deal with Tommy’s anger.

Tommy wanted to calm down before talking to Rose, he couldn’t let go of the fireplace for a few moments his grip was so tight, but that was better than letting go and punching the wall. He let his chest expand, then fall, deep breaths were calming him down somewhat, and he felt ready to turn around.

Rose was still at the side of the room, her eyes flicked from Tommy’s to anything else, she didn’t know how angry Tommy was and she didn’t know how he dealt with his anger. The silence between them made Rose feel uncomfortable, and she felt that she needed to say something.

‘She must’ve seen the diary.’

Tommy stared at Rose from across the room as she spoke, giving her the time to say what both of them were thinking.

‘She walked in when we were talking about it.’

Tommy nodded slowly, he could remember that day as well, the way Grace had slithered herself into the room when he was sharing something private with Rose, under the pretence bringing a cup of tea. He had stared squarely at the back of her head, knowing that something wasn’t right. Then he thought back to when Rose had come to him, all those months before, so bothered by the way Grace had asked questions that she needed to tell him. Tommy looked over at Rose, he realised that he should’ve trusted her more in those times. She had already shown herself to be loyal, she was the one that had found him refuge the night Campbell was looking for him, she had been there, giving him all the signs and it was his fault for not taking her seriously.

‘You were right, and I didn’t do anything.’

To Rose, Tommy sounded annoyed at admitting he was wrong about something. It wasn’t like Tommy to openly admit a mistake, but since it was just the two of them in the room, Tommy felt comfortable in doing so. He almost wanted to laugh, Rose had outsmarted him before he had realised what was wrong.

Rose thought about the other times Grace had made herself look suspicious, and the blaring memory in mind was when she discussed the grave plot that was used to stage a death. Arthur hadn’t worried about who was listening in then, and soon enough, Grace was asking questions. Rose was about to mention it to Tommy, but remembered that her family were involved in that plan. The plan went too far deep for Rose to understand, she didn’t want to say anything with Tommy just about to see Kimber, so closed her mouth.

Tommy was watching Rose in deep thought, it was clear that her mind was elsewhere since she hadn’t noticed that he was staring. He watched as her mouth opened slightly and she took a breath, but then her face gave up, and whatever she was about to say never came to fruition.

There was a thought that came to the front of Tommy’s mind, but the front door swung open before he could say anything.

‘Tommy, time to go.’ It was John, he was out of breath and had clearly ran to the house. Tommy didn’t hesitate to linger the front room, he crossed the floor and went to leave, but paused. Rose was watching Tommy leave, she did have a reason to keep him at the house, it wasn’t as if she was going to tell him the secret at that moment in time.

‘Rose.’ Tommy said. Rose waited silently for Tommy to talk, she saw him swallow thickly. ‘This will sort itself out. Stay here, and when I get back, we’ll talk.’

They were meant to be words to reassure Rose, but the thought of talking to Tommy made her stomach knot. She didn’t get a chance to say she didn’t want to talk, Tommy shut the door behind him and left Rose alone in the house.

Tommy had to rally his men, it was like the old days during the war, he assembled his men to prepare for a fight. It wasn’t the plan Tommy had had for that day, and everything was made up on the spot, but Tommy knew what to say to prepare the Blinders for action.

‘We’ve about ten minutes. Make your peace with whoever.’

The crowd around Tommy dispersed, and Tommy thought about going back to Watery Lane to see Rose. He stopped himself when he remembered that he said he’d see Rose when everything was over, and although he wanted to see her at that moment, Tommy thought that it’d be sweeter to see Rose once the events had unfolded. That was assuming the day would end up in his favour, and thinking that he wouldn’t end out on top had Tommy wanting to turn around and see Rose one last time.

Instead of going with his heart, Tommy went with his head and walked into the Garrison. The pub was empty when he walked in, but Tommy heard movement from the back office. For a quick moment, Tommy thought it was Rose, he had become accustomed for her to be in that room, but knew that to be impossible. He walked behind the bar and helped himself to a drink, he needed to calm his nerves down fast. Just as he began pouring himself a drink, the door to the back office opened, and Harry walked out. Neither said nothing, and Harry walked up to the bar with his hands in his pocket.

‘Grace’s gone, left her resignation.’ Harry reached into the pocket of his apron and put the envelope on the counter. Tommy pretended it wasn’t there and took a cigarette out of the carton. As he lit the match, Harry carried on talking.

‘And Kimber’s coming for you. You’re not accustomed to not getting what you want, are you Tommy?’

Tommy looked around the pub, anywhere but Harry, and took a drag from the cigarette. He thought he might’ve found peace at the Garrison, but clearly not, as Harry couldn’t tell when there was a bad time to talk.

‘You wanted my pub and you took it.’

Tommy blinked slowly, and finally looked over to Harry. Instead of saying something, he turned to grab a clean glass of the shelf and placed it in front of Harry, ignoring the obvious look he gave to the action.

‘You got a fair price.’ Tommy said, pouring the whiskey into the glass.

‘What I got was an ultimatum, like you give to everybody. Do it, or else. And yet, it’s funny.’ Harry said, an unbelieving look plastered on his face, he leant his arms on the counter to reach Tommy’s level.

‘Everybody round here, they want you to win this battle. I think what it is, you’re bad men, but you’re our bad men.’

There was a piece of truth in what Harry was saying, but Tommy wasn’t going to be the one to tell him that. There was a part of Tommy that didn’t care what everyone in Small Heath thought, if he had business, it was his business, so what if it happened on their doorstep. Tommy had built the Blinder’s up to be respected, he didn’t have time to worry about what everyone thought. But then there was the side where he cared what people thought about him, even if he could count those people on his fingers.

Tommy was finding that he would be brought to think about Rose in several situations, and he wondered if Rose thought he was a bad man. It would’ve been naive of Tommy to assume that Rose wasn’t that smart to realise what kind of work he got up to, but he wanted to know if she thought he was bad, or if she was able to reason the things he did with morality.

‘Will you go looking for Grace?’

Tommy was cut from his thoughts, he looked over to meet Harry’s gaze.

‘She’s in the past, the past is not my concern. The future is no longer my concern either.’

‘What is your concern, Tommy?’ Harry asked, almost mocking Tommy in the way he was talking. Tommy took no notice and grabbed his watch from his blazer pocket.

‘The one minute.’

That minute of everything all at once, the minute was a time to put things into perspective. Tommy knew that it was a time of realisation, that minute was enough to know what he wanted, and through everything in his mind, it all came down to Rose. Knowing what he wanted in that minute was enough of a realisation to know what he wanted for his future. Grace was no longer in his future, she had gone, but Rose was still there. But Tommy didn’t know if Rose would be there for much longer, she had said that she wanted to leave, Tommy hadn’t given her enough time to ask why she wanted to go. That minute was to realise that Rose had to be in his future, and he had to know what was troubling her. Tommy didn’t regret not going to see Rose for the last ten minutes, since that time away was a tonic for him, for once in his life he could be sure about a path, and to know that he was going to see her soon would make the worry of seeing Kimber worthwhile.

\-----

Inspector Campbell was sat in his office, diligently getting on with the day’s work, but knowing that the Blinder’s were facing Kimber kept his mood light. Sergeant Moss had come in several times, each of those times confirmed that his plan was coming together, and he hoped by the end of the day, Thomas Shelby would be no longer.

When the sound of the door opened again, Campbell assumed that it was Sergeant Moss paying him another visit, but he was wrong. Grace silently entered the room, and he couldn’t hide his agitation in seeing her. He let out a sigh, and continued to look down at the papers in front of him.

‘My position was compromised, I leave tonight.’

Campbell looked up from the desk to Grace, she had her usual stoic expression when addressing him.

‘Grace …’ He trailed off, he didn’t know what he was going to say in the first place, and words were lost on his tongue.

‘I will not accept a proposal, Mr Campbell. I’m going home to my family.’

Campbell’s stomach turned at remembering the proposal, and wished that Grace hadn’t brought it up. He pretended to ignore her, and thought of something to change the subject.

‘Will you be safe until your train?’

Grace was expecting Campbell to start reasoning with her, but it was like him to act concerned for her welfare, even though they were no longer working together. Grace didn’t know the answer to his questions, she guessed there was an element of danger in staying in Birmingham until late, but she figured that Tommy would be busy with Billy Kimber, and the aftermath of what would happen.

‘Hopefully my train leaves before Tommy can find me.’

It wasn’t something Campbell took comfort in hearing, Grace was acting reckless, just when she was about to go home. He thought back to what Tommy was going through, and hoped, for Grace’s sake, that Tommy died so he wouldn’t be able to go looking for her. There was the alternative of Tommy winning, but Campbell didn’t want to believe in its truth.

Campbell looked to Grace, despite everything he had done for her, he knew that he hadn’t gotten through to what lay underneath the plain expression she held. He sighed again, disappointment was all he could feel for her, since he knew that she had so much more potential.

‘You’ve broken a heart, Grace.’

Of course, everything had to go back to Campbell’s feelings, Grace did her best not to roll her eyes at him. When she was working for Campbell, she was always clever about letting him down gently, or pretending that she didn’t see a look he would give her, or to pretend that he never touched her. It was at that moment, the last time Grace would ever see Campbell, that she drew courage from somewhere and it felt good in doing so.

‘My heart was already broken before I stepped into the Godforsaken city. Goodbye, Mr Campbell.’

Grace revelled in the final look Campbell gave her, but gave nothing away in her enjoyment. She left the office, it felt as if she had finally closed the chapter on her time in Birmingham.

\-----

It was Finn who flew through the door, catching both Polly and Rose off guard, it was enough for Rose to spill tea into the saucer.

‘To the Garrison, it’s all over.’ He panted.

Polly looked to Rose, it was a small look of relief, and they both grabbed their coats and tailed Finn as they paced to the pub. Neither said anything to one another, there were so many questions that needed to be answered, but to see everyone would’ve been enough in that moment to satisfy the victory.

Rose didn’t realise how serious the day was until Polly came back. She had gone to look for Grace to no success, and Rose had to deal with the wrath of an unsuccessful trip. Polly was cursing with every breath, and like before when Tommy had been angry, Rose kept her distance and let her get through it on her own. Polly calmed herself enough when she brought tea into the front room, she saw how uncomfortably Rose was sitting in the chair.

‘I wouldn’t be too worried, Tommy can get himself out of situations.’

It was meant to calm Rose, but there was a deeper level of meaning to what Polly had said, and it was only Rose who knew about it. If Tommy came out of the afternoon alive, which is what everyone wanted, including Rose, he would end up knowing the secret she was hiding. There was the extremely unfortunate instance of Tommy not making it through, but that meant it was possible the secret could die with him.

Rose had to level with herself. Tommy dying would mean the secret could go with him, and that would put her family in a better position. It would’ve been a terrible loss for the Shelby family, but it worked out better for the Alexander’s. Tommy not dying meant that, once again, he had defied expectation and had seen through the jaws of death. He would come home, and eventually find out that Rose’s family had betrayed his trust and respect, and that eventuality scared her. However, when weighing up the two scenarios, Rose couldn’t help but think with her heart. She didn’t want Tommy to die, she wanted to see his face again, to feel his hands on her arms and to look into his blue eyes. Rose would deal with the truth coming out, and after that she would deal with her true feelings for Tommy.

Polly looked at Rose, and couldn’t help but see a little girl sitting on the sofa. The way she was sat change her outer appearance, the sofa looked too big for her body, her shoulders were slumped forward to make her look even smaller. There was worry etched on her face, which was to be expected, and Polly wondered if it was because Tommy was involved. The look Tommy had given Rose when he realised Grace had betrayed him was shocking to witness, it was as if both he and Rose had something in their past that had made that conclusion so obvious, it was a look of familiarity with one another.

Polly wondered what happened with Rose and Tommy behind closed doors, if there was more than Tommy was letting on. She knew that Tommy saw Rose in a different light, not that he had admitted it outright to her. Polly wanted to believe that Rose would be good for him if anything ever happened, but looking at Rose sat in the sofa, looking younger than her age, it was hard to believe that she could carry all of Tommy’s baggage on her shoulders; it wouldn’t have been fair to put that on her conscious in the first place.

Knowing that Tommy was alive and just inside the pub made Rose’s stomach turn, it was of anticipation in seeing him. She had to take every moment as it came, she couldn’t know how she would feel in seeing him, if she would’ve wanted him dead or alive; the first look to him, and Rose knew that everything would be clear in her mind.

Ada was there already, but the pub itself was empty. The door to the snug was open, and as they walked through, everyone was cramped inside, all around the table with a bloody body on top of it. Rose stayed to Polly’s left as they squeezed their way in.

‘Now we can bury him properly. In the grave we dug for him.’ John said with his head lowered. It occurred to Rose in that moment that the man on the table was Daniel Owens, Danny Whizz Bang, she felt her breath catch in her throat.

‘Yeah.’ Tommy’s rasping voice came from Rose’s right, and she looked over.

‘It’s high on a hill. He’d like that.’

Rose kept her eyes on Tommy, just long enough for him to look back over. The moment when his blue eyes matched with hers made her lose her breath once again, and she knew what she wanted.

Rose let her eyes trail down Tommy’s body, and they went wide when she noticed the bloody bandages covering his chest. In any other situation, Rose would have gasped or said something, but it was not the time to do so. She looked back up to see Tommy still looking over at her, he blinked slowly in acknowledgment, then raised the bottle in his hands. With his teeth, he pulled the cork from the opening, and raised it high.

‘To Danny Whizz Bang.’ He said. ‘May we all die twice.’

Several said their condolences and took a sip from their bottles as a mark of respect for Danny, and Rose looked back to the body. It occurred to her how close she was to the mess that had been made, her family were the ones who faked the plot Danny was buried in, she never realised the connections were so familial until that moment.

When the room was silent again, Tommy sighed lightly. ‘Come on, the day is ours, let’s celebrate.’

Everyone filed out of the room, and began making their way to the counter. Rose was ready to go home, she didn’t see a reason to stay, but Tommy addressed her before she could escape out of the door.

‘Rose, a hand behind the bar?’

Tommy had stood still; his words weren’t too loud so others weren’t aware of their exchange. Rose looked back to Tommy, and realised the meaning of his words. It was Tommy’s way of confirming if she was going to stay at work, despite what she had said earlier.

From seeing Tommy for the first time after the ordeal, her mind had been made up. Rose wanted to roll with the punches, she would take the secret to her grave unless it was found out by Tommy, she wanted to be with him and to know what could be between them.

To answer Tommy’s question, Rose nodded her head, which elicited a tired but comforting smile on his lips, one Rose wished she truly deserved.

The night got busier by the minute, it wasn’t just the Blinder’s who had reason to celebrate, but it seemed that half of Small Heath had walked through the doors of the Garrison to celebrate the day. Rose was rushed off her feet, with Arthur by her side and revving up the crowd. He was being generous with the amount of alcohol he was giving out, Rose didn’t think it would be wise to mention that would wreak havoc on the accounts.

Soon enough, Rose was feeling weary, the day had been long and her body was feeling the effects. Arthur had only gained energy through the night, he played the part as bartender, and Rose thought it was a good time to leave him to it. She weaved through the crowds to get to the back office, the only room that hadn’t been used by anyone, and she grabbed her coat from the stand.

As Rose put her arm through the hole, she could hear the shouts and screams of the main floor become louder for a moment, and turned to see that Tommy had walked through. He looked tired as well, she couldn’t imagine what pain he was feeling from the wound on his chest, but he seemed to be holding up well enough.

‘Leaving?’ His voice was hoarse, just as tired as his body.

‘Yes.’ Rose replied. Her coat was on and she was ready to go, but didn’t get Tommy to move out of her way. They hadn’t spoken with each other all night, it was the first time in hours that they were alone.

‘But not forever?’

The hint of humour in Tommy’s voice calmed Rose for a moment, she was glad that Tommy was feeling well enough to not be angry at her for suggesting to leave. Rose shook her head, and felt good in doing so.

‘I’ll walk you home.’

‘Are you able to?’

Tommy ignored Rose’s question and gestured to the door. It was nice of her to act concerned, the urge to put a hand on her back to guide her out of the room was strong, he had to flex his hand to stop himself.

Instead of trying to push their way through the crowds to get to the main exit of the pub, Tommy led Rose out of the side doors. The night air was cold, close to freezing, December had truly made itself known.

As well as the silence on the streets, both Rose and Tommy walked with reserve for their words. Tommy was exhausted, the feeling was setting in quickly, but he kept his pace exact to Rose’s, not wanting to pause to take a breath. It was stupid to have assumed that he could walk Rose home, the walk was longer than he remembered.

Rose wished she could calm for just a few moments. The relief in seeing that Tommy was alive was just enough to keep the fear at bay, but it was a different story when they were alone. As they were walking side by side, Rose could feel how close Tommy’s hand was to hers, both of them let the skin of their palms brush against one another’s when they took a step. They didn’t pretend that it didn’t happen, but they didn’t acknowledge that it had; they just walked in silence, the brief moment of touch would make both of their hearts jump, and they waited those few seconds to let it happen again.

Rose guided them both of them to the back entrance of her house, it was too late to use the front door, and she didn’t want to wake her parents. They stopped by the gate, Rose turned to Tommy, their faces were illuminated from a light on the wall, and there was silence between them still.

There was a second for Rose to think, the urge to take Tommy’s free hand into her own was great, but thought that they had spent their walk touching with their hands, and Rose wanted more. It was just the two on their own, and Rose wasn’t scared. She lifted her arms and moved forward, the intention was to wrap them around Tommy’s shoulders, but when her body bumped with his a grunt came out of his mouth.

At the sound of Tommy’s grumble, Rose pulled back, and she gave Tommy a worried look. Tommy closed his eyes and breathed out quickly.

‘No …’ Tommy didn’t want to feel Rose’s body retreating from his, despite the pain he was feeling. He hardened his gaze for a moment, showing Rose that he was to be taken seriously, and he closed the gap between them.

Rose’s arms went around Tommy’s shoulders again, she tried to not put too much weight on his body. Their heads were closer than ever, Rose’s cheek brushed against Tommy’s jaw, Tommy almost groaned with pleasure at the feeling of her soft skin so close to his mouth, it took a lot of restraint to not bring his lips down to feel her.

As they were close to one another, Rose melted into Tommy’s body, her hand went up to the back of his neck. She began a soothing action, she used her nails to stroke his skin, and she could feel the goose bumps rise in its place. Rose felt Tommy sigh heavily as she continued rubbing her nails across his skin, she swore their bodies moved closer. The moment ended naturally, Rose let her fingertips glide against Tommy’s skin, trying to savour the last moments of touch, and her arms dropped by her sides. Even though they had parted, their nerves were on fire, it didn’t feel right that they were parting.

Tommy was sure that if they were in a more private space, he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself. It didn’t matter that he had a wound and one arm was out of action, the adrenaline pulsing around his body made his head throb.

‘Tommy,’ Rose said quietly, bringing the silence between them to an end, ‘the night Campbell came looking for you, you said you were going to tell me things.’

Tommy remembered saying so, and waited for Rose to speak again.

‘Do you still want to tell me?’

It was bold of Rose to assume that Tommy would still be in a sharing mood, and cottoned onto the answer before Tommy even opened his mouth. He blinked slowly at her, his long lashes lying flush against his skin for just a moment, then opening, his blue eyes seemed so striking in the dark night. Tommy tilted his head down slightly, as if he was purposefully avoiding eye contact. A moment passed, then Tommy lifted his head.

‘Let me bide my time, Rose.’

Rose nodded her head in understanding, it wasn’t like her to ask too much of Tommy. Before Rose could say something to fill the gap once more, Tommy reached forward with his right hand and cupped her soft cheek, he wanted to feel with his hand what he felt against his jaw. It caught Rose off guard, she froze in her place, and watched as Tommy brought himself forward. His lips touched Rose’s forehead, it was a tender display of affection, and to that moment, the closest they had been with one another.

With Rose’s body flat against Tommy’s, she let the moment wash over her, she unknowingly gripped onto Tommy’s coat, the feeling running through her body was so intense she needed to hold herself up. If she hadn’t held on, Rose thought her legs might buckle underneath her body. Tommy’s soft lips parted from Rose, but he kept his head close.

‘You said you had something to tell me as well.’ The vibrations of Tommy’s low rumbling voice shot through Rose’s body, she shivered at the feeling.

‘Don’t ruin the moment, Tommy.’ Rose whispered. She looked up to meet Tommy’s gaze, noting how intense his eyes were.

‘I’ll make it better.’

Rose wasn’t sure what Tommy meant, but it all made sense when he dipped his head lower, and their lips met for the first time. For Rose, it didn’t feel like a surprise, if anything, she had been expecting him to do so, and if Tommy hadn’t made the first move she would’ve done so herself.

When their lips met, a feeling of relief washed over both Rose and Tommy. The grip Rose had on Tommy’s coat lessened, her right hand came up to his exposed neck, smoothing the skin underneath it as they refused to part for breath from one another. Tommy’s free hand remained on Rose’s face, he used the back of his knuckles to stroke tenderly at her cheek. Both had their eyes shut as their lips worked slowly with one another’s, it was as if they had to focus on what they were doing, the moment was so intense and desperate that any break in concentration would ruin the moment.

They stood in the cold December night for what felt like hours, anyone looking out of their windows would see two people in such a moment, it seemed that nothing would’ve parted them. However, a light switched on in an upstairs room, Rose could see it through her closed eyes, and she panicked. She didn’t have time to realise that her lips had gone slightly numb, her legs had gone wobbly, or that there was a feeling in her lower stomach that made her want to push her thighs together, the worry at the light turning on made her back away from Tommy and walk to her back door.

The moment ended too quickly, Tommy could still feel Rose’s warm lips and tongue, but he could only watch her retreat from him, no words formed to reach his mouth. He did think, however, and hoped that Rose would turn around just one last time. He thought the words over in his mind, ‘turn around, turn around,’, it would’ve been an affirmation of what had just happened between one another.

As Rose got to the back door, she could tell that Tommy was still staring at her. She knew it would’ve been painful to do so, but the urge was too great, and she let herself have the luxury of looking at him just one last time. Rose imagined herself running back over to him, throwing herself at him despite his injury and letting go of the fear of intimacy, but the light was still on upstairs, and she had to go inside.

Tommy’s hand flexed as Rose looked away, his nails were causing the skin to break as she shut the door quietly. His heart was pounding away in his chest, blood running so fast though his body and to his head, it felt as if he was going to faint with pleasure. It was just a kiss, just the touch of lips against lips, but they had been Rose’s lips. Tommy felt as if he had tasted the forbidden fruit, a considerable amount of restraint was needed to stop him from barging through the back door to taste her again.

Out of everything that happened that day, to know that Rose had looked back just before going inside made it worth it. That look meant so much to him, more than he thought even Rose knew. As he walked back to the Garrison that night, Tommy felt sick with delight, Rose was the one, as stupid as it sounded. She was the one he wanted to see through his days with, he begged to any God that she felt the same.


	9. Part Two | Truth Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

Rose managed to evade her parents as she made her way up the stairs, she didn’t have anything to say to them, not with how she was feeling; Rose thought that if she tried to speak, nothing would come out. When Rose got in her room, a breath wasn’t taken until she had hurried her coat and dress off and her nightie was on. As soon as she was in bed and lying in the darkness, Rose let herself think back to what had just occurred.

The feeling of Tommy’s lips could still be felt on her skin, and the heat in her lower stomach instinctively made her toes curl, Rose felt as if was hard to breath with her nerves so heightened. Rose recognised the feeling, and remembered what happened afterwards. However, Tommy wasn’t there to be with her, she was alone in her bed and Rose didn’t know what to do. She curled her toes until cramp almost set in, and her hand went under the covers in an attempt to settle herself.

It was against all that Rose knew, she had never had a reason to slide her hands down her stomach before. The thoughts were made even worse by knowing that her parents were just in the next room over, only a wall separated them. Rose couldn’t help herself, it was instinctive to want some relief from the situation, but what she really wanted was for Tommy to be there with her.

There had been more than one occasion where Rose had to push down any thoughts of Tommy after the sun had set, and she knew, even then, that she shouldn’t be indulging herself. It had been so easy the first time back in Derbyshire, her great aunt wasn’t in the house, there were no interruptions and the moment was right for them. Rose wanted it to be like that the second time, just then with Tommy, even though there could’ve been serious consequences in doing so.

Not only that, but there was still the secret being kept from Tommy, and Rose felt it would’ve been futile to want something like that. Rose knew that nothing could truly happen between her and Tommy until the truth came out, the effects of it could’ve been shattering, and Rose would’ve looked back in vain over the time she had touched herself over the thought of Tommy that night.

Rose retracted her hand from underneath her bed sheets and put her arm by her side. She wouldn’t fall into temptation over Tommy Shelby, no matter how much she wanted to.

However, as Rose led there, her wild thoughts forbidding her an easy sleep, another thought crossed her mind. She knew there was a sense of satisfaction in kissing Tommy, it had been building up for so long, it only seemed natural to occur. It had felt so good, so right, in another life there wouldn’t have been such a big secret, but Rose had to deal with her reality. Rose felt as if she shouldn’t have cared about the secret, and that she should enjoy herself up until the moment it was revealed. In doing that, she could get close to Tommy, not only kiss him more, and just accept that their relationship wouldn’t be for very long. Living in the moment was a rare occurrence for Rose, she wasn’t naturally spontaneous, but with Tommy’s affection in the picture it was a different situation.

The people that knew about the secret and the people that knew about Rose’s relationship with Tommy didn’t overlap, so she didn’t have anyone to go to for advice about what to do. With no one to share her worries, Rose fretted most of the night, and didn’t get to sleep until the early hours of the morning. Late night thoughts were dangerous, and Rose didn’t feel so confident about herself when she woke the next morning, groggy and tired from the previous day. She hauled herself to sit on the edge of her bed and groaned until her throat hurt.

Rose had to carry on with the day as if it was like any other. There was no rest even after the day everyone had been through, Rose thought that Tommy wouldn’t see a reason to write it off. Knowing that she’d have to face him, so soon after they had kissed, set worry in Rose’s mind. Tommy’s existence was like a double-edged sword, Rose thought, there was joy in seeing him and furthering their relationship, but then there was the secret that stayed put at the back of Rose’s mind; it taunted her whenever Tommy’s name popped up in her mind.

Rose decided to make a rule for herself, and that was to not think of Tommy when it wasn’t necessary. She’d stay as his employee, and enjoy his company and let him take things further if that’s what he wanted, since that’s what she wanted as well. But when she was at home, with her family or led in bed at night, she had to think of other things. Rose didn’t want to become obsessed with the thought of Tommy, not when it could crumble before her at any date.

Henry and Mary had switched on their bedroom light the night before since they had heard people talking outside their window, they had recognised their own daughter’s voice. They hadn’t taken the initiative to actually look out of the window, if they had, a double fainting episode may have occurred. Rose knew that she was in the clear of her parents being none the wiser, they weren’t the type of people that would welcome a Shelby into the family.

Since the truth had come out between them, the three had become amicable with one another, and if anything, Rose seemed to have the upper hand. She hadn’t told her parents, but in a way, they had been forgiven. It was a mess, one that Rose knew she wasn’t truly part of, but there was a thought in her mind. If her parents were to go down, she would go down with them. The past year had been chaotic enough, it just made sense that Rose would stay loyal to her family rather than Tommy’s, despite all they had done for her. If there was one thing Tommy could understand, it was loyalty to family.

Henry and Mary weren’t subtle with their looks at breakfast time, it was clear that they had questions for Rose but weren’t confident in asking her. She let them look at her, then turn their gaze away, she was acting uninterested until they gained the courage themselves.

Soon enough, the silence during breakfast became unbearable, so Rose thought of something that would interest them.

‘You’ll have to bury Daniel Owens again.’

‘Why?’ Henry looked up suddenly, he was more shocked that Rose had said anything, he hadn’t actually listened to what she had said. ‘Oh.’

‘I thought you’d be interested.’

‘Yes, thank you, Rose.’

The three went back to being silent, it was almost agonising to be in. Rose knew that she was protecting her family, but they could’ve at least humoured her. The tension was too high in the household, but Henry and Mary weren’t prepared for Rose to move out until the mess had blown over, there was no knowing if it would be safe to be alone in Small Heath.

Although Rose wasn’t allowed to move out, there were others who last names weren’t Shelby that she could go to. It wasn’t right that Rose didn’t have many friends her age, and thought that Grace could’ve been someone to call a friend, but that didn’t end up in her favour. There could’ve been opportunities for Rose, she could’ve joined the Women’s Institute, or started going to church or just went to anywhere other than the Garrison. Rose wondered that since it was nearing the New Year, she should make a resolution to make at least one friend her age, male or female. That thought was one of the first in Rose trying not to think about Tommy Shelby.

Until then, Rose had to make do with Ms Harding. Before going to work, Rose wanted to check up on her, she didn’t know how much of Small Heath had been affected by the previous days’ event since her experience of it was so isolated. Rose was sure that it was just the one street that included the action, but Rose wanted to put her mind at rest.

Rose passed the Shelby house on Watery Lane, still not feeling safe when seeing it. It wasn’t as if she was in any danger, Tommy didn’t know the truth just yet, but there was a sense of unease. Rose tore her gaze away from the row of houses and went to open Ms Harding’s door, but her body slammed straight into it. For the first time since Rose had known her, Ms Harding had locked her door.

Rose looked behind her to see if anyone had seen her walk into the door, feeling embarrassed that she had hit her head. No one seemed to be around, the day was in full swing but no one had ventured outside yet; they were probably still hung over from the night before.

There was a pregnant pause when Rose first knocked on the door, it wasn’t usual for her to wait to see Ms Harding. Rose leant in close to hear if there was any sound of movement, and eventually heard the shuffling of feet. She stepped back when the locks were moving, and the door opened onto Ms Harding, looking sullen.

‘Yes?’ Ms Harding had a biting tone, something that Rose had never heard before. She was taken aback for a moment, but thought not to bring it up.

‘I wanted to know how you were, after yesterday.’ Rose spoke with care, she didn’t want to upset Ms Harding more than she already seemed to be. It was normal for Ms Harding to be short with her words, but there was always a sense of knowing with them, something that Rose had learnt to pick up on. However, as Rose stood feeling unwelcome on the doorstep, she felt that something had changed within Ms Harding, and she didn’t know how to deal with it.

‘Yesterday? When your lot terrorised the streets? Those bullies get away with murder, and everyone’s too scared to say anything.’

Rose thought of something wise in retaliation to Ms Harding’s words, but knew it wasn’t the best time to be picking holes in her logic.

‘You’re too scared to say anything, and you work with them!’ Ms Harding spoke as if it was an obvious. Rose could see the reasoning behind her thoughts, but knew it wasn’t her place to say anything against Tommy.

‘Can I come in, Ms Harding? I’ll make some tea, and then we can talk.’

Rose watched as Mr Harding thought the invitation through her mind, Rose had never been denied entry before, but that was when the doors weren’t locked. The chances of being allowed in were slipping quickly, and Rose ended up feeling uncomfortable at being left to stand on the street.

‘Don’t you have work?’ Ms Harding asked, looking for an excuse.

‘Not for another hour.’

Ms Harding sighed, then stood back a couple of paces to allow Rose to enter. It didn’t feel right, however, Rose felt out of place as she walked through to the kitchen. Ms Harding was hot on her heels, and walked over to the stove to put the kettle on, not giving Rose the chance to make the tea herself. As Rose watched Ms Harding by the stove, she didn’t know if she would be offered any tea at the rate Ms Harding was going.

‘Did you see anything of yesterday?’ Rose dared a question, there was no point in sitting in silence.

‘Of course not, stayed in my house all day.’ Ms Harding said. Rose nodded slowly, and thought of what to ask next. The frosty atmosphere was stopping Rose from thinking straight, so she just watched as Ms Harding put teacups and the sugar bowl on a tray.

Rose thought she had a million things to say to Ms Harding, but as soon as she stepped through the threshold of the house, they were all gone. Ms Harding looked over to see that Rose was sitting in silence, it was clear there was a lot on her mind, but was not in the mood to be asking to hear them.

The tea things were placed down, and the silence between the two women resumed. There was the sound of the crackling fire, Rose couldn’t tell Ms Harding off for having it on, it was December after all. Rose tried hard to think of what to say to Ms Harding, but just looked over a few times, feeling defeated.

‘You seeing the Shelby’s today?’ Ms Harding asked. Rose was taken from her cloud of thoughts and whipped her head around.

‘Of course, I work with them.’

Ms Harding scoffed, and Rose was losing her patience. It was like Ms Harding to have particular opinions about things, Rose did too, but it was clear they had contrasting opinions about Tommy and his family. Rose didn’t want to start an argument, but she could feel the way Ms Harding was glaring at her through the side of her eyes.

‘You work for them.’ Ms Harding corrected the mistake Rose had made, and Rose lowered her head.

‘Ms Harding,’ Rose started, lifting her head, ‘what I do and who I work for is my business.’

‘Don’t act the grown up in this situation. Anyone other than Thomas and I would respect your work, but he’s different kettle of fish altogether.’

‘I know he … has the gang, but I’m not part of that.’ Rose said, defending herself.

‘Thomas will have you in the palm of his hand soon enough, Rose. He’s got tricks up his sleeve that God can’t even see coming.’

Rose wanted to shake her head, Ms Harding had to always sound so cryptic in ways that she couldn’t understand. Rose didn’t spend long with Ms Harding after her last comment, the conversation had gone stale between them, and she felt disheartened at being told her choices were wrong.

It was frustrating to know that Ms Harding had such an opinion of Tommy. She didn’t think that Ms Harding had a higher understanding of the world just because she was older, but she had lived in Small Heath long enough to understand the Peaky Blinders and the trouble that came with them. Rose hadn’t seen what Tommy did directly, the previous day had been manic, but she hadn’t seen any of the action. Rose wanted to keep it that way, but it would be sooner rather than later when the reality of the gang would end up at her front door.

\-----

There wasn’t much time to think about the possible action of the Blinders, as Rose was working as much as she could at the Garrison. The festive period had presented itself, and there was no rest, it seemed that the end of the year was the busiest for all public houses.

Rose tried to hold no fear as she continued to work with the Shelby’s, she took every day as it came. They hadn’t opened yet, Arthur was behind the bar sorting out stock and Rose was walking on the main floor, thinking aloud about what Christmas decorations should be put it.

‘We can at least put a tree up, Arthur.’ Rose said, and she walked up to the counter to see his reaction. ‘Then decorations in the windows and on the bar … and then the nativity scene somewhere.’

Arthur stood up from behind the bar to give Rose a confused look. ‘Why the nativity? We’re not religious like that.’

‘Well, Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ.’ Rose said, but noticed the way Arthur shook his head.

‘Nah,’ Arthur’s voice was low, ‘Christmas is about getting a belly full of food, getting drunk, and remembering the good times.’ Arthur smiled at his own words.

‘How bloody Biblical.’ Rose muttered, but it was loud enough for Arthur to hear. He let out a bellowing laugh, one that made Rose giggle.

‘I don’t have an imagination like you do, Rose. I’ll set up a fund for you, and you do what you want with it, I’m not getting involved in women’s work.’

Rose wanted to disagree with Arthur, thinking that decorations wasn’t strictly women’s work, but just said thank you instead. Rose was wise enough to know that started an argument with Arthur was just going to end in tears, so carried on walking around the main floor and wondering what decorations would look nice.

The pub still hadn’t opened yet, and Rose was ready to offer help to Arthur so they could start the day, but banging on the door distracted them both.

‘Two pound its Fred wanting his first pint of the day, you watch Rose.’ Arthur said as he walked out from behind the bar and paced quickly to the door. Rose watched to see if Arthur’s prediction was right, but it turned out to be wrong.

It was Tommy, not Fred, and by the way Tommy walked in, Rose didn’t think it was wise to tease Arthur in being wrong. Once Tommy had caught eyes with Rose, he nodded his head to the back office and didn’t stop walking. Rose was expected to follow him, so she gave one last look to Arthur and went into the back office as well. Tommy had stood until Rose had entered the room, and he noticed the curious look on her face.

‘Don’t look so worried.’ Tommy said.

‘I wasn’t worried. Did you need to talk about something?’ Rose went to sit in her seat by the desk and waited for Tommy to speak. She had no idea why he was there, and wasn’t given enough time to wonder.

‘I just needed to talk … about Grace.’

‘Has something happened?’

Tommy had sat on the other chair in the room and lit up a cigarette, Rose’s question wasn’t asked straight away, she felt that Tommy was building up something big. For a sudden moment, Rose wondered if Tommy had found out, and saying that it was about Grace was just his way of breaking her in for him firing her. Rose tried to not break a sweat in the quiet room, Tommy was still biding his time in talking.

Once Tommy had breathed out a breath of smoke, he looked over to Rose. She was waiting patiently, and Tommy wondered how long she would wait in silence until he started speaking, he almost wanted to test her. However, that wouldn’t have been fair, so decided to put Rose out of her misery.

‘I’ve been trying to piece it together in my head, I wanted to hear what you have to say about it.’

‘Oh.’ Rose shouldn’t have expected anything bad, and felt her body relax into the chair. ‘What do you want me to say?’

‘Just relay everything over to me.’ Tommy asked. Rose didn’t like that he was being blunt about it, but decided not to argue.

‘Well, there was the time she was asking Arthur about the cigarettes.’ Rose offered, and Tommy nodded, flicking some ash off the end of his own cigarette.

‘You came to tell me about that.’

‘And then Grace came in when we were talking about Black Star Day.’

Tommy knew about that one as well, Rose was only offering pieces of information that he already knew, but Rose knew that as well. Then was one final time that Rose could remember, but she daren’t say it. It was when Arthur had let slip that her family had planned with Tommy himself about Daniel Owens’ fake grave, but it was too close to her own secret, so Rose kept her mouth shut.

‘Is that everything?’ Tommy asked.

‘All that I can think of.’ Rose did her best to talk through her lie, but her poor ability to not keep eye contact was bound to give her away. Luckily for Rose, Tommy had something else on his mind.

‘Do you remember when I asked if you trusted Grace with a secret?’

Rose nodded slowly, the memory was coming back slowly, it seemed like it happened so long ago. ‘Yes.’

‘You said you wouldn’t trust many with your secret, even me.’

Rose’s mind jolted, she realised how her wording sounded and forgot that she had referenced her secret so plainly, and that Tommy had picked up on it. She panicked and swallowed thickly.

‘Yes.’ Rose sounded pathetic, but Tommy wasn’t going to hold back.

‘What is that secret, Rose?’

Posey. Posey was that secret, but there was no chance of Rose being comfortable enough in sharing that with Tommy.

‘It has nothing to do with Grace.’ Rose calmed her voice long enough to make that statement sound convincing, but she didn’t like how Tommy’s face fell. It was only a slight change, but it was clear that his eyes went soft, and he swallowed thickly.

‘Has enough happened … can you trust me?’

Tommy was trying his best to break down Rose’s walls, to the secret she accidentally mentioned and how it seemed to be such a big part of her life. The answer was made clear by the way Rose looked away from him to the floor, and he felt disappointed. Not disappointed in Rose herself, but how they had been through so much already and Tommy hadn’t done enough to warrant trust from Rose.

‘I can’t.’

The words were painful to say, but Rose had her reasons. Although she had told Polly and Ada in confidence, it was because they were mothers, they understood such a situation like hers, and she worried that Tommy wouldn’t. It was such a big secret, Rose couldn’t work out if Tommy would’ve been angrier at her family betraying his or Rose having a child out of wedlock. Until the first secret had been revealed, nothing was to be said about Posey.

Tommy felt like he was being denied something, and he wasn’t used to not getting what he wanted. However, he wasn’t going to be the person to force it, so left the subject. He tried not to look too annoyed, but he did stub his cigarette out hastily.

Since there was nothing else left to say, and with Tommy still feeling at a loss with Rose, he stood quickly to leave. Rose hadn’t expected him to get up so suddenly, and jumped back a little, but then he stopped and looked back.

‘Rose, I think about …’

They were staring at one another so intently, Tommy’s words had been left hanging in the air, but he didn’t have the courage to finish them. He saw the way Rose’s eyebrows were lifted in surprise, how her lips were slightly parted, and his straight thoughts trailed off.

With no courage left, he turned to walk out of the door, but felt a hand on his arm. Rose had stood to stop him from leaving, what courage Tommy had lost, Rose had gained.

‘Think about what, Tommy?’

Rose felt the look go further than the eyes, Tommy had a way of staring down to Rose that made a shiver go down her spine. She had forgotten she had asked a question, as soon as Tommy’s blue eyes locked on to hers, all rational thoughts seemed to escape her mind.

Instead of answering with words, Tommy couldn’t help himself. He brought his hand up to Rose’s cheek and let his thumb rub soothingly over the soft skin. Whatever annoyance he harboured for himself and Rose disappeared. Rose melted into Tommy’s warm hand, she couldn’t help the way that he made her feel, and it was a terrible thought to think, but that was the reason why she wanted to make the most of the relationship before the truth came out.

Tommy made the situation harder by leaning forward, and Rose let him. Their lips connected, neither of them were bothered about the door being open and Arthur having a clear view. Tommy’s free hand went to Rose’s waist, he brought her closer until their bodies bumped into each other’s. Rose felt not just the warmth from Tommy’s hand, but from his body. As Tommy let his tongue slide over Rose’s lips, desperate hands went up to Tommy’s coat to hold on. Like before, Rose’s legs were buckling and she had to grip on tight to stop herself from falling.

That was why Rose wanted to milk the relationship, the feeling of Tommy’s tongue against hers and his hand caressing her cheek and jaw. There was so much hope in Rose’s mind that Tommy would find it in his mind to forgive her family, since she didn’t want the kissing to ever end.

Like the first time, Rose thought about the kiss for the rest of the day. Arthur gave her knowing looks when he went into the office, or she went out to get a drink, ones that Rose had to ignore. She didn’t give him enough time to make a comment, that would’ve been too embarrassing.

The joy that Rose felt from the kiss went away as soon as she went home, the gloomy atmosphere sucked all happiness from anyone who entered. It wasn’t a place where Rose could share the good things that had happened to her, not only that, but Rose didn’t want to share them. Rose thought her parents weren’t privy to the good things after what they were putting her through.

Rose told them what Tommy had talked about today, they demanded that they know everything he was doing as a way to decipher what knowledge he had of them.

‘There was a third time Grace stuck her nose in. Arthur told her about Daniel Owens, and that the grave was fake.’

They were eating their dinner in relative silence, but what wasn’t being said with words was being shown through looks. Rose shook her head as she looked up to see her parents sharing a look with one another.

‘What now?’ Rose no longer feared her parents, if there was something to be said, it had to be said. They shared another look to one another, and Henry turned to Rose.

‘Inspector Campbell’s gone from Birmingham now, but he had one last job for us.’

Rose wanted to roll her eyes, of course there’d be one last job for them to do, just to make it more difficult when the truth was revealed.

‘It was Grace.’

The food in Rose’s mouth made her choke. It was a pure shock, Rose looked from her father to her mother, but their faces were crestfallen. Rose didn’t even ask how Grace had died, she left the table after she had taken sips from her water to calm her throat. It seemed to be a common occurrence for Rose to storm off during dinner, it was mostly to show that she was angry with her parents without shouting at them. She didn’t slam her door, however, that would’ve been too petty.

As Rose sat on her bed, all her thoughts were consumed by Grace. She had betrayed Tommy, but ended up dead. It wasn’t Tommy who had killed her, Rose was sure of it, since it was the Inspector who had news of her body. For a worrying moment, Rose wondered if the Inspector who had done it, but that was a thought too terrifying to comprehend.

Rose thought about all the times she had worked with Grace, and the time she had eaten lunch with her. She had been alive then, but she was dead now. Life seemed to be so precious, and that furthered confirmed for Rose to take her chances with Tommy, and not to think about the consequences. For all she knew, she could’ve ended up just like Grace.

\-----

The days passing from the kiss with Rose seemed to drag. It was made worse by the fact neither of them mentioned it to one another, Rose seemed too shy to bring it up, and Tommy never found the right time to talk. Rose was always in the Garrison, working harder than ever, and Tommy couldn’t evade his brother, not when he gave him knowing looks, and teasing words seemed to be at the tip of his tongue.

It was difficult for Tommy, a man who always got what he wanted meant everything in all aspects, but Rose was different. Of course, Rose was different, she had to be different so things could be difficult. Difficult in the form of unrequited feelings, he felt as if he had so much to say to her, so much of himself that he wanted to show her, but there was a slight reservation.

Tommy thought that it had to be too good to be true, Rose couldn’t be the person that was perfect. He wasn’t allowed to have anything perfect, that wasn’t how the world worked, especially Small Heath. There was a part of him that wanted to just go with it, to take all that she gave and not worry about any eventualities, or worry about it not being real. In his wildest dreams, Rose was a mirage, get too close and she would disappear.

To distract himself from deep thoughts, Tommy threw himself into work. The death of Billy Kimber had provided an endless amount of work, taking over their bookies and seeing that his licences had been burnt. It would’ve been easy to take over in Billy’s old pitches, they just had to convince the right people first. From working morning straight through to the evening, Tommy rarely saw much of the outside for a full week.

Tommy ordered his men around, was on the phone for hours at a time, the Christmas period was proving the busiest one yet. All that, and there were always horses to buy, but that was a luxury for when the New Year happened.

Meetings happened few and far between, but at the end of another busy day, Tommy felt a family meeting was long overdue. It was hard to gather them all in the evening, Arthur was usually at the Garrison, John went off for a drink, and Polly buried herself into the accounts, but Tommy managed to catch them all.

Polly made tea for everyone, but it was unlikely that the others were going to drink any. John and Arthur sat down at the table, arms stretched over a few chairs and moaning about the meeting before it had even started.

‘Alright … alright.’ Tommy said as he closed the green doors behind him. He reached into his jacket pocket to get his carton of cigarette and box of matches, he threw them down on the table so he could pull out a chair. ‘I just wanted to get us together to say a few words.’

‘For God’s sake Tommy, not going sentimental with Christmas spirit, are you?’ John chuckled, toothpick hanging out of his mouth.

‘No, not sentimental.’ Tommy said, refusing to crack a smile. ‘I thought a few words of recognition for everyone would be appropriate. The past couple of weeks have been tricky, and I thought everyone should know that …’

Tommy trailed off. Saying that he was proud of them would’ve been out of character, and John and Arthur would’ve teased him relentlessly because of it. He blew out a cloud of smoke from his freshly lit cigarette as he wondered what words to use.

‘We get it Thomas, you’re happy with our work.’ Polly said, filling in the gap for him as she set the tea things down.

‘Thank you, Pol. I am happy with your work, and it’ll be just as good next year.’

‘Hoping that another bloke like Kimber doesn’t come alone, we won’t be needing more mess like that.’ Arthur mumbled. He had made himself a drink of whiskey, choosing to have alcohol rather than hot tea, and downed the drink in one.

‘I also heard from the coppers on our payroll,’ Tommy started, taking another drag of his cigarette, ‘that our Irish friend is gone. He’s been posted in London.’

‘Good for fucking him.’ John said nonchalantly. It was clear to Tommy that he was losing the interest of the people at the table, so decided to wrap it up quick.

‘We’ll keep going through the winter period as we are, then think about the spring and summer period nearer the time.’

‘A lot of money to be made, Tommy.’ Arthur mumbled, and looked over to him.

‘That’s right, Arthur.’

‘Are we done then?’ John said, raising his brows and looking keen to leave. Tommy nodded slowly, slightly amused at his younger brother’s attention span.

‘I’m going back to the Garrison, you coming John?’ Arthur said, standing from his chair and neatening his waistcoat.

‘I’ll come for a couple drinks.’ John replied. He then looked over to Tommy. ‘What about you, Tommy? Fancy a few drinks?’

‘No, I’m staying here.’

‘Ah, but think about young Rose.’ Arthur said, making Tommy lift his head. He could see that Polly was looking at him, and John failed to hide a smirk.

‘What about young Rose?’ Polly asked through pursed lips. Her question was for Arthur, but she stared blankly at Tommy.

‘You know what, Polly, we’ll let Tommy tell you.’

‘More like Romeo.’ John laughed. Arthur joined in and pushed John out the door before Tommy could get angry at them.

Tommy met Polly’s eyes, and let a smirk grace his lips. Polly’s knowing looks were usually brushed off, but he found it amusing that time.

‘Tommy?’

‘Arthur may have seen me and Rose … kissing. In the Garrison.’ Tommy admitted, and he felt smug in doing so. He wondered if Polly would be bitter about not being told in the development of the relationship.

‘Kissing. That’s tame for you, isn’t it?’

Tommy couldn’t think of something smart to respond with, so he just nodded slowly. To style out his poor attempt at a comeback, he lit another cigarette and got up from his seat.

If Polly had more to say, Tommy didn’t give her the chance. He headed out onto the streets of Watery Lane rather than back into his office, the night was drawing in and the thoughts about Rose were getting worse. He was reminded of kissing her, but like with all other things, Tommy wanted more. However, he highly doubted Rose would be keen to fulfil his interests at that moment in time, so instead of heading to the Garrison, just like his brothers had done, he turned in the other direction and headed to the one person who could satisfy his needs.

It had surely been a record that week, but Tommy didn’t want to keep count due to his shame at having to see to his needs. Lizzie had been more brazen with her comments about Tommy turning up so regularly, that night would’ve been the third in one week. The first time Tommy went to see Lizzie that week didn’t last longer than ten minutes, it wasn’t his finest moment. His base need to release into someone rather than his hand took over, Lizzie just bent over and took it, knowing that Tommy wasn’t going to be coerced into doing anything fun.

The second time Tommy went to see Lizzie was completely different. Tommy felt generous and bided his time with her, all the while imagining that she was Rose and that he was making love to her. He bit, sucked and teased every part of her body, from her lips, down her neck, to her breasts and then hitting the sweet spot between her legs. It was Lizzie moaning in his ear, but he wanted it to be Rose so badly.

The third time Tommy went to see Lizzie, his needs had changed again. It was all for him, something he had been wondering for a few days. Rose seemed so innocent, and he guessed that making love to her would bring out the most pleasure, but he wanted to know how Rose would react to just pure fucking. Tommy kept quiet when he first saw Lizzie, and when he had her on tenterhooks, he gave her a simple order.

‘Take your clothes off.’

When Lizzie had complied, she began to get on the bed, but Tommy stopped her with another order.

‘Get on your knees.’

Tommy’s voiced cracked slightly, but Lizzie didn’t pick up on it. Tommy liked to imagine that Rose would be as obedient, he closed his eyes for just a moment to picture it. As he opened them, the straining in his trousers became more intense. He didn’t even remove his clothes, just strode up to Lizzie and stood only a few inches from her. When she moved her hands up to help him, Tommy gave her another order.

‘Hands behind your back.’

Like before, Lizzie did as she was told. When Tommy’s cock was standing unashamedly in front of Lizzie’s face, he grabbed the back of her head with both hands, fingers intertwining in her hair, and he guided her mouth all the way to the base of his cock. Tommy didn’t care if Lizzie gagged or let out a cry, the rhythm was set and kept by him.

Tommy didn’t know if going to Lizzie so regularly was a good or bad thing. It was good in the sense that he was letting his frustrations out, almost like a routine, meaning that he didn’t snap at people unnecessarily, and it made seeing Rose a lot easier on some level. However, imagining Rose sucking his cock or whimpering as he kissed her core made him feel like he’d hit a brick wall. He couldn’t do those things with her, no matter how much he wanted to. He was worried that Rose would lose respect for him if he mentioned anything like that, and they had come so far already, Tommy didn’t want to risk their good friendship.

Tommy wondered if kissing Rose was bad for him, not only was he losing his mind, his pocket was losing out as well with the amount of notes he was giving Lizzie.

\-----

The Garrison was ready for the festive period, Rose even put up a nutcracker surrounded by tinsel in the back office. It wasn’t going to be the merriest of Christmas’s, but Rose made an effort to make it good for herself. Her parents weren’t the celebrating kind, they had just put a tree up with a few decorations, but it was nothing special. What decoration weren’t put up in Rose’s house were in the Garrison, Arthur hadn’t minded, and Rose was sure that he liked them too.

Then there was the issue of presents. Her parents had made it clear that they weren’t doing presents that year, and that didn’t bother Rose much. She had knitted a scarf for her great aunt, it had become a running joke that since the moment auntie Edna had taught her how to knit, the only good thing Rose could create was a scarf.

Then there was the thought of Tommy. Rose wanted to get something special for Tommy, but not something bought from a shop. Tommy seemed like he wasn’t easily impressed, so a bottle of whiskey or a knitted scarf wasn’t going to do the trick. Rose ended up with an idea eventually, and did her best to get it done before Christmas Eve.

Arthur had Rose working on Christmas Eve, but she didn’t mind since it meant she didn’t have to be at home with her gloomy parents. Arthur was feeling the Christmas spirit that evening, Rose could hear him bellowing Joy to the World as he was on the main floor closing up the pub. Rose thought it was funny at first, but soon enough she couldn’t focus on the books. It was nearing nine, and Rose thought it best to leave the books for when she was next in.

Rose said her goodbyes to Arthur and Harry, and made sure her scarf was tight before heading outside. Small Heath was deathly cold, especially at night time and Rose paced the pavement to get to Watery Lane. She was just going to stop for five minutes, just to give Tommy his present and then she’d head back. Rose almost felt embarrassed at gift giving, she wasn’t sure how well her present would be received and was nervous about Tommy’s reaction.

With her heart pounding in her chest, Rose knocked on the door and waited. Polly was the one to open it, but with her nerves getting the better of her, sounded almost rude in trying to get to see Tommy in his office.

‘Just in there, love.’ Polly wasn’t bothered if Rose was being rude, and the smirk she had on her face wasn’t hidden either. As common courtesy, Polly closed the green doors to let Rose have some privacy.

Tommy looked up when the doors were opened, and smiled when he saw who walked through. Rose didn’t visit many times, they kept to their own work and seemed to only meet when business was meant to be discussed, but he was glad that she showed up.

‘Merry Christmas, Rose.’ Tommy greeted. Rose smiled back and went to place herself in the chair in front of his desk. It was something only Tommy picked up on quickly, but they didn’t greet with a kiss. They had only kissed twice before, but the need to be close to her was great, Tommy hoped that things could move on between them.

‘I wanted to see you, because I have something for you.’ Rose didn’t look comfortable as she spoke, her nerves were getting the better of her.

‘We didn’t say we were giving presents.’ Tommy said. He was leant forward in his chair, giving his full attention to Rose, the papers in front of him were forgotten about.

‘I know, but …’ Rose trailed off, Tommy’s blue eyes were making her lose rational thought. Instead of trying to explain herself, Rose reached into her bag and pulled out a small present, something small wrapped in white tissue paper. She reached forward and handed it to Tommy, she didn’t expect him to open it straight away, but he did so anyway.

Rose watched as Tommy was careful in unwrapping the paper, a smirk was on his face from the notion at getting a present, but it fell when he realised what it was.

Rose had come up with the idea when she was looking through her knitting kit when making her great aunt’s present, she found the sewing needles at the bottom. Her sewing skills were decent enough, and then the thought of a personalised handkerchief popped into her mind. Rose went to the best fabric shop in Birmingham, it took a bus ride to get there, with the intention that she was going to buy silk. However, the prices made her eyes almost fall out of her head, and settled with cotton instead. She had put so many hours into making sure it was perfect, and the look on Tommy’s face was good enough for Rose.

Tommy took the piece of fabric from the wrapping and held it delicately in his hands. On one corner was the initials T.S, sewn in black thread in a neat font, then when Tommy unfolded it, there was something else sewn onto the opposite corner. He turned the cloth in his hand and ran his thumb over it, looking closely the thread was in the shape of a running horse, in black like his initials were.

Tommy was taken aback in how beautiful a piece of cloth could look. So much care had been taken with it, Tommy didn’t feel as if he was worthy to have it.

‘Tommy?’

Tommy looked up to Rose, he didn’t know how long he’d been silent for, but the nervous look on Rose’s face told him that she thought the silence wasn’t a good thing.

‘Do you like it?’ Rose’s voice was small, the lack of response from Tommy made her wonder if she had made the right choice in the present.

Tommy wanted to scoff at Rose’s question, there was no doubt in his mind that he loved the present.

‘Yes, thank you, Rose.’ Tommy couldn’t have sounded more genuine, he felt as if he wanted to jump over his desk and sweep Rose in his arms, no matter how stupid that would’ve made him look. He didn’t, however, as Rose nodded her head, smiled and stood up to leave. Tommy wasn’t expecting her to move so quickly, and spoke up to stop her.

‘Hang on.’

Rose had just stood up, but sat back down, looking over longingly at Tommy. She watched as Tommy opened the top drawer of his desk, not thinking that there was something in there for her.

Tommy had only bought the present two days prior, it had been a mix of being too busy to go out and not wanting to send anyone else to get it, and having no idea what Rose would want. He knew her family weren’t well off like his, and that her wardrobe was small, she’d go through her whole wardrobe in just a few days, but Tommy didn’t want to buy her clothes, and he didn’t think a raise would’ve gone down well with Rose. Tommy thought of jewellery, it was a common enough gift but meaningful as well, so he forced himself to go to a jewellers.

Shopping was not something that brought Tommy joy. That, mixed with the Christmas rush, almost made him give up on the idea, but he almost did a double take when he saw the perfect gift. He didn’t care for the price, nor any other person who wanted to buy it, as soon as he saw it, he knew it was for Rose.

Tommy handed over the black velvet case, and Rose didn’t seem too sure. She took it with trepidation, she hadn’t expected a gift in return, as Tommy had said that they hadn’t talked about exchanging gifts. Without a word, she lifted the lid on the case, and felt her breath catch in her throat. A gold necklace lay on the small black cushion, but it wasn’t a plain gold necklace. On the chain lay a small, delicate rose, all gold, and looking closely, there was small diamonds running up the stem, four altogether. Rose was able to pick it up with the tip of her finger, it seemed so fragile that she didn’t want risk breaking it.

‘Rose?’

Tommy called Rose’s name just like she did with him, silence for both of them didn’t sit well. However, Rose couldn’t bring herself to say anything, the gift was too beautiful it had made her speechless. She almost felt as if there were tears in her eyes, but refused to let that happen as she looked up to Tommy.

Before either of them could say anymore, Tommy took the lead and stood up from his desk. He walked around and beckoned Rose to stand up as well. The room remained silent as Tommy took the open velvet case from Rose’s hands and took the chain between his fingers. Rose knew what he was doing, so turned around and swept her hair up from her neck, giving Tommy the chance to bring the necklace around her neck to clasp it. Tommy took his time in clasping the necklace, he wanted to savour the image of how Rose’s hair fell in tendrils, and how smooth the back of her neck looked.

Once the clasp was together, Tommy didn’t give Rose a chance to let her hair down and turn around, he put a hand on hers that was holding her hair up and reached down to put his lips on Rose’s soft skin.

Rose couldn’t move her hand with Tommy’s on it, but felt him wrap his fingers around hers to bring it down, her hair fell as Tommy moved his head away, and Rose turned. Kissing was a normal act between them, and gift giving made the passion rise. Tommy didn’t hold back in bringing Rose’s body to his, she could feel the tips of his fingers lowering down her back, but she didn’t stop him. It was only when their breath was becoming sparse that they had to part their mouths.

As soon as they had gained a few puffs of air, Tommy brought his nose to Rose’s, and in an unusual move, he rubbed it slowly against hers. Rose let out a small moan and closed her eyes.

‘Rose.’ Tommy whispered. With her eyes closed, Rose couldn’t see that Tommy was watching her intensely, with so many words on the tip of his tongue, but nothing could come of it as Rose brought her lips to close on Tommy’s again.

It was hard for both of them to say goodbye that night, Tommy had hold of Rose’s hand and it didn’t feel right to let go. As a final goodbye, and a chance to get a blush from Rose, Tommy kissed her hand sweetly after he had taken her to the front door. They wished one another a Merry Christmas, and Rose swore she saw a smile on his lips, wider than one she’d ever seen before.

As Rose walked home that night, the urge to cry was great. No matter how good it could be between herself and Tommy, there was always the thought that tainted the experience. The necklace hung around Rose’s neck like the Sword of Damocles, and the personalised handkerchief wouldn’t have been enough to coerce Tommy into being less angry when the truth eventually came out.

Despite the ill feeling in her stomach from Tommy’s affection, Rose kept the necklace on from the moment it went around her neck, only taking it off to bathe and sleep. Rose hid it under her clothes, she wasn’t prepared for what her parents may have thought about it, considering how expensive it looked, she couldn’t have lied about where it came from.

The Christmas period with her parents wasn’t exciting, but relief came when the next lot of post arrived after Christmas day. Rose recognised the font on the letter and went to the privacy of her room to open it, preparing to weep over the contents.

_Dear Rosie,_

_I don’t want to sound smug, but I did say that you’d be spending your Christmas with friends, and by what you said in your last letter, you’ve made many. I hope that brings some happiness at this time of year. I can’t help but feel we truly missed out, I don’t want to cause grief at reminding you, but I can’t share these thoughts with anyone else. I remember how Posey was born just after the New Year, and how we had put down the decorations before she came. You would tell me that her first Christmas would be special, it would’ve brought so much joy to us to have a baby in that house at Christmas time, and I mourn when I think we never had that chance. In dedication to her I put a wreath of holly over her grave, so she knows that it’s Christmas time and we’re thinking of her, but it didn’t feel right that I was the only one to present it. I’m saddened that you couldn’t come to see me at Christmas, but I know it means that you’re living your life to how you want. With the letter, I’ve enclosed another drawing for you, two robins this time, which I can’t help but see as good luck. I send the good luck to you, of course, and perhaps you can show the picture to Mr Shelby, as you seem to talk about him in such a fine light. I send you my best wishes for the New Year, and as always, I send my love._

_Auntie Edna._

Like Rose had suspected, tears fell from her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose to calm herself. She felt guilty at not having seen her great aunt, but there was a reason to it. The thought of going back to see her, to what her old life used to be, made Rose feel sick. The years she spent at her great aunt’s had been the happiest and saddest in her life, the combination of memories were too great to confront, and Rose would’ve felt as if it had been a mistake to leave in the first place.

That, and Rose hadn’t seen Posey’s grave in almost a year. To hear that a wreath had been put on it by just her great aunt caused the first of Rose’s tears to fall, it wasn’t fair on her great aunt to perform the task solitarily. It used to be a tradition between them, they’d pick the flowers out together, then place it together, but Rose had to see the change as a good thing. Like her aunt had said, it was her living her new life.

That new life, however, wasn’t planning out to be a very long one. The mention of Tommy in her letter made bile rise in her throat. Surely, if it came down to it, Tommy would’ve been the one to ruin her family, or even possibly kill her, but her great aunt talked about him in a positive way. It was a lie, Rose had only told her great aunt of the good things Tommy did, not the big secret she was hiding.

Although the letter disheartened Rose, and she spent the rest of the day weeping in bed, Rose cleared her thoughts well enough to know to carry on the way she was. She would milk the relationship with Tommy as much as she could, it was the only form of happiness she was receiving in her life at that moment.

\-----

Tommy kept the handkerchief in his hands when he was alone in his room, letting his thumbs run over the embellished corners. It was like a safety blanket, Tommy would amuse himself with that thought, he would always hold it in his hands before he went to sleep.

Tommy was finding that sleep came easier, but not always seamlessly. There were some days where he was exhausted from the work, and just looking at the handkerchief would close his eyes and stay that way till the morning. Whenever he used the pipe before bed, guilt riddled his body, but he wouldn’t have settled without it. Tommy hoped that there would come a time when he could go a whole week without having to use the wretched pipe.

A big party was organised at the Garrison for New Year’s, it was something Tommy let Arthur sort out, it was a nice distraction and celebration for the end of the year. Tommy planned to make an appearance, he wouldn’t have been able to get out of it anyway, Arthur was talking about it every day and getting every one excited.

The Garrison was packed, but since the snug was just for Blinder use, Tommy hid himself away with the others. John, Esme and Polly were busy pouring drinks, Tommy couldn’t help but laugh when John split some down his front. John recovered quickly from it however, and started shouting to Tommy.

‘Oi, Tommy! Some more whiskey!’

‘Cos half of its down his suit!’ Esme laughed.

Tommy chuckled, stood from his seat and went over to the hatch. One of the doors was already open, probably because John had been too drunk to close it the last time around, and Tommy caught eyes with Rose.

Tommy stood for a moment, watching as Rose helped Arthur serve people from behind the bar. It was the first time he had seen her dressed up, and ran his eyes down her frame to take in the dress. It was a midnight blue, nothing too special for the night. Other women went all out with their outfits, wearing the most garish colours, but Rose was understated. Tommy assumed it was because she couldn’t afford anything like the others, but then thought that wasn’t the only reason, but that it was because Rose was always modest in how she presented herself. There was a wrap around her waist, the same blue as her dress, and Tommy’s eyes lingered. He had felt the curve of her hips with his hands before, he knew what it felt like, but seeing her in the dress made him want to touch her again. Then he saw something glinting against her chest, Tommy could see that it was the necklace. His heart warmed at the sight of it.

Rose looked to her left finally, and saw that Tommy was waiting to be served. The bar had been so busy she hadn’t noticed to begin with, that and Arthur was difficult to serve around. Arthur was juggling glasses to impress those across the counter, several times that night he had dropped them, but he hadn’t learnt for the next time he thought about trying it.

With how busy the Garrison was, Rose’s cheeks were flushed bright red. She had seen how she looked in the mirror behind the bar, but didn’t have time to dwell since there was always a glass to be filled. She had forgotten about it until she walked up to the hatch, and Tommy was giving her a small smirk.

‘What can I get you?’ Rose asked. It sounded funny to both of them, Rose said it like she didn’t know who she was serving, and the smirk was making her lose track of her thoughts.

‘Whiskey, please.’

Rose nodded and turned to get a bottle, the smile she had on her lips was hard to hide. She grabbed the bottle from the shelf and went back to the hatch, it felt good to ignore the custom as Tommy was first to be served, like she was important in serving him. With seeing Tommy’s blue blazing eyes, Rose felt courage and thought to dare herself.

‘You know, it’s customary to kiss at midnight.’

‘Who told you that?’ Tommy teased, the smirk on his lips growing wider. Rose felt a blush rise on her cheeks, caught short at how Tommy had responded, but her cheeks were already so red it didn’t show. Before Rose could move back to help Arthur with the customers, Tommy reached a hand forward and took the necklace in his fingers. Tommy didn’t care that people could see, he didn’t care that people would talk, all he cared about was the soft look Rose gave him, like she was melting into his touch.

The moment ended when Arthur called Rose back to help him, but Tommy made sure to give Rose one last look, one he knew would last with her as she carried on working. Tommy turned to bring the bottle to the table, but John and Esme were halfway out of the door, obviously too impatient to wait for Tommy. Polly was on their heels, so Tommy set the bottle on the table and poured two glasses of whiskey. Polly had just made it out of the door, the crowd was too large to go through, and Tommy went up to her side and handed over the drink.

Polly took the drink and looked back over to behind the bar, Tommy followed her gaze. Rose was back to serving people drinks, trying to stay out of Arthur’s way, but he was having too good a time. At one point, he stood behind Rose and crossed his arms, bottles in both hands and poured from a height, all the while hollering and cheering, which made Rose giggle. She tried to tell him to calm down and pour properly, but Arthur wasn’t listening and began to juggle glasses again.

‘She looks like she’s having fun.’

Tommy could just about hear Polly over the noise, and he nodded in agreement. They watched as Arthur dropped the glasses, and was herding Rose back from the mess, still making a joke of everything and telling Rose not to worry. Rose had stopped trying to control Arthur and just went with it, laughing at a comment made from someone across the counter.

‘What do you think then?’ Polly asked. Tommy looked over to see Polly’s expression, she had a slight smile on her face, Tommy thought she looked almost smug. Despite the look he was getting, Tommy stayed silent, he didn’t know what she meant, and he was sure that he didn’t want to hear it anyway.

‘Her birthday’s in March, you could do it then.’

‘Do what, Pol?’ Tommy had moved his gaze back to Rose, it was clear that Polly was talking about her.

‘Propose.’

Tommy flinched, and wasn’t sure if Polly saw it. He downed his drink quickly, and then truly thought of Rose as his wife. It had been a long time since he thought of marriage, he was sure that route of life was gone from his future. But then Rose had come into his life and changed everything.

Tommy remembered when he first met Rose, she was covered in muck from Charlie’s yard, but she had been so honest with him, only because she didn’t know who he was. Almost a year had passed, and all Tommy could think about was the look Rose would have if he presented her with a ring. He wouldn’t buy the most expensive ring, Rose wouldn’t have appreciated that, he’d buy something understated but beautiful, like her. Then Tommy thought of Rose in a wedding dress, a veil covering her face as they stood next to each other at the altar, and instead of making him feel sick or scared, it just warmed his heart.

The urge to propose was great in Tommy’s mind when he went to the back office with Rose at midnight. The thought of proposing had been so fresh in his mind, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Tommy didn’t have the courage to ask such a question, instead he just kissed Rose until he had no breath left.

\-----

The excitement of New Year’s passed, and everyone carried on with the first month with ease. With all the work that presented itself at the New Year, Tommy was busier than ever, there was no time to ponder on his personal life, not when the business needed his complete attention.

Another day of work had Tommy visiting Charlie at the yard, and like it was his uncle’s trademark, he was berated for his next plan, but in the end, he agreed to what was asked of him. As Tommy strolled home from the yard, he thought about going to the Garrison to see Rose, but fell into step with Sergeant Moss. It wasn’t usual for Sergeant Moss to talk to Tommy, so he assumed that there was information to be shared.

‘Alright there, Thomas.’ Sergeant Moss started, hands behind his back and surveying the people they passed. He was trying to act nonchalant, but Tommy couldn’t be bothered with it.

‘Sergeant.’ Tommy reached into his jacket pocket to pull out a cigarette, the match was thrown to the ground when it was lit.

‘Thought I’d share something, something you might find interesting.’

Tommy didn’t like the way Sergeant Moss had to be so cryptic, but since he was interested, didn’t berate him for talking like that.

‘You’re aware that the Inspector’s left town, but there’s something you need to know, of what he did before he left.’ Sergeant Moss left a pause before he carried on, and Tommy took a long drag of his cigarette.

‘He killed that barmaid of yours.’

Tommy didn’t falter in his steps, or forget to take a breath, but it wasn’t something he was expecting to hear. He kept his eyes to the ground as the Sergeant continued talking.

‘And he used Robert and Henry Alexander to get rid of her.’

It was then that Tommy skipped a heartbeat, to hear the Alexander name made his flex his hand and crush his lit cigarette. It burned in the palm of his hand, but he didn’t care about the pain, not when he had just been told something so great.

‘In fact,’ Sergeant Moss carried on, ‘the Inspector used the Alexander’s to get rid of all the bodies he acquired.’

Both the Sergeant and Tommy kept walking in sync, with the Sergeant with his hands still behind his back and looking over to Tommy every once in a while to gauge what his reaction was. Tommy kept his head down and eyes to the ground, not wanting to show any emotion to the Sergeant.

‘Their daughter works for you, doesn’t she Tommy? Rose, is it?’

That was the final straw for Tommy, his paced quickened and he left the Sergeant to his own business. Instead of going to the Garrison like he had planned, Tommy walked to the undertakers. So many thoughts were running through his mind, that and his hand was itching to reach his cap. He couldn’t have predicted that the Alexander’s would betray the Blinder’s, and the Inspector had been in Birmingham for almost a year, Tommy wondered how it was kept a secret for so long.

Then he wondered if Rose knew, and if she knew, why she hadn’t said anything. He couldn’t imagine Rose being able to lie for so long about something so big, it had been proved time and time again that she was a bad liar. But if she knew, so much had happened between them both that Tommy didn’t know if she was to be forgiven, if Tommy could see her as he did before the information came to light.

Tommy threw the front door open of the undertakers, Mary jolted as the bell almost ripped off the wall with how loudly it rang out. Tommy could see a look of fear in her eyes, and that was before he had said anything.

‘Mr Shelby, what can I do for you?’ Mary’s voice waivered, she swallowed thickly and closed the book in front of her. Tommy didn’t answer straight away, he let his gaze move from Mary, holding a stare to make her cower back in her seat, then he looked to the door leading to the back. Without hesitation, Tommy moved to walk through it, but Mary stood up from her seat.

‘He’s with a client.’

It wasn’t enough to stop Tommy, he wasn’t about to be told by Mrs Alexander, so opened the door anyway. Henry was sat inside in one chair, a man sat on the other chair, and both of them looked over in surprise when the door opened suddenly.

‘Mr Shelby, I-’

‘I am not in the mind to wait, Mr Alexander.’ Tommy bore his eyes into Henry’s, and something clicked in his mind. The client that was being seen had no qualms about having the meeting cut short, the sight of Tommy was enough to make him leave, but Henry wanted to leave with him.

Tommy walked over to the empty seat, the one just vacated and sat himself down. He revelled in watching Henry move like a headless chicken, he didn’t know whether to stay or go, to sit down or to get Mary, it was as if he was waiting to be told what to do. Eventually, he called Mary into the room with him, they didn’t let their eyes wander from Tommy sitting so casually in their chair.

Tommy had calmed himself enough to look intimidating. It was one thing to be full of rage to scare people, but then another to be so calm and still get the same effect. He was yet to open his mouth and start the conversation, he reached into his jacket pocket and prepared a cigarette.

The silence that filled the room was deafening, Henry and Mary shared looks with one another as they watched Tommy blow smoke to their faces. He was still not saying anything, and it made them feel uncomfortable.

‘Is it Rose?’ Mary asked timidly, trying to gauge why Tommy was being so vague in his appearance.

‘No.’ Tommy shook his head once, then went back to silence. He had thought of a million ways to start the dreaded conversation, but hearing Rose’s name was like a punch to the stomach. He’d worry about her after grilling Henry and Mary.

‘I’ve been made aware of your activities.’

The start to Tommy’s admittance was enough to make Henry and Mary lean back, both looked as if they were about to be sick. Tommy watched as they held onto each other’s hands in fright, for a moment Tommy felt sympathy for them.

‘Mr Shelby, we … the Inspector-’

‘The Inspector what?’ Tommy gave Henry a chance to explain before he made any decisions.

‘He gave us no choice.’

Tommy scoffed, it was an excuse he’d heard many times before. He took a drag of his cigarette and ignored the worried look Henry gave Mary.

‘It was do what he said, or Rose would get it.’

As Tommy flicked his eyes back to the both of them, Henry knew that his words had done the trick. The time had come for the truth to come out, and Henry had used the only tool he could think of that would try and sway Thomas. He wasn’t sure how Rose and his relationship was, but a small sense of relief washed through him when Tommy returned his gaze at the sound of Rose’s name. It wasn’t a lie, Rose had been mentioned many times by the Inspector, but Henry and Mary had decided not to tell her that piece of information, they didn’t want to worry her.

‘The Inspector knew about Rose working for you, and would mention that he may be the one to let you know what we did for him.’

‘But now I know.’ Tommy said calmly. The conversation wasn’t going as Tommy had expected, but the interesting turn had him on the edge of his seat. He watched as Henry shared another worried look to Mary, and stared until he spoke again.

‘He wouldn’t just threaten telling you the truth.’ Henry said, he swallowed thickly and couldn’t settle his gaze. ‘He would talk about Rose as well, and what he’d do to her if we, my brother and I, didn’t do to what he wanted.’

Tommy wanted to upturn the table in front of him, the frustration coursing through his veins was putting him on edge. Everything was made that little more difficult now that Rose was in the mix, he was sure that she wouldn’t have any part of it. Whether Henry was lying or not didn’t come across Tommy’s mind, all he heard was that Rose had been threatened, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Tommy didn’t care that he looked angry over what Henry was saying, his fist was clenched in front of his face, knuckles turning white at the tension. Henry and Mary were waiting for Tommy’s next move, secretly happy that Rose had made such an impression on Tommy for their skins to be saved. It wouldn’t be mentioned until Tommy had left, however.

‘Next time you cross the Blinders, I will know about it, and I will come back. Someone wants to use you for their dirty business, you let me know.’

That was the only thing Tommy could think of saying before lifting himself from the chair and storming out of the door. He couldn’t stop the rage in his body, but he had no way of channelling it. He had no idea that the Inspector was targeting Rose, all the times Tommy met with Campbell, and he had that secret with him. It was taunting him, the thought that Campbell knew something he didn’t, Tommy stormed back to Watery Lane with too many thoughts for his mind to comprehend.

Tommy settled himself down in his office, but didn’t focus on any of the work placed on his desk, he was trying to process everything in his mind. When he had first found out that the Alexander’s had betrayed the Blinders, he thought to do what happened to the other double-crossers, but he had to think again, since it was Rose’s family. If Rose wasn’t in the picture, Tommy would’ve had one task to carry out.

Tommy wasn’t sure what to do next, so he sent for Finn to run to the Garrison. Henry and Mary hadn’t specified if Rose had known about the situation, let alone the Inspector wanting to target her. Despite the fact that Tommy was angry, there was a plan working in his mind. He had to test Rose, he had to see how she would react under pressure. It was just something he had to see, to know that there was a part of her that could fight back.

The house wasn’t too busy, so Tommy felt fine conducting his plan in front of his family. It wouldn’t have been long until they found out the truth anyway. Tommy smoked a cigarette as he waited for Finn to come back with Rose, and soon enough, she walked through the green doors, eyes locking on his straight away. He didn’t offer a smile, and he noticed that changed the way she acted towards him. As soon as she could tell that Tommy was in a bad mood, she didn’t bother in trying to push through it.

‘Yes, Tommy?’ Rose said after opening the door. Tommy didn’t say anything as he gestured for her to take the seat in front of his desk, the atmosphere in the room was miles different from Christmas time, there was a cold animosity in which Rose was made uncomfortable.

Like with her parents, Tommy was giving her the silent treatment. He tried to keep a level head, but with the thoughts of Campbell targeting her, Tommy couldn’t keep eye contact for much longer. He stubbed out his cigarette, then leaned back in his chair.

‘I heard that your family betrayed us. That they were doing sly deals behind the Blinders backs with the Inspector.’

Tommy watched as Rose shifted in her seat, her eyes widened slightly and lips parted, but Tommy knew that it wasn’t from surprise at the information, it was because she knew about it. Rose stayed quiet as she waited until for Tommy to carry on berating her, unsure of what to do with herself.

‘I’m guessing from the look on your face that you knew all about it, but you didn’t say anything. Why not, Rose? Have something to hide?’

‘Don’t you dare talk to me like that.’ Rose gained her confidence from hearing Tommy slate her, it wasn’t fair that she was the one being told off after her family were the ones who deserved the chastising.

Tommy felt emboldened by Rose’s decision to snap back at him, so taunted her further. ‘Were you double crossing me, in on it with them?’

‘If I was, I would’ve let the Inspector get you.’ Rose said, proving her point. She saw the way Tommy’s lips curled at the corners, and couldn’t understand why he was receiving pleasure from talking to her so horribly.

‘They never told me anything, to begin with.’ Rose started to explain herself, anything to get the smug look off of Tommy’s face. ‘I only heard snippets through listening at the door. I kept it to myself all this time to save them, not as some favour to you.’

It hurt to hear Rose talk like that, but he understood her reasoning. ‘You had the information.’

‘You can’t shoot the messenger, especially as I was loyal enough to keep my mouth shut for my family’s sake.’

Tommy didn’t say his thoughts out loud, but he could understand why Rose had been so loyal. She didn’t give anything away about the Inspector, Tommy wondered if Henry and Mary had even said anything to her about him, so decided to keep it to himself.

‘You can pay me back from saving you from Campbell. Don’t touch my family.’ Rose was bargaining with Tommy, he hadn’t expected that dynamic between them and was taken aback for a moment. Before Tommy could reply, however, the green doors slammed open and Arthur came storming through. The glass from his office door almost smashed from how violently Arthur had opened it.

‘Oi! You’re not getting rid of my accountant!’ Arthur bellowed, finger pointed directly at Tommy. The ridiculousness of the situation almost made Tommy laugh.

‘It’s settled, Arthur.’ Tommy said, and he noticed that John and Polly had moved themselves to stand near the open door, keen to listen in on what was a private conversation.

‘Rose had nothing to do with anything.’

Tommy looked behind Arthur to see that Finn was hiding near the green doors. All Tommy had said to Finn was that he needed to speak with Rose urgently, but after a succession of why’s, Tommy had slammed his fists on the table and seethed that her family had messed up. Finn looked sheepish as he watched from the safety of the other room.

‘Tommy knows that I’ve been valuable to him, he won’t fire me, Arthur.’

At hearing Rose talk so bluntly, Tommy returned his gaze to her. He noticed how her brows were furrowed in anger, but her eyes gave the game away. It was unlike her to talk so harshly, Rose seemed unsure of herself, but held her gaze to Tommy in defiance.

‘Good, she’s been good to us Tommy, don’t be a fool.’

Tommy didn’t get a chance to explain his decision, Rose let her heightened feelings get the better of her.

‘Oh, he’s a fool alright, a fool for thinking that I’m scared of him.’

It was rare for Tommy to experience shock, but his head recoiled in how blunt Rose sounded, but he was also impressed. Tommy felt as if the words had fallen out of his head, he watched with a blank expression as Rose stood up and stared down at him.

‘A decent apology will be suitable enough.’

With a nod of her head, Rose promptly left the office, leaving Tommy speechless in his office chair. It was not how he expected the conversation to go, and it was unlike Tommy to let someone get the upper hand, but Rose had truly shocked him. He had wanted her to show him that she could fight back, and she had done just that.

‘Didn’t know she had it in her.’ John said from outside the office, he was chewing on a toothpick, but that didn’t hide his smile. Polly had her lips pursed, however, not happy that Rose had stormed out of the room.

‘What did you say, Thomas? Why is she upset?’ Polly walked up to the door of his office with her arms crossed over her chest. Tommy sighed deeply, Polly, Arthur and John were waiting for an answer.

‘The Alexander’s worked with the Inspector against their will to do his dirty work, I just found out today.’

‘Right, so we show them what happens when-’

‘No, John.’ Tommy knew where John was heading, and cut him off quickly. ‘That’s Rose’s family, we don’t touch them.’

Tommy didn’t care that it sounded as if he was on Rose’s side, or if he was admitting some of his feelings to all of them. ‘Like Rose had said, she helped me when the Inspector was out for me that night. We’re equal now.’

Tommy wouldn’t hear any more of it, he gestured for Arthur to leave his office and he pretended that he wanted to carry on with his work. Polly had given him a knowing look, but it passed Tommy by on purpose, he wasn’t in the mood to discuss what had just happened.

For the rest of the evening, Tommy sat and thought. It was difficult to think that Rose still had a job under Shelby Company Limited when her family had betrayed them, but from what her parents had said, they didn’t have a choice in working with the Inspector. It would’ve been easy for Tommy to forgive her parents for protecting their daughter, and Tommy could understand that Rose kept quiet for the sake of her family. To know that Rose put her family so highly in her mind warmed his feelings for her, despite it going against his family. Tommy could understand loyalty to families, no matter who else was affected because of it.

Long after the sun had set, Tommy was still in his office. He had gone from smoking cigarette after cigarette to opening his desk drawer and taking out the handkerchief Rose had made him. Tommy had conflicted feelings about it, however, there was a niggling thought in his mind that Rose had only made it to soften the blow when he found out the truth. It was a sick thought to think, Tommy wanted to believe that Rose’s feelings towards him were genuine, but when he got that though in mind, he looked back on all their shared moments with heartache. He didn’t want to think that Rose had kissed him to cover up a lie, he had to find out for himself before he went crazy.

\-----

When Rose entered Watery Lane, she felt like crying. Being blunt was not something that came naturally, but she had to prove her point to Tommy. She saw the way he reacted, he could do nothing but stare back in shock, and in truth, she had shocked herself. That night she walked home with shivers in her body, the truth had been revealed and she handled it better than expected.

For the first time in a long time, her parents said Grace at dinner. Henry sat with one hand in Mary’s and another in Rose’s, and he said his thanks to God for how the day had gone. Rose didn’t realise that her parents felt so strongly about the truth being out, and felt strange that they needed to pray about it. They ate dinner in silence, Rose wondered if they still felt scared to sleep in their bed that night, Rose hadn’t told them exactly what was said to Tommy. Since they didn’t know about Rose hiding Tommy at Ms Harding’s house, Rose neglected to say that she and Tommy were even, so Henry and Mary were unsure of where their future lay.

It was difficult for Rose to get to sleep that night, she too wondered if Tommy would pay them a visit when they least expected it. Rose relayed all that she said to Tommy, thinking that she hadn’t said enough to defend herself, even when Tommy had said everything was settled. Rose wasn’t to know that things had been truly settled until the next day.

As Rose got dressed the next morning, Tommy’s necklace glinted on her bedside table. Rose didn’t know if it was a good idea to put it on, and wondered if Tommy would ask for it back. It was a beautiful piece of jewellery, it would’ve been upsetting to part with it, but then remembered how she had thought before. If she wasn’t to have a good thing for a long time, she’d use it until it was gone. That was the way Rose had thought about her relationship with Tommy, she didn’t know how long it would be until the truth came out, so she took every opportunity as it came to savour the good thing while it lasted.

Rose tucked the necklace under her shirt, Tommy wouldn’t have known if she was wearing it, it felt like a secret only she knew about.

Arthur was already in the Garrison when Rose arrived for her shift, it was unavoidable to not talk to him, he came out from behind the bar to her side.

‘Tommy told us what happened, Rose.’ Arthur spoke with a sombre voice, Rose felt uncomfortable in what he was going to say next.

‘I just want you to know that I don’t blame you, about what happened. I want you to stay on as an employee.’

‘Thank you.’ It was all Rose could say, she appreciated Arthur’s words of encouragement, but knew that everything was down to Tommy’s decision, even the Garrison, which was in Arthur’s name. It was up to Tommy to decide her future with the company.

The morning was quiet, Rose felt her stomach churn every time she could hear the doors opening, her guilty conscious was making her paranoid. Her paranoia wasn’t out of nothing, however, and when Rose’s ears perked up at the sound of the door opening, she could hear footsteps getting closer to the office door. The stayed stock still as she saw a shadow appear at the glass, then watched the door open.

Rose stood to attention when Tommy walked through the door, the sight of him didn’t bring her happiness, but anticipation, her stomach churned uncomfortably and she felt near faint at his presence. Tommy had his usual expression, it didn’t matter if he was to deliver the worst news, his face stayed blank to not give anything away.

‘I am sorry, Rose.’ Tommy started, softening his gaze on her. Rose didn’t understand why Tommy was sorry at first, but was not about to question it.

‘You were right, you’ve been valuable to me over the past couple of months, and it was wrong to assume that you were going behind my back.’

Rose kept strong eye contact with Tommy, she wanted to ingrain the memory of Tommy eating his own words and verbally apologising, Rose guessed that it only happened once in a blue moon. The stare was so intense that Tommy ended up looking down to his feet.

‘Sorry.’ Tommy said again.

‘It’s alright.’ Rose whispered. Tommy looked up to see that Rose had relaxed, her shoulders weren’t stiff and her expression had relaxed.

‘But we’re not equal anymore.’

Tommy nodded slowly. ‘I owe you something.’

Rose thought to milk the situation for all it was worth, she had Tommy in the palm of her hand and it felt like an opportunity too good to pass by.

‘A new dress?’

Rose scoffed at Tommy’s suggestion. ‘You’ve known me long enough by now, Tommy, I’m not interested in things like that.’

Tommy smiled softly as a thought crossed his mind. ‘Alright, but I’ll take you out to dinner, and I’ll buy you a new dress for it. That’s just me being a gentleman, it won’t be my favour.’

Before Rose could take in all Tommy had said, he turned around and left the back office. Rose didn’t have a chance to reply to Tommy, to say that dinner and a new dress was too much, Tommy had left so he wasn’t rejected.

Rose let a long sigh leave her mouth, and she collapsed back in her chair. The previous day had been strange, but that day seemed to be stranger. Rose didn’t think that it was usual for Tommy to take double-crossers to dinner, and thought that it might’ve been a trick. But then she thought to the small smile that crossed his lips, she had stared right at it, it was a smile she had seen just a few times before. That smile happened before Tommy leaned in for a kiss, Rose could sometimes feel it against her lips when they connected, so got rid of the thoughts of Tommy having a trick up his sleeve.

The dinner would be a chance to patch up whatever problems they had with one another, and for things to be explained properly. Unbeknownst to Rose, the dinner was also Tommy’s idea of a date, and would’ve happily reminded Rose if she hadn’t realised that by the time he’d bought her a dress, then wined and dined her. Rose only saw it as another reason for her stomach to churn in anticipation, she wasn’t in the right mind to settle until the dinner had happened and the truth was out.

\-----

The dress that Tommy had mentioned arrived a few days after Tommy said he was taking her to dinner. There were two boxes that arrived, and Henry and Mary were intrigued to know who had sent the crisp, white boxes to the house. It looked expensive just from the packaging, there was gold writing embossed on the lid, Rose couldn’t imagine just how much money Tommy spent on her. The thoughts of Tommy tricking her left her mind, he wouldn’t have bought her such clothes to wear to stab her in the back.

Rose kept the boxes closed until the night of the dinner. She couldn’t explain her reasoning, but knew it when she opened the box that Saturday night. The dress looked fine, Rose ran her fingertips along the fabric, it felt light and luxurious. If she had opened the box before that night, Rose would’ve demanded that Tommy send it back and she choose for herself.

The other box was a pair of new shoes, looking just as lavish as the dress. Rose felt herself holding her breath as she dressed herself, she daren’t look into the mirror until she was ready, she didn’t look at anything but her hair until it was set right.

Rose took herself to the full-length mirror when she was ready, and was taken aback. The dress flowed down Rose’s body, it was light pink and swirled when she turned quickly. Rose thought that she hadn’t looked so pretty before in her life, then her stomach churned at what Tommy would think. He was the one that had chosen the dress, but Rose wasn’t sure how he had gotten her measurements right. The last thing to put on was the necklace, it settled on the lace that rested across her chest, and Rose wore it out of the dress rather than tucked in.

Rose waited until Tommy arrived to pick her up, she said a brief goodbye to her parents before she left, but they caught her before she could run out the door.

‘Rose, you look …’ Mary looked shocked, she ran her eyes up and down to take in the outfit.

‘For Thomas?’ Henry asked. Rose had said that Tommy was taking her out, but they didn’t understand that he wanted to see Rose in such an outfit. Rose nodded her head, said her goodbyes and headed out the door. That night wasn’t about her parents, but for Rose to talk candidly with Tommy, she had to focus on herself, not matter how awkward the outfit made her feel.

Tommy was standing by his car just in front of the house, he thought it would be appropriate to travel in style. When Rose walked through the door, her body was illuminated by the streetlamps, but her coat was wrapped around her, so he couldn’t see if she was wearing the dress.

‘Miss Alexander.’ Tommy greeted Rose. It was clear that he was in a good mood, Rose just hoped that it wasn’t a trick and that he was making fun of her. Rose gave a weak smile in return, she felt a little faint at being in Tommy’s company, not just because he scared her, but the dress was the most revealing thing she had worn in his company, and she hadn’t even taken her coat off yet.

Tommy opened the car door for Rose, and she stepped in without a word. He could feel the nerves off of her, and thought of ways to settle her. Just as Rose had stepped into the car, Tommy had seen a glint of light off of Rose’s chest, and his heart warmed at the thought that Rose was wearing the necklace he had bought for her. Her handkerchief was in the pocket of blazer, it meant something that they were both wearing items of sentimentality, like they had already patched up their differences by showing off their gifts.

Tommy’s quest in making Rose feel less nervous started as soon as he turned the car on, she was sat stock still in her seat, looking as if she’d rather be anywhere else apart from in his company. Tommy knew that wasn’t strictly true, since she was wearing the necklace, but thought to calm her.

‘Don’t look so nervous.’ Tommy said, keeping his head facing the road. He could see out of the corner of his eye that Rose had looked over suddenly. ‘This is a chance to get everything on the table.’

Rose’s stomach did flips as Tommy talked, it wasn’t going to just be an evening out, it was to make all that had happened clear for the both of them. Rose knew something like that had to occur, they couldn’t go on with their relationship without knowing all the facts, but Rose wished it had happened before she was wearing the nice dress.

‘I know, sorry.’ Rose apologised.

‘Guilty conscience?’ Tommy teased. He didn’t think Rose apologising was necessary, and wanted to make light of the situation. It caused the right effect, as he heard Rose scoff a laugh, she looked over and they shared a smile with each other. Tommy saw that Rose’s shoulders weren’t so tense, he knew he had made a dent into Rose’s worry.

The restaurant was very fancy, Rose was sure that they couldn’t have been in Birmingham since it was so fancy. Rose watched as Tommy greeted the man by the door, their coats were handed over, and they were quickly taken to a seat on the other side of the room. The man pulled out the chair for Rose, but Tommy quickly brushed him aside so that he could do it himself. Rose’s heart fluttered, and said thank you when Tommy pushed her chair in.

Rose had made it clear in her mind that she was going to be truthful about everything. She had to get her feelings across to Tommy, to be as honest as she could, but would draw the line at Posey. It wasn’t time yet, there was still a lot of damage to be sorted through before Tommy was made privy to that information.

‘We need to get the horrible bit out of the way first.’ Tommy said. He had taken his seat on the other side of the table, and had his arms resting on the table in front of him. Rose nodded her head in agreement, and braced herself for the line of questioning.

‘How long had you known about it?’ Tommy wasn’t holding back, he wanted to get the unsavoury bit out of the way, then they could enjoy the rest of their meal.

‘I heard them talking ages ago, I was listening through the door at the time.’ Rose admitted. As she thought through the information in her head, there was the urge to skip certain parts, but stopped herself, knowing that it wasn’t the right thing to do. ‘It was the IRA man the first time around, the Inspector gave my uncle money to do it.’

Tommy nodded slowly, taking in all that was being said. He didn’t want to interrupt Rose, however, even though there were questions forming in his mind.

‘Then I listened in again, sometime after that, I can’t remember how long, but I don’t know who the body was.’ Rose didn’t stop herself before saying what she was dreading. ‘They talked about me being able to help when things were found out. They wanted me to stay employed so that I could make ties with you and your family.’ Rose neglected to mention the term ‘butter Tommy up’ as she felt it cut too close to what she hated about her parents scheming.

‘It was Black Star Day that I sat down with them and asked them to tell the truth. That’s what why I wanted to quit when I came to the Garrison, do you remember?’

Tommy nodded and blinked slowly, he had thought about that over and over in his mind, and it was a relief to know what was truly wrong. Tommy had convinced himself that it was something to do with him, and was glad to be proved wrong on that occasion.

‘They said that the Inspector knew about me working for you, they said that he knew that I had one foot in the Alexander family, and the other in the Shelby family. My parents said that they hoped enough had happened between us that you wouldn’t be angry when the truth came out.’

Rose took a deep breath when she finished, her heart was pounding in her chest, but she had said everything that had been on her mind. It felt wrong admitting that her parents were using her as a way to be sweet with Tommy, and she wondered what he was thinking. Tommy sat still in his chair, his eyes has lowered to the table, mulling over everything Rose had admitted.

‘I’m impressed that you’ve been so honest, Rose.’ Tommy eventually said, looking up with a soft gaze.

‘I have to, I can’t lie to you anymore Tommy. I’m really sorry this happened.’ Rose gave Tommy a genuine look, and Tommy thought that he could tell if she was lying; at that moment, she was being truthful.

‘So am I. It’s a shame that business can go like that sometimes.’

Tommy saw Rose relax in her chair, he felt emboldened that his words could calm Rose so quickly.

‘Am I forgiven?’

Tommy took a second to study Rose’s expression, she was waiting eagerly for his response. Her eyebrows were raised in anticipation, everything was hanging on Tommy’s response, and in a rare move, Tommy answered with full honesty, and a slight smile.

‘Of course.’

If Rose hadn’t been relaxed before, it was after Tommy’s response that she melted into her seat. The tension that had been held between them disappeared, and once the wine arrived, they settled into easy conversation.

Rose’s heart settled, and she noticed a glint in Tommy’s eye. He carried on talking about the business, and Rose was left to think that she had doubted their relationship. She had been ready to give everything up for just a few kisses with Tommy, but there he was, across the table and talking to her as if nothing had happened between them. Rose felt as if it was hard to believe that the truth was out, and Tommy wasn’t angry anymore. He had agreed to everything she had said, and was ready to carry on like before.

‘There is one thing that’s been on my mind, Rose.’ Tommy said. Their starter had just been taken from them, Rose had been occupied with how good the food was. She daren’t think how expensive the bill would’ve been, it felt slightly wrong to indulge.

‘My Christmas present,’ Tommy put a hand to his blazer pocket to gesture that it was there with him, ‘you put effort into it. You knew all of your parents’ wrongdoings, with no idea how I would react, but you helped me when Campbell was looking for me, gave me the gift, kissed me. Was it for your parents’ benefit?’ Tommy knew he had to be harsh with his words, he wouldn’t have got his point across otherwise. He saw the way Rose’s face fell, but Tommy knew that it would be followed with the truth.

‘At first, I thought it would be. The gift was so personal to make, but, the reason it was so personal was because …’ Rose breathed in and looked Tommy dead in the eyes, ‘I have feelings for you. I had, almost like a death wish, laying out such personal parts of myself to you. At that point, I felt as if I had nothing to lose, but everything to gain.’

Tommy stared on, speechless, he looked over to Rose with a longing stare. Rose felt put on the spot with how intense Tommy was gazing at her, and couldn’t stop herself from talking.

‘I didn’t want it seem like I was setting up to fail. I was taking the opportunities as they came, and wasn’t thinking about the long-standing effects if you were to ruin my family.’ Rose couldn’t stop herself, it felt so good to get everything off of her chest. ‘I was acting selfish for the first time in my life, it just so happened that you were a part of it.’

‘And still am.’ Tommy said. He had found his voice and confidence through Rose’s words, and felt his heart swell at knowing she felt the same as him.

‘Has it been tainted? It felt so pure beforehand.’ Rose asked.

‘Don’t flatter me poetics, it’s changed for the better. Trust, Rose.’

Rose knew there was a double meaning to Tommy’s words, she could tell through the look he was giving her. The way in which the word ‘trust’ came out of his mouth evoked something inside of her mind, Rose wondered if Tommy was referencing the other secret she was keeping from him. Rose had told herself that she wasn’t ready, but knew that it was Tommy’s way of reminding her that it was still there.

The rest of the evening went on like a dream, the meal was the best Rose had ever had, but it wasn’t the best part. Tommy had started flirting shamelessly with her, Rose knew this since she could feel her cheeks going warm from how much she was blushing. It was a quick change from truth telling to flirting, but it felt right.

When Tommy took Rose home, he walked her to the front door, even though it was just a few paces. Like a gentleman, Tommy kissed the back of her hand but didn’t stop there. From Rose’s hand, Tommy brought himself down to Rose’s lips, neither of them cared that the whole street could see a Blinder kissing the undertaker’s daughter, all they cared about was being close, and to start patching up what had been ruined by Rose’s family’s decisions.

During the week, when most things had calmed down, Rose set about making a loaf of bread. She had made the recipe many times before, each time with her great aunt, and it was to be her peace offering to Polly. Rose had still gone to work like usual, but hadn’t set foot inside the house at Watery Lane, mostly in fear of what Polly would say to her. She hadn’t asked through Tommy or Arthur what Polly’s opinion was of her family’s betrayal, she thought to be a grown up and go there herself, but with a loaf of bread to offer, as well as many apologies.

The bread had sat and cooled for an hour, that hour consisted of Rose plucking up the courage to put the bread in the basket and leave the house. Eventually, Rose picked up the bread, put it in her basket, covered it with a cloth and set out the door, once she was out and walking along the street there was no turning back.

Rose was just as worried about Polly as she had been with Tommy, she had high opinions of the both of them, and was worried that Polly wouldn’t invite her into the house. Her heart was pounding when she knocked on the door, and her stomach dropped when the door opened. It was Polly who answered, with a nonchalant expression on her face, but it changed when she realised who was at the door.

‘Polly, I-’

‘Come in, Rose.’ Polly cut Rose off and turned to walk back into the house. Rose didn’t linger on the doorstep and followed Polly inside. Rose thought that Polly wasn’t going to be in the mood to hear what she had to say, so took deep breaths as she walked into the kitchen to prepare herself to grovel.

‘Polly, I’ve made a loaf of bread, I wanted to just-’

‘Tommy’s forgiven you, so it’s only right that I do as well.’ Polly looked over to Rose, she didn’t look angry like Rose had expected, and she was gesturing for her to take a chair at the table.

Rose still had an apprehensive look on her face, her hands were wringing the basket handle as she walked towards the chair. Even though Polly has gestured to take a seat, Rose wanted to be told that she could sit down.

‘It was just unexpected, Rose, but not your fault. Please, take a seat.’ Polly gave Rose a smile, one that came naturally, and felt bad that Rose was so anxious of her opinion on the matter. ‘I’ll get butter for that bread.’

Rose sat like she was told to, and put the basket on the table. She tried to relax, but her back was as stiff as a board, she felt very aware of her surroundings and how she presented herself. Rose was the one who the Shelby’s saw regularly, not her family, so it was down to Rose to keep up appearances on her family’s behalf.

As Polly was making the tea, she flicked her gaze onto Rose a few times, and could tell a difference in presence. Whereas Rose would talk freely, and had done so in the past, she was as quiet as a mouse, thinking that she wasn’t welcome in her home. Polly had been angry that the Alexander’s had done dirty dealings with the Inspector, but Polly had never assumed it was Rose’s fault. If anything, Polly felt bad for Rose, she was in the middle of it all, with no responsibility over the matter. She thought it was ideal for Rose, however, that Tommy held such a high opinion of her. Tommy made it clear that it wasn’t Rose’s plan to be nice to him to make up for her parents’ actions, Polly swore she saw a blush on his cheeks when he talked about their dinner, something that was extremely rare to see.

‘Ada sent a letter from London.’ Polly said, trying to diffuse the tension. It got a small smile from Rose, Polly thought it was only out of politeness, but it was a start. As they continued their conversation, Polly made sure to compliment Rose’s bread, and try to make her relax more.

Rose was thankful that Polly was treating her like she did before the truth came out, she thought that she had damaged several relationships because of it. Rose still wondered what some looks meant, Polly never smiled much and Rose tried not to worry because of it. Every time Polly pulled a certain face, Rose brushed it off and tried not to overthink its meaning.

‘And it’s your birthday next month, have you asked for anything?’

Polly’s question didn’t get the desired response, Rose looked down to her lap without answering Polly. The light expression she was trying to keep on her face fell, and she swallowed thickly.

‘No, there’s not much I want.’ Rose said quietly, lifting her head demurely to meet Polly’s gaze.

‘Is everything alright, Rose?’

‘That’s when she died, Polly.’ Rose wasn’t in the mood for pretending nothing was wrong, and since Polly knew about Posey, Rose felt comfortable to share. ‘Three days before my birthday, I don’t like to celebrate it.’

‘Oh, Rose.’ Polly put a hand on Rose’s, and rubbed her thumb gently against the skin. They were silent for a few moments, but Rose didn’t let her emotions get the better of her, so breathed in deeply and straightened her back.

‘It’s just a sad time, seems wrong to pretend that it’s a happy occasion.’

Polly nodded her head understandingly, and the subject was soon dropped. She didn’t mean to make Rose upset, but knew not to get anything for her birthday, or plan a party. She felt sad that such a nice occasion had been ruined for Rose, as if Rose celebrating her life was wrong when Posey had lost hers.

‘And Tommy still doesn’t know?’ Polly asked. Rose shook her head and lowered her head again.

Rose remembered she had told herself she would only be prepared to tell Tommy about Posey after knowing how he felt knowing the truth about her family. Since things went better than expected, Rose knew it was only right that Tommy know about that part of her life, but it was so difficult to talk about. She feared his response, just like she had with the other secret.

\-----

The ties between Rose and the Shelby’s hadn’t taken a hit, they treated her just like normal, and Rose had to get used to Tommy knowing about her family’s secret. Rose felt that she had more security in her job, but was made slightly uncomfortable when Arthur made jokes about her family doing deals behind their back. Rose would laugh politely, but was glad that it was only Arthur making the jokes.

Tommy acted normally, as normally as he could. The company was making him busier than ever, which meant not much time was spent with each other, but there was the rare time he would come into the back office of the Garrison when he knew Rose was just about to finish her shift, and offer to walk her home. Rose never declined, and after the third offer, Rose felt confident enough to link her arm through Tommy’s. She had been shy of intimacy, even though they had kissed after the dinner, but Tommy wasn’t the kind of person to force it on her, he took it as slowly as Rose wanted. His heart swelled when he felt Rose’s arm in his, and he gave her a sweet smile to boot.

Rose felt like her life was getting back to normal, but that all changed the night of the 17th. It was the same as all the years before, there would be no remedy for her sadness, and the tears started flowing when she went to bed that night.

It would always be a difficult sleep, then when she woke up in the morning, the tears would continue to flow. Rose cried every March 18th since Posey left her, and that year was no different.

Rose spent the morning in her room, she didn’t want her parents to see her with a ruddy, red face. She skipped breakfast, even though her parents had gone downstairs by mid-morning, Rose didn’t have any appetite, and might’ve thrown up whatever she tried to eat.

Just before she was about to leave however, she saw a letter lying on the kitchen table. Rose knew what it was, and against her better judgement, grabbed it and went back to her room. Rose had prepared herself with several tissues, and sat on her bed to read the letter.

_Dear Rosie,_

_I only want to write something small, as I know you’ll be too focused on you’re the day to worry about anything else. It’s just to say that I love you, and am always thinking of you. I find this time of year hard as well, it seems bizarre that four years have passed since Posey was with us. But I know how strong you are, and I believe that in time, it won’t hurt like it does now. I hope that your birthday passes with ease this year, and I also hope that the people you’ve made friends with understand and respect your thoughts on it. I send buckets of my love, and you’re forever in my prayers, darling._

_Auntie Edna._

Rose’s body was shaking with sobs. Tears fell from her face onto the letter, it the shortest letter she had gotten from her great aunt but it still stirred something great inside of her. It had to be put down however, as Rose had to head out, as she realised she was late for her shift. It was hard to fold it back up and hide it in her drawer, Rose wanted to read it again and again until she knew it off by heart. Rose went to the bathroom to splash water over her face, and although she looked as if she’d been slapped, there was nothing she could do but rush to the Garrison.

Rose ignored any looks she got from people, she held her head high, but the feeling of tears forming in her eyes took the breath from her chest. She thought if she could make it to the back office of the pub, then she’d be fine to cry the rest of the morning away.

As Rose walked into the Garrison, she thought she could evade Arthur, but he stood up from behind the bar suddenly and made her jump.

‘Come on now, Rose, those books won’t do themselves.’ Arthur wasn’t being mean, nor did he give her a serious warning about being late, but Rose was on edge, and with one look to her boss, her face crumpled again. She hurried into the back office before Arthur could say anything, he watched with a fallen face as the door slammed behind her.

Arthur was in a good mood that morning, so instead of ignoring Rose and rolling his eyes at the sight of her crying, he put down the bottles of whiskey and headed out of the front door. His pace was quick as he walked all the way back to Watery Lane, hands running through his slick hair in impatience.

Arthur burst through the front door and strode straight into the kitchen, where Polly was sat reading the newspaper. She looked up suddenly to see that Arthur looked almost deranged.

‘Rose is, uh, crying. Something’s wrong.’ Arthur found it hard to gather his words, and stood with his hands on his hips, hoping he’d said enough to get through to Polly. Polly closed the newspaper slowly and went to reply, but was cut off by a figure walking through the open green doors.

‘Crying?’ Tommy asked. Arthur nodded and looked from Tommy to Polly. Before anyone did anything, Polly knew she had to take charge in the situation.

‘Alright, I’ll just get my coat.’

That seemed to sate Arthur, who turned to head out the house, but Tommy wasn’t happy in being left out.

‘If she’s upset, then I need to-’

‘No.’ Polly said sharply. ‘I know what this is about, and I’ll deal with it.’ Polly stared hard at Tommy who was trying to fight her, but Polly wasn’t about to get into a domestic, and ignored the stare that Tommy was giving her in annoyance.

‘Go back to work, she’ll be fine with me.’

Tommy watched Polly and Arthur leave, he had a frown on his face, acting like a child that had been told off for being too nosy, but Polly wasn’t interested in how Tommy was feeling.

When the pair got to the Garrison, Polly ordered Arthur to get back to work like she had with Tommy, and went for the back office. She knocked softly, and let herself in when she heard a small voice call out.

‘You alright, love?’ Polly asked as she closed the door. It was clear that Rose wasn’t alright, but she nodded and leant back from the desk so she could talk to Polly.

‘It’s fine, but … it’s just difficult.’ Rose admitted.

‘You could take the day off, you know. You haven’t taken a sick day since you started here, I’m sure Arthur would allow it. He came straight to the house when he realised you were crying.’

As Polly was talking, Rose shook her head defiantly, she was not the type to feign sickness for a day off.

‘No, Polly, I’ll be fine, really.’ Rose forced a smile and coughed loudly. Knowing that Polly was just by her side made her feel better than she had in the morning, she breathed in deeply and looked to Polly again. ‘Cups of tea should do the trick.’

Polly gave a sympathetic smile. ‘You know,’ she started, not thinking twice about whether she should talk or not, ‘Tommy gave me a sour look as I left with Arthur.’

Polly smiled at the thought, but Rose looked to her worried. ‘You didn’t say anything, did you?’

‘Of course not.’ Polly reassured. ‘Not my story to tell, love.’

Rose’s tears had stopped, but her heart skipped a beat when a knock sounded out. Polly and Rose shared a look with one another, but didn’t have time to wonder who it was, as the door opened and Tommy stepped through. In any other situation, Rose would’ve been happy see him, they had gotten back to normal and were beginning to feel more than comfortable with each other. However, Rose looked down to the desk, ashamed that she looked such a state, but Tommy wasn’t easy man to get rid of.

Before Tommy could say anything to get Polly out of the room, she stood up and went to leave the office, but gave Tommy a stern look beforehand. He didn’t like being looked at in such a way, but knew that Polly meant well for Rose’s sake. He took the seat that Polly had just used and looked over to Rose. She gave him a pitiful look, trying to pretend that she wasn’t a mess, but Tommy wasn’t having it. He wanted to be able to make Rose feel comfortable, but wasn’t so sure how to deal with her crying.

‘I know that something’s wrong, Rose,’ Tommy started, keeping his voice steady, ‘and I just want you to know that I’ll always listen if there’s problem, you can trust me.’

Rose had to respect Tommy for pursuing her so avidly, he knew there was a secret, possibly greater than the one with her family, but the timing wasn’t right. She knew that if she tried to tell Tommy, it would come out all wrong, she wouldn’t be able to explain herself well enough to make sense and that the tears would return with vengeance.

Rose looked into Tommy’s blue eyes with sorrow, she wanted to tell him, he had seen her at her worst, but shook her head defeatedly.

‘I’m sorry, Tommy.’ Rose whispered, and she lowered her head. She didn’t want to see Tommy at that moment, not just as she had rejected him again.

Rose looked back up to see that Tommy was almost looking right through her, as if coming to terms with being prohibited from the secret.

‘Trust partners with patience.’

Tommy focused his eyes on Rose again, and nodded his head slowly. It wasn’t exactly a wasted trip, Tommy had taken a few minutes after Polly had left the house to follow after her, thinking that it might’ve been the time when Rose was most vulnerable, meaning that he could find out what was bothering her so much.

When he saw how blotched Rose’s face was, the idea to get the truth out of her was gone from his head, he just wanted Rose to know that he cared about her just as much as Polly did, and that he was to be trusted. He thought that enough had gone on with each other for the trust to be there between them, and couldn’t imagine what had gone on in Rose’s past to make her so upset.

‘I’ll tell you one day, I promise.’

Tommy gave a small smile to Rose, he could think of many ways to tell her that he’d be patient with her, but he couldn’t think of the right words to tell her that he loved her, and that was the thought that was screaming in his mind the most.


	10. Part Two | Remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

Tommy sat at his desk with papers and forms in front of him. He was planning to work for the rest of the night, he’d been busy around Small Heath all day, but the work never stopped when he got back to Watery Lane. However, just as Tommy had made himself a drink and lit up a cigarette, he sat back in his chair and his thoughts took over his mind, he could no longer think about the figures and statistics in front of him. Tommy brought the end of the cigarette to his lips and closed his eyes, once again, he fell into the trap of thinking about Rose.

It happened more often than Tommy breathed, thoughts of Rose were taking up his waking moments, and as Tommy sat there, billowing smoke in front of him, his eyes moved down to the drawer in his desk. He brought his hand over the brass handle, and held it there until he gathered the courage to pull it open. Amongst papers, too private to have out in files for anyone to stumble upon, there was a small, black box. That black box had been sitting in his drawer for a few weeks, and the longer it sat there, the more it taunted Tommy with its presence.

Tommy moved his hand to grab the box, he placed the cigarette in his mouth and used his right thumb to pry the lid open. Inside, the white velvet lining contrasted from the leather casing, and the ring that was placed snug in the cushion gleamed from the lamplight. Tommy placed the box in front of him, sitting on top of his ignored papers, and he stared down at what was meant to be an engagement ring.

It had been bought on an impulse, a visit to a client had extended after Tommy had spotted the display of beautiful rings. There were plenty of diamond rings on show, as that was the most popular gem to buy, but Tommy went with a gut feeling that Rose wouldn’t be interested in diamond, nor any kind of extravagant gem. However, he didn’t want to buy something plain. Tommy had a flair for style, so went with a prettier ring, one that he knew not everyone would be wearing. The stone was set in gold, with leaves fashioned into the band. Tommy hoped that Rose wouldn’t be bored of the flower related jewellery he ended up buying, but to him, it seemed so apt.

Tommy even got a spiel about the stone he was buying, morganite was the stone of divine love. The owner’s wife, a woman who seemed to be in touch with such knowledge of the energies of gems and stones, also told him that the stone was perfect to help come to terms with emotional pain, and with the help of the gem, the emotional pain could turn to compassion and peace. At first, Tommy wanted to hand the money over and be out of the shop, he wasn’t used to hearing such frivolities about an inanimate object, but the words the wife was saying rang true somewhere in Tommy’s mind, and he couldn’t help but wonder if him choosing that ring meant something.

The ring on Tommy’s desk ended up being his sole attention, the cigarette had burned down to the butt, and he hadn’t noticed the approaching figure to his office door. It was when the handle to his door sounded out that Tommy looked up, annoyed that he had been caught with such an item on display.

Despite being annoyed, Tommy was thankful that out of all people, it was Polly. He put the cigarette butt in the ash tray and didn’t bother putting the ring away.

Polly gave the ring a pointed look as she walked over to the desk to place yet another file on the surface, there was no hiding the ring from her then. Tommy felt as if he was baring a part of him, letting her see the jewellery, but hadn’t thought to say anything yet.

‘She’s not as easy as she makes out.’ Polly started, arms crossed over her chest. She ignored the bored look on Tommy’s face, the one secretly telling her to get out, she had something to say, so was keen on saying it.

‘There’s a lot to people that even you can’t see.’

Tommy took the words with a pinch of salt, knowing that Polly was right. He nodded his head slowly, for a moment, Tommy wondered if Polly knew about the secret Rose was hiding, and wished, for once, that he was in her shoes. He didn’t like that she was privy to such information, but had to respect Rose for who she chose to confide in, he was just jealous that it wasn’t him.

‘When would be a good time?’

Polly sighed and pursed her lips, it was like Tommy to ask advice from her, she didn’t want to misguide him on such matters of the heart.

‘When you both feel the same, and that’s up to Rose, you know that.’

Tommy knew that Polly was right, it was the second time she had proved herself that evening, and he knew that it was enough. He took the black box and snapped the lid shut, he placed it where it belonged, but not where it should’ve been.

The silent actions were enough for Polly to take her cue to leave, and once again, Tommy was left alone. Tommy dealt with that loneliness as best as he could, he poured himself another glass of whiskey, lit another cigarette and tried to put his mind to the papers in front of him.

One thing started bothering Tommy as he tried to clear his mind that night, he tried to compare it to everything else, but it kept coming to the forefront of his mind. Tommy got along with Rose very well, that much was sure, the kisses they had shared with one another was enough to convince Tommy that she wasn’t playing a game with him, or acting in such a way to get something from him to benefit her. It sounded harsh in Tommy’s mind, but he had tested Rose before, even when he hadn’t expected her to be tested. She had proved herself when he rushed to the pub when Campbell was looking for him, but more importantly he found out the truth of her family, and Rose had impressed Tommy when he wasn’t asking for it.

To know that Rose wasn’t just a complacent, young girl was a sign to Tommy that she wasn’t someone who could pass him by without notice. She knew when to fight her battles, although the same couldn’t always be said for Tommy, which made him admire her more. There was the matter of the lasting secret that was etched at the back of his mind, and he didn’t know if it bothered him that much to hinder the question of marriage. Tommy had his own secrets, but he was dutiful in keeping and dealing with them in his own way, he never let them affect his work, nor hours in the day with sunlight. Rose seemed to be more troubled by the secret, and although she had promised him that he’d find out one day, Tommy wondered if he couldn’t orchestrate that day for himself.

\-----

Time had passed from Rose’s birthday, and like the years before, the low mood she had once been in had lifted. She had tried to forget the longing looks Tommy had given her, not wanting any guilt to seep through and extend her mourning period, but just seeing him on an average day was enough to bring back those memories. Rose wondered if Tommy thought about her differently, thought of her being weaker, or stereotypically female for crying at work. He hadn’t made any more noise about wanting to know what secret she was keeping; it was miles away from the other secret, but just as scary to think about saying out loud to Tommy.

The thought of the secret was made worse when Rose had to go home every evening. Her parents had been very quiet over the past couple of weeks, whatever Tommy had said to them, a mystery as Rose wasn’t privy to that information, had put them on the straight and narrow. They had used the one tool in their arsenal to keep them from ending up in the cut, the use of their daughter. They hadn’t told Rose that it was down to her that they were all still alive, but Rose had her suspicions for it. It clearly didn’t bother Tommy enough for Rose to be confronted by him, but it was something that she thought about more than once since it had happened.

The same was to happen that evening as well, her parents would greet her home, and then go about their business like before, Rose was never bothered in her room, it was as if none of the events had occurred and her parents went back to ignoring her. Rose didn’t have a reason to join her mother in the kitchen as she made dinner, so did a pointless clean of her room to pass the time. Her room was already clean, but the thought of having to endure small talk with her distracted and disinterested mother was enough for Rose to find things to keep her busy for her own sake.

It was a shame that Rose and her parents hadn’t come out the other end of the secret better off, they hadn’t been brought closer by the worry that their time may have been numbered, nor that Rose was the one who had made such an impression on Tommy so their lives were spared. A small, niggling thought in Rose’s mind made her think that what she had been put through was pointless, that her parents didn’t respect her for what she had done, for both their benefit and for Rose’s emotions. Through trying to help her parents, Rose had invested her emotions into Tommy, they had been brought closer through her parents’ negligence, and she felt almost awkward to still be in their house. Rose knew that she was going to ask the question again, to one of moving out to her own place, and since there wasn’t a Sword of Damocles hanging over their heads, Rose couldn’t see a reason for them to not let her.

Rose didn’t mention her moving out when they all sat down for dinner, she wanted to wait until she had a little more confidence, but she did notice how her parents kept sharing glances at one another throughout the meal. It was like before, and Rose had learnt to just ask them what was wrong instead of letting it frustrate her.

Mary gave Rose a sorrowful look when Rose asked if there was something to share, and she didn’t like it. It wasn’t a look she was used to seeing on her mother’s face, and Rose thought she didn’t want to know the answer.

‘We got a letter today.’ Mary started. She put her fork down on her plate, and the look on her face seemed to get worse. ‘Your great aunt … she passed away yesterday, she was found by her neighbour.’

Rose felt her throat close off, she didn’t realise that her body fell back in the chair, her head seemed to go clear for a moment. Mary kept talking, thinking that she still had Rose’s attention, but Rose only looked through her, and her ears went blank as the shock still ran through her body. If her parents were calling her back, Rose wasn’t aware of it, as she stood from her seat without excusing herself and went to her room. Rose didn’t realise until she closed her door that her hands were shaking, her whole body felt weak when she sat down on the edge of her bed. A shiver went down her spine just as she had sat down, and then she stood back up again.

Rose started pacing her room, there was a sudden adrenaline rush keeping her pacing the small space of floor, and when she turned to walk the length of her bed, her eyes locked onto her bedside table. Before she could work up the courage to open the drawer, her body turned and walked away to the other end of her room. Rose didn’t know how long she was pacing for, the floorboards could’ve worn away underneath her, but as tears started to form in her eyes, she knew she had to open up the drawer.

The letters from her great aunt were tucked away neatly, there weren’t many of them to keep hidden, but they were still in pristine condition. After Rose would read them, then re-read them again when they first arrived, she would place them back inside the envelope and tucked them neatly underneath the clothes inside. Rose let a few tears fall as she picked the envelopes up, breathing in deeply to try and keep a calm head. For all she knew, the letters were the only things she had left of her great-aunt, and she didn’t want to ruin them by getting them wet with tears.

Rose brought the letters to her chest and led on her bed. She didn’t care that she was fully clothed, or that her parents may have wanted to check on how she was doing, Rose felt calmer as soon as she led down. However, as soon as she thought she could focus on her thoughts, Rose’s hands went from the letters to her face, her body shuddered with sobs and it had finally hit her.

Rose knew that her great aunt would’ve been alone, and the closest neighbour to the house was a five-minute walk away, so there was no one close by when she passed. Rose felt guilty that she hadn’t made the effort to go and see her, it wasn’t fair that they hadn’t set eyes on one another for over a year. Rose felt guilt run through her body as she curled up and sobbed harder, not realising that the letters were creasing by her body movements.

The cries soon stopped, Rose’s head felt heavy with exhaustion, but when she tried to sleep, it never came. Instead of trying to force it, Rose brought the letters to her chest again, upset that they had creased, but thinking that it was a way to settle her mind. She hadn’t yet left her room to see her parents, she hadn’t finished her dinner but didn’t feel a hunger from it, Rose needed to remember her great aunt in the way she saw her.

Rose thought all the way back to when her parents first said that she was to move away from Small Heath. She was ten years old, she had friends that lived on her street who she would see every day, but it was non-negotiable. It wasn’t until she was older that she realised it was down to circumstance, her parents had wanted Rose to get a better education, to breath in the fresh air of the country and take an opportunity that they both never had in their childhoods. Henry and Mary were born and raised within the city, and to give Rose something different was not something they were going to let go.

Rose hadn’t met her great-aunt before taking the train up to Derbyshire, she didn’t know what to expect. The house she lived in was like something from a story, a small cottage with a colourful and vibrant garden, Rose remembered how she couldn’t be coerced to come into the house when she first arrived, the garden had fascinated her that much, she had wanted to see every flower that grew there.

Gardening was the first thing Rose and her great aunt bonded over, and Rose was keen to learn all that she could. At first, it was using a spade to dig up weeds, then she had been taught about dead-heading flowers, and Rose made herself breath a laugh when she remembered her first terrifying encounter with a bee. Even after spending months at the house, with winter drawing in and making the days shorter, Rose still wanted to be out in the garden, not caring that there weren’t that many colours any more, or that she’d start shivering from the frost that settled over everything.

Rose and auntie Edna, as Rose had taken to calling her, fell into routine, and it was like living in their own bubble. Rose would go to school during the day, she would find pleasure in taking the walk there and back, not having to walk on busy roads but finding shortcuts through the local woods. More than once, Rose would be told off for taking so long to get home after the school day finished, auntie Edna would get worried if she was out for too long.

There weren’t many other times that Rose would be told off, auntie Edna was not as strict as her parents, but that didn’t mean that Rose tested her limits, so instead made sure that she did her best not to worry or anger auntie Edna. The only time that auntie Edna become short tempered was during the years of the war. The countryside was much safer than the city, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything to worry about. The years of the war didn’t change much in Rose’s mind, she still had a time in which she had to be back home from school, she still had her work to do around the house, and there was always the garden to tend to.

Henry and Mary would make the trip to the house at least once a year, normally at Christmas time, but Rose never went back home during the ten years she was away. Every year was different, in the first few years, Rose would look forward to seeing her parents, having missed them during the year and would be filled with stories and news to tell them. However, as she got older, that excitement wore off. They didn’t come on the Christmas Rose was pregnant, she and auntie Edna came up with a decent excuse to deter them from making the journey, and Rose hadn’t missed their company that year either.

Rose met Peter when his family moved to the village, it seemed like a big event to happen since no one had moved into the area for a long while. Rose didn’t think much of the son until he started paying her attention, thinking that he was charming and amusing, he did his best to always get a laugh out of her. There were other girls in the village, and more in neighbouring villages, but Peter had thought that Rose was the prettiest, therefor did his best to make her realise that.

Their friendship culminated when Peter took Rose in his arms to kiss her one afternoon. They were taking a walk in the fields, something they always did together, but Peter was quieter than normal. He fiddled with his thumbs and couldn’t form a conversation until Rose asked him if there was something wrong, and he chose action over words. He had made the right decision, as Rose blushed wildly and pulled him back for another kiss.

Their relationship wasn’t to last long, however, as Peter had turned eighteen and was eventually called up to partake in military service. Rose tried to keep her hopes high for him, but felt selfishly that it was unfair that they weren’t to be with one another for much longer. Both of them knew how serious the war was, and that it was important that Peter do his part, and he had promised to come home and be with her when it was all over.

The decision to be with one another was made a few days before Peter was to leave the village. Auntie Edna was visiting a family member out of the village and had left Rose alone in the house. Rose wanted to be responsible in living alone for those few days, but when Peter suggested that they could leave a lasting memory of one another, there was nothing that could’ve been said to Rose to convince her of anything else.

The night was spent in Rose’s bedroom, there wasn’t a moment of not touching one another, out of affection and desperation to be close. Rose knew that if anyone found out about what they did, serious repercussion would take place, but neither of them ended up caring. Rose kept those thoughts of Peter in mind as he had to leave, she could still remember watching Peter get further away on the bus, and that was the last time she ever saw him.

It wasn’t until the height of summer that Rose realised her body had changed. There was the issue of her menstrual cycle, which wasn’t always regular, but Rose had never gone four months without one. At first, it didn’t bother her that it wasn’t appearing, she carried on thinking that nothing was wrong, but when other signs started presenting themselves, most notably her stomach swelling and a common urge to throw up, a serious worry passed over Rose. She didn’t believe that it was anything life-changing, so thought nothing of telling auntie Edna about it. Rose was more worried about a virus in her body, but when auntie Edna confirmed that it was a baby, she wished she had a virus instead.

Rose spent two days in her room, too ashamed to go outside, to see anyone in the village and her great aunt, for that matter. It took auntie Edna a few days to get used to Rose’s situation, she was upset that Rose had done such a thing, that she could be so irresponsible, but in the end, they had to accept what was happening.

Rose remembered how it felt to have a swollen stomach, to know that a baby was inside her. Even after her pregnancy, Rose would sometimes run a hand over her stomach to try and catch that feeling. Rose would not try to remember what it felt like to give birth, however, all twenty hours of it. Auntie Edna was always by her side, taking her through every stage with reassuring words, and to know that she was being supported, Rose made it through, and almost fainted with happiness when she held her baby in her arms for the first time.

Little Posey cried her lungs out, auntie Edna said she had never heard such cries from such a small baby, but Rose didn’t care. The crying, cooing and mewling was music to Rose’s ears, to hear such noises from a baby that came from her made the pain of giving birth all worth it. Little Posey was in the world for just eight weeks, but Rose knew she had never been happier before or after those eight weeks.

As Rose turned over in her bed to look at her clock, she realised that she had spent three hours in bed without having slept. Her memories of her great aunt had kept her awake till early in the morning, but Rose knew that she didn’t want to remind herself of what happened after Posey came into the world. Her death and Peter going M.I.A was almost enough to send Rose over the edge, but she knew it was down to auntie Edna that she had made it through the darkest time of her life.

As Rose woke the next morning, her head felt heavier than the night before. It was as if she had spent the night drinking, not crying, and when she looked at her clock, she groaned loudly and dropped her head to the pillow. Her parents had obviously not thought to wake her for her shift, and she had slept the morning through. Rose didn’t feel too guilty, she hadn’t had a day off work since she started, and she was sure Arthur would understand her reason for not turning up on such short notice.

Rose washed herself after spending a little more time in bed, her heart still felt heavy from knowing that her great aunt was no longer around, she felt as if there was nothing that separated her life. With auntie Edna in the countryside, there was something that reminded Rose of her past life, there was always something else for her than Small Heath, but now it was gone.

When Rose was dressed, she looked to see that the letters she had put on her bedside table had fallen to the floor. Rose went over to pick them up, stroking over the creases and sighing heavily. Rose didn’t read over them again, she had wanted to do it the night before, but that was when she was caught up in her emotions. That morning, Rose didn’t want to read the letters, so tucked them back into her drawer.

Rose didn’t know what to do with herself. A spontaneous thought went through Rose’s mind, to go up to her great aunt’s house and see if she could be any help to anyone, to see to her affairs even though Rose had no idea how to go through such affairs. However, it wasn’t a logical thing to do, and knew it would be too erratic. Rose felt useless being in her room in Small Heath, but there wasn’t much she could do.

There was more than one time that Rose thought about going into the Garrison to work, even when the hours went by and it was getting later on in the day. Rose kept going back to her room when she thought more tears would fall, but ended up looking out of her window and being able to go back out.

Cleaning was the only thing Rose could think of to pass the time, and she started with the kitchen. It was effortless work, and Rose could move methodically around the room, taking out items from the cupboards, wiping all surfaces then cleaning the things inside it, then putting everything back. Rose was halfway through the kitchen when she heard her mother making her way up the stairs. She didn’t feel the need to stop working, so stayed kneeling in front of the cupboard, her back to the open doorway.

‘Rose, Mr Shelby’s here to see you.’ Mary said quietly. Rose lifted her head and looked over her shoulder, she watched as Mary stood aside to let Tommy walk through the kitchen door, a blank expression on his face.

Rose stood up and turned to face the both of them, Tommy was standing still, keeping Mary to his side, and Rose could tell that he was waiting for her to leave. Mary was looking from Rose to Tommy, seemingly curious as to why Tommy had shown up in the first place. Rose didn’t understand why her mother suddenly didn’t trust her alone with Tommy, she wondered if it was because the death of her great aunt was still so new, and she was concerned that visitors would upset her. That, or that she didn’t trust Tommy after everything they had been through. Rose didn’t mind that Tommy had shown up, if anything, she had been expecting him to pay her a visit.

Rose broke the tension in the room by walking over to the door and shutting it slowly, giving a quick but forced smile to her mother as a way to sate her worry and curiosity. Tommy stayed silent as the door closed, then felt more comfortable to go to one of the chairs and sit down in it. Rose watched as Tommy stayed still in his seat, not moving into his blazer pocket to get a cigarette like he normally did, so Rose went to sit down and give him an explanation.

With just the two of them in the room, Tommy relaxed himself and a concerned expression appeared on Tommy’s face as Rose settled in her chair. His eyes never left hers, but Rose noticed that his eyebrows were slightly raised, and she knew that she was to be the first one to speak.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t come to work, Tommy.’ Rose started. It suddenly occurred to Rose that she hadn’t spoken a word since the previous night when she had secretly rolled her eyes at her parents and asked if there was something wrong. Not speaking had been a comfort for Rose, not having to talk to her parents, to explain that she was beyond upset or that she didn’t need anything, just space. However, talking to Tommy had jolted Rose into reality, the one where her great aunt was dead and that she had to accept it.

‘Is something wrong-’

‘My great aunt died.’

Rose took a deep breath after she spoke and pointedly ignored the look Tommy gave her. It was said out loud, it was set in stone, her great aunt was dead. Rose blinked slowly and raised her eyes to meet Tommy’s. She saw him swallow, then sit up in his seat and reach forward.

‘Rose … if there’s anything I can do …’ Tommy said with a husky voice. He was trying to say more than he let on, and in the end, he reached a hand out to hold hers, it was his way of giving immediate comfort, and Rose let him.

‘I know.’ Rose whispered. A tear slipped down her cheeks as another form of relief, there was still a great sadness over the death, but Rose felt relieved that Tommy was there to hold her hand, literally, through it.

‘I spent so long with her, so much happened.’ Rose’s eyes had gone watery, everything she saw was a blur but she did see Tommy raise his head to look her straight on. There was an edge to the way she spoke, Rose knew it as she said it, she was eluding to the many things that occurred during her time with her great aunt. Most notably, the secret she had been hiding from Tommy.

‘Rose …’

Rose closed her eyes and more tears fell, the secret she had been hiding from Tommy was on the tip of her tongue, Rose knew that in that moment, he would understand her past, and he wouldn’t blame her. Rose felt the way Tommy’s thumb stroked small circles on her skin, the feeling made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, and she felt the trust in him.

When she opened her eyes, she felt weak to Tommy’s gaze. He was waiting patiently, as he had been for so long, his blue eyes looking longingly into her own, and Rose drew a breath to speak.

As Rose breathed in to start admitting everything, the door to the kitchen opened. Neither Tommy or Rose moved from their position, her remained close to her with a hand still touching hers, not caring about how suggestive it looked. Rose glanced over to see that her mother had stopped in the doorway, not showing any shame in walking in on them sharing a moment.

‘Rose, is everything alright?’

Everything had been alright, despite the tears on her face, but then her mother had ruined it. There was no reason for Mary to enter the room, she hadn’t shown interest in the previous day to ask if everything was well with Rose, but it was solely because Tommy was in the room. Mary saw that Tommy had his body close to Rose’s, and also that he wasn’t moving away with her presence. She had a feeling that such a situation would occur between them, and wanted to know for sure that her daughter had that kind of relationship with Tommy.

Rose didn’t tell Tommy in the end, the moment had gone, and with her mother interrupting them both, Rose’s confidence went with the moment. Tommy didn’t get annoyed at her, he didn’t force anything out of her, and he stayed as long as she wanted him to that afternoon. It was clear to Rose that Tommy didn’t come to see her with the intention of discovering the secret that he was so close to finding out, it had been out of pure worry for her. Rose didn’t feel like she had been pressured into admitting anything, but it was down to her trust in Tommy, and although it had been subsequently ruined by her mother, Rose still felt that she had a great trust in him.

Tommy left a little later after he and Rose were disturbed, and she felt an urge to go with him, to be away from her parents for just an afternoon. Tommy had work to do, and he reluctantly left Rose after making sure for the fourth time that she was alright. Rose appreciated the slight coddling on his part, it almost made her smile, and when Tommy left her company, Rose felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders, just out of pure relief.

\-----

The responsibility of auntie Edna’s funeral was left in the control of Henry, who kept in contact with the proceedings after her death. Since he was a coroner himself, he knew exactly what processes needed to take place, and Rose felt that at least on her end, her great aunt was being taken care of. Auntie Edna was related to Mary’s side of the family, but with no direct relations to speak of, at least none nearer than the Alexander’s in Birmingham, responsibility fell to them.

Within two weeks of auntie Edna’s death, a funeral had been arranged. Henry and Mary had to take the trip up to be present for when the will was read, but Rose wasn’t going to be left behind to look after the business. She had gone back to work, knowing that it was better for her to keep her mind occupied, and then barely had to utter the words to Tommy about taking a small amount of leave, he granted her the time away before she could finish her sentence. Tommy even made sure to ask if she would be alright to go just with her family, eluding to him accompanying her, but Rose declined.

It was as if she didn’t want Tommy to support her, but Rose knew that her thoughts would be elsewhere during the entire journey, she was comfortable to be withdrawn with her parents, but felt it wouldn’t have been fair to invite Tommy then ignore him the entire time.

When Rose packed her small suitcase, it was done with tears in her eyes. She felt it wasn’t right or fair that the suitcase she was packing was intended for a nice time away at her great aunt’s house, but to see her laid to rest. It wasn’t how Rose imagined the first trip back to her old life would be like.

Since Henry and Mary knew that Rose was still upset, they didn’t speak to her during most of the journey on the train. They sat in a compartment, Henry and Mary on one side, Rose on the other. Watching the landscape roll by did its best to fill Rose’s mind, but she felt that the closer she got to Derbyshire, the more her stomach tightened in nervousness. She breathed in and out deeply, there was a small lump rising in her throat, it was distracting her well enough to not notice that her parents were whispering frantically in front of her.

There was no graceful way for Henry or Mary to bring up the subject they had been discussing, but they weren’t going to get the desired answers if they were to keep quiet. It was Mary who thought to talk first, and when she did, she took Rose out of her daydream.

‘It was kind of Mr Shelby to let you have leave with such short notice.’

Rose listened to what her mother said, and moved her eyes to look over to her parents, but refused to make direct eye contact. In Rose’s mind, it was amazing how they thought it was appropriate to bring up such a subject when they were on their way to a funeral. Rose had never had the urge to talk about her relationship with Tommy to either of her parents, and didn’t appreciate them nosing into her business.

‘Very generous man.’

Mary’s comment made Rose lift her eyes to see her finally. Impatience was rising in Rose, she didn’t like the tone her mother had, and couldn’t understand why she was making such comment when they were about to lay auntie Edna to rest. When Rose thought about it, being with her parents in that cart was the first time she’s been alone with her parents aside from having dinner together, they were never making time to be in each others’ company, and Rose understood why.

Rose and Mary held a stare with one another, Mary waiting for Rose to say something, and Rose challenging Mary to say one more thing about her personal life, but there was only silence between them. Henry didn’t bother getting involved, he could see that Rose wasn’t in a keen mood to share, and nudged Mary to get her to stop staring. When the tension broke, Rose continued to stare out the window, and wished that Tommy had gone with them. Even though her parents were sat in front of her, Rose felt more alone than ever.

The funeral was to be held at St Margaret’s church in the village, from the train station a carriage had to be caught to make it on time. Rose continued her silence from her parents as they got closer to the village, and she felt she needed to be in her own mind as the scenery become familiar, and a lump in her throat.

The carriage took them to the entrance of the church, the vicar recognised Rose immediately and walked over to welcome her. He offered his condolences, and thanked her for making the journey, but all Rose could do was nod her head. He told the Rose and her parents that they had made it just in time, and that people were waiting for the service to start inside. Rose and her parents followed the vicar inside the church, he had kept the front pew available for their arrival, and Rose did her best not to make eye contact with anyone.

It seemed that the whole village turned out to see auntie Edna off, despite it being a relatively small church, all the pews were full and everyone wore solemn expressions. Rose let out a long breath as she sat down, the wooden seat creaked beneath her, it could be heard from the silence of the room.

That church was where Rose shared many memories with her great aunt. They went to every Sunday service, and Rose enjoyed singing hymns, no matter how out of tune her voice was, since auntie Edna would sing just as enthusiastically. Then there were the special occasions, such as Lent, Easter and Advent, Rose enjoyed them all. When she found out that Peter was to be sent away to war, she frequented the church to pray for his good health and luck, and that he’d return to the village within a short time. When Posey was born, auntie Edna had insisted that she be Christened, and had made plans to talk to the vicar. However, Posey had died before such arrangement could’ve taken place, so it was auntie Edna who spoke from the Bible when they buried Posey.

During the service, Rose didn’t hold back from crying, the handkerchief that she had brought with her was soiled by the time the service ended. She had blanked all the people around her, all she could focus on was the casket in front of her and the hums of the vicar’s voice. Rose had been asked if she wanted to say anything during the service when the vicar met them out front, but she adamantly refused. She had nothing prepared, and just as the vicar started, she had burst into tears and wasn’t in any fit state to talk coherently.

The wake was held in the pub, everyone walked in unison from the church, but a few were eager to approach Rose and pay their respects. In the end, Rose felt good in seeing everyone, the people from her past life, but more tears fell as she made eye contact with them. It was painful to step into the past, made worse by Henry and Mary talking to everyone like they knew who they were. Her parents didn’t understand her life before coming back to Birmingham, they hadn’t shed any tears during the service, Rose felt that it wasn’t right that they had turned up.

Not much time had passed when the first got to the pub that the executor of the will approached them. Rose recognised him immediately, Mr Denby, a close friend of auntie Edna’s, and the person who had been put in charge to take care of things until the Alexander’s arrived. Mr Denby and Henry had been in contact with one another for the past fortnight, making sure that the funeral arrangements that were taking place were down to what auntie Edna has asked for. When Henry had asked about the contents of the will, Mr Denby had refused to say over the letters, so the will remained a mystery until that afternoon in the pub.

‘Edna left no debts, everything she owned was strictly in her name. The will has gone through probate, it was easily done, and, as she wished it to be, everything has been left to Rose.’

A short silence elapsed around the table, it was just Mr Denby, Henry, Mary and Rose. They all looked to her to gauge her reaction, but Rose wasn’t to be taken out of her misery by the promise of heirlooms. She didn’t think that things would’ve been left to her, that thought hadn’t materialised once during the two week since auntie Edna had died.

Mr Denby carried on reading the will to Henry and Mary, Rose stared hard at the table and tried to breathe in slowly. Every few moment, Mary would nudge Rose with her arm to get her to pay attention, to get her to hear just exactly what she was entitled to, but Rose thought that it wasn’t enough to stave off her sadness.

Rose wanted to be more sociable, there were people in the pub that she hadn’t seen in over a year, they all wanted to know just how she was getting on in the city, but Rose didn’t give them the chance to ask any questions. When the wake ended, her parents tried to convince her to go and see the house, to see what she had inherited, but Rose didn’t want to. The evening was drawing in, Rose was tired from crying during the service and insisted that they all go back to the small hotel to turn in for the night. Henry and Mary didn’t force her to change her mind, and followed Rose’s brisk walk back.

As Rose got ready for bed that night, her eyes felt heavy, and her head was stuffy, but lying in bed wasn’t the tonic to cure her ailments. The thought of having to go back to the house was a happy thought in Rose’s mind, but there was no avoiding it. Like she had thought earlier, she would’ve rather had Tommy with her to just be with her, not her parents who didn’t have a grasp on how she felt. Her parents and Tommy were unaware of the true past at that house, but Rose wondered if Tommy would react differently to her hesitation to see the place, as she knew her parents wouldn’t understand.

To see the home she left over a year ago would’ve been difficult, Rose knew this, so tried to prepare herself for the impact it would bring on her emotions. Rose went through the scenario over and over in her mind that night, thinking about all the crying she would do, and how her parents would react to that. She thought that in trying to prepare herself, the day would go smoother, and she would try to remember that the house had good memories.

During breakfast the next morning, Rose stayed silent, and dissuaded her parents from talking to her by avoiding eye contact. She wished she could tell them that she wanted them to stay at the hotel while she went on her own, but she knew they wouldn’t be happy with that. Rose wasn’t feeling the positive attitude she tried to force on herself the night before, instead of being able to take her time on her own in the house, Rose had to make the visit quick, make sure that the locks worked and there was nothing out of the ordinary. It wasn’t going to be a trip of reflection, not in Rose’s eyes anyway.

Despite telling herself that the trip was to be quick, the sight of seeing the house for the first time made Rose want to stay stock still and stare at it. Every moment she experienced needed time to soak in, seeing the house for the first time, walking through the small gate to walk up the path, seeing the front door. Rose led the way for her parents, but she felt their presence behind them, and she felt that she couldn’t linger too long or they’d hurry her.

Rose took her time in walking around the ground floor. She noticed how worn all the furniture looked, as if no one had used it in years. Rose suspected that the house had been cleaned since auntie Edna had died, it seemed there wasn’t a trace of anyone having lived in the house apart from all the photographs hung on the walls or placed on any available surface. Mary and Henry followed Rose’s direction, but she wanted to go her own way, so left the front room and headed up the stairs.

Rose knew what she was looking for, the view from the spare room that had her holding her breath as she stepped up the creaking staircase. Rose opened the door and walked to the end of the small room, to the window that overlooked the garden. To the end of the neatly plotted land, there was a small head stone, noticeably enough if looked for. Rose gripped onto the window sill, coming to terms that she was the last one alive who knew about the meaning of that headstone.

As was tradition, Rose wanted to lay flowers by her daughters’ grave, but wondered if her parents would notice. Her palms itched at the thought of being caught, whether it was just worth it to put the flowers down and receive the looks from her parents, but Rose wasn’t given the chance to even work out what was best, since the sound of her mother’s voice shrilled through the house.

‘ROSE!’

Rose turned so quickly she almost got whiplash, her mother’s voice had flowed through the open bedroom door, but it was as if she had been in the room. Rose didn’t think it was wise to keep her waiting, so paced out of the room and went down the stairs. She didn’t get enough time to speculate what was wrong, Mary wasn’t prone to shouting, not even when she would tell Rose off when she was a child.

As Rose walked into the front room, she saw her parents standing side by side, both with wild looks on their faces, and Rose was unaware as to why at first. However, when Rose looked closely, past the wide-eyed stares her mother was giving her, she noticed something in her grip. She took a moment to work out what it was, but when Rose noticed it was a photo frame, the realisation of what was in the frame seemed like a punch to the chest.

‘Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is?!’ Mary was almost hysterical, the grip on the frame tightened but Rose couldn’t keep her eyes off it. No words could manifest themselves, Rose’s attentions turned from her frantic mother to the frame in her hand, but didn’t think it was wise to move forward to try and take it from her.

Rose wasn’t making any indication of responding nor moving, so Henry went to Mary’s side and snatched the frame from her. Mary didn’t flinch at the action, her eyes stayed glued to Rose and her far away expression, she was getting infuriated by the silent and uncaring way in how Rose was reacting. Rose finally jumped when Henry threw the frame across the room, making his point about its existence.

Nothing was said out loud, only mutterings could be heard in the room as Henry took Mary by her wrist and dragged her out of the house, not caring that Rose was left behind. He even pushed past her, his elbow shoving into Rose and making her stagger, but Rose remained focused on the shattered frame. When she heard the door slam behind her, a signal of frustration leaving the house, Rose stepped forward, not daring to breath.

Rose noticed that the frame was facing upwards as she walked towards it, the light from the window was illuminating its contents and she could see the picture inside. It had been Rose’s favourite picture for a time, that time had only lasted two weeks, and then she went through the torment of making sure all pieces of that part of her life were gone. As Rose knelt down, not careful of the fragments of glass that were on the carpet, she was brought back to how she felt that day, the day the picture was taken.

Auntie Edna had insisted that a picture was taken of Rose and Posey, to have a keepsake of a time when Posey was so small and delicate. Rose picked up the frame, sharp glass dug into the skin of her hand, but that pain didn’t come close to how her heart felt gazing upon the picture. Rose saw herself, just sixteen years old, with her hair tucked back and neat. Her body was hidden behind a bassinet, one with layers of blankets and frills, and led inside the bassinet was young Posey. Rose was leant over, giving a soft kiss on Posey’s forehead, a sweet interaction that Rose had done so many times in those eight weeks, and she was forced to remember how sweet it had been. It suddenly occurred to Rose that looking at the picture was the first time she had set eyes on her own daughter for four years, tears welled in her eyes and quickly cursed her great aunt for keeping the picture a secret for herself.

Rose didn’t understand why auntie Edna hadn’t shared the picture with her, but then remembered how she had gone off the rails when Posey died, how she made a point of burning Posey’s blankets and clothes in the fire place, not thinking about being watched by auntie Edna. She must’ve locked the picture away from Rose’s grief-stricken rage, only to be found by Mary, who had no idea of Posey’s existence.

Knelt on the glass-strewn carpet, hand dripping with blood, Rose wept quietly but held the frame close to her body. As she wept, she kept saying thank you over and over in her mind, a prayer to her great aunt for keeping such an item, she didn’t realise how much she needed to see Posey’s face until that moment.

\-----

Rose knew that she wasn’t welcome to talk to her parents when she made it back to the hotel that afternoon. They had booked themselves separate rooms, and Rose didn’t bother knocking on their door to try to explain things to them. Rose went to her room to be alone, she cleaned the blood off her hands, luckily none of the cuts she acquired from the glass were too deep, and no blood had gotten onto the photo, which had been Rose’s main concern. When Rose’s hands were clean, she took care in wrapping the frame in one of her skirts, then placed it carefully in her small case. She’d have to go about finding a new frame for the picture when she got back to Small Heath, but Rose felt calm knowing that it was safely tucked away.

Neither Henry or Mary acknowledged Rose the next day. They checked out of the hotel together, caught the cart to the station together, and got into the same train compartment, but no words had been shared since altercation the day before. They talked to one another, they leant in close and muttered too quickly for Rose to make out any distinguishable words, even though she pretended that she didn’t care. Of course, it was about her, Rose wasn’t that stupid, and even dared looks to them when she felt them glaring at her, but there was complete animosity between them. When Rose dared a glance, she wondered what was going through their minds, but didn’t think of all options, as she was in for a surprise when they got back home to Small Heath.

Rose was ready to retire to her room. In truth, she wanted to hole herself away and go into her case, take out the folded skirt and lie with her picture. She would’ve been away from the hostility of her parents and would’ve been free to see her daughter again. However, Henry had just put the key into the door, and with the three of them still standing on the doorstep, gave her awful news.

‘You have half an hour to pack your things. You’re not welcome back at this house, not with the shame you now bring.’

Rose stared wide-eyed back at her father, but he was resisting her surprised and hurt expression. Rose didn’t bother looking to her mother, she was giving the same awful look as Henry, Rose looked down to the floor and gripped onto the handle of her case tightly. Eventually, she was allowed in, and was tailed by her parents to the door of her room, but Rose shut it behind her, she wanted to pack her things in private.

The half an hour commenced, Rose had been sat on her bed for the final ten minutes of it, she hadn’t owned many possessions so only filled one more case, she spent most of her time counting the contents of her wages. Rose had kept a small tin in her bedside table, anything she didn’t spend went in it, and Rose went through the process of counting it three times over, worrying over how much a hotel room would cost, and if there would be any vacancies so late in the evening.

The sun had set just before they arrived home, and Rose didn’t want to know how wandering the street in the dead of night would’ve felt, but she didn’t have any choice in the matter. When her half hour was up, a knocking sounded at her door, and Rose knew her time was up. She hastily put her money in her bag, wanting to keep its existence from her parents, but it occurred to her that they may not be troubled in how her evening would turn out, or if she had somewhere to go in the first place.

Rose was seen out of the back door, and once she stepped out, the door was slammed shut behind her, the locks viciously turned to let her know she wasn’t welcome back. Tears didn’t start forming until Rose made it out onto the pavement on the main road, it wasn’t as late as she originally thought, and there were still people milling around. She tried her best to not look out of place, but a young woman with everything she owned in her hands, on the verge of tears was extraordinarily out of place; Rose did her best in keeping her head high and holding back the sobs of tears.

Before Rose thought of hotels or B&B’s, she wondered if Watery Lane was the best place for her to go. It would be humiliating, having to stand there as Polly opened the door and be seen as homeless, for a hope that Polly would take pity on her, but Rose couldn’t think of a better idea. Her stomach churned uncomfortably as she walked down the pavement, her eyes never left the front door, she knew she had to swallow her pride and seek refuge.

Rose breathed in unsteadily after she knocked on the door, but the inhale of air caught in her throat and tears fell down her cheeks. The tears were made worse when no one answered, Rose sobbed as she reached her hand forward and knocked again. To knock a second time felt more humiliating, but at least the door opened because of her persistence.

It wasn’t Polly, however. Rose hadn’t considered the fact that Tommy would’ve home that night. He was ready to shoo the late-night caller away, thinking it rude to be knocking so determinedly, but froze when he caught sight of Rose, eyes blood-shot with wet cheeks, an awful look of sorrow on her face. Tommy’s eyes flicked down to see what Rose was carrying, and his concern grew when he realised she was holding suitcases. Tommy didn’t have words formed in his mind when Rose tried to explain herself.

‘Tommy, please, I need that favour now.’ Her voice trembled, there was no hiding that she was desperate. ‘I have nowhere to go.’

In a flash, Tommy stood back and grabbed his coat, knowing exactly what to do for Rose. When the door was shut behind him, he took the larger case from Rose’s grip, and put a hand on her back, as a way of reassuring her as they walked off, back out onto the streets. Rose didn’t ask where they were going, but Tommy gave her the reassurance that everything would be alright. It wasn’t the right time for a proper explanation, Tommy would’ve gotten that out of her when things were more settled.

Rose fell into step with Tommy and let him take her away. She trusted Tommy enough that he wasn’t going to leave her somewhere horrible, or hand over the responsibility of her to someone else to prove that she wasn’t wanted by yet another person close to her. The hand Tommy had placed on Rose’s lower back remained as they walked through the streets, and Rose felt that as long as its presence remained, she was safe.

Even though the night was drawing in, Tommy wasn’t perturbed in the idea of knocking on the door of a boarding house, the one he knew the owner of. His incessant knocking made the front door open slightly, Rose could see that an old woman with sharp features whispered to Tommy about the time, but Tommy was adamant she let them in and have one of the rooms. The door was opened wider, the old woman looked to see Rose standing quietly behind Tommy, and it took a moment for her to answer to Tommy’s demands.

The landlady, Mrs Mason, then opened the door wider, allowing the two into the house. She shuffled off through a door to get the key for the spare room, and Tommy was given a second to calm Rose.

‘She’ll look after you.’ Tommy reassured, keeping his eyes on Rose to see her reaction. Tommy knew that there was a story to her evening, and he didn’t make it known just then, but he thought he was worthy to hear it, especially with him finding her a place to stay in such short notice. It was at no odds to him to obtain the room from Mrs Mason, but it meant more that it was being given to Rose.

Tommy took the key from Mrs Mason, and gestured Rose to walk up the flight of stairs with him. The room was two floors up, Tommy knew it well enough since he owned the building, but he thought that Rose wouldn’t care for that fact. Rose’s anxiety grew as they took each step up to her new room, she knew what was coming, she had to steel herself for it.

Rose thought the room was pleasant enough, a bed, a table and chairs, a set of units along the back wall, Rose would’ve just been fine with a roof over her head that night, and made herself adamant in remembering to owe Tommy, even though she passed it off as a favour he owed her. She placed her case, the one she knew had the frame inside, on the table, and Tommy put the one he was carrying on a chair.

It was then that Tommy looked to Rose, and she knew what he was doing. She walked over to the small window to see what kind of view there was, but couldn’t focus on a clear thought as she knew Tommy was behind her still, waiting for her. Facing away from him was the best way for Rose to have the courage to start speaking.

‘My parents threw me out.’

It was an obvious enough statement, but Tommy wasn’t going to make any comments. He stood in the middle of the room, hands in his coat pocket and waited in the silence. He hoped the silence would act as an encouragement, but maybe a way to make the air in the room slightly awkward, awkward enough for Rose to want to fill that silence with answers.

‘We went to the funeral, and then the wake.’ Rose said. Tommy’s trick was working, but she wasn’t getting to the point just yet.

‘I got the house. I didn’t expect that.’

Rose was clearly averting the truth; the stare Tommy was giving to the back of her head lessened, and he dropped his gaze. He wanted to sigh, to start tapping his shoe against the floorboard as a way to show he was getting impatient, but he felt that the truth was so close, he just had to hold out that moment longer.

‘I couldn’t go into the house that day, we went the next day and …’

It was then that Rose became aware that she was deflecting the answer, the true reason why she was stood looking out of a window onto a street she’d never lived on before. Rose sighed heavily, finally giving in, and she turned so she could sit on the bed. It was out of being defeated, in being pushed to tell the truth, and she was tired of having to hide it from Tommy.

When Rose settled herself, she gripped onto the side of the mattress with both hands and lifted her head slightly, still not daring eye contact.

‘I had a baby, Tommy.’

Rose saw out of the corner of her eye that Tommy’s body stiffened, but he remained silent. Rose dared to look up at him, and when she did, she was surprised to see him with a placid look on his face, and if she had looked closer, she would’ve seen a ghosting of a smile on his lips, made known by the softening of his eyes.

Tommy remained silent as he moved forward to take a seat next to Rose on the bed. Rose wasn’t sure what to do, Tommy didn’t seem mad at her, or upset with her, but the fact that he hadn’t actually said anything was making her more uncomfortable. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but being ridiculed may have made more sense than Tommy showing no obvious reaction. Tommy hadn’t sat for a second next to Rose before she was up, she went over to the table to open the case. Tommy watched as Rose dug inside it, wondering what she was getting, or if there was something else to the revealed secret.

Rose pulled the frame from her skirt, careful not to cut herself on the jagged edges of glass, and turned to sit back on the bed. Despite Tommy remaining elusive on his thoughts, she wanted him to see the long-lost picture of her, to see her for what she was in her own eyes. Rose faced Tommy as she sat down, and held the frame for Tommy to take.

‘Josephine, my baby. She died at eight weeks.’

Tommy stared down at the picture, still not having said anything. The baby was the secret, all that time Polly knew, and it was a baby. Her baby. Tommy didn’t know what he expected the secret to be, whenever he’d try to guess something, it usually ended up being horrible and then he’d convince himself that Rose couldn’t have gone through something like that; what he thought didn’t justify how she could’ve been so pleasant. The photograph was professionally taken, Rose and her baby looked ethereal, a time gone by that he himself hadn’t been a part of. Tommy wasn’t sure how old Rose was, but she looked youthful, not a blemish on her soft face as she was leant over the bassinet to kiss her daughter.

Tommy didn’t understand the love for a child, he was childless himself, but he could tell from the picture in front of him that there wasn’t a love like it. To think that Rose had something so pure, a part of herself to hold and cherish, to then be taken away from her was shocking. When Rose said the word baby, he hadn’t thought any less of her for having such a past, and felt strange in how she couldn’t trust him all that time with such a secret. It wasn’t his place to know such things about her, it was down to her to tell her own secrets, but in knowing what the secret was, Tommy wished that he had been enough for Rose beforehand.

Tommy looked from the picture to Rose, her eyes looked saddened as they gazed on the picture, and he compared the two of them. The Rose in the picture was someone Tommy had never met, there was a look on her face that he’d never seen before, and he knew that Rose was at her happiest in that time. Then he saw the Rose sat next to him on the bed, exhausted from the day, relieved for Tommy to know the secret, but they weren’t comparable. Tommy guessed that Rose had never been the same since the day her daughter died.

‘They didn’t know about her, and they didn’t have to.’ Rose said, and Tommy realised that it was her parents she was referring to. It then occurred to him that her baby was the reason she had been turned out and pitied Rose even more.

‘I thought everything had gone, of her memory, I didn’t realise my great aunt kept this picture.’ Rose’s head remained lowered, her eyes staying on the frame in question. It wasn’t because she was ashamed to look Tommy in the eye, she just never wanted to look away from her daughter for a second, it seemed, not with having gone so long without it beforehand.

‘It’s ruined.’ Tommy finally spoke, and it was an obvious statement to make. Tommy berated himself for saying something so stupid, but Rose wasn’t bothered.

‘My father threw it across the room.’

The more Tommy heard about Rose’s parents’ actions, the more he wished he had been harsher when they had betrayed him just a few months prior, but he wasn’t to know what they were capable of then. Tommy didn’t think sharing his opinions of Rose’s parents would benefit the situation, but that didn’t mean ideas weren’t already forming in his mind.

Tommy stood up, the frame still in hand, and walked over to the bare window sill. Rose watched him place the broken frame in the centre, the first piece of decoration in her new room. Rose’s heart warmed as Tommy performed the gesture, it was his way of showing her that he wasn’t angry nor disgusted at her past. When Tommy turned, he held out his hands for Rose to take, it took her a moment to realise what he was doing, but without a word, she put her hands in his.

Tommy took his hands from Rose’s to then place around her, bringing her body in close for what he had been waiting to do since she got back from being away. He had dreamed about having her back in Small Heath, even though she had been gone for just three days, it felt long enough in Tommy’s mind. The embrace meant more after what Rose had just shared, Tommy was telling Rose, without using words, that nothing had changed between them, that he didn’t judge her. He could feel Rose’s body relaxing into his, and that’s all he wanted to give her, comfort and acceptance.

One hand rested on the small of Rose’s back, holding her body tight against his, and the other soothed her upper back. As much as Tommy thought Rose needed it, he needed it for himself. His eyes closed in contentment as Rose used her nails to stroke the back of his neck, like when they had first kissed, and the sensation sent shivers down his spine. He didn’t want to admit it, but Rose had found his weak spot. Tommy could feel Rose’s hot breath on his skin, the weight of her body on his, the itch of her nails, and he didn’t want to let go.

‘Please stay the night.’ Rose whispered.

Tommy wasn’t in a position to tell her no, the tingle down his spine was rooting him to the spot. He wasn’t exhausted by any means, the blood rushing around his body was keeping him coherent to everything, but Rose was tired, from the journey she had made, and from the situation she had been in.

Rose made the first move and pulled away from Tommy. The loss of contact was immediate, but Tommy didn’t make a motion to complain. Rose wasn’t bothered that Tommy was still in the room, she took her blouse and skirt off, and slipped on the nightie she had placed into her suitcase. Without a word, Tommy followed suit, even though he had no nightwear to get into, he stripped down to his underwear.

There was no embarrassment in being so exposed to one another, it wasn’t a time to be shy, and when Rose got into the sparsely made bed, Tommy knew that she was waiting for him to get in with her. Rose moved next to Tommy when he joined her, she put an arm around his chest and placed her head on his body. Tommy felt it natural to be so close to Rose, to bring his arm under her body to gently run his fingers up her back. Nothing had been said to one another, they were relaxing into each other’s bodies, almost feeling familiar with the touch.

Their breathing ended up being the only sound throughout the room, there was no clock on the walls that ticked, no bad weather making rain tap on the window pane, and no creaking from floorboards as it was so late in the night. Rose calmed down with the feeling of Tommy’s warm body next to her, she could feel his heartbeat pulsing, it felt so good to have him close.

‘I miss her.’ The serenity of the room encouraged Rose, she felt comfortable to talk about such things with Tommy. When she had spoken to Polly or Ada about Posey, it was only brief, nothing came from the heart as she thought it would’ve been too painful.

Tommy moved his head to see Rose, he watched as she blinked softly, from his angle he could see her eyelashes lying flat on her cheeks for a moment, but he didn’t see any tears. He continued to stroke her back softly, thinking that the comfort he was giving her was enough to encourage more from her.

‘I thought I just had her in my memory.’

‘You looked so happy then.’

Tommy’s voice rumbled in his chest, Rose’s felt it against her cheek, and was glad that he too was confident enough to talk. She didn’t want the subject to make conversations awkward between one another, Rose wanted to be honest about that part of her life, and she considered Tommy worthy enough to hear it.

‘I was. After Posey, I didn’t want to live.’ It was a horrible thing to say, but it was the truth. Tommy swallowed thickly, his vision distorted for a moment and could only focus on Rose’s words, his hand faltered against her back, and she noticed the lapse of movement.

‘But then I changed my mind. If I died, there would’ve been only one person who would’ve known about her existence. I would’ve died in vain.’

Tommy smiled softly, he recognised the headstrong Rose he had gotten to know over the past couple of months. To think that Rose had such conviction after her daughter’s death gave Tommy more reason to believe that she was stronger than she presented herself.

‘I’m living to remember her.’

‘Is that all you’re living for?’ Tommy liked asking the questions, he felt there was so much to gain from doing so. He liked asking the questions, but he felt in the reverse situation, Tommy wouldn’t be so open with his past. Tommy wasn’t given time to wonder about that scenario, as he felt the weight of Rose’s head leave his chest. He looked down to see that she was gazing up at him, a way to gauge what he meant by his question.

‘I was, for a long time, but then things changed.’ Rose put her head back down, then brought her hand up to feel Tommy’s chest, she dragged her nails lightly to give herself a small distraction as she organised her thoughts.

‘I was scared to move back here, things seemed so … set. I could visit her grave every day, and not worry about anything else.’

‘Did things change for the better?’ It was Tommy’s selfish attempt at getting Rose to say something specific, specific about himself. Luckily, Rose didn’t think anything of it, and replied just as honestly as she did with the other questions.

‘I’ve been able to realise things. Live more.’ Rose didn’t think it was the time to profess her love for Tommy, she thought she was allowed to not confront those feelings at that particular moment. Tommy silently agreed with her, thinking that he may have gone too far with his question.

Silence lapse between them once again, but neither Rose nor Tommy were ready to sleep. Lying in each other’s arms was such a new sensation, they wanted to be conscious to experience it. As well as that, Tommy still had questions.

‘What happened to him?’ Tommy didn’t want it to be a sensitive subject, since he was keen to know if there was still a connection between Rose and the father of her child.

‘M.I.A in the war.’ Rose said, no sign of emotion hitting her words yet. ‘The last time I saw him was when I waved him off when he left to serve. He never got to meet her.’

Rose’s words sounded regretful, for the sake of the mysterious father. Tommy knew that in the majority of most cases, M.I.A meant dead, but he didn’t think it clever to say that out loud.

Tommy couldn’t think of anything wise to respond with, so kept his fingers drifting softly against Rose’s clothed back, the sensation was enough to make her eyes close and send her off to sleep. Tommy stayed awake, he didn’t know how long for, but the feeling of Rose’s weight against him was sending blood around his body, he found it hard to let sleep take him.

Lying there, just as knowledgeable as Pol, perhaps even more so, Tommy was glad that he had never pushed for an answer in the past. To know that a baby was involved didn’t explicitly change the way Tommy saw Rose, she wasn’t some ruined, childless woman, though he imagined a lot of people would’ve thought so, namely her parents. Tommy had more respect for Rose in that regard, she was only human, like himself, with skeletons to hide. He vowed to himself then, when Rose sighed dreamily and her breath was felt on his skin, that if anyone would cause her grief for her past, no matter in jape or as a taunt, nor to vilify her, he’d pull the trigger at point blank.

Tommy knew he couldn’t do such a thing with Rose’s parents, however, but ideas were forming in what course of action should be taken against them, since they were no longer worthy of being honoured with courtesy just because they were related to Rose. As far as Tommy was aware, they had shown their true colours, and he would’ve been more than happy in showing them the mistake they had made.

Still awake much later in the night, a slight ache was setting in Tommy’s arm, it was bent awkwardly, but he couldn’t bring himself to move it. Thoughts moved on from the comeuppance of Rose’s parents to Rose herself, and the image that had burned itself into his mind. Rose with a baby, not just holding one in her arms, but with her belly round and loved, Tommy didn’t know how to process such thoughts.

There was a time when Tommy thought that having children would’ve been nice, the rewards of fatherhood greater than anything else, but when John had his brood, those ideas of fatherhood had changed. Besides, there hadn’t been someone in mind, not for a long time. There was no doubt in Tommy’s mind that Rose’s had been a good mother, that’s why the thought of her death pained her so greatly, but to make it so far in her life showed her strength, and Tommy wondered. He wondered what it would feel like, just a frivolous thought, of Rose bearing his child, and how he would’ve held the baby in his arms and would’ve felt what she felt for her daughter.

\-----

Rose thought it would be an odd feeling to wake up in her new room, it was louder than being at home, her old home, she had to correct herself. Mrs Mason only let girls stay in the building, and most of them would get up early to go to work, and they’d let everyone know it. Heels striding across the floorboards from above, below and heard in the hallway, it was what woke Rose up in the morning. She’d lie there, too early for her to get up to get to her shift, and listen to them all.

It started off like an empty feeling, not being around her family anymore. It’s not as if they put any effort into paying Rose much attention, they’d go downstairs and to work before Rose was finished with her breakfast, but they were her family. It had been a week since the ordeal had occurred, Rose had started calling it an ordeal rather than being kicked out, but there was no hiding the truth. Rose had to accept that her parents were ashamed of her, but she knew not to be. As she’d led there, the morning sun filtering into her room, she’d see a shadow forming on the floor, one from the frame on her window sill. Looking up at it made the empty feeling go away, and then Rose would feel better about getting on with her day, like nothing had changed.

Rose found that living on her own wasn’t such a bad thing, not when she had everything she needed in those four walls. Rose made sure she spent a lot of time at work, being out of the small room enough to not go mad with boredom, there were only so many times she could wipe down the units and sweep the floor.

For the first week of living in the boarding house, Rose noticed that Mrs Mason would watch her walk up and down the stairs when she left and arrived, peeking through the door to her private room. More often than not, Rose would make eye contact with Mrs Mason as a way to challenge her, but that wouldn’t deter her from stealing her glances. For a short while, Rose was worried that she knew of her situation, and had seen the picture frame in her room. However, nothing was said, but Rose knew that if Mrs Mason had found out, she’d be thrown out of another house, it wasn’t right for such ruined women to be allowed to stay in boarding houses.

Then, at meal times, Mrs Mason would let her eyes linger on Rose some more. It didn’t occur to Rose until much later that it was due to Tommy being the one to show her into the house that might’ve caused Mrs Mason to scrutinise her so much, Rose doubted that it wasn’t common for him to give someone who wasn’t family that kind of attention. Other thoughts then went through Rose’s mind, thinking that Mrs Mason must’ve thought Rose some kind of whore, or a down-and-out, or that she was giving Tommy favours. Since mealtimes were always so busy, Rose never got a chance to explain her situation, not that she wanted the other girls in the house to know. Mrs Mason never spoke much during mealtimes anyway, so there was no point mentioning it.

Tommy made sure that Rose was comfortable in the house, and had offered several other places for her to stay if she wanted, but Rose liked the boarding house, and even tolerated the landlady. That, and she didn’t want to seem picky. She had moved out, settled in a new place, there was no need to make more issues about the ordeal.

That didn’t remain the case, however. The day after Rose moved into the boarding house, she was on time for her shift at the Garrison, Tommy had mentioned nothing of taking the day off when he left that morning. When she walked through the door, Arthur stared at her like he’d never seen her before in his life. Rose ignored it and walked to the back room, but before she could make her way through the door, Arthur called out to her.

‘Rose, I thought that you were taking the day off.’ Arthur said, and he moved from behind the counter to catch up with her. Rose shook her head, confused as to why Arthur would’ve thought that, but it explained why he looked confused at her appearance.

‘It’s just that, uh, Tommy came in, not long ago, to tell me what happened.’ Arthur said, his voice unnaturally soft. Rose went wide-eyed for a moment, panicked in how much Tommy had said to Arthur, and looked to him for answers.

‘He told me that your parents threw you out, and said that you’d be having the day off.’

‘Is that all he said?’

Arthur nodded his head and crossed his arms over his chest. Rose didn’t want to be sent home, and Arthur was sometimes tricky to convince, but she downplayed the situation in an attempt to coerce Arthur.

‘It’s fine, Arthur, I’m alright to work today.’ It wasn’t the most convincing argument Rose had made for herself, and it showed on Arthur’s face, as he pursed his lips and stared at Rose.

‘I don’t want to get it in the neck from Tommy that I let you work-’

‘Arthur,’ Rose interrupted, ‘if Tommy gets annoyed, send him to me. I’ll set him straight about the situation.’ Rose’s voice was firmer that time, and did the trick to persuade Arthur. He groaned loudly and ran a hand through his slicked back hair, annoyed that Rose wanted to stay. Even though Rose was sure enough to deal with Tommy on her own, he knew Tommy would have a few words to say to him. He looked down to Rose, who was staring back at him, looking like she was ready to counter argue again, and gave in.

‘Right, if you’re working today, I have a stack of receipts that need sorting. I didn’t do any work when you were away, so you’ll be busy today. That’s what you want, isn’t it?’ Arthur sounded like he was being mean, but Rose smiled at him, knowing that he was just teasing in his ungraceful way.

When Rose stepped into the office, she realised Arthur wasn’t joking about the books being untouched, it seemed that he had thrown all sorts of papers down; it was like when Rose had to first sort the books out when she started working at the pub, there was no cohesion to anything.

Tommy came in later that day, Rose could tell that it was him from the way the footsteps sounded up to the door, she stopped writing in the book and flicked her eyes over in anticipation of his arrival. Tommy had changed from the night before, he was silent as he gazed over Rose’s form, sat at the desk, in the place where he didn’t want her to be. Tommy didn’t get a chance to tell Rose off, she carried on with her work and pretended nothing was wrong as he sat on the chair next to the desk and lit a cigarette. Taking the seat without asking was Tommy’s way of making his feelings known without using words, Rose knew that he didn’t want her working so soon after she had been kicked out, but she didn’t think the same; she showed that in the way she carried on doing her job, seemingly oblivious to Tommy’s presence.

Tommy didn’t try and stop Rose from working, but he made a point of his annoyance by lingering in the office and reading his newspaper. Rose was sure that it was in his allocated lunch break that he turned up, but all he did was smoke and rustle the paper obnoxiously when he turned the page. Rose liked the simplicity of it, nothing much was said between them during those times, but nothing needed to be said anyway, sitting in silence was just as comfortable as if they were speaking to one another.

The only time that Rose would feel uncomfortable during those afternoons was when Tommy would get up to leave, he would get Rose’s attention by holding out a hand to her, his way of making her stand. Rose would put her hand in his, rise from the chair and watch as Tommy moved his head closer, all the while, his eyes bore into hers, not glancing away for a moment. Rose’s breath would hitch, her stomach would go light and her legs would quiver as Tommy tenderly kissed her. At first the connection would be light, the quivering in Rose’s thighs would creep up her spine, and a moan would escape her lips as Tommy would let his tongue swipe against her parted lips.

The part that become unbearable was when Tommy pulled away, taking his leave to go back to his office, leaving Rose rooted to the spot. Her hands clenched out of frustration, and her thighs were pulsing, so much so that she had to pull them together to lessen the ache. Rose would shudder and break from her position, most times she had lean a hand on the desk to hold herself up. Rose was sure Tommy knew what he was doing, leaving her desiring for him, but he left so quickly every time it couldn’t be brought up. As Tommy started coming to the pub to see her, Rose would be distracted from her work since she knew what was coming at the end of the hour before he would leave. They would share glances with one another every so often, but the subject wasn’t broached, that’s what made Rose feel uneasy in her seat.

Other than those moments with Tommy, which would leave Rose wanting more, Rose was being treated well by all the Shelby’s. Tommy had never let on how much he told his family, but Rose was sure he missed the part of her daughter being the reason for her living in a new flat. It wasn’t what Rose was expecting, but even John was being nice to her. It was only noticeable when there was a group of them together, namely with Tommy being around. John would keep his sentences short, he didn’t swear as much and even gave Rose small smiles when they made eye contact. Rose would soon notice that after John would be polite to her, he gave Tommy a small look, seeing if he had done the right thing.

Rose liked to think that Tommy was looking out for her, but it wasn’t as if she could be wrapped in cotton wool. Rose would sometimes watch how Tommy acted in front of the others, as the man in charge, he still had a reputation to keep up. His voice remained stern and blunt, business-minded like usual. But when he replied to John’s look with one of acceptance, just a small nod and a quick look to over Rose, she felt like she was being looked after, even though she wasn’t asking for it. Again, nothing was spoken about the exchange, everything was understood through looks between one another.

Soon after, Arthur started sending Rose to Watery Lane at the end of her shifts. When questioned about it, all he could respond with was a shrug, so Rose had no choice but to follow his words. At first, Rose thought that Tommy was the one she was going to see, and was just getting Arthur to be the messenger, but she found it was Polly that was waiting for her.

‘Come on, love, I’ve had this basket waiting for you, come look.’ Polly took Rose into the kitchen and saw the basket in question. It was only small, with treats tucked inside like a bottle of rum, an expensive looking box of chocolates, a folded blanket and some candles. Rose ran a hand over the fabric and looked to Polly.

‘This is lovely, thank you.’

‘I don’t want you thinking that you don’t deserve it, and I can’t make you proper food parcels, though you know I would.’ Polly smirked. ‘I just want to know that you’ve got everything you need.’ Polly raised her eyebrows, waiting for Rose to start talking. She was asking in a light manner, hoping to not deter her.

‘Everything’s fine, Polly, really.’ Rose wasn’t lying, and since there was no one else in the kitchen, she didn’t mind in being honest with her, it wasn’t as if Tommy was much of a talker that she could go to him.

‘I’m used to doing things on my own, it just … all happened in such a short space of time.’ Rose was hinting that there was more to be said, and since it was the first time Polly was alone with Rose since everything had happened, she beckoned for her to sit down and say what she needed.

‘Tommy said you’d been kicked out. Well, not in those words at first, he told everyone you’d moved out, but he wasn’t so graceful in the way he said them. It was obvious that something had gone on, and when John started asking questions he snapped.’

Rose was deathly silent as she listened to Polly, realising that she was curious in hearing how Tommy was around others when she was being discussed, and how he spoke of her when around his family.

‘I went to Tommy after, and I had an inkling that he knew found out about … your daughter.’ Polly gave a sincere look to Rose, and she swallowed hard.

‘He was coy with me at first, as if he was keeping the secret himself, and that I didn’t know about it. I asked what really happened, I had to fill in some blanks, Tommy wasn’t giving anything away. And then I said the word ‘Posey’, that got his attention.’

Rose’s stomach tightened, afraid that not all was as it seemed. She was on the edge of her seat, hoping that Tommy didn’t say anything that went against his actions the night he saw Rose to the new flat.

‘He said that you had been taken care of, he’d found you a place, and said that it was all because your parents found out about her.’

Rose had stopped staring at Polly, her eyes shifted to the side in deep thought, in remembrance of that night. ‘What else did he say?’

Polly sighed. ‘I tried to get more out of him, but all he said was that you aren’t to be treated differently over what happened, nor did he want word to spread about Posey.’ Polly put her arms on the table, her hands were close to Rose but were locked in a grasp.

‘How did he take it? When he found out about her?’

It took Rose a few moments to think back in how he reacted, it had been such a strange night and everything had happened so quickly. The fear and exhaustion were strong in Rose’s mind, to finally reveal the secret was like a weight off of her chest, but she couldn’t forget the intense worry she had over Tommy’s reaction.

‘He didn’t say anything at first, I don’t know if that was a good or bad thing, but he didn’t seem angry. I showed him a picture of her, the one that my parents found when we went to my great aunt’s house. I wanted him to see her, to see me with her.’ Rose neglected to mention that Tommy had stayed the night with her, sleeping in each other’s arms because she had asked him to. Rose didn’t want Polly thinking that she had acted needy, or that her feelings were heightened in the moment and she hadn’t thought straight.

‘He asked some questions about her, I felt comfortable in answering them.’ Rose felt like she was exposing herself to Polly, but it was the strict truth about the matter. Rose thought that it sounded like she was giving an admission to Polly, saying that she cared for Tommy without expressly saying it.

‘I feel like something’s changed with him.’ Polly uttered, it was more than an internal thought that she was airing, it wasn’t usual for Polly to tell others about her worries so freely. Rose picked up on it, and thought of several different replies, but in the end, she kept her mouth shut. It would’ve been all well and good knowing things about Tommy, and what kind of person he was when she wasn’t around, but Rose wanted to understand that aspect through talking to Tommy herself. They hadn’t said much between them since their night together, neither of them had brought the subject up, and Rose didn’t want to jinx anything by getting answers through Polly. Since it was such a sensitive subject, that being her relationship with Tommy, Rose knew that she wanted to be private about things.

Rose kept her own promise from then on, even if Polly did ask such questions regarding her relationship with Tommy. It wasn’t as if Rose didn’t trust her, but when she hardly knew the situation herself, she thought it best to not discuss it with anyone. The chance to talk things through with Tommy dwindled, as his trips to the office during his break became few and far between. However, that meant that the kiss he left Rose with when he did arrive became longer, and in Rose’s case, agonisingly pleasurable.

No longer did Tommy just drift his lips over hers, but he left a trail of his touch down her jaw, further to the skin of her neck, Rose couldn’t grip onto Tommy’s blazer tight enough. She would breath out Tommy’s name, just loud enough for him to hear, but that only encouraged him to carry on, to prolong his gentle kisses against her skin. After his attention on her neck, Tommy would lift his head to see the effect he had caused her. Tommy would note the way Rose’s eyelids were slack in pleasure, and how she’d swallow thickly. He also became aware of how her grip was keeping his body close to hers, and would lift the corner of his mouth in satisfaction.

Tommy did have an ulterior motive with his attentions to Rose. There was the carnal side of him that wanted the intimacy, and he derived pleasure from seeing her brought almost to her knees from his lips, but he also wanted to gain another wave of trust from her. Tommy still had questions for Rose, about her life with her great aunt, but didn’t think it would’ve been fair to ask her everything so soon after her death. It was his attempt at trust, even if there may have been better alternatives.

Since the meetings in the afternoon lessened, Tommy had to think of how he was going to be alone with Rose. He still had questions for her, so no longer did their moments together stay silent, his curiosity got the better of him. That afternoon, he hadn’t been paying attention to his newspaper, and no matter how many times he tried, he still seemed to be reading the same sentence over and over again.

Rose was hard at work, only taking a moment for herself when she sipped from her teacup. Tommy glanced over the top of his paper when she did so, and every time she did, the words were on the tip of his tongue. He felt silly in thinking that he didn’t have the courage to ask, he was sure that Rose wouldn’t have blamed him for his interest.

‘Rose.’

The deep sound of Tommy’s voice that rung through the room made Rose look up, and she caught eyes with him. There was a slight coarseness to Tommy’s voice, like his throat was dry because he hadn’t used it in a while. It sounded accusing in some manner, and Rose kept quiet until Tommy continued.

‘I was … I have more questions, about your time with your great aunt.’ Tommy stated, but he hadn’t finished just yet, and edged further with his curiosity. ‘… and him.’

Rose breathed out slowly and leant back from the desk. Although it wasn’t her favourite subject to talk about, Rose appreciated that Tommy didn’t have all the answers regarding her past, and secretly, she hoped that by sharing her past, Tommy would be encouraged to speak of his.

Rose looked over to Tommy, giving him a sincere look. She wasn’t going to deny him the information, but was going to be picky about what she shared, for her sake. She took her teacup from its saucer and nursed it.

‘He moved to the village just a few months before he was deployed.’ Rose started, her eyes drifted away as she remembered. ‘He liked to walk me home after school, taking much longer than we needed to. About the night we … well-’ Rose faltered in her words, she didn’t know how to phrase what she had done, so tried a different way of explaining.

‘Auntie Edna had gone away to see some family, I remember she was gone for almost a week. We, being young and stupid,’ Rose had to remind herself of that harsh fact, ‘spent the night together. Surely you know what that’s like, Tommy?’

It was then that Rose focused her eyes on Tommy, his bright, blue eyes were staring pointedly at hers, but he made no effort in answering her question. Rose wasn’t really looking for an answer from him, but was trying to justify herself of the night she constantly reminded herself years on.

‘I cried for a month when he left for service, it seemed like the worst thing had happened to me. Little did I know.’ The comment was crude, but Rose couldn’t help herself.

‘One thing I do remember is that he always said, that when he got back, we would do things properly. Having thought about that for a long time, he never actually said the word marriage, just properly.’

To clear her throat, Rose took a sip from her tea. It was a small step in revisiting her past, but Rose didn’t feel emotional, nor forced to relay that part of her life. It felt somewhat normal to inform someone of the existence of the father of Posey, like there was nothing inherently wrong with him or the situation.

Rose looked to Tommy for his response, and from what she could gather, he seemed happy with what had been said. The corners of his lips rose slightly, the sight was comforting, but at that moment in time, Rose didn’t think that Tommy would have any harsh words to say. However, he remained silent, as if mulling over her words, but Rose wasn’t happy with Tommy giving her a soft look, she wanted more.

‘Tommy,’ Rose said faintly, letting her immediate thoughts take precedence, ‘you kept quiet both times. Tell me what you think, please.’

With Rose’s insistence, Tommy took a moment to plan his reply. In other instances, if he didn’t want to share his opinion, he didn’t. That worked mainly in business meetings, Tommy would use silence to convey particular emotions, mostly negative. But he wasn’t in a meeting, he was in front of Rose, and the thought of the engagement ring tucked away in his desk drawer came to mind.

Tommy had two options. A simple response of telling Rose that he didn’t blame her and he understood would have sufficed, never before had Tommy given such a detailed look into his true feelings, not out loud and certainly not to Rose. Once again, the engagement ring flashed up in his mind, and he thought of the risk. The risk of telling Rose something so true, to expose himself to Rose in a way he hadn’t before. Tommy wanted the trust between them to grow, and he knew that couldn’t be done unless he bared parts of his soul to her, to give her what she wanted, not just what he wanted to give her. To not know how Rose would respond would be the risk, but Tommy knew it was wise to take it.

Tommy leant forward in the chair, bringing his hand up to place it on the desktop, a way to bring himself closer to Rose. With his body forward, he kept his head down slightly and looked to Rose through his eyelashes.

‘Nothing you could ever tell me would make me think less of you, Rose.’ Tommy didn’t even know if he was breathing anymore, he was holding Rose’s gaze and he couldn’t look away. ‘Nothing.’

Rose let out a shudder of a breath, feeling hairs rise up on the back of her neck. It was lucky that she didn’t drop her teacup, as she felt her body go light and the grip of it lessened for a moment. She was thankful, if not taken aback, by Tommy’s unexpected and sincere response. All reservations on Tommy’s thoughts about her were quashed in that moment, the sense of relief was so strong that Rose felt like crying.

The kiss that Tommy left Rose with that afternoon was unlike the others he’d given. It wasn’t a one-sided affair where Tommy would make Rose feel weak then leave her breathless, that time he was soft and caring, knowing it was the right thing to do, knowing that it was what Rose wanted. There wasn’t any reason to be shy, or reserved, or to use heated touches to convey affection for one another, the sweetness of a kiss was right for them in that moment.

The trust between Tommy and Rose was strong, they weren’t playing silly games with one another, interspersed with moments of intense affection. They had changed, and for the better. No longer was Rose worried about Tommy’s opinion of her, he had laid his cards on the table and she was delighted. Tommy had shown a part of himself and the payoff was worth it. He felt so confident in their relationship that he wasn’t ashamed in going further.

A present, wrapped in brown paper, was held tightly in Tommy’s grip, too large to be tucked into his pocket. He knocked on the boarding house door, thinking that barging in unannounced would set Mrs Mason off on the wrong foot. Even her dreary attitude didn’t falter his rare good mood, he even spared a smile at her, but that was only to spite her.

Tommy got a warmer reception when Rose opened her door. When he walked in, the first time he’d been to her place since he’d seen her there, the room had changed dramatically. Several lamps gave the room a soft glow, it seemed warm even without the small log burner heating the room. A few pictures were on the window sill, with the most important standing in the middle, taking pride of place. A vase of flowers as on the nightstand, and Tommy felt truly bathed in Rose’s company, parts of her were seen throughout the decoration of the room, and to feel welcome already felt like a privilege.

Rose politely offered tea, not asking what he was holding just yet but had eyed the package in his hands, and Tommy sat at the small table to watch her. It was pleasant to watch Rose completing a menial task, the soft light made her look blissful, Tommy couldn’t quite believe that she could look so with all she had been through.

Although Tommy would’ve been happy to sit and watch Rose all evening, he remembered his purpose for the visit. He still had hold of the package as Rose poured the tea, he waited until she was settled to hand it over. Rose gave him a sweet smile before she unwrapped it, and Tommy felt a lump catch in his throat. He didn’t think that he’d be nervous to see her reaction, but felt his palms become slightly damp.

Rose wasn’t expecting anything, there had been no inclination to, but she felt the wind knock out of her chest as she removed the paper wrapping to see Tommy’s gift. The picture frame was brand new, and made from the finest giltwood, it looked so delicate Rose didn’t want to handle it. Still in awe of the gift, she didn’t realise when Tommy went to stand up. When she did, she remained speechless as she watched him walk to the window sill and got the ruined frame that held her favourite picture.

It seemed that their precious moments would occur in silence, not because they never knew what to say to one another, but speaking would’ve ruined the sincerity of it, actions spoke more than words could. Tommy sat back in his chair and set to taking the picture out of the frame. In being watched, he moved slowly, using the tips of his fingers to pull back the picture of Rose and Posey, then held a hand out for the new frame. Rose watched with keen eyes as Tommy placed the photograph in the new frame.

The warm light of the room made the photography seem dreamy, with the new frame making it look priceless, Tommy was proud that he could give such a present to Rose. When he placed the frame on the small table for them both to admire, he looked over to see Rose’s reaction, and was breathless by the sight of her looking so intensely at him, and if he could dare it, so lovingly.

‘Perfect.’

Tommy held Rose’s eye contact as he spoke about the frame, and he wasn’t being coy. Truthfully, Tommy was regarding Rose. Her smile was reaching the far corners of her mouth, entranced by Tommy’s glistening, blue eyes, then looked away suddenly. When Tommy looked closely enough, he saw pools of tears glimmering in Rose’s eyes.

‘Thank you, Tommy.’

\-----

The gold frame stood prouder than ever on Rose’s window sill, a smile was brought to her lips whenever she glanced over to it. It felt so good to see the picture of Posey and have happiness fill her rather than sadness.

Weeks had passed since Rose had moved into her new room, she was surprised in how she hadn’t yet come across her parents around Small Heath, but it was like their connection never existed. The only reminder that Rose had been a part of the family was the letters she had to send to Mr Denby to redirect any information he was sending to them, neglecting to mention why she no longer lived at her parents’ address. Rose had forgotten that her great aunts house was left to her, the whirlwind of moving had put that out of her mind, but hoped that no information was given to her parents in the meantime.

After the first letter, Mr Denby redirected their correspondence to Mr Simmons, who had been auntie Edna’s accountant. Soon the letters became more and more confusing, and plans were harder to make with the distance between them. Mr Simmons was the one to suggest going to Derbyshire to settle the accounts properly, and Rose knew that he was right.

There was the issue of Rose not knowing about houses, as she had never owned one before. The money side was easy enough to understand, but property was out of her comfort zone, and could think of only one thing to do in that instance. Rose’s hopes weren’t high, she knew Tommy was a busy man, but he was the only person she could think of to rely on in that situation.

Like the night she had been turned out of her house, Rose went to Watery Lane with hope for help. Tommy wasn’t the one who answered the door, Polly saw in her and Rose knew the way to his office. Whether Tommy had been busy or not didn’t matter, he was attentive to Rose as soon as she stepped through the threshold of his office.

‘I have a question, Tommy.’

Tommy leant forward in his chair after lighting a cigarette. ‘Go ahead, Rose.’

‘I know you’re busy, and I understand if you can’t help me, but I’m planning to go to my great aunt’s house, to sort out the accounts and the house. I thought it would be good to have another set of eyes there, I don’t want to make mistakes or anything.’ Unknowingly to Rose, she was digging her nails into her palms as she spoke. She thought she wasn’t nervous in asking the question, but it was the idea that Tommy wouldn’t help her that made her tense up.

‘It’s alright if you’re busy, Tommy, but I thought that since you know about that kind of thing, you might be able to part some of your wisdom-’

Tommy smiled at Rose’s uneasy tone, he couldn’t understand why she was anxious after all they had been through. She wasn’t asking for a lot, so Tommy put her out of her misery.

‘Course I will, Rose. If you need my help I’m more than happy to give it.’

Rose felt relieved that Tommy was obliging, when she sighed with relief, she realised it meant more to her than just Tommy providing legal advice. They’d be going to Derbyshire together, to a place where good and bad things had happened to Rose, and it was a sentimental place. But Rose was excited for Tommy to see it, she was hoping he’d say yes so that he could see where she grew up and how she lived, she felt that it was important to her.

Rose even had the luxury of taking the car up to the house rather than a train. She had tried to dissuade Tommy in using it, thinking it too much of a luxury for such a short trip, but at Tommy’s insistence she let up. To pass the time, Rose prepared by bringing a magazine with her to read on the way, but the excitement of going to the house turned the car journey into a monologue from Rose. She told Tommy about that part of the country, the school she went to, the stable work she ended up doing and the neighbours she and auntie Edna had. The magazine was led next to her, forgotten about.

When they entered the village, Rose gave Tommy directions to the house. It felt nice being the one with the knowledge, even if it was just directions. When the house came into view, Rose didn’t react like she did the last time she saw it. It felt more like returning to something good, even though Rose knew the house was empty and it wasn’t auntie Edna’s anymore.

Seeing the house with Tommy felt good because Rose was ready to show Tommy around. As she put the key into the lock she braced herself, but a quick glance at Tommy, who’s eyes were soft and encouraging, put her worries to the side. They were there together, alone, and it was a good thing.

The living room was first, Rose was halfway through telling her tales when a crunching noise sounded from underfoot. Both Tommy and Rose looked down, and Rose was reminded of the broken glass she’d salvaged her frame from. She hadn’t cleared it up the last time she was at the house, it felt strange to see that nothing had moved since, like the house had been frozen in time since Rose was last there.

‘I’m sorry, Tommy. I forgot.’

Tommy bent down with Rose, he pulled out a handkerchief and started putting the pieces in it without a word, but Rose tried to stop him.

‘No, you don’t have to do that.’ Rose took the handkerchief from Tommy’s hand before he could protest and looked to him. ‘I’ll clean this, you look at the rest of the house. I won’t be long. Your room’s up the stairs and on the right.’

Instead of objecting, Tommy nodded his head and stood up. Rose picked up the pieces of glass slowly, and looked over her shoulder once she knew Tommy was out of the room. She berated herself for not cleaning it up at the time, thinking that it had ruined the good mood between her and Tommy.

Tommy didn’t bother looking into the kitchen, and instead, took his and Rose’s case and brought them up the stairs, trying to be helpful in another way. He had thought about booking a hotel room, out of courtesy for Rose’s reputation more than anything else, but Rose was insistent on the spare room of the house being good enough, probably not thinking about how it looked to the others in the village when they found out two people were sharing the house alone. He took Rose’s directions, leaving Rose’s case by one of the other doors, and went into his bedroom. The neat, single bed was disheartening, but it wasn’t something he was going to complain about.

Leaving his case by the threshold of the door, Tommy walked over to the window to see his view for the next few days. The garden was small, but was beginning to grow colour in the late spring months, but the array of flowers wasn’t what caught Tommy’s eye. The small stone, not obvious enough to mark a plot, was tucked away near the flowering bushes, but Tommy knew what he was looking for.

A light knock on the door made Tommy turn. The door was wide open, and it occurred to Tommy that Rose could’ve been standing there for more time than she let on, he was wondering if she was thinking the same as him, if she came looking for the small head stone as well.

Rose walked up to Tommy’s side, arms behind her back and a sad expression on her face, but not one that was near tears. Despite telling Tommy about Posey, and despite getting her picture back and having her sit in a beautiful frame, Rose could never come to terms with the death, but only accept it.

‘I never went out into the garden last time, I just got the frame and left.’ Rose said. Tommy looked down to Rose, then out to the grave, not knowing how to respond.

‘It wouldn’t have been right to see her then, I wasn’t … it just wasn’t the right time.’

Rose was referring to the company she had during that trip, and the events that followed after the discovery of Posey. Tommy felt saddened over it, but warmed that Rose wasn’t still upset over what had happened.

‘What about now?’ Tommy asked, and he held his breath when Rose turned her head to look at him. He saw the way her jaw clenched, she was preventing herself from tears, he could tell.

‘Will you come with me?’

Tommy brought his right hand up, and placed the knuckles against Rose’s cheek. The small gesture of intimacy was sweet, Rose felt that she already knew the answer through it alone.

‘Of course, Rose.’

Rose was the one to lead the way, back through the bedroom, down the stairs and to the kitchen door. Tommy followed obediently behind her, in the few moments between the window and the door to the garden he tried to prepare himself for Rose’s reaction. Once the door opened, Rose took a step out, but Tommy remained by the threshold, moving his eyes from the back of Rose’s head to the head stone at the far end of the garden.

Rose was almost distracted by her view of the head stone, she was just about to take a step forward when she remembered Tommy behind her, and quickly turned to him. Without a word, Rose brought her hand forward, not to beckon Tommy, but she placed her hand in his, and felt his strong hand enclose around hers.

Tommy felt breathless at the sight of Rose’s warm eyes, encouraging him to step forward. It was as if Rose was an angel set from heaven, taking him by gentle hands; her touch sent nerves shooting around his body and his feet moved before he could think of the action. Tommy looked down to where Rose’s hand touched his, the soft skin diverted his attentions from everything else, there would never be a touch just like it.

They stopped a few paces from the head stone, and Rose’s grip tightened on Tommy’s hand. He heard her swallow thickly, affronted with raw emotions for the first time in a long time. To ease Rose’s conscious, Tommy slipped his hand from hers, a movement he regretted, but made better by picking the closest flower to his person. He didn’t realise that the flowers had any significance until Rose found her breath.

‘Sweet peas.’ She spoke through whispers, longingly gazing over the bright flowers in Tommy’s hand. ‘White for gratitude, pink for happiness.’

Tommy gave Rose a smile as he placed the flowers in her hand, thinking he’d pick the rest of them and more if it made her happy. Rose’s returned smile was not as strong as his, but meant all the more to him. Tommy watched with pride and yearning as Rose lowered to place the flowers on the ground. The head stone was unmarked, but they both knew exactly who led underneath, and Tommy was honoured to be with Rose as she remembered her daughter. 

The memorial was short, when Rose stood from arranging the flowers she went back to Tommy’s side and thanked him. Tommy wasn’t entirely sure what he had done to deserve praise, but instead of denying it, he placed the faintest of kisses on the corner of her lips.

The tranquillity of the moment had gone, Rose had felt like she had been floating and was glad for Tommy to walk her back into the house. There wasn’t an urge to stay by Posey’s grave, the picture had consoled her so well in the meantime, and to know that there was work to be done, for obligations to be met, her sadness wasn’t strong enough to deter her from the responsibilities that lay in front of her.

Rose and Tommy met with Mr Simmons, the accountant, the day they had arrived. Rose thought that she might’ve needed more time to be in the house, to see her daughter’s head stone and spend time in silence in the garden, but laying the sweet peas was enough, having Tommy by her side was enough.

Rose was coherent to understand Mr Simmons’ suggestions, most of which were challenged by Tommy. Mr Simmons even suggested selling the house, mentioning the character of the building being of great value and would happily recommend realtors for Rose to contact, but Tommy spoke for Rose in saying no. He had seen her connection through the house in witnessing Rose mourn at her daughter’s head stone, and could understand emotional ties. He wasn’t going to entertain the idea of getting rid of the only happy memory of Rose’s past just because an accountant thought it was a good idea.

‘What about the land?’ Tommy asked, taking a drag of his cigarette. ‘Is it profitable?’

‘Yes, well that was one of my final suggestions.’ Mr Simmons said, wringing his hands together on the desk, the confident look on his face waned. ‘The land is for farming use, that’s its purpose, but farmers would want the house that went with it, it would be a more convenient deal to make, and less hassle for you, Rose.’

‘I thought I made it clear, Mr Simmons, that house stays in the family.’

Rose sat silent next to Tommy, relieved that she had made the right choice in bringing Tommy along with her. He had his business hat on, the tone he used was unmistakable and Rose felt like smirking because of it. She wondered that if she had been on her own, Mr Simmons would’ve found a way to convince her to do as he thought fit, her nerves heightened every time he had mentioned selling the house.

‘Even with the money that was left in the will, Rose,’ Mr Simmons turned his gaze from Tommy to Rose, thinking that she was the easier out of the two to sway, ‘you live too far away to make the arrangement amenable. Old houses lay forgotten about by deceased family members and-’

‘You better cut that out, Mr Simmons, I will not have you upsetting Rose here about your perceived notions.’

They had seemingly reached a stalemate, Tommy was holding an intense gaze to Mr Simmons, and in return, Mr Simmons was trying his best to challenge him. To cut the tension, Rose interjected.

‘What about renting the land? There would be a suitable income, and farmers don’t need to have the house.’ The tension broke, and it was Mr Simmons who looked away first.

‘A good idea, Rose, I think we should look at doing that, rather than what Mr Simmons suggested.’ Tommy knew he had won, and went ahead in filling in the details that Mr Simmons seemed loathe to write down. He too was glad of accompanying Rose on the trip, as he became highly suspicious of Mr Simmons as soon as they walked into the office. His doubts grew as the meeting carried on, and at the end Tommy demanded to see all of the files that Mr Simmons had out on his desk. Tommy thought it would end up in an argument, but Mr Simmons begrudgingly handed everything over, and then mentioned that he wanted them back the next day, as a last attempt to intimidate Tommy in his own way.

With their hands full of files and papers, Rose and Tommy left the accountants office with more work for themselves than when they walked in. It was reaching the late afternoon, and instead of heading back to the house, Rose suggested they go to the local pub. Tommy agreed, and they fell in step with one another and Rose led them through the village, knowing the pub like the back of her hand.

Once inside the pub, known as The Racing Mare, Rose and Tommy found themselves a corner so they could start pouring over the files. Rose took charge and went up to the bar to order drinks, she knew what Tommy would want without having to ask him first. The barmaid was someone Rose recognised, and offered her a smile when they caught eyes with one another.

‘Rose, dear, I didn’t know you were back to visit?’ The barmaid said, a joyful look on her face. Rose offered another smile in return, but for the life of her couldn’t think of the bar maid’s name.

‘Yes, sorting everything out, you know.’ Rose said, trying to be polite, also trying to word herself so she wouldn’t have to use the barmaid’s name.

‘Course love, the village isn’t the same with Edna, poor dear.’

Rose nodded out of courtesy, but didn’t know what to say back. She took the two glasses of rum that she’d ordered and turned to walk back to the table. Tommy was already starting through the first set of files, his eyes scanning so fast Rose didn’t even know if he was reading properly.

As she placed the drinks down and took her seat, Tommy tore his eyes away from the paper and went to reach into his pocket. Rose knew what he was doing before Tommy could open his hand, and she put her hand out to stop him.

‘No, Tommy, the drinks are my treat.’

Tommy had pulled a few coins out of his pocket, and even though Rose had said no, he still held them out for her to take. ‘Rose …’

‘Besides,’ Rose started, pretending not to see Tommy’s outstretched hand and piercing gaze, ‘I have money to buy as many drinks as I want now. Two glasses of rum aren’t going to break the bank.’

Tommy held his hand out a moment longer whilst he watched Rose pretend the money wasn’t in front of her, then put the coins back into his pocket. There wasn’t a point in arguing, not when she seemed so insistent. Silence lapsed between them both, with Rose interjecting to ask Tommy certain terminology that she didn’t understand.

All the while that Rose was looking over the papers, she was consistently reminded of the amount that her great aunt left her, the number kept catching her eye and the enormity of it was hard to shake. Rose tried not to let it dishearten her, she knew there was a great responsibility in having that much money, and in thought, she raised her eyes up to look over to Tommy.

‘Tommy,’ Rose started, and when Tommy lifted his head to meet her gaze, Rose forgot how she was going to word her sentence. Her shoulders fell as she sighed, looking back over the papers in front of her.

‘Rose, what’s the matter?’ Tommy asked. He wasn’t about to let Rose hide away with whatever troubled her, that wasn’t the point of him joining her on the trip.

‘I just don’t know what to do about the money situation.’ Rose said, putting her head in her hand. ‘There’s more than a person needs to live comfortably, and I feel strange about having so much.’

Tommy didn’t know what to say to Rose’s honesty, not exactly having the same mind set about money, so he watched as Rose thought things through in her mind. He didn’t want to tell her his opinions about the money, not wanting to taint her with the kind of activities he got up to.

‘What about giving it to charity? Other people could use the money better than I could. Something like an orphanage or a children’s hospital.’ Rose suggested, her face lightening at the idea. Tommy wasn’t so sure on the matter, Rose could tell from his eyes glancing away from hers, and she thought again.

‘Well, perhaps investing the money, I don’t know what for, what do you think, Tommy?’ Rose asked, eyebrows creased in worry of what Tommy thought.

Tommy took a sip of his drink to think over Rose’s words. Rose seemed so worried about it, as if the money was something she didn’t want to be associated with, but since she was asking for his advice, Tommy thought to give it plainly.

‘Don’t give it all away, Rose, not right now. Just sit on it for a while, I can help you with investments, but you’d have to think about it properly before you sign anything.’ Tommy said, and Rose nodded her head slowly, knowing that Tommy was right all along.

‘The time will come when you’ll know what to do with it, not many people your age get the luck of having that kind of money, I think your aunt Edna would want you to be wise with it, and perhaps think of yourself for once, not others.’

It was a hard notion to take, but Rose knew that Tommy had some points. Rose immediately thought about giving it to someone else, not thinking that there was any reason for her to keep it. Rose thought that she could do herself a favour and think about herself, using the money for her own advantage for once. Rose even thought that auntie Edna was thinking ahead as well, guessing that her parents would be upset about finding out about Posey, so she made sure Rose was looked over with the inheritance.

Rose’s mind continued to run through ideas about money for the rest of the evening, only taking a break to make dinner. Tommy had offered to help, but Rose had refused, saying that since she’d lived in the boarding house she hadn’t made herself a meal since, and admitted to Tommy that she missed the work of preparing food. Tommy backed off and left Rose to it, but brought the papers into the kitchen to sit and work. Just being in the same room as one another felt good, Tommy often spoke to Rose about what he was reading and how it affected her, and Rose was thankful that he was putting so much effort into helping her, it made sense that Rose pay him back by making him dinner.

There were no meetings to attend to the next day, so Rose tore Tommy away from the books to take him around the village. It became clear to Rose that Tommy hadn’t packed appropriately for the trip, he waited at the front door with smart shoes on, whereas she had turned up with her worn boots.

‘Do you have any walking shoes, Tommy?’ Rose asked, stifling a laugh as Tommy looked down at his feet, confused as to why he would need such shoes. Tommy hadn’t brought a spare pair of shoes with him, so he had to make do with the chuckles that Rose gave him as they left the house and started on their walk.

Rose took Tommy on her usual route, usual for her when she used to walk to school in the morning. It was through the woods, off the beaten track and Tommy realised why Rose had prepared with walking shoes. The ground was dry, it hadn’t rained for the past couple of days, but they were ruined by bits of dirt flying up and coating his trouser legs. Tommy didn’t complain, however, there wasn’t a chance to speak when Rose was talking constantly about the route, and the sorts of things she got up to when she went walking.

They reached a steep incline, Rose turned to ask if Tommy was alright with it, but once again, she was stifling a laugh. Tommy waved his finger in Rose’s face.

‘Don’t laugh at me, Miss Alexander, I’m fitter than I look.’ Before Rose could think of something to say back, Tommy had started ahead of her, storming ahead in pretend anger.

Rose caught up with Tommy, and started telling him about the view he was about to see from the top of the hill. The trees parted soon enough, and they ended up on the vast plateau, the sun shone down on the both of them and Tommy felt warmth cover his body.

‘Isn’t it beautiful?’ Rose asked Tommy, but there was no need for the question, as Tommy knew the feeling Rose was experiencing. The field of tall grass and flowers they were stood in swayed lightly in the breeze, there was no other sound than the wind rushed through the grass and the calls of birds above them.

‘Over that way is where the sun rises, I’ve spent many times coming up here and watching it, even when it’s been freezing outside.’ Rose started again, and Tommy looked from the landscape to Rose. The landscape was beautiful, but Rose warmed by the sun and looking peaceful was something that Tommy would never forget in a hurry.

‘Then there’s the village, it goes beyond the trees, I walked down the hill that way to get to school.’

Tommy looked to where Rose was pointing, then turned his head to look behind him. His eyes were immediately drawn to a country mansion, almost covering the landscape, and Rose turned to look as well.

‘Oh, that’s where I did my stable work.’ Rose said plainly. The mansion itself was enormous, but the tended grounds that surrounded it seemed to go on for miles.

‘It ruins the landscape a little, don’t you think?’

Tommy nodded his head slowly. Rose had a point, but there’s was no denying how impressive the place was. ‘It’s not in keeping with the village, that’s for sure.’

Rose and Tommy carried on walking down the hill, and through the village again. It seemed that Rose always had something to say about every building when they passed it. Tommy was impressed that Rose knew so much, that she had remembered things from even when she was a child, and the way she spoke made his heart feel fuller. Tommy had never seen Rose so animated, so keen to talk that she stumbled over her words and interjected herself during one story to mention another story. Tommy could understand why the village and house meant so much to her, the majority of the story’s she told were happy and delightful, he felt bad that within just a few days they’d have to go back to Small Heath and carry on with their normal lives.

When they ate dinner together that night, Rose had worn herself out with talking all day so much that they sat in silence. The walk had them hungry for food, Tommy never knew that Rose could cook so well and was thankful for it.

Unbeknownst to Rose, Tommy took many glances of her over dinner. He saw that her cheeks were flushed, the oven created a lot of heat in the kitchen, her cheeks were evident of that, and even though she wasn’t speaking, she looked so much healthier. Tommy hadn’t noticed it before, but he saw the change in colour to Rose’s face, not just from the warmth of the room, but because she was in a good place, a place that had memories and meaning to her, Tommy was sure that the trip, although it started with sadness, was doing her so much good. Rose had dealt with her parents throwing her out with grace, like the mature, young woman Tommy knew her to be, but at the house, in the village in which she loved, that was where Rose was truly coming alive. Tommy had seen another side to Rose, one that he thoroughly enjoyed, but became disheartened when he realised that they would be leaving the village soon, and Rose would go back to how she was.

After dinner, they took tea in the living room, with Rose sitting in her old armchair, like she used to do when auntie Edna was alive. She noticed that Tommy was hesitating in sitting in auntie Edna’s chair, it being the only other one in the room. He looked to Rose for reassurance, and Rose nodded, telling Tommy that it was alright. When Tommy sat, Rose didn’t feel strange that it wasn’t auntie Edna sat there, it was just something different.

As they sat in the quiet of the living room, the small fire crackling in front of them, Rose thought that it was almost amusing, thinking back to how she spent her evenings in front of the fire with auntie Edna drinking tea, but that was before Rose went to Small Heath. The simplicity of it had Rose yearning for the feeling, knowing that she wasn’t going to find it when they went back, and that was a shame.

Tommy felt like an old man, sat in an armchair and drinking tea. There wasn’t any chance of taking time for himself to just sit in silence, always spending time in the office working late or going to the Garrison to drink with his brothers. Tommy felt like he wasn’t being useful, his hands needed to be working and his mind needed to be productive. In the moments of silence, Tommy let himself indulge dangerously, thinking that he could get used to sitting with Rose in the evenings, just enjoying each other’s company. It was a dangerous thought, knowing that it may not come to fruition, and it was a stark reminder to why Tommy never let his brain stop during the day, as daydreaming was risky.

Both Rose and Tommy finished their tea, and the time came to go to bed. Like the previous night, they washed up the plates and cups in the kitchen, leaving them to dry overnight, then they walked up the stairs together. The previous night was easy, Rose was tired and couldn’t wait to go to sleep, so left Tommy with a simple goodnight and as soon as her head hit her pillow, she was gone.

However, that night was different. Tommy had continued his dangerous thoughts about life with Rose, even them washing up together made it worse, the domesticity of it was screaming at him in the face. He wanted to tell Rose what he thought, to make little comments about how they were acting like they were living together, but not living together as friends, but as husband and wife. The comments never left Tommy’s mouth, but they returned when they both reached the landing.

Rose was feeling tired from the day, the walk had worn her out, but knowing that Tommy was going into the other bedroom made her feel a certain way. The night before, Tommy had kissed Rose on her hand as they said goodnight to one another, and it came as a surprise. She didn’t have much time to think about it, however, as she had fallen asleep quickly, but since she thought that Tommy might do it again, Rose waited with trepidation as she stepped to her door.

Tommy followed her, the landing light cast a long shadow over Rose, and Tommy knew that she was waiting for him. There was no doubt in Tommy’s mind that he was going to see Rose to her room, but the kiss he left on the back of her hand wasn’t enough.

Rose felt Tommy’s hot lips on her skin, her own lips parted with trailing breath as it left her feeling wanting more.

‘Goodnight, Rose.’

Rose wanted to close in on Tommy, to stop him from talking with a kiss, but she never gained the confidence to do it. It was strange, since they had kissed many times before, but Rose didn’t know the boundaries between them at the house. Instead of going with her heart, Rose said goodnight in return, and turned to go into her room.

After closing the door behind her, Rose couldn’t move from standing by the door. She brought her hand up, the one Tommy had kissed, and held it in front of her. Rose wanted more than just a chaste kiss on the hand. She knew that Tommy was being thoughtful, not breaking any barriers due to where they were staying and the nature of the visit, but Rose could only think that the barriers had been broken before, and she just wanted more.

Before Rose could move away and get ready for bed, the sound of knocking came from behind her. Only inches from the door, Rose opened it almost immediately, trying to think of what Tommy needed after just leaving for what felt like a few seconds. Only a moment passed when Rose opened the door, Tommy and Rose locked eyes with one another, but Tommy leant in and closed the gap between them, his lips landing on hers.

Tommy had stayed in his room for only a minute, knowing that it wasn’t right to leave Rose. The growing heat inside his body was too much to bare, he had to go back and see to Rose how he thought was best. When he laid eyes on her, her own eyes looking soft and tired, he delved in, tasting her once more. His lips were almost desperate, thinking that there was no need for breath when Rose felt so good. His arms went around Rose’s body, not only finding her waist to hold her close, but Tommy went further, moving a hand lower than Rose’s waist. As Tommy pulled Rose closer, she moaned heavenly into Tommy’s mouth, it made his growl with pleasure in return.

Tommy’s kisses moved down Rose’s jaw, savouring every inch of skin as he worked his way down to her warm neck. Rose’s eyes fluttered, Tommy’s lips made goose bumps rise all over her body. As a way to return the favour, Rose brought her fingers to the back of Tommy’s neck, and began to stroke gently. She knew it was a soft spot for Tommy, her efforts were rewarded with a groan, one that vibrated on Rose’s neck.

Both Rose and Tommy were almost desperate for one another. The kissing was intense, their bodies were pressed so tightly against each other, Rose didn’t miss how Tommy felt hard against her, but he didn’t do anything to initiate more from her. Tommy was being thoughtful over his actions with Rose, he was feeling like he was going to explode, but didn’t want to put Rose in such a position.

They parted, with so much more to say to one another, with so much more they wanted to do to one another, the tension was too much to bare.

\-----

Neither Rose nor Tommy got a decent sleep that night. It took both of them strength to not leap from their beds and be together, neither of them having the courage. When sleep did eventually come, it wasn’t easy, and Rose woke with a headache the next morning.

What came as a surprise for both of them was that the morning wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t as if Rose was embarrassed for moaning in front of Tommy, or Tommy was embarrassed because he had lost some self-control and knew that he was hard and Rose felt it. There was no embarrassment, only longing, but they couldn’t find the words to let it known.

They spent the day working, much more peaceful than the previous, and they went back to Mr Simmons’s office to talk through the accounts. Due to the pressure Tommy was feeling, all from the frustration of leaving Rose the previous night, he was ruthless in the meeting, not backing down on anything Mr Simmons would suggest, and tempers were rising. Rose, on the other hand, felt like she couldn’t concentrate on a thing, shivers went through her body when she thought about the night before.

The day carried on as normally as possible, but there was a tension between Rose and Tommy, like they were scared to say something out of line. Rose made dinner like she had the two previous nights, thankful for the practical distraction, but Tommy was in the kitchen again, still with papers to read, and she felt like there was no chance of relaxing with Tommy just behind her. Dinner was eaten in silence, the sounds of cutlery hitting the plates was all that sounded out. Rose felt like her brain was going to burst, it felt so ridiculous to not be speaking to Tommy, like they hadn’t had a great day beforehand, or shared a wild kiss the night before. When they both finished dinner, Rose dared eye contact, and Tommy smiled softly at Rose.

‘I’ll help you wash up, Rose.’ Tommy said, trying to break the tension. Rose appreciated it, but couldn’t think of anything smart to say in return. She stood up and took the plates to the sink, facing away from Tommy. Without a word, Tommy went to stand next to Rose, taking the dish cloth from where it hung on a drawer handle and began to dry what Rose passed to him.

Like dinner, it was a silent affair, but when Rose looked to her right to pass a plate to Tommy, a smile appeared on her lips. It was amusing to see Tommy Shelby, gangster and ruthless business man, dry a plate with a pink dish cloth. Rose thought of a remark, she didn’t have anything to lose by saying it.

‘This isn’t man’s work, Tommy.’ Rose said. Tommy didn’t cotton on at first, but when he realised what Rose had said, he smiled and relaxed.

‘Like yard work isn’t women’s work.’ Tommy said back, referencing the first time they had spoken to one another. To think back when Rose used to work at the yard, it felt like years had passed, but Tommy didn’t have time to think back.

At the sound of Rose calming around him, the tension lowering with the amusing comment, Tommy couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. They had just gotten back on talking terms, but Tommy wanted more. As Rose passed him the final item to dry, she turned and waited for Tommy to be finished with the cloth so she could dry her own hands. Tommy’s eyes bore into hers, all the while, his hands worked in drying the plate. Rose stared up at Tommy, her wet hands held out in front of her, but she felt like she couldn’t move a muscle.

When Tommy put down the plate, he reached forward with the cloth still in hand and took Rose’s hands. He took care in drying Rose’s hands, but there was no chance in tearing his gaze away from Rose’s, not when she was looking at him so intensely. The stare remained as Tommy put the cloth down, and his hands went to hold Rose’s. A long breath left Tommy’s nose, one out of slight frustration, but Tommy thought to not break any more boundaries, even though he was on the edge himself.

Tommy took both of Rose’s hand into his left and held them down, with his right hand he cupped Rose’s cheek. He swore he saw Rose’s body start to fall, her eyes glossed over slightly, and Tommy moved forward, capturing what Rose was feeling on his lips. Rose had no chance to play her trick of stroking Tommy’s weak spot, not with her hands caught in Tommy’s grasp, so she had nothing to do but clench her thighs tightly and let her eyes roll back in her head.

The kiss Tommy left on Rose’s lips was short, it was as if he barely touched her, and he could feel a growl form in his throat from how it made him feel. However, despite his growing feelings, more obvious in places than others, Tommy relented in acting like he did the previous night. His tactic was to leave it all for Rose to decide, it had to be down to her if she wanted to carry on with Tommy. He was reluctant to move away, to lose the feeling of her lips on his, but Tommy did so.

Rose couldn’t remember how, but she made it up the stairs with Tommy in tow. It was time for bed, perhaps a little earlier than the day before, but it was clear that they were heading to their separate rooms. Tommy stayed true to his intentions, and although it pained him to say it, he knew he had to leave Rose on the landing, and expected for it to be over for the night when he said his goodnight’s.

‘No.’ Rose said. She had spoken before thinking, but once it had been said, Rose knew she hadn’t made a mistake. She held her hand out to Tommy, grabbing his shirt sleeve almost erratically, and Tommy stopped at the feeling, his feet seemed stuck to the floor.

Rose’s grip lightened, she trailed her hand from the fabric of Tommy’s sleeve down to his hand, she felt how warm his skin was and intertwined her fingers with his own.

‘Tommy …’ Rose whispered, but nothing more needed to be said when she became to pull lightly on Tommy’s hand, bringing him closer. Rose backed up, knowing where she was going without looking, and with her free hand, she turned the handle to her bedroom door. All the while, Tommy kept fierce eye contact with Rose, neither of them letting up for a moment, but it wasn’t as if they were in competition with one another. They were conveying messages without speaking, knowing what was going to happen when they went through the door.

Tommy shut Rose’s bedroom door quietly behind him, and he felt Rose’s hand slip from his own as she walked over to turn on her bedside lamp. A warm glow filled the room, the yellow light now illuminating their bodies, and they didn’t remain parted from contact for much longer. They only needed to take a step to become close, and any reservations that were once held were gone, as they crashed into one another, arms encircling each other’s bodies like they were holding on for dear life.

Tommy didn’t hold back in his frenzied kisses, like the night before, he trailed his lips from Rose’s mouth, to reach along her jawline, then down to the flushed skin of her neck. Rose almost melted at the feeling, but instead of trying to make Tommy feel the same and using her usual trick of stroking his weak spot, she brought her hands to Tommy’s chest and began to undo the buttons on his waistcoat. Rose’s fingers fumbled as Tommy’s nipped against her skin, and she couldn’t ignore the feeling of Tommy moving lower, reaching her collarbone after pulling her shirt away slightly.

Like desperate teenagers, the hastily removed their clothes from their bodies, but returned their lips to one another at any moment they could find. Tommy made them slow when it came to Rose’s underwear, he had been waiting for the moment a long time. He took Rose’s hands in his own before she could go any further, and Tommy brought her body close once again, this time so he could reach around and untie the ribbons. It slipped off slowly, Tommy was watching carefully to see if Rose was hesitant in showing so much of herself, but that wasn’t the case. Rose’s chest was exposed, darkened by the shadow on the lamplight, but Tommy could feel her against his own body, her skin rising and falling, her breasts brushing against him. Next was the silk that covered the lower part of her body, Tommy brought his hands to Rose’s waist, the immediate contact made her jump slightly, but she closed her eyes and focused on the rough pads of Tommy’s fingers. They slid down, hooking into the waistband and pushing the fabric down even more, the slight chill in the air made goose bumps rise.

As the silk fabric floated to the floor, Tommy brought Rose closer, no space was left between their bodies. One hand remained on Rose’s waist, the span of it holding Rose close, but the other reached lower. Tommy’s lips remained close to Rose’s neck, lightly sucking at the skin, but he was concentrating on guiding his hand. As he reached between the tops of Rose’s thighs, she cried into his body, and Tommy felt like he couldn’t wait any longer.

Within a few seconds, Tommy had led Rose back, the bed coming into contact with the back of her legs and she sat down, like she had no control of her body anyone. There was no time to regather her thoughts, as Tommy climbed on the bed after Rose. With Tommy’s body resting gently on Rose’s, they finally looked at one another, the first time since Rose had led them into the bedroom. Rose saw that Tommy’s eyes looked their striking blue, but the colour seemed clearer than ever before. She didn’t know if it was the light beside them, or because she wasn’t thinking clearly, but they were piercing into hers and she felt weak at the sight of them.

With Rose’s body burning underneath his, Tommy felt dizzy with the feeling of lust. His hard cock lay heavy between their bodies, there was nothing that could be done to hide it, but Tommy had a feeling that they were passed such shyness. It was everything that Tommy had wanted, what he had been dreaming about, but he tried to remain level-headed as he took his cock into his hand, nudging Rose’s legs to part for him. He took a moment for himself when he looked down, to see himself guide into Rose, to feel her around him finally.

‘No, please.’ Rose whispered frantically. She had come to her sense when she felt the tip of Tommy’s cock touch her core, it had pulled her out of a trance. Tommy pulled away at Rose’s insistence, and looked up, blue eyes wilder than ever.

‘I’ll do other stuff, but … I can’t …’ Rose tried to explain, but she felt like she had ruined the moment, and couldn’t forget the slight disappointed look on Tommy’s face.

‘I’m sorry, Rose, I should’ve-’

‘No, I’m sorry, I just … can’t …’

Tommy could see that Rose was getting frustrated with herself, that the heightened feeling between them was making tears form in her eyes, so Tommy leant his head forward and shushed her quietly. It calmed her, Tommy rubbed smooth circles on her parted thighs to stop her from being so frantic, and he felt Rose’s chest rising and falling much slower because of it.

‘I know, Rose.’ Tommy’s voice was rough, the vibrations of it could be felt by Rose. ‘I want to make you feel good, though, will you let me?’

Tommy lifted his head to see that Rose’s cheeks were flushed red, but not from embarrassment. She muttered a small, ‘please,’ and that left Tommy with all the encouragement he needed. He trailed his lips down Rose’s body, tasting her skin and trying to savour the feeling.

Tommy tended to Rose, nipping, biting, sucking and kissing, making her writhe beneath his body. He kissed her core sweetly, and then Tommy was brought back to a lingering thought. The engagement ring was still in his desk at work, not thinking there was any reason to take it with him, and Tommy felt like he jolted with the memory of it. With his mouth still on Rose’s core, he looked the length of Rose’s body, seeing her chest rise and fall rapidly, her head thrown back on the pillow with her hair splayed around her, and her lips parted with pleasure. Tommy thought he could do it, the haze of the moment seemed like a better situation than any.

‘Tommy, please …’ Rose moaned, and she lifted her head to see Tommy looking up. At Rose’s insistence, Tommy returned his attentions to her, no longer thinking about a proposal. It maddened him for a short moment, he had just been given the chance, to have the confidence to ask her, but it slipped from him.

\-----

The short visit to the house in the country seemed like worlds away, and Tommy often thought back to the days spent there. Those moments would happen when Tommy would be up working late in his office, and more often than not, his eyes would trail down to the desk in his drawer and he’d feel annoyed. Tommy felt like he had a chance, and had convinced himself that Rose would’ve said yes; that was what made it harder to deal with. He hadn’t had a moment like that with Rose since they had returned to Small Heath.

Over a month had passed, and Tommy felt like Rose had gone back to normal, like their time together that final night never happened. It hadn’t been brought up since, Tommy couldn’t find the right words to start talking about it, and Rose felt shy at mentioning it. It frustrated Tommy even more, he thought there shouldn’t be any more between him and Rose to keep them apart, and to keep them from moving on in their relationship.

That weekend, Tommy worked more than usual, and it was down to one reason. Since coming back to Small Heath, Tommy knew that Rose would be waiting for the next available few days to go back up there, as she had begun to talk about the house in greater detail knowing that it was finally hers. Tommy couldn’t forget the smile on Rose’s face when she told him that she could take a weekend a month to go up to the house to look after it. That weekend was the second time Rose had gone away, and Tommy was missing her terribly.

Since that night Tommy had spent with Rose in the bedroom, he hadn’t gone to Lizzie once. It wasn’t out of pride, more so the feeling that Tommy would feel guilty if he went to another woman. However, the time that Rose was away made Tommy yearn for Rose, and he had to make do with touching himself late at night, but that always came as a last resort.

It was the middle of summer, Tommy was busy with the racing events that took place, the company was busier than ever, but there still seemed to be something missing, and Tommy was sure that it had something to do with the ring that was in his desk drawer. Polly hadn’t mentioned it since he came back from the weekend away, although she seemed to take a great interest in what happened to him. Tommy didn’t think that he had been acting any different, but he did notice his temper shortening on the weekends Rose went away. If Polly had made the connection, she hadn’t mentioned it to him yet, and Tommy didn’t know if he wanted her to berate him for not moving things on with Rose, or to keep her thoughts to himself.

Tommy decided to make a pact for himself, a way to get the ring out of his drawer once and for all. He promised himself that by the end of the summer, it could no longer stay there, and he had to make an effort to place it on Rose’s finger. To think that he had a time limit with the ring seemed good in Tommy’s mind, and he felt encouraged and almost excited at the prospect of proposing to Rose.


	11. Part Two | Ghost from the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

The transition from returning from the country back to the city would never feel normal for Rose. Her suitcase was open on her bed, and she was methodically working through the clothes inside, choosing which ones needed washing and which could go back into her wardrobe. It was the part of coming back that Rose hated the most, the change of pace wasn’t her favourite.

It felt almost normal to be in the boarding house, no longer remembering what it was like to wake up in her old room. As well as that, it almost felt normal in not seeing her parents anymore, not having meals with them, not even sharing a conversation with them. It did, however, leave her thinking that there wasn’t anyone left in Small Heath that was her friend who wasn’t associated with the Shelby’s. There weren’t her parents to live with, Grace was no longer around to work with, Ada had moved to London with Freddie, Rose felt like there was no one.

There was only one person Rose could think of who was left, but she hadn’t seen Ms Harding since Christmas, and she didn’t know where the land lay in their friendship. The only reason Rose became friends with Ms Harding in the first place was because she was an old client of her father’s, it wasn’t as if she was a family friend or distant relative. To feel like she wasn’t alone in Small Heath, Rose built up the courage to go and see her, but she wasn’t naïve; Rose prepared for Ms Harding to slam the door in her face.

Rose would’ve rather gone the back way, out of the sights of anyone in Watery Lane, but she thought that would’ve been impertinent. If Rose was going to be turned away, it would have to be on the street where people could see her.

As Rose made her way through Watery Lane, her eyes drifted over to the other side of the street, knowing that the Shelby residence was just there. She wouldn’t want any of the Shelby’s to come out and see her be turned away, it would’ve been embarrassing, and she didn’t want them to have a reason to turn on Ms Harding because of it.

Rose knocked on the door and waited, leaning in slightly to hear Ms Harding approaching. Rose’s heart paced quickly, and she took a deep breath, then completely forgot what she was going to say when the door opened. Rose didn’t have a chance to think through something on the spot, not when the door opened.

Ms Harding’s body appeared from behind the door, and whatever expression she had before the door was opened didn’t compare to how she looked when she laid eyes on Rose. Rose’s expression lightened, hating that Ms Harding would look at her in such a way, but she thought it was a good thing that the door hadn’t been slammed in her face yet.

‘Hello, Ms Harding.’ Rose said, her voice came out softer than she expected, she didn’t want to anger Ms Harding any further than she already was.

‘What is it you want?’ Ms Harding asked, with grit to her voice. Rose’s hands were clenched tight, but she knew that it was silly to be so worried.

‘I was wondering, hoping, that we could talk.’ Rose said, and she was diligent at seeing any change in expression on Ms Harding’s face. The only thing that Ms Harding was doing, however, was blinking slowly every now and then, but in a pointed way, like she couldn’t believe Rose was at her doorstep wanting to talk.

‘And what is it you have to say to me?'

Rose was reminded that she had just forgotten what she was going to say, but had to come up with something. ‘I just … needed to talk to someone, someone familiar, and I thought of you.’ There was no hiding the timidness in Rose’s voice, but it wasn’t something Ms Harding cared for in that moment.

Ms Harding shuffled a little, as if blocking the doorway some more, then eyed Rose up and down slowly. Rose felt uncomfortable under her gaze, not knowing the reason for her frostiness. The fact that her back was to the street was starting to annoy Rose, she’d rather just walk into the house and be rejected inside; Rose didn’t know how many people were walking behind on the path and looking her way.

‘I had your parents tell me that you no longer lived at home, that they kicked you out.’ Ms Harding said, and Rose felt her heart drop. There was a clear reason to why Ms Harding was holding the door just open, not letting her in. Not wanting to hear any more of Ms Harding’s’ opinions about the rift she went through with her parents, Rose sighed and went to turn away.

‘It’s because of those Blinder’s, isn’t it?’ Ms Harding suggested, but there was no doubt in her mind that they were the reason for the parting of the family. Rose’s feet stopped, and she turned her head back to look at Ms Harding. It became clear then that her parents hadn’t told people about the true reason of their rift, and that her secret was still safe. It was a blessing and a curse, people didn’t know about the hardest time in her life, one that would probably cause her shame from others, but that also meant that her parents must’ve been too humiliated to tell the truth, that the truth was just brushed over with nonsense they came up with.

‘What … is that what they said?’ Rose asked. The way Ms Harding had suggested that Tommy and his family might’ve been the problem didn’t sound like fact, but as if Ms Harding was filling in the blanks her parents refused to confirm.

‘They didn’t have to say anything, it’s clear that they’re the problem. And you’ve decided to be with them instead of your parents.’

‘I haven’t decided any of it.’ Rose started, feeling her temper rise with every word Ms Harding said. It wasn’t fair that people were thinking such things behind her back, and all about her being inconsiderate for her family. Rose didn’t double-cross anyone, she had saved her parents from possible death from the Shelby’s when they decided to dig their own grave, and all she got in return was dirty whispers behind her back about her behaviour.

‘They decided it for me, I didn’t want … I don’t see how …’ Rose sighed, frustrated at not finding her words. ‘I haven’t done anything wrong, Ms Harding, please believe me.’

‘You used to be such a good girl, Rose,’ Ms Harding said, opening the door wider and stepping forward. Rose didn’t take kindly to how Ms Harding started, she knew the compliment was about to come undone.

‘But ever since you got friendly with Thomas, and the cheek of you to bring him to my house,’ Ms Harding scoffed and shook her head, like she was disgusted with herself. ‘I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again, Rose, he’s not a good man, and he has you in a trap. It would be best if you left him and went back to your parents to beg for their forgiveness.’

‘I don’t need anyone’s forgiveness, they were the ones who threw me out.’

‘Only because they saw what was good for the family name and knew you weren’t a part of that. You’re tainting their reputation by being close to Thomas, it’s selfish of you!’

Rose bristled with irritation, she wanted to shout at Ms Harding and tell her that her family would be nothing without her, in fact, they would be cut up into pieces and thrown into the cut if it wasn’t for her relationship with Tommy. All of that, however, would’ve accounted for nothing, since Ms Harding wasn’t in the mood to hear Rose’s side of the story.

‘I’m sorry Rose, but you’ve done this to yourself, and I can’t admit that I’d be happy to let you into my house, not with the trouble you might bring.’ And with that, Ms Harding stepped back and closed the door.

Rose still felt like she had a million things to say, and would even go as far as admitting some of the truth, but there wasn’t a chance to do so. Her worries beforehand had become a reality, and with a sullen expression and drooped shoulders, Rose walked away from Ms Harding’s house and back to the boarding house.

It was then more than any other time before that Rose wished she was back in the country, where no one knew what associations she had with the people in Small Heath, where her parents weren’t spreading lies about the reason why they no longer wanted anything to do with her, where she could pretend that her life wasn’t complicated and confusing. Rose knew that if she asked, Tommy would let her go up for another weekend away, even though they had decided on a trip once a month. She had only been home for a few days, but in that moment, she desperately wanted to go back.

The fear that Rose once felt about going back to the house was completely gone, if anything, she would’ve rather had her life in that house, with the people she knew in Small Heath accompanying her there. Rose didn’t know that the feeling was pure nostalgia, no longer tainted with bad memories, and whenever she was apart from the feeling, she yearned for it more. It always felt so good to go back, Rose hoped that the feeling would never wear off, but that also meant she was reminded of the stark contrast between life in the country and life in the city. Rose wanted to believe that she could make it work, but with her family no longer talking to her, Rose felt like there wasn’t much left.

The only thing that tied Rose to Small Heath, albeit the reason why Ms Harding wouldn’t talk to her anymore, was her relationship with Tommy. Before they went to the house together, before her great aunt had died, things had moved slowly between them, and then seemed to accelerate beyond their control. However, just as it all came together, it seemed to stagnate. After the trip away to the house, neither Rose nor Tommy were closer to confirming what their relationship was.

Rose often thought back to the night she and Tommy shared at the house, and was reminded of it every time she slept in the bed, but she couldn’t figure out what was to happen next. Tommy was a hard man to read, and an even harder man to get coherent words out of, and he hadn’t done or said anything to signify to Rose that more was to happen between them. When they came back from their time away, it was as if nothing had happened. They still touched and kissed one another, Tommy didn’t go to her often during his lunch breaks, but made an effort to see her once a week in the Garrison. It bothered Rose, but not to a point that made her want to say something to him. Tommy still talked to her like normal, and kissed her with passion, but Rose couldn’t help but feel there was definitely more to be said between them.

Since Peter, Rose never felt that she needed a husband. Her parents never talked about them expecting her to find a husband, marry and have children, but Rose suspected that to be down to their disinterest in her, not because they were lenient with her. Peter was the one she thought she could marry, but any feelings of love to anyone left when Posey died. It was only two months later that Rose found out Peter was M.I.A, and from then on, Rose was never concerned about finding a husband.

The thought of marriage only came back into Rose’s mind when Tommy was around, and she thought that they were getting serious enough to warrant thinking about marriage. However, nothing was ever said by Tommy, and Rose couldn’t help but think of what Tommy did for a living. He never told her more than she needed to know, thinking it wise to keep Rose not knowing enough to incriminate her, but with that, Rose felt like she didn’t know Tommy fully. She felt there needed to be a reservation with what he did, no matter how good a deed might seem, there was also the other side of the coin where Tommy could be doing terrible things.

The fact that Tommy had the gang and it being his flaw made Rose think about the other love in her life. Rose knew it wasn’t the same, nor would’ve it been fair to compare Tommy to Peter, but she had nothing else to compare love to. The love she had with Peter was bittersweet, they were so young and they felt they had so much life to live, even staying positive for the time after the war, but that wasn’t meant to be. The love she shared with Peter wasn’t the same love Rose felt for Tommy, she and Tommy had been through things as adults, but Tommy had never really made a true move on her, not a mature gesture of love. All Rose wanted was for Tommy to say the word love. They had shared trust, they had shared patience, but true love hadn’t come into it yet.

Tommy was good at expressing a certain type of love, he always kissed her sweetly, and sometime passionately, he made sure she was safe in her flat, making sure she had everything she needed to be comfortable, but Rose wanted to hear the words.

Peter had whispered to Rose that he loved her when they had sex, but Rose couldn’t be sure if it was true at the time, or if he was caught up in the moment. Rose regretted not saying the words herself when she and Tommy were together, she had convinced herself that he would’ve said them back, even caught up in the intimate moment.

\-----

Soon enough, Rose was back at her great aunt’s house. Even though the house was in her name, she had the papers to prove it, Rose still took to calling it her great aunt’s, purely out of habit. The house always seemed to be needing a spruce up every time Rose went to visit, and she’d always spend the first day sweeping and opening all the windows to let the breeze through the house. Even though the September air was a shade colder than how hot the August had been, the air still had a warmth to it, and Rose was glad she could spend such days in the comfort of her great aunt’s house.

When Rose moved around the house, she no longer felt the need to always look out of the window to see into the garden, just to catch a glimpse of the small headstone. It was as if there was no desperation to have her in her mind, since Rose didn’t feel like Posey was out of her mind at all times. She felt comfortable with herself, and how she felt in the house, which only made the trips more enjoyable.

As if comparing her life from Small Heath wasn’t enough, Rose couldn’t help but enjoy the walk into the village, walking through the woods and fields rather than walking through sooty city streets. Everything always seemed so peaceful, like a familiar dream.

Rose knew the route to the grocers, and she allowed herself to daydream as she walked. When she entered the village, her knowing the route had her walking without thinking, like her legs were doing all the work, passed the post office and around the corner like usual, but when she looked up from her feet to see ahead, she felt herself stop suddenly, jarred by what she saw in front of her eyes.

It felt like time had stopped still, like Rose was hidden away in the corner and she was watching the scene unfold in front of her. He had his back turned to Rose, and he was surrounded by his parents and a few others, but even from the back, Rose could recognise who it was.

‘Rose!’

Rose didn’t know how long she had been standing and staring, and at the sound of her name, she was thrown out of her thoughts. She had unconsciously put a hand out to the wall beside her to hold herself up, and it was a good job that she did, because when the man who had previously been facing away turned around and showed his face, Rose thought she was close to fainting.

Everyone had turned to see Rose, and they couldn’t understand why she wasn’t responding to her name being called out. Rose watched as the man spoke quickly to the people around him, then tore away from the group. He was walking her way, Rose could only watch in silence and with a breath held in her chest. She felt like her chest was going to explode, she swore it was a ghost approaching her. The man’s head blocked the sun in Rose’s eye line, she couldn’t remember him being that tall the last time she had seen him.

‘Rose?’ He said gently.

‘Peter?’

Rose had found her breath and voice, and her shoulders shuddered. The basket she was holding dropped to the ground, and Rose burst into tears. To calm her, Peter reached forward and brought Rose into him, holding her tight.

Rose felt like she couldn’t think straight, there wasn’t a chance to gain a coherent thought. She didn’t care that Peter’s parents were just across from them, probably wondering why she was so emotional over the reappearance of their son, but she was glad that Peter had the same reaction as her. Rose sobbed into Peter’s shirt, and she gripped onto him like her life depended on it. She smelt him, touched him, but in the moment of pure relief and elation, Rose couldn’t realise that something felt different about him.

Rose’s grip didn’t relent on Peter’s shirt, but soon enough she gathered herself and looked up. To see that Peter was staring down at her felt unbelievable.

‘It’s alright, Rose.’

Rose wasn’t sure if everything was alright, but she didn’t have the voice to question Peter. She felt him run a hand up and down her arm for comfort, and she took a moment to calm herself, breathing out slowly.

‘Shall we go for a walk? I think we have things to say to one another.’

Rose nodded and wiped the tears away from her cheeks. The sun blinded her once more when Peter started walking away, she watched as he went up to his parents. It was so bizarre to see him, just walking away from her, not as a memory, not as an apparition of some sorts, but as a real man, not a boy any more.

Rose had never thought of the possibility of Peter being alive, she had been told that M.I.A almost guaranteed death, but there he was, alive, talking to his parents in the spot where Rose had last spoken to him over five years prior. That thought made bile rise in Rose’s throat, but she cursed herself for getting so worked up, so emotionally fraught, and took long, soothing breaths to calm herself once again.

They walked together, Rose felt like she was having an out of body experience, and Peter never said anything when she would put a hand out to touch his arm or grip onto his shirt. Rose was subconsciously checking that Peter was still there, Peter had been given the same treatment by his parents as well, they often reached a hand out to him to see if he was really in front of them. The walk itself was non-descript, from the outside, it was just two young people walking next to each other, through the countryside, but in reality, Rose felt wary. The person beside her could disappear at any moment, Rose almost convinced herself that it wasn’t him, but an imposter. Her mind was wild with conflicting thoughts, and the sooner she got an explanation out of Peter, the better.

‘I suppose I should start at the beginning.’ Peter said. They had reached a wooden stile, an entrance to one of the various fields dotted around the village, but the intention wasn’t to climb over it. Peter took a seat on the wooden plank and leant his arms on his knees. If Rose hadn’t been so tense in that moment, she would’ve realised how calm Peter was.

‘I was told M.I.A meant dead.’ Rose blurted out. She couldn’t help herself, even though Peter was right in front of her, the absurdness of the situation was plaguing her thoughts.

‘I know, and in the majority of cases, it does.’

Rose watched Peter’s mouth move as he spoke, then looked over his face. The sun had blinded her beforehand, but in the shade of the tree, Rose managed to get a proper look at his face. The first noticeable thing was the facial hair Peter had. Rose remembered that Peter was clean shaven when he was younger, something she had taken to teasing him about. The small beard made him look older, much older, that’s why Rose had such an odd feeling from him.

‘I haven’t even told mum and dad what happened, not in full detail. It’s hard, you know.’

Peter looked up to Rose, and she felt her head slightly recoil. His eyes bore into hers, like seeing right into her mind. Rose had to tell herself that they were the eyes of Peter, the person she once knew like the back of her hand, and not of some stranger.

‘Please don’t look at me like that, that’s the face they all make.’ Peter said. Rose blinked hard and looked away, out into the fields rather than Peter’s eyes.

‘Sorry.’ Rose sighed, then looked down at her feet. ‘This is crazy, Peter. Like … I look to my right, and you’re there, after all this time.’

‘I know. Mum threw a plate against the wall when I came home, she went nuts.’

‘With good reason.’

Peter nodded at Rose’s comment, knowing she was right.

‘It’s just … how do you act around someone you were convinced of never seeing again?’ Rose asked, her eyebrows raised in confusion.

Peter shrugged his shoulders. ‘I don’t know. Perhaps … tell me what’s happened since you were convinced I was gone. It’s been so long, Rose, we both need to catch up.’

Rose moved to sit next to Peter on the plank of wood, her body grazing upon his lightly, but it wasn’t such a strange feeling anymore. As she settled herself, the feeling of his body next to hers brought a familiarity, it was stirring back memories from all that time ago, and it wasn’t such a task to turn her head and look at him anymore. The face that she thought was alien was no longer, and the ease of Peter’s demeanour, although changed in some aspects, was recognisable.

‘Auntie Edna died.’ Rose started. It wasn’t in the order like Peter had asked, but it was possibly the biggest event to occur in Rose’s life. Rose’s life in the village, that was.

‘Yeah, dad said she had, and not long ago either. I’m so sorry, Rose, I know what she meant to you.’

‘Hmmm. She left the house to me, so I come up here and stay for a weekend now and again. It’s not the same, but it’s enough.’

‘I’m glad.’

All the while that Rose was talking, she felt her palms itching with sweat, she couldn’t stop running the tips of her fingers over them in agitation. It was nice to talk to Peter about her life, but there was such a gaping hole of knowledge about Peter’s life, it made Rose anxious.

‘But what about you? Peter, what happened?’

Peter ran a hand over his face, he pushed the hair out of his eyes and scratched his jaw, preparing himself to relay the events over to Rose. The silence from her was enough for him to fill the gap, but he refused to meet her eyes.

‘I … the battalion I was in …’ Peter sighed. He hadn’t said as much to his parents, so it was difficult to find his words. ‘Where I was, the enemy soldiers defeated us, and it was such a horrible place, it was either run for it or get shot.’

Rose winced, her top lip arching in disgust, but it wasn’t noticeable to Peter. He was staring at the ground, deciding on what to say next.

‘I ran for it, obviously, me and this Italian soldier. We ran for it for God knows how long, well into Italy, and that’s where we stayed.’ Peter’s eyes locked onto a weed nestled by one of the fence posts, facing that rather than Rose, there was no expression on his face as he remembered what he had been through. ‘Thing is, now he’s my best mate, Marco, and we went to London together.’

Rose didn’t know what she was expecting from Peter, and she wasn’t sure how to process the information he was giving her.

‘So … you ran away?’

‘Yeah.’ Peter nodded slowly, then turned to see the look on Rose’s face. ‘I know, but desertion happened more often than you think, and Rose, I didn’t want to go back. What I saw, what I went through … I couldn’t do it again.’

‘Of course, I’m so sorry.’ Rose said. She berated herself for quickly judging him, there was no chance of her coming to the slightest understanding of what war was like, and she felt stupid.

‘When did you get to London?’

‘Last year.’

Rose was about to ask another question, but stopped herself. She pieced things together in her head and was confused once again.

‘Last year? But … have you not just come back to see your parents?’

‘It’s difficult, Rose. I wish it wasn’t difficult, but that’s not always the case. I went to London with Marco, and I had to work. I worked until the day I could see my parents again, but I had to … do my time first.’ Peter was hesitant with his words, he knew not to let too much on.

‘I don’t understand.’

‘No, and I don’t want you to understand. It sounds harsh, and I’m sorry, but it’s the way it is.’

Rose took a moment for herself. A man with secrets was something she reminded herself of as being normal. It wasn’t her right to be nosy, but she felt like she was at least owed something from Peter. He wasn’t someone just new into her life, they had known each other for so long. They had been together, Rose was quickly reminded that he was the father of Posey, but her existence, and the existence of their close relationship had been in the past. They hadn’t lived the past five years together, they had led very separate lives, and for that reason, Rose kept her distance from prying.

Their conversation didn’t last for much longer, Rose felt too overwhelmed and exhausted to ask any more questions, and Peter respected that she would feel such a way. They walked back to the village again, side by side like nothing was amiss, then parted at the village square.

‘Will I see you tomorrow? I go on Sunday, I think we need to talk more, though.’ Rose asked.

‘Of course, tomorrow at noon, we’ll meet here.’ A smile plagued Peter’s lips as he spoke, and Rose felt herself lose her breath. It was the first time Peter had smiled, the first time he had smiled since he told her that he’d be back soon, over five years ago. The reaction was clear on Rose’s face, and Peter brought her forward and tucked her head under his, arms wrapped around her tightly.

‘I’m so glad you’re back safe.’ Rose said, feeling tears prick her eyes again. She felt a kiss on her forehead in response, and she closed her eyes in contentment, a surge of warmth and relief went through her body.

The rest of the day was spent in limbo, Rose went to the grocers like she had planned, but forgot half of the things she wanted to buy. Her body felt like it was wanting more, she sat in the kitchen and nursed a cup of tea, but her body was telling her to get up and walk off, or to run around. It felt like a burst of energy in her, contained by the fact that her mind was telling her to keep still. It was a mad feeling, Peter was alive, just in the village, alive and near her, after all that time.

Sleep didn’t come until early in the morning, Rose felt sick in the head as she woke up. Even though her day was busy, she allowed herself an extra hour’s sleep, which proved more successful than the night before. As she made her way around the house, preparing herself breakfast, brushing her hair and choosing what clothes to put on, there was a great sense of unease. Rose knew that she and Peter were to talk more about themselves, to catch up on the achingly long time apart, but she didn’t know what was and wasn’t off limits.

The main thing that worried Rose was Posey. She experienced a new feeling when looking at her frame that morning, and it was fear. Rose had never feared Posey before, not even from her parents, but Peter was extremely different. Of all the things to let on that day, Posey would be kept secret, it was Rose’s story to tell, and she felt that it wasn’t right to tell Peter so early on. Yet, as Rose crossed one thing off in her mind, another filled its place. Tommy.

Rose felt that there was no harm in telling Peter about Tommy, about how he was her employer, and that she knew his family well and they were kind to her. However, Rose would then think of the possible questions that would come after that, what does Tommy do? What’s his full name? Why won’t you answer my questions? What had felt like an exciting meeting with Peter turned fretful, for she had things that Peter wouldn’t understand as well.

As Rose walked to the village square, a little earlier than Peter had suggested, she was filing through all the questions and responses in her mind. There were also nerves from just seeing Peter again, to know that the day before hadn’t been a dream. It was clear just how early Rose had arrived, she waited by the corner in the same place she had first seen Peter the day before. She did a quick scan of the village square, but Peter hadn’t arrived yet.

There wasn’t enough time to think back on her worries, as Rose felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around quickly, and a smile appeared on her lips when she saw it was Peter.

‘Morning.’ Rose said.

Peter made a pointed look at his watch and smirked. ‘Just about. Come on.’ He put an arm out for Rose to take, and she linked her arm through his. Gone were the feelings of apprehension, Rose started to enjoy the walk with Peter. She let him lead, and soon recognised the route they were taking, through the village, up through the field, and they sat on the ground, like they were teenagers again.

‘A lot of memories up here.’ Peter said. Rose knew what he was referencing to, their first kiss with one another, spending afternoons up on the hill whiling away the time just talking or enjoying the sun. However, the most recent memory for Rose was bringing Tommy to show him the view of the village. It was suppressed as quickly as it entered her mind.

‘So, bring me up to date with you. Five years is a long time, Rose.’ Peter said. He nudged Rose gently with his elbow, and Rose brought her knees up to her chest, choosing what to say carefully.

‘Well, I stayed here until the end of the war, then I went back to live with my parents in Birmingham at the beginning of last year.’ Rose started.

‘Oh, uh, Small something …’ Peter interjected, trailing off when he couldn’t remember the name of the town.

‘Small Heath.’ Rose filled in, and Peter nodded his head in remembrance. Rose had started a lot further into the story, missing out a substantial part of her past. Rose knew it wasn’t the time to talk about Posey, she didn’t feel any different the night before when she was worrying about it, and there was no change as she sat next to Peter in the field.

‘I have a job in a pub, as a bookkeeper.’

‘I can’t imagine you in a pub.’ Peter laughed. Rose looked over to him in confusion.

‘Why not?’

‘Little Rosie in a pub.’ Peter joked, and Rose shook her head.

‘I’m not little Rosie anymore.’ Rose didn’t know what to think about the nickname being used, it had been a long time since someone had called her Rosie.

‘And what else? What’s the pub like?’

‘It’s just a pub, the family I work for are really nice, though.’ Rose smiled. ‘And I’ve worked there for a year and a half now, near enough.’

‘Sounds exciting.’ Peter said, but the strange rise of his voice made Rose look to him, and she saw that he widened his eyes slightly. It was like Peter to mock her, but only in a teasing way, there was no cruel intention of his words.

‘Stop, I like it there. It’s a job with income, what’s wrong with that?’

‘I suppose nothing.’ Peter sighed. A silence lapsed between them, but Rose often took glances over to Peter. He was none the wiser as Rose looked on, it was as if she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him for too long.

Peter was just as handsome as he was the day he left. Rose did the adding up in her head, he was twenty-three, a young man, and he looked the part. His jaw was sharp, lined with stubble, his hair much tidier, shaven by the ears. Rose remembered how it used to curl around, she had felt it herself all those years before. Then there was his body, Rose trailed her eyes down to Peter’s broad shoulders. They seemed to jut out beside her, much larger than she remembered. Rose’s eyes trailed again, all down his arms resting on his knees, to his hands. His right hand was holding his left fingers, keeping his hands together, lines of veins popping up from the tension in his hands. Rose felt like she could run her fingers over them, to feel them raised in his skin.

‘Nothing wrong with making money for yourself, you’re like a modern woman now.’ Peter turned to meet Rose’s eye line, and Rose almost melted at the sight of his eyes, made a shade lighter by the sun shining in their direction. A sharp breeze tousled Rose’s hair, making it fly across her face and she stopped staring at Peter. She hoped that he didn’t realise she had been gawking again, and tried to move the conversation on to distract herself.

‘What about you? What do you do in London?’ Rose asked. She turned her gaze back to the ground in front of her, rather than risking staring at Peter again.

‘This and that.’ Peter said nonchalantly. Rose was about to press him more a more comprehensive answer, but Peter filled in the blanks.

‘I work with Marco, the bloke I was telling you about. Well, it’s Marco’s uncle that hired me, and we just do whatever he needs us to do.’

Peter realised that his addition didn’t actually add any more information for Rose to understand, but he was being careful in what he said. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Rose’s eyebrows were creased, and he knew exactly what she was thinking.

‘What kind of things do you do? Is it work like mine?’ Rose asked. She hoped that it wasn’t work like hers. Although under the alias of a bookkeeper, Rose worked for a gang, and that also meant getting involved with a lot of secrets. Rose neglected to mention the name of the family she worked with for good reason, she didn’t have a clue in how far the Blinder’s influence reached, but she doubted that Peter would have any inkling of who they were.

‘No, I don’t work with books, but sometimes I work with money.’ Peter tore some grass from the ground and run it over his palms a few times, clearly disinterested in answering the question fully. ‘Then I can sometimes work on the doors to places, or go to dinner with people.’

‘I can see why you thought my work was boring.’ Rose breathed out a laugh. It didn’t make sense in Rose’s mind, however, she tried to think of what Peter actually did, what those jobs equalled to, but she couldn’t think of anything.

‘I can also speak Italian now.’ Peter said.

‘Can you really?’ Rose’s voice grew in pitch, shocked that he had such a skill.

‘I spent three years in Italy, I couldn’t exactly speak English to people, they’d look at me strange. That, and I wouldn’t be able to get anything done.’

‘Will you say something? In Italian, that is.’ Rose asked, no longer trying to focus on the ground to distract herself from looking at Peter. Her eyes were solely on his, waiting avidly to hear him speak another language.

After gazing into Rose’s eyes for a moment longer, making a point of visualising the features of her face, Peter said something in Italian. It was just a sentence, and although Rose didn’t understand what he was saying, it felt almost enchanting to hear Peter speak so well. He ended his sentence with a smirk, one which Rose copied.

‘What is it you said?’ Rose asked eagerly. She had moved an inch closer to Peter, her body had turned to face his, but Peter only turned his head to see her.

‘I said, ‘isn’t it familiar, sitting here together, finally’.’

The sun was bright, lighting up Peter’s face so brightly, but there was a hidden expression of sadness, one that Rose was akin to noticing. Peter was right, the feeling was familiar, eerily familiar, but with the weight of what they both went through in the half decade they had been apart, it wasn’t the same.

‘I suppose, though, no matter how much time we end up spending apart, I can rely on you to laugh at my crap jokes.’ Peter said, in his usual jest.

The heavy mood between them lifted, and Peter nudged Rose again. They shared a laugh between one another, as Rose knew exactly what Peter was talking about. She always laughed at his jokes. To begin with, it was mainly due to being infatuated with Peter, and finding whatever he said to be charming. That infatuation remained when they began their romantic relationship, and Rose dared to think that it remained until that day; it was just at the back of her mind with no reason to rear its head before that moment.

Rose and Peter remained on the hill until grey clouds made their way across the horizon. As they made the journey back down to the village, every so often their hands brushed against one another. The first time it happened, they spun their heads so quickly to look at one another they almost got whiplash. Awkward smiles were offered in response to the touch, and both focused on trying to not touch each other once again that it inevitably happened anyway. The awkward smiles turned to ones of humour, and Peter took control.

‘Here.’ Peter said, taking Rose hand. He placed it on the crook of his arm, his hand stroking the skin of Rose’s skin for just a moment. With Rose attached to him, he pulled his right arm closer to his body, which brought Rose with it. They walked together like it was normal, like there was no worry that they would be caught in a close proximity, but Rose felt as if she couldn’t breathe properly.

‘I want to see you before you go tomorrow, is that alright?’ Peter asked. Instead of walking to the village square like Rose had assumed they were heading towards, Peter led them both through the village and to the house. Rose felt elated that he wanted to act a gentleman and see her to her door, but was hesitant on letting him in.

Rose had moved a small step away from Peter’s body to look up at him, but her hand remained on his arm. ‘I have to leave by one to catch my train.’

‘Then I’ll see you to the train station, if that’s alright by you?’

The lack of breath Rose was experiencing appeared again, and she managed to nod her head in reply. There was no chance of Rose saying no to Peter, another opportunity to see him made her desperate for the next day. Peter left soon enough, carefully taking Rose’s hand off of his sleeve, and Rose felt stupid for hanging on in the first place. No comment was made about it, he gave Rose a soft look to accompany him holding her hand for that moment, and Rose felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise, goose bumps appearing over her body.

When Rose entered the house, she rushed to the living room and pulled back the cotton netting to watch Peter walk down the lane. To her surprise, he turned and looked over his shoulder for a few seconds, Rose didn’t know if she was seen or not, but it pulled at her heart knowing that he felt he needed to look back. When Peter’s figure disappeared from view, Rose stepped back from the window and collapsed into her armchair.

Rose was exhausted. She didn’t know what to think, or feel, whether she should’ve been happy over him being back, or scared that he had just returned to his family after all that time, or nervous that he wanted to see her again the next day. Rose thought back to gazing at Peter’s retreating body, and thought that he almost seemed like a different person. Peter was no longer a boy, he was a man, a man who had yet to learn that he had been a father, a man who had been through horrors in the war that Rose was sure that she didn’t want to know about.

The fact that Peter was somewhat secretive with his life in London did concern Rose to a point, but then she had to think about herself, since she also had secrets to hide. Seeing it from that perspective made sense to Rose, it wouldn’t have been normal for things to just be easy to understand or wrap her head around. Peter had been M.I.A until the end of the war, then worked in London for a year and a half, and whatever had happened to him during that time, Rose wanted to think that there was something in the future for them both, regardless of the secrets they chose to hide.

True to his word, Peter accompanied Rose to the train station the next day, he carried her suitcase to the platform and made a point about holding her back to tell her something.

‘I want to see you again, in the village. When will you be able to come back?’

‘It’ll be next month, possibly the last weekend of the month.’ Rose said, trying to think of her calendar quickly.

‘Make it that weekend, and I’ll come up.’

They shared a hug, Rose wondered if Peter was going to go further and kiss her, either on her head or cheek, but their goodbye remained platonic. Rose couldn’t ask for more than he had already given, and felt tears appear in her eyes as she waved to Peter out of her cabin window. He stood until the train was out of sight, Rose’s face remained plastered to the pane of glass until he was out of sight, then she slumped into her seat and wiped away her tears.

Luckily, there was no one else in the train cabin, but Rose’s tears disappeared soon enough. The emptiness of the cabin gave Rose no distractions, her mind was running faster than the train itself, and she used the time to think of her weekend.

The final connection to her past life had appeared, after all that time. First it had been auntie Edna, then Posey’s picture, but Rose had a tangible person, a living memory of her time before she had moved back with her parents. Rose felt like the weekend wasn’t long enough to recover from seeing Peter, and had a wild thought about getting off at the next stop and purchasing a ticket to get back to the village, but that would’ve been reckless. Peter would’ve thought her insane to need to see him again, they had just promised to meet the next month and that had to be enough.

Rose didn’t know if Peter knew how important his appearance was to her, but then she shook her head, of course he wouldn’t know, he had no idea of the life she was going back to. Small Heath was her home, but it wasn’t where her family were. Her parents still lived above their business in the house, but Rose couldn’t put her hand on her heart and say they were family. There was no direct connection to Small Heath anymore, no friend’s other than those that had the surname Shelby, and Ada had moved to London with Freddie and Karl, Ms Harding had made her feelings clear, all Rose could come up with was Tommy.

Like most weekends away from the city, Rose’s mind would always find a way back to Tommy. They had made memories together in the house, it was only natural, but Rose realised that there hadn’t been more than a moment where she had thought about him. It had been all about Peter, but for good reason.

Rose was left in a rut, not knowing what to think. Peter was such a strong link to her past, something that Tommy would never have, but in the grand scheme of it all, Rose had spent more time with Tommy than she had Peter. If Tommy was to feel things for Rose, to feel more than he did the night they spent together, he would have to tell her, but even if Tommy gathered the courage to tell Rose the things she had wanted to hear previously, everything had changed anyway. Peter was back, and there was so much to learn from him, so much to remember, Rose felt anxious over the thought of Tommy getting in the middle of things.

\-----

The morning air filtered through Tommy’s lungs, it felt crisp and fresh, but he drowned that feeling out with a drag of his cigarette. Taking a morning walk down by the cut had become a ritual of Tommy’s, he only started taking those walks on the weekends that Rose went away to Derbyshire. He was up before anyone else in Small Heath, so his walks were always undisturbed, and no one ever saw him make his pilgrimage to the water.

The walks Tommy took to clear his mind also had an ulterior purpose. The time limit he had set himself on the ring was coming to an end, and he was thinking of the best way to propose to Rose. To prepare himself for it, Tommy often thought about the moment when he would take Rose to Watery Lane after proposing, with the ring on her finger. Tommy would watch in bliss as Rose would hold up her hand for Polly, Arthur and John to see, they would congratulate them both on the occasion, and Rose would look at him with love in every part of her being. Tommy craved that feeling, at that moment more than ever, but was thinking tactically.

Tommy waited until he knew Rose would be working in the Garrison, she had gotten back from her weekend away and Tommy had built enough courage to make the walk there. He had practiced the speech over in his mind, there wasn’t a chance of him messing up a simple exchange in which he asked Rose to dinner.

Tommy paid Arthur no attention as he walked through the Garrison, his eyes were solely on the door to the office. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, his palms started sweating, he couldn’t believe what the thought of Rose was making him feel. As Tommy knocked and opened the door, he let out a breath and prepared himself. Rose was there, like he had known she’d be, at the urge to propose to her there was moving to the front of his mind. Rose turned to look at him, and Tommy knew he was doing the right thing.

‘Rose, sorry to barge in like this, I know you’re working.’ Tommy said, but he could tell that the tone of his voice was strange, evident by the look Rose gave him in return. ‘It’s good to see you.’

‘And you too, Tommy. You’re not barging in, is everything alright?’ Rose asked. There was a tense look on Tommy’s face, Rose thought he had possibly come with bad news.

‘Everything’s fine,’ Tommy cleared his throat and took a deep breath, ‘It’s just … I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner?’

Rose became aware of why Tommy was acting strange, and smiled to herself. ‘Of course, I’d love to.’

‘Saturday night, then. I’ll pick you up at eight.’

The exchange didn’t last very long, Tommy was happy enough with Rose’s answers, and he promptly left the Garrison to go back to work. As soon as he left, however, Tommy regretted not staying longer and asking Rose how her weekend went. He felt like an idiot all of a sudden, bursting into the office, asking her for dinner, then leaving straight away. He had clearly caught Rose off guard, she had just managed to answer his question, but he had already started walking home. There were several times during the walk back to Watery Lane where Tommy thought about turning around and going back, but he managed to convince himself out of it every time.

During the few days before the night of the dinner, Tommy became anxious, and even considered moving the night of the dinner forward, but he didn’t want to seem erratic. When Saturday evening finally presented itself, Tommy thought he’d feel relieved that the time had finally come, but the nerves were piling on him. Outwardly, Tommy seemed fine, he had been in far worse situations that granted more panic from him in the past, one dinner wasn’t going to make him crumble.

No one knew what he was going to do that night, Tommy didn’t even think to tell Polly, even though she had brought it up enough times. It wasn’t a preservation thing, Tommy had no reason to think that Rose would say no, not with what they had both been through, but he kept thinking about the surprise of returning to Watery Lane with Rose, his fiancée. The thought of the surprise made Tommy smile, he wanted that feeling to be real, and he hoped within a few hours it would be.

Finally, Tommy had a reason to take the engagement ring out of his desk drawer. No one saw him do it, the office was silent at that time of the day, and he walked in solitude to Charlie’s yard to pick up the car. The nerves felt like they were fading, with every step Tommy took, a sense of confidence was filling him, and he felt positive about the night ahead.

There was only one thing that would’ve improved Tommy’s already good mood, and that was seeing Rose in her evening wear, looking beautiful and radiant. Tommy saw Mrs Mason peeking through the curtains, watching them both diligently, but even the sight of the dour landlady wasn’t going to ruin his stride.

‘You look lovely, Rose.’ Tommy said, the feeling of a smile tugging at his lips. He swore Rose was blushing, but the night’s sky was hiding any evidence of it. Rose lowered her head, almost shy at the compliment, and took Tommy’s hand when he offered it, he helped her into the car and they drove off.

Tommy felt it again, the jolt within him that by the end of the night, Rose could be his fiancée. He wouldn’t have to pick her up from another house, or go for hours without seeing her, because they could be living together at last. Tommy was giddy with the thought, he felt like a young man, like there wasn’t nothing he couldn’t do or achieve. Almost blind with anticipation, Tommy saw Rose into the restaurant, and held out the chair for her to sit in. He wasn’t concerned about what wine the waiter recommended, or what food to order, all he could think about what the small box in his jacket pocket, and when it would’ve been the right time to get it out. However, wine was poured and food was ordered, and the dinner truly began.

‘I thought we could have a proper dinner, just the two of us. Something we haven’t done in a long while.’ Tommy said, his palms felt wet with sweat again.

‘Yes, I …’ Rose trailed off, without having said many words, and Tommy saw her lower her face again. Rose swallowed thickly, and when she raised her head, there was no denying that a distraught look was on her face.

‘Rose, is everything alright?’ Tommy asked, hoping the answer was a simple one. The look Rose gave him, however, was conflicted, and she tore her gaze from his.

‘I’m so sorry, Tommy, I feel like I’m ruining the dinner, I should’ve told you earlier.’ Rose shook her head, the pained look on her face remaining.

‘You’re not ruining anything, Rose.’ Tommy feigned a smile, hoping that his calm mood would encourage her to share her thoughts, but Tommy’s heart was sinking fast.

‘It’s just … something happened.’ Rose started. Tommy’s guard went up immediately, he felt ready to move at Rose’s word, his body was tense with anticipation.

‘When I went to the house last weekend … he was there.’

Tommy’s eyes bore into Rose’s, not sharing a shred of emotion at her words. The word ‘he’ didn’t come as comforting to Tommy, and he felt his throat close up.

‘It was Peter.’ Rose confirmed, and Tommy tried to swallow, even though it hurt. ‘After all this time, he was there.’

Tommy realised it then that he had been completely oblivious to how Rose really was. All that time he had thoughts of putting the ring on her finger and showing her off like she was a prize, she had been lamenting on a ghost from her past; one that was really alive. Even thinking back to the day he had asked her to dinner, he hadn’t spent long enough in the office to realise that she seemed away with thought, and that him asking her for the meal only offered her a momentary distraction to her otherwise confusing situation.

Tommy blinked slowly, and put his feelings aside. It was not the moment for him to be upset about the box in his jacket, not when Rose needed his comfort.

‘How do you feel about it, Rose?’ Tommy kept his voice steady, and for added measure, reached a hand over the table to take hers.

‘That’s the thing, I don’t know. I believed he was dead, for all that time, but now …’ Rose exhaled frustratingly, but her grip never waned on Tommy’s hand. ‘I’m so sorry Tommy, I never meant to tell you here, in this place. It’s just I’ve had no one to talk to about it since I got back and-’

‘Please don’t apologise, Rose, this is hardly your fault.’

‘It was just such a shock.’

‘Of course it was.’ Tommy’s heart sank for Rose, he couldn’t imagine where her mind was at that moment. To have someone back after all that time, he knew Rose must’ve been aching over it.

‘We’ve planned to see one another next month, so we can talk more about everything. We spent some time together at the weekend, but it wasn’t long enough to get through everything, to understand all that had happened.’ Rose said. Her voice had steadied somewhat, comfortable in sharing that information with Tommy.

‘You must be relieved he’s alive.’ Tommy said. It had neither a graceful nor sour edge to it, Tommy was just talking words at that point, hoping they were the right ones and that Rose would explain more about how she felt, for his benefit mostly.

‘Well, of course, it’s almost like a miracle. I feel like we have a lot to say to one another. It was truly the last thing I expected.’

Tommy couldn’t help but think that Rose’s statement rang true in his mind. He felt something rising in him, something urgent, and he couldn’t help himself.

‘What does this mean?’

Before Tommy could regret what came out of his mouth, he stared into Rose’s eyes, hoping his question didn’t make her think less of him. It was selfish to ask that question when Rose was clearly tormented in front of him, but the thought that the ring was just in the pocket of his jacket made him panic slightly. That ring wasn’t coming out that evening, and Tommy felt like he needed to have something to keep his disappointment at bay.

Rose knew exactly what Tommy meant, and she felt her heart tear slightly. ‘I … I don’t know. But, things have changed, that I do know.’

It was the clearest answer Tommy was going to get, and he couldn’t put up a fight. Instinctively, Tommy loosened his grip on Rose’s hand and brought it back to his body, that action would be one he would come to regret when thinking about it later on. Rose couldn’t blame him for wanting to move his hand from hers, but she felt a tug at her heart when he did.

The dinner was a bleak affair, both Rose and Tommy did their best at making small talk, even though the atmosphere between them felt like they didn’t even know one another. More often than not, Tommy thought back to the ring he’d brought with him, and he’d have to bite his tongue to punish himself for remembering it.

The short goodbye hurt more than the entire dinner did. Tommy drove Rose to her flat, he forgot his selfish pride and got out to walk Rose to her door. One part of him wanted her to get out of his car so he could speed off, but he felt as if he had to walk her, like he had to have that last moment with her, but it hurt more than he could’ve anticipated.

‘Thank you for understanding, Tommy.’

Tommy gave a curt nod and turned to leave. There was no goodbye kiss, no lingering touch that had them both wanting more of each other. Tommy wished that he wasn’t so understanding, there was a part of him that wanted to shout out loud his love for Rose, and that Peter shouldn’t matter if Rose loved him back. However, that didn’t happen, Tommy didn’t even look over his shoulder as he walked back to his car.

Tommy drove back to Charlie’s yard to return the car, but he didn’t plan on going home straight away. It was quiet, Tommy needed the silence to manage his thoughts; he fixed his stare on something non-descript in the distance and tried to organise what he was feeling.

It was an intermittent thought that made Tommy breath a laugh, he suddenly remembered that he wanted to drive back to Watery Lane with Rose, the ring on her finger glistening proudly to show off to everyone. He had been so reliant on that image coming true, he didn’t even think of it not coming to fruition.

After staring into the distance enough to make his mind go numb, Tommy knew that Rose wasn’t to blame. Tommy thought the situation would’ve been easier if he could make someone a scape-goat, to put the blame on someone else to make himself feel better. However, Tommy was starkly reminded of something he had said to Rose some time ago, ‘ _Nothing you could ever tell me would make me think less of you_ ,’ and he knew that it rang true to that moment.

The pact Tommy had made for himself was worthless, and although he felt upset then, he knew it wouldn’t be long until he could deal with how Rose felt about him, that he wasn’t the one she would think about often like he thought about her. Tommy thought that even if he had professed his feelings before Rose saw Peter, it wouldn’t have mattered, she would still feel conflicted about her past lover coming back. He never got to say that he loved her, and even after it felt like he had been shunted, there was no doubt in Tommy’s mind that there wouldn’t be that feeling for Rose; it would never go away.

\-----

Tommy didn’t want to act like he had gone off of Rose, the time that passed since the dinner had seemed to take an age, and he did his best to act like things were normal. Things weren’t normal, however, but Tommy had to take into consideration what Rose was going through in her own mind before putting his feelings first. There was nothing more he wanted to do than respect her boundaries, not wanting to overstep the mark, wherever it was set. Respecting Rose’s boundaries meant that Tommy didn’t have to make such an effort to see her most days, not like before when he’d put aside time to go to the Garrison and spend lunch with her. Not seeing her so often made the pain lessen somewhat.

The change in atmosphere between Rose and Tommy was sensed by everyone who worked with them both. John hadn’t learned from previous times that his smart comments weren’t wanted to be heard by anybody, and Tommy ran out of patience for them as quickly as they left his brother’s mouth.

‘Nothing like a bottle of something to drown your sorrows, eh Tommy?’ John said, which in turn earnt him a glare off of Tommy that bore straight through him. Even though the look held daggers, John was used to brushing such looks off, and just shook his head.

‘Not to worry, Tom.’ Arthur said, putting a hand on Tommy’s shoulder as a way to console him.

‘Not to worry? Missed his chance more like.’ John hadn’t relented on his comments, and Polly, who had been watching the exchange from the side of the room, moved forward and smacked John on the back of the head. John then muttered something under his breath, and promptly left for the pub with Arthur in tow.

Tommy watched them leave, and could feel Polly’s presence beside him, catching her in the corner of his eye. He knew what was coming next, and to get it over and done with on his terms, he turned to look at Polly and waited for her to speak first.

‘What really happened, Tommy? When you and Rose went out to dinner?’ Polly asked, her arms were crossed over her chest, but she had a sincere expression on her face.

Tommy shrugged, trying not to give anything away, but Polly was nothing but relentless in being able to read Tommy like a book.

‘I guess that’s it.’ Was all that Tommy said, and it came out more bitterly than he had expected. Polly raised an eyebrow pointedly, but didn’t think to chastise him too harshly.

‘Not like you to give up on what you want. If you told her how you feel-’

‘I can’t.’ Tommy spat. He was frustrated, because the situation wasn’t that simply. He didn’t want to tell John, nor Arthur, about the specifics of why it was difficult, in his hour of need, it had to be Polly who would be the one to know why a rift had occurred between him and Rose.

‘Can’t? Tommy, all you have to do is tell her.’ Polly made it seem like the easiest task in the world, and Tommy wished that it was. He wished that life could be that simple, for just a moment.

‘It’s not as easy as that, Pol. He’s back.’ A taste of acid appeared in Tommy’s mouth at the mention of Peter, his body clearly repelling the thought of him.

‘Who’s back?’

Tommy sighed, and thought it was a good time for a cigarette. It wasn’t done out of desire to not tell Polly the truth, but he could tell that she was getting impatient as the silence drew on, and her question remained unanswered.

‘Him. The father.’ Tommy’s tone was tiresome, upset that he had to say the words out loud. The did nothing but confirm his thoughts and worries. ‘He went back to the village the weekend she was there. After all this time.’

Tommy’s gazed moved to a spot on the floor, he didn’t want to see how Polly’s expression changed in reaction to his reveal. He took a long drag from his cigarette, the smoke escaped from his nose as he breathed out in annoyance.

‘Shit.’ Polly captured Tommy’s feelings well enough with her statement. He nodded slowly and took another drag from his cigarette. ‘How was she, after seeing him?’

Polly’s question went unanswered, the long lapse of silence between them both didn’t encourage her to ask another. However, silence often spoke more than words, and Polly didn’t need to ask anything else, Tommy’s emotions were written on his face.

Tommy didn’t want to answer the question, and was glad that Polly wasn’t in the mood to tease him, nor get a solid answer out of him. The question plagued his mind for the rest of the day, then the rest of the week, everything seemed so up in the air. All Tommy could think of was how confused Rose was about the situation, that she didn’t have a clear thought to calm his mind let alone her own, and that’s what bothered Tommy the most. There was one tiny detail that also filled his mind, the one where he knew and was convinced that whatever was at the front of Rose’s mind, it wasn’t him.

Tommy was correct about Rose being confused, it felt like her every waking moment was spent thinking about Peter appearance at the village. She wished for the time when she could go back and see him, she had thought of many questions, she even considered writing them down.

The days went on and Rose was becoming anxious in seeing Peter again. She wondered if it would be the time when he’d find out about Posey, but despite the multiple times she thought about the ways to tell him, her stomach would churn uncomfortably. Rose hoped that because of their strong, albeit short history, he wouldn’t be quick to judge her like her parents had. Rose had the image in her mind that Peter would kiss her on the top of her head, like he had back when they’d seen each other in the village, like he had when they were teenagers. Rose remembered how sweet that kiss felt, but then her hands clenched in the confusion of it.

Rose had to admit that she wanted to have Peter kiss her again, to feel that intimacy between one another, and she was frustrated by it. She didn’t know if it was right to have two men kiss her, to have had Tommy kiss her so passionately, but then want to feel Peter’s lips on hers as well. Rose wondered for a moment if her parents were right, that she brought shame, shame in the fact she couldn’t decide between two men. Rose could hardly compliment her situation and call it a spoil of riches, she so wanted to know her true feelings, but that wouldn’t happen until she went back to see Peter. Seeing him the first time brought emotions to the boil, she felt that the second time in seeing him, those emotions may be released.

The space that Tommy gave Rose after their dinner made Rose feel guilty in some capacity. She knew there were words that they hadn’t found the chance to say to one another, but Rose didn’t know if she wanted to hear them. It wasn’t as if Rose was falling out of love with Tommy, mostly due to her not knowing if there was love to begin with. The absence of a clear answer made Rose fall deeper into her guilty conscious, but things had changed, of which she couldn’t help.

Any feelings of guilt swirled in Rose’s stomach when she went to Watery Lane. It was mostly to deliver papers, or have Polly looks over the books she kept, there weren’t many times she’d go to the house for a leisurely visit. That day was the same, as scheduled in the diary, there was a meeting to attend. Rose’s input in the meetings was always minimal, she never knew all the jargon and information they’d speak of, she just knew to turn up with the accounts book for Polly to look over before the meeting started.

Like the other times, Rose placed herself to the side of the room, hands tucked neatly in front of her, and the meeting began. She found herself twiddling her thumbs, only once in a while thinking to bring herself to the attention of the meeting and listen in to what was being said. When Rose looked up, her eyes immediately focused on Tommy, who was heading the meeting, as was the one talking.

‘…And it would be better for us to use the new system, Polly’s had a go at it…’

Rose’s eyes drifted over to Polly, who began to talk under Tommy’s insistence, something about a new system Rose was sure she didn’t need to know. She fazed the talking out again, then without thinking, she returned her gaze to Tommy. For a moment, Rose watched Tommy look ahead to all those at the table, he picked up his cigarette from the tray and leaned back in his seat, one arm across his body, the other bringing the cigarette to his mouth.

Rose watched him perform that action, not thinking much into it, but felt herself still when Tommy’s eyes flicked over to hers. In the few seconds Rose held his eye contact, she tried to read his expression, seeing if there was anything in the cool, blue of his gaze, but a rise in Polly’s voice made her blink hard, and she turned her head away.

The meeting carried on like normal, it wasn’t long until Tommy was speaking again, and Rose went back to twiddling her thumbs in her lap. Rose was preparing herself for the end of the meeting, remembering to go up to Tommy and tell him that the weekend approaching was the one she was taking off to go to the house. Rose was worried that it would seem like she was rubbing it in, but she didn’t want to be told off for not turning up to work, everyone under the impression that she wasn’t taking the time off. It only had to be a short exchange, Rose kept in mind to act professional, she was sure that Tommy wouldn’t be spiteful and treat her differently because of the circumstances.

As everyone stood from their chairs and went back to their posts, Rose stood slowly from her seat, hoping to catch Tommy before someone else took up his time. Annoyingly, Rose had to follow Tommy back to his office, just a few paces behind him, but she couldn’t get his attention just yet. Tommy left his door open and Rose knocked on it straight away.

Tommy turned his head to the side, not giving all his attention to which person knocked on his door, but turned fully when he realised who it was.

‘Hello, Rose,’ Tommy said, and he cleared his throat. It was as if he had been caught off guard, it wasn’t like Tommy to act surprised in seeing a member of staff. ‘Is everything alright?’

Rose tried not to think too much about the question, it would’ve been cynical of her to think that Tommy was talking about the two of them. ‘I came in to remind you that I’m away this weekend. To the house.’

There was no obvious change in emotion that Rose could read, although she was looking for it. Tommy pursed his lips and nodded his head, he knew what weekend it was, but didn’t think to chastise Rose in telling something he already knew.

‘I hope you have a nice time.’ Tommy said. His face softened for a moment, it wasn’t a sarcastic remark on his behalf, no matter how much he wanted to be bitter, he couldn’t towards Rose. He hated that he wanted to act that way.

‘Thank you.’ Rose offered a small smile, and Tommy clenched his jaw. He felt a grumble in his throat, the noise was quiet enough for Rose to not hear, and he acted on it regardless.

‘Are you meeting up with him?’

Tommy saw the shift in Rose’s expression, and knew he’d done wrong. There was no taking it back, Tommy had to stand there in the atmosphere he’d created, but Rose put him out of his misery.

‘I am, we still have so much to talk about.’

Tommy knew that would be her answer, there was no need for him to torture himself thinking that the answer would be different every time he asked. He could never be angry at Rose for what was happening, which was out of his nature.

‘I hope … I hope you have a nice time.’ Tommy was so close to saying something biting, something that may have changed the situation they were in. Tommy suddenly convinced himself that he had missed another chance, but the moment passed as soon as it was presented to him.

Rose thanked Tommy once again, then left Watery Lane. There was no more time to think about Tommy, and the meaning of his words, not when she had to pack her suitcase and get ready for her trip.

No thought spared on anything other than Peter, Rose got to thinking about what kind of clothes he might’ve liked to see her in, Rose picked her prettiest blouses for the trip, but there was one piece in her wardrobe that Peter could never influence. The necklace Tommy had gotten her for Christmas; Rose wore it every day, it became part of her routine to place it around her neck every morning. Rose was wearing then as she prepared her outfits for the weekend.

When Rose was on the train, she often caught herself smiling as she thought about the weekend ahead. There were a few nerves to contend with, Rose had a horrible thought of Peter not turning up like he had said, like when he said he would come back after the war, but Rose had to berate herself. They were no longer living in a war, and he had strictly said that he wanted to see her again, so Rose had to remain optimistic.

Pulling into the station made Rose’s heart flutter, she had a thought of Peter already there, knowing which train she was taking and waiting for her. Once the steam cleared, however, Rose realised that her sudden silly dream wasn’t a reality, and made her way off the train. Even though Peter wasn’t there, as there was no way he’d know when Rose was in the village, it didn’t stop Rose glancing up and down the platform, just thinking that she’d perhaps missed him. There was no one, however, and Rose stopped herself from thinking such outlandish things.

The Autumn breeze made for an enjoyable walk to the house, since the day had been forecasted rain, Rose had been ready to pay for a carriage, but her money was saved in the end. Rose’s arm started to ache with the weight of her case, but that was all forgotten about when she walked up to the gate of the house. It wasn’t until Rose had started walking through the wooden gate when she noticed a bunch of flowers resting against the front door.

Rose remembered to not think outlandish thoughts, but her hope that Peter had left the flowers became true when she checked the card. A flutter appeared in Rose’s tummy, the unexpected gift made her cheeks flush red. She picked the flowers up, and although she didn’t notice it at first, Rose recognised a few of the flowers being out of season, and wondered how Peter was able to get those the bouquet in the first place.

After unpacking her suitcase, Rose saw to the flowers she’d left in the kitchen sink. She took her time in putting them into a vase she’d found in one of the cupboards, and presented them nicely. Once they sat in the kitchen window, Rose wondered when she was to see Peter next, as he hadn’t said anything in the card he left in the bouquet. Rose thought that she’d see him soon enough, so went into the village to the grocers, putting ingredients for dinner as a more important matter since there was no food in the house.

Rose walked with a lighter step through the village, it felt like there was no ill feeling in being in her childhood village, there were only good memories to remember. The good feeling lasted, and when Rose walked into the grocers to find Peter with his mother, the initial shock subsided quickly, and a smile spread across her lips.

Peter greeted Rose with a kiss on her cheek, and she felt the skin heat up because of it, but adjusted her hair as to hide any mark of blushing. Peter stood proudly next to Rose as his mother turned to see them both.

‘Oh Rose, Peter said you were coming down this week.’ Peter’s mother beamed at Rose and walked over to bring her into an embrace. Rose couldn’t help but smile in return and bask in her catching good mood.

‘It’s nice to see you, Mrs Millar.’

‘Don’t be silly, you know to call me Alice.’

Alice took a step back to look at the pair, making a pointed expression from Rose to Peter, and she sighed, the smile still on her lips. ‘I can’t get over it, Rose, I feel like I have to pinch his cheeks to check if he’s still here.’

Rose breathed a laugh and turned her gaze up to Peter, who rolled his eyes sarcastically at his mother’s comment. ‘Surprised I have any skin left.’

A moment passed where Rose saw Alice look up to her son with a gaze she recognised, love for her child. It wasn’t a moment that should’ve taken place in a grocer’s in Rose’s opinion, and felt like she was intruding, but didn’t feel jealous or upset because of it. She wanted to see Peter’s reaction to it, but thought that looking up would bring attention to herself so decided against it.

‘Have you just arrived, Rose?’ Alice’s moment ended with her son, and she turned her attention back to Rose.

‘Yes, just getting things for dinner.’

‘Well, I won’t keep you.’ Alice gave Rose a gentle squeeze on her arm and turned to go back to the counter. Peter didn’t join her, but rather opted to stay by Rose’s side and talk without his mother in earshot.

‘Did you like the flowers, Rose?’ Peter asked. A flutter in Rose’s tummy appeared again, and the beaming smile she once had changed into a knowing smirk. Rose bit her lip as she nodded, she felt like a young sweetheart being wooed in secret, being made more dangerous with Peter’s mother just a few paces from them.

‘I know how much you loved gardening with auntie Edna.’

‘Thank you.’ Rose felt her heart skip a beat at the comment, and felt relieved that peter remembered that part of her past. ‘Do you want to come for dinner tonight? I’d be nice for us to be alone.’ Rose’s voice trailed off as she finished her sentence, losing confidence in what she was saying.

‘Definitely.’

Rose was glad that Peter didn’t take much convincing, and he notified his mother straight away that he’d be eating with Rose that night. They spent their time getting food in for dinner, strolling between the grocer’s and the butcher’s, all the while talking about everything and nothing. They were so wrapped up in one another that they hadn’t noticed it had begun to rain on their way back to the house.

As Rose put the food away and filled the kettle to make tea, she felt like she was playing domestic wife. She even thought about putting the apron on for the desired effect, but smiled to herself and thought to hold back. Peter sat at the table as Rose moved around the kitchen, and there wasn’t a moment between them that was silent or awkward.

‘I feel like I can’t sleep when I come back here, I’m so used to the noise of the city now.’ Peter was leant back in the chair, an arm over the back of another chair, his eyes following Rose around the room as she gathered the tea things.

‘See, I’m the opposite, sometimes I feel like I can sleep the day through, it’s so peaceful.’

‘Would you ever move to somewhere like London?’ Peter asked.

Rose shrugged her shoulders, then turned back when the kettle on the stove started whistling. ‘I’ve never thought about it. I suppose I never had a reason to go.’

Peter eyed Rose as she was by the counter, and resisted to say that he could be a reason for her to move to the capital. He’d been wanting to bring that subject up all afternoon, but had been staving off it since they met up in the village. All he wanted was to start understanding was Rose’s reaction to the idea, and if she responded well, he would start broaching the subject more.

‘I know they’re always looking for girls with admin skills.’ Peter said nonchalantly.

‘Which places?’ Rose asked, finding the hole in Peter’s comment. They caught eyes with one another, and Peter smirked.

‘Just places, all around. You’d be considered valuable there, you know.’

‘I’ll thank you for the compliment.’ Rose quirked her eyebrows up and brought the teapot to the table. Rose poured the tea for the both of them, and Peter grabbed the sugar spoon before she could get to it.

‘One for you, I haven’t forgotten.’ The corner of Peter’s lip turned upwards, knowing he’d gotten it right when Rose sat back and let him prepare her tea.

Rose wanted to know everything else Peter remembered. Rose recalled how Peter would surprise her with an iced bun after school, since they were her favourite, how he told her off when she bit her nails, or how she liked him playing with her hair. Rose didn’t feel like there was an insistence in asking Peter if he remembered, there was a happiness in waiting for the right moment, or to see if Peter would fall back into routine and carry out those actions without having to be asked.

‘There’s also the nightlife. The typist and secretaries know how to drink, I tell you.’

Rose shook her head and breathed a laugh. ‘You know, that hasn’t done the trick to entice me.’

‘Not into the partying lifestyle?’ Peter asked. He’d placed his forearms on the table to bring his body closer to Rose. Rose didn’t realise that she’d leant forward in her seat to get just that bit closer; it was discerned by Peter, however.

‘I like a drink, but the way you put it, I don’t think I’d be able to keep up.’

‘It’s not all about the nightlife, though. London is on another level of expansion compared with the entire country. Compared with here,’ Peter shrugged his shoulder and a sharp breath left his nose, ‘it’s like time stops still.’

Rose’s gaze softened on Peter, then she lowered her gaze. All that Peter was saying about London seemed great, but she wasn’t swayed by the way in which he described it. ‘I like that it’s slow here, I feel like I need it sometimes.’

The tone Rose used was light, but she made her point well enough. Peter didn’t try to say anymore on the subject, knowing that if he pushed it too much then, he’s would put Rose off forever, just out of spite.

Rose didn’t think it was odd that Peter was talking about London in such a way, she knew that he would be excited about what he did and where he lived, it was just a shame that Rose didn’t feel the same way about Small Heath. In such a short space of time, Rose had been kicked out of her home and had been forced to fend for herself. It wasn’t entirely sob-worthy, as Tommy had been there to help her find a place to live, and had made sure that she was looked after, but even her relationship with him had changed.

As Peter excused himself to go to the bathroom, Rose stood up and started to make dinner. To further confuse her emotions, Rose was enjoying Peter’s company, and had been surprised at how quickly that had gotten back into old ways. It felt like nostalgia, they were in the house together, enjoying each other’s company, the only thing that was missing was auntie Edna.

When Rose heard Peter coming down the stairs, she called out to him. ‘Is it alright if you cut the meat up? I’ll just wash the vegetables.’ Rose had put some carrots in the sink to start washing, but realised that Peter hadn’t yet responded. She put the carrots down and turned, but felt her throat close when she caught eyes with Peter.

In Peter’s hand was the frame that Tommy had bought her, and it didn’t take more than a second for Rose to realise why Peter was stunned silent. Rose felt fear, fear was the overriding emotion over everything in that moment, and the continued silence from Peter made it far worse. Rose tried to read Peter’s expression, he stared at the frame for what felt like hours, and eventually, he looked up.

‘This is you. And…’

‘My daughter. Our daughter.’ Rose’s voice was strained, sounding breathy, but Peter didn’t pick up on it. Rose saw how he swallowed thickly, then blinked rapidly, as if to clear his gaze on what he was viewing. Rose stayed stock still as she watched Peter moved in the room, taking the seat he was previously sat in. Rose was glad that Peter sat down, she had a sudden fear of him throwing the frame across the room like her parents had.

The lingering silence in the room was making Rose feel uneasy, and she felt like she needed to explain herself. ‘From the night we …’

‘What happened?’ Peter’s brows were lifted when he finally tore his gaze from the frame. He looked so confused and upset, Rose couldn’t hold his eye contact for too long. She sighed heavily, knowing the story she had to tell.

‘She died, Peter.’ Rose felt safe knowing that Peter wasn’t angry or felt the need to prove a point with his surprise with the frame, it remained steady in his hands, so she moved forward to sit in her seat.

Placing herself in the seat made her feel steady, and she felt like telling the story that time around wasn’t like the other times. Rose didn’t feel the urge to cry, only that her face and chest felt hot with the surprise, all Rose cared about was telling the story to the exact truth, all for Peter’s sake. The vulnerable look Peter gave Rose was enough to bring her back to attention and to get rid of the expression on his face.

‘No one knew about her, only auntie Edna.’ Rose started, and she had to look down to her hands on the table to think straight. ‘And then my parents, who threw me out of the house when they found out about her. It happened after auntie Edna died, when we went to the funeral. The people I work for know about her as well, but they were more gracious about it than my parents. Her name Josephine, but I called her Posey.’

‘That’s a beautiful name. She looks beautiful.’ Peter’s voice was soft, and Rose felt a breath leave her chest, one that she didn’t know she was holding in. It was Peter’s reaction that wanted to make her weep, not discussing her daughter. Rose had never thought of the time where she’d have to tell Peter about Posey, their daughter that he had never met or knew of, but she felt like it couldn’t have gone better.

‘She was. But then she died one night, she was only two months old.’ To make matters seem more miraculous, Rose felt a warmth on her hand, and flicked her eyes to see that Peter had brought his hand over to enclose her own. Another moment of silence lapsed between them, and Rose turned her head to look out of the kitchen window.

‘She’s buried in the garden.’

To see Peter’s reaction, Rose turned her head back to him, and she found that the vulnerable look had left his face. A thumb was stroking the skin of her hand, and Peter gave her a small smile, one that Rose took to mean that he wanted to go out into the garden to see her.

The frame was left on the table, and the spitting rain was ignored as Rose walked with Peter to the end of the garden. Peter had his hands behind his back, his eyes scanning the hedgerow to see where the grave was, but it wasn’t until Rose pointed it out that he actually noticed it. The headstone was small, Peter wanted to question it, but when he looked to Rose’s face, no words came to his lips. It was clear that Rose was waiting for his reaction, and he thought it redundant to keep her waiting.

Rose watched as Peter took a step forward, her heart in her throat, and he crouched down.

‘Little Posey.’

Peter placed a hand on the grass in front of the stone, just above where she was buried. When Rose saw Peter’s hand touched the ground, the grass compressing underneath the weight, she felt something jolt inside of her. Hearing Peter say her daughter’s name, their daughter’s name, something she didn’t know she was missing materialised. She stared at the back of Peter’s head and felt weak, he was the father of her baby, and he was saying goodbye like she had.

The light rain continued to fall, but neither Peter nor Rose felt the need to run inside for cover. Peter stood tall next to Rose and they gazed upon their daughter’s grave together, Rose thought the day would never happen. To further prove that the rain was no bother, Peter brought an arm around Rose’s shoulder, then kissed her on her brow, it being slightly wet from the raindrops. It was a sweet gesture, one that Rose melted into, and she brought a hand to his back to grasp the fabric of his shirt. He was the father of her child, he was in her arms unlike her child was, but Rose felt warm.

The evening was pleasant, Rose felt like she was looking upon Peter with a new-found emotion, somewhere between love and relief; the secret she had kept for so long, one she thought she’d never be able to share with him was known. Peter asked a few questions about Posey when they went back inside, looking from the picture to her when Rose explained how she cried, the colour of her eyes and the mewling sounds she made when she settled down to sleep. There wasn’t much to tell, due to how short a life she lived, but Peter could understand that everything Rose said came from deep within her heart and was etched in her memory. Peter expressed his sadness in not being able to be there during that time, but didn’t let it put a shadow on their evening.

They made dinner together, all the while sharing stories and enjoying each other’s company. There was no mention of Posey after Peter had asked his questions, they moved on to memories from when they were younger. Rose was starkly reminded of the time when they’d gotten shouted at by Mr Fitzgerald when they got caught stealing from his apple tree, it was much funnier in remembering it than when it actually happened.

When the time came for Peter to go home, they shared an extended goodbye. Peter had pitched in and helped clean up, but time was ticking on and Peter expressed that his mother would be wondering where he’d gotten to.

‘Even though I’m an adult now, she still treats me like a child at inconvenient times.’

‘It’s because of what happened, you can’t blame her.’

Peter brought a hand up to cup Rose’s cheek, and a shaky breath left her lips. At the feeling of encouragement, Peter leant down and placed a chaste kiss on the corner of Rose’s lips, one that she didn’t see, but only felt. Unknowingly, Rose had brought her hand up to grip onto Peter’s sleeve, she couldn’t stand without swaying from light-headedness.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Peter’s voice was sensed through Rose’s skin, it made goose bumps rise along her neck. Rose watched from the doorway as Peter retreated into the night, and the goose bumps were still in place as he turned the corner and disappeared.

Rose didn’t realise how late it was until she checked the time after closing the front door. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen, eyes of the frame that was still on the table, and exhaustion set in. No matter how heavy her body felt, however, her mind was alight with rapid thoughts and emotions.

Rose wasn’t sure if it was because she was in a different environment at the house, or if it altered her thinking, but she desperately wanted Peter’s company. They were adults, they didn’t need to have curfew’s, she wanted to spend the whole night together. Rose found it frustrating that Peter had to go home to his parents, but was then reminded that they had spent the same amount of time apart from him like she had, then felt guilty over it. She wasn’t the only one who had been without him for all that time, then thought herself second best to his parents in having him for company, there was no need to fight over him.

Sleep didn’t come easy for Rose that night, not with knowing that she was going to spend the day with Peter again. Her body felt heavy when she eventually woke the next morning, like she was weighted to the bed. Above her, light filtered through the curtains, and when Rose strained her ears, she could hear the absence of rain pattering on the window. It would’ve been muddy outside, but Rose wanted to walk through the woods, and hoped that Peter would be up for it.

They had decided to meet for mid-morning in the village, but Rose was ready by nine sharp. There was no cleaning to do, she had gone through her list that she ticked off like usual, so she sat in the kitchen with a pot of tea. Rose sipped languidly, trying to make the most of the one pot, and she stared out of the window. As much as Rose tried to focus her mind on one thing, like what she was going to make for dinner that night, or the time she had to leave the house the next day to get the train, she kept bringing her arm up to check her wristwatch every five minutes.

The time got to quarter to ten, and Rose felt like she was losing her mind; It was almost torture to wish time along. However, just when Rose thought of an upstairs cupboard she hadn’t yet sorted through, there was a knock at the door. Due to the surprise she got, Rose couldn’t think who would be at her door so early in the morning. When she opened the door however, a smile immediately appeared on her lips when Peter was waiting on her doorstep.

‘Please forgive me, but I was ready early, and thought you might be too.’ Peter put his hands up in mock surrender, making Rose laugh in relief.

‘You were right. Come in.’ Rose held the door wide for Peter to walk through, and her heart felt full that he was just as keen to see her like she was to see him.

‘Shall we go for a walk today? Like old times, through the woods?’ Rose was too keen to put her idea forward to Peter, but the raised eyebrows he gave her in reply made her second guess herself.

‘The woods!’ Peter smiled teasingly. ‘Not with these shoes on. Bloody expensive, I tell you.’ He lifted his feet up to prove his point, and Rose looked down. They did look expensive, the shine on them was so great, Rose could see her reflection.

‘Oh, uh, what shall we do then?’ Rose tried not to sound disappointed, she made an effort in not letting her voice waver.

‘Still go for a walk, but through the village, not through mud.’

Rose couldn’t complain, the low moment didn’t last, not when Peter’s grin lasted on his lips and made her forget. The cupboard was forgotten about, as were the tea things. Peter linked Rose’s arm through his, and they strolled into the village.

Despite the dry weather, the village was quiet, there wasn’t any distraction or need to hide from anyone, Rose had Peter all to herself. She listened to him talk more about his time in London, it seemed he had a story for everything.

‘And the house we’re in is huge, great for parties. We’ve been told to not use it for parties, but what can you do?’

‘Why aren’t you allowed to have parties?’ Rose asked. Her arm was still linked with Peter’s and when she looked down, she smiled to herself when she realised they were walking in sync with one another.

‘Not our house, it’s Marco’s uncle’s. He can be a nasty bastard sometimes, so we’re on our best behaviour when he comes to inspect the house.’

‘And you still want me to come to London.’ Rose muttered sarcastically. She felt Peter turn his head to look down at her from the side, but Rose kept her gaze on the ground, following their footsteps.

‘Would you ever consider it, truly?’ Peter asked. Rose lifted her head to stare in front and gave his question thought.

‘Well, I don’t know, I do know of someone that lives there, so it wouldn’t be like I was moving to a completely foreign place.’ Rose thought of Ada, who had moved to London with Freddie and Karl, and for a quick moment, thought it would be nice to see them again, whether it was just visiting or moving to the area.

Peter cleared his throat pointedly, which made Rose turn her head up to him. With his other hand, Peter gestured it along his body, making a point of reminded Rose that he too lived in London.

‘And you, of course.’ Rose smiled.

In the quiet of the village square, Peter felt like a good moment arose between the two of them. He wanted to breach the subject of London again, but further into what he wanted to discuss rather than talking lightly. He stopped them by a far stone wall and unlinked his arm from hers, then rested his body back against the stone.

‘Can I tell you what I think? You don’t have to go with what I say if you don’t want to.’ Peter asked, he placed his arms across his chest. Rose nodded her head, she thought there was nothing to lose in hearing what Peter had to say.

‘I’ll be blunt, you have no family left in Birmingham anymore. I know you said your parents threw you out, from my point of view, sod them.’ Peter shrugged his shoulders as he cursed Rose’s parents. ‘How I see it, you have nothing to lose by coming to London, there’s so much going on. I think, after all you’ve been through, you deserve to have fun.’

Rose stayed silent, but kept her eyes solely on Peter. She didn’t know what to think, no one had tried to convince her to move on from her parents, she didn’t think she needed to move house because of it. However, when Peter put it in his own words, that she had no family left in Birmingham anymore, it stirred something inside of her.

‘Talk to your friend in London, see what they think. You already know what I have to say on the matter.’

The thoughts lingered with Rose all day, she came away from her weekend away more confused than she went into it. She wasn’t to know that Peter would push the idea on her, Rose had never given London a thought before, but with how enthusiastic he seemed on the matter, she thought it best to value her options.

Peter was right, Rose didn’t exactly have any family left in Birmingham, but she thought about trying to make things right with her parents when she got back, just to see where the land lay. To think of how they’d react, Rose thought that if, once again, they made their feelings clear that she wasn’t welcome, it would be wise to think about moving on from them.

There was one glaring thought that Rose couldn’t settle with. She assumed her family didn’t want to know her, and Peter had put it that she had nothing to lose by going to London, but she’d be moving away from Tommy. There was no doubt that Tommy had been the one to look after Rose after her parents threw her out, making sure she was safe, but he had done so much more than that. He had promised her a job and delivered, had trusted and respected her as an individual when he found out her parents had betrayed him, it couldn’t all be from thinking she was a good person. They had shared a night together, one that seemed foggy in the past, but it still meant something to Rose.

Yet, there was a persistent thought that Rose could have more if she went to London. She was bargaining with herself that there truly wasn’t anything to lose. The more Peter talked about London, not just the partying, but the opportunities that she could have, the more enticing it sounded. Not only did she want to see what else there was for her, but the chance to be around Peter and spend more time was him felt too good to pass up.

Rose didn’t feel like she was looking for a new chapter in her life, but it felt like one had been placed in the palm of her hand. It was like chasing a feeling, one that she hadn’t felt since she was sixteen, and it felt stupid to admit it. The possibility of having so much more in London, with Peter, was exciting. Nerves settled in her stomach when she thought about it, but they were the good kind of nerves, the ones that fluttered up her chest and gave her anticipation for what was to come next.

\-----

As soon as Rose got home from her weekend away, she wrote a letter to Ada. She had to ask Polly for the address, but if it roused suspicion on her end, she didn’t end up saying. Rose worded the letter wisely, but she guessed that Ada would be the last person that would question her intentions in enquiring about London.

It was only a few days after the letter was first sent that Rose got a reply.

_Rose,_

_I’m so sorry hear that your parents reacted in such a way to finding out about Posey, damn them for backwards thinking and not putting you first. I hope my family looked after you well enough like you said, they can be a pain in my arse sometimes but they have their moments._

_I never knew you were interested in London before, it’s nice to hear that you aren’t confined to Small Heath alone. There are several places that I can think of that would take you on, sometimes there are streets full of boarding houses, I’ll send along a few housekeepers to contact, worth applying to a few in-case spaces get taken quickly. Also, if it’s of any interest to you, I can look for vacancies for accountants or anything of the like for you, but that’s not me presuming anything._

_Even if you don’t end up moving to the city, it’ll be so lovely to see you again, Karl is getting so big now, he celebrated his first birthday just recently. Seems mad that just a year ago I gave birth, he’s finding his feet now and he’ll be even more of a terror._

_Let me know what you decide soon, I’ll look forward to getting your reply._

_Love, Ada._

The list enclosed with Ada’s letter had six different contacts, and since her evening was free, Rose got to writing letters for all of them. There was no point in waiting to get the ball rolling, in Rose’s mind, she wasn’t working to a time limit, Peter hadn’t given her a set date in which he thought she should move up. Rose still hadn’t made her mind up completely, she had yet to face her parents.

It was something Rose wasn’t looking forward to, and had eventually avoided the idea the entire first week she was back from the house. It was disheartening to think that every time Rose thought she had the courage to see them, it disappeared as soon as she imagined seeing their front door. Despite all the fears in seeing them again, Rose felt that she had to see them one last time.

Rose gathered the courage one evening after work, she said her goodbyes to Arthur, breathed in deeply and walked the familiar route home, except it wasn’t her home anymore. Rose steeled herself, the house wasn’t her home, but her parents still lived there, and where her next home would be was resting on her parent’s reaction to seeing her face. Months had passed since Rose had seen her parents, auntie Edna’s funeral had been in late spring, and as Rose walked through Small Heath, she could feel the beginnings of winter bite at her fingertips. Rose wrapped her coat around her body tight, the icy breeze around her face was doing enough to distract her from the sick feeling in her stomach.

A thought struck Rose before she had reached the front door, she presumed that her parents wouldn’t want to speak to her on the front door step, not with how they last saw her off. Instead of heading out onto the street, Rose went through the alley and to the back door of the house. It was a less formal way of seeing them, but it would save the instance of Rose being shouted and humiliated on the street.

It was late in the evening, Rose was sure her parents were upstairs in the kitchen, but she persisted in knocking loudly enough for them to hear. She knocked for the third time, but ceased when she heard footsteps getting closer. Rose sucked in a breath, she brought her hand to her body tightly and thought she’d start shaking when the lock unlatched.

The door was opened, and it was Rose’s father. Never one to give emotion away, his face was blank when the door was opened and remained so when his eyes settled on the person knocking at his door.

‘Please, I just want to talk.’ Rose’s voice was soft, like she was pleading, she really wanted to try and find common ground.

‘And what could you possibly say to make things better for yourself? I think that you’ve done enough damage.’

As much as Rose wanted to argue and blame her father for everything, Rose had to be the calmer one out of the two. ‘Please, I know you’re upset about it all, but I want to explain myself.’

‘Explain what? I … we have to live knowing our daughter’s a whore.’ Henry spat, and Rose swallowed thickly. Rose had never heard that word being used before, not to her face. It was coming from her father’s mouth though, and she tried not to let it affect her mind.

‘She was your granddaughter.’

‘Keep your voice down!’ Henry hissed, raking his eyes over the other houses, as if everyone who lived in them were at their windows listening in to their conversation. ‘Don’t you say those words to me. At this rate, I don’t have a daughter.’ And with that, the door was shut once again.

Rose didn’t want to feel frustrated, she didn’t want to feel weak, but there was a strong urge to start pounding on the door to get her father’s attention again. It was unfair, so unfair, they were her parents, and they didn’t want to hear her speak, to see her face, to acknowledge her as their own. Tears threatened to fall, but without thinking, Rose kicked over a metal bin by the door, the horrible contents spilling out onto the cobbles. If Rose’s conversation didn’t get the attention of the neighbours, the clattering of the metal would’ve done the job.

Rose stormed back to the boarding house, thinking many times over what she would love to say to her parents if she ever saw them again. The rage fuelled her all the way home, she didn’t feel the cold like she had before, but a chill caught her when she walked up the steps to the boarding house door. That was it, Rose had gone to see her parents’ reaction, and they had shown her what they thought. She couldn’t help feeling that Peter had been right, there was no one left in Small Heath for her, not family, which felt like another reason to go to London.

A few more days were spent wondering what to do next, a few replies came back from the boarding houses in London confirming they had places and encouraging her to write back and authorise a room. With so many places to choose from, and the possibility that Ada might be able to find her work, Rose felt the itch to confirm the move. However, there was one last person she wanted to speak to before taking the plunge.

To prepare herself in seeing Ms Harding, Rose took a bottle of whiskey from behind the bar at the Garrison, remembering to put the pennies into the till. Arthur wasn’t around when she did so, Harry was, but he kept his mouth shut. The whiskey was to act as a bribe, it was a cheap trick, but Rose thought it would be a successful one. After she said goodbye to Harry, Rose walked to Watery Lane, she knew the way like the back of her hand. Rose didn’t think to use the front door, using the same logic as she did with her parents.

It felt wrong to walk through the backway, like that was all she was worthy of doing, but Rose had to think tactically, especially since she had been shown the door the last time Rose had seen Ms Harding. It was late in the evening, most people were settling down to go to bed, but Rose knew that Ms Harding would be sat by her fire, and that the door would be unlocked, such was her habit.

Rose’s guess was right, but she felt wrong in opening the back door without an invitation. She braced herself when her gaze fell onto the shrouded form of Ms Harding, sat in front of her fire like normal. Her head was turned to the door when it opened, seemingly not worried that something was entering her house without warning. There was no need to worry, obviously, as Rose’s intentions weren’t bad, and Ms Harding’s face remained sour and tight when she realised who had entered her home.

‘Ms Harding, I know it’s late, but please …’ Rose said faintly, her hand gripping the neck of the bottle tightly, the cool glass now warm from its touch. She saw that Ms Harding’s eyes flicked to what was in her hands, then back up to her.

‘I feel like there’s no one left to talk to, please.’

‘What about those Blinders?’ Ms Harding had moved her gaze back to her crackling fire, but Rose tried not to feel discouraged.

‘That’s what I wanted to talk about, sort of. Please, I brought you something.’ Rose brought the bottle forward, as if presenting it to Ms Harding, although she already knew it was in her hands. Ms Harding turned her head slightly, then nodded.

‘Sit down, Rose.’

Rose did as she was bid, and took the small wooden stool next to Ms Harding. She placed the bottle on the table next to Ms Harding, then kept her body tight as she sat down, feeling the warmth from the fire straight away.

‘You wanted to talk, so talk.’ Ms Harding said. Despite her sounding cold, Rose had been given a silence in which to fill, and since there was no one else to talk to, she wasn’t going to miss her chance to get everything off of her chest.

‘I think I’m moving away to London.’ Rose kept her eyes on Ms Harding, she watched her stare into the fire. It felt less intimidating to share her words with someone who seemed to not be listening to her. ‘I’ve been in contact with a friend there, she’s helped me find somewhere to live, and she’s helping me find a job.’ Rose neglected to mention who the friend was, even though Ada was married to Freddie Thorne, she would’ve been seen as a Shelby in Ms Harding’s eyes.

‘Is that so? Thought that Small Heath’s too small for you now?’ Ms Harding moved to the side to uncork the bottle of whiskey Rose had given her, then poured a liberal amount into the teacup she had previously been using.

‘It’s because of someone … someone I knew when I was living with my great aunt. He went away to war, and he’s only just come back,’ Rose thought there was no need to mention the finer details, to end up creating more questions than necessary. ‘He lives in London now, and he says how good it is, and that I should move there.’

‘I hope he’s a nicer man than Tommy Shelby.’ Ms Harding’s voice was low and gritty, and Rose sighed. Rose knew it wouldn’t be long until his name cropped up, but she didn’t want to start a fight about it.

‘We were sweethearts, before he went away. He’s done well for himself.’

‘Do your parents know of this?’

‘No, I tried to talk to them, but … that’s why I came to you. I hope you don’t mind.’ Rose said, not wanting to feel like she had put Ms Harding under any pressure to talk to her, it wasn’t her fault that she wanted someone to talk to.

‘I don’t mind, Rose. You just remind me of something I think of, however.’

‘What’s that?’ Rose asked.

‘I think, is it that every child leaves their parents? It happened to me, it’s happening to your parents.’

Ms Harding was only sharing her thoughts, but Rose’s heart ceased a beat for a moment. She wanted to agree with the older woman, not because she knew that her children never spoke to her anymore, but because her own child had left. It was in different circumstances, but the sentiment rang true. Rose lowered her head and felt her throat hurt, she urged herself not to cry, not at that moment.

Ms Harding turned her head to look at Rose finally, not that she saw. ‘I think it’ll be a good thing, Rose. Create a new life, try for something better. I can be an old crone sometimes, but I know you deserve more than you’ve been dealt.’

Rose felt like that was enough. She thanked Ms Harding for seeing her, then left Watery Lane. Rose had heard everything she had wanted to hear, but that was the trick, as Rose knew that Ms Harding wouldn’t talk about Tommy in a nice way. It was cruel to think, but Rose felt like she had to distance herself somewhat from Tommy to be able to make the move to London. Tommy was the only thing that tied her to Small Heath, but since he was on his own, and so much more was waiting for Rose in London, she knew that she had to try something new.

\-----

Everything had been planned, Rose had confirmed a place in a boarding house, a place in Islington, and Ada had even forwarded a few accounting jobs, all Rose needed was to provide a reference. It seemed like there were no kinks in the plan, all Rose had to do what hand her notice into work, which she thought would be the hardest thing to do.

The letter was tucked into Rose’s handbag, but she eyed it constantly when she settled into the office. The Garrison hadn’t opened yet, Arthur and Rose were there to set up and get ready for the day. Rose had planned to give it to Arthur at the end of the day, but knowing it was just a few feet from her, Rose couldn’t keep it there. She stood, sighed heavily and neatened her clothes out of nerves, then took the letter from her bag and went out onto the main floor.

Arthur was busying himself with a stock count, unaware that Rose had the intention to talk to him. Rose steeled herself, she though it ridiculous to feel so nervous, but she kept her wits about her.

‘Arthur, do you have a moment?’ Rose’s hands felt sweaty, so she held the envelope with the tips of her fingers so to not spoil it.

‘Course Rose, what’s up?’ Arthur moved from behind the bar, leaving his list on the counter. He sat on one of the barstools and gestured for her to do the same, all the while eyeing up the letter in her hand.

‘It’s … it’s my notice. I’m moving to London.’ Rose swallowed. She saw how Arthur’s face changed, he brought a hand to smooth over his moustache and he went silent for a moment.

‘I’ll work the next two weeks if that’s alright, and then I’ll be off.’ Rose made it sound so simple, but it felt much harder than that.

‘Are you sure about this, Rose? London’s a big place, much bigger than Small Heath, and I wouldn’t want you unsafe in that kind of city.’ Arthur’s voice was low, he hadn’t even looked at the letter yet, he stared into Rose’s eyes to gauge her reaction to his words.

‘You don’t have to worry about me, Arthur,’ Rose smiled, ‘I know people there. Like Ada and …’

Rose almost said Peter’s name, but thought it unnecessary. She didn’t miss the longing look Arthur gave her as she left her sentence open ended, but he didn’t want to make her say anything she didn’t want to, he just nodded his head slowly.

‘You’ve been a good worker, Rose, I promise to write you a blinding reference.’ Arthur smirked.

‘Thank you, Arthur.’

Arthur sensed that Rose was trying to put on a brave face, for whatever reason she needed to, and tried his best to keep her spirits high, despite the circumstances. ‘We won’t get another accountant like you, I won’t be forgetting you in a hurry.’

Arthur watched Rose go back into the office, there was no more that needed to be said between them, not with the envelope in his hands. It wasn’t an exact predication, but Arthur felt like something was going to happen eventually, since he noticed the shift in Tommy’s attitude to Rose. He wasn’t sure what happened, he had thought to ask Polly if she knew anything, but second guessed himself, thinking that it was best to stay out of such matters. However, the notice meant more than gossip, and Arthur went straight to Watery Lane with the envelope in hand, knowing it was an urgent matter.

Polly was sat in the kitchen, taking tea and reading the paper, but she turned her attention to Arthur when he placed the letter in front of her.

‘It’s Rose’s notice, she’s off to London, Polly.’ Arthur put his arms behind his back and looked sincerely to Polly. She looked up with a curious expression, then opened the envelope, not saying anything as her eyes scanned over the contents. Once she’d finished reading, she sighed heavily.

‘That’s a shame, she’ll be missed, bless her.’

‘What’s that?’

Both Arthur and Polly hadn’t noticed that Tommy had appeared at the open green doors, he had lingered just long enough to hear Polly’s words. He saw that they gave each other a look of caution, but he wasn’t going to leave without getting an answer first.

‘Rose is moving to London … at the end of the month.’ Arthur admitted. Tommy saw that they watched him with a look of concern, they were waiting for his reaction, but he didn’t like it.

‘Make sure you write her a good reference, and … perhaps a token of our gratitude, thanking her for her service to the company.’ Tommy spoke with a steady tone, surprising himself that he was quick to think of something decent to say in the moment. He flicked his eyes to Polly, and secretly loathed that she was looking at him with a sympathising expression.

‘Right, I’ll think of something, Tom.’ Arthur cut through the silence and excused himself to go back to the Garrison, and Tommy didn’t hang around long enough in the kitchen to hear what Polly had to say.

Tommy strode back to his office, but felt a faintness in his head, one that he didn’t like. He took a seat behind his desk to steady himself, he ended up staring at a non-descript point in the wall, he was trying to sort through the mess in his mind. Tommy didn’t want to admit that he was upset, not even to himself, let alone to Polly. It made sense in his mind that Rose had decided to move on, the dinner they had shared together played over in his mind more often than he liked, and he knew that something had to come of it. That eventuality didn’t include him, however.

Tommy let out a sharp sigh and leant back in his chair, the sudden thought of saying goodbye to Rose entered his head, and even at that moment, Tommy knew it would be tough. To say goodbye to her, possibly forever, made him regret that he never took his chance. Tommy took pity on himself, and wondered if he had lost Rose forever.


	12. Part Two | London Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

Rain was beginning to cloud up the streets and alleyways of Small Heath, Tommy thought it was fitting, since it was the day that Rose was to leave for London. He sat in his office alone, bringing a cigarette to his lips with every other breath. No one else was up yet, the house was silent apart from an intermittent creaking from upstairs, but Tommy was dressed and ready for the day.

Tommy had the day marked in his calendar as soon as he found out Rose was moving to London. There had been a few instances when they saw each other in the two weeks since, but they were in meetings and only in situations that involved the business, Tommy hadn’t yet found the right words for her of a personal nature. Rose ended up beating Tommy to the punch as she had seen him after one meeting to explain in person that she was moving away. There was no anger, Tommy could tell that Rose found it difficult to talk about the move, so he spoke softly in return, wishing her thanks for her work at the company and that he hoped she would succeed in London. This soothed Rose’s mind enough as far as Tommy could tell, but his mind was far from feeling calm.

As Tommy took the final drag of his cigarette, he heard the noise of someone coming down the stairs. Tommy only moved his eyes to glance over, keeping his head still, in fact, his entire body was still now that his cigarette had been put out. If anyone walked passed his office, they wouldn’t notice that someone was in there, but the person coming down the stairs knew that Tommy would be up at the early hour, and have confined himself to his office where she knew he did all his contemplation.

Polly flicked her eyes over to see through the glass of Tommy’s office. It was early, but there was no doubt in her mind that on the day of all days, Tommy would be up and lamenting on what was to happen. The cool light of the morning was just bright enough for Polly to see that Tommy’s blue eyes were trained on her. The sight didn’t dampen her intentions, in fact, it only encouraged her to do as she had meant to. With her eyes still on his, Polly crossed the room and opened the door.

‘Good morning, Thomas.’ Polly spoke softly, but her tone seemed loud in the eerily quiet morning.

‘Pol.’

Polly crossed her arms over her chest, she wanted to kick Tommy up the backside and tell him off for being so moody, but she couldn’t do it. Despite taking things as they came, Polly couldn’t help think that it was a shame that Rose was moving away. A shame in the sense that Tommy would end up being a nightmare to be around, simply because Rose wouldn’t be in a one-mile radius of Small Heath. Polly would actively avoid Tommy when Rose went away to the house, but there would be no avoiding him once the day was over.

‘Are you coming with me to see her off?’ Polly asked. Before Tommy even opened his mouth to answer, Polly knew the outcome of her question, but thought it would be gracious to let Tommy answer for himself.

‘No.’ Tommy blinked slowly, then focused his gaze onto the ash tray. The end of his cigarette was stubbed out, and Tommy watched the plumes of smoke rise from it.

‘Yes, you will.’

Tommy flicked his gaze back up to Polly, holding his tongue long enough to hear what she had to say.

‘Don’t let her go without saying goodbye, it’ll torment you more than you know.’

Tommy wanted to huff, tell her she was wrong, say that nothing would bother him that much, but he knew it’d be a lie. Tommy reached for his cigarette carton again, lighting up just moments after the previous cigarette, and he saw that Polly’s gaze followed his movements. Still with having said nothing, Polly uncrossed her arms and sighed, then took the seat in front of the desk. She leant forward, trying once again to make Tommy see sense.

‘Tommy, just once, do something for someone else.’ Polly started. Tommy was already thinking of several counter arguments, but Polly raised her hand in a motion to desist him.

‘Rose would be upset if you didn’t see her off. You’ve been through so much, don’t leave on bad terms.’

Silence lapse between them when Polly stopped talking, Tommy was being persistent and Polly was losing her temper. Tommy breathed in slowly then let out a long sigh, and he nodded his head slowly. This was enough for Polly, she stood up abruptly and left Tommy staring at his desk.

‘I’m leaving in ten minutes.’ Polly said, leaving the office door open. Tommy heard the sound of Polly’s heel get fainter, and when he looked up, the green doors had been closed behind her.

In truth, Tommy did want to see Rose, but hated the idea that it would be the possible last time. Rose hadn’t said anything about her future plans, all Tommy knew was that she was to go to London; she hadn’t said anything about coming back to visit, or how long she’d be there. Tommy hated the uncertainty of it, but there was a part of him that wanted Rose to be reminded that even though her parents weren’t welcoming her anymore, he and his family would be there for her. He knew it wouldn’t be enough to convince her or make her comfortable enough to stay.

With no one able to see him, Tommy reached into his desk drawer and took out the black leather box. No matter how much pain it had given him, Tommy couldn’t hate looking at it, simply because he still had the images in his mind of Rose wearing it. The delicate, pink gem glistened in the morning light, and Tommy could imagine how it would look on Rose’s finger, the image seemed so sharp in his mind. Polly shouted Tommy’s name, and before he left to join her, the ring was placed back into the box and was slipped into Tommy’s coat pocket.

Rose was waiting for Polly at the entrance to the train station, but she wasn’t expecting Tommy to accompany her. Rose had already said her goodbye to Tommy, it was in Watery Lane with the other Shelby’s where she thanked them all for giving her work and helping her when she needed it. Although the thought was there, Rose hadn’t gathered the courage to speak to Tommy alone, especially as he had been smoking in the background, seemingly uninterested in what she was saying. There was no hiding from Tommy that time.

‘Hello, love.’ Polly smiled, leaning forward and kissing Rose on her cheek.

‘Hello.’ Rose said through a strained smile. She turned her head to look at Tommy, feeling slightly awkward that it was the three of them together, the air seemed tense between them all. Rose was comfortable with the idea that Polly would be the one to see her off, she hadn’t expected that Tommy would turn up as well. Before she could say anything, Tommy cleared his throat and picked up the suitcase that was by Rose’s feet. With it in his hands, he walked past Polly and Rose and went through the station to get to the platform, still not having given any indication that Rose was there to leave.

Polly gave Rose a small smile and brought an arm around her body so they could walk together, and Polly was biting her tongue, feeling the urge to mutter something smart on Tommy’s behaviour.

Tommy was standing on the platform, his back to the door he had just walked through, and his eyes were on the train in front of him. Despite the urge to, Tommy fought against putting a cigarette into his mouth to calm his nerves. He knew that if he reached into his coat pocket, there was a chance his fingers would brush against the black leather box.

‘Tommy?’ Rose’s soft voice came from behind him, and Tommy turned slightly to see that she was looking at him expectantly. When Tommy look over his shoulder, it was clear that Polly was giving them space by lingering at the door, Tommy didn’t know whether to be thankful or not.

‘You have everything?’ Tommy asked. Rose nodded, but the atmosphere between them was palpable, and Tommy had to be truthful with himself, and to Rose.

‘Will you come back? To visit?’

Tommy felt like he could melt at the sight of Rose’s kind eyes, and it only occurred to him then that he wasn’t going to looked upon by Rose for a long time. He clenched his jaw and tried to recover himself, but there was no need, as Rose brought her arms around his shoulders and held him close.

To savour the moment, Tommy brought his head into Rose’s neck, and he didn’t care if Rose noticed that he breathed her in. It was hardly like she was going to war, just three hours down the road, but to Tommy, it felt awful. Tommy wondered if Rose could feel the small leather box in his coat, and wondered for a mad moment if he should propose right then and there on the platform, but it was a ridiculous idea. Rose was moving onto bigger and better things, with Peter. Tommy didn’t want to spoil the moment by thinking of him, so returned his attention to Rose.

They parted eventually, both of them holding back the strongest of emotions they had felt for one another. The embrace would have to do, as Tommy felt like he had so much to say to Rose, but there was the gnawing feeling that Rose wouldn’t want to hear any of it. She was young, younger than him, she had more waiting for her in London than here, and Tommy was jealous.

Polly walked up to Tommy when Rose boarded the train, and he was holding his breath, hoping that she wouldn’t say anything. He knew Polly had an opinion she wasn’t afraid to share, and the fear that she could say something snide had him shifting from one foot to the other. As soon as Tommy saw that Rose had sat down on the train, he turned, his coat billowing out in the sharpness of his turn, and he left the station.

With the engagement ring burning a hole in his coat pocket, Tommy paced to his regular spot by the cut, under the bridge and to the other side, where it was quiet and he could be alone. He had only breathed in and out sharply, not daring to take his hands out of his coat pockets, his fists were balled tight. Tommy stopped suddenly, just a few paces from the water’s edge, and it was then that Tommy relaxed his fists, feeling the tension leave his hands and the strain from his arms. He lit a cigarette, but the long drag didn’t do anything to calm his nerves. The smoke mixed with the plumes of air the cold morning affected, Tommy couldn’t tell if he was breathing anymore.

Tommy felt like he had missed his chance, truly missed it. There was no doubt in his mind that Rose would enjoy what London had to offer her, so much more than Small Heath did, and she’d be tied to the city for the rest of her life, never having reason to come back.

After Tommy had lit his cigarette, he returned the matchbox to his coat, but a hand brushed the leather box once. The feeling made him jolt, like the wind was knocked out of his chest. He let go of the matchbox and grabbed it hastily and took it out of his pocket, then his gaze moved over to the still water of the cut. Tommy thought of the instance where he could throw the box into the water in front of him, he wouldn’t even need to use much power behind it. He could see it in his mind, it would cause a splash, nothing too great, then ripples would form, then the water would be still again, as if nothing had happened, the box’s existence gone.

Tommy’s fingers on his left hand held the cigarette, but it went forgotten about, since the object in his right hand was of more importance. The leather box was flipped from side to side in anticipation, it couldn’t be still with the nerves running through Tommy’s body keeping him on edge. In the end, however, Tommy couldn’t do it. To dissuade the feeling, Tommy sighed and crouched down, the leather box being put hastily back into his pocket. His free hand ran over his face then through his hair, and he exhaled loudly. Even though the cigarette had hardly been smoked, he flicked it into the water, rather that than the leather box.

Tommy watched the small ripple the cigarette caused, and his chest felt heavy. By that time, Rose was on her way to London, on to better things, leaving him in Small Heath. To think that she was truly gone made Tommy feel slightly sick, and the only thought that Tommy could muster to calm himself was that Rose still had the necklace he gave her the previous Christmas. He hoped, willed, that Rose would continue wearing it to remind herself of him.

\-----

Rose took the journey to London with a sense that she was truly leaving something behind. She willed tears away from her eyes, knowing that to think of the specific thing would make her upset and yearn to go back, and she had to convince herself that there was so much more for her in London. However, the more Rose tried to distract herself, the longer the journey seemed to be taking.

It was strange to hear Tommy sound so genuine, the will in his voice made Rose’s heart clench, never having heard him so vulnerable. Matters were made worse when Rose looked for Tommy through the compartment window, she thought that he might’ve stayed to see her off, but it was only Polly standing there. Rose wondered if it was due to the palpable tension between them, perhaps Tommy couldn’t bear it, but Rose then thought of something worse. It was selfish to think it, but she wondered if Tommy wasn’t interested in her anymore, as if what they went through in the past two years no longer mattered to him. Tommy had never said the word love to her, but that didn’t mean there weren’t feelings towards one another. Rose thought that perhaps she should’ve been responsible for herself, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world if she had said the word love first.

Rose remembered that she had said to herself, a very long time ago, that there was no point falling in love with a man who didn’t love her back. She knew that she couldn’t make the same mistake like last time, foregoing the normalities of a relationship and diving head first into lust. Rose would’ve been happy to leave that relationship in the past, but as Peter had made a reappearance in her life, it wasn’t to be forgotten. She and Peter were at the early stages of rekindling their friendship, and unfortunately, that left Tommy in the dark somewhat. Rose couldn’t see it as a terribly bad thing, especially as she was so unsure about what feelings, true feelings they had for one another.

Rose knew in her mind that she wanted her next love to be for real, to not be formed in haste or desperation, to have true meaning and strength, and to last until she died. There wasn’t a part of her that wanted to go through the ordeal she had before, there was no way of thinking that would be alright for her, the mental torment would’ve been enough to go mad. Rose reasoned that was why she hadn’t said the word love to Tommy, she wasn’t prepared to have her unrevealed feelings quashed. Keeping them to herself meant that she wasn’t allowing herself to get hurt, and that was the driving point behind her moving away.

As a way to hide the feelings further, Rose refocused her mind onto what was ahead in London. Rose had written ahead of her arrival to companies that were hiring accountants, she had a few interviews lined up for the next few days, but there was also time for Rose to explore the city, to explore her new home. It felt strange to say it, but London was to be her home, not Small Heath, not Derbyshire, but somewhere that could be entirely her own. Rose believed that this was the proper step into her adulthood, she knew Ada would be there to help her, and Peter was in the city as well, but Rose would get her new job on her own merit through her previous hard work. There was no family to rely on, nor a more than professional relationship with her boss, Rose was to go at it on her own.

The first obstacle Rose had to see for herself was arriving at King’s Cross Station, she paid diligent attention to the signs that led her out of the building, then she rustled around in her purse to pay for a taxi; Rose didn’t think that she was ready to take the buses just yet. Along with her coins, a small scrap of paper was in her purse with the address of her new home, a boarding house in Islington, owned by a Mrs Walker, who Rose had been in correspondence with. Rose hoped that she was friendlier that Mrs Mason, who hadn’t cared in the slightest that Rose had left her charge.

Even though Rose trusted the taxi driver, and was sure that the address wasn’t wrong, she felt nervous in being left on the pavement in front of one of the terraced houses, they all seemed to look the same. The number was directly on the front door, there was no mistaking the number eighteen, and Rose had to hope that she was at the right place. There was no Tommy to lead her to her room, she was on her own.

With the large suitcase gripped in her hand, Rose breathed in and walked the ten paces from the pavement to the front door step. She used the brass knocker, thinking it loud on the seemingly quiet street, and soon enough, the door was opened.

‘Hello?’ The lady who answered the door said. Rose didn’t have any time to take in her features, as she produced the small scrap of paper with the house address on it to hold in front of her.

‘Mrs Walker? I believe you’re expecting me. I’m a little early, though.’

‘Rose Alexander? Of course, come in, it’s bloody freezing out there today.’

Rose had to assume that the lady was Mrs Walker, and felt relieved that she seemed so nice. Rose also detected the cockney accent in Mrs Walker’s voice, and she realised that it would be a big change from hearing the Birmingham accent she was used to back in Small Heath.

‘Can I see the conformation letter I sent you, love?’ Mrs Walker asked. Rose had predicted that the paper would be needed and had put it in her handbag for easy access. Rose handed the paper over, and she watched as Mrs Walker took the glasses hung on a chain around her neck and brought them to her face, quickly scanning the words.

Rose got a quick look at Mrs Walker in that time, and just by looking at her, knew that she’d be easier to get along with compared with Mrs Mason. Her skin looked warn by the sun, it was much darker than other people she had met, and Rose wondered if London had better weather than the rest of the country, or perhaps Mrs Walker had lived in a nicer climate for a while. The wrinkles by her eyes were prominent, but her eyes seemed bright, it offset the warn look she had.

Once the letter had been read and Mrs Walker was happy that Rose was who she said she was, they walked up the stairs together, all the while Mrs Walker gave an enthusiastic speech about the history of the house, and the facilities that were local to it. Rose paid great attention, not wanting to seem rude, and took note of the local cafes Mrs Walker was mentioning.

‘Like we said in the letter, you’ll have one of the front rooms, overlooking the street. It’s all fresh and clean for you, so I’ll leave you to unpack.’ Mrs Walker beamed at Rose, and then promptly left.

The room was similar to the old room, Rose thought, all the normal furniture was placed tidily around the room. She walked over to the big window and looked down at the street, thinking how odd it was to not see Birmingham anymore. Everyone who walked by on the street were just going about their day, and it dawned on Rose that no one knew who she was. She wasn’t the daughter of the undertaker, she wasn’t an employee of the Shelby’s, she was her own person. It felt strange thinking that she had somewhat of a blank identity, like she could rewrite herself in London, truly start something new.

Rose tore away from the window and looked back at her new room. She knew within time, it would begin to feel like home, just as the previous boarding house had. She walked to her bed and lifted the lid on her suitcase, it was full to the brim with all her belongings, the most important being tucked away in the middle, surrounded by all the fabric of her clothing. It was what Rose wanted to place first, the frame that she always had by her side. It had been placed on the window sill in her old room, and her new room in London would be no different. Leaving her clothes half strewn across her bed, Rose took the frame in both hands and walked back over to the window. Rose put it in its rightful place, and despite not knowing how well London would go for her, the frame that stayed by her side made her feel better, simply because of what it meant to her.

Once the frame was in place, Rose went about putting away her clothes. She took care with her best pieces, the nicer dresses were saved till last to hang, and the shirts and skirts she knew were best for interviews were folded and hung with great care. Rose still had a few items to put away when a knock came at the door. Rose smiled at Mrs Walker when she let herself in, thinking it amusing and slightly annoying that she welcomed herself into the room without an invitation.

‘I hope you’re settling in well, Rose. I forgot to mention earlier about mealtimes.’ Mrs Walker started. ‘Breakfast is always at eight in the morning, no matter it being a weekday or the weekend, and dinner is at half-seven. We like to sit down together as a household, but know that it can be difficult sometimes. My husband and I are quite lenient on sit down times if you’re busy with work.’

Rose nodded and gave a strained smile to Mrs Walker, thinking that there was nothing wrong with the terms she was relaying. She remembered that Mrs Mason was very strict on mealtimes, strict to a fault where she’d sometimes reluctantly hand over a plate of food if a girl was even five minutes too late. A more lenient dinner time was a good thing to hear, it wasn’t as if Rose was a child anymore and had to adhere to silly rules.

Mrs Walker gave a pointed look around the room, seeing that Rose was making an effort to settle herself in. Just for her first day in London, Rose hoped that Mrs Walker wouldn’t have made herself a nuisance.

‘A move is always such a big thing, I hope you have everything you need already. If not, you know I’m just downstairs to help.’

Rose strained another smile, but then watched Mrs Walker’s eye line. Mrs Walker went from gazing around the room to looking over at the window sill. Rose’s heart dropped, the only item of hers that had been put up was the frame, and it seemed to have caught Mrs Walker’s attention.

‘Oh, who’s that?’ Without being given permission, Mrs Walker walked the distance to the window and peered down at the frame, Rose was ready to snatch it out of her grip if she decided to pick it up.

Rose started towards the window as well. ‘Oh.’ Rose had to think quick, there was no way she could’ve told the truth. ‘My sister … and her baby.’

Rose watched, hoping that Mrs Walker wouldn’t notice the sweat breaking out on her brow. When Mrs Walker looked over her shoulder to meet Rose’s gaze, Rose brought her lips into a thin line.

‘She looks just like you.’ Mrs Walker smiled, seemingly oblivious that the girl in the picture was actually the girl she was renting her room out to. ‘Where do they live?’

Rose believed this warranted another lie, and said, ‘They died, a few years ago.’

It was enough to stun Mrs Walker into silence, she blinked hard and straightened her back, hands linking behind her back. ‘That’s awful. At least you have the lovely picture to remind you of them.’

Mrs Walker didn’t outstay her welcome after that, as the atmosphere grew weary between them both. Rose carried on with putting away her things, but she eyed the frame up every now and then. She felt that there was a stark difference between the room in Small Heath and the room in London. The frame wouldn’t have even been mentioned by Mrs Mason, all Rose would’ve got was a stern look, but it would’ve matched all the other stern looks Mrs Mason gave. The context of the picture would’ve remained private, simply because Tommy owned the house Mrs Mason owned, and he wouldn’t have allowed trouble for her.

There was no one to fall back on in London, and Rose had to come up with that story as a way to protect herself. Rose wondered if she would have to start lying about the picture for the rest of her time in London, that she could never have it out on display and enjoy it’s true meaning. Rose didn’t even know how long she was going to stay in London, there was no way of knowing if it would be her permanent address. It would’ve been one of the greater challenges to get through, not sharing it’s meaning with anyone.

There was no time to wallow in any sadness about the frame, as Rose was busy for the next few days, travelling all over Islington and beyond to attend interviews. Mrs Walker had given Rose a brief overview about the bus routes, but in the end, Rose had to get the hang of it herself, learning all the new street names and different areas within the borough. In the end, Rose travelled as far as Camden Town for an interview, and it was at the law firm on Arlington Road that Rose was successful in her interview. Her short stint of being unemployed was no longer, Rose was deputy accountant in the finance department, and there was cause to celebrate.

Since Ada was one of the people who encouraged Rose to move to London, she made sure that she was looked after when she arrived. Ada lived in a flat not far from Rose’s boarding house, and at the first instance Rose got, she followed the address one evening, with a bottle of rum to celebrate.

It just so happened that Ada was the first friendly face Rose had seen since she had arrived at London, having not yet seen Peter. That thought was pushed out of her mind when Ada smiled and welcomed her into her small flat, and Freddie walked through one of the doors with Karl in his arms.

‘I brought this with me, thought we could all have a glass.’ Rose said, feeling more at home with every second.

‘That’s lovely, Rose. And we thought you might want to see little Karl before he goes to bed.’ Freddie said, looking from his son over to Rose.

‘Not so little anymore.’ Rose breathed a laugh, and she took one of Karl’s little hands in her own.

‘Look, it’s auntie Rose here to see you.’ Freddie smiled. Rose didn’t realise the weight of that comment until much later in the night, in the moment, she was just happy to be around familiar people.

‘The rum is also celebratory.’ Rose announced, and Ada gestured for her to take one of the seats by the fire. ‘You’re now looking at a deputy accountant, I start on Monday.’

Ada gave a kiss on Rose’s cheek and brought her into a quick embrace. ‘Well done.’ She smiled. ‘Look at you now, there’s no stopping you.’

‘I’ll just put the lad to bed, pour me a glass, will you?’ Freddie said, and Ada nodded at his request.

With the two women alone for a few moments, Ada went ahead with asking what she had previously been worrying about. As she poured three glasses of rum to the side of the room, she looked over to see Rose gazing into the fire, and she wondered if there was anything behind her sudden quietness.

‘You look great, Rose. I just want to know if you feel good as well. If the move is doing you any good?’ Ada walked over and passed one of the glasses Rose’s way, which she took. Rose knew the meaning behind Ada’s question, and stared at the amber liquid in the glass rather than making eye contact.

‘It’s a strange one.’ Rose uttered, not knowing how to put her thoughts into words.

‘Do you miss it?’ Ada asked, and Rose lifted her head to see her, to see the familiar face, one that slightly resembled her older brother.

‘Some of it.’ Rose admitted. ‘But I’ve only been here a few days, and there are things I’m glad I’ve left behind.’

‘No matter what you’re feeling, you have to know that I made the move too, and I’m doing great here. You have me to come to if that’s what you need, just a friendly face to cheer you up.’

Rose knew that Ada was being truly genuine, no pretence behind her words, and was thankful for it. It was great thinking that the move was a mark of her growing up and growing more as a person, but to go through it alone would’ve been scary. There was no shame in having someone to talk to like Ada, someone she trusted.

Still having not seen Peter since Rose left him at the house in Derbyshire, there was no time like the present to do so. That chance came quicker than Rose expected, as Peter went to the boarding house to see her, something he hadn’t discussed with Rose beforehand.

Mrs Walker knocked on Rose’s door that evening to tell her that a man was waiting for her downstairs, and the quick thought of Tommy being in the front room waiting for her crossed her mind. It was ridiculous to think that way, and when Rose saw Peter with his hands behind his back and a smirk of his lips, she felt wrong to have thought that way. Mrs Walker closed the door behind her, leaving Rose alone with Peter.

There was no awkwardness, Rose didn’t know why she thought there might be, as Peter walked forward and kissed her on her cheek.

‘I’m sorry I haven’t seen you yet, I feel so bad. Work’s been busy, you know how it is.’ Peter reeled off his excuses, but it wasn’t a concern of Rose’s.

‘Don’t apologise, we’re both adults, jobs get in the way sometimes. I’ve been meaning to see you myself, but when I went to the house yesterday no one was in.’ Rose said. Rose had taken a chance the day before, not having arranged definite time to meet up. Her risk hadn’t panned out, but that didn’t bring her down in the slightest.

‘When you start your job, you’ll have a proper schedule to keep to, then I’ll know when to see you.’ Peter smiled. In the warm light of the front room, Peter’s features looked soft, it was something Rose noticed and smiled to herself about. Not only were his words charming her, but his looks as well.

‘I start Monday, at a law firm.’ Rose said, hoping that Peter would be happy for her like Ada and Freddie had been.

‘Look at you, clever Rosie.’ Peter smiled. ‘Is it around here, anywhere I know?’

‘No, I have to travel a bit, unfortunately, but it was the best job going, so I wanted to take it.’ Rose explained. ‘It’s in Camden Town, on Arlington Street, it seems really nice there.’

‘As long as you’re sure about the commute.’

‘Well, if it ends up being that bad I’ll just leave, but the manager seems really nice, and it’s a higher position than I was expecting.’ Rose didn’t know why she felt defensive about her decision, it was Peter who had wanted her to move and work in London, and it seemed that the first job she got, one she hadn’t even turned up for work for yet, Peter was doubting its legitimacy.

The look on Rose’s face was obvious to Peter, and he didn’t want her feeling like he wasn’t supporting her. ‘I just want everything to be perfect for you. I’m so impressed that you’re here, the job needs to go right so the move was worth it, you know?’ Peter brought a hand to Rose’s cheek, using the back of his knuckles to stroke softly against the skin, an action he knew she’d appreciate.

Rose felt that she would let Peter get away with anything if he continued to touch her in such a way, but their moment wasn’t to last long, as Mrs Walker knocked on the door. Peter’s hand was brought back to his body, but as Mrs Walker tried to nosy her way into their conversation, mainly talking about the time in which Peter thought to arrive, the two shared knowing looks with one another.

It wasn’t until after Peter had left that Mrs Walker shared her opinion on late-night visitors, saying that anyone after eight in the evening was frowned upon. Not wanting to get off on the wrong foot, Rose insisted that there wasn’t anything to worry about, and that Peter was just a friend from London who was excited that she had moved there. Mrs Walker nodded slowly, not completely convinced by Rose, but the matter was dropped when she ushered Rose up the stairs to bed. It felt strange being ordered about, even in a jesting manner, but Rose did as she was told.

Within a few days, Rose’s routine began, and she was making herself busy with work. Rose left much earlier on the Monday to get to work on time, she had underestimated how many buses ran passed the street outside the boarding house. The building wasn’t even open yet, so Rose, amongst the morning commuters, walked along Arlington Street to see what else there was. The office building wasn’t near the high street, but Rose could hear the Camden market as she took slow steps along the pavement, and thought against seeing how bustling the market was. There were a few cafes down Arlington Street, some already opening up and serving tea, and since Rose hadn’t brought any lunch with her that day, she remembered one to go to that day to eat.

Soon enough, the offices were opened, and Rose started her first day of work. Her manager, Pauline, showed Rose around to all the departments, then settled her at a desk. Everyone was polite and welcoming to Rose, and she realised that she hadn’t been nervous in the first place, not getting on the bus or walking into the building, but nerves grew when she met the other office girls. They were her age, some even older, but she was their deputy. Rose had to remind herself that she was suited that the role of deputy, that’s why she was hired in the first place, and not worry too much over how old the other girls were.

When Rose began her first lot of work, everything came flooding back in her mind. Sequences of numbers, orders of filing, and there was a small thought in the back of Rose’s mind as well. Nothing, to her knowledge, was done through illegal means, Rose didn’t have to fudge any numbers to account for any illicit behaviour. It wasn’t something she’d mention to those who were asking where she used to work, all Rose told them was that she used to work in a pub. Not all the girls were convinced by it, however, but Rose never said more than was safe.

By the time lunch presented itself, Rose thought to go about on her own, not wanting to rely on the others in the office to force themselves to be friendly to her. She was checking her purse whilst still sat at her desk, not noticing that two girls were approaching her slowly.

‘Hello, Rose, isn’t it?’

Rose lifted her head quickly and smiled hopefully. ‘Yes, it is.’

‘Anne and I were wondering if you were doing anything for lunch, it being your first day and all.’ The girl asked. Rose felt her heart swell at the notion of being asked and she stood from her chair.

‘I was thinking about going to one of the cafes outside…’

‘We’ll join you, if that’s alright? I’m Gillian, I forgot to say.’ Gillian gave a nervous laugh, and Rose felt that she had warmed to her already.

The three went out together, Rose felt slightly awkward at first being the third in the group, it was clear that Anna and Gillian were already firm friends, but they made a good effort in including Rose in their conversation. They went to one of the cafes on Arlington Road, and Gillian and Anne spoke about the sort of things they got up to on the weekends. Since it was nearing the Christmas period, they recalled memories of going out for drinks and spending New Year’s in one of the many clubs in the city. Rose had to hide her shock at some of the stories they were remembering, and wondered if she’d ever get the courage to dance and drink the night away like they seemed to do. Rose was reminded of Peter saying that the girls in London knew how to drink, and she wondered if Anne and Gillian were the kind of people he was talking about.

Rose left her first day of work in a good mood, the work had been as expected, a little challenging in places but that came with her new title of deputy, and Anne and Gillian were treating her well. The first week flew by, Rose was beside herself at how easy it was to fit in, not just in the office, but in the boarding house as well. Rose found out that a girl called Vera worked on Arlington Road as well, and they started taking the same buses in the morning together. Rose was finding that making friends was a lot easier than she first thought.

It was a good thing that Rose had new friends to rely on, as Peter seemed to have made himself scarce. It wasn’t until two weeks after Rose had last seen Peter that he made an appearance again, once again blaming work as the reason he hadn’t made the time to see her. As a consolation, Peter had said that he’d been working odd hours, being up to work at night rather than in the day, and Rose was inclined to believe him due to him always being so cryptic about his job. Yet, Rose still felt like she was owed more than Peter dishing out another excuse.

‘Why can’t you just tell me what you do, Peter?’ Rose asked, with a small laugh to make her question seem light-hearted. Peter raised one of his eyebrows in faux suspicion.

‘If I told you, I’d have to kill you.’ Peter said with a smirk. Rose only shook her head in slight annoyance, but smiled at how coy Peter was being.

Something Rose hadn’t planned for was the Christmas period. All the girls at work were talking about going home to families, as were the girls in the boarding house, but Rose didn’t have any family to go back to. People would act surprised when Rose would say that she was staying in Islington for Christmas day, but she didn’t let it get to her. Rose thought that she’d have a nicer time in the boarding house with Mrs Walker and her husband than going back to Small Heath and being with her parents. Mrs Walker had already said they’d could spend the day together, as she didn’t have any children on her own; Christmas dinner would be cooked and served, as well as drinks in her own sitting room, a place that was usually out of bounds for the boarders.

Rose had to make do with what she had, not thinking that it was her place to complain, but to make the day go easier, she had been invited to Ada’s flat for the evening. Rose had been promised that it wasn’t going to be a wild party, just a gathering of people to enjoy the occasion, and Rose felt like she needed it after spending the day with Mrs Walker.

Ada’s flat wasn’t bustling, but Rose didn’t know anyone there. A slight wave of apprehension came over her, she hadn’t yet been seen by Ada or Freddie, and wondered if she could get away with sneaking out and going back to her room. Rose chided herself for thinking like that, it would’ve been rude on her part, so she tried to engage in the conversations around her.

It wasn’t like a regular Christmas party, with rowdy people singing along to carols and eating as many mince pies as possible, but a more civilised affair. People were holding drinks in their hands, there was the soft sound of music in the background, and Rose felt suspicious at the lack of festivities.

‘Hello, love!’ Ada’s voice distracted Rose, and she didn’t have to pretend that she was listening in to the group of people she was stood by. Ada brought Rose into an embrace, careful not to spill her own drink.

‘Merry Christmas, Ada.’ Rose said, feeling relieved that she saw a friendly face. When it was just the two of them, Rose thought to ask, ‘Is everyone here a communist?’

Ada gave a small laugh and nodded her head. ‘I think so, yeah,’ she smiled, ‘are you enjoying yourself, where’s your drink?’

‘I haven’t got one yet.’ Rose replied.

‘Come on.’ Ada said, and took hold of Rose’s hand to walk her through the crowd of people to the table of drinks. Ada filled up a small glass with whiskey and handed it over.

‘Drink up, everyone will liven up a bit once they start throwing back the booze, it’s not the kind of celebration I know my brother’s will be throwing.’ Ada said, and it left Rose thinking about the Shelby’s, something she had hoped to avoid doing.

‘It can’t be worse than last year, what was it you did?’

Rose could remember exactly what happened the previous Christmas, the memory of it was around her neck. Rose had never stopped wearing the necklace Tommy had given her, not only was it a beautiful piece of jewellery, but it also held the memory of Tommy himself. Whenever she put it on in the morning, Rose thought of Tommy, and the same happened when she unclasped it in the evening. Even with the distance between them, wearing the necklace didn’t make her feel sad that Tommy wasn’t near her, she had gotten used to the idea of being apart, but it was a nice memory all the same.

The night carried on, Rose managed to find people to share small talk with, but it never livened up like a party would back in the Garrison. It was a quieter event, and even though Rose found herself missing some of the craziness of a Shelby gathering, it was good enough to not regret going in the first place.

Christmas day was classed as boring compared to New Year’s Eve. Not only were the girls at work convincing Rose to go out to a club, it would’ve been the first time in her doing so, but Peter was trying to persuade Rose to spend the night out as well. Rose didn’t know what to think about spending the New Year’s with Mrs Walker, and thought she had nothing to lose by going out and enjoying herself. Peter had already said there was a party going on at a club he worked for, one close by in Islington. With the girls at work wanting to go out for the evening, Rose passed along the message that an event was happening, and she’d make sure to put them all on the list, something that Peter had told her he could do.

It was late in the evening when Peter arrived to pick Rose up, she had been told by Mrs Walker that since it was a special occasion, she was allowed to stay out late, only if she didn’t make any noise when she came back in the early hours of the morning. Rose hadn’t planned on drinking that much in the first place, not wanting to lose control of herself in a place she’d never visited before.

Peter arrived in a car, and Rose could see from her bedroom window that he wasn’t the one driving it. It impressed Rose to no end that Peter was living a completely different life in London, on another scale of luxury compared to when they were younger in the village. She didn’t let him wait outside for long, and double-checked that her key was tucked away in her small purse.

The car itself was swish, and Rose felt her cheeks start to ache at the constant smile she wore on her lips. Peter didn’t miss a thing.

‘You looking forward to tonight?’ He asked. Rose turned to face Peter, the smile never waned from her lips.

‘Yes, I’ve never been to a club before.’

‘Good, I’ll show the ropes.’ Peter smirked. ‘And you asked your lot at work, didn’t you?’

‘It was the Eden Club, right? That’s what I told them anyway.’

‘Yeah, their names are on the list, you won’t have to wait outside for them to turn up. I’ll take you in and get you dancing straight away.’

The car pulled up in front of the grand marble entryway, and with the doors already open, Rose could see that the party was in full swing, even with it just gone eleven at night. Peter took Rose by the arm and guided them into the club, the men at the door nodded to him as they walked by, they didn’t need their names checked to be allowed entry.

The club was alive with loud jazz music, everyone dressed in smart suits and glittery dresses, Rose didn’t know where to look first. With her eyes scanning around the room, she didn’t see Peter greeting the men dressed in the smarter suits, the ones Rose had been told were made specially in Italy.

With a tap on her arm, Rose was taken out of her daze and brought over to the bar. She was about to ask for a dark rum, but before either herself of Peter could talk to the barman, he rushed to them to present two glasses of champagne. Peter took them both and handed one over to Rose.

‘Take a sip, see what you think.’ Peter said, and eyed her as Rose brought the glass to her lips. Rose had never tasted champagne before, only ever being accustomed to rum and sometimes a tot of gin, but champagne was delicious. Rose thought it tasted like fruit, it was slightly dry, and she went in for another sip.

‘Don’t drink it too fast, you’ll go white at hearing how much a bottle costs.’ Peter said. Rose took smaller sips after that, not wanting to waste the good drink.

The night was wild, wilder than the previous year at the Garrison. Gillian and Anne arrived with other girls from work, and they all started dancing like mad women to the fast-paced music. Rose had never let herself go before, not truly, but as she danced with her new friends, she felt it was something she could get used to. Peter even made an appearance on the dancefloor at one point, and it was as if all worries and problems were forgotten, her attention was solely on Peter, and Rose was surprised at how well he could dance.

When the clock struck midnight, everyone in the club found a partner. Peter hadn’t stayed far from Rose, and when the countdown begun, locked eyes on her and walked over. Rose was three glasses down in champagne, and although her gaze was slightly blurred, she kept her eyes on Peter as he approached her. Their lips locked, Peter held Rose in a tight embrace, so tight that Rose felt her necklace pinch her skin.

\-----

The excitement of Christmas and New Year’s calmed as soon as January hit. The taste of the expensive champagne wore off quickly, but Rose still remembered the kiss. It hadn’t been like the kisses she had shared with Peter when they were younger, it was brazen and passionate, something that Rose thought she had been needing. The girls who worked in the office hadn’t been blind to the kiss, and as soon as they started work in the New Year, Rose was receiving questions left, right and centre about who her mystery kisser was.

Rose told the story of how she knew Peter when she was younger, that they were sweethearts but Peter had to go off to war, and the girls were putty to every word. Rose received gasps and breaths of sympathy, they were impressed and surprised by how sweet but sad their story was. Rose neglected to mention the other side of the story, knowing it wouldn’t have been clever to reveal her true past.

Not only were the stories of Peter enough to make the office girls go giddy, but he had started appearing at the office at least once a week to take Rose for lunch. Rose’s desk wasn’t near a window that faced the street, so she would be called over by one of the typists.

‘Rose, your knight in shining armour has arrived.’ Gillian would announce, and not only would Rose go to the window, but most of the other office girls as well. They’d pile together by the window, and when they looked down, Peter would be leaning against his car, waiting for Rose to meet him for lunch. The girls would huff and say how jealous they were that there wasn’t a dapper, young man waiting to take them to lunch.

‘Rose, if I were you, I’d make moves to make yourself official, don’t want to miss out on the opportunity, he’s such a gentleman.’

Rose would only laugh off those comments, and never said anything in reply to them. She wasn’t sure if she liked the girls at work talking about Peter in such a way, even though it was meant to be friendly banter, but the thought stayed in her mind as she went to lunch with Peter that day in particular.

Rose hadn’t thought about marriage truthfully, she had only just moved to London, she didn’t think she needed to go through another big step in her life so soon. Rose even doubted if Peter would be thinking of her in such a way, he seemed too comfortable in his bachelor ways to want to settle down. However, he still made the effort to see Rose once a week, much to the enjoyment of the office girls.

With the comments still ringing around her mind, Rose thought to go to the person who had offered her wisdom before. Rose arranged a time with Ada to meet one lunchtime, a café halfway between where Rose worked on Arlington Street and where Ada worked at St James Square. Like the situation was with Peter, there weren’t many times in the working week that Rose could see Ada, but she was desperate to hear her opinion on the thing that had been bugging her for so long.

‘How’s the job going?’ It was one of Ada’s first questions, and in Rose’s mind, one of the easiest to answer, for she knew the conversation was going to get deep soon enough.

‘I really like it, I’m surprised at how much I’m enjoying it.’ Rose said, glossing over any finer details, they weren’t important at that time.

Ada smiled. ‘That’s great, I’m so happy for you, Rose.’ Ada’s face softened, and Rose was thankful for the genuine compliment. However, Rose couldn’t hide that there was something else to say.

‘I’ve been thinking … about Peter, I don’t know.’

Ada became concerned quickly, but Rose diffused any worry before she could speak.

‘He’s not done anything bad, I suppose that’s why I’ve been thinking.’ Rose admitted. Ada furrowed her brows, not sure where Rose was going. It was then and there that Rose had the opportunity to explain herself properly, to take her internal thoughts and cohere them into words.

‘When he’s there with me, it seems like he can’t do anything wrong, he treats me so well.’ Rose smiled to herself, but it wasn’t something Ada missed. ‘He takes me out to lunch sometimes, the girls at work seem to swoon over him, more so than I do.’

‘Seems perfect.’

Rose quirked her brows her up quickly. ‘It would be nice to think that, but … it’s like …’

‘Too good to be true?’

‘I don’t want to sound ungrateful or mean, but …’ Rose trailed off, she was finding it hard to articulate her words.

Ada rolled her eyes and brought a hand across the table to hold onto Rose’s, grabbing her attention. ‘Rose, you’re young, there’s no need to be worrying about men now.’

‘It’s not that I’m worried, it’s …’ Rose huffed, it was harder than first thought. However, in that moment of silence, Rose realised what she had been trying to say that entire time.

‘I don’t want to lose him again.’ She admitted. ‘I had thought he was dead, and I’d come to terms with that. But now he’s back, he seems to be doing so well.’ Rose sighed, lowering her head slightly. ‘But I can’t get those thoughts out of my head. The ones where Peter will go away and I’ll be told he won’t be coming back.’

Ada stroked her thumb softly over the skin of Rose’s hand, feeling the torment that was going through her mind. ‘I can’t say I know what it feels like to go through what you did. It was a situation that no one would be jealous of. But here you are, living your life, you’ve gone through so much since you came back to Birmingham, and now you’re not even living there. Men aside, just think about yourself, and how far you’ve come.’

It wasn’t the sort of words that Rose was keen in hearing, but she daren’t ask the question she wanted the answer to. Rose knew how far she’d come since moving back to Small Heath, but her personal growth wasn’t what concerned her.

‘I don’t think you should rush into anything you’re unsure about. Let the girls at work swoon over Peter, but it’s not like they have a history with him like you do. Just enjoy him, and yourself, no pressure.’

Rose left the lunch feeling more confused than before, she supposed that it wasn’t right to talk about everything with Ada because of the ties she had to the man she was confused about. With that in mind, Rose began to reel off her thoughts to herself, to see if she could make sense of them.

The question Rose had been wanting to ask Ada was simple, Peter or Tommy? Ada had endorsed the life of not worrying about any men, but that wasn’t how Rose saw it. It wasn’t as if she couldn’t go a few weeks without any male company, she had enjoyed spending time with Tommy when it was good between them, and likewise with Peter when he found the time to see her. The thought of Peter not being there anymore, disappearing like he had many years prior, had her worrying. Yet, Rose didn’t want to rush into anything serious with him for the sake of it, just to replicate what they had before.

Rose remembered her time with Tommy, it had been something good, but there was always a hurdle that they seemed to fear overcoming. Plus, the biggest negative Rose reminded herself of was the career that Tommy had. Rose had even been involved in some parts of it, with having to hide Tommy when the inspector was looking for him, and dealing with Tommy when the secret about her parents became known. Rose was sure that there would be no problems like that with Peter, even though she was still in the dark as to what he truly did.

Then there was Peter, who was young like she was. Tommy couldn’t help that he was older than Rose, but she thought that it wasn’t just age that meant he was more understated, but because of the responsibility he had on his shoulders as well. Peter wasn’t a head of any company, nor was he a gangster of any kind, so he still had his playful and cocky attitude. Yet, Rose liked both of those personalities, and it made it harder for her to understand how she truly felt.

To make matters harder for Rose, Peter had insisted on taking her out to dinner, but not anywhere normal. Peter had made it known that Rose was to be taken to one of the best and most expensive restaurants in London, since he knew the owner. Peter wanted to impress Rose to no end, and that meant sending her an outfit, one he had picked out himself.

The expensive packages had been waiting for Rose after work, and some of the girls in the boarding house were keen to find out what was inside. Rose had ensured them that she would show them as soon as she put it on that Friday evening, her words were to bar any of them going into the room with her, which Rose suspected that some of them were inclined to do.

The dress itself was beautiful, Peter hadn’t been ungenerous in the quality. It was floor length, luckily Peter had also bought heels to increase her height, bringing the dress off the floor about an inch. The colour was a sapphire blue, close to black, and embellished with golden beads along the chest and waist, flowing in lines down the length of the skirt. Rose wondered if the golden beads were real, she wouldn’t have been surprised at Peter not worrying about the expense of it. The top half of the dress wasn’t too revealing, Rose’s arms were covered with mesh sleeves, the same colour as the dress, but her chest was revealed with the plunging neckline. Even though it was a dinner with Peter, Rose clasped Tommy’s necklace around her neck, and the small, golden rose tucked into the valley of Rose’s breasts. She felt slightly uncomfortable with so much skin exposed, but wearing the necklace made her feel as if she was covering some skin.

Peter had also sent a coat to go with the dress, one that Rose wasn’t too happy about. She had her own coat, it was nice enough, but then she bargained with herself; her coat probably wasn’t the right kind to wear at a fancy restaurant. Peter’s coat was black velvet, with a big, black fur collar and colourful flowers embroidered at the trim. Although Rose had never felt so beautiful in her life, the clothes she was wearing probably cost more than she could comprehend, she did feel awkward. Rose wanted to chastise herself at thinking such a way, all she had to do was enjoy the night and company, so when Peter pulled up, honking his horn to get her attention from the bedroom window, Rose breathed in and willed herself on.

The girls in the boarding house were wishing her to have a good night, cooing and gasping at how beautiful the dress was. Rose had only put a small amount of blush on her cheeks, but that didn’t matter when patches grew from how shy she felt. Rose ignored the girls watching by the windows as she walked out to meet Peter, but Peter smirked at the attention they were getting.

‘You look beautiful, too stunning for words.’ Peter said through a smile, jesting slightly to raise a smile on Rose’s face. It worked, and Rose felt herself blush further when Peter reached forward and placed a kiss on her cheek. Like a gentleman, Peter opened the car door and ushered her inside, he was careful not to trap her dress when he shut the door.

Rose wondered if they were going to the Eden Club for dinner, but Peter drove them in a different direction, it was his way of keeping her on her toes. Rose kept an eye on the street names, and recognised that they were heading towards Covent Garden. When they pulled up to the front of the restaurant, Rose’s mouth hung open, the place looked decadent and luxurious.

Peter looked over at Rose, gauging her reaction. ‘What do you think?’

Rose turned her head to face Peter, mouth still open in amazement. ‘I … it’s …’

‘Come on, little Rosie.’ Peter said before he stepped out of the car. Rose followed, but a wave of apprehension flowed through her stomach, and when she felt Peter’s arm link with hers, she gripped onto him tight.

‘Nothing to worry about,’ Peter leant down to talk into Rose’s ear, ’just follow my lead.’

Rose couldn’t imagine what was going through Peter’s mind, but a look up to him told Rose that it was something he’d done many times before. There were no nerves, Peter didn’t have anything to worry about, simply because he was an old hat at wining and dining. The atmosphere of old money and new money coming together was something Peter thought he was used to, and enjoyed the experience of it.

The host, a man dressed in a fine suit that Rose was sure matched Peter’s, took their coats in the lavish entryway, and Rose remembered how exposed her chest was from the dress. Peter quirked his brows up in a playful manner, then his eyes went down to the necklace hung around her neck.

‘Wow, where’d you get that from?’ Peter asked, and he brought his hand up to hold the rose between his fingers.

‘Oh, just a friend.’ Rose said flippantly. When Peter pulled his hand away, her own hand went up to hold the jewellery in her hand. The answer seemed to please Peter well enough, and as they walked to their table, Rose kept her hand to her chest, holding onto the necklace for comfort.

The host stood by the chair Rose was to take, holding it by the back for her to sit in, but Peter ushered him away quickly so he could do the honours. When Rose was placed at the table, Peter put his hand on her shoulder for a second, bringing her attention back to him. Rose looked up as Peter held his gaze to her, the gentle light of the restaurant softened Peter’s features, it seemed she was always reminded of how handsome he was.

Rose wasn’t to stare at Peter for long, as the waiter approached their table with a bottle of champagne. Rose eyed up Peter and the waiter as the drink was served, reminding herself that they hadn’t even ordered a drink yet, but thought that it was customary for Peter to receive the drink whenever he appeared at the restaurant. Rose thanked the waiter when he gave her a full, bubbling glass, and waited for Peter to drink his.

‘Cheers.’ Peter brought his flute over the table to clink against Rose’s, and they took a sip. It reminded Rose of the champagne from New Year’s, and since they had the bottle at the table, resting in an ice bucket, Rose took another leisurely drink.

‘What do you think?’ Peter asked, and Rose nodded eagerly in a reply. ‘Only the best for us, Rose. I have the luxury of that privilege now.’

Rose wondered what Peter meant by his words, and took a moment to think as she placed the flute of champagne back on the table.

‘I do wonder, you know.’ Rose started, keeping her gaze from Peter so to not put her off. ‘I know your job is a secret, you can’t tell me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not curious.’

Rose only looked to Peter for a second and discovered that he wasn’t smiling anymore, but the waiter turned up again to their table. Rose looked up at the man, and realised in that moment that both she and Peter hadn’t been given menus to look over. There was nothing to worry about, however, as the waiter addressed Peter and he ordered for them both. Before the waiter left, Rose caught on to him calling Peter another name, Pietro.

‘What did he call you just now?’

Peter laughed nervously, it was the first time Rose had seen him less than confident in front of her. ‘Just Pietro. The waiter is a friend, I’ve been here a few times before, and it’s what they call me.’

‘Is Pietro Italian?’ Rose asked.

‘Yeah, it is. And if I’m Pietro, then that makes you Rosa.’ Peter’s lilt made Rose blush, it wasn’t a whisper, but butterflies suddenly bloomed in Rose’s stomach from his bewitching words.

‘I just like Rose.’ Rose said shyly, she felt heat rise up on her cheeks and chest, but she willed herself to not become shy. To regain her confidence, Rose tried to match Peter’s flirty nature.

‘You said you come here often, do you bring a girl with you every time, or am I the first?’

Rose had given it her best shot, but she realised there was no competition when Peter reached a hand over the white tablecloth to her own. Rose felt glued to Peter’s gaze, and her body seemed to melt when Peter started speaking Italian. Even though she had no idea what he was saying, he elicited the right reaction from her. When Peter finished speaking, Rose raised her eyebrows and shuddered breathily.

‘My dear Rosa,’ Peter said, translating his previous words to English, ‘of course, you are the only one.’

A smile appeared on Rose’s lips. ‘I love that you can speak Italian, it’s such a romantic language. How long did it take you to learn?’

Keeping his hand on Rose’s, Peter answered her question. ‘A few months. My mate, Marco, didn’t even bother talking to me in English, so I had to learn quick.’

Rose felt Peter’s hand leave hers suddenly, and tore her gaze away to see why. The waiter, who Rose swore had only just taken their order, had arrived with two plates. Peter had ordered them smoked salmon to eat, and it steamed hotly like it had just been taken off the grill. The waiter bid them to enjoy their meal, and once again, called Peter his Italian alternate.

Rose wondered if it was Peter’s appearance that warranted such excellent and speedy service. ‘I assume you know the kitchen staff as well.’

Peter smirked and let out a small laugh. ‘I have to impress you somehow.’

‘You could speak more Italian, I think that would so the trick.’ Rose teased, and she saw that Peter’s smirk grew. Encouraged by his playful behaviour, Rose waded into deeper waters, thinking it her chance to learn more about him.

‘What was Italy like?’ Rose then corrected herself. ‘When you were with your friend.’ Rose didn’t want Peter to talk about the war, thinking that it was probably a sore subject.

Instead of answering straight away, Peter took a mouthful of salmon, and Rose wondered if he was faltering. Usually, Rose would’ve retracted her question, not wanting Peter to feel awkward, but she thought that it would’ve been better to edge more out of him, so she could understand from his point of view. Rose watched as Peter swallowed, then looked to her with dark eyes, his usual sparkle had gone.

‘I suppose … all I can say is that it was worth it.’

Not missing a beat, Rose had another question for Peter. ‘What do you mean by that? Do you mean living in Italy was worth it, then working in London?’

Peter sighed. ‘Yes, all of it.’

Trying not to read too much into the loud sigh, Rose thought to explain herself further. She didn’t like the idea of Peter putting up a front for her. ‘I don’t mean to pry, I just remember that when we were younger, we’d tell each other anything.’

Rose tried to softened her voice to not annoy Peter, but when he looked at her straight on, Rose knew that he wasn’t too happy.

‘When I was younger, it was easier.’ Peter explained. ‘Things change, Rose, and I don’t like being asked about Italy or London. I’ve told you that.’

Rose wanted to take everything she had said back, it wasn’t how the dinner was supposed to go and she felt guilty in making Peter uncomfortable. She shifted in her seat and played with her food.

‘I’m sorry, Peter.’

What made the moment worse was that the atmosphere went silent between the both of them. Rose took a bite of her salmon, but had a hard time in chewing and swallowing it.

‘I know you’re sorry, Rose.’ Peter finally said, and Rose looked up at him with a thankful look on her features. ‘I’m sorry too. Let’s forget it and enjoy the rest of the night.’

Peter let a smirk grace his lips again, and Rose felt a breath leave her chest. Rose was glad that Peter had forgiven her, and Rose had to chide herself in remembering not to ask about Peter’s past. Before that night, Rose wondered if he just needed encouragement to talk about it, but she had learnt that wasn’t the case. She didn’t like the way he had spoken to her, then left the two of them in silence, so needed to avoid doing that again.

They found their flow of conversation once again, and Peter had Rose laughing in no time. He continued to speak in Italian when Rose asked it of him, and there were times Peter refused to tell her what he had said, telling Rose she’d go scarlet if she knew. Dessert was ordered by Peter, his excuse being it was the best one in the restaurant and she wasn’t to have any other. The chocolate cake arrived just a few moments of being ordered, and Peter took the fork into his own hand and took a piece. Not caring that there were others around them, Peter held onto the fork whilst encouraging Rose to take a bite. Rose was shocked at first, thinking it crude to perform such an action in public, but Peter wouldn’t let up. Slightly embarrassed, Rose let Peter put the cake into his mouth, but it soon didn’t matter that people could’ve been watching them, as the cake was divine.

When the dinner was over, Rose wasn’t even sure if the food had been paid for, or if Peter was allowed to eat for free. There was no discussion of money between them, Peter refused it. They retrieved their costs from the host, Peter holding Rose’s out for her to put on, and they got back into his car.

‘I want to show you my house, hope you don’t mind taking a detour.’

‘Oh, my landlady won’t like me being out too late.’ Rose said.

‘No worried, Rose, I won’t keep you from your beauty sleep for too long.’

Rose felt nerves rise again as Peter parked in front of his house, it would’ve been the first time she would’ve seen Peter’s house, the place he had parties in, Rose remembered. Like before at the restaurant, Peter held the door open for Rose, and took her by the arm as they walked to the front door.

‘Marco’s not in, he’s out with his girlfriend tonight, so it’s just us.’ Peter said, as he put the key in the door. A quick thought had Rose wondering if Peter had asked Marco to leave that night, and that Peter had planned for her to go to the house.

There was no time to worry about Peter’s motives when he opened the white front door and turned on all the lights. Rose had wondered what the house looked like, thinking a bachelor’s house might’ve been messy, or stark in furniture or decoration, but she was highly impressed. There was marble flooring throughout the hallway, a grand staircase with a polished bannister, and ornate coving on the ceiling, it looked more of a palace than a terraced house.

‘What do you think?’ Peter asked, once again watching Rose’s reaction.

‘It’s beautiful, you’re so lucky.’

Peter led Rose into the front room, and it was just as grand as the hallway. The fireplace was the biggest feature in the room, made out of white marble, it gleamed in the light emitting from the delicate chandelier hanging from the ceiling. As Rose was looking around the room, finding something new to gaze upon with every turn, Peter had walked over to the drinks caddy to prepare two drinks. When he started walking over, Rose turned to watch him, smiling as he approached.

‘Here.’ Peter said, and he handed over a delicate glass full of amber liquid. They took a seat on the soft settee together, and as Rose brought the glass to her mouth, she could smell that Peter had poured her whiskey, something she wasn’t partial to. To not seem rude, she took a small sip, and tried not to wince at the taste.

Peter reached forward to place his drink on the small table in front of them, then held his hand out to take Rose’s. With his hands free, Peter brought his right hand to cup Rose’s jaw, and Rose saw him smirk as he closed the distance, their lips eventually touching. With his other hand, Peter pulled down Rose’s coat, letting it slide off of her shoulder gently. Rose shuddered slightly at the sudden chill, but warm spots rose on her skin when Peter brought his lips down to her exposed shoulder and neck; Rose felt herself gasp when he nipped at her collarbone.

Rose was taken out of her daze when she felt pressure on her body, she refocused her eyes to see that Peter was pushing her to lie down on the settee, still attending her with kisses. Rose resisted being pushed, and Peter brought his head up.

‘No, Peter, stop.’

With his right hand, Peter stroked Rose’s cheek with the back of his knuckles, and he spoke softly. ‘What is it?’

Rose felt weak at the sensation of Peter’s warm fingers against her, but made her feelings clear. ‘I don’t want to do anything, not sex.’ Rose lowered her head slightly, embarrassed in having to use the word. ‘I’m waiting till marriage.’

To see his reaction, Rose looked up through her lashes. Peter was thinking about his answer, but there was something about the way his features settled that told Rose he was going to make a remark. They both knew that they hadn’t waited until marriage when they were younger, and Rose wondered if Peter would’ve respected her wishes that time.

To Rose’s surprise, Peter acted decent in her request.

‘Fair enough. Who knows, maybe we’ll get the chance to do things properly this time.’ When Peter was happy with Rose’s reaction, he leant forward and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

A few moments passed, Peter got up to put a record on the gramophone, and Rose realised that he had done it again. Rose had explicitly said the word to him, ‘marriage’, but even so, Peter had only said ‘properly’. As Rose watched from the settee, seeing Peter flip through the different records on the other side of the room, she was beside herself that Peter hadn’t taken the opportunity to even speak the word to her.

\-----

Rose was wined and dined a few more times, and winter soon turned to spring. Soon, working in the office and going out on the weekends were becoming the norm for Rose, she had her established group of friends that would somehow find a new place to go drinking, venturing further into the centre of London every time. As March came, however, there was one thought that Rose couldn’t let up. Her birthday was soon, not only did the thoughts of Posey slip into her mind, but the thought of not being with her parents. A fuss had never been made of her birthday before, Rose never relied on them for that, but there was a part of her mind that wondered if enough time had passed that the air might’ve been cooler between them both.

They hadn’t left on good circumstances beforehand, Rose’s father had slammed the door in her face, and Rose remembered that she had kicked over the rubbish bin in anger. However, Rose didn’t like the idea of not letting a chance go, it would’ve been a gamble to assume that her parents were ready to see her and talk through what needed to be said, but it was what Rose wanted.

Booking her train and hotel for Small Heath gave Rose apprehension. She was going back to a place with many memories, and they didn’t just lie with her parents. Rose had made sure not to completely cut ties with everyone there, and had felt relief in receiving a letter from Polly. Rose had written ahead to say that she was going to visit for a weekend, and had asked if Polly would’ve been free to see her. Not two days later, Rose received an encouraging reply, which made her heart swell. Just seeing Polly alone would’ve made the trip worth it, especially if her plan with her parents didn’t work out.

Rose also thought about going to see Ms Harding. They had left on better circumstances than her parents, and Ms Harding had been the one to encourage Rose to go to London. Rose doubted that her parents spent time with Ms Harding like she had, there probably weren’t many that visited her. Even if they ended up discussing things they disagreed on, Rose wanted to see her, to make sure that she was doing well.

As Polly letter had instructed, as soon as Rose settled in her hotel room that Friday afternoon, she was to go to Watery Lane. The thought gave Rose butterflies in her stomach, to think that she would be treading old ground made her nervous, but excited in the same breath.

Rose’s train arrived at Bordesley station, and Rose remembered that just a few months earlier she had said goodbye to Polly on the same platform. Not only Polly, but Tommy as well, the image was clear in Rose mind when she had looked for him through the window, but he had departed as soon as she had gotten on the train.

Rose was in two minds about seeing Tommy that weekend. She wanted to find out what had happened since she left by talking to Polly, but didn’t want to make it obvious that she was specifically asking after him. Rose had gone through scenarios in her mind, Rose would ask Polly how everyone was doing, how Arthur was getting on without her, then in a flippant way, she’d ask how Tommy was. Polly’s answer would then lead Rose to either avoid Tommy all together, or bite the bullet and make arrangements to see him. The thought excited and terrified Rose, she couldn’t imagine her reaction to seeing Tommy’s stunning blue eyes again.

Once Rose had unpacked her small suitcase in the hotel room she was staying at, she buttoned up her coat, not the one Peter had bought her, and headed out. The hotel wasn’t far from Small Heath, and Rose knew her way to Watery Lane. Being back in old territory made Rose smile, but she kept it to herself to not worry those who looked upon her walking down the street.

A familiar row of houses came into view, and Rose’s heart started to pound loudly in her chest. There were many times Rose down Watery Lane with the thought that Tommy could be in one of the windows, looking at her walking along the street. That time was no different, but as Rose flicked her gaze to all the windows, there was no one in sight. That didn’t mean he wasn’t there, however, and Rose wondered if he was inside, working away in his small office.

Rose knocked on the door, and not a second later it was opened. Rose beamed at the sight of Polly, and she returned the smile.

‘Oh Rose, it’s so lovely to see you.’ Polly said. She stepped out of the doorway and brought Rose into an embrace, placing a kiss on her cheeks. It was so nice to see a familiar face, Rose almost felt like crying from contentment.

‘You too, Polly.’ Rose felt herself choke up, so cleared her throat before emotions took over. Polly released Rose and took a step back, hands still holding onto Rose’s body and gazing at her.

‘Come on, the boys are in the Garrison, they’ll want to see you.’ Polly turned to fetch her purse from just inside, and she shut the door behind her. Polly brought her own arm to interlink with Rose’s, and they started walking to the familiar route to the pub. Rose thought to ask quickly, in a nonchalant way, about who was at the Garrison, so she knew what to expect.

‘Are they all there? I suppose it is Friday night.’ Rose tried to make herself sound easy, like it was just a small comment, and luckily, Polly didn’t catch on to her true purpose. ‘Well, Arthur and John are there, I know that. Not Tommy though, not since he’s got his new office.’

Rose’s almost gave herself whiplash in turning to look at Polly, but she managed to refrain herself. Once again, she used an easy tone to not elicit suspicion. ‘A new office?’

‘It’s on Jamaica Row, an office for himself. Arthur has Tommy’s old office in the house.’

Rose nodded slowly, and thought it best to not ask any more questions. That didn’t mean more grew with every step they took, but Rose bargained with herself that there’d be more time to learn about the changes that had occurred since she had left.

The Garrison soon came into view, and for Rose, it felt strange to be approaching it just as a customer, not for a day of work. It being Friday night, the place was busy, but Polly led them to the doors of the snug, it being a Blinder privilege. Rose watched as Polly opened the door and announced their arrival.

‘Look who’s back?’

Rose took that as her cue to enter the snug, and Polly stood to the side to watch her walk through and be greeted by Arthur and John. As soon as they saw Rose enter, they let out sounds of joy and stood up. Arthur and John got out of the booth and stepped over to Rose, both giving her a kiss on the cheek.

‘Polly didn’t say you were coming to visit.’ Arthur said, straightening out his waistcoat and glancing to Polly.

Polly smiled as she stepped over to the hatch. ‘I wanted it to be a surprise.’

‘A bloody good surprise if you ask me.’ Arthur bellowed, his moustache bristling with his smile and he turned to grab one of the chairs. ‘Come on, Rose, take a seat.’

‘Thank you.’ Rose said politely. Arthur and John returned to their seats in the booth, John reaching for his cigar and Arthur leaning forward to lean his arms on the table.

‘A hole’s been left in my heart without you, Rose, it’s not the same anymore.’

Rose smiled sweetly at Arthur’s compliment, she couldn’t have expected a better welcome from them. Before she could reply, Polly placed a small glass of rum in front of her on the table, and she took her own seat in the booth near John. All three looked at her, waiting for her to speak.

‘You say it’s not the same, but nothing seems to have changed.’ Rose said, pointedly looking around the snug. Arthur let out a chuckle, and looked over to Polly and John to see them smiling as well.

‘You’re right, nothing much changes round here.’ Polly said, lighting up a cigarette.

‘But what about London?’ John asked, taking a drag from his cigar. ‘You must be living it up with all those city folks.’ Rose smiled to herself. ‘Yes, something like that. My friends from work and I go drinking near enough every weekend, you wouldn’t believe how wild they get. I can’t keep up with them.’

Peals of laughter came from all of them, Rose had forgotten how easy it could be to talk to the Shelby’s, they were making her feel so welcome.

‘There’s a lot more going on in London than here, it feels strange coming back.’ Rose said.

Arthur leant back in his seat, his eyes still on Rose. ‘We’re happy you’re visiting us. Haven’t forgotten about us, have you Rose?’

‘Of course not, there’s no chance of that happening.’ Rose jested, which made Arthur chuckle.

‘What about that gentleman friend of yours, Rose?’ Polly said, and Rose looked over in surprise. Rose had remembered how she had mentioned to Polly before she left that Peter was in London, and that she wanted to see what his life was like. It had been until that moment that Rose had forgotten Polly knew about him, and she faltered her answer.

Polly had been keen to ask Rose about Peter, and how that relationship was blooming. She thought that asking with an audience might’ve put pressure on her answer, it was slightly mean of Polly to do so, but the hesitation in Rose’s response said more to Polly than Rose actually answering. Polly wanted Peter to be a good man, and compared to Tommy, anyone else could’ve been that person. Rose could’ve done some good for Tommy, they seemed to be getting on so well, but ultimately, Polly thought that another man would’ve been better for Rose, simply because she was a good and decent person.

During the time that Rose had been away, Polly had also heard the opinions of Tommy about Peter, they were all self-serving for Tommy, so Polly wanted to know Rose’s point of view.

‘Yes … well …I-’

‘You’ve made her blush, Polly.’ John said teasingly, and let out a laugh. Rose was glad that she had been interrupted, because she wasn’t sure what to say. John had mistaken her stuttering for shyness, like her true thoughts about her ‘gentleman friend’ were too romantic and embarrassing to say out loud.

‘Don’t go mentioning your fella around Tommy, he’d probably start crying.’ John chuckled, but Rose paused. She looked from John, then to Polly, the mention of Tommy had her on a knife’s edge, she felt it was a bizarre way for him to be brought up in conversation. Before Polly could explain what John meant, Arthur spoke first, having noticed Rose’s curious expression.

‘He’s been missing you more than we have, I reckon.’ Arthur said softly, and he and Rose locked eyes with one another. Rose still didn’t know what to say, and Arthur lowered his gaze to his glass.

‘Nah, he’s been a miserable bastard.’ John said, but it didn’t do anything to diffuse the tension that had grown between them all. Rose remained quiet as John and Arthur finished their drinks, they knew when they both overstaying their welcome.

After Arthur had drained his glass, he clapped his hands on his hands on his thighs.

‘Come on, John, let’s go find Finn, keep him out of trouble.’

John stubbed out his cigar and placed a toothpick between his lips. ‘Too right, I’m not being roped into women’s talk.’

Rose and Polly stayed quiet as Arthur and John took their leave, and then they were left alone. To ease the atmosphere, Polly shook her head and let out a laugh.

‘They know how to announce their leave, don’t they?’

Rose laughed with Polly, knowing she was right. With just the both of them in the snug, Rose felt herself relax, there was no need to worry about speaking her true thoughts with Polly.

‘I wanted to come back to see my parents, really.’ Rose started, her eyes had drifted over to the seat where Arthur had just been, and before she said any more, she got up from her own chair and move to the booth. Rose leant back in the comfier seat and looked over to Polly.

‘It’s coming up to my birthday, and I had this thought that perhaps they would be alright in seeing me. We left on … unpleasant circumstances last time, but I’d hate to think that I might miss a chance in patching up anything between them.’

‘Bless you, Rose. You’re too stubborn, you know.’ Polly smirked, and she took another drag of her cigarette. ‘It’s great that you care so much about them, especially after everything, but just know that we’re here for you as well. Small Heath shouldn’t be a place filled with bad memories, I’d feel like I had failed you if that were the truth.’

Rose thought that Polly couldn’t have said anything sweeter to her, and her heart warmed at how generous she was being. With Polly being so clear in her opinions of Rose, she could never think that Small Heath was entirely bad.

‘And then … there’s Tommy.’ Rose felt safe in revealing her true thoughts to Polly, and it felt good to get them off her chest. ‘I’ve missed him.’

Those three words had been hard to come to terms with in Rose’s mind, but she felt them. Saying them only solidified their meaning, and Rose was glad that Polly would’ve been the last person to judge her.

‘I think he’s missed you too.’

‘Really?’ Rose said, slightly surprised.

‘John and Arthur aren’t so romantic with their words, he has been miserable though. I also think it’s one of the reasons he wanted a separate office, somewhere no one could tell him off for working late. He’s thrown himself into work since you’ve gone, there are some days I don’t see him.’

Hearing this from Polly made Rose more enthused in seeing Tommy. There was no way she could’ve known that about him without hearing it from Polly first, and she had gotten what she wanted, a reason to arrange to meet up with him.

However, Rose couldn’t help but air her grievances. ‘I feel like I wouldn’t know what to say to him, face to face.’ Rose admitted. ‘I haven’t spoken to him since I left, do you think he’d write letters?’

‘I’m not too sure.’ Polly replied. ‘There would be only one way to find out.’

Rose had a moment to herself, thinking over Polly’s words, and she took a sip from her rum, which had sat untouched on the table.

‘You still haven’t answered my question about Peter.’ Polly speaking made Rose flick her eyes to her. ‘I would ask if everything was going well between you both, but with what you’ve just told me, I’d be inclined to wonder what good he’s doing for you.’

Rose had to respect Polly for knowing exactly how to read a person, but that also meant Rose was cornered into telling the truth. Even though she couldn’t put her finger on it herself, Rose knew that there was something in the back of her mind about Peter.

‘He, uh, does all the right things. I couldn’t ask more of him if I tried.’ Rose started, but then she sighed. ‘But there’s something there, at the back of my mind. I think I expected him to be the same, but he’s not, he’s grown up.’

‘And so have you.’ Polly said. ‘Not love-struck teens anymore.’

Rose breathed a laugh and her lips twitched upwards. ‘No.’

‘You’ve been in London for only three months, things will fall into place, you just have to let them.’

The conversation soon turned to a lighter subject, Polly started asking about where Rose worked and what kind of friends she had made. Rose had been happy to relay everything to Polly, excited to share her new life, it lessened Rose’s nerves about being in Small Heath.

Rose thought she had been tired from the day when she made it back to her hotel room that night, but as she lay in bed, she fretted over seeing her parents the next day. Sleep didn’t come easy for her that night, and Rose woke with a groggy head. It was as if Rose’s body was foreboding the morning to come, but Rose wasn’t to know that until later on that day.

The walk to her parents’ house was fraught with apprehension. A wave of sickness came over her as she spotted the front door, she had to remind herself that going through the front way would’ve been better than the back, she had to believe that the reason wasn’t weak or that she was just coming up with excuses for herself for the sake it, and she hoped for the best.

When Rose placed a hand on the brass knob to open the door, the familiar sound of the bell overhead rung, and she held her breath. Looking over to the desk, Rose saw her mother, sitting there and going through the books like she used to do, and at the sound of the door opening, Mary looked up. Rose felt herself freeze under the gaze of her mother, but carried on when Mary looked back down, acting as if no one had entered the room.

Before Rose could say anything, Mary spoke. ‘You don’t know when you’re not wanted, do you?’

Despite the accusing and nasty tone Mary used, Rose ignored her and walked a few paces forward. ‘We didn’t get a chance to talk last time.’

Without missing a beat, Mary looked up and focused her eyes on Rose. ‘And what’s changed since then?’

‘I’ve gone to London.’ Rose said, trying to keep her voice light. ‘I work in a law firm now, and I’ve made friends-’

‘Do they all know about your past?’

Rose knew that her mother was only trying to slight her, so said nothing in reply.

‘Thought so.’ Mary tutted. ‘What makes you think we want to hear about it when you’re too cowardly to tell all your new, little friends.’

Rose wanted to get angry, to start talking the same way her own mother was speaking to her, but she refused. ‘Don’t you want to know her name?’

Mary rolled her eyes, not liking the way Rose was directing the conversation.

‘We don’t have to talk about her,’ Rose swallowed thickly, ‘we could talk about my-’

A loud scoff from Mary cut Rose off. ‘All about you, isn’t it?’ Mary stood up from the desk, a scowl on her features, and she started walking towards Rose, making her back up.

‘It’s a good thing your father isn’t here, he’d have you by your hair and be dragging you out to the street.’ Rose back was an inch from the door, and she looked at the finger her mother was jabbing at her. ‘I will let you go nicely, and you will _never_ come back here, God help you if you do.’

Rose said no more, with her eyes still on her mother, she grabbed the door knob and turned it quickly. As fast as she could, Rose left the house, not wanting to look at her mother ever again.

As Rose walked back to the hotel, she was fighting back tears. They weren’t out of being upset, but more from anger. Thinking back on the conversation she had with her mother, Rose was angry that she didn’t use her frustration more, and was annoyed that she had let her mother walk all over her. Rose wished that she could’ve stood up for herself, but she had to realise then that that would’ve been the last time she would ever see her mother. Rose had tried twice to speak to her parents, and both had failed miserably, and out of her own sanity rather than from her parents’ words, Rose promised herself to never speak to her parents again. Yet, there was still a small part of Rose that wondered if things would change in a few months, or a few years, but that was perhaps being stupidly hopeful.

As Rose breathed in deeply, trying to think of positive things to will away her tears, she thought she heard her name being called. She slowed her steps and looked around, trying to find the source of the noise, or if she was just imagining things.

‘Rose!’

Rose whipped her head around to look along the path where she had just come from, and saw a car coming to a halt by her side. There was no misjudging whose car it was, nor the person sitting inside. Rose hadn’t realised until then how much she appreciated seeing a friendly face, and out of all people, she was glad it was Tommy.

Tommy stopped the car by Rose, and he leant over in his seat to talk to her. Rose walked up to the side of the car and put her hands on the door, a smile spreading across her cheeks.

‘Polly said you were here to visit, apparently she’s known for ages, wanted to keep it a surprise.’ Tommy said. He had his right arm thrown over the steering wheel, which enabled him to face Rose better, and Rose thought he seemed in a better mood than when they had last seen one another.

‘Was it a nice surprise?’ Rose asked. There was no holding back in toying with Tommy, and like she had foreseen, Tommy gave Rose a knowing smile, one that barely touched his lips, but was seen in his eyes.

‘I wanted to know if you were up for dinner tonight.’ Tommy asked. Rose could tell that Tommy was trying to hold his nerve, his tone was somewhat coarse and direct, but not in a rude way.

Rose’s smile softened, and her heart warmed at the thought of Tommy’s request. ‘Yes, that’d be lovely.’

Tommy nodded slowly. ‘I’ll let you get on with your day, then.’ Tommy cleared his throat, shifting slightly in his seat.

‘It’s nice to see you, Tommy.’ Rose couldn’t help but let her voice waver slightly, feeling almost emotional in being shown goodness after her mother rejecting her. Rose had thought to prepare herself in seeing Tommy’s blue eyes beforehand, but she felt herself go weak at being stared at so keenly.

‘I’ll pick you up at seven, Rose.’

Rose wanted to melt at hearing Tommy say her name in a caressing manner. It was her turn to clear her throat, not wanting to forget herself standing on the pavement. Rose and Tommy said their goodbyes to one another, but they weren’t to be apart for very long, that thought made Rose grin to herself as she walked back to her hotel.

Before the dinner, Rose thought to take a nap, and she found that the sleep came easier than it had the night before. There was no fretting about what her parents were going to say to her, and although it had ended badly, Rose knew where she stood in their eyes. It was something she’d tell Tommy that evening, amongst all the other things she had in her mind, ready to share with him.

Rose wasn’t sure what kind of restaurant Tommy was taking her to that night, but knew that it probably wouldn’t be the kind Peter would take her to in London. The nicest dress Rose had brought with her was still quite plain, but with dinner plans being so last minute, Rose had to make do. The dress was one of her favourites, a periwinkle blue with lace at the waist and on the lining near her collar bones, it was understated and demure compared to the sort of dresses Peter had bought for Rose in the past. Rose tucked her hair into a bun at the base of her neck, and when she looked into the mirror, she shocked herself at how nice she thought she looked. There were no gold embellishments on her dress, no revealing skin that made her uncomfortable and no sparkly earring hanging from her ears. The only jewellery Rose wore that night was Tommy’s necklace, and it made her heart thump in anticipation of Tommy seeing it.

Tommy was right on time to pick Rose up, arriving in front of her hotel at seven exactly. He waited in the lobby for her, and they kept their eyes on one another as Rose walked down the stairs. The coat she was wearing, her own and not Peter’s, wasn’t buttoned up, and when Rose walked up to Tommy, her necklace glistened in the light. Rose saw that Tommy looked down at her chest, his eyes focused on the necklace, his necklace, and his features softened. Rose heart warmed, she knew when Tommy would be genuine, there was a certain flicker in his eye that Rose could never miss.

‘You look lovely, Rose.’ Tommy said, and Rose beamed at him. ‘Your carriage awaits.’ Rose breathed a laugh, and walked with Tommy to the car outside.

It was as if they had never had a car journey with each other before, as they both stayed silent throughout the drive. Tommy only drove for five minutes, but in that space of time, neither of them could find something to make small talk about. In truth, it was because they were both nervous about the dinner ahead, the first time in what felt like a long time since they’d were alone together.

Tommy offered a smile when they arrived at the restaurant which Rose copied. She looked over to the restaurant and thought if she hadn’t seen the host come out and greet them, she would’ve assumed it was closed. The restaurant was much quieter than the type she had been to in London, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a nice. A live band played classical music in one corner, and there were only small mutterings of the people that were dining, rather than the raucous kind of atmosphere that some London restaurants would have.

The host led Tommy and Rose over to a round booth, the dark, red leather was comfy as Rose took her seat, and realised that Tommy had brought himself around further, rather than sitting directly across from her. The host handed them both menus and left promptly, leaving Rose and Tommy to be on their own once again.

‘The steak is nice, so I’ve heard.’ Tommy said, keeping his eyes on the menu. Rose flicked her eyes over to see him and smiled to herself.

What Rose didn’t realise was that Tommy was trying to keep calm and not make a fool of himself. She was unaware of the kind of torment he had gone through when he left the platform on that day in December, regretting it seemingly every day. He didn’t want to mess up his chance to catch up with Rose, and willed himself to act normal, but he had to admit to himself that he was excited when Rose agreed to have dinner with him.

They perused over their menus in silence, and when the waiter arrived to take their order, both Tommy and Rose asked for the steak. They looked at one another and smiled, and after the waiter left, Tommy leant back and tried to relax.

‘Go on, tell me everything.’ He encouraged.

Without having to be told twice, Rose started speaking. ‘Well, I work in a law firm in Camden Town. I’m deputy accountant there, so a belated thank you for giving me such a good reference.’

‘It’s not all about the reference, Rose, they must’ve had a good eye when you interviewed with them. They would’ve missed out on someone good if they let you pass by.’ Tommy palmed off the unnecessary compliment, not letting Rose think herself not smart enough to earn such a position off her own back.

Rose knew exactly what Tommy was doing, but decided not to start a back and forth about it. ‘I love the work there, the other girls are so nice to me, and they’re great fun when we go out on the weekends.’ Rose smirked and let out a laugh when Tommy raised his eyebrows playfully.

‘Out at the weekends, eh? You don’t get into trouble, do you?’ Tommy teased.

‘Of course not.’ Rose giggled. ‘I represent Small Heath with pride.’ Tommy chuckled and shook his head, then leant back, his eyes still on Rose.

‘I can’t imagine you on a night out, Rose.’ Tommy said with a smirk.

‘I wouldn’t want you to see me on one either.’

They shared another laugh with each other, Rose had forgotten just how easy it was to talk to Tommy, and appreciated that he was in a good mood. To break them both from their laughter, the waiter arrived with their food, the appearance of him made the two pull back. They hadn’t realised it until then, but their bodies had edged closer when they were laughing.

‘And I get to see Ada and Karl, he’s so big now.’ Rose said, and she started cutting up a piece of steak to eat. The first few minutes of eating were in silence, both of them enjoying their food, and saying to one another that the steak was good.

Tommy had been waiting for the right moment to start mentioning Peter, but truthfully, he knew there would be no right time to bring it up, simply because he thought he might hate the answer. However, the questions were growing heavy on his mind, so Tommy had to say them out loud.

‘And what about him? Is Peter treating you well?’

Tommy tried distracting himself by eating a mouthful of steak, but when he flicked his eyes over to see Rose’s reaction, he noticed that she was uncertain with her answer. The light and happy look Rose just had on her face lessened, and she looked down to the table rather than meeting Tommy’s gaze.

Placing her knife and fork down, Rose brought her napkin up to wipe at the corners of her mouth, all the while, thinking about her answer. ‘He takes me out to dinner a lot, which is nice, and he’s kind to me.’

Rose met Tommy’s gaze and she watched as he nodded his head slowly. Tommy wasn’t entirely convinced by Rose’s words, but went along with what she had said. ‘Good, I like to know that you’re being looked after.’

Tommy didn’t realise that his words would’ve had such an effect on Rose, but he saw the way Rose’s smile failed, reacting in a way that he didn’t like. Tommy had tried to let it go the first time, but he was no longer in the mind of ignoring Rose’s responses.

‘What’s wrong, Rose?’ Tommy said as he leant forward, he was starting to worry on Rose’s behalf.

Rose turned her gaze down to the plate in front of her, but wasn’t put off in how Tommy had moved closer. ‘Honestly? It’s my fault …’

Tommy didn’t want Rose to lose her nerve in telling the truth, so tried to encourage her. ‘Are you not enjoying it?’

‘No, I love my job, and my new friends, and Ada, but …’ Rose faltered again, but found the words she had at the back of her mind. ‘I suppose it’s my fault because I believed that he would be the same person I knew when we were younger. But he’s not, he’s changed, and I should’ve prepared myself for it. It wasn’t fair of me to think that he would stay the same, not with what he’s been through.’

It was then they Rose met Tommy’s gaze, and she felt emboldened to speak once again.

‘I sometimes wonder … would’ve it been better to just have the memory of him, rather than know who he is today?’

Tommy raised his brows and parted his lips in shock at Rose’s words. ‘Is it really that bad?’

Rose’s face fell, and she looked to the table. ‘I suppose not, I think I’m just being silly. But he’s not the boy I once knew, he’s a man. With a car, and a fancy job with a fancy suit, and enough cockiness to fill the Thames twice over.’ Rose tried to lighten the mood between them both, and attempted to just laugh the situation off, but Tommy wasn’t convinced, nor was he done in being concerned.

‘Does that bother you?’

Rose wasn’t sure that it bothered her, simply because she had convinced herself that Peter was the way he was because of how he reacted to the war. Rose couldn’t begin to understand from Peter’s point of view just what he went through, nor how it affected him, so didn’t want to blame or shame him for the way he was. Yet, in the moment of silence that hung between them from Rose not answering Tommy’s question, she looked into his blue eyes and knew one thing, Peter was not like Tommy, and that was a fault he couldn’t help.

Rose held her tongue, but knew in her heart that she wanted to tell Tommy that Peter couldn’t come close to being like him. Instead, Rose recoiled into her seat slightly, edging herself away from Tommy and the truth. The question remained unanswered, and Tommy knew of another thing he thought to mention that evening. Once again, it was something he was sure Rose’s wouldn’t appreciate too much, but he needed to know for his own sake.

‘When I saw you today, had you been to your parents?’

Rose nodded her head slowly, then brought her eyes to meet Tommy’s, not sure where he was planning to take the conversation. There had been a time when Rose had stood up for her parents, which meant that she had to face Tommy herself. Rose couldn’t forget that Tommy was a Peaky Blinder, but she had gone against him for her parent’s sake. Rose didn’t want to incite anger from Tommy from what her parents had done to her.

‘How did that go?’ Tommy asked.

‘I was asked, in the most obvious way, to never come back.’ Rose sighed sadly, and Tommy resisted the urge to not bring his hand across the table to Rose’s, the only way he could think to comfort her.

‘I went to see them before I left for London as well, but I only saw my father then. He called me a whore.’

Rose seemed to say it so flippantly, but Tommy felt anger grow inside him. Thoughts were running around in his mind, but he had to restrain himself, just till the end of dinner.

‘He told me it’s like he doesn’t even have a daughter anymore.’ Rose recalled, and she looked down to the table rather than to Tommy. ‘And earlier, my mother said that if my father had been there today, he’d have dragged me by my hair out onto the street.’ Rose tried to keep her tone normal and steady, but she felt her throat close up as she finished her sentence, remembering just how horrible it was to be told that by her own mother. However, she was reminded of what she went through on their behalf, and what she felt earlier.

‘But there’s a part of me, an idiotic part of me, that thinks they just need time, that they could never get rid of their own daughter like that.’

Tommy couldn’t understand why Rose felt that way, after everything her parents had put her through, she’d still give them the time of day. From the moment Tommy had troubles with his own father, he was happy to cut ties with him immediately. Tommy’s mother had been deceased for a very long time, so he couldn’t know what it was like to be in Rose’s shoes, and in a way, he felt sorry for her. Sorry that she seemed to be blinded by her own hope that she’d one day find peace with her parents. It was then that Tommy reached his hand forward to place on Rose’s. Luckily, it was something Rose appreciated, and she didn’t realise how much she had craved some kind of contact with him.

‘At least,’ Rose faltered, taking the moment to gain the courage to speak, ‘at least I’ll have some good memories from this visit.’

Without needing to say anymore, both Tommy and Rose knew that they were on the same page with one another, and that they had come to terms with everything, better than they did back in December. It wasn’t until the waiter came to take their plates that both of them realised they were still holding hands, but even with the interruption, Tommy held it still, the feeling of Rose’s skin against his being a comfort to him.

The time came to leave, however, but there was no sadness in it. Rose was glad that she had said all she needed to, and that Tommy had been open in hearing her. When they arrived at the hotel, Tommy got out of the car to say goodbye, Rose watched him walk around the front of the car to stand with her.

‘Thank you for tonight, Tommy.’ It was like Rose had come over all shy, she lowered her head to avoid Tommy’s blue eyes. She knew that Tommy wouldn’t want to embrace in such a public place, people were waking down and up the steps from the hotel, some of them turned their attentions on them for a few seconds.

‘It was my pleasure, Rose. The next time you come and visit us, we’ll do it again.’ Tommy said, trying his best to lighten the mood. Rose raised her head to smile at Tommy, and she saw that he wasn’t as anguished as he had been at the train station. Not wanting to let the moment go, Rose kept her eyes on Tommy and stepped forward, bringing her lips to reach Tommy’s cheek. The moment was quick, Rose had done it without thinking, and noted that she didn’t feel Tommy’s lips touch her.

When Rose pulled back, only slightly to see Tommy’s reaction, his blue eyes looked troubled, and Rose thought that she had made the wrong move. Before she could start making up excuses for herself, or run away, she felt a hand touch her arm.

Tommy stared down with such passion, Rose thought she had stopped breathing. ‘Goodbye, Rose.’

Rose could only speak through light breaths. ‘Goodbye, Tommy.’

By the time Rose could process a coherent thought, she realised how public her goodbye with Tommy had been. Yet, as she led in bed that night, she knew she didn’t care. Whenever Rose shut her eyes, all she could see was Tommy’s blue eyes, piercing into her own, and Rose had another restless sleep.

The train to go back to London wasn’t till mid-afternoon, so Rose had time to fill before leaving for the station. There was still time to see Ms Harding, so Rose left her suitcase at the hotel and walked back to Watery Lane, but not to see a Shelby that time.

Rose didn’t feel desperation in seeing Ms Harding that morning, so decided to use the front door to see her. Rose didn’t think that Ms Harding would like people barging in on her home anymore, and with Rose having been away for so long, it wouldn’t have been welcome on her part. Rose knocked on the door loudly when she reached it, hoping that the sound was loud enough for Ms Harding to hear. Rose caught herself smiling when she heard the familiar sounds of Ms Harding talking to herself whilst shuffling to the door, it was something she missed, and found contentment in hearing once more.

Rose heard the sound of the locks, and wondered if Ms Harding had finally started locking all her doors since she left, but thought not to tease her about it if she was allowed in. When the door opened, Rose saw Ms Harding’s scowl and wanted to smile at the familiar expression.

‘Hello, Ms Harding.’ Rose said with a smile, and luckily, Ms Harding’s scowl didn’t increase from seeing her.

‘You’re the last person I expected to see today.’ Ms Harding said, and Rose held her breath, not knowing where she was going with her words.

‘You better come in then, the day’s colder than usual, you need to warm up by the fire.’ Ms Harding opened the door a little wider, then started walking to the kitchen, expecting Rose to follow. Once again, Rose tried to hide her smile, and she was grateful at being allowed entry into Ms Harding’s home. Rose shut the door behind her and went into the kitchen, Ms Harding was already seeing to the kettle without even asking if Rose wanted tea. Rose didn’t want to get in the way, so took her seat by the small fire.

‘I hope you haven’t come back forever, Rose.’ Ms Harding said.

‘No, just for a visit.’ Rose didn’t want to mention just who she had seen, to not incite anger from Ms Harding. Ms Harding may have been old, but she wasn’t stupid, and she eyed Rose from the stove with apprehension.

‘I can’t be the only one you wanted to see in Small Heath, I’d tell you off if you came all this way just for me.’

Rose breathed a laugh. Her arms were leant against her legs, and she fiddled her hands together, splaying them out to feel the heat in front of her. Rose looked over to see that Ms Harding was bringing over the teapot, there was a small lapse of silence between the two of them as the tea was poured. Rose hoped that Ms Harding would just ask about the Shelby’s, she knew what opinions she had of them, and didn’t want to have wasted her visit on a redundant argument.

Ms Harding passed Rose a teacup, then took her on seat by the fire. ‘So, tell me what London’s like.’

Rose smiled, and her teacup went untouched as Rose reeled off the stories she had to share. Ms Harding stared at the fire as Rose spoke, but showed that she was listening by making grumbling noises, or letting out a small laugh if Rose told a funny story. Rose hadn’t realised how much there was to say until she remembered it all then in Ms Harding’s kitchen.

‘Sounds like you made the right decision.’ Ms Harding said. It was easy for Ms Harding to come to that conclusion, since Rose had missed out most of the stories that involved Peter. Rose had mentioned that she was taken out to dinner a lot, but she remembered that Ms Harding had hoped that Peter was a better man than Tommy, so tried to avoid a conversation about the comparison.

‘I am enjoying myself.’ Rose smiled, taking a sip of her tea. ‘I go back today, I only came up for the weekend.’

‘Did you see the Blinders?’

Rose froze for a moment, it was the subject she had been trying to avoid, but she couldn’t lie to Ms Harding. ‘Yes, I saw them.’

Rose saw how Ms Harding quirked her brows up, but Rose didn’t want her getting the wrong idea.

‘It was only a passing visit,’ Rose knew that not to be entirely true, her dinner the previous night with Tommy had been more than a friendly visit, ‘they did a lot for me when I worked for them and when … I stopped talking with my parents.’

‘I thought your lad in London was to replace Tommy.’ Ms Harding said, and Rose lowered her gaze.

‘No one could replace Tommy.’ Rose scoffed, it was a statement for herself, but Ms Harding understood the sentiment. ‘But, I’m going back to London.’

Ms Harding looked over to Rose, seeing her gaze reaching the fire and not herself. She knew exactly what that expression meant, whether Rose realised she was doing it or not. Then Ms Harding did something she thought she’d never do.

‘I used to work in a country house, when I was your age.’ Ms Harding tore her gaze from Rose to look back over to the fire, not daring to look a person in the eye as she told her story. She saw out of the corner of her eye that Rose was looking over at her, but pressed on with recalling her memories.

‘This was before I married my husband. Queen Victoria was on the throne, and I had this job. I was very lucky to be a kitchen maid, I was proud of myself for getting it.’ Ms Harding dared a smile on her lips as she remembered. ‘I worked in the house for a Lord, I can’t for the life of me remember his name, but that doesn’t matter. His valet was the one I remember, I was in love with him, and he was in love with me.’

Rose tried to hide her shock at Ms Harding, in all the time that she had known her, Ms Harding had never spoken about her past, and had never been so open with emotions before. Although Rose felt questions brimming in her mind, she kept as quiet as a mouse, not wanting to put Ms Harding off.

‘I was so young, blinded by love, so when the valet started to steal things from the Lord, I kept my mouth shut. I feared that he’d be caught, but I never said a word to anyone, even when we had inspections to find what he had taken. The valet would sell whatever he could, and then he’d spend it on these fancy lace cards, I still have them, and he’d write these poems for me, telling me how much he loved me.’

In the crackling fire, Rose swore that Ms Harding was smiling, but she wasn’t sure. Ms Harding’s lips were tight, Rose assumed that was her attempt at a smile.

‘Then he went away to war, it was the Crimean War then, and he never came back.’ Ms Harding’s voice wavered, and Rose felt her throat go tight, tears threatened to fall. ‘I went on to marry my husband, someone I grew to love, but it wasn’t the same.’

Ms Harding turned to face Rose, and Rose felt her heart stop beating at the intensity of her gaze.

‘I’m telling you this because you remind me of myself. I had a love that I’ll never get back. It’s up to you to choose who in your life you want to spend it with. We all have skeletons in our closets, but for love, Rose …’ Ms Harding’s eyes drifted back to the fire, ‘if you know how true love feels, never let it go. You’ll regret it for as long as you live.’

A tear fell down Rose’s cheek, and she wiped it away quickly. She swallowed thickly, and tried to clear her throat, but she was beside herself, she couldn’t think of anything to say.

‘I haven’t told anyone, how could I,’ Ms Harding breathed a laugh, ‘but I think I haven’t got long left. Doubt I’ll see the end of the year.’

Rose felt another tear fall, and she shuddered a breath.

‘But I’m not scared. I’ll get to see him again, after all that time. I hope he doesn’t mind my wrinkles.’

When Rose left the house, she couldn’t help herself but bring Ms Harding into a hug. Ms Harding didn’t relent, either, which made more tears fall from Rose’s eyes. Rose laughed when Ms Harding called her a silly girl for being so emotional, but she couldn’t help it. Neither of them were sure if they’d see one another again, especially after Ms Harding’s blow of knowing she didn’t have long left, and Rose would’ve never forgiven herself if she hadn’t said goodbye properly. Ms Harding wished Rose good luck in London, not mentioning her story again, but it gave Rose a lot to think about.

\-----

Seeing Rose that weekend calmed Tommy in some ways, he hadn’t spoken to her since she had left, and he had been worrying about how she was getting on. Tommy wasn’t sure if rose had been in contact with Polly since the move, but didn’t want to ask her anyway, not wanting to arouse suspicion on her part. When Polly had announced that Rose had arrived for the weekend, he knew the gaze Polly gave him, a knowing look that wasn’t to be ignored.

Rose had looked so well, and then so beautiful that evening at the dinner. Although Tommy thought he had missed his chance to propose, it had warmed his heart that Rose seemed to be doing so well in London, and that he couldn’t be entirely upset. It had settled him enough to know that her job was going well, and that she was making friends, but there were other things to worry about as well.

Tommy drove from Rose’s hotel back into Small Heath, he had thought about going to the new office to think things through, but all he wanted to do was to sleep. The car was parked in the garages by Charlie’s yard, and he paced quickly to Watery Lane. Tommy passed the Garrison on his way there, through the windows he could see that it was still busy even that late in the evening, people were milling around outside, shouting and howling, but Tommy ignored it all.

Tommy had expected for everyone to be in the Garrison, but as he walked through the front door of 6 Watery Lane, he could tell that the kitchen was in use. The door was slightly ajar, and shadows could be seen on someone walking around, Tommy assumed it was Polly.

His assumption had been right, and Polly turned herself to look at the person walking through the threshold of the door. They shared a look with one another, Polly knew where Tommy had been that evening, and had been waiting for him to get back to talk it through with him, but Tommy wasn’t in the mood for sharing. Without saying a word, Tommy turned and started walking up the stairs, listening out for Polly. A part of him expected her to follow him to his room, demanding that she knew how he felt, but luckily, she left him alone.

The room was dark, and Tommy kept it that way, not flicking on the light switch, nor turning on his bedside lamp. He undressed in the dark, down to his undershirt, then got into bed. There was one thought he couldn’t move from his mind, the sight of seeing Rose wearing the necklace he had bought her had surprised him. He had hoped that she’d still think to wear it, to remind herself of him, and the look she had given him when he’d noticed it made him think that Rose had worn the necklace on purpose. Tommy wanted to think that there was more to Rose wearing the necklace than first thought. It wasn’t just a piece of jewellery for her to wear with an outfit, he knew that there was more meaning to it, and wished he could’ve asked her more on what she thought.

Before Tommy knew it, he had fallen asleep. Tommy wasn’t sure of it when he woke up, but he thought he had dreamt of the necklace, either that, or he was just recalling what he was thinking about before he fell asleep. Tommy dressed quickly that morning, even though it was a Sunday, and most people were still asleep. Upon reflection, Tommy had to think carefully about how he was going to deal with Rose’s parents. He recalled telling them that if they crossed the Blinder’s again, he’d go back to them, and Tommy felt that he had let them get away with so much since then, that he needed to see them that day.

Tommy had been biding his time with Henry and Mary, at the first instance of knowing that Rose had been thrown out, he had wanted to go to their house and douse it in petrol. However, the night before, Rose had still made it clear that she felt there was something still there between them, at some point in the future, and Tommy knew that if he treated Mary and Henry like all the other Blinder betrayers, Rose would have no one to go to.

The day was just beginning when Tommy stepped out onto Watery Lane, but he didn’t care if he’d have to wake Henry and Mary from their sleep to talk to them. People were making their way to church, Tommy passed them all as he paced along the pavement, and had a thought. If he wasn’t going to kill them, which is what he truly wanted to do, pounding on the front door and making a scene on the street would’ve been enough to sate his conscience. He wanted the people that passed on the street to know that the Alexander’s had done wrong by the Blinder’s, he wanted to ostracise them from Small Heath.

Like he had thought, there was no sign of anyone awake in the house, so Tommy started banging his fist on the front door. The persistence Tommy kept eventually paid off, as he heard Henry muttering to Mary to go back upstairs. Tommy breathed in deeply, and steeled himself when the door opened.

Henry threw the door open, ready to shout at the person who thought to wake him up early on a Sunday morning, but froze when he saw that it was Tommy Shelby. Tommy saw him swallow thickly.

‘Mr Shelby, what … how can I help you?’

Without saying a word, Tommy took a step off of the pavement and into the threshold of the door, all the while keeping his eyes on Henry. Henry obliged and let Tommy through, not daring to look away.

‘Fetch your wife, Mr Alexander, I need to speak to the both of you.’ Tommy announced, and made his way over to the back room. Like before, Tommy made himself comfortable and waited for Henry to enter with Mary. He didn’t light himself a cigarette, although he craved one in that moment.

Henry and Mary walked on eggshells into the room, and sat in front of Tommy with wide eyes. Tommy waited until enough fear set into the both of them, him staying silent was the key to keeping them on the edge, but it was time for him to speak.

‘It seems Rose is safe from the Inspector, but not her own parents.’ Tommy had both elbows resting on the arms of the chair, looking more relaxed than Rose’s parents, who were huddled together. Tommy saw how Mary looked down to her hands placed on her lap, and he hoped he was eliciting the right response.

‘Are you happy with yourselves?’ Tommy asked, but he hadn’t expected his question to be answered.

‘With all due respect, Mr Shelby, Rose is of our concern, and not yours.’ Henry said. Tommy wondered if it was because he let them off lightly the first time that Henry had the courage to stand up to him. Tommy didn’t like being spoken to like that, and the urge to grab his cap was great.

‘Was she still your concern when you threw her out yesterday?’

Henry’s brows creased in confusion, and Tommy looked to Mary to see a guilty look on her face. Before any of them could speak, Tommy got a word in first.

‘She’s of your concern, is she? And you share everything with one another? You know, Henry, she’s in Small Heath right now, came to see me and my family, and she came to see Mary yesterday.’

Henry couldn’t help but glare at his wife for a few moments, it was clear that she had kept that piece of information from him.

‘I like to protect my own, which is more than you can say for yourselves.’ Tommy waved his hand casually, but felt anger grow within him as he spoke. ‘I class Rose as one of my own, with all she’s done for my company.’

Tommy brought his body forward slowly, closing the distance between the three of them. ‘What was it you said to Rose, Mary? If her father had been there yesterday, he would’ve dragged her by her hair out onto the street?’ Tommy spoke in hushed tones, but the fear remained.

‘If you knew what kind of person she was-’ Henry started, raising his voice.

‘You called her a whore, didn’t you? Is that what kind of person she is?’ Although Henry had tried to take the upper hand, Tommy bit back coolly with a steady tone. Tommy fixed his gaze on Henry, daring him to speak again.

‘I assume she told you.’ Henry spat.

‘She did. She came to me the night you threw her out.’ Tommy said, flicking his gaze from the both of them as they learned about what happened. ‘Rose trusted me to look after her, but what she didn’t know was from then on, I’ve had you followed.’

Tommy revealed this information with pleasure, the way he saw Henry and Mary’s face change delighted him to no end.

‘Everything you’ve done, Mary going to the grocers every Thursday, all your trips to Robert Alexander’s house, Henry’s trips to Saltley are recent, but I knew about them.’ Tommy said, watching Henry’s eyes widen with shock.

‘But, like I said, Rose trusted me, so I couldn’t kill you like I wanted to. Yet, when I took her out to dinner last night, she seemed to have changed her mind. It seemed your little conversation with her made her think that all ties were cut, Mary.’

Mary gulped loudly, but they didn’t dare say a word.

‘You know what’s tucked into my cap, don’t you?’ It was a rhetorical question, but both Henry and Mary glanced up to Tommy’s cap, as if he had instructed them to. ‘It would give me great pleasure to take my cap into my hands and hurt you. I even think my brothers would join me, considering how much they like Rose. Would you like that?’

A silent tear slipped from Mary’s eye, but Tommy only hardened his gaze on the both of them. ‘I could make you pick up the phone and ring them yourselves, ask for Arthur and John to come around. How humiliating that would be for you? But not as humiliating as being kicked out by your own parents, onto the streets with nowhere to go.’

Tommy leant back in the chair, his heart still thumping away in his chest. ‘Poor Rose, to have gone through such trauma as a child herself, but then to have her own parents reject her. I could assure her that things could be made better if you weren’t in the picture anymore, to have you die would mean she wouldn’t feel humiliated anymore.’

Tommy had Mary weeping, and Henry’s chin was shaking, but he wanted to keep them on their toes. Tommy stood up suddenly, making Mary and Henry jump back in surprise, their eyes were full of fear in what he was going to do next.

‘I won’t kill you today, I’ve got places to be.’ Tommy said, looking down at them both. ‘But before I go, I want to see your safe.’

Henry and Mary looked at one another in confusion, but thought not to keep Tommy waiting. They both stood and started moving to the back door of the room, and Tommy followed them with his hands behind his back, acting nonchalantly as possible.

They walked into the back room, off limits for customers, and Tommy watched as Henry knelt by the small door under the stairs. The key for it was just hanging on a hook inside the door, Henry took it in his hands and put it in the lock. Mary stood by his side, not daring to be close to Tommy in that moment.

Tommy could hear the door unlocking, and Henry turned his head to see what Tommy would do next.

‘Take it all out and put it on the table.’

Tommy watched with care as Henry took the contents out of the safe, trying to see if he would try and hide some. Henry stood with two small stacks of money in each hand, then walked over to the small table in the middle of the room. Both wads of money were placed on the table, and by the looks of things Tommy could deduce that it was all the savings they had, he guessed about forty pounds in each stack. As Tommy picked up the money, he spoke.

‘This ends your association with the Peaky Blinders, the use of your business stops for our means, and you are no longer under our protection. The same goes for your brother, you can be the one to tell him why.’ The money was placed into each inside coat pocket.

‘The Birmingham Children’s Hospital would like to thank you for your generous donation. Your monetary contribution will go towards improving the services they provide. Let’s hope that mother’s will no longer know what it feels like to lose a child. You’ll be helping women like Rose, who are among the unfortunate ones.’

Tommy had stunned both Henry and Mary into silence. They looked ashamed of themselves, but no matter how much silence Tommy left for them to talk, they didn’t. They had all the chances they needed to apologise and realise what they did was wrong, but they didn’t. Tommy couldn’t bear to look at them any longer.

‘You won’t need to worry about young Rose, I’ll be looking after her from now on.’ Tommy said, straightening his cap for good measure. ‘And God help you if a Blinder sees you walking the streets of Small Heath.’

Tommy had the last word, then left promptly. Anger was rising in his body, but he couldn’t go back and attack Henry or Mary, so decided on releasing his anger in another way. He didn’t care if Lizzie wasn’t up yet, he’d been giving her enough business over the past couple of months to warrant an early arrival.

The anger that Tommy had felt was released through grabbing onto Lizzie’s waist and pounding his hips into her from behind. He felt frenzied in finding his release, when he walked into her room he had barely given himself time to undress properly, and Lizzie had just been waking up from sleeping. Tommy needed to release to calm his mind, not only had the anger raised his blood, but knowing that what he was doing was for Rose’s good. Everything came back to Rose.

When Tommy came, he felt his head go fuzzy, his grip increased on Lizzie’s body to hold himself up. With his fingers digging into her skin, Tommy finally heard Lizzie speak, and wondered how long he’d been managing to ignore her for.

‘You’ll leave bruises, Tom, for God’s sake.’ Lizzie collapsed back onto the bed and watched Tommy steady his breathing. A sheen of sweat had broken out on his brow, Lizzie wondered why he’d been so frantic in seeing to her that morning, but didn’t know if he was in the right mood to be teased.

As Tommy dressed himself, he reached into his trouser pocket to take out his own money for Lizzie. The coat had been thrown on the floor in haste, and as Lizzie moved to sit up on the bed, she noticed more money poking out of his coat pocket. With Tommy distracted, Lizzie slid off the bed and walked over to his coat, grabbing one of the wads of money from the floor.

‘Early morning calls should be compensated.’ Lizzie said, running the money over her fingertips and letting it flick backwards. Tommy looked up to see that Lizzie was touching what wasn’t hers, then reached forward and snatched it from her.

‘Don’t touch that.’

As Tommy reached to the floor to grab his coat, he checked that the other lot of money was still in its place, and ignored the stare Lizzie gave him.

‘You can be a tight bastard sometimes, Tom. Surely all that money means nothing to you.’

Tommy continued ignoring Lizzie as he threw her pay down on the bed, and didn’t even say goodbye as he left. His initial anger had been sated, but that didn’t mean there weren’t thoughts crowding his mind.

The new office in Jamaica Row was where Tommy usually spent most of his time, not only so he could complete his work in peace, but to be left alone and away from his family. It was times like that, when Tommy had more on his mind than he could deal with, that the office came in handy. With it being a weekend, the office was empty when he opened it, but he preferred it that way. Tommy hung up his coat on the rack by his office door, and reached into the pockets to take out the money. He placed them both on his secretary’s desk, and wrote a note to tell her where the money was supposed to go.

Finally, Tommy took out his cigarette’s and lit himself one. He breathed the smoke deep into his lungs, then exhaled as she opened his office door. Tommy closed it behind him, and before sitting at his desk, he walked over to his drinks caddy and poured himself a glass of whiskey. It was still Sunday morning, but then more than ever did Tommy need a drink to soothe himself. Tommy collapsed onto his leather chair, and sighed loudly. He had finally calmed, and with feeling so calm, he tried to process his thoughts.

It seemed there would never be a day that passed where Tommy wouldn’t think about Rose, and that weekend had fuelled his mind with concern for her. He had barely taken the time to wonder what kind of person Peter was, her reaction to being asked about him was something he couldn’t let go from his mind.

‘Enough cockiness to fill the Thames, twice over.’ Tommy repeated to himself, and breathed a laugh. Tommy would’ve given anything to meet Peter, even if Rose was against it.

Tommy sat on his own, smoking one cigarette after another. The only thing that seemed to move in the room was the smoke that rose from the lit end of the cigarette, and his arm bringing it to his lips. That didn’t mean he wasn’t aware of his surroundings, as he perked up when the sound of the front door rang out. Hardly moving from his seat, Tommy reached into his drawer to find his handgun, and as he saw the figure approaching through the cloudy glass, his hand gripped on it tight.

Not that it was a surprise to Tommy, but he felt himself let go on the gun when Polly walked into his office. They kept their eyes on one another, and Polly moved towards Tommy’s desk, then took a seat for herself.

‘Thought I’d find you here.’ Polly said. ‘I’m surprised you haven’t set up a camp bed so you don’t ever have to leave.’

Tommy brought his cigarette back to his lips, not feeling in the mood to joke with his aunt. He knew it wouldn’t be long until she started getting to the point, he didn’t know why she always had to jest him before speaking her mind.

‘She’s enjoying herself, it seems.’

There it was, and Tommy raised his brows, not missing a beat. ‘I’m glad for her.’

‘To think,’ Polly said, barely letting Tommy finished speaking, ‘she could be here now, with a ring on her finger. Imagine the wedding, Tommy.’

Without thinking, Tommy brought his fist down on the table. The sound didn’t make Polly jump, however, and Tommy cursed himself at losing his temper so suddenly. Polly knew then that she had touched a nerve, it had been about time that Tommy finally expressed some emotion over Rose.

‘I know that she’s too good for me.’ Tommy said, his eyes burning a hole into his empty whiskey glass.

‘And what if Roes was to say otherwise, would you believe her?’ Polly bit back, finally getting the chance to say what she really felt. ‘If she told you that she wanted to be with you, and that she didn’t see you like you see yourself. What would you do then?’

Tommy wanted to believe it, to believe that Rose could overlook all his faults. He was already in love with her, he had known it for a long time, but she was on a train back to London, back to her new home, with her new job and new friends, he was just a memory from her past. With Rose in London, living her life the way she wanted, Tommy knew that there wasn’t any room for him, no matter how much he loved her.


	13. Part Two | Fleeting Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

For many days after Rose left Small Heath, she couldn’t help but remind herself of the story Ms Harding had told her. It would happen when she was at work, sitting at her desk, then on her way home on the bus, then as she led in bed every night; Rose tried to work out if there was meaning in Ms Harding’s story.

Rose wanted the answer to be clear in her mind, to know who her true love was, who the valet was in her life. Rose thought that the story echoed her past with Peter, he had been the one to go off to war, then never came back. It wasn’t as strict as that, however, since he did come back eventually, but Rose had thought he had died, which was distressing for her to come to terms with. Peter was also her first love, they were sweethearts, and Rose could remember how charming he could be, like Ms Harding’s valet was to her.

Yet, Tommy was the criminal out of him and Peter, and reiterated the part of the story where the valet would steal possessions. Rose had also kept Tommy’s criminal activity to herself, and knew that if she were ever approached, would never let on that she knew about Tommy, and what he did for the Blinders.

‘If you know how true love feels, never let it go.’

Rose wanted to believe that she knew what true love felt. At first, Rose thought about Peter bring her first love, and if that was true love. However, the more time that passed since Rose was a teenager, the more she seemed to forget just what she had really felt. Six years had passed since that time, and it seemed blurry in her mind. Then Rose thought about Tommy, and wondered that if, because she was older, her feelings were made clearer on him. But every time Rose thought she was straightening out her thoughts with Tommy thinking they were heading in the same direction, they’d hit a wall. Even though they were both adults, neither of them could make it known in what they truly felt about one another, which frustrated Rose more every time she thought about it. There was a part of her that thought there could’ve been something between them, but it was only had themselves to blame.

In the end, Rose thought to deal with what was in front of her, rather than what had been in the past. Even with seeing Tommy that Saturday night, she had gone back to London, because she knew it was the right thing to do, because she had made her life there, and that meant trying to make things work with Peter.

The matter of Rose’s birthday had also been ringing around in her mind. She had purposely forgotten to tell those in the boarding house and in the office that her birthday was nearing. Keeping that information from everyone meant that she wasn’t roped into a night out on the weekend. That didn’t mean the girls at work weren’t encouraging her to have a night out, but it just so happened that the Friday they were pestering her at work was the exact anniversary of Posey death, and the last thing she wanted to do was to go out and drink.

What Rose had planned was to spend a night with Ada, thinking her company in her peaceful flat better than the office girls and a rowdy club. As Ada knew Rose wouldn’t be up for celebrating her birthday, she had gone ahead and asked Freddie to make himself scarce for the evening. Rose was glad that Ada could look after her like that, but told her to tell Freddie that there were no hard feelings.

‘I’ll put softer music on, don’t want to remind you of the nightclub with loud jazz, you’ll regret not going out.’ Ada teased, welcoming Rose into her flat that Saturday night. Rose hung her coat by the front door and walked into the living room with Ada, seeing that there were a few drinks already led out on the table.

‘I’ve spared no expense for you, Freddie thinks he can bartend now, so we have all these drinks in the cupboard. Don’t expect me to start mixing any, though, just help yourself.’ Ada said, flipping through the small box of records sat by the gramophone. Rose sat down on one of the settees, then leant forward and poured herself a small glass of rum, it was a safe drink to have compared to the other bottles on the table.

With the soft music playing, filling the silence, Ada sat next to Rose on the settee with a drink of her own. Ada didn’t want to show her concern, but she couldn’t help it. ‘You are doing alright, aren’t you?’ Ada asked, trying to steady her voice and not put pressure on Rose’s answer.

Rose breathed in slowly. ‘I am, actually.’ Rose wasn’t lying, and it felt good to realise her feelings. ‘It will always be a sad time, and I’ll live with that for the rest of my life. But it’s getting easier.’

Rose turned her head to face Ada, and appreciated the gentle smile she was receiving. ‘I never thought it would get easier, though. I still look at her picture and feel like I want to cry.’

‘That’s normal, Rose. You can’t beat yourself up over feeling emotions.’

Rose nodded slowly. ‘It just … it is what it is.’

Ada breathed a laugh, glad that Rose seemed to be coping so well. ‘Time is the greatest healer.’ Ada took a small sip from her glass, and brought the conversation to where she had been meaning to take it.

‘So, I assume you’re doing nothing for your birthday. The girls at work not planned anything?’

‘No, no one knows, even though they did try their best to get me to a club.’

Ada sighed, then bit her lip to try and stop herself smiling. ‘Fair enough, but I thought that you couldn’t go without on your birthday, so Freddie and I got you something.’

Before Ada let Rose complain, she got up from the settee and walked to the large cabinet by the side of the room. ‘It’s not wrapped or anything, but I saw it in Camden Market the other day and thought it was pretty.’

Rose placed her glass on the table and watched Ada bring a small box over to where she sat. Rose wasn’t happy with the idea of presents, but couldn’t help but feel intrigued. Ada presented the box to Rose and took her seat beside her.

‘It’s a music box, Freddie says it plays the Blue Danube.’

Rose looked the box over in her hands. It was pocket size, but still beautiful. The small, wooden box had gold trim on the lid, Rose ran a finger over the embossed edged, feeling the roped ridges underneath her fingertips. When Rose opened the lid, the inside had a delicate painted picture of dancer.

‘Ada, this is beautiful, thank you.’ Rose brought her arms over and pulled Ada into a hug, feeling as if she could tear up. ‘I’ll take it with me everywhere.’

‘I thought about getting one for myself.’ Ada said, and after Rose settled back in her seat, she took another sip of her drink. ‘I’ll try and drop hints for Freddie to get it for my birthday.’

Rose ran her thumb over the gold detailing once again, then placed it gently on the table. As she was staring at it, she reminded herself of something.

‘I’m going to the house soon, my great aunt’s. It’s been so long since I’ve visited.’

‘That’ll be nice, just have a weekend to yourself.’

‘Uh, actually, Peter’s coming with me.’ Rose said. ‘It’s been a while since he’s seen his parents, so it makes sense to go together.’

Ada nodded her head slowly, and flicked her gaze over to Rose. ‘Does that bother you?’

Rose whipped her head to Ada, shocked that she would ask such a thing. ‘No, of course not.’ Rose paused for a moment, her fingernails tapping the glass. ‘I want him to be there. There’s happy memories in that place as well as sad, and he was a part of them.’

‘Can’t argue with that.’ Ada said, and Rose let a smile appear on her lips. Rose could trust Ada in not pressuring her in anyway, if she said she wanted to do something, Ada wouldn’t convince her otherwise. The rest of the evening was pleasant, Rose was glad that Ada kept good company, there was no wallowing in bad feelings.

When Rose went home that evening, the first thing she did was place the music box next to her frame on the window cill. As she got ready for bed, she played the thirty seconds of music over and over again; whenever it stopped, Rose would stop what she was doing to start the box again. The sound of a music box was more whimsical than hearing the song from a gramophone, like a soft lullaby, and Rose preferred it. Out of all the gifts she could’ve received or her birthday, Rose was glad that Ada had chosen such a sweet, beautiful present.

The trip to the house occurred in mid-April, it was the closest time Rose could take off with her only having started work in December. The last time Rose had been at the house, Peter had offered his sage advice to convince her to move to London, and six months had passed since then. Rose knew that it would’ve been difficult to put aside much time to travel to Derbyshire, the company she worked for wouldn’t have allowed her time like Tommy had, so she had thought ahead and contacted Peter’s parents. During the time that Rose couldn’t see to the house, Rose asked for Peter’s mother, Alice, to see to the house herself. It was only something to be done once a month, and Rose offered to pay Alice for it, but it was done out of the kindest of Alice’s heart, and Rose knew that the house would’ve been in good hands.

Rose decided that she and Peter both take the train up on the Saturday morning, and gave him strict instructions to meet at King’s Cross Station at seven in the morning. Rose had thought about going on the Friday evening, but Peter had told her he was working late and wouldn’t have been able to make up an excuse to leave. Rose had worried about Peter not making his train because of the late hours, but Peter assured her that he wouldn’t miss it.

True to his word, Peter arrived at the station on time, much to Rose’s relief, but she did notice something about him as he walked up to her.

‘What time did you get off work?’

Peter let out a laugh, and scratched the back of his head. ‘Uh, about half an hour ago, it was a late one.’

‘An early one more like.’ Rose shook her head, and they began walking to their train together. Rose noticed that Peter hadn’t brought any bags with him either, but thought not to start an argument about when, not when he was clearly so tired.

‘It’s fine, I’ll sleep on the train and at mum’s when we get back.’ Peter just shrugged and thought nothing more of it. Rose supposed it wouldn’t have been a bad thing, Peter saying that he would sleep when he got to the village would mean Rose had time for herself, which is what she had hoped for. If Peter had wanted to spend time with her rather than his parents, Rose wouldn’t have said anything of it, but she had to admit to herself, there was a part of her that wanted to be alone in the house, especially after being away for so long.

The train journey was quiet, apart from the snores Peter produced as he slept beside Rose. They were funny at first, but eventually started getting on her nerves. Any longer on the train and Rose would’ve elbowed Peter in the ribs, but the journey soon ended, and Peter was forced awake.

Peter wasn’t much for conversation on the way to his parents either, but by that point, Rose was keen to see the house and settle herself in. Rose had to go to Peter’s parents’ house to pick up the keys to the house, and the closer they got to the village, the more excited Rose became.

Before Rose could take the keys and go, Alice took her time in greeting them both and welcoming them back to the village. Alice brought Peter and Rose into an embrace, giving them both kisses on their cheeks.

‘Mum, don’t.’ Peter groaned, and pulled away from his mother. In jest, he wiped at his cheek with the back of his hand, which made Alice laugh.

‘I’m just happy you’re both visiting.’ Alice clapped her hands together and beamed at the both of them. Unexpectedly, Rose felt a pang of jealously, she couldn’t help but think her own mother had acted completely different the last time she had seen her.

‘I know.’ Peter rolled his eyes and shook his head. ‘I’m going to bed.’

Peter left Alice and Rose at the bottom of the stairs, both of them watched him walk up and out of sight. Alice didn’t seem to mind, and turned to face Rose, a smile still on her face.

‘No matter, I’ll go up and tuck him in when you go, I’m sure he’ll love that.’ Alice laughed. Rose smiled back, and tried to stop thinking that Peter was acting ungrateful in his own home. Alice fetched the key for Rose, informing her that the house was tidy and ready for her, then walked her to the front door.

‘Prince Charming will probably come to yours when he wakes.’ Alice stood by the open door, her voice a shade quieter knowing that Peter was upstairs and trying to sleep.

‘That’s fine, but if you want him to stay for dinner, I won’t mind being on my own.’

Alice nodded, but her face fell slightly. ‘Well, whatever what he decides, it’s lovely that you both want to visit. I know you’re busy with work, as is he, but I’m glad you’ve found the time for us.’

Rose held herself together to say goodbye to Alice, then began her walk through the village to her great aunt’s house. It was upsetting for Rose to see that Alice took such joy in seeing them, she wasn’t even her own child, but it was clear that the visit was something Alice had been looking forward to for a long while. Rose was jealous of Peter, to have a mother that cared for him, and wished that her own mother could be the same. Alice was nice enough to her, and it comforted Rose to know that she would act motherly towards her, but it wouldn’t be the same as the real thing.

Rose was reminded of how often she was alone when the house came into view. But unlike the other times Rose would feel sad or lonely in being alone, her great aunt’s house was not the place she felt lost. Opening the small front gate, putting the key into the door, the feeling of home washed over her, and it felt right to be experiencing it on her own.

Settling herself in was easy, Rose went around the house and opened all the windows, like she was waking up the building. Alice had done a great job in keeping the place clean, Rose found every surface to be spotless. As Rose made herself a pot of tea, her attentions soon grew to what was out in the garden. Rose knew that, if she were alive, Posey would’ve been five years old, and she tried to turn her mind away from imaging her running around the kitchen, holding onto her legs, calling her mummy. It was nice to be alone, but thinking of those who had been and gone in that house made her choke up slightly.

To rid herself of those feelings, Rose went out into the garden. The wind pulled at her hair, made her shudder and wrap her cardigan around herself, but it felt good to have the cold breeze over her body. When Rose stepped up to Posey’s grave, she closed her eyes and took deep breaths. Knowing that Posey would never tug at her skirts or demand to be held if she was scared upset Rose, and would continue to upset Rose, but as she stood there, with the air of spring washing over her features, there was a part of herself that thought there could be more happiness in the future, and that one day, she could have another child and attempt to feel as happy as she had been when Posey was alive.

Like Alice had predicted, as soon as Peter woke up, he made his way to Rose’s house. Rose had already been to the grocers to pick things up for dinner, taking the long way through the woods to bide her time and enjoy herself, and on Alice’s warning, had picked more food up than just for herself. As Rose was preparing dinner that evening, she heard the front door open, and knew straight away that it was Peter.

‘That smells good.’ Rose heard Peter say, and she turned to look over her shoulder to see that he made his way through to the kitchen, looking much better than he had that morning.

‘You must be starving.’ Rose said, turning back to the boiling pot on the stove. Rose heard the chair scraping on the floor, telling her that Peter was taking a seat, but wondered if she should’ve asked Peter for a hand with making dinner. Before she could ask, however, Peter started conversation.

‘That land next to the house, was it your great aunt’s?’

With a hand still stirring the contents of the pot, Rose turned to face Peter at the table. ‘It was, but it’s mine now. When auntie Edna died, she left me everything. The house, and a few fields around it.’

Peter pulled a face of surprise, then began to help himself to a cup of tea.

‘I think she wanted me to be looked after, so I had something to fall back on.’ Rose explained. ‘You never know when something like that could be useful, it was nice of her to think of me.’

Rose’s gaze lowered as she let thoughts of her great aunt enter her mind, they always elicited a smile. Hearing a scoff from Peter caught her out from the small daydream, and she looked up to him.

‘This place will set you up for life.’ Peter said with wide eyes. He then relaxed and placed an arm on the chair next to him. ‘Could be a little holiday home for when we get old. Somewhere to take the children, show them the countryside.’

Rose saw a smile cross Peter’s lips, and replicated one for good measure, but in truth, the comment had stunned her. Peter had never been so specific about their future before, not only had it shocked Rose, but upset her as well. It had been an immediate feeling, to think that Peter had pushed himself into a narrative of his own imagination, like he thought that the house was in his hands just as it was in Rose’s. However, as Rose thought about it more, she felt selfish to cut him out of any possible future, and that included the house as well.

As they ate dinner together that night, Rose put a brave face on for Peter, not verbally discouraging what he had said to her. Luckily, the matter wasn’t brought up again as they managed to find different things to talk about, but Rose still felt laden with the thought. Just that morning she had thought about their child, Posey, imagining her still alive and tearing around the kitchen, a dream that Rose knew wouldn’t come true. It had stunned Rose that Peter had thought of them having more children, as if the process was so easy and was expected. Rose let Peter talk about whatever story he thought was important to tell, but eyed him up, truly wondering if he was a man she could see herself settling down with.

Peter insisted that he clear up the dinner things when they finished eating, which pleased Rose to no end. They maintained their conversation, having moved onto the subject of buying houses in London, and the evening ended in a pleasant mood. Before Peter left, however, Rose gave a sweep over the kitchen and noticed that not everything had been put back into the right places, but thought to keep that to herself, rather than make Peter stay and meticulously return everything. Rose was feeling tired, she had risen very early that morning, and the day had worn her out. All she wanted, without making it seem rude, was for Peter to leave so she could get an early night.

‘It’s only nine, Rose, we could sit in the front room and talk more.’ Peter was trying his best to stay at the house, but Rose wasn’t going to fall for his playful smirk. In jest, she started pushing him to the front door.

‘I’m tired, Peter. And you haven’t spent time with your parents yet, they’ll be glad for the company.’ Rose bargained. Peter rolled his eyes, but ultimately gave in.

‘Alright, you’re still coming for dinner tomorrow though?’ Peter closed the gap between them both, bringing the back of his fingers to stroke Rose’s cheek tenderly, it was his trick, Rose had learnt.

‘Yes, I’ll be over at noon.’ Rose said softly.

Peter smiled sweetly, then lowered his head to catch Rose’s lips in his. The fingers that had been stroking Rose’s cheek slid into her hair, pulling her close to his body, making sure the kiss was one not forgotten in a hurry.

Rose was released from Peter’s grip, he left promptly, chuckling to himself over how flushed Rose’s cheeks were. Not wanting Peter to get the better of her, but knowing he left her glowing, Rose locked the front door and went about turning all the lights off. It was like Peter to leave her feeling red-faced, it was something he had become accustomed to whenever he dropped her back home after a night out, or when he’d drive her back to work after having lunch together.

Peter had stayed true to Rose’s wishes, and hadn’t pushed her into doing anything intimate. If anything, Peter was acting like a true gentleman, and Rose couldn’t fault him for it. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t tease, bringing her body close when they kissed was just one of the ways he’d toy with her. It was all done out of playfulness, Peter would never take it further than his usual limit, but Rose had to admit to herself, the more he’d make her blush and feel hot, the more she wanted relief from it. Leaving Rose to calm herself down after Peter’s advances was his way of being mischievous, and he knew exactly what he was doing.

Before Rose could settle herself, however, she was reminded of such behaviours when she entered her bedroom that night. Rose wouldn’t have been surprised if Peter was toying with her to remind her of what had occurred between them in that bed, many years prior. When she was dressed in her nightgown, Rose stood by her bed and thought about that time, it brought a wry smile to her lips. They had been so young, so desperate, yet, Rose had felt exactly the same the year before, but it hadn’t been Peter sharing her bed then.

Standing on her own, with nothing but owls hooting through the night, Rose closed her eyes and remembered how it felt to be with Tommy. He had touched her in ways Peter never had, Rose felt her thighs clenching at the thought. Rose felt she could’ve given anything to just feel that way again, but she didn’t know who she wanted to experience it with. It frustrated her in not knowing, and Rose opened her eyes in dismay. Thinking herself stupid for getting carried away, she pulled back the covers of her bed and got in, bringing the sheet up to her neck and holding it tight.

It was painful to not know what she wanted. Peter had just mentioned a possible future for them both, one where they were together and happy with children, and at one point in Rose’s life, that’s what she believed she wanted. Even though she loved her job, and the freedom London bought her, Rose felt that there was nothing shameful in wanting a family for her own, with children she could love and a husband she would cherish.

First, that man was Peter. When they were young, he had said all the right things to her, made her believe they had a future. That time had been long gone, however. Not only had Tommy attended to her, in ways Peter never had, he had been the one to help her sort through the pain of losing her great aunt. Rose knew she wouldn’t have been able to think clearly enough to sort out her affairs, and Tommy had taken the time out of his life to make sure everything went smoothly. Because of Tommy, Rose still had the house, and all the memories it held for her.

Luckily, the night wasn’t fraught with tossing and turning, Rose managed to sleep deeply till the morning. Waking up in her own bed felt so bittersweet, Rose didn’t know when the next time she’d be able to open her eyes to see her childhood bedroom. She whiled away the morning, not worrying about the time, or getting up to start the day.

Rose was surprised that Peter hadn’t visited her at the house, even if they were to meet up later in the day to have Sunday dinner. The way Alice had worded herself the previous day had Rose thinking Peter was keen to spend time with her rather than his own family, but as the morning carried on, Peter hadn’t made appearance. It wasn’t as if Rose was wasting her morning in anticipating Peter, but every time she heard a noise by the front door or in the hallway, she found herself checking in case he was there.

At noon, Rose locked up the house and made her way to Peter’s. A thought crossed her mind, walking to Peter’s for Sunday lunch was something she used to do when she was a teenager. The lunch would be quick, as Peter would always want to go out of the house to be in private. Rose smiled to herself, knowing that some things would never change with Peter.

As Rose walked into the kitchen, having been welcomed by Alice, she saw that the table was set up with a vase of flowers in the middle, she thought it looked too pretty for just a Sunday dinner, but seeing how excited Alice was in making sure everything looked neat, she decided not to make a joke about it. It was just Alice, John and Rose in the kitchen for a time, as Peter hadn’t made it downstairs for the day just yet.

‘Does he usually while away the morning?’ John asked, his eyes remained on the joint of beef he was carving, Rose by his side. She was trying, perhaps not so sneakily, to steal a small piece for herself when John wasn’t looking.

‘Well, the earliest I see him is at lunch time.’ Rose replied, crossing her arms, the edge of the counter digging into her back. ‘He meets me at work and takes me out to lunch sometimes.’

John looked over his shoulder to smile at Alice, and she returned it. Rose knew a knowing look when she saw one, and looked to Alice expectantly.

‘He can be such a gentleman sometimes.’ Alice cooed, she spent a moment in thought and shook her head, like she thought it was wonderful of her son to act in such a way. All the while, Rose watched her, happy that Alice could be so delighted with her own son. Rose was caught out when Alice suddenly met her gaze.

‘And those suits he wears.’ She gushed. ‘Couldn’t imagine anything finer.’

‘What’s that?’

Both Rose and Alice turned their heads to see Peter walk into the kitchen, still tucking his neat shirt into his trousers. It had been the same one he wore the day before, but Rose guessed that Alice had seen it was clean before he had put it on that morning. Peter maneuvered his way to stand by Rose, and gave her a kiss on her forehead in greeting. Without needing to look Alice’s way, Rose knew that she was beaming at them.

‘Your suits, son.’ John said, turning his head to look at Peter and Rose. ‘Very smart, you look a proper man in them.’

‘But he’ll still be our Prince Charming.’ Alice stepped forward to put a hand to Peter’s cheek. Peter could see it coming, however, and averted the attention by pulling his head back.

‘Mum, don’t.’ Peter muttered. Alice didn’t lose heart though, even if her face did fall for a moment. She brought her hand to Peter’s chest and patted him gently.

‘You’re still our little boy, Peter, no matter the suits you wear.’

Alice returned to the stove, preparing the pots, and Rose looked up to catch Peter’s expression. With all he had been through, Rose couldn’t understand why Peter hated the attention from his parents. She saw it through their eyes, having been without their child for so many years, it was natural for them to be coddling him whenever they had the chance. Even without having been missing for so long, Rose didn’t know what it was like to have parents like Peter’s.

‘Come on, kids, take a seat.’ John announced, and placed the joint of beef on the kitchen table. Rose was thankful for the distraction, feeling that the mood had somewhat changed when Peter had rejected his mother’s affections. Peter didn’t seem fazed by it, and quickly took his seat.

Rose kept offering Alice smiles throughout lunch, thinking that Peter had put her off in some way, but that wasn’t the case. Both Alice and John acted as if Peter hadn’t said a word in rebuking their affections, they shared stories with one another about what they were getting up to, as well as reminding themselves of memories of the past. Some were to embarrass Peter in some light, and Rose was glad he was reacting to them with just a roll of the eyes and a shake of the head. A memory of Peter running around with no clothes on throughout the house made him tut loudly, but the jovial laughter from John and Alice was enough to ignore it.

Rose sat and laughed with them, and complimented Alice on every vegetable she ate, as well as John’s carving, and in doing so, Rose felt true happiness in the familial comfort. Laughter at the dinner table was a rare occurrence with her parents, they daren’t say enough to warrant a cheery mood between them. Rose loved the idea that Alice and John were treating her as one of their own, she only wished that Peter was enjoying himself as much as she was.

Dinner ended with Alice’s home-cooked jam roly-poly, a dessert that Rose hadn’t had in a very long time, and one she was happy to eat.

‘I’ve thought about this pudding for a long time, Alice. It’s definitely my favourite.’ Rose complimented Alice, and it was received with a warm smile.

‘You should’ve come here more often when you used to visit, I would’ve been happy to make it for you.’

Rose returned the smile, but knew that she hadn’t felt welcome to theirs since Peter went missing. Rose feared that she would be the one to remind them of their son, and would’ve hated to have brought them more pain.

‘Right, now is as good a time as any.’ Peter pronounced, letting his spoon drop into his empty bowl. He had gathered the attention of his parents and Rose, who all looked his way.

‘I have something for you both.’ Peter leant to one side and grabbed an envelope from the back pocket of his trousers. It was slightly creased from having been sat on. With both hands, Peter held it out in front of him, Rose could see that the front of the envelope was blank.

‘I wanted to do this … well, just open it.’

Peter had faltered with his words, and conceded to passing the envelope across the table to his father. Both John and Alice looked to one another, abandoning their desserts to focus their attentions on the envelope. Alice leant in closer to John, watching him open the letter.

Rose waited with baited breath to see what Peter had passed them, she was unaware of what he was doing. She stared with rapture as well, watching John unfold the paper tucked inside. Rose looked up to see the reactions of Peter’s parents, and became confused when they stared in shock, and Alice suddenly burst into tears.

‘Oh, son!’ John’s voice cracked, he brought the back of his hand up to his mouth to try and gather himself. Alice let tears fall madly, and she leant over to bring Peter close to her, in a frenzied embrace.

Rose sat up and turned her head to all of them, still not understanding what was happening. It was Peter who filled her in, seemingly not as affected as his parents were.

‘Your mortgage, there’s no need to worry about it anymore.’ Peter managed a smile when John brought a hand over to his, gripping it tight.

‘Oh, Peter, thank you so much.’ Alice said through gasping breaths. Peter kissed his mother on her brow, then pulled away.

‘A little boy couldn’t do that, could he?’

Rose kept a smile on her face, but eyed Peter wearily. Even in a moment where he could’ve been humble, his cocky attitude had to make an appearance. Neither John or Alice noticed, however, they were still weeping and celebrating, spilling love for Peter with words of affection for him. Yet, despite his nonchalant reaction, Rose couldn’t help but think Peter had done an admirable thing. He had brought so much joy to his parents in a way they had least expected, and Rose felt happy for them.

The dinner things were forgotten about when John ushered everyone into the living room, opening up a bottle of wine to celebrate. With a drink in his hand, Peter was more jovial than before, and continued to receive the fondness from his parents. Rose only took a small glass of wine, not being used to its taste, but sipped it gratefully.

Alice and John were rereading the letter over and over again, confirming its contents to them like it could’ve disappeared without their knowing, and Peter took a seat next to Rose.

‘You’ve made them so happy.’

Peter shrugged and took a sip from his glass. ‘Always told them I’d help them out when I was younger.’

Rose nodded her head, taking in what he was saying. ‘It’s such a kind thing to do.’

A change occurred in Peter’s gaze, and Rose felt rooted to him. He brought his body closer to her, like he didn’t want his parents to hear what he was about to say. ‘I just want to look after the people I care about.’ He said in hushed tones. Rose lowered her head slightly, breaking the eye contact for only a moment.

‘That includes you, little Rosie.’

Rose wasn’t too fond of the nickname, not from Peter’s lips, but couldn’t help but feel nerves spike her body, a shiver ran down her spine. Peter knew the right way to speak to make her react in such a way. When Peter was sure his parents weren’t looking, he brought a hand over to Rose’s leg, placing it firmly, his fingers outstretch. Rose felt herself clench, the sudden touch had surprised her, but it felt welcome.

Rose was glad for the weekend away, she felt replenished from seeing the home, being reminded of her daughter in her resting place, and sharing a wonderful moment with Peter’s parents. On the train home, Peter chewed Rose’s ear off about what he was planning to do when he got home, emphasising that he wanted to stay out all night, despite the long journey they were taking. Rose let him say as much as he wanted, finding a small sense of peace in Peter stealing the conversation. It was something Rose was becoming used to, and there wasn’t a part of her that wanted him to stop at times. Peter talking meant Peter was alive, and then, sat there opposite him on the train, she was glad he was.

\-----

Peter continued to impress Rose after their weekend away, carrying on with the generous spirit he had from presenting his parents with their gift. Rose had mentioned it a few times since, reminding herself as well as Peter that it was a kind thing to do, and that if she had the opportunity, she’d have liked to do it for her parents.

‘Even if you wanted to, Rose, I doubt they’d want to see your face, let alone your money.’

Peter had made the snide comment, letting his immediate feelings known, and although Rose knew he was right, it still hurt. No matter the gripe Rose had with Peter over it, however, she didn’t think to chastise him for being cruel. Rose knew how he would’ve reacted, and thought it best to not create problems for herself. Peter could be sweet and kind most of the time, but Rose had found that his temper was better left not aggravated.

It wasn’t as if Rose was trying to tiptoe around Peter, as they had found their common ground with one another, and had settled into a routine. On Tuesday’s and Thursday’s, Peter would collect Rose from work at lunchtimes and treat her, always insisting that he’d pay the bill. Rose hadn’t forgotten the time that Peter had flashed his money, its bulging mass kept tight with a clip, she had averted her eyes almost instantly. The question still remained of what Peter truly did for a living, and the more Rose was given clues, the more she was desperate to know.

Every fortnight, Peter would persuade Rose to go to the Eden Club to drink and dance the night away, and Rose had to admit, it was something she ended up looking forward to. Her work had her stressed at times, nothing that Rose couldn’t handle, yet she always felt glad for the next second Saturday night to roll around. With a few girls from the boarding house, they’d put on makeup and show off new dresses with one another, the ritual was steeped in fun, Rose couldn’t remember when she had last spent her time so frivolously.

When they arrived to the club, Rose’s name would always be at the top of the list, knowing that Peter had his ways in making sure she was treated well. Despite the slight blush it drew to her face, Rose felt special, as it impressed her friends to no end. Then out on the dance floor, Rose truly let herself go, dancing with all the girls. Peter would make his way to her eventually, taking her hand and twirling her body into his. Sometimes it felt like they were the only two people in the room, and Peter always took the opportunity when a slow ballad started playing.

Despite all the apprehensions Rose had had about London, and the journey she had taken in coming to terms with her past, it was as if things couldn’t get any better. Even when Peter would want to continue the party in his house, Marco and himself gathering groups of people and telling them the address, Rose would join them without a second thought. Sometimes she surprised herself in staying out all night, Peter still being awake in the early hours of the morning to drive her home, leaving her with a frenzied kiss.

A kiss was their limit, no matter how intense it got. When back at the house, with so many people milling around and carrying on the party, Rose and Peter would find quiet moments to themselves. Rose remained poised to remind Peter of her wishes, but she needn’t have worried, as Peter had stayed true to them. He placed tender kisses over her jaw, trailing his lips down to the column of her throat, making Rose lose her breath. It was the simplest form of seduction, just tender kisses, but Peter had become the master of it. His eyes had shadows in them when he peered at Rose to see the affect he’d given her, and a smirk would always grace his lips. Rose would be breathless, her body spiking with nerves, and the temptation to ask for more fell to the tip of her tongue. It remained unspoken, however, as Rose managed to regain her senses, even with the pleasurable distraction.

Rose was soon believing that Peter was the valet in her life. She hadn’t forgotten the story Ms Harding had told her, and with more time passing, Peter was doing himself justice in making Rose believe that he was a man she could’ve spent the rest of her life with. Despite the slight hiccups in Peter’s temper, which only seemed to appear when he had a bad day at work, Rose truly felt that he was the one she loved. Remembering of how he spoke of their children, ones to possibly be a part of their future, had Rose hoping that it would perhaps one day come true.

Out of everything that had happened in Rose’s love life, out of the happiness and the longing with both Peter and Tommy, Rose had decided to try and move on. There seemed to be so much for the future, she found herself genuinely looking forward to it, and it had to be with Peter. They had come to a point of contentment with one another, Rose couldn’t ignore how he made her feels, and crucially, there was trust.

There was trust in that Rose knew Peter would never outstep a boundary she had placed, namely how she felt on intimacy. It felt good to have communicated her feelings to Peter, and for them to have been listened to. Rose wondered if that, one day, they would both finally address Peter’s work situation, hopefully coming to a point in their relationship where it didn’t have to be some grand secret, but till then, Rose remained happy.

As Rose made her way home one Friday evening, talking with her friend Vera about the plans they had made for the next night at the Eden Club, she felt the anticipation rise. Although many of her friends had tried her to make outings a weekly ritual, Rose had relented. The fortnightly occasion of partying was enough for her, and the time away from it made the expectation of it more exciting.

They entered the boarding house together, still chatting away about whatever appeased them, but were suddenly stopped short when Mrs Walker made an appearance through the door of her front room.

‘Oh, Rose, I need to speak with you.’

Vera left Rose and Mrs Walker to make her way up the stairs, knowing that it wasn’t her business to hang around. Mrs Walker had a worried look on her face, one that Rose hadn’t missed, so she stepped forward.

‘Someone called Ada left a message not long ago.’ Mrs Walker said, letting her face fall. ‘She sounded very upset, and wanted to know you if could visit her, as soon as you were free.’

Rose’s heart was pounding in her chest, unable to think clearly. Without needing to be told twice, Rose stepped out of the house once again. She didn’t give herself time to take off her work things, nor eat dinner, the way Mrs Walker had sounded so strained and affected by the message Ada had left worried Rose.

All sorts of thoughts ran through Rose’s mind as she sat on the bus, she couldn’t imagine who had been hurt, or what tragedy had occurred, her fingernails left crescent-shaped ridges in her palm due to how anxious she felt. When the bus stopped, Rose paced her way to Ada’s flat, with each step she was gathering speed, and she hoped that her nervousness wasn’t warranted. To think that she had been so panicked to find out that it was all for nothing etched itself into to back of Rose’s mind.

When the front door was reached, Rose knocked harshly, feeling the skin become hot in how much pressure she was putting on her knuckles. Nothing could’ve prepared Rose with what was behind the door, Ada opened it feebly, her cheeks fresh with tears.

‘Ada?’ Rose stepped through the threshold of the door, holding a hand out to grasp onto Ada’s, she found it shaking violently. A wail left Ada’s mouth, something that had tried to form into words, and Ada brought her arms around Rose, crushing her with her weight.

Rose felt her throat close up, Ada had leant herself against her, but she still wasn’t sure why she was so upset. Just seeing Ada in tears was enough to produce the same affect from her, and Rose felt tears prick at her eyes.

‘Ada, what’s wrong?’ Rose’s voice wavered, no matter how hard she tried to will the weakness away, the panic still set in.

Sniffing noisily and wiping her tears away with the back of her hand, Ada pulled back from Rose’s body. She shuddered a breath, an attempt to calm herself, and swallowed thickly.

‘It’s Freddie.’ She whimpered. Despite her best efforts in trying to stave away the tears, the kept falling. ‘He’s in the hospital.’

Without saying a word, Rose brought a hand to rest on Ada’s arm, using her thumb to stroke softly. Ada breathed raggedly, gulping in air to calm herself, but her hands still shook.

‘We thought it was just the flu, but I forced him to go to the doctors.’ Ada wept, but carried on regardless. ‘It’s Spanish Flu, he’s in quarantine now, I don’t know how long he’s got.’

Ada could barely make it to the end of her sentence before her face crumpled and she flung herself on Rose again. Rose hadn’t realised that she’d been crying until she felt wetness tinge her face, the tears that landed on Ada’s shoulder were soaking into the fabric and wetting her cheeks.

Just like that, the good feeling Rose had from the day was quashed. It was heart-breaking to hear that Freddie was sick, and with Spanish flu as well. Rose was no medical professional, but she knew how dangerous it was, the pandemic had been reported finished just a year prior. As she stood there, bearing the weight of Ada, Rose felt her hands gripping onto her body tight, feeling the pain that Ada was going through.

Rose’s face was crushed tight against Ada, but she managed to find her voice, even if it did sound muffled. ‘If you need anything, truly anything, I will be there for you. Doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of the night and I come around in my pyjamas,’ Rose heard Ada let out a wet laugh, ‘I will help you, alright?’

Rose felt Ada nod her head whilst tucked into the crook of her neck, then brought Ada closer to her, not leaving an inch of space between them.

The plans Rose had made for the next night were cancelled, she didn’t think she could bare pretending that she wasn’t upset. The girls and Mrs Walker had asked if she was well when she returned from Ada’s that night, Rose had been crying to herself on the way home, and had earned strange looks on the bus from it. She told them the horrendous news, and everyone wished her and Ada well. The feeling of dejection lasted all evening, and Rose couldn’t stomach eating dinner that night.

It wasn’t until the next evening until Rose got a chance to tell Peter she wasn’t going out. The girls in the boarding house had said they wouldn’t go out either, in solidarity for Rose, but she told them she wasn’t to be pitied on. Rose had spent the day at Ada’s, helping her with tidying the flat, seeing to Karl, and encouraging Ada to wash and dress for the day. Rose had returned to the boarding house that evening to eat dinner, and had made plans to go back to Ada’s to help put Karl to bed.

Peter turned up at the boarding house late, a time that Rose would’ve been looking forward to if she was ready to go out and party. By that time in the evening, however, she was exhausted from the day. Karl had kicked up a storm about being put to bed, screaming the house down whenever Rose had tried to tuck him up. It wasn’t her fault, Ada had said that it was usual of Freddie to read him to sleep, which only upset Rose more. Rose felt that she was doing more damage than helping, and felt awful that Ada had to hear her son screaming for his father.

Rose walked down the stairs in the boarding house to greet Peter, and immediately noticed the confused expression on his features.

‘Don’t tell me little Rosie isn’t coming out?’ Peter jested, opening his arms wide as he welcomed her.

‘I’m sorry, Peter, but we need to talk.’

Rose led Peter into the sitting room, already feeling her throat go dry at having to tell the story again. Peter had become immediately concerned for Rose, and his face turned serious when he stepped into the room.

‘My friend, Ada, well … her husband is ill.’ Rose started, but had to pause when she choked on her words. Peter took a step forward and placed his hands against Rose’s face, bringing her to look up at him.

‘He has Spanish Flu, she doesn’t know how long he’ll live for.’

Peter brought his arms around Rose, bringing her close like Rose had done for Ada. Only a few tears fell that time, Rose felt too exhausted to cry.

‘That’s awful, Rose, I’m sorry to hear it.’ Peter’s breath could be felt against Rose’s hair, and she sighed into his embrace. ‘I’ll be having all the fun tonight, then, you poor thing.’

Peter pulled his head back to give a small smile to Rose, one that wasn’t reciprocated. If Rose wasn’t so tired, she would’ve told Peter off for being so flippant in not saying the right thing when she was so upset. However, as she stood there, Rose felt too sleepy for words, and ushered Peter out of the house quickly so she could go to bed. Peter took the others girls from the boarding house to the club instead, not wanting to waste a good night, but Rose couldn’t care less.

Rose’s week changed from then on. She stayed true to her word and was at Ada’s beck and call, and Rose found herself staying at her flat most evenings to babysit for Karl. Although Freddie was in quarantine, it was safe for visitors, and Ada spent as much time as she could after work in seeing him. It exhausted Rose to go straight from work to Ada’s, then stay well into the night during the week, but she had made her promise, so planned on keeping it. Ada had mentioned lessening the amount of times she visited the hospital to give Rose a break, but Rose wouldn’t hear anything of it. It had been made clear by the doctors that they would do their best in keeping Freddie alive, having developed new techniques and practices after the pandemic, but there was never a solid answer to anything. Rose insisted that Ada spend as much time with Freddie whilst she still could.

Babysitting for Karl became easier when he started to get used to Rose. No longer did he scream for his father, which Rose was thankful for. The bedtime routine was new to Rose, Karl was able to do some things on his own, like wash his face and pick a story to read, but he needed help with his pyjamas and combing his hair. Rose relented in feeling emotional during those times, solely focusing herself on Karl and Karl alone. However, at the back of her mind, she knew her true feelings on the matter.

It should’ve been Posey’s hair she was combing, her face she was washing, her cheeks in which she was leaving kisses when saying goodnight. Rose knew it would’ve been selfish to stop babysitting Karl because of how upset she felt in thinking she was looking after the wrong child. Karl was so pleasant to be around, and any guilty feeling she had was willed away from just one gapped-tooth grin from Karl.

Despite the nasty guilt that crept up on Rose every now and then, she found her time with Karl enjoyable. It felt good in looking after him and doing her bit for Ada whilst she was going through the worst. The emotional support Rose gave Ada when she came home at night did exhaust her as well, but she knew it was the right thing. Times became tricky when Karl would ask after his father, a simple, ‘Where’s daddy?’, and Rose said the same thing every time.

‘Daddy’s gone somewhere to be looked after, and mummy goes to visit him.’

Rose knew her answer left more questions unsaid, some of which Karl had picked up on, but his lack of speech prohibited him from asking them. Before any questions were thought of, Rose always managed to distract Karl with a toy, or a new funny voice for a character in one of his books.

The support she was getting from Mrs Walker really saved Rose’s skin. Although she’d eat at Ada’s, there’d be a small meal waiting for her when she got home at the boarding house as well. Mrs Walker had given her strict instructions to finish the plate, telling her that the exhaustion would only get worse if she wasn’t eating enough to combat it. It was only a small amount of care on Mrs Walker’s part, but it was greatly appreciated.

Peter was also helping Rose, he had insisted in driving her from work to Ada’s as a way to save money. Not only that, but it cut her journey down by quarter of an hour, meaning Ada could get off to the hospital earlier. Every time Peter had dropped Rose off, he left her with a kiss, and had never once complained about her busy evenings. Rose had expected Peter to tire of the routine, to end up trying to convince Rose out of babysitting, but Rose had been surprised.

There was one evening, Rose had lost count in what night it was for her going to Ada’s, and Peter still retained his decent mood. Before he placed a kiss on Rose’s lips, he let a thought slip from his mind.

‘I was thinking about this earlier, actually, but when this is all over, maybe Ada could return the favour and babysit for our children.’ Peter smiled. Rose didn’t say anything in return, but leant over and kissed Peter. When Rose pulled back, Peter had his signature smirk etched on his lips, like the cat who got the cream. It wasn’t till later that night, when Karl was tucked into bed and Rose was dozing on the settee that she realised what Peter had said.

Rose knew that Peter wasn’t always so graceful in his words, his smirk and kisses were enough to charm her. In saying that, Rose thought that his wording in the car wasn’t right. She wondered if Peter just hadn’t thought through his sentence before saying it, like some people had trouble with.

‘When this is all over.’

Those words kept reappearing in Rose’s mind, there was something about them that she couldn’t let go of them. She didn’t know if Peter had said them nonchalantly, if he meant a time when everything was better, but Rose was second guessing herself. It wasn’t in Peter’s character to make blasé comments, he was a man with conviction. If Rose was right, and Peter had meant the comment in his true way, it was heartless of him to say it to her face. However, Rose could’ve had the wrong end of the stick, she was exhausted like all the nights before and it could’ve been her mind playing tricks on her.

Even if Rose did suspect that Peter was being cruel, she wouldn’t have gathered the courage to ask him about it. Not only did she refrain from confronting him on such matters before she started babysitting for Karl, now that she was, the last thing she wanted to do was annoy Peter. The lack of sleep was draining her to no end, and Peter was one of the few holding her up.

Usually, when Ada returned home at ten, Rose would only stay for a few minutes to make sure she was alright, then go home herself. However, it was becoming more common for Ada to find Rose asleep on the settee, and she’d hate having to shake her gently to wake her. The same happened that night, the food that Ada always put by for Rose went untouched as she had napped on the settee, and Ada went about waking her.

‘Rose.’ Ada wouldn’t raise her voice too high, worrying that Karl would wake because of it. A thin smile appeared of her lips when Rose started stirring. At realising she had fallen asleep, Rose’s eyes shot open and she sat up.

‘Sorry, Ada.’ Rose rubbed her eyes harshly. ‘I was … I just-’

‘It’s alright, love.’ Ada smiled. ‘Come on, I’ll walk you to the steps.’

Although Rose would’ve rather led back and slept the night through, she couldn’t do so on Ada’s settee, so stood up and stretched. Together, Rose and Ada walked out of the flat and down the flight of stairs, as Ada always did. They stopped at the door, kissing one another on the cheek.

‘You alright in getting back?’ Ada asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

‘You always ask that question.’ Rose breathed a smile. ‘I somehow manage to make it back every night, I’m not the one you should be worrying about.’

‘Yeah, well, that’s all I can do now, worry.’ Ada rolled her eyes. ‘You, Karl, Freddie.’

‘What about yourself?’ Rose suggested. She raised her brows, it was her way of trying to get Ada to think outside what was happening, but there was no such luck.

‘I’m not important right now.’ Ada sighed, and Rose thought not to bring the matter up again.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Ada.’

‘Rose.’ Ada spoke out, and Rose paused, her hand on the handle of the door, poised to open it.

‘When everything’s back to normal, we’ll do something together.’ Ada tried to force a smile on her lips, and Rose saw tears start to form at her eyes. Ada willed them away, however, refusing to break down.

Rose was proud that Ada was trying her best, and as well as her, hoped that there would be a day in the future where things would be alright. ‘Of course, Ada. We’ll go out to a club and go mad.’

Ada let out a laugh, the tears in her eyes glistened in the light, but they hadn’t yet rolled down her cheeks. Although it was a pained smile, Rose knew that there was hope for Ada.

Rose wasn’t sure what odds Freddie had for recovering, but she knew that treatments were better than when the pandemic was occurring. Ada had mentioned before that the quarantine facilities were keeping him alive for as long as they could, they had never eluded to him getting better, but Ada wanted to take that as a good thing, since no one had said he was a lost cause. That idea seeped into her mind, and Ada refused to miss an evening of not seeing Freddie. She was upset that Karl couldn’t see his father, but knew that it would’ve been dangerous to have a child in such an environment, so heavily relied on Rose.

In turn, Rose was relying on Peter to drive her to Ada’s every evening. Rose hoped that Peter would continue his charitable deed until she wasn’t needed anymore, but she knew that his work could have him working odd hours. However, since Rose had started babysitting, Peter had been good as gold. Even on the third Friday, he still seemed to be in good spirits. Rose was to be proved wrong, however.

‘You know, it’s Friday night.’ Peter mentioned as he parked the car in front of Ada’s flat. ‘The Eden Club have this band in, and they’re really good.’

‘Then you’ll have a nice night.’ Rose said, dismissing him as she realised the hidden message.

‘Rose.’ Peter said, and Rose turned to look at Peter, seeing the familiar look in his eye. ‘Come on, let’s just go to the club tonight. It’s been so long since you’ve done something for yourself. Just have some drinks and have a nice time.’

‘I can’t, Peter.’ Rose sighed. A small part of her wished she could have fun, though, but in doing so, Rose knew she’d feel incredibly guilty, and that would’ve stayed with her.

‘It’s just for one night, you need to relax after everything.’ Peter persisted, gesturing with his hands like it was an obvious statement.

‘Peter, please.’

Rose saw how the light expression Peter previously had on his features fell, his lip stiffened and eyes lowered. ‘Fine, go.’

It wasn’t how Rose wanted to leave Peter, but with him seemingly finding himself in a sour mood, she didn’t want to be around him anymore. She opened the car door, not saying goodbye to him, and thought it better that she’d have something to occupy her mind over, rather than staying with Peter.

Rose’s attentions were elsewhere when she looked after Karl, but when she finally had a free moment, it was spent thinking about Peter. She felt ridiculous that his attitude had bothered her so much, as she knew she was doing the right thing. It was frustrating that Peter couldn’t see it in the same way. Rose couldn’t think what had happened since the previous night, where he had given her a kiss as a goodbye. Friday nights weren’t even the time Rose usually went out, but Peter was annoyed about something.

It wasn’t until the Monday when Rose felt the entirety of Peter’s wrath. The weekend had gone without a word from him, he’d usually make his way over on Saturday evening to see her, but he had remained elusive until Monday afternoon. Rose wasn’t even sure if he would’ve thought to pick her up after work, but he had surprised her by waiting outside his car.

Peter had offered a small smile for Rose, one she didn’t want to believe was strained, but she was feeling the frosty atmosphere when she got into the car. Peter had only greeted her, then had kept his lips shut as they began the drive to Ada’s flat. Rose wasn’t too sure in why he was being so quiet, and had thought to ask him if something was wrong, but stopped herself. Asking if something was wrong may have opened a can of worms, any temper that Peter might’ve been in could’ve been released, and the last thing she wanted was Peter ending up in a bad mood.

The silence was awful, however. Rose wanted to put off edging Peter into a bad mood, but she felt uncomfortable with no conversation, knowing that Peter looked as if he had something to say.

‘Did you have a nice weekend?’ Rose asked politely She kept her voice light, not daring to elude to asking more than necessary, but Peter was predictable.

‘Yeah.’ He sighed, air blowing out of his nose harshly, his gaze fixed on the road ahead. ‘Drank, partied, gambled, the usual. You should’ve been there.’

‘Gambling, I don’t think so.’ Rose tried to make a joke out of the situation, an attempt to lighten the sour mood Peter was in, but it fell flat.

Peter scoffed. ‘At least we would’ve spent time with one another.’

Again, Rose tried ease the conversation. ‘We’re spending it together now, aren’t we?’ Rose knew she had said wrong when Peter turned to give her a stern look. She braced herself when he parked the car out the building, knowing that worse was about to come.

‘Because I work all week to spend ten minutes in the car with you.’ Peter had turned in his seat to face Rose, arm over the steering wheel. ‘I want to spend time with you, do the things we did before. I want to take you dancing and to dinner, but babysitting always has to come bloody first!’

Peter used a mocking tone, one he knew would rile Rose up, but he wanted her to be as annoyed as he was.

‘Babysitting comes first because Ada needs me.’ Rose felt her top lip curl in anger, hating the idea that Peter was being so selfish. She was matching his tone and gestures, refusing for him to get the upper hand. ‘Her husband is sick, no one knows if he’s going to live. She’s my friend and I know she’s do the same for me.’

‘Well, it’s not like-’

Rose’s brows furrowed as Peter stopped himself from finishing his sentence. Peter scoffed again and shook his head, turning his gaze to look out onto the street for a moment, as a way to compose himself. A small part of Rose wanted to dare him to finish his sentence, but she regained herself when he looked back to her, steely eyes meeting her own.

‘I don’t know when it’ll get back to normal, but till then, Ada comes first.’ Rose stated, and she meant every word. At hearing how Rose was persistent in her ways, Peter clenched his jaw. To prevent himself from saying something he’d regret, he brought a hand to his jaw to rub against it, occupying his mind for a few short moments. Once again, he looked out of the window in front of him.

Rose didn’t give herself or Peter a chance to say goodbye, as soon as he looked away from her, she opened the car door and stepped out. In a moment of emotion, Rose slammed the door behind her, her heart quickened in pace at imagining how annoyed Peter would’ve been by it, but she kept her back to him as she climbed the steps to the front door and hid a smile to herself. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. When Rose knocked on Ada’s door, she was pushing the thoughts of Peter out of her mind. As soon as she crossed the threshold into the flat, her priority was Karl.

When the door opened, Rose offered Ada a smile, pretending that she hadn’t just had an argument. ‘Hello.’

‘Come in, love.’ Ada said, and opened the door wider. As Rose walked through, Ada kept her eyes on Rose, thinking it was odd that she seemed unfazed. ‘Is everything alright?’

Rose stopped, eyes focusing on Ada’s for a moment, then continued in taking her coat off. ‘Yes, why?’

‘I heard you outside, I think the whole street heard.’

Rose turned her head away as she placed her bag by the coat rack, and she closed her eyes in defeat. She hadn’t realised they had been talking so loudly. ‘Yeah … it’s fine.’

‘You sure?’ Ada stepped forward once, catching Rose’s attention.

‘It’s fine, you need to get going.’

‘Alright, but I can be here for you, I owe you that much at least.’

Ada didn’t stay for much longer, Rose had said all she needed on the situation, and in truth, she felt embarrassed. All the while that Rose looked after Karl, she couldn’t push the thoughts of Peter from her mind, no matter how much she wanted to. She felt it wasn’t fair that Peter had raised his voice to her, clearly getting the attention of the whole street around them. Not only was it embarrassing that he’d done that, but what he’d said as well.

Rose couldn’t understand why he was so angry. Peter had given his reasons, but none of them were rational, he was just acting selfish. It was made worse in Ada offering a shoulder to cry on. Rose didn’t want to rely on Ada, she was going through her own traumas, much worse than her own, and it wouldn’t have been fair in burdening her with problems that were so insignificant in comparison. Even if Rose felt she needed to tell someone about Peter’s changing attitude, the only person she’d feel comfortable in telling was Ada, and Rose knew that was out of the question.

\-----

Weeks passed still, and Rose kept her promise to Ada in turning up every evening during the week to look after Karl. Ada had stopped seeing Freddie on the weekends, finding herself exhausted by Saturday morning after having such a busy week, which also meant Rose had her weekends back. They were usually spent in bed, catching up on lost sleep, her social life had become dormant because of it. Friday nights were ones to look forward to, as Rose knew it was the last night till the weekend, and come the morning, she could spend as much time in bed as she wanted. Rose had jogged from the bus stop to Ada’s building, checking her watch with every corner she turned. When she got inside, Ada was waiting for Rose by the door to her flat, holding it open with one foot.

‘Hello, sorry I’m late.’ Rose panted as she reached the top of the stairs.

‘Is he still not driving you?’ Ada asked, and Rose shook her head. It had been three weeks since Peter had met Rose after work. He had bared his opinions to drive her for just a week more after his outburst, but from then on, Rose hadn’t heard a peep from him. As Rose approached Ada, she relented in showing any issue in the matter. Despite her feelings for Peter, she didn’t want to bother Ada with them.

‘My offer still stands, if you want to talk I’m here.’

The offer was tempting, Rose had to brush it off. ‘No, you need to go anyway, to see Freddie.’

Ada pursed her lips and skimmed her eyes over Rose’s forlorn expression. ‘Alright,’ she conceded, ‘just remember, there’s more to life than the trouble men bring.’

Rose smiled at the thought, thinking that such advice was easier spoken in haste rather than put into practice. Rose forgot about it for the time being as she put her things away and went about looking after Karl. Karl was excited to see Rose that night, and was especially good in behaving himself. No longer did he give her any grief, which made Rose’s job much easier. As she did every night, Rose left Karl with a kiss on his cheek, then left him to sleep soundly in his room.

Like many nights before, Rose was left to collapse on the settee in the living room. She had taken the sandwiches, left neatly on a plate in the kitchen, and placed the plate on her lap. For a while, she picked at them, first tearing the crusts off the bread, ripping segments off and placing them into her mouth, whiling away the hours until she could go home.

It was during those times, then more than ever, that Rose thought about Peter. Before the tragedy of Freddie becoming sick, Rose thought her life had been planned out, and that she was ready to take everything in her stride. She felt that she was ready to do all of those things and more with Peter. Rose couldn’t have planned how he’d react to her babysitting all the time, she didn’t think that he could be so selfish. But to know how he truly felt left a funny taste in her mouth.

Rose wondered how she would react if someone close to her got sick like Freddie, namely if Peter got sick. It would’ve been awful, and Rose would’ve regretted thinking so poorly on him beforehand. Life seemed so fleeting at times, Freddie was a picture of health before being struck down with Spanish Flu, it was like no one was safe. Rose wondered, because life seemed so unpredictable at times, if she could put up with Peter’s brusque nature for the rest of her life. She had already imagined that he might’ve been the one she’d marry and have children with. Yet, as Rose sat there, she realised that Peter still hadn’t mentioned the word marriage to her. He had invented all these scenarios for them both, having children, holidaying in the house in Derbyshire, Ada babysitting for them, but he hadn’t even uttered the word marriage. Rose tried to think about rectifying that by mentioning the word herself, but if Peter was acting like a child every time Rose had to put someone else in front of him for a while, she didn’t know if she wanted to.

Peter had treated her so well when it seemed to suit him, the car he drove to impress her, the beautiful dresses and the expensive meals as well, but they were all things, surface-level luxuries. Rose had never been into the affluent lifestyle that Peter was accustomed to, the partying, drinking and gambling were not exploits she planned to make a regular occurrence in her life. Yet, they seemed to be the things that Peter enjoyed the most; that, and his job.

When Rose had finished the sandwiches, she leant forward to place the plate on the small table, then collapsed back into the pillow. Her body was lying almost flat, her head being propped up by the pillow behind her neck, but she didn’t care that it would’ve hurt when she straightened herself. Rose’s eyes started drooping slightly, but a glint on her chest stopped her. With her chin almost flush with the skin on her chest, she looked down and saw her necklace.

Rose always wore it, it was her favourite piece of jewellery. Since wearing it every day was a ritual for her, Rose smiled to herself in thinking that the necklace brought her comfort. The comfort came from the time of her life when she received it, the Christmas before her family’s secret was found out, when Rose was just living for herself and enjoying all she could with Tommy before it all could’ve turned on her. The comfort also came from the person who gave it to her.

If put in the situation himself, Rose knew that Tommy wouldn’t have acted the same way Peter had. Rose guessed it would’ve been down to maturity, with Tommy having a few more years on his shoulders that Peter. But they had both gone through the war, seen horrors for themselves, and Rose wondered why that wasn’t the reason Peter ended up like Tommy. Peter had changed, but not in a way that was convenient to Rose. Before the war, Peter was young, and full of ideas and passion, that was why she fell for him. Rose didn’t know what Tommy was like before the war, and assumed that he must’ve been a different person as well.

It was a shock to think it herself, but Rose almost wished that she was living her old life. Her old life was in Small Heath, but Rose remembered thinking that she used to call living in Derbyshire with her great aunt her old life. She smiled to herself in realising how times had changed before her eyes. When Rose had moved back to Small Heath, the first few months were spent in anguish, wishing that she was back living with auntie Edna. Then, just a few months living in London, Rose wanted to be back living with her parents, even with what had happened between them. Rose didn’t like the idea that she was so finicky with herself, that she couldn’t seem to live in one place for very long.

It was truly frustrating, but it was how Rose felt. In that time of reflection, Rose thought back to Small Heath, working for the Shelby’s, living with her parents, it seemed world’s away. The ambiguity of her relationship with Tommy was something that frustrated her as well, and thought things would’ve been made shades better if just either of them had had the courage to say what they truly felt. Rose wished that Tommy had said something to her before everything changed, to tell her that she didn’t have to go to London and start a new life, and that he wanted to spend his life with her.

In truth, Rose wanted, almost needed, Tommy to say the word marriage to her. To imagine that Tommy wanted to commit to her forever would’ve made Rose stay, she was sure of it.

Yet, it would’ve felt like a waste at that time, with all she had been through with Peter. What was happening to Freddie was an anomaly that neither of them could’ve predicted, and Rose couldn’t put all blame and bad feeling on Peter because he didn’t know how to act in an unprecedented situation.

Rose sighed loudly and closed her eyes. She was in a rut, and she couldn’t work out her thoughts to save her life. It was maddening to not know what was to happen next, nor know what could’ve been if she had just opened her mouth to say the right thing.

\-----

Rose still felt fraught in her feelings, but kept reminding herself that she wanted to feel at home in London. Believing that she couldn’t live in one place for too long didn’t sit well with her, and Rose wanted to at least try and make the situation better for herself. Nothing could be helped in the situation with Ada, she was still seeing Freddie in the hospital every night during the week, it was miraculous that he had stayed alive for that long. It was then more than ever that Ada was becoming scared, finding it hard to believe that he could’ve fought the illness for so long, and she knew that time must’ve been running out.

Despite not lessening the amount of times she babysat, Rose was determined to go out one Saturday night. It had been too long in which she had seen Peter, and although they left on sour terms, Rose wanted to try and make things better. If she didn’t try for herself, Rose would’ve been acting as she always had in scared of finding out the truth, and would’ve never known what could’ve been. By taking things into her own hands, Rose felt nervous and excited, as she wanted to surprise Peter in the club.

Rose had spent most of her day in bed, waking at nine, then had taken a nap for an hour in the afternoon, it was normal for her to do so since the babysitting had begun. However, unlike the previous Saturday nights where she’d have a cup of tea then head to bed early, she was up with the other girls in the boarding house, slipping on a glittery dress and applying makeup, and trying to have a good time. She was trying to beat the lag that came with tiredness, refusing to let that bother her ability to have a good time. The girls were thrilled that Rose was joining them to the Eden Club at last, and were constantly checking up on her to make sure she was still going with them, perhaps fearing that she’d back out at some point.

At a time when Rose would usually be tucked up into bed, she was heading out with the girls. They couldn’t rely on Peter to drive them, not only was Peter not talking to Rose, of which the girls didn’t know about, but they were in on the game that Rose was going to the club to surprise him. They walked, the night wasn’t too cold at least, and giggled and jested all the way there.

‘He’ll be so happy to see you, Rose!’ Vera said, her arms linked with Rose’s as they walked along the pavement.

‘He’ll get the surprise of his life!’ Another girl, laughed. From the shrillness of her voice, Rose knew it was Ellen who had spoken.

‘Let’s hope so.’ Rose said under her breath. In her mind, it seemed like a plan that couldn’t go wrong. When they had talked last, Peter had said that he was bothered by the fact that they never did anything together anymore, going to the club was something they had both enjoyed, therefore he should’ve been happy that she was making the effort. Perhaps it could’ve come sooner rather than later, but Rose couldn’t help all of the times she had been too tired for a night out, and was more determined than ever to be with him.

The Eden Club was as busy as ever, with a queue of dolled up party-goers beginning to shiver from having to wait outside. Rose did what she always did, and walked up to the men in the Italian suits to be let inside. What she hadn’t realised was that her name wouldn’t have been on the list, since Peter wasn’t in the know of her arriving that evening. Rose had stood expectantly with the girls behind her as the man look down at the paper in his hand, and Rose felt her heart fall.

‘Wait, Pietro’s girl?’ A man behind the one with the guest list cut in front to address them, his poor English accent wasn’t bad enough for Rose to not understand him. Rose nodded vigorously, and another man, standing just inside the open door, tapped her saviour on the shoulder and nodded as well. Seeing him wave his hand as a gesture to let them in, Rose felt her body relax. There were some good things about Peter, at least, and him knowing those who worked the club was one of them.

Rose and the girls walked into the club, she was immediately trying to scan the room to see if Peter was there that night. The dance floor was packed, and around it people milled about in large groups, Rose tried to stand on her toes to see around them, but it was hopeless. Vera took Rose gently by the arm and nodded over to the bar.

It took a bit of elbow pushing to make it to the front of the bar, Vera used her sharp elbows to make the people part, and they tried to get the attention of the bartender. Rose saw one of the men look her way, and he left the person he was serving to bring over a glass of champagne. Once placed in front of her, the bartender gave a smile and a nod, as if he wasn’t expecting anything for it, presenting it like a gift for her.

‘And for my friend?’ Rose thought to ask, thinking herself cheeky in doing so. The bartender stepped away for only a moment, and presented Vera with the same glass of champagne. Both Rose and Vera said their thank you’s, and looked to one another with confused but amused expressions.

‘This is why we wanted you to come out with us, you get all the perks by knowing Peter.’ Vera giggled, and took a leisurely sip from her drink. Rose in turn took a drink from her own glass, then kept gulping until all the alcohol was gone.

‘Ready for a dance, then?’ Vera asked, impressed that she had downed her drink so quickly.

‘No.’ Rose said, and placed her glass back down on the bar. Before she could speak to Vera, the bartender hurried over to grab Rose’s attention, both girls looked to him.

‘Another?’ He asked, but Rose shook her head. With her eyes lingering on the bartender, Rose finished what she was going to say.

‘I’m going to look for Peter, you go and enjoy yourself.’

Vera nodded and went off into the crowd, not needing to be told twice to have fun. That left Rose to look for Peter, but she wasn’t so worried now that she didn’t have the other girls to think of. Rose walked the length of the bar, edging passed groups of people, apologising at times when she accidently bumped into someone. There was a gap of space just to the left of the bar, near the corner of the room. Around her were the private booths, places where Peter would usually take her to drink after they’d danced to a few songs when they were at the club together, so stood in one place and sought him out.

Rose’s intuition had been right, as she finally spotted Peter sat with other people, some dressed like him in the fine Italian suits, some flapper girls as well, and she made a start to walk to him. Peter hadn’t noticed Rose yet, he was too busy laughing with the people around him, but Rose didn’t mind.

Still without having seen Rose, she watched as Peter leant forward to the table in front of him, bringing his face close to the surface, then sniffed in the substance that was on it. There was no need to guess just what kind of substance it was, and Rose stopped dead in her tracks. As if standing still was the best way to be seen in a busy club, Peter lifted his head and his eyes landed on Rose, his expression falling in surprise.

Rose couldn’t even form words on her lips, her eyes were blown wide with shock, and she didn’t move an inch as she saw Peter get up from his table and approach her. As Peter grabbed her arm, Rose heard him mutter curses under his breath, and he took them both through one of the various doors along the lengthy hallway. Peter knew that the private rooms weren’t in use that night, so thought it the best place to talk with Rose.

All the while that Rose was guided to the room, she tried to gather her thoughts, but the only thing she could feel was disappointment. She had never seen Peter do such a thing before, he had never entertained the notion even when it was around him on previous nights out. Rose wasn’t naive to its existence, many of Peter’s friends had snorted coke in front of her, but Peter had always muttered to Rose that he never touched the stuff. And she had believed him.

‘What are you doing here?’ Peter asked, his hands on his hips and a stern look on his features. Rose breathed in deep and steeled her eyes towards Peter, there was no way that he’d get the better of her in the argument they were about to have.

‘I came to surprise you, seems that you were in the mind to surprise me.’ Rose sneered, and crossed her arms in irritation. Rose knew by Peter’s immediate reaction that the subject would’ve been sensitive to him, one he’d rather have kept in the dark, but it was out in the open, just by chance, and Rose refused to pretend that it hadn’t happened.

Peter scoffed, and Rose wanted more than ever to wipe the smug look from his face. ‘You didn’t answer my question, why are you here? Guess you’re not babysitting for your friend?’

‘No!’ Rose spat, harsher than she had intended. To stop the situation from escalating, Rose used a calmer tone. ‘I came here to see you. To spend time with you, like you wanted.’

‘When it suits you.’ Peter muttered instantly. Although spoken quietly, Rose knew Peter wanted to be heard, so she took the bait.

‘What?’

Peter pierced his gaze on Rose, her was staring at her with indignation, and it made her feel uncomfortable to be looked at in such a way. ‘You should’ve told me you were coming.’

Rose could feel that they were coming to a standstill, Peter seemed to be in no mind to apologise for what he had just done, and Rose felt too tired to care anymore. ‘Well, you don’t have to worry, I’m leaving. I’m not staying around to watch you put that poison up your nose.’

Rose wanted to make a quick exit, but Peter was in the way of the door. That, and he wasn’t done in arguing with her. To grab her attention once more, he scoffed loudly.

‘Don’t be a prude, Rose, it’s only a bit of fun.’

‘Fun, right.’ Rose rolled her eyes, hardly believing what she was hearing.

With his hands still on his hips, Peter bent down slightly, as if he was trying to intimidate Rose. With Peter closer to her, Rose couldn’t miss the smell of alcohol on his breath, and her nose crinkled in disgust.

‘What would you know about fun? For God’s sake Rose, can you blame me? I’m not gunna twiddle my thumbs and wait for you like some housewife. I want to enjoy myself, for fuck’s sake.’

At smelling Peter’s breath, Rose wanted to relent in arguing further, knowing that anything she said would’ve passed through his mind without spending a second inside it. Yet, she had told herself off for not standing up for herself beforehand, and she felt so angry at Peter being so complacent and rude that she didn’t want to let it slide that time.

‘Fine, you stay here and have fun. Don’t think about anyone else other than yourself, God forbid you grow a heart in the next five seconds!’

No matter how intoxicated Peter was, he always found something to bite back with. ‘Don’t act like you’re the innocent one. Little Rosie, oh, she’s an angel, she’ll do no harm!’ Peter mocked, and Rose recoiled in shock.

‘Go home, you’re not wanted here anyway!’

As Peter finished speaking, Rose pushed passed him, knocking into his body and making him stumble back a few paces. She didn’t want to stay to be belittled by him, not anymore.

The walk home was horrible, Rose played the argument over and over in her mind, not forgetting how vulgar and nasty Peter had been, and at times, frightening. He spoke to her like she was a little girl, like snorting coke was something to not be ashamed of, and her worrying after him was a ridiculous notion that made no sense. Rose was too angry to cry, the frustration made her groan out loud and stamp her feet on the pavement, it didn’t matter if people saw her and thought her crazy.

‘How dare he!’ Rose said to herself, wide eyed and still fraught with ire. It was another argument to add to the list, and it felt unfair because Peter had been intoxicated with alcohol, she didn’t know if he would’ve remembered it by the morning. Rose brought her hands to her head, her fingers gripping into her hair tightly, and she sighed weakly.

By the time Rose got back to the boarding house, her nerves had calmed, but she felt wide awake. She had debated a few times in whether she should’ve gone to Ada’s to talk, the offer had always been there for her, but it was a stupid time in the night, and Rose still hated the idea of putting her own problems in front of Ada’s.

Rose turned the key in the front door, then got the fright of her life after seeing Mrs Walker, who was stood right outside of her living room door and had stopped at the sound of someone letting themselves into the house.

‘Rose, you’re back early, everything alright?’

Rose wanted to shake her head, because nothing seemed right at all. Her mind was still reeling over what had happened, but Mrs Walker was not the type of person that would’ve understood the lifestyle Peter seemed committed to, and feared it could’ve given her a reason to be kicked out by knowing such a person. Rose assured Mrs Walker that everything was fine, that going out was a mistake because she was tired, then proved it by heading to her room straight away.

Once out of the vicinity of her landlady, Rose realised how lonely she felt, it seemed there was no one she could’ve talked to. With her back against her door, Rose closed her eyes.

‘What a mess.’

Rose almost gave herself whiplash at remembering something. For some reason, it was at that moment she remembered what she had said to Polly, when they were sat in the Garrison during her short visit. Polly hadn’t been sure of it herself, but she had said there would’ve been one way to find out.

Still dressed in her evening garb, Rose walked towards her small writing desk, one she had used to write Polly letters at times, and sat on the chair in front of it. The lamped was switched on, Rose picked up her pen and she stared at the paper.

Rose knew it in her heart that the one person she wanted to speak with at that moment was Tommy. He’d be the one to understand her, he wouldn’t have treated her like a little girl, nor would Rose have any worry in sharing her feelings to him. He’d give her the time to speak, and would truly listen to her. Before Rose could organise her thoughts, her hand was working against the paper.

_Tommy, I miss you._

A simpler statement couldn’t have been written. Rose looked down at her work, her truest feelings, and felt her breath catch in her throat. She missed Tommy, she wanted Tommy, she needed Tommy. But those four words weren’t enough for a letter, and Tommy would’ve thought her ridiculous in sending such a short message. Yet, there was nothing else of importance to say, not after Rose had admitted the truth to herself.

Rose dropped the pen and slumped back into her chair, feeling defeated. She had been the one to go to London, thinking Peter had the right idea, she had been the one to get a job and try something new for once, but it had all come back to bite her. Rose wasn’t sure how Peter would be after sobering up, she hoped that he’d at least have the decency to apologise to her for being awful, but that would’ve have quashed the feelings of yearning.

Yearning for Tommy. Rose tried not to let that feeling die, and once again, began writing a new letter to Tommy, then another, then another, each not conveying the right words. In total, there were six unfinished letters, all of them beginning with the same four words, but Rose lost her mind in trying to say more than that. Instead of throwing them away, she tucked them into the small drawer to be remembered at a later date.

For the first time in a long time, Rose missed Small Heath. That, or she missed Tommy.

\-----

The unfinished letters remained a part of Rose’s thoughts for the days that followed after writing them. They hadn’t been touched since, staying in their place, tucked away in the drawer of her desk. Rose found herself looking over at the drawer from time to time, like eyeing it up in a dare. However, looking longer than a few seconds made her lose her nerve, and they never saw daylight.

Despite her reluctance in wanting to confront the letters, Rose still believed in wanting to speak to Tommy. There had been times when she went to Ada’s flat where she thought to ask her for the number to Tommy’s new office, but Rose knew it was a sore subject to bring up. Rose almost considered writing to Polly to ask for it, but didn’t want to seem suspicious. Rose knew that the time would come where she’d be so desperate to talk to Tommy that it’d just happen.

Rose hadn’t heard a word from Peter either, not since the dreaded night in the club. Two weeks had passed, and it was like he had vanished into thin air. Rose was grateful in some respects that they didn’t have friends in the same circles, there wouldn’t have been a chance in running into one another, yet Rose still felt she needed an apology from him. The space they had given to one another was enough to heal from the harsh words, but Rose wasn’t going to be the first to approach out of them both, if Peter meant well, he’d think to go to her first.

It was a Monday, Rose could feel her stomach starting to grumble, it was telling her lunch was nearing. Rose thought about eating with the other girls, sitting with them and engaging in mindless chatter distracted her mind from the files she was sorting at her desk and the grief of her personal life, but that wasn’t to be the case that day. Like an old memory coming back to haunt her, Rose heard Gillian’s voice through the office.

‘Rose, Peter’s waiting outside.’

Rose felt her head shoot up, looking Gillian’s direction, and she saw all the other girls sharing glances with one another. Rose realised how odd it was for Peter to turn up on a Monday of all days, as that wasn’t the usual day he’d see her to lunch, but she had gotten what she wished for. To not bait the girls into talking about her personal life, Rose left without walking over to the window to see Peter for herself; she grabbed her things and headed downstairs.

When Peter noticed the door open, he looked up. He had his hands in his trouser pockets, waiting against the side of his car for Rose, and there was no mistaking the sorrowful look on his face. Without needing to look up, Rose knew that the girls were peering out of the window at them, finding interest in the sudden appearance of Peter.

Rose refused to say a word whilst in the eyes of her work colleagues, then challenged herself further. Rose then dared to not say a word until Peter had apologised. It could’ve taken all lunch for him to do so, and as she got into the car, her lips were kept tight shut. The air between them was tense, Rose kept her gaze to the street ahead and felt Peter look over at times, but there was no way she was speaking the first word.

It wasn’t until they were sat down in the restaurant that Rose could finally look Peter in the eye without others looking curiously at them. Peter had ordered for them both, Rose was secretly glad of it a she didn’t have to speak, then he met her gaze.

‘I’m sorry, Rose. I was an idiot.’

Rose nodded her head pointedly, agreeing with his statement whole-heartedly. Although he had spoken the words she had wanted to hear, Rose wanted to ease off speaking for a little bit longer.

‘I did it … I don’t know why I did it.’

Silence had gone on long enough on her part, Rose thought. ‘I recall you saying it was because you wanted to have some fun.’

Peter’s expression turned remorseful at being reminded of his choice words that evening. ‘I just wanted you to be there with me. I was missing you, upset that we weren’t spending time with one another. I wouldn’t have done it if you were there.’

A sharp breath left Rose’s nose, hardly believing what Peter was saying. ‘So I have to be there every time you want to snort coke to stop you?!’

‘No,’ Peter tutted, ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’ Peter mumbled his words and lowered his gaze, feeling stupid that he had worded himself wrong in Rose’s eyes.

‘I just hate the thought of you doing that to yourself. It’s dangerous.’

To Rose’s surprise, Peter looked up at her with a small smirk on his lips. ‘I like that you care for me.’

Rose hated that, of all times, Peter was trying to be charming. She leant back in her seat and crossed her arms. ‘It’s not like you’re looking after yourself.’ Rose then raised her brow in challenge of Peter’s smirk.

‘And what you said to me, it made me upset and angry.’ Rose steeled her voice to get her point across, making it truly known that Peter had done wrong.

Peter bored his gaze into Rose’s, leaning forward over the table to regain some distance between them. ‘I’m sorry.’ He then sighed, faltering the previously intense gaze.

‘Look, Rose, it’s a different life here, I thought you had at least grown up and could deal with difficult things. It’s not like you haven’t gone through stuff yourself.’

Rose winced at Peter’s words, knowing exactly what he was talking about. It seemed that Peter didn’t respect Rose’s relationship with Posey like others had, and it bothered her that he referenced her so often and nonchalantly. That, and Rose didn’t understand where he was taking the conversation.

‘I’ve been through stuff too, and I am the way I am because of it.’

Rose couldn’t process her thoughts quickly enough to say something in retaliation to Peter’s words. She watched him as he brought one hand over the table, palm facing towards her, waiting for Rose to place her own hand in his. Without thinking, Rose complied. Peter put his other hand on the fabric of his shirt, above his heart.

‘Look,’ he said, giving Rose’s hand a small squeeze, ‘I promise that I won’t do anything like that again.’

Rose could do nothing but watch the display. Peter seemed proud of himself in making that promise, seemingly so true, and Rose just accepted it and tried to believe that he was being honest.

It seemed that Peter would always leave more to be desired in his words, Rose kept thinking about how he was trying to relate to her situation, and to the things that she’d gone through in the past. He had claimed that he was the way he was because of the things in his past, but Rose couldn’t help but feel cynical in that notion. Peter had chosen to leave the army and lie low. She could agree to a point that a man who had been through horrors would have good reason to stay away from them, but everything after seemed so set in stone in Peter’s mind, it didn’t make sense. Peter had chosen to not go back to his battalion, he had stayed in Italy for two years, he had refused to see his family when he arrived back in England, he made all of those choices himself. Yet, Rose had never chosen to have Posey, it was a situation that she couldn’t control. And Rose definitely couldn’t control what happened to Posey in the end. Everything that had occurred in Rose’s life was out of her grasp, but Peter tried to make her see that they were the same.

It wasn’t true, however. They were not the same people. Rose would’ve never considered the types of behaviours Peter found joy in doing. That, and she still didn’t know what he did for a living. Peter could be cruel at times so inconvenient, Rose couldn’t understand it. Rose just wanted Peter to be the same person he had been when they were younger, when he seemed to care about other people than just himself.

To have realised this in her mind, Rose was keen to see Ada that night. Usually, they would see each other for only a few minutes before Ada would head off, but it was that night, out of all the others, that Rose wanted to tell Ada how she felt. She had refused to cave for a long time, trying to give Ada one less thing to worry about, but Rose needed to get it off her chest, thinking it was the next thing she needed to do to start moving on.

The bus had been delayed somewhat, and Rose had jogged to the building to regain some time lost. She felt her legs burn a little when she climbed the stairs, and found it odd that Ada wasn’t waiting for her by the door like usual. Her breath still heavy, Rose knocked on the door.

It was like history repeating itself. The door opened slowly, and Ada was releasing tears more so than she was breathing. Without letting a second pass, Rose stepped forward and brought Ada close.

As a way to soothe her, no matter if it was redundant, Rose began rocking Ada side to side, her hand smoothing her back gently. Through wet breaths, Ada spoke.

‘They had to call me in from work.’ She sobbed. ‘He’s taking a turn for the worst, they think he …’

Ada cried harder into Rose’s shoulder, and Rose tried to fight back tears.

‘Only a couple of days left. Then that’s it.’

They stood as one, the front door still open, Rose’s bag still around her body. Rose shuddered with tears as Ada did. They both knew that the day would come, but it seemed such a horrible thing to prepare for, so neither of them did. Ada wept, muttering into Rose’s ear about how she would’ve been left alone, and that Freddie would never see his son grow up, that they had so much life to live but it was ripped from them.

Rose never got to say what she needed to that night, but was given advice to not forget in a hurry. Life was fleeting, and there was no point in wasting it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of part two :) But don't worry, there's more to come in part three.
> 
> Thanks to those who've left kudos and commented, it encourages me to keep writing and finish Tommy and Rose's story. :) X


	14. Part Three | Pietro's Girl, Rosa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Alexander has to get used to seeing the industrial heart of Birmingham out of her bedroom window nowadays. She tries to make it work, but there are parts of her past that make her miss what she had before. Will she ever feel whole in her new home?

Once again, Rose was at Ada’s flat, doing her part in looking after Karl. The mood was much lower than usual, but Rose wasn’t exhausted. Freddie had died a few days earlier, Rose had been with Ada throughout the night she came back from the hospital, and even called ill into work that morning to say that she wasn’t going in, mostly due to how tired she felt. Rose cried with Ada that night, it felt therapeutic to do so, and although Freddie was gone, it was like a weight had been slightly lifted off her shoulders.

No matter the feeling of relief knowing that Freddie wasn’t in pain anymore, and that Ada wasn’t suffering, Rose still had things on her mind, as seemed to be the constant problem in her life. She hadn’t seen Peter since he’d apologised at lunch, and Rose didn’t know if she was interested in seeing him anyway. He had made his promise, as cheesy as it was performed, but Rose had to wonder if Peter could be a man to trust with such a serious problem, him taking drugs wasn’t to be swept over lightly. But Rose thought further, maybe it wasn’t a problem, and Peter only did it that night. When they had spent time together previously, Rose hadn’t noticed Peter acting strangely, he always seemed coherent, even when he had a few drinks, so that led her to think that drugs weren’t ruining his life.

There was a time when Peter had Rose’s trust, and it wasn’t too long ago, either. Rose felt like almost cringing at how she had thought so positively on their future together, thinking about children and the like; that plan seemed worlds away. Rose very much doubted that Peter was the valet in her life, like she had been so happy in labelling, and she scoffed at the thought of being so eager to claim him as such. Moving on hadn’t worked as she had hoped, and it was disappointing.

Rose sat on the floor, back against the settee and Karl at her feet playing with his building blocks. Every now and then, he’d dropped one on her leg, and as much as it hurt for a second, she played it off as a joke to try and make Karl laugh. He’d give her a gap-toothed grin, then carrying on playing. It was easy to forget her life in those moments, the simplicity from entertaining Karl taken her from such problems for just a few hours, but with Freddie gone, Rose wouldn’t be able to while away her time anymore.

It was maddening to think that she had once declared her love for Peter, thinking he was the one she was going to spend the rest of her life with. She had felt so ready to do so in herself, like it was the next step in her plan of moving on, but it backfired. There wasn’t a romantic love, Rose had tried to feel that way, playing out their relationship by mimicking what they had when they were teenagers, but forcing that lie hadn’t ended up well for them both, so it was time to let it be. That didn’t mean Rose didn’t care for Peter. It was why she was so bothered by him doing drugs, it was shocking to witness, and she didn’t want someone that meant so much to her ruin his body in such a way.

Rose thought to what his parents would’ve said if they saw him in that state. Then she smiled to herself, since they’d still think he was their Prince Charming, their little boy who could do no wrong. A part of Rose wished she could see him in the same light, but that wasn’t the case. It felt like such a shame, because Peter could have his moments. He had helped his parents without expecting anything in return, and although he’d been slightly cocky in doing so, it had been a selfless thing to do for them. Then, he had taken her out every week for lunch, and he always paid. He would flash his money first, but he never let Rose go into her purse.

Peter had treated Rose so well, but when it mattered, when she was interrupting her own life to help Ada, he’d shown what a terrible person he could be. Out of everything, his reaction upset Rose the most, and it seemed the last time she had tried to tell him that, he wasn’t taking it seriously.

Rose sighed loudly, getting Karl’s attention, and he dropped another wooden block on her leg. As soon as Rose reacted, bringing her ankle up to hold in her hand, Karl smiled and clapped his hands together. It didn’t matter that her ankle hurt, seeing Karl happy made Rose breath a laugh, thinking it amusing how Karl was reacting.

Whatever Peter’s choices from then on, Rose knew that his sort of behaviour wasn’t right when there were children around. There was no fairness in it, there was no chance of Rose allowing it if Posey was still around. Rose paled at the thought, and it left a sour taste in her mouth.

It was then that Rose knew what she had to do. She had to be clear in herself next time she saw Peter, and would let him know that she didn’t agree with his lifestyle. There was no place for her in it, the types of activities he partook in didn’t sit right with her at all. But there was a part of Rose that wanted to still know Peter, she didn’t want to cut him out of her life completely.

Rose would be civil with Peter, thinking that if there wasn’t any strain on their relationship, or any expectations to be met, there wouldn’t be tension for arguments to fester in. If they weren’t to be in a relationship, they would be friends.

Karl was just about to dropped another wooden block, poised just above Rose’s other ankle, but he paused when the front door sounded. Rose looked over the back of the settee to see Ada opening the door, dressed in all black.

‘Mummy!’ Karl squealed, using his hands to push himself up off the floor. Forgetting about the toys he was just playing with, he waddled over to Ada, arms outstretched in need of attention.

‘Hello, love.’ Ada said, and crouched down to greet her son. Rose got to her feet, the pain in her ankle was fading, and she waited expectantly for Ada to address her.

‘Go on, back to playing.’ Ada whispered, then stood, eyes still on Karl, watching him teeter back to the centre of the living room.

‘Everything sorted?’ Rose asked, trying to keep her voice light. She feared that Ada would be sensitive, bearing in mind where she had just been. Ada met Rose’s eyes and nodded her head, sighing loudly. She walked over to the settee, then collapsed back onto it, sounding as exhausted as she looked. Rose took her seat beside Ada, relaxing into the cushion like Ada had.

‘He’ll be moved the morning of the funeral.’ Ada mumbled, eyes still on her son in front of her. Rose was watching Karl as well; his happiness was seemingly keeping their emotions at bay.

‘He’s being kept at the undertaker’s till then, but I don’t want to see him there.’

Rose dared a look over to Ada, and felt her heart hurt at the sight. She brought her hand over to cover Ada’s hand, to which Ada looked over and smiled gratefully at the gesture.

‘I’ve been talking to Polly, since she’s arranging things her end.’ Ada said, returning her gaze to Karl. ‘She said another undertaker’s going to look after the body, not your parents.’

Rose sighed. The subject of her parents had been something that she had stayed clear of, not thinking they were important enough when she was dealing with everything else, but Rose did wonder what Tommy would do after she told him about them. From what Rose knew, they hadn’t been hurt in any way, which was how she wanted it. No matter how angry Tommy would be, he had to have respected Rose’s wishes.

‘I imagine that’s Tommy’s doing.’

‘What happened?’ Ada asked. ‘I know you left on bad terms before you moved here, but what about when you went back?’

Rose hadn’t said much in what happened when she went back to Small Heath, thinking that Ada’s situation was more important than her own. That, and Rose didn’t know how Ada would’ve reacted in being told that Rose still kept contact with her family, Tommy especially. She knew that they weren’t on the best of terms, they had a turbulent relationship with one another, and the least said, the better.

‘I tried to see them when I was there. I had it in my mind that the space between us would’ve healed the wound, but I was very wrong. They made it clear that they were ashamed of me, and that I should never go back.’

Rose turned to meet Ada’s gaze, but felt she couldn’t do so for more than a few moments. It still hurt, the thought that her own mother could speak to her in such a way made Rose upset, and she willed away the idea that one day they could be friends again.

‘I told Tommy.’ ‘

He’s probably stopped doing business with them.’ Ada said, matter-of-factly. ‘Did you know about it?’

At the sight of Rose shaking her head, Ada scoffed. ‘Well, Tommy wouldn’t have told you, just his way.’

Rose didn’t know if Ada was being cynical, but there was a small truth to what she was saying. Before Rose could dwell on the thought, Ada spoke up again.

‘Suppose none of that affects me anymore. Not a Shelby, not a Thorne, either. I’m not part of my family, like you aren’t with yours.’

Rose turned to meet Ada’s gaze once again, and was surprised to see a lighter expression on Ada’s face.

‘Just Ada and Rose, that’s how we’ll go on.’

Rose smiled and let out a laugh, ‘And little Karl.’

Both Rose and Ada looked over to see Karl standing from the floor, with a colourful wooden block in his hand. He was trying to get their attention, he waddled forward and mumbled incoherently about the block, showing them with great delight. It warmed Rose’s heart when Ada reached forward and match Karl’s enthusiasm about it.

It was a sweet thought, just Ada, Karl and herself, but that wasn’t the truth of the matter. Ada had come to terms with the death of her husband, she had had plenty of time to work through her feelings and prepare for the inevitable, but Rose wasn’t in the same boat. The simple life Ada had mentioned without a thought didn’t exist. Rose knew there was still an open end with Peter, even if they didn’t leave on the best circumstances the last time they saw one another.

Truthfully, it was Peter and Tommy that Rose had open ends with, but she thought it prudent to talk with Peter first, to understand how he was feeling with the distance they had given one another. Rose didn’t want to get her hopes up with something else if Peter ended up coming to his senses and picking wiser choices for himself.

As luck would have it, Rose found herself having the conversation with Peter that evening. Rose had made sure Ada was alright with being on her own, and had even suggested cooking dinner if she wanted, but Ada had assured her well and Rose had no choice but to go home. Rose was no longer relied on for babysitting responsibilities, and she wondered what she’d do to fill her extra time. The sun was still high and hot, the August evening air was keeping her skin warm and nourished, Rose debated on putting her things down at the house and going back out to the park to enjoy it.

That never happened, however, as Rose had caught eyes with Peter’s car as soon as she turned onto her road. It had made her legs falter, the surprise of seeing it caught her off guard, but it was a better time than any others to talk with him. Rose was interested in the fact that Peter had made the journey to her place, and wondered if there was something pressing on his mind.

Rose watched as Peter eventually turned his head to her when he realised she was walking towards him. Peter was leant against his car, arms crossed over in front of his chest, and he was tapping his foot.

‘Rose.’ Peter said aloud, as if he thought Rose would end up ignoring him and going straight into the house. Rose had no intention of ignoring him, but she felt she needed to act reserved in his presence.

‘Hello Peter.’

Rose stopped in front of him, just an arm’s length away, but there was no friendly display of affection. Peter unwrapped his arms and stood to his full height, Rose could tell that he seemed to have a million things to say, but didn’t know how to say them. However, Rose wasn’t going to be the first to speak, she felt that she had to keep some control of herself.

‘Can we go somewhere to talk?’ Peter said, finally.

‘What did you have in mind?’

‘Uh, a café?’

Rose nodded slowly, then breathed out. ‘That’s fine, and we’ll walk there, I know one just around the corner.’

Rose saw Peter make an obvious look to his car behind him, but by the time he looked back to Rose, she had begun walking the same way she had come from. She slowed for Peter to catch up with her, and Peter began making easy conversation to pass the time.

‘Mrs Walker had said you had been at work, then possibly seeing your friend. I’ve been waiting for you since half five.’

Rose had nothing to say to his comment, nothing that wouldn’t end up in an argument anyway, so kept herself quiet as they rounded the corner and walked to the café. The thought of Peter waiting for so long didn’t settle well with Rose, it wasn’t as if she had asked him to do so, and she hoped that he wasn’t annoyed that he had to wait for so long. Rose was also glad that Peter was the one to suggest a café rather than the club. That, and he hadn’t put up a fight about not taking the car. It wouldn’t have done Peter any harm to walk for a while.

It was when they were sat in the café that Rose finally spoke to Peter. The atmosphere was quieter than the club would’ve been, and Rose felt comfortable in the public place. It wasn’t as if she didn’t outright trust Peter, but she had wanted him in such a place so that he wouldn’t act untoward with her. All she wanted were truthful answers, and an honest conversation.

‘You look exhausted, had you been at your friends?’ Peter asked.

Rose ignored the slight from Peter. ‘I was. Her husband died a few days ago, and I was looking after her son. She had to finalise things tonight and needed me.’

Peter sighed, and his expression softened. Rose felt that she had to watch him carefully, to see if he was being genuine.

‘I’m sorry, Rose.’

‘Are you?’

Peter put his hand on the table in front of them, outstretched but not fully open. Rose glanced at it quickly, but steeled herself to keep her eyes on Peter.

‘Yes, I really am. I was … an arse. Things at work took over, I got stressed, and I didn’t think about how you’d be affected.’

Rose blinked slowly, letting Peter’s words sink in. The easiest thing to have done in the situation was to agree with Peter and say that it’s alright, that it doesn’t matter, but Rose had the opportunity she had been hoping for.

‘I just don’t think you ever understood how serious it was, even from the start. The way you ended up acting really upset me, and what you did at the club upset me as well. It’s like you take nothing seriously, and it’s frustrating.’ Rose felt her cheeks go warm, feeling emotions rise within her, but refused to raise her voice. She had Peter’s attention, he hadn’t looked away from her all the while she was making her point known. Rose believed, for once, Peter was actually listening to her.

‘I’m sorry, I feel I can’t say it enough.’

Rose then sighed, it just wasn’t the response she felt she deserved. Saying sorry was one part of it, but just words alone couldn’t repair the damage Peter had done in the past.

‘I don’t know, so much has happened in the past few months, I feel like I just want to slow down with everything.’

Rose felt as exhausted as she looked, but was confused at the small smile etched onto Peter’s lips. Before she could think of something to say about it, Peter spoke first.

‘That’s a shame, because I was thinking about how to make it up to you.’ Peter moved his body forward, a lighter expression on his face. ‘I want to take you out to dinner, it’s part of a work thing, so I can introduce you to my colleagues.’ Peter brought his hand further forward, the fingers pointed to Rose, palm open to her, and his voice softened. ‘I want to involve you, not shut you out.’

Perhaps it was because Rose felt tired that she ended up believing Peter, and saying yes. Even when Peter demanded that he buy her a dress for the occasion, Rose couldn’t think of an excuse to stop him from doing so. Rose had to wonder if she was giving to many chances to Peter to redeem himself, but she had always wanted to know more about his work. That, and Peter hadn’t expressly said that they were going as a couple, just as an opportunity to know more about Peter, just as friends.

It was until Rose was lying in bed that night that Rose wondered about the timing of Peter asking her out for a work dinner. He couldn’t have known that she was going to suggest that they should slow down, he must’ve met up with her to ask about the dinner specifically. Rose knew that Peter was only trying to make things better, after everything they had been through, but there was something else at the back of Rose’s mind.

Rose didn’t want to think cynically, but she had to admit that Peter’s timing was interesting. He knew how much she wanted to get to know more about his work life, and he knew how many times he had palmed it off. Rose hoped that Peter had used it as a way to keep her quiet, and that he was genuine in wanting to share more with her.

Receiving the dress was expected, and Rose should have also expected the excitement from the girls in the boarding house as well. Like before, they were keen to see what she looked like, knowing that Peter always went above and beyond in picking the most glamourous garments for her to wear. There was a part of Rose that almost felt like a show pony, dressing up and parading herself around for not only the girls, but for Peter as well. The dress was floor length, but cut low between her breasts, it made Rose’s stomach tighten with nervousness in how revealing it was. She thought about wearing Tommy’s necklace, but wondered if it would’ve drawn attention to that area, so decided against it. It was unlike her to wear it, but to think that she’d catch the eye of people looking down at it, then moving their eyes down further made her shudder; Rose wanted to draw as little attention to herself as possible.

The girls cooed and gasped as Rose made her way downstairs, and she felt slightly nauseous for it. They gave her words of encouragement, saying how beautiful she looked and that she was lucky to be treated so well, but all Rose could do was smile gormlessly at them, words couldn’t form on her lips. Rose couldn’t understand why a wave of nervousness washed over her, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t been to the Eden Club before, she knew was she was expecting to a certain degree. Perhaps it was because the night meant more, Rose was finally getting a glimpse into Peter’s work life, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself, or say something stupid in front of someone important.

Peter arrived before the girls could start asking too many questions, the kind that Rose was seldom to answer. As was his way, Peter was wearing a smart suit, Rose knew it was Italian before even asking. As well as the suit, Peter was sporting a great grin, one that seemed too smug to be genuine.

‘I knew that dress would look good on you.’ Peter said, opening the car door for Rose. ‘You picked it out yourself? I thought that you only said it for an act.’

‘Of course I pick them out, I know a thing or two that you don’t.’

Rose was sure that he meant fashion, for what else could he have been talking about, but she watched closely as Peter walked from her door, in front of the car, then to the driver’s door. Rose was sure that the night would uncover more about Peter than he had let on to her, and she had a right mind to be on the lookout for it.

Once they parked up outside of the club, Rose noticed that it wasn’t bustling like usual. A Saturday night would’ve meant that the doors would be wide open, streams of people looking for a good time would be queueing up, and that the live band would’ve been heard from the pavement outside. Yet, although the doors were open, and people were milling around, they weren’t the type that were planning to get drunk and party, they were dressed like Rose and seemed civilised. Instead of Peter opening the car door, one of the valet’s approached and opened it, and Rose felt her stomach spring with nervousness all over again.

It was different atmosphere, and Peter seemed different as well. He linked his arm through Rose’s, acting the gentleman, but she felt that he was stiff beside her. He played through whatever anxiousness he had, however, as he spoke fluent Italian when greeting all those who were around the entrance. Rose felt extremely out of her depth, not knowing what anyone was saying to one another, all she could do was offer a weak smile whenever she caught eyes with someone. Peter often pulled at Rose’s arm, he was expressing himself whilst speaking, which kept Rose alert to what was going on around her.

They eventually made their way through the hallway, Peter stopping frequently to shake hands with men who wore similar suits. Before they entered the large room, Peter pulled Rose to the side and bowed his head.

‘Right, my boss is here tonight, I’ve just clocked him.’ Peter said, acting as if he was imparting crucial information. Rose nodded in reply, but Peter didn’t notice, as he kept looking over her head to see into the crowd.

‘It’s Marco’s uncle, but call him Mr Sabini.’

‘You said he was a nasty bastard.’ Rose remembered.

Peter scoffed a laugh. ‘Yeah, but he won’t get angry at you.’

‘I should hope not.’

‘Ah, little Rosie worried?’ Peter said in jest, but the flips in Rose’s stomach didn’t settle.

‘Don’t tease.’

Rose refused to look at Peter from then on, knowing that he wouldn’t have liked her talking back to him, even if it was just a short comment. Luckily, Peter didn’t get the chance to think of something to say in return, as he noticed someone over the top of Rose’s head.

Peter brushed passed Rose with open arms, Rose turned to see that he was greeting yet another man with a smart suit, one that she actually recognised. Rose had to stand awkwardly to the side, and she wondered if Peter would end up spending any time with her that night.

‘Rosa!’ The man announced, and like Peter, he had his arms open wide in greeting. Rose watched him warily as he approached, then she remembered why she had recognised him.

‘Hello, Marco.’

Without a warning, Rose was brought in by Marco and kissed once on both cheeks. When he pulled back, his lips were etched into a jovial smile, he seemed extremely happy, and Rose did her best to match it.

Since Rose didn’t have a basis on which to prepare for the night, she was felt surprised in how calm and happy the atmosphere seemed. It was only a dinner of sorts, inside the main room, the dancefloor had been filled with tables covered in crisp, white sheets, laden with expensive looking dinnerware, Rose knew that this wasn’t the main part of Peter’s job, just a perk. The night was a shade better from when Rose was last there, but that wasn’t worth thinking about then. The last thing she wanted to do was annoy Peter and have him shut her out, just when he was opening up to her.

‘We’re sat over here, Rose.’ Peter said, and he led the both of them, weaving through the tables. They were just about to sit down, but Rose felt Peter grab her wrist.

‘My boss, he’s just over there. Come on.’

It was then that Rose started to panic. She hadn’t heard much about Mr Sabini, only the comment about him being a ‘nasty bastard’, but she figured he wouldn’t appreciate that anecdote. Peter hadn’t pointed at anyone in particular, but as Rose looked over to a group of men, it became very clear in who was his boss. The man, Mr Sabini, stood in the centre of those around him, although normal sized, he seemed to emit an importance about him. His expression was non-descript, but Rose notice that it would soften slightly when introduced to someone. Rose only hoped that he would grant that expression for her.

Rose felt as if she was holding her breath, she couldn’t take her eyes away from him. They walked close enough to gain his attention, Rose felt her breath hitch in her throat when Mr Sabini swept his gaze over her.

‘Mr Sabini, this is my friend, Rose.’ Peter introduced. Rose didn’t have time to think about Peter’s choice of words, as she had reached her hand forward to shake Mr Sabini’s, but he took it and brought it to his lips. Rose felt stunned into silence as Mr Sabini kissed it gently, the soft expression was once again on his features.

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rose. Pietro has mentioned you many times.’

Rose smiled back, it was an immediate action, as she didn’t want Mr Sabini to think that she was anything other than pleased at his words. Rose slipped her hand from Mr Sabini’s grasp, trying hard to think of something to say.

‘Are you from London?’ Mr Sabini asked, his gruff voice saved Rose from her awkward silence.

Peter answered for Rose. ‘We met in Derbyshire, but Rose is from Birmingham.’

Rose watched as a thought seemed to pass through Mr Sabini’s mind, it made him falter for a moment. With a curious disposition, Mr Sabini spoke again.

‘Birmingham, that’s interesting.’ He left a moment to pause, Rose felt hooked onto his words. ‘Do you happen to know of the Peaky Blinders? They … conduct their business there, I hear.’

Perhaps it was the sudden fear Rose felt at hearing the name ‘Peaky Blinders’, as she answered straight away.

‘No, Mr Sabini, I don’t know of them.’

A bigger lie couldn’t have been told, Rose felt a small amount of bile rise in her throat at being caught out, but her answer seemed to satisfy Mr Sabini enough. There was still a curious look on his face, he regarded her for a few moments more, then turned his attentions to Peter, who looked just as tense as Rose did. Once out of Mr Sabini’s interest, Rose felt herself relax, she hadn’t been prepared for such a line of questioning that night, and felt as if she needed to drink to soothe her nerves.

It wasn’t long before Rose and Peter were sat at their seats, and the dinner began. Peter had been itching to ask Rose about the Blinders as soon as Mr Sabini had mentioned them, he was just as curious as his boss was.

‘Do you know the Blinders, or heard of them? They’re from Small Heath like you.’ Peter leant in close to ask, and Rose felt as if another lie would’ve finished her off.

‘I do, actually. Everyone’s heard of them, but I was scared to tell Mr Sabini.’

Peter’s eyebrows knitted together, not happy that his boss had been lied to. ‘You should’ve at least told me, Rose. It’s a serious matter.’

To avoid looking Peter in the eye again, Rose reached for her glass of wine and started drinking it. She was brimming with confusion, not knowing why the Peaky Blinders were considered a serious matter. It struck Rose then that the Blinders might’ve done business with Mr Sabini, since he seemed so interested in them. There weren’t many outside of Birmingham that knew of the Blinders’ existence, so for him to know of them didn’t seem like a small coincidence. That, and Peter treated the subject seriously as well. Rose couldn’t understand why the Blinders were a serious matter, but she daren’t ask Peter.

There wasn’t much talk between Rose and Peter from then on, Rose wondered if he was annoyed about her keeping the secret from his boss, but she didn’t think that warranted being ignored for the majority of the evening. Rose found herself sitting quietly, most of the people around her were speaking in Italian, she couldn’t understand a word they were saying, but levelled her boredom by making sure she didn’t drink too much alcohol. The food was delicious, it was the only saving grace of the evening, and by the time the dinner was over, Rose was ready to go home.

‘Home? It’s only half ten.’ Peter scoffed at Rose. ‘There’s a party at the house, you’ll come and have fun.’

Rose wanted to pull Peter by the arm to stop him from wandering off, she wanted to make it clear that she wanted to go home, but Peter was in the mind of having fun that night, and that meant Rose had to be dragged along with him. There was no point in putting up a fight if Peter would just ignore her, so Rose resided to getting in the car and being driven to Peter’s house.

Although Peter and Marco were both at the dinner, it seemed that the party had already started whilst they were away. Peter didn’t seem to mind, he was too busy joking with the others in the car, ones who had hitched a ride from the restaurant. Once again, Rose felt out of place and awkward, as they were all speaking in Italian.

Rose watched the back of Peter’s head as they walked up the pathway to the front door, it had been left ajar for anyone to wander in, and then she lost him. In the moment that Peter had stepped through the threshold, he had disappeared, and Rose, standing on tiptoes, couldn’t seem to find him.

The night wouldn’t have been so awful if Peter was around, he was the only person Rose knew out of everyone at the party. Not wanting to seem like she was lost, Rose decided against wandering around the house in search of him, and instead, headed towards the kitchen to sit on her own. It confused Rose to think that Peter had wanted her there that night, but then left her to her own devices, as if she was happy to be in a place where she knew no one. There was no chance of Rose having fun as she sat at the kitchen table, a glass of water in front of her, and trying desperately to not feel out of place.

People wandered in and out of the kitchen, every one of them in search of drinks or glasses, and more often than not, Rose felt eyes on her. She tried her best to seem like she was comfortable on her own, that she didn’t care, but then she’d feel another pair of eyes on her, and her cheeks would go hot. In those moments of being watched, Rose would take a drink from her glass, a diversion to make people think she didn’t want to speak, but her glass emptied quickly. To make a few seconds pass by, Rose stood from the chair and went to refill her glass. She told herself that she’d have one more glass of water, then leave.

Rose almost spilled her drink when she felt a hand on the back of her arm, and she turned hoping it was Peter. When she locked eyes with Marco, Rose felt stupid in thinking that she had gotten her hopes up.

‘Come and party with me.’ Marco said. He still had a smile on his lips, his eyes softened as he looked down at Rose.

‘What?’ Rose felt suddenly stupid, thinking that Marco couldn’t have been clearer, but it was the last thing she expected from him, especially as they hardly knew one another.

‘You are sad, have a drink and party with me.’ Marco’s Italian accent made his words seem jolted, and Rose couldn’t understand where the friendliness had sprung from.

‘So, because Peter’s gone, you’ve come to me?’ Rose didn’t mean to sound so accusing, but she was fed up. Her harsh words didn’t have the desired effect, however, as Marco let out a laugh, thinking her accusation funny, something Rose didn’t appreciate.

‘I’ll make you happy. We dance and drink, that is all.’

Rose’s heart dropped, she hated that Marco was being so nice to her, it wasn’t as if Peter was there, offering to show her a good time. In another situation, one where Rose wouldn’t have felt so dejected, she would’ve said yes.

‘I don’t want to.’

Marco was about to speak again, another attempt at getting Rose to smile, when someone approached Marco from behind. It was as if Rose wasn’t there at all, as the woman who pulled Marco from Rose’s company kissed him. Rose looked away, feeling the moment was beyond her, and thought that then, when the two people in front of her were occupied, would’ve been good to make her escape from the house. Out of the corner of Rose’s eye, she saw the woman pull Marco away softly, making him leave the kitchen, and she stood where he had.

Drawing Rose from her daydream, the woman said, ‘I’m Lucia, you must be Rosa.’

Rose recognised the name, Peter had mentioned that Marco’s girlfriend was called Lucia, so felt slightly more comfortable at a possible friendly face. ‘Oh, it’s just Rose.’

‘They all call you Rosa.’ Lucia informed. ‘My name’s actually Lucy, but they make everything Italian, so I’m Lucia.’

Rose nodded slowly. ‘They talk about me?’

‘Yeah, of course. I mean, you didn’t see me at that dinner.’ Lucia let out a scoff, but it wasn’t in jest of Rose. ‘We know you as Pietro’s girl.’

Rose nodded again, but thought that everyone would’ve said differently if they knew that Peter had introduced her as a friend to Mr Sabini. It left a funny feeling in Rose’s stomach to think that people had talked about her before, she gave a quick look at the people around the room, wondering if any of them had spoken about her before.

‘Where is Pietro?’ Lucia asked.

Rose sighed, and gave a solemn look to Lucia. ‘I don’t know.’

After her conversation with Lucia, Rose didn’t have any patience left to stay at the party. As she walked through the house to the front door, she wondered if Peter was lingering somewhere, but she didn’t make the effort to find him and tell him she was leaving. As she walked through the threshold, people were still filing through, bumping into her, too excited to watch where they were going. Rose wanted to feel as excited as they did, it would’ve made her life that little bit easier, but she was finding it hard to force a good attitude when the person that invited her just abandoned her as soon as they had arrived. In truth, Rose hoped that Peter would end up annoyed that she had left, then would promise that the next time they did something together, he’d be in the right mind to spend time with her.

That hope didn’t last though, as Rose took off the expensive dress Peter had given her in the comfort of her own room. The dress didn’t mean anything, Peter could’ve bought her a house, but if he wasn’t interested in spending time with her, like he had said he would, Rose felt that there was no point in entertaining the idea of being with him. She’d be his friend, like he had introduced her to Mr Sabini as, but that’s where she drew the line. Peter had said he wanted to involved her, but from what had occurred that night, he did nothing but make her feel unwelcome.

As Rose lay in bed that night, her mind drifted off into thinking that Peter was nothing like Tommy. That statement was as clear as day. The only thing that worried Rose then was that Peter somehow knew about Tommy’s existence, or at least the Peaky Blinder’s. As Freddie’s funeral was nearing, the chance of seeing Tommy again was making Rose think, she didn’t know if she should mention that people in London knew of his existence. It wouldn’t have been appropriate to mention it then, that time was set aside for Ada and Freddie, but Rose knew it would continue to plague her mind.

That, and just the thought of seeing Tommy again thrilled Rose. She would close her eyes and still picture Tommy’s vivid blue eyes, they had left with so much unsaid, and Rose felt that she may not have been able to hide her feelings for him. From lying on her bed, Rose looked over to her desk drawer, the unwritten letters still remained there, but there was no chance on relying on her writing, Rose had to speak with Tommy face to face. She just hoped that she hadn’t missed her chance, and that Tommy wouldn’t be willing to hear her thoughts.

\-----

The morning of Freddie’s funeral arrived, and Rose was up before the crack of dawn. She tiptoed around the house, edging carefully down the stairs to make sure they didn’t creak, and was out before the sun had hit the skyline. Rose was only going to Small Heath for the day, like Ada had planned, so only had a handbag for essentials. She made sure to put two extra handkerchiefs in as well, not only for her, but also as backup for Ada.

Ada had planned to meet Rose at the train station, they were taking one of the earlier trains from King’s Cross, all Rose had to do was show up on time. It was a subdued occasion, the coffin was being accompanied by an undertaker, paid for out of the Shelby’s account. Ada remained stony-faced as she made sure the coffin was looked after carefully, that, and she had Karl on her hip, thinking it best that he saw off his father by his mother’s side. Her plain face accounted for some sort of normalcy, not wanting to upset Karl in any extreme way. Rose had made it known to Ada that she’d be happy to look after Karl that day if it suited her best, but Ada didn’t want to hear it. Rose assumed that Ada found comfort in holding Karl, and that many people wouldn’t approach a widow carrying her son out of respect.

The three sat in a compartment on their own, Karl had a toy to play with, so he was occupied for the majority of the journey, and Ada resided to looking out of the window. The sun rose as the train sped along the tracks, they had a perfect view of it out of their window.

Rose watched the scenery outside as well, and she too was in deep thought like Ada. Neither of them said many words to one another, just a small comment here and there, Rose had many things on her mind to keep her from starting a conversation. She knew that Ada would’ve wanted some breathing space, and she felt that she didn’t know what to say to a widow on the day of her late husband’s funeral, so decided against saying anything at all. The last thing Rose wanted to do was say something wrong. That, and Rose felt anticipation rise in her stomach at the thought of returning to Small Heath.

It wasn’t a day for her, Rose knew it was entirely selfish to think about herself, but there was a small amount of excitement in the pit of her stomach. Ada wouldn’t have been interested in hearing what was on Rose’s mind, so Rose would clench her jaw and swallow thickly as a wave of nerves passed over her. It was unfortunate that of all the days Rose was excited in seeing Tommy, the funeral was at the forefront of everything. The closer they were getting to Small Heath, the wilder the feeling in Rose’s stomach. She levelled her breathing, not wanting to draw attention to herself, and tried to remain calm.

The undertaker’s Polly had arranged to take care of the coffin were waiting at the train station. Like Ada had said, they weren’t her family, but a pair of people unknown to them both. It was then that Rose thought about her parents, and she wondered if they knew about the funeral. It was clear that they had been made aware that their business with the Blinders was over, otherwise they would’ve been waiting at the train station in lieu of the strangers. A sudden thought had Rose wondering if she should make an effort to see them, but she was sure that there weren’t enough hours spare in the day, her train left for London in the early afternoon, and she was going to gauge her day in how Ada coped, willing to be there for her if she was needed.

Rose hoped that every trip to Small Heath wasn’t met with a feeling of guilt if she didn’t see her family. She knew what they had done to her, she knew how they felt about her, yet, they were her only family, albeit not her favourites, but they were still relatives to her. The wish for a family unit made Rose feel dejected, more so with the thought that she had to see Freddie put to rest that day.

Polly also met them at the station, already dressed in her black attire, with a small smile on her lips. It had been a long time since Ada had seen her family, and it was clear that Polly was relieved to see her in good health, and also to see Karl looking so well. After a tearful greeting, Polly brought Rose into an embrace, and she herself felt tears flood her eyes.

They walked to Watery Lane, it wasn’t a long journey to the house, and Rose kept herself quiet as Ada and Polly conversed with one another. She was trying to think of what to say to Tommy when she saw him, and ultimately, she wanted to pull him to one side and have a more meaningful conversation with him, rather than skirting around with small talk. Rose didn’t know if he’d be in the mind to speak with her, however, and had to respect space if he wanted it.

Despite it being an early hour of the morning, there were many people in Watery Lane, gathered ready to go to the cemetery. The room wasn’t so crowded that Rose couldn’t see everyone, however, and it was quickly noted that Tommy wasn’t in the room. After greeting those that she knew, Polly pulled Rose aside, out of earshot of everyone.

‘Tommy’s at the new office, in Jamaica Row, do you know where that is?’

Shocked that Polly could somehow read her mind, Rose nodded slowly.

‘We’ll see you at the service.’ Polly gave Rose a smile, she could tell that it was genuine, and it also gave Rose the permission to leave the house to seek Tommy out. Polly placed a hand on Rose’s arm for a moment of comfort, Rose then turned to head out of Watery Lane.

The nerves in Rose’s stomach flared up again, but she felt optimistic at the thought of being alone with Tommy, rather than having to see him whilst mingling with others. To be alone with Tommy may have meant the likeliness of Rose revealing some part of her feelings was high, but that all depended on whether Tommy was in the right mind set. For all Rose knew, he could’ve been distraught at knowing his old friend was being laid to rest.

The journey to Jamaica Row had Rose taking the main roads to get there, and on the way, she passed her house, her old house. It was early, but Rose wondered if her parents were up, and if they happened to look out of the window as she was passing by. It was tempting to see them that day, no matter the outcome, but for once, Rose had to put herself first, and that meant seeing Tommy.

The building itself was discreet, Rose knew that Shelby Company Limited was a legitimate business, but also that Tommy wouldn’t have wanted his whereabouts plastered so publicly. The front door was open, which meant that Tommy was definitely inside, and Rose braced herself.

The foyer of the office was posher than the ground floor of Watery Lane, the wooden floor was polished, the space so tidy. There were four desks, two on either side of the room, left neat from those who had previously used them. Just from the foyer alone, it could’ve been suspected that no one was in, but as Rose stopped and listened hard, she could hear a faint voice from through the doors at the far end of the room.

The frosted glass of the doors did well to hide who was inside, but Rose could recognise the voice, even after not having heard it for five months. Rose took small steps forward, wondering if Tommy could hear her approaching, and when she reached the door, so rapped lightly on the glass. Knowing that Tommy must’ve been on the phone and otherwise engaged, Rose didn’t wait to hear if she was allowed in, and opened the door.

Rose caught eyes with Tommy, he was sat at the other end of the office, at his huge desk, with a telephone in one hand and a cigarette in the other. It was an immediate reaction for Rose to smile widely at the sight of him, she had forgotten how powerful Tommy could look in such a simple setting. Even with the distance across the room, Rose could see that her own smile was matched, and Tommy lifted a hand to beckon her into the room.

Rose closed the door behind her, taking her time and doing things quietly. Tommy would often speak to whoever was on the phone in short replies to questions being asked, but he kept his gaze solely on Rose. He watched her enter the room, looking slightly awkward at not knowing where to put herself, she seemed interested in the new office and took her time in looking at everything.

Like at the party, Rose could feel eyes on her. Knowing they were Tommy’s meat something different, however, and although she felt her chest and cheeks go hot, it was from a familiar feeling rooted deep inside of her, and not from being uncomfortable. Rose wandered about the room at her own pace, looking at all the new furniture and wall art, trying to keep herself busy whilst Tommy was still on the phone. In the end, Rose walked up to the desk, stopping by the small set of stairs, hoping that her nearing Tommy would prompt him to end the call quicker, which it did. Rose watched as Tommy put the phone down and stubbed the end of his cigarette out in the ash tray, his attention now on Rose.

‘Rose.’

A shiver ran up Rose’s spine, it felt so familiar to hear her name being called in Tommy’s voice, she didn’t realise how much she had missed it. Rose smiled warmly, then panicked when Tommy rose from his seat. Rose watched him expectantly, neither one of them broke eye contact, and when she thought Tommy was going in for a hug she let him lead and was pleasantly surprised when she felt Tommy’s lips on her cheek.

‘I’m glad you could come.’ Tommy said, pulling back to look down at Rose’s reaction. For him, there was no chance at hiding his happiness in Rose being in Small Heath, not only for the funeral, but for her to have come to the office as well. She looked as beautiful as ever, even in the staple black attire.

‘Well, you know, moral support for Ada.’ Rose said lightly, tearing her gaze from Tommy, but then she chastised herself, thinking that wasn’t the only reason why she was there. ‘And … I wanted to see you.’

In the moment that Rose looked back into Tommy’s eyes, there was a sudden urge to close the gap between them. There were merely inches apart, Rose could feel Tommy’s breath, and she saw him swallow thickly. Tommy felt a heat creep up the back of his neck, but before it could reach his cheeks, he moved passed Rose slowly so she couldn’t see. Out of nerves, he wondered to the drinks caddy kept at the side of the room, and looked back over at Rose.

‘Drink?’

Rose breathed a laugh and smiled. ‘Tommy, it’s too early.’

Tommy’s lips broke into a smile as well, he took a moment to regain himself from the frayed nerves that plagued him. He felt ridiculous, there weren’t many times that he was nervous, especially with someone he had known for a long time. Leaving the drinks caddy untouched, he walked the few paces back to Rose, hoping that he didn’t seem too crazed in pacing around her.

‘It’s a shame that we have to see one another in these circumstances.’ There was a hidden meaning in Tommy’s words, one that he hoped she’d pick up on. No matter the situation, Tommy was glad in seeing Rose, but he had hoped for a lighter reunion, with a chance to move on from their dinner they shared all those months ago.

Rose nodded slowly, completely agreeing with Tommy, and the nerves that had softened in her stomach were peaking again. ‘I tried to write a letter to you.’

A moment of silence lapsed between them, Tommy hadn’t expected Rose to reveal such a thing to him. He studied her features, seeing the genuine look in her eyes, and felt intrigued.

‘What did it say?’

Rose swallowed thickly, daring herself to answer that question honestly. After stuttering nonsense, catching Tommy off guard, she finally answered him. ‘I miss you.’

The previously concerned expression on Tommy’s face lightened, small lines appeared at the corners of his eyes where his face lifted with delight. ‘Is that you talking now, or what you wanted to write?’

Without skipping a beat, Rose replied, ‘Both.’

‘I missed you too.’

Rose felt relief in hearing Tommy admit what she had wanted to hear. They were finally on the same page, but there was so much more to be said between them, just admitting that they missed one another wasn’t the only thing Rose wanted to say and hear.

‘I think, after the funeral, we should talk.’

Tommy was slightly amused at how serious Rose sounded. ‘I agree.’

There wasn’t much time to linger in the office, the service was to start at eight, so Tommy drove Rose to the cemetery, all the while making small talk with her to pass the time by. Rose knew that Tommy was only trying to fill the silence, any long pauses and both of them would’ve been tempted to talk serious matters before the funeral was over.

There was a clear divide at the grave side. Rose could see communist supporters with their flag, it was the side Ada was to stand on, and she wondered where she fit in. The other side had the Blinder’s, including family or those that worked for the company. Rose and Tommy were the last to arrive, they weren’t late for the service, but it was clear that everyone was waiting for them. When they arrived on the Blinders side of the grave, Tommy stood so Rose could be next to her, he brought a hand to guide her to the front to stand next to Finn.

Rose dared a look across the grave to Ada, who stood with Karl on her hip. Rose hoped that with her standing with the Shelby’s didn’t mean anything to her, that it wasn’t a case of Rose choosing between them or her. If Ada was bothered by it, she didn’t make it known, and with everyone in attendance, the service began.

Rose knew Freddie well enough, she had been to Ada’s flat a few times when they lived as a three, and he had been kind to her and made her feel welcome in the city. Rose remembered that Freddie would make jokes about Rose joining the communist party; at first Rose blanched, thinking that she had never been so open with her political opinions, but they became expected as Rose knew he was only saying such things to tease her.

Then there was Karl, Rose knew he was too young to fully comprehend what losing a parent was like, but she felt sorry for him as well. It wasn’t fair that families would get torn apart in the most horrendous ways, as she herself had experienced before.

The service began with the priest reading from the Bible, Rose held off from crying, not wanting to make a show of herself, she stood with her hands clasped at her front, levelling her breathing. She didn’t focus on anything specific, but she hardly wanted to keep looking at the coffin in front of her. At the sudden feeling of a hand touching the small of her back, Rose choked, then cleared her throat subtly. She knew it couldn’t have been Finn on her right, so turned her head slightly to the left, daring to catch Tommy’s eyes.

The touch was so delicate, but Rose wanted to back into him, to have Tommy grip onto her waist and bring her close. It wasn’t appropriate for the occasion, Rose wondered if Tommy was just being kind in the contact rather than edging her wanting more. The touch wasn’t to last for long, however, as the priest finished his reading and Tommy stepped forward.

With everyone waiting to hear him speak, Tommy cleared his throat. ‘I promised my friend Freddie Thorne that I’d say a few words over his grave, if he should pass before me.’

Rose wasn’t aware that Tommy had something prepared, and stood raptured by his words, staring at the back of his head.

‘I made this promise before he became me brother-in-law, when we were in France, fighting for the King.’

‘Amen.’ Arthur said, loud enough for the whole congregation to hear.

Tommy continued. ‘And in the end, it wasn’t war that took Freddie. Pestilence took him. But Freddie passed on his soul and his spirit to a new generation before he was cruelly taken.’

There was only the crying of John and Esme’s child as Tommy rounded off his speech. Rose thought it considerate to mention little Karl in Freddie’s legacy, but knew that he was carefully avoiding what the giant flag in front of them depicted. With no more to say, Tommy turned to stand back with his family, catching eyes with Rose as he did so. Rose saw his jaw clench, she couldn’t work out if Tommy was upset or not, but heard him clear his throat once more, and he didn’t put his hand back on Rose.

The service finished not long after Tommy’s speech, and the groups of people disbanded to start walking back to the cars. Rose thought that the moment was arriving, they’d leave the cemetery, and she’d suggest that they go back to the office to talk, and everything she had on her mind would finally be known.

Tommy remained by Rose’s side as they made their way to the path that led to the cemetery gates. ‘I need to speak with Ada for a moment, will you wait for me?’

It wasn’t what Rose wanted to hear, but she wasn’t going to be selfish and tell him otherwise. Tommy’s gaze lingered, however, like asking her to wait entailed more for the both of them.

Rose ended up waiting for Tommy by the row of cars, and groaned at the feeling of rain on her head, she hadn’t prepared with an umbrella and didn’t want to get soaked before talking with Tommy. She couldn’t help but look over at him, with Ada and Polly, the desperation to finally get Tommy to herself was making her nervous again. The sound of a motorbike made Rose look away from Tommy, everyone had turned their gaze to the person interrupting the somewhat civil gathering. Arthur paced over to the man on the bike, looking concerned. That concern rose when information was passed over, Arthur ran a hand through his hair and marched over to Tommy.

The time with Tommy wasn’t meant to be, but Rose didn’t kick up a fuss. As soon as Tommy knew what was going on, he walked over to Rose. She knew it wasn’t good news by the expression on Tommy’s face, everyone around them seemed to be on edge suddenly, whatever the news was, it had been enough to shake everyone up.

‘I’m sorry Rose, but-’ Tommy faltered, a thought crossed his mind, but he was quick to ignore it. ‘The Garrison’s been blown up, I need to get back to sort everything out.’

Rose’s eyes widened out of shock, and completely understood the sudden worry in everyone. There was no way that Rose could argue her corner, it was only right that she leave what she had to say till another time, one where there wasn’t such a dramatic twist of events getting in their way.

Tommy could see that Rose was disappointed, and he felt it too. ‘We’ll find a time to talk, Rose, I promise you that. When I’m able, I will see you again.’

Rose didn’t think they were empty words, and what Tommy was promising would happen. Rose only hoped that she wouldn’t have to wait another five months to see him.

Since there wasn’t a reason to stay in Small Heath, Rose took an earlier train to accompany Ada and Karl to London. Like Rose had expected, Ada wasn’t in the mood for talking, and like the journey that morning, Rose was sat quiet in her seat, trying not to feel too frustrated in not getting the chance to speak to Tommy.

Getting off the train that afternoon wasn’t supposed to feel awful, but Rose felt that she had missed her chance with Tommy. She hated the idea of waiting longer to see him, not knowing when his schedule would allow for a trip to London. The urge to write a letter was on Rose mind, but she resisted, knowing that it would be better if the truth was to come from her mouth.

\-----

The only respite of the day was that Tommy saw Rose after all that time. From getting to the office early that morning, to meeting the IRA in the afternoon, by the time Tommy got back to his office to mull over his mission, a drag of a cigarette and a glass of whiskey wasn’t enough to sate his exhaustion.

Tommy knew that the mission would require help from Sergeant Moss, and made a note of it in his mind to get a message to him as soon as possible. It wasn’t ideal that he had to now cater for another organisation, one that he despised. Tommy also knew that just because they asked for one task to be carried out on their behalf, he wouldn’t have been out of their pockets by completing it. Tommy had to prepare for more to be asked of him, and he sighed loudly, thinking that it was the last thing he needed. The expansion to London was already taking up plenty of his time, if only he could’ve split himself into two people to make life easier for himself.

After a long drag of his cigarette, Tommy’s eyes flicked down to the locked drawer in his desk. With the move to the new office, Tommy had taken all his possession and distributed them around. Most were files that he thought were best kept from Watery Lane, and the small, leather case that never left the premises. It was as if he was burning a hole into the front of the wooden drawer, he knew it was right there, and Rose had been in the vicinity of it just a few hours earlier. Tommy scoffed, thinking how inappropriate it would’ve been to propose just before his brother-in-law’s funeral. He wouldn’t have wanted to upset Ada, and Polly would’ve been fuming anyway.

As Tommy closed his eyes, he kept hearing the words, ‘I miss you’, in Rose’s gentle voice. Everything that he had felt, and that had been brewing since Christmas since Rose had left Small Heath, was gone in that moment. It was a relief, a sweet relief, to hear that Rose was thinking of him.

Tommy scoffed again, a humorous thought passed his mind. He supposed that, with the mission from the IRA, he would’ve been considered a hitman. But Tommy knew that he’d have rather been a husband before being labelled as something as violent. The promise he had made to Rose that morning he’d keep close to his heart. If the pub hadn’t been blown up, and the IRA had recruited him for their malicious means, Tommy would’ve taken the car down to London that very moment to speak with Rose. The murder, the expansion, Tommy wished it would all go away just long enough for Tommy to have the courage to take the ring out of the drawer and place it on Rose’s finger, knowing that it was the right thing to do.

With the message left for Sergeant Moss that they were to meet within a few days, Tommy thought it best to call a family meeting to clear things between everyone. He knew that questions would’ve been raised about the pub, but wouldn’t dare speak a word to anyone about what he’d been tasked to do. Tommy was prepared for the gripes he’d receive over it, but it was for the best.

Arthur was easy to bowl over, if Tommy said it was good for the company, Arthur wouldn’t take long to be repeating the same sentiment. John was getting harder to read, probably because his wife was whispering into his ear whenever they were alone, developing her own ideas about how the company should be run. Tommy had a hard time finding common ground with Esme’s own brand of wisdom; he hadn’t worked that hard for so long to not take an opportunity when it presented itself. Polly was another matter altogether. If Tommy was to receive a bollocking, it was to be from his aunt.

‘Who’d you meet at the Black Lion?’

Tommy had his arms resting on the locked safe, losing his temper more with every moment he wasn’t hearing the new combination for it. He found that with his aunt, he’d have to give a little, but pretend like it was a lot.

‘What happened to the pub is Irish business. We’re in a situation where, for everyone’s safety, it’s best if some things remain undisclosed.’

‘No, we take the opportunity to show our hand. The Italian gangs and the Jewish gangs have been at war in London for six months.’

The little pieces of information Tommy spared Polly wasn’t enough for her, however, and she managed to find a comeback to everything. This only frustrated Tommy more, he found it annoying that she wasn’t bothering to look at it from his point of view, from the point of view that would benefit the company she was treasurer of. When Tommy knew he wasn’t getting anywhere, his courtesy of sharing information was over.

‘Now please, open the fucking safe.’

Polly finally rose from her seat, doing as she was asked after three times of asking. Tommy waited with his hands in his pockets, and much to his expectation, Polly hadn’t finished talking.

‘Do you know, it was a fine speech you made in there, about this company believing in equal rights for women. But when it comes down to it, you don’t listen to a word we say.’ Polly paused, a small hum came from her throat. ‘Maybe you’d listen to one woman, if she was here, if she didn’t have better prospects in London.’

Tommy resented that Polly was using Rose against him, like she knew what was the right thing to say to get on his nerves once more. However, Polly wasn’t aware of what was said between them both before the funeral. Polly using Rose to be spiteful wasn’t something Tommy would let seep through his skin, as he knew better.

‘How long are you going to drag this out, Thomas? Maybe you should just forget about her.’

Without missing a beat, Tommy said, ‘No need.’

To be riled up at the mention of the name ‘Rose’, Tommy stormed out of Watery Lane. It was almost like he was losing control of his emotions, and that didn’t sit well with him at all. Tommy hated that he was relying on Lizzie so much, but with an ache in his body, Tommy felt as if he had no choice.

Lizzie was daring to get cockier with every visit Tommy attended to. Not wanting to lash out in a bad way, Tommy would keep his mouth shut, but couldn’t help but tug harder on her hair as a form of payback. He’d stopped having sex with Lizzie, there was a part of him that felt it wasn’t right, and his warped logic had him thinking the longer he went without sex, the more likely he’d reveal his feelings to Rose.

That evening, Tommy sat back on the bed with Lizzie knelt in front of him, his hand wound tight in her hair. All that could be heard in the room was the slick sounds of Lizzie’s mouth, and the grunts Tommy let out when his cock hit the back of Lizzie’s throat. Those few minutes where Tommy wouldn’t have to think about anything but the rising feeling in his lower stomach weren’t enough to distract him for long. He gripped tighter on Lizzie’s hair when he came, ignoring the sounds of her protest.

Tommy left Lizzie with a few extra notes for her trouble, anything to get out of staying for too long to hear what smart comment she felt like making.

The journey to Lizzie’s house was no longer feeling like a pilgrimage for sanity, but a journey that Tommy began resenting. It didn’t do enough to pay to relieve his feelings anymore, there was no enjoyment in it. If Tommy was to keep himself sane, a change had to be made.

Tommy knew that the change rested in Rose. As Tommy brought a lit cigarette to his lips, he tortured himself in thinking about what he wanted so bad, to call Rose his wife, Mrs Rose Shelby. The urge was so painful, but it was what he truly wanted.

\-----

With Tommy not having made a point of contacting Rose, she had made plans for herself. It wasn’t out of pity, Rose refused to feel low about not having spoken to Tommy, so she organised a trip to the house in Derbyshire as a small holiday, rather than saying she was making an excuse for herself to escape the city. Rose didn’t mention it to Peter, he wasn’t keeping as regular contact with her, and since Rose had made it clear to him that going out to the club wasn’t something she wanted to do anymore, he had backed off. There was no mention of the party, Rose had waited for Peter to talk about his behaviour at the party, but there was nothing from him.

Rose had sent word to Alice, Peter’s mother, that she was coming up for the weekend, and received an excited reply. She asked if Peter was to join her, but Rose, feeling awkward in doing so, had to tell her that he was busy with work. For all Rose knew, Peter was busy with work, but she didn’t know why Alice hadn’t asked Peter directly. Peter never spoke about his parents when they were together, and at first thought, Rose wondered if it was down to her not mentioning her own. Yet, Rose never mentioned her parents because of how they treated her, Peter knew that, and in some respect, it hurt to talk about them with other people. Peter had wonderful parents, Rose was jealous of him, but in Peter’s eyes, they weren’t worth thinking about.

The train up to the house was peaceful, there was no apprehension in it like there had been when she travelled to Small Heath for Freddie’s funeral. With the spare time, Rose read a book, already in the relaxing mood before she even got to the house. She shared a compartment with an older couple, they were no bother to her, and were even polite enough to bid her farewell when they reached their stop.

It being late August, the sun was still warm when Rose reached the village. There was no need for a taxi to the house, Rose walked the twenty minutes, still in her peaceful silence. Being alone meant there was no pressure in having to make conversation with someone, Rose only had to think for herself.

Getting back to the house was like falling back into a familiar warmth, with the garden bathing in the evening heat, all the flowers in bright bloom, Rose felt like she was in heaven. She had left her small case of clothes by the entrance of the house, dropping it off as soon as she let herself in. Alice had left the key under the mat that time, she had mentioned that she and John were away for the night visiting family, and knew that it would’ve been safe hidden away.

Rose stood, basking in the sun, in front of her daughter’s grave. She wondered, in a brief thought, if Posey would’ve loved the feeling of sun on her skin, then to have goose bumps rise as a sudden breeze swept over her. To think of the what if’s didn’t upset Rose, not like it would’ve a few years ago, they left Rose curious and happy that she herself could feel the sun on her skin. If Posey wasn’t to be alive and feel the world around her, Rose knew it was her duty to do it for her.

As Alice had stated in her letter to Rose, a small amount of food was left in the pantry for her use, Rose had to remember to reimburse her for it. It was a simple meal for one, there weren’t many opportunities to cook for herself anymore, not when she was looked after at the boarding house. Rose only had the sounds of birds singing and crickets chirping through the open back door, which she kept propped open so she could remain cool.

Rose felt so peaceful in the house, just on her own, the idea of moving to the village was tempting. With the money Rose inherited from her great aunt, and the income from the farm that was let out, Rose wouldn’t have to work if she didn’t want to, although she’d keep herself busy in doing freelance work. There would be no chance of waking up in the dead of night because of drunken strangers on the street, no sounds of traffic passing by, no neighbours, not anything. Rose would truly be able to live in peace, away from the noise and commotion of the city.

Giving the idea a second thought, Rose didn’t think she could last in such a situation. The idea would only be made perfect if she had someone to share that life with, it could’ve been her great aunt, or her daughter, but that wasn’t meant to be. Another thought crossed Rose’s mind, to one where Tommy would move to the house so they could live together, but she knew that to be entirely impossible. The Tommy she knew would never leave Small Heath, never leave his company for somewhere quiet, Tommy himself was a man of chaos and spontaneity. A quiet life in the countryside didn’t suit him, which Rose thought was a shame. The house was to remain a place of sanctuary for Rose in the hard times, like then, where Rose had much to think about in regards to the man she wanted to share the house with.

Memories of Tommy flared up again when she went to bed that night. She lay on the right side, but turned her head to the left, to where Tommy had slept. Closing her eyes, Rose could picture him, blue eyes hidden as he was sleeping, breathing so peacefully, in a state that Rose hadn’t seen in him before. She felt lucky to have seen him in such a way, she doubted that many people were allowed so close.

What made the feeling worse was that Rose was to see Alice and John the next day, and without Peter with her, she’d have to be the one to fill in on what their son was getting up to. There wasn’t much to say, and it wouldn’t have been the sort of thing they’d want to hear, Rose felt nervous in knowing that she’d have to skirt over the truth in some respects. It wasn’t fair that Rose was to be the one to relay that information, if Peter cared about his family like a normal person would, they wouldn’t leave it to others to speak on their behalf.

It wasn’t even as if Rose was Peter’s girlfriend, and that everything she said was spoken through a rose-tinted lens. Rose had seen what kind of activities Peter got up to, and the way he treated those when he wasn’t getting what he wanted. Rose was concerned for him, but didn’t want Alice and John to worry about him, not after the years of thinking they had lost their son. Rose was in a difficult position, but she willed herself to think of Alice and John’s feelings before anyone else’s.

Rose had been asked for afternoon tea, then for dinner, as Alice and John would return from visiting family on Saturday morning. There wasn’t much to do around the house, as Alice kept it so neat, so Rose ended up sitting outside in the garden, continuing to the read the book she had started on the train. The sun was just as bright as it had been the previous day, and the air was so clear and fresh that Rose felt her lungs getting healthier with every breath. The London smog would sometimes leave her with a hacking cough, and to know that the air was so pure in the village felt like another reason to move herself permanently.

As Rose hadn’t had the chance to, she made sure that her journey to Alice and John’s house was extended so she could walk through the woods and up to the hill. Throughout the morning, Rose had often taken a moment to look up towards the woods at the back of the house, thinking how beautiful the view would’ve been with the sky a rich blue colour, and hardly any clouds to taint the horizon. Rose tied a cardigan around her waist, knowing that she would need it in the evening when the chill set in. Until then, Rose rolled her sleeves up and let the sun touch her arms.

Once at the top of the hill, Rose looked over the horizon. The breeze whipped her hair around her face, she brought her hands up to brush it back, then rested her hands on her head. A big breath was taken in, it would’ve been wonderful to stay there all day, but Rose was on a time-crunch, and was expected at Alice’s house soon.

Moving from her spot, Rose brought her arms down to her side and began walking towards the village when something in her peripheral caught her eye. Against the backdrop of the giant country mansion, the one Rose used to work at, were acres upon acres of paddock, all for the purpose of the horses that were kept on the property. A few horses, bring ridden by their trainers, were cantering along and going through purpose-made jumps. Rose watched for a few moments, seeing that each horse that approached a jump flew over it with ease. When Rose worked at the stable, she was never permitted to ride any of the horses, and wondered what the feeling was like.

Tommy would’ve loved to have seen the horses, they weren’t out when Rose had brought him up for a walk. Then Rose smiled to herself, was everything to remind her of Tommy? Just at the mere sight of horses, and Rose couldn’t help but shift her thoughts to him.

Any remembrance of Tommy was pushed from Rose’s mind, she couldn’t torture herself at dinner with thoughts of him, all the while she would’ve been asked about Peter. Rose was spotted from the kitchen window as she approached the Millar’s house, Alice had been waiting for her to arrive. The front door was opened before Rose had reached the short stone pathway, and was greeted with a hug.

‘Oh love, it’s so good to see you.’ Alice welcomed. When she pulled back, she placed her hands on either side of Rose’s face. ‘And you look so well. Come in, I made some biscuits just now, hot out of the oven.’

To be greeted into the home felt like the hug Rose had just received, everything was in its place, and Alice and John were there to welcome her with open arms. Rose remembered how they used to be when she and Peter were teenagers. Rose had been shy in meeting them to begin with, never knowing more than two words to say, but Alice and John were skilled in the art of friendliness. Within ten minutes of meeting them for the first time, Alice was chewing Rose’s ear off about Peter as a child, him growing up in Derby where all their family were living as well. There was no need for Rose to find words to say, Alice did all the talking, sensing that Rose was feeling nervous.

Then John would speak, he had a knack of drawing everyone in around him when he told a story, he knew when to build tension and leave spaces for a dramatic pause. Rose would be lulled by his tone, fully enraptured and intrigued. John eventually commented on how interested Rose was in his stories, a big difference to how Peter would react to them. In telling his stories, Rose didn’t have to speak if she didn’t want to, all she had to do was listen.

As she grew up, Rose’s confidence flourished, going to Peter’s house wasn’t something she became nervous about. Peter would often want to cut the meetings short, getting impatient in having to wait around as Rose and Alice gossiped about anything they found interesting. Rose ended up telling stories that fascinated John, he’d ignore his son moaning about wanting to get out of the house until Rose had finished.

When Peter was declared M.I.A, Alice and John were distraught. The worse thing was holding onto the hope that there was a chance he was alive, but having absolutely no way in finding out. By the time Rose was showing, her bump becoming harder to hide in the late summer months with dresses that kept her cool, she resided to staying indoors as much as possible. That meant cutting Alice and John out, which was made easier by their devastation in losing their son, they didn’t want to speak to anyone that reminded them of him. It was unfortunate that the relationship had become distant between them, as neither of them could’ve expected the aftermath of Peter leaving, but that was all in the past. Rose felt she owed them her company after purposefully blocking them out of her life all those years ago, and also because Alice was doing such a huge favour in looking after the house when she wasn’t there.

Alice led Rose into the living room, where the tea things had been set out, and the biscuits Alice had just mentioned were sitting looking delicious on a plate. John was stood over by a large wooden cabinet, sifting through a drawer, his back to Rose.

‘Take a seat, love. John, stop that and come say hello to Rose.’ Alice said. After she had gestured for Rose to sit down, she stood with her hands on her hips, shaking her head at the sight of her husband.

‘No worries, found it anyway.’ John announced, and turned to face Alice and Rose with a leather-bound book in his hands. Rose looked at it curiously, and John caught her eye in doing so. Once the three were sat in their seats, John opened the book out on his lap, and Rose could see that it wasn’t a story-book.

‘My parents handed this down to me. They decided that they wanted everyone in the family to get their portrait taken. We got ours done a few times, wanting to get Peter at different ages.’

John then handed the book over to Rose, open on a page where Peter was a small boy, perhaps around seven, sitting on his own in a suit too smart for his age. Then, on the next page, Peter was a few years older, but it was if he was still wearing the same suit, as the trousers were too short and showing his ankles, and the sleeves looked tight on his arms. Like the picture before, Peter was sporting a small smirk, one that looked strange to see him wear as a child, but it was something Rose recognised. Peter usually had such a smirk on him, and it was slightly amusing to know that it had transcended through his years.

‘And then the next page.’ John said, expectantly. Rose caught eyes with John quickly, and sensed a sudden eagerness from him. She turned the page as told, and let out a sigh with what she saw.

It was the Peter Rose once knew. Peter was without his smirk, because it wasn’t a family portrait he was posing for. It was hard to miss the uniform he was wearing, the stiff peak cap and buttoned up tunic were a clear indicator of him ready for service before entering the war. Rose remembered how proud Peter had been to wear it, and she recalled calling him handsome when she had first seen him in his uniform. As Rose looked down on a version of Peter that no longer existed, she felt saddened. It was who Peter was before he went missing that his parents believed still existed.

‘We’ve asked Peter to get another picture taken, so we can keep the album going.’ John said, leaning forward in his chair and peering at the photo of his son.

‘That would be nice, he’s changed so much since … this picture was taken.’ Rose almost stuttered, knowing to choose her words carefully.

‘It’s really so everyone can see what he looks like, my parents haven’t seen him since he’s come back.’ Alice said, trying to sound nonchalantly, but failing, as Rose could sense the bother in her voice.

‘I thought, because he’s seen you, that he would’ve gone to see his grandparents and cousins.’ Rose felt immediately upset on Alice’s behalf. Alice pursed her lips and looked down at her lap, Rose stopped herself from letting out a sigh in annoyance.

‘He doesn’t come up much.’ John said, saving his wife from speaking. ‘He hasn’t come up since you both did, in April.’

‘Does he talk to you? Send letters or call?’

‘No, he’s grown up and has a job. We don’t expect him to always keep in contact with us.’ Alice said, slightly sterner than she meant. Rose nodded her head slowly, but didn’t truly agree with Alice’s reasoning.

‘It’s not something we’re worried about.’ Alice let out a hollow laugh, but then she looked sheepish, finding it hard to keep her eyes on Rose. ‘How often do you speak to your parents? It must be difficult with you living in London.’

Rose’s heart felt like breaking for many reasons. An uncomfortable pause was left as she tried to think of an answer, and resided to saying what Alice and John would want to hear.

‘I do find it difficult, I work all week, and there’s so many things to do with my friends.’ Rose tried to not get carried away with her lie. ‘It isn’t as easy as I’d like it.’

Both John and Alice shared a look with one another, liked they were thinking the same thing. Rose hoped that it was the answer they were hoping for, to be made more comfortable in knowing that they weren’t the only parents who didn’t have much contact with their child; they became calm in knowing it was just a normal thing, and happened frequently to many other families.

As John took the photo album back to talk through the different members of their family, Rose felt a pain in her stomach. The lie she had just told settled awfully in her, Alice had asked the wrong person about keeping a relationship afloat with their parents. If Alice and John knew the truth, they would understand why Rose actually didn’t keep in contact with her parents. They lie wouldn’t have been told in the first place, but the worry about their son would’ve grown, so Rose could only see it as a good thing that they were kept in the dark about the truth. Rose hoped that the little white lie wasn’t too harmful.

Seeing how upset Alice and John could become when talking about their son and his lack of communication angered Rose. How dare Peter treat them so poorly when they had so much love to give him. Rose couldn’t understand why anyone would reject such loving people, and the feelings of jealousy over them grew. They loved their son before he went away to war, and still loved after, possibly more so. Rose’s parents barely gave her the time of day, she assumed that they found it a burden when she returned from Derbyshire to live in Small Heath. They treated her in a worse way after they discovered Posey, Rose wondered if they were just waiting for a reason, whether it had been big or small, to cast her aside and out of their life.

To turn the atmosphere lighter, the pages of Peter image were turned and John told his stories about the other members of their family. Rose had third helpings of the shortbread Alice had made, hoping her enthusiasm over them would improve her mood.

Dinner had been simmering as they had drunk their tea, and when they moved into the kitchen to prepare the rest of the food, Rose was reminded that she owed Alice money from the groceries. She had bought her purse with her, not knowing the exact amount, and retrieved it from her pocket.

‘Alice, I have the money for the food you got me. How much was it?’

Alice, who had been at the stove, turned briefly to wave Rose off. ‘Oh, don’t worry about it.’

Rose faltered for a moment. ‘What?’

‘It’s a treat, Rose.’ Alice turned and smiled, ignoring the longing look on Rose’s face. ‘The potatoes were a gift anyway, from the farmer that you let your field out to. He gave us some as well. James, that’s his name, well he said that it was good luck to share your first harvest, so he wanted you to have some.’

Rose had to put her money back in her pocket, knowing she had lost the small fight with it. She was instructed to sit down rather than help out, and Rose thought it better to just do as she was told to make the evening go along well. Soon enough, she was presented with a hot plate of food.

‘You like cabbage, don’t you?’ Alice asked. Rose nodded her head, and took the gravy boat, offered to her by John.

‘Peter never liked it, so we only have it when he’s not here.’ Alice said, nonchalantly. Rose offered a small smile, and tucked into her boiled potatoes.

Then Rose sensed something, when she figured out what it was, it took her back to the times when she ate with her own parents, and they would share looks over the table at one another. Rose lifted her gaze slightly, trying to catch them. John and Alice were only eating small forkfuls of food, but Rose saw that they shifted in their seats slightly.

‘Rose, love.’ Alice started, resting her arms on the table and momentarily forgetting the meal. Rose looked up to catch eyes with Alice, and braced herself for a loaded question.

‘John and I were wondering, and tell us if we’re wrong in prying, but we just wanted to know how you and Peter were getting along. Obviously we don’t hear from him, so have no idea what he’s getting up to.’ Alice breathed a laugh out of nerves. ‘We just wanted to know if there was … something going on between you. You both seemed close when you visited last.’

There was only so far Rose could put into a lie before she became unbelievable. She knew it before she had started speaking, so thought carefully in how to let the truth known gently.

‘Well, not really.’ Rose started, trying to lessen the amount she blinked. ‘It’s just, with work …’ Rose struggled with her words, and she felt her cheeks going red with both pairs of eyes on her. ‘I think it’s best if we’re friends, Peter even said it himself.’

Alice nodded slowly, and John gave a tired-looking smile. That was the reaction Rose didn’t want, but at least she knew it was the truth. Rose went back to eating her dinner, hoping that more wouldn’t be asked of her.

‘I suppose you’re not romantic like you were when you were younger.’ John said softly. Rose looked to meet his gaze, and she felt as if, just through a look, John was understanding her side of the story.

‘You know,’ Alice interjected, ‘don’t think us silly, but we used to wish you’d become our daughter-in-law.’

‘Alice!’ John berated, dimming Alice’s sudden good mood.

‘Oh, I know. It doesn’t matter though. To us, you’re still like a member of the family.’

Rose gave a forced smile, trying to hide how the phrase ‘daughter-in-law’ made her uncomfortable. Upon later reflection, one part of the reason Rose felt uncomfortable was due to how she had imagined that title for herself. She had wanted to marry Peter, to have lived her life with him, and that meant being daughter-in-law to John and Alice. She didn’t realise that Alice had wanted to same for her son, but there was a stark difference in what they wanted then. Alice hadn’t seen the type of person Peter had become, and because of that, was still believing that he was like his former self. Rose, on the other hand, was fully aware of what Peter was getting up to in London, some of it she didn’t agree with, and could no longer pretend or wish for the old Peter. It wasn’t enough to pretend for Alice and John’s sake, she couldn’t lie about those feelings, not with someone else to give them to.

Conversation moved on from Peter, to Rose’s relief. Along with the farmer sharing his first harvest, Alice and John filled Rose in on all the things that had happened in the village. The general chit-chat brought Rose back to feeling comfortable, and was happy when Alice revealed that she had made jam roly-poly for dessert.

After Alice after forced second helpings on jam roly-poly on Rose, it was getting late in the evening. Although Rose’s train to go home wasn’t until the afternoon, she didn’t want to stay up late, so politely said her goodbyes and thanked Alice and John for the dinner. Before she could leave, John insisted that he walk Rose back. It wasn’t something Rose thought she needed, walking through the quiet, safe village didn’t require an escort, but John insisted.

Like Rose had expected, John wasn’t going to walk through the woods to get to the house, he stuck to the pavements and country roads. What Rose hadn’t expected was that John had an ulterior motive to walking her home, as she was to find out just as they made it down the path from the house.

‘I don’t want you to think that I’m going behind Alice’s back in any way, it’s just I know what she’s like sometimes.’ John started. Rose walked adjacent to John, the poorly lit roads were hiding his expression, and she had no idea what John was getting at. ‘It’s just … as a father, I want to be happy for my son, and everything that he’s achieved since he got back from the war.’

Rose remembered then that Peter had told her his parents were left in the dark about what really happened after he fled his battalion. Peter would’ve come up with an excuse to pander to them, and they, not wanted to upset their son, would’ve taken what ever he said without an explanation. Another reason to dislike how Peter acted nowadays.

‘Yet, when you were last here, in April, I found something in his room. Luckily I found it before Alice could see it.’ John said, his voice going gravely sombre. ‘A small tincture bottle, with something inside.’

Rose racked her mind as to what John was telling her, not having seen such a thing on Peter before. But then it came to her all of a sudden. Despite having been distracted by Peter at the time, when Rose had seen him in the club snorting coke, a small tincture bottle, amongst many others, had been sitting on the table. Rose’s heart skipped a beat, thinking it truly awful that John had seen it himself.

‘I know I’m old, but I’m not stupid. Even being a country bumpkin doesn’t stop the awful parts of the world being known in some capacity. What I want to know is if this information is new to you, or that you knew of it in some way?’

Rose could’ve lied, she could’ve told another one to keep John from harbouring bad feelings over his son, but the pregnant pause she left hanging between them said all that John needed to know.

‘I’m sorry, John.’ Rose said quietly. ‘It is what you think it is.’

By that time, they had reached the garden gate to Rose’s house, and Rose finally turned to face John. Even in the dark night, a sad expression could be seen on John’s face.

‘I feel like I owe it to you to look out for him, but there’s no getting through to him anymore. The war changed him, I’m sorry, John.’

It was the most genuine Rose had been all night, she truly was sorry for John and Alice, even more so in knowing that John had been keeping that information from his wife for so long. Once again, Rose cursed Peter for being himself, he was too stupid to see a good thing in front of him, and he didn’t deserve people like John and Alice for parents.

John still carried a sad expression on his face, but said, ‘Thank you for being so kind to Alice and me. If things had turned out differently, we’d have been proud to have you in our family. Please don’t forget about us like he’s done.

If John hadn’t left as soon as he had spoken his words, Rose would’ve been tempted to reveal Posey to him. It was as if Rose wanted to assure him that, in a sense, they had been family, if only for a brief amount of time. Rose knew that John and Alice would’ve made wonderful grandparents. There was a part of Rose that wondered what their reaction would be to such news, and felt in her heart that it would’ve been the opposite to her own parents’.

Rose felt slightly odd going to bed that night. She felt that she had been given John’s blessing to move on from Peter, and that he of all people would understand why Rose didn’t want to be with Peter in a romantic way anymore. And there was only one person Rose could think about in that instance; Tommy.

Rose hoped that it wasn’t selfish of her to think of moving on with Tommy immediately, she felt that it had been a long time coming anyway. Leaving Peter to his own devices seemed like the only thing to do, there was no way of convincing him of doing things differently, and Rose didn’t want to be bogged down with hard feelings in failing to try and change him. In a harsh thought, Rose though it best for Peter to mess up his own life if he wanted to, as it was his own prerogative to do so.

After John had heard about Peter’s horrible problem, he didn’t then ask for her to look out for him on their behalf. That led Rose to think that whatever she wanted for herself, she could have, there was no other priority in her life other than herself.

That left Tommy on her mind. Rose reminded herself that Tommy’s last words to her were ‘when I’m able, I will see you again,’ and thought that things were to be left in Tommy’s hands. Whether he had specifically said ‘I’ as a point to make, or if he said it without realising, Rose didn’t know, but she felt that it was down to Tommy to make the effort to see her, as he had promised. If Tommy kept to his promise, Rose swore to herself that she was to start telling him the truth about her feelings. Too much time had passed between them to stop waiting for the other to speak, and Rose felt almost delirious with confidence to tell Tommy how she was feeling.

\-----

As the days passed, the anticipation to see Tommy became almost unbearable. There wasn’t much to do but work, eat, sleep, then repeat the same routine over again. Rose had been to see Ada after she returned from the house, but she wasn’t much for conversation or company. It was a shame to see Ada in such a way, she mentioned that she had picked up more shifts at work. Rose wanted to ask why, but it seemed like a sore subject, so left it. Rose didn’t want to interfere in Ada’s way of adapting after Freddie death, but only wanted to make sure Ada knew she was there for support if needs be.

The nights out at the club had stopped for the time being, Rose thought that she wouldn’t be able to enjoy herself, knowing all that she did. Not only would it have been hard to let loose and allow herself to drink around Peter, but also that Rose’s mind was preoccupied with other matters. That hadn’t stopped Peter from expecting the normal out of Rose, however, and had turned up unannounced one Friday evening.

Rose had been called down from her room, with it being a late hour, she was in her nightgown already. As Rose descended the stairs, Peter was waiting at the bottom of them, his expression turning as he realised Rose wasn’t in the right outfit. Before letting Peter say a word, Rose gestured for him to step into the front room, out of the way of the others in the house.

‘Rose, come on, they have a new band tonight, you’ll want to see them.’ Peter began his attempt at convincing Rose before the door was shut. No matter how the conversation went between them, Rose felt surprisingly calm in seeing Peter that night. It had only been a few days since she had seen his parents, and she felt that it was the right moment to tell him of that fact.

‘I don’t want to go out tonight.’ Rose said, as if her clothes weren’t enough of a sign. Peter brought a hand out and tugged at Rose’s sleeve lightly, it wasn’t something she appreciated.

‘All you have to do is stick on one of those dresses I got you, and we’ll be good to go.’ Peter spoke as if it was as simple as saying the words, but Rose wasn’t giving in.

‘No, Peter.’ Rose stated, but then added, ‘Sorry.’

Peter put his hands up in mock defeat. ‘You’ll be annoyed you missed it, that’s all I’m saying.’

Rose wanted to roll her eyes, shake her head and sigh, Peter was annoyingly predictable. He wasn’t one to let things go lightly, Rose used to think it was a quirk of his, but in that moment especially, it was just irritating. She knew of something that would knock him off his feet, if only for a moment.

‘I went to the house last weekend.’ Rose said nonchalantly. She had brought her arms to cross over her chest, thinking that she had the upper hand. Peter immediately looked sheepish, Rose wondered if he was just as bad a liar as she was.

‘Oh right.’ Peter muttered, bringing his hands behind his back. ‘Did you … see my parents?’

Rose tried to stay as casual as she could, like she had been withholding crucial information from him and was only now communicating it. She kept her eyes steady on Peter’s, and with her hard gaze, Peter could barely look away.

‘I did. They invited me for tea and dinner.’

At Rose’s words, Peter nodded slowly, as if taking the information in slowly. ‘They alright?’

Rose couldn’t believe it, she should’ve prepared herself for such an answer. Rose wanted to hit Peter, tell him off for being such a terrible son, but it would’ve fallen on deaf ears. If he was to be so awful about it, it would’ve been better to leave the subject unsaid in the future.

Whether Peter’s question about his parents had been genuine or not, Rose answered. ‘I had a lovely time with them.’

‘Great!’ Peter said with enthusiasm, Rose just stared at him blankly. ‘So, you’re not coming out?’

Peter was already edging towards the door, thinking that their awkward conversation was over already. Rose wanted to laugh at him, it was humorous how useless he could be. She let him go, although Peter was half way out of the door as Rose was saying her goodbyes, and she went back up to bed.

It was a bizarre meeting with Peter, Rose thought, as she lay awake that night. Peter seemed so one-track minded, all he could think about was going out to the club that the mention of his parents wasn’t enough to shake it. Rose wanted to be frustrated on John and Alice’s behalf, and make Peter go to see them, but in truth, it wasn’t any of her business. Seeing how Peter reacted made life that little bit easier for Rose, as she was taking on John’s blessing in getting on with her own life. If Peter and Rose couldn’t think alike in loving and respecting certain people, then there was no point trying to change him.

Without night’s out to look forward to during the week, Rose’s life became a monotonous routine of work. The excitement Peter had once promised her of living in London had begun to diminish, even he wasn’t around so often to make up for it with his company. Rose still had her friends from work, and friendly faces in the boarding house, but there seemed to not be much difference from her time in Small Heath. Rose didn’t want to end up having an existential crisis that night, but she was heavily reminded of the time before she had moved to London, where she thought she wasn’t able to live very long in one place, hence her move to London. Yet, she felt she was at that point again.

So much had changed in the short time, Rose hadn’t been in London for a year yet, but the reason she had come didn’t seem to matter anymore. Rose felt upset at herself for thinking that way. She wondered if she had been too hasty to spend time with Peter that she forgot what there was in Small Heath for her. Either way, Rose felt that certain things were becoming clearer in her mind, and they included the person she had left in Small Heath.

Rose wondered if there was such a thing as divine intervention, as a week later, she received another late-night visitor. It was a Friday night, and from how the previous week panned out, Rose wasn’t expecting Peter at the house to collect her. The day at work had been hectic anyway, Rose didn’t get back to the house until seven in the evening, and was looking forward to getting an early and peaceful night of sleep. That plan was interrupted, however, at an early hour in the morning by a frantic knock at her door.

Bleary-eyed, Rose threw the cover off of her body and went to the door. Once unlocked, she cracked it open, the hallway lights made her squint.

‘Oh, Rose, I’m sorry to wake you.’ It was Mrs Walker, in her dressing gown, with a nervous look on her face. ‘Rose, there’s a man at the door for you. I would’ve turned him away, but he says his name is Shelby, and I recognised that name from your reference.’

Rose’s heart skipped a beat, no longer was she squinting, but wide-eyed and curious.

‘He seems very adamant to see you.’ There was a slight shake to Mrs Walker’s voice, for a moment, Rose wondered which Shelby was there to see her, so she grabbed the dressing gown on the hook of her door, and followed Mrs Walker down the stairs.

The front door was closed, and for a brief moment, Rose looked to the door to the front room, thinking that the Shelby might’ve barged their way in out of the cold night air. However, Mrs Walker stopped right at the threshold of the front door, and turned to face Rose. The worried look on her face hadn’t ceased, but Rose felt calm.

Rose knew that Mrs Walker wouldn’t leave her side if she could help it, so Rose gave her a smile, then gently pushed passed her to open the door herself. At the sound of the door opening, the man who had been waiting on the doorstep turned. Rose kept her gaze on him as she stepped out, closing the door behind her with no regard to Mrs Walker, who kept peering through the closing space until she was gone from sight.

Even in the weak light of the night, Rose could recognise those blue eyes. Tommy was stood in his peaked cap and long coat, dressed well for the evening compared to her. There was an obvious difference in what they were wearing, with Rose in her white dressing gown and soft hair, trailing over one shoulder, Tommy thought that the outside light illuminated her like an angel, with a halo over her soft hair.

‘Tommy! You’ll get me into trouble.’ Rose said in a harsh whisper. She was well aware of the possibility of Mrs Walker standing just behind the door, ear flat against it to listen in. In reply, Tommy lifted his head, the light caught his features, and he smirked. That, and the way that Tommy was blinking slowly, Rose could only think that he was drunk, and she tried to hide her smile.

Still not having spoken, Tommy then made a pointed look to Rose’s feet, and Rose followed his gaze as his eyes glided up her body, as his he was assessing every part of her. The intense gaze made Rose shiver, and in reaction, her toes curled.

‘It’s great to see you, Rose.’ Tommy’s gravelly voice slurred a little, and Rose was back to hiding her smile.

‘What’re you doing here?’

Tommy sighed. ‘No trip in London would be complete without seeing you, Rose.’

‘I think you’ve had too much to drink.’

Tommy smirked again, and scoffed a laugh. He gestured his arms out wide and said, ‘I’m having a good time Rose, and I wanted to talk to you.’

Rose knew that Tommy was definitely drunk, as he was saying her name after every sentence. Not wanting to encourage his behaviour, Rose shook her head pointedly, to which Tommy raised his eyebrows in surprise.

‘Now’s not a convenient time, I think my landlady is still behind the door.’

Rose watched as Tommy went to look over Rose’s shoulder, as if trying to deduce if the landlady was there or not, but Rose moved her head to intercept his gaze. Tommy was defeated, and reached into his coat pocket.

As he lit himself a cigarette, Tommy asked, ‘Are you free tomorrow?’

Rose’s heart skipped another beat, she was more coherent than Tommy in that moment, and felt in eager in answering him. ‘I’ll meet you at the café around the corner.’ Then Rose thought to tease. ‘Will you be coherent by ten?’

To Rose’s delight, Tommy smirked again, his blue eyes going soft in gazing at her. ‘Till then.’

Rose let a shuddered breath escape her lips, Tommy’s eyes flicked down to catch it, but Rose left before he could say anymore. Like Rose had expected, Mrs Walker was waiting on the other side of the door for her, but escaped having to explain herself by saying she needed to use the toilet.

‘It’s improper that he turn up like that, make sure he knows that I don’t tolerate it.’ Mrs Walker, joining Rose on the short walk to the bathroom. Rose thought that Mrs Walker had hit the nail on the head, she was correct in saying that Tommy could be improper, but the spontaneity of the visit was one of the reasons Rose liked Tommy.

Once alone in her room, having left a still-curious Mrs Walker at the door, Rose felt that she couldn’t sleep. The sudden visit had her on edge, Rose wondered why he was in London in the first place, but more importantly, he had wanted them to meet the next day. Rose felt on edge, her tummy was full of butterflies, she hoped that it was the chance to finally reveal all that had been kept between them. Rose wished she had the courage to kiss Tommy on his cheek before she had scarpered inside, she liked that idea of leaving Tommy wanting more, but nerves had gotten the best of her. If everything went to plan the next day, Rose hoped that there would be more than a kiss on the cheek between them.

Rose did get some sleep eventually, after spending what felt like hours going through scenarios in her mind about how the conversation with Tommy would go. During breakfast, Rose avoided Mrs Walker’s eye as much as she could, though she felt a hole being burnt into the back of her head. Time went slowly, Rose almost resorted to pacing her room to occupy herself.

Eventually, the time came to leave the house and walk the short journey to the café. The morning was overcast, and for a Saturday, the streets felt somewhat devoid of people, Rose noticed all these things to take her mind off of the impending meeting with Tommy. It was what she had been waiting for, but there were still nerves surrounding it.

Rose turned the corner, the café was only a few paces away, and Tommy was there, wearing the same peaked hat and coat he had been the previous night and taking long drags from a cigarette. He was pacing, head lowered, watching his feet walk along the pavement. Rose breathed in a big breath, then let it out slowly. She had nothing to lose at that point, and she knew that Tommy would understand anything she put to him.

As Rose approached Tommy, he looked up, seeing her from the corner of his eye. They greeted one another warmly, but Tommy sensed that Rose was slightly reserved, there was a somewhat strained expression on her face. Rose, in turn, noticed that Tommy was acting shifty. When watching without him noticing, Rose saw how Tommy would look slyly over his shoulder at times, his eyes darted about, perhaps trying to find someone, Rose wasn’t too sure.

A waitress took their order, just a pot of tea, and Tommy settled himself by lighting another cigarette. Rose was about to begin speaking, choosing from one of the various questions she had thought of the previous night, when she noticed the state of Tommy’s knuckles.

‘Tommy, what happened?’

Tommy looked to where Rose was, and had forgotten that his hands were scabbed and red raw. It was not the right time to explain how they had come to be, so brushed it off. ‘Just from last night, nothing serious.’

Before Rose could question them further, the waitress returned and placed their things on the table in front of them. Nothing was said as the waitress was there, but Tommy could see that Rose’s gaze lingered on his hands. He knew she was concerned for him, and as much as he appreciated it from her, that wasn’t the reason why they were there. Once the waitress had gone, Tommy brought his hands down, only bring a hand up to stub the cigarette out, even though he had just lit it. He got Rose’s attention by leaning forward.

‘We’re here to talk, Rose, like you wanted before the funeral.’

At remembering the time of the funeral, Rose’s mind seemed to jolt. She lifted her head, took a breath in and went to talk, but then faltered and looked away from Tommy. The sudden lack of confidence had Tommy worried, and he refused to look anywhere but at Rose.

‘Is everything alright, Rose?’ Tommy asked.

Rose brought her gaze up to meet Tommy’s, and was obliged to tell the truth. ‘You know, as much as I’m trying to remember what I had to tell you then, I think I’m drawing a blank.’

Tommy decided to help Rose with her thoughts, thinking how desperate he had been to hear them since before the funeral. ‘Well,’ Tommy cleared his throat, ‘It started with you telling me that you wanted to write me letters.’

At being reminded, Rose nodded and gave a weak smile. ‘Yes, I said I missed you. I still do.’

‘What about your sweetheart?’ Tommy said, without thinking. It was the mean side of him that wanted to bring up Peter, he was the reason they were having the conversation in London in the first place. However, Tommy had done wrong, as Rose gave him a vulnerable look, one that made Tommy swallow thickly and think twice about what he was to say to her.

Rose ignored Tommy’s comment, there was no chance that she was going to talk about Peter if she could help it. She thought about how she felt after seeing Peter’s parents, about how Peter had reacted to her seeing his parents. If there was one person she could trust, it was Tommy, even if he often said things out of turn.

‘I think about how London isn’t what I thought it would be. It’s not like how Small Heath was.’ Rose breathed a laugh, but it wasn’t out of finding anything funny. ‘I wonder what it’d be like to go back to Small Heath, to everything there was before.’

Without missing a beat, Tommy said, ‘What was there for you in Small Heath?’

‘You.’

Their faces were inches from each other, Rose could see Tommy’s blue eyes so clearly in the bright light of the day. They hardly blinked, Rose waited with baited breath to hear what Tommy had to say.

‘Would that be enough?’

Rose was the first to look away. ‘Depends.’

‘On what?’

‘On what you think … about me.’

Rose felt that she was losing Tommy, he kept his gaze on her, but his eyes weren’t focused. A pregnant pause hung between them, and Rose felt obliged to fill the gap.

‘I came here for selfish reasons.’ Rose started. Tommy wanted to interrupt to tell her she was wrong, but Rose carried on before he could speak. ‘And I feel ridiculous in how I can’t seem to stay in one place for very long. I don’t know what that says about me.’

‘I don’t think there’s a problem in wanting to change things.’ Tommy tried to lessen Rose’s worry.

‘But you’ve lived in the same place all your life.’

‘Because it suits me. Not everyone’s the same.’

If anything, Rose only became more confused, which increased her worry. It had been hiding within her, she hadn’t realised how much it was bothering her, and Tommy felt his heart tug at seeing Rose in such a state.

‘Are you worried about something? Has something happened?’ Tommy asked. The pause Rose gave was enough to answer the question, and Tommy breathed in a deep breath, feeling his concern rise for her tenfold. Rose, however, was keen to keep Peter out of the conversation, so lied.

‘No, nothing’s happened.’ Rose cursed Tommy’s heavy gaze in that moment, and she changed the subject. ‘It’s just Small Heath is so far from here, and I miss you.’

Tommy felt he needed to rationalise everything to keep Rose from worrying. He gave another sly look over his shoulder, the café was somewhat empty, so didn’t mind sharing certain information so publicly. ‘Look, things in the company are changing. I’ll be in London more often because of it.’

Tommy paused for a moment, Rose was hanging onto his every word. ‘Don’t give up on being here.’

Tommy knew his hand looked ugly, but brought it up to place on the table, reaching for Rose. ‘We’ll take things slow, there’s no rush.’

Rose felt comforted, believing all that Tommy was telling her. Despite the appearance of Tommy’s hand, Rose listened to her instincts and moved her hand to hold his. She could feel the cuts with her thumb, but Tommy’s hand was so warm, she felt that she hadn’t held it enough in the past. Listening to her instincts again, Rose brought her other hand to Tommy’s, as if holding it was passing all the worry from her body.

The feeling of Rose’s soft hands on his made a smile appear on Tommy’s lips. It felt so good to comfort Rose, he had almost forgotten about the ring kept shut tight in his office drawer.

‘You seemed hasty last night.’ Rose said, trying to be funny. It was amusing to think Tommy didn’t want to rush things when he thought it fine to appear on her doorstep in the early hours of the morning.

‘You make me like that.’

The soft caresses of Rose’s thumb on Tommy’s hand faltered for a moment. Rose was hearing everything she wanted from Tommy, yet it still felt like a shock when he dared to say it out loud. But they had come so far, and Rose couldn’t give up on herself.

‘Good.’ Rose smirked.

Their tea things sat forgotten about as they made to leave the café. They had been so wrapped up in one another that they didn’t drink anything, but Tommy paid for it anyway. Rose felt apprehension in Tommy leaving to go back to Small Heath, but it wasn’t to be for long, that’s what she repeated in her mind.

‘Just carry on like you were, I think London suits you.’ Tommy said. They were standing on the pavement outside the café, neither truly wanting to say goodbye to the other.

‘Really?’

Tommy smiled sweetly and nodded, like he knew something Rose didn’t.

‘I’ll still miss you.’ Rose said softly.

‘Likewise, but it won’t be long till I’m back here, in your neck of the woods.’

The goodbye was something Tommy had mulled over the entire morning, he knew the conversation had to happen before gauging what to do but felt confidence in leaning down to place a kiss on Rose’s cheek. Before he could, however, Rose spoke.

‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder.’

Rose thought she’d won, the pretend competition in trying to have the last word with one another was hers that time. Like she had read Tommy’s mind, she reached up and placed a sweet kiss on his cheek, once again feeling how warm Tommy was, that time the warmth was on her lips. When she pulled back, Tommy had a longing look in his eyes.

‘I think my heart has reached its limit.’ Were Tommy’s last words, before leaving Rose on the pavement. She no longer cared for the silly competition, but felt her heart swell for Tommy.


End file.
